TONIGHT: The Nation's Capital feels tag team turmoil as the Fun Brothers collide with the Islanders 2001! Also, Triple H returns - TONIGHT! Jim Ross' voice is the only one we hear in this promo - what could *that* mean? Come back in thirteen minutes!

Oh, man, "Calderone's Return" - *another* great two-part "Miami Vice." Here they were, ONLY in like the third or fourth episode of the show....and they went ahead and killed off Gregory Sierra! That just blew my mind at the time - NO warning, BAM, major character offed. DAMN this is some cool show. Are they just gonna play two parters every Monday? "Your FATHER had a COP shot in New York City - and that cop was my BROTHER!!" Ahhhhhh this show RULES

Opening Credits

BRIGHT LIGHTS BIG TV - from the SOLD OUT MCI Center in our nation's capital, Washington, DC 5.3.1 coming to you live on TNN y transmitido en espanol SAP, *this* is WWF RAW! Championships will be decided tonight, says our host LARRY KING....well, holy crap on a crutch. The camera pulls back...to a familiar looking fellow in ECW cap. "They already know who you are, so tell them who I am now." "I'm joined by PAUL HEYMAN--" "You're joined by Paul Heyman because last Tuesday night, the Kat was released by the WWF, and her husband, Jerry 'the King' Lawler, to his credit, walked out right alongside with her. But where there's chaos, JR, there is opportunity, and tonight, just like TNN threw off ECW for the WWF, the King is gone, and in his chair is Paul E. - and the 'E' is for EXTREME. How's that? Not bad, huh?" "I don't know what I did to deserve this..."

THE NEW MAN & STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT are out - finally time to mention that one Triple H took two straight falls over the Stone Cold one last week at No Way Out. Does it seem *weird* to listen to Heyman call him the Game? Does it seem weird to hear him talk about Rikishi & Haku? Will I find it weird the whole two hours? Let's listen to H: "You know it's - it's hard to be humble when you're as good as I am. You know, I don't think these people can appreciate just how difficult it is. When you're as good as I am, when you're the best, when you are That Damn Good, to not walk out here each week, stand in this ring and just gloat - to just toot your own horn for like ten minutes straight - it's difficult. And this week...this week is harder than usual, because after No Way Out, after I destroyed, after I defeated Stone Cold Steve Austin...you cannot *imagine* how hard it is not to stand in this ring and just ram it down each and every one of your throats. But... ["ass hole"] Even the idiots in DC can't get to me tonight. Once again, instead of gloating, I have to come out to this ring, and I have to right a wrong. See, because after Sunday, after No Way Out, I went home, I took a couple of well-deserved days off, and while I'm home, like the rest of the world, I got the big-screen TV set, and I'm watchin' RAW, and what do I see? I see the Rock walk down the aisle and get in the ring. And I see the Rock go about tellin' the world how great he is because he once again is the World Wrestling Federation champion. And then on the Rock's heels, out comes Stone Cold Steve Austin. And then, while the two of 'em stand lookin' each other in the eye, I hear the biggest pile of crap come out of the Rock's mouth that I have ever heard in my life...as the Rock proceeds to tell the world that at WrestleMania, the two biggest names in this business will go one on one for the World Wrestling Federation championship. The two biggest names - the two greatest - what the hell is the Rock thinkin'? I gotta remind him of something - Rock needs to realise, I am the guy that has been kickin' the Rock's ass since the day he got here! Day in, day out, I go to the ring, I say I'm gonna do it, I kick the Rock's ass, it's done. And then as far as the other guy goes...Austin...seems to me I just finished doing exactly what I said I was gonna do - I went to No Way Out and two out of three falls, I kicked Stone Cold Steve Austin's ass. You see, I beat Austin, and I didn't just beat him once...I beat Austin TWICE, and beyond that, I didn't just, I didn't even just beat Austin twice, I beat Austin *two straight falls* - back to back. It was no fluke - I proved to the world that I am the better man. But yet the Rock wants to come out here and say WrestleMania will be between the two greatest of all time - I've got a problem with that, a big problem. So what I'm gonna do is, I've decided I'm gonna finish what I should've finished a long time ago, and then I am gonna go on to WrestleMania. And I don't know if it'll be the two biggest names of all time, I don't know if it'll be the two greatest, but I can assure you of one thing: one of those WILL be the greatest, one of those WILL be the best, one of those will be the king of kings, and you can beat your ass it's gonna be me! So what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna call someone out to this ring, and I'm gonna take them out of that match. So, if you can stand the humiliation of doing it one more time, if you can stand to get your ass kicked in front of the world one more time by the better man...then Austin, bring your ass to this ring and let's finish the game!" After a respectful pause, the breaking of glass commences and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN *does* hit the ring - they trade punches, now it's just Austin punching, down goes Triple H, here comes KING KURT ANGLE - Austin has to fight off two men now, but seems to be handling it...but the numbers finally take over - the crowd chants for the Rock, and they get him - THE ROCK takes out Angle, culminating in the dreaded spit punch over the commentary table into Heyman's lap - meanwhile, Austin finishes his beatdown of Angle and walks back up the aisle as Rock's music plays...

WrestleMania hype

Kurt Angle is *still* shillin' "SmackDown! 2"

TOO COOL hit the ring for the opening match (with a "WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" CD cover) and I think you can see where this is going - sure enough, Angle hits the ring and cuts down Scotty 2 Hotty in mid-pose. Clothesline for Grand Master Sexay - following him out and ramming him into the steps. Back in the ring, Hotty is back up - right, right, right, knee by Angle, Big right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, anklelock!! Hotty taps, which generally doesn't help in this situation. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda manages to pull Angle off of him...that's quite a face on Angle...and quite a mouth, too, as he gets bleeped yet again. And there's one more. A couple EMT's are quickly out to tend to Hotty's Vicious-esque ankle turn - Angle finally takes off as his music plays. Well, at least we were spared X-Pac & Justin Credible.

XFL cheerleaders shill Stacker 2

Kurt Angle shills the 1-800-CAL-LATT "Ultimate WrestleMania Fantasy Weekend" sweepstakes

In the local slot, AT&T Broadband sneaks in a "WCW Greed" spot - I can't imagine why they did that

During the Break, Hotty's gruesome ankle was loaded on a gurney

Moments Ago, Regal announced a tag team match - then Angle snapped Hotty's leg

Earlier Today, McMahon told the Radicalz one of them could have a shot at Chris Jericho's championship. Guerrero said Benoit should have it, but Benoit told Guerrero he should take it - after he showed where his heart was on SmackDown!, Guerrero deserves to get a shot at payback on the man who put him out. Guerrero said "okay, vato" and fists were touched up.

And here's CHRIS BENOIT to take third headset...

WWF INTERCHRISINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. EDDIE GRRRERO - Benoit looks a hole through Jericho and says nothing. Guerrero with a point for Benoit and here we go - lockup, full nelson by Jericho, to a waistlock by Guerrero, standing switch, Guerrero elbows out - off the ropes, leapfrog by Jericho, deep arm drag to an armbar...Guerrero to his feet - Jericho yanks on the arm. Guerrero somersaults out, Jericho clotheslines him. Into a side headlock takeover to the headlock - Guerrero with the headscissors counter - Jericho manages to flip over into a bridge - Guerrero bridges out and hits a backslide for a 2 of his own. Chop by Jericho, chop in the corner, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, Jericho is moved out of the corner by referee "Blind" Tim White...and Guerrero dropkicks him in the knee. Guerrero takes control - arm wringer, kick, into the Gorry special! Jericho unlocks his knees and moves to his feet - and HE has GUERRERO in his own hold! Guerrero frees his arms - on Jericho's shoulders - Jericho drops him forward on his face. Off the ropes, Guerrero ducks the flying jalapeno - but Jericho hits it on the way back! Chop, Japanese arm drag, bulldog off the ropes, Lionsault MISSES, Guerrero rolls him up with an arm and a leg - for 2!

In the locker room, the Hardys are discussing strategy for their upcoming match - Lita stops by to wish them luck and take off for HER match - Matt insists they accompany her to ringside instead of leaving her alone. Jeff wants to know if they're going to finish their strategy session...Matt says there'll be plenty of time for that later. And off they go...

Hey, look, "The Brothers." Looks like "The Wood." Or "How to Be a Player." Or...hell, they have one of these EVERY year, don't they. (You're racist!) I - WHAA??

Earlier Today, Al Snow (and two midgets) continued the commisioner campaigning. "Hi ho, hi ho, we want Commissioner Snow!"

WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: LITA (with the Hardy Boyz) v. IVORY (with Steven Richards & Bald Venis) - "Paul, do you like pie? Never mind." Ring flowerpot LILIAN GARCIA proclaims the match is for the "Women's Champion." Huh. WWF: The Music [Volume 5] debuted at #2 on the Billboard chart, by the way. Lockup, to the ropes, to the corner, blatant choke by Ivory. Hairpull takedown. Kick. Into the corner, Lita springs up and over and hits a schoolboy for 2. Into the ropes, reveresed, clotheslined down by Lita, many rights. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton warns her. Side Russian legsweep for 2. Paul likes saying "one second away!" Ivory shoves her to the corner to avoid the Twist of Fate - repeated shoulders to the gut. Right hand by Ivory, into the ropes, sidewalk slam - 1, 2, Lita kicks out. Choke on the second rope. Lita dumps her over the top to the floor...now *she's* going up top...there's a splash to the floor! Richards and Venis are over...but the Hardyz head them off and they brawl on the outside. Venis tastes the STEEL steps - Jeff starts the barricade run but Venis drops and Lita takes the clothesline! Ivory puts her back in the ring - setting up for the neckbreaker - 1, 2, 3. (3:01) Richards pulls her out to safety as Matt hits the ring and learns what happened. Lita has no problems forgiving Jeff but Matt is a little slower...

KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY catches up to Angle in the locker room. What did Scotty 2 Hotty do to set him off? He may have broken his ankle! "May have? MAY have? I'll let you in on a little secret, Kevin. While Scotty was screaming at the top of his lungs begging for mercy, I heard a loud snap. So it's not a matter of *if* it's broken - I'd say the damn thing's broken. And you know what? It felt great. It felt tremendous, because it sent a message...to the Rock, to Austin, to the whole world that Kurt Angle is tired of being everyone's whipping boy. I am the best in the world - I deserve nothing but respect - I'm tired of being embarrassed and humiliated every week - I have had it! And as far as Too Cool coming out and mocking me, and start dancing - DANCING, like my pain is cause for celebration...I don't think so - Scotty can celebrate in the hospital. That's right. And as far as tonight, I'd get the ambulance ready. Because Rock, Austin, - hell, even Triple H if he's not careful, will be all joining him. I've had it, Kevin - I'm tired of it...and I'm not gonna take it anymore."

The Undertaker is WALKING! Looks like he's found Kane. Now *here's* a conversation! "Where ya goin, Take?" "To the ring." "Think I'll join ya."

XFL on TNN hype - wow, San Francisco still has a team?

Kurt Angle may have a new attitude - but he still enjoys that "SmackDown! 2"

The Snickers Cruncher countdown says there's 27 days left to WrestleMania!

And now, the WWF Overdrive of the Week, brought to you by Greyhound! Kane said "Wassup" - and Undertaker turned his head away.

KANE and ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' (with wwf.com hype - visit Wednesday to win WrestleMania & Limp Bizkit tix!) v. HAKUSHI - Taker and Kane decide to meet them out on the aisle and a-brawlin' we will go. Ross and Heyman say "Extreme" a few dozen times. Maybe I'm just not much of a wrestling fan, but I'm underwhelmed by this whole Heyman thing. HAKU DOES A DROPKICK!! ALERT THE MEDIA okay - let's get into this - it's Haku and Taker in the ring - Haku with a death suplex - off the ropes to drop the headbutt - lateral press - 2. Right to the traps by Haku - Taker comes back with a knee - head to the buckle - well that's just poor scouting. Taker tries the knee again, then - into the opposite corner, elbow up by Kane. Chop, chop, kick to the gut, arm wringer, tag to Kishi. BIG headbutt by the bad man. Chop, tag, into the ropes, double clothesline, Kishi off the rope swith the drumstick drop - Haku covers - Kane breaks it at 2. Taker grabs Haku's head and knees it repeatedly - to his feet - Haku puts him in the ropes, but the head is down - DDT by Taker. Cover - 1, 2, Kishi breaks it up - then gives Kane a free shot - Kishi to Taker, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, warming it up, thonging it up, and backing it up. Kane's had enough - triple spin clothesline for Kishi, one for Haku, big boot for Kishi, and following him out. Haku is out on his feet - Taker poised - choke - chokeslam! 1, 2, 3! (3:49) Wow, I don't think Kane ever made it officially in there. Also, I don't know that it matters. Replay of the chokeslam. Is that it for this segment? Hmm, I guess so...

Backstage, a car pulls up and Trish Stratus gets out. MICHAEL KING COLE meets her and asks how she's feeling after that very public humiliation at the hands of Vince, Stephanie and Regal. Stratus says there's a few things she wants to get off her chest (so to speak) - come to think of it, she's going to get it done in the ring. Translation: come back after this ad break and we'll start over

Go figure, when we come back TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL DOT COM (and RAW credits and TV-14-DLV-CC boxes) is out. "I came out here tonight to set the record straight. Last week, I experienced the most degrading, most humiliating experience of my life! But I'm not here to hide from it - I'm here to address it. Can we roll the footage, please?

Here's a Special Video Look at Austin and the Rock

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: HARDY BOYZ (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by Stacker 2, WWF: The Music [Volume 5 - get it at Record Town & Camelot!] and Skittles) v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ - Jeff is still a little bummed about earlier in the show, and Matt may not be letting him forget it, either. Buh Buh Ray and Matt start - forearm in the back by Buh Buh Ray, right, right, Matt with a right, right, into the corner is reversed, but Matt kicks out, sunset flip gets 2. Dudley clotheslines him down. Blind tag as Dudley puts him in the ropes, Matt off the ropes as Jeff climbs, and Jeff crotches himself. They get to discussin' and Dudley double clotheslines them down. Right hand. Into the ropes, big back body drop. Stomp. He dares him to tag Matt - then pulls him away. Tag to D-Von - open shot. Into the ropes, jumping back elbow. Stomp, stomp, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, reversed - D-Von sidesteps the charge and Jeff jumps to the second rope - but D-Von pulls him off, hitting a big neckbreaker! Tag to Buh Buh Ray - open shot. Forearm. Into the corner, Jeff up and onto the shoulders - headscissors over. Matt pops him one, but he still manages the Buh Buh Bomb on Jeff - for 2. Right hand by Buh Buh Ray. Perched on the second rope - Matt moves down the apron, drawing over referee "Blind" Mike Chioda...and distracting Buh Buh Ray long enough for Jeff to hit him in the nuts. Climbing up - Frankensteiner to bring him back in - Jeff collapses onto Dudley - 1, 2, no! Both men looking to tag - D-Von tagged - Matt with the HOT TAG! Duck, right, right, right, off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker, ducks Buh Buh Ray's right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, clothesline by Matt, gutshot and DDT for Buh Buh Ray, both Hardyz on D-Von - put in the corner, Poetry in Motion, sitout clothseline and Matt covers for 2 - Buh Buh Ray saves. Jeff's climbing to the top - Buh Buh Ray and Matt fighting in the meantime - Matt thrown over the top to the floor - swantonbomb on D-Von *misses* - crowd calling for the 3D but Buh Buh Ray is more interested in using the scoop slam to set up "What Are You Doing?" Buh Buh Ray KO's Matt on the apron as D-Von does the testify dance. D-Von, tell the fable. As he goes outside, CHRISTIAN makes his way to ringside and chairs D-Von in the back. Buh Buh Ray goes outside to chase after him, leaving D-Von alone to take the Twist of Fate from Matt - 1, 2, 3!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (5:36) Christian gives Buh Buh Ray a grin on his way backstage - Buh Buh Ray does a lot of "damn you" - LITA is out to celebrate with the team.

Back in the office, Regal sucks up to McMahon. There's a knock at the door - Regal answers...and the midgets walk in under Regal's arm and lobby for Snow. Snow's behind them, telling Vince once again that the People demand a Commissioner Snow. McMahon says he'll actually take it under advisement...provided he competes tonight in a hardcore title match with the Big Show. Then Regal and McMahon attempt to outmug each other.

WWF Shop Zone dot com ad - hey, that voice sounds like Lawler's...

Kurt Angle 1-800-CAL-LATT ad - again

And now, Snickers Cruncher presents a Classic WrestleMania moment - from WrestleMania X in 1994, Shawn Michaels splashes (the unnamed) Razor Ramon from atop a ladder

Here's a look at the exterior of the MCI Center

TONIGHT: Stone Cold and the Rock team against Triple H and Kurt Angle!

Backstage, Trish Stratus mopes. Stephanie walks up and says something or other.

Our hosts banter.

Moments Ago, Christian unleashed the power and fury of the STEEL chair - that Twist of Fate was probably academic.

Backstage, Christian dials down the centre to reach Edge. "Operation Get E&C The Titles Back is So Underway!"

Meanwhile, McMahon and Regal are still talking. There's a knock at the door - oh, look, that's Debra. She'd like to tender her resignation as lieutenant commissioner and go back to managing...if that's all right with McMahon. McMahon says she has to make sure it's cool with her husband (Stone Cold Steve Austin). Debra says she's sure he'll agree, but she'll go check. McMahon: "She's hot." Oh, PLEASE.

Big Show is WALKING!

WWF: The Music (Volume 5) ad

Kurt Angle "SmackDown! 2" ad

And one more "WCW Greed" local spot

And the Hardy Boyz eat Chef Boyardee ravioli

Debra catches up to Austin and tells him she's been talking to McMahon - Austin goes a little nuts, go figure. Austin says she can do what she wants, but can't they talk about it later?

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: AL SNOW v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - Show is wearing the title as an armband - too funny. Snow has a pole and perches alongside the entrance ramp - up from behind with a whack on the back. Whack in the front, stick in the gut - Show catches the stick, breaks it over his knee and throws it to the floor. Snow to the eyes, right, right, trying to whip him into the steps, but he won't budge. Show pulls him into a short clothesline, then HE dumps Snow into the steps. Snickers Cruncher Double Feature of Show not budging. Well it's a big headbutt. Snow kicks, but Show rips off his shirt and slaps him. Show runs Snow into the barricade. Snow grabs a nearby chair - Show punches the chair into Snow. Snow tries to punch him in the gut - Show absorbs it and tosses him back over the barricade. Snickers Cruncher Double Feature of the chair punch. Show tries to sandwich Snow between the post and the chair - but Snow moves out of the way. Trashcan lid shots from Snow - Snow steals a camera - whack, whack, whack. Snow tosses a few chairs into the ring - Snickers Cruncher Double Feature gives us the shot from the affected camera. Snow has about seven or eight chairs in the ring. Show decides to throw the STEEL steps in the ring instead. Show on the apron - got Snow's face palmed - and there's a beal by the face. Show grabs the steps - Snow grabs a chair - WHACK - the steps fall on Show. A groggy Snow tries a cover - 1, 2, NO!! Show sets up two chairs and grabs a third - chair to the kidneys. FOUR chairs set up. WHACK in the back. Snow now has SIX chairs lined up in opposite pairs. But Show is up...press -

Debra and McMahon have a chat - McMahon has the perfect opportunity for her if she's in. She says she's in.

Go to WWF.com to get details on free WrestleMania & Limp Bizkit tickets!

KING KURT ANGLE (with Earlier Tonight) and THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Can't Act & WWF New York appearance hype...and Snickers Cruncher presents WrestleMania X-Seven 1 April!) v. BILLIONAIRE VINCE? "Umm - I would like to introduce someone now who has a once in a lifetime opportunity - I would like to introduce that person before this tag match actually begins, so please welcome - she's back in the managing field, please welcome DEBRA!" Debra comes to the ring to Jeff Jarrett's music and a wwfdivas.com plug! "Wait a second, Debra - we had our conversation and, again, welcome back to the managerial capacity - the only thing you and I didn't discuss is exactly whom it would be that you would be managing, so...I only feel it is in the interests of fairness that I inform you, that as of now you are officially managing...the Rock." Snickers (Cruncher) all around from Triple H, Stephanie and Kurt Angle...and it's time for an ad break.

"In a desperate attempt to increase ratings, the XFL will take you inside the cheerleaders' locker room!" Well...at least they're honest?

1-800-KUR-TANG ad

KING KURT ANGLE & THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Can't Act) v. IF YA SMELLLLLLL DOT COM (with Mrs. Austin) and STONE COLD DOT COM - By the way, Scotty 2 Hotty's ankle is "broken" thanks to Angle. Austin goes right for McMahon...H up from behind with a forearm, right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, pulling off Austin's vest, into the opposite corner, Austin pops out with a clothesline, right, right, McMahon's taken off - Austin kick, kick, kick, fifteen stomps,