WWF RAW is WAR
I GET LETTERS:
Terry Anderton offers: Thought I'd rop you a short note
- when The Rock said that his character in "The Mummy Returns" is
'nonlinear', what he really meant was 'he has no lines'. Thank you, thank
QUICK QUOTES: WWF 12.70 (- .97, last year: 17 7/8), SPLN 3.91 (- .02, last year: 16 15/16)
KINGS UPDATE: Remember what I said about hating the Lakers? Well, I hate the Lakers. (0-1)
TONIGHT: Feuds will END in Long Island! The Dudley Trio takes on X-Factor in a six man table match! Chris Jericho takes on William Regal within the confines of the STEEL cage! Also, news of the Rock! When we say "sweeps month," by God...we MEAN it
SPECIAL MIAMI VICE GUEST STAR OF THE NIGHT: Sheena Easton? Nah, she's in ALL of these. Annabelle Gurwitch? Not big enough. Let's say... Iman
One World Leader TV-14-DLV-CC attitude - WWF!
Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!, where Taker took back his yard...and Michael Cole's voice
ONCE AGAIN IT'S ON - coming to you LIVE from the SOLD-OUT Nassau Coliseum in Uniondale, NY - and two hours away in WWF New York, this is the WWF and RAW is WAR 7.5.1 on TNN, maybe TSN, probably transmitido en espanol SAP aaaaaaand
TONIGHT: Jericho and Regal battle within the confines of the unforgiving cyclone fencing - LOOK! There it is, hanging up there!
Our first appearance tonight is by...MICK FOLEY? "Thank you. That sounded pretty cool, can I hear that a little bit more?" "Fo-ley!" "Thank you. Well I guess probably a lot of you know this already, but...I'm no longer the WWF Commissioner. And basically my job is to just kinda wander around the world aimlessly and make personal appearances...so I figure, what better place to make a personal appearance than my hometown, right here in Long Island New York? Yeah, I also have a lot of time to watch TV, so I caught SmackDown! - I'll be honest, when I saw Undertaker throw poor old Stone Cold Steve Austin - oh, he threw him through a plate glass window - then the Undertaker, he beat up Stone Cold Steve Austin in the ambulance...well, it gave me and I guess all of us a chance to do something that I hadn't had a chance to do in a few weeks, and that is - I cheered my damn ass off. You see, what the Undertaker was doing was, he was involved in a little process called making him famous - that's something I know first hand because after all, it was at the Hell in the Cell in Pittsburgh about three years ago, the Undertaker made ME famous by throwing me sixteen feet to the ground. And the thing you have to remember is, the Undertaker wasn't even MADE at me when he did that, so I have a feeling that come Judgment Day - hell, as famous as Stone Cold Steve Austin is, he's gonna be just a little bit more famous before it's all over!" "Fo-ley!" "Now, I also had a chance to see - wait, wait, wait, I don't want Stone Cold Steve Austin to get upset, because Steve, being famous is not the worst thing in the world, as a matter of fact when the Undertaker made ME famous, well it allowed me to do some other things with my life, and to tell you the truth, it was that level of fame that I achieved that allowed me to write a book like this, Foley is Good, which will be available in book stores everywhere tomorrow, making it the perfect Mother's Day gift." The camera cuts backstage to see Vince motioning to...Stephanie - arm in arm they go WALKING! They are met by Commissioner Regal, who stooges off Foley's presence in the ring. "I guess it looks like our little party is going to end soon, but listen - I know this isn't the most impartial crowd in the world, but what do you think of Steve Regal as your new commissioner? I mean, come on, I may not have been the perfect commissioner, but I sure as hell didn't wear tweed coats, I didn't drink a spawt of tea, and I didn't certainly didn't call Triple H 'Triple Haitch.' I mean, after all, Regal, what the Haitch-E-L-L is wrong with you? I think after all, that what Steven Regal needs is a little bit of speech therapy, and what better place to get a little speech therapy than right across the street at Nassau Community College." Hit the music, here come BILLIONAIRE VINCE, STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT & STEVEN - WAIT, I THINK HE MEANT WILLIAM - SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE: COMMISSIONER REGAL. After a fan hops the rail for some face time with the chairman, Vince talks. "You know something, Mick Foley - look at yourself - look - there's Nassau - that's what Nassau Community - right - oh yeah. That guy's from Long Island, just like YOU. You know something Mick Foley, Long Island's Own Mick Foley - you know something - you know what you remind me of? You remind me of an unwanted house guest. That's right, an unwanted house guest, because you never know when you're gonna show up, and when you do, you're damn sure gonna stay way too long. You see Mick Foley, things have changed around here since I fired your ass as commissioner, and I might add they've changed for the better. Maybe you don't know this but I've formed a very successful and mutually beneficial alliance with Stone Cold Steve Austin. And maybe you don't know some of the other things that have gone on around here, I mean, due to unprofessional conduct, I have had no alternative but to indefinitely suspend the Rock. And things got better after that; I mean, my very own son-in-law, Triple H (or should I say my very own son) who, by the way, unfortunately is under the weather, and in all likelihood will not be here tonight, but nonetheless...since you were fired as commissioner, once again Triple H is intercontinental champion, once again, Mick Foley, Stone Cold Steve Austin is the World Wrestling Federation champion - oh yeah - and things continue to look up, Mick Foley, you know why? Because finally we have a new commission - a man with dignity, a man with respect in William Regal. So therefore, Mr. Foley - therefore, Mr. Foley, it is now time for you to take your leave - in other words, get out of my ring. I own this ring, Foley - don't make me have to put MY hands on you. And...God forbid, the new commissioner would have to put his hands on you to extricate you from this ring. But you know what? I've got a better idea because, on the way from the parking lot a moment ago, I ran into someone who will throw your ass outta here, and I won't have to soil my hands - he's a big four hundred pounder, RIKISHI, come on out here! Come on down, big man! Come on! Yeah, step through these ropes - I want you to take care of - well, it's not exactly the light work, so to speak...oh, what's the matter, Mick?" "Wait a second, Rikishi. You don't have to do this, you know why? Because I said I watched SmackDown! and I saw the Undertaker throw Stone Cold through a plate glass window, right? You know what else I saw? I saw Stone Cold Steve Austin come back and almost take your head off with a steel chair, over and over, while the commissioner and Mr. McMahon sat there and did absolutely nothing. Listen, how long have we known each other, Rikishi, twelve years? Remember the pond scum promo? You always liked that. What I'm telling you is - you deserve better in the WWF than to be Vince McMahon's pawn." "Now you listen to me, sunshine - you're not the commissioner any more, I am, and if Mr. McMahon wants you out of here, then I'll bloody well take you out--" "Shut up, Regal! Shut your mouth! Rikishi, you got Regal standing behind you now - you got Vince McMahon standing behind you now - but let me ask you this: where were they when you needed them? Where were they Thursday night? They were not around." Stephanie: "Rikishi. Don't you dare let Mick Foley brainwash you! Mick Foley didn't listen to my daddy, and Mick Foley got FIRED. And you know what, you better listen to my daddy, 'cause you don't want the same thing to happen to you. I - I think, Rikishi, my daddy told me you should give Mick Foley the stinkface! Take your big, fat, cheesy, oily cakes, and stick 'em in Mick Foley's face, rub 'em in his face! DO IT NOW!" "Slut!" "Don't make me have to slap some sense into you" and then she does. "If Stephanie can't slap some sense into you, perhaps I better beat some bloody sense into you--" but he runs into a Rikishikick. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a face turn. I guess. Confused? Well, not as confused as the music guy - he plays *Foley's* music! We're STILL not out...Foley has the stick once again. "Wait a second - wait a second - hey, let's cut my music, let's cut my music. I don't wanna hear my music anymore...I wanna hear...Rikishi's music. You know, Rikishi's OLD music, come on - hit the music. Rikishi, Long Island wants to see you dance. C'mon, 'kishi wants to dance, play his music." They play the old Too Cool music. "Wait, I know it's been a while, I know it's been a while so I'm gonna show you how it's done." Foley tries to bust a move...and the music stops. Anyway, Rikishi complies and woo hoo look at the dancing fat man. And now he's removing clothes! Light up the turnbuckles! Vince's voice re-emerges. "Cut the music, cut the music, hey, cut the music, cut it, wait a minute, cut this - there's not gonna be any celebration here tonight. You're not gonna get away with this! Mick Foley, I'm gonna have a police escort throw your ass right outta here - and Rikishi, I'll tell you what, Rikishi, right there In That Very Ring, it won't be for the title, but you're gonna get the beating of your life by Stone Cold Steve Austin tonight. Now hit MY music." This segment was, how you say, weak. If you wanted to turn Rikishi back to the face side of the ledger, I'm sure it could have been done without looking so...oh oh, I'm gonna say it... so "on the fly."
Madison Square Garden, RAW is WAR returns June 25th and tickets are going fast!
Your hosts are LARRY KING & PAUL HEYMAN.
During the Break, security escorted Foley outside - Foley saw fit to read from his book while being carted off.
In the locker room, Edge & Christian read the latest copy of RAW magazine. "Look at Eddie Guerrero - what's Spanish for chumpstain?" "El chumpstain?" Kurt Angle catches up to them - he wants to apologise for snapping at them last week. "I can understand why you guys snapped at me - probably because you were just as upset as I was about my medals being taken from me - probably more so." "Kurt, it was traumatizing - ruined our week." Angle tells them if they see Benoit, grab him and hold him down so Angle can take back his medals and snap his ankle. After he leaves, Edge says he hopes he can help Kurt get his medals back. "You think they mean that much to him?" "Well there's that....and we don't have to hear him talk about them anymore."
ACOLYTE BRADSHAW (wwfapa.com) (with Let Us Take You Back to Insurrextion) v. KING KURT ANGLE (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) - Saturday in England, Bradshaw may have had a little help from Test, but the record books only say he kept the Big Show down for 3. Angle wants a waistlock but Bradshaw shoves him to the corner - back elbow, forearms, overhand rights, into the ropes, Angle's shoulderblock does nothing - next try runs into a big boot. Angle tries a single leg - no good - forearm by Bradshaw - big death suplex. "Angle sux!" Forearm, knee, clubbing forearm, into a short clothesline is ducked, another swing ducked by Angle, there's an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Bradshaw back up, right, right, Angle dropkicks the knees. Angle kicks the back of the leg, kick, death suplex. Angle's temple is bleeding. Angle going up top to try the Anglesault but Bradshaw crotches him! Forearm to the back, forearm, forearm, climbing up after him - Angle with a right, back elbow, shoving him off - crossbody...is caught. Bradshaw with the fallaway slam. Into the ropes, back elbow. Into the ropes again, big powerslam. Bradshaw wants the powerbomb - Angle drops down, dead weight. Bradshaw pounds on the back, but Angle crawls under and grabs a leg - Bradshaw rolls over, and the anglelock is applied - Bradshaw manages to grab the bottom rope - then roll outside, as CHRIS BENOIT's music plays. Oh, he's not here; he's at WWF New York enjoying a meal. He asks what kind of credit cards they accept there - specifically, do they accept... gold? And he shows off the medals. Of course, Angle is happy to keep his back turned for all of this - finally turning back...into the Hades lariat from Bradshaw! Angle rolls to the outside and immediately starts staggering to Manhattan. Presumably, referee "Blind" Tim White is completing a blitz count to ten, but the bell doesn't ring...although "Theme from the Acolytes" plays. (COR? 3:26?) Here's a replay.
Outside, Angle asks for some keys - the security guy doesn't have any keys - Angle runs up on a guy unloading his trunk, throws him aside and steals his car...hmm, can he make it in this traffic??
Here's Kane on a scooter for Stacker 2
Here's Kane in the queue for Stacker 2
The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you by Snickers Cruncher! From SmackDown!, Eddie Guerrero helps Matt Hardy retain the European title against Edge
Earlier Today, Matt Hardy tells Eddie Guerrero they don't trust him, and the only reason they're teaming up is that Edge, Christian and Rhyno ran to Regal to get a six-man booked. Guerrero says it's not about trust, it's about the match tonight, so take a chill pill. It's not that he's the one who stuck his neck out for the person that beat him for that belt, and it's not that he might have an interest in seeing Lita beat up Chyna at Judgment Day, nooooo. Go ahead and kiss his butt. (Oooh! He sais "butt!") Lita says it'll take more than talk to get them to trust him.
EDGE & CHRISTIAN & RHYNO (with wwf.com logo) v. EDDIE GUERRERO and HARDY BOYZ (with Lita) - Guerrero wants to start, but Matt insists - across the ring is Christian. Guerrero asks again if Matt wants him to start - Matt takes his eyes off his opponent and Christian gets in a forearm to the back, again, into the ropes, Hardy ducks, head down by Christian, kik by Hardy, sitout clothesline. Both men reach for the tag - Matt waits a beat, then tags his brother. Kick by Hardy, into the ropes, double back elbow, fistdrop/senton combo. Stomp - double leg on Edge, who comes in - double legdrop between the legs. Christian manages a knee, and the Christian backbreaker. Stomp, tag to Rhyno, open shot. Right, into the ropes, belly-to-belly. 1, 2, nope. Tag to Edge, open kick, right hand to the ribs, knocking Eddie off the apron which is sure to bring him in - while referee "Blind" Mike Chioda works on keeping him in the corner, Matt sneaks in - but before he can put the Twist of Fate on Edge, Christian sneaks in with an Unprettier. Jeff gets a DDT once everybody is put back in place. Top-rope elbowdrop MISSES and both men are down. Eddie screams for the tag - Matt is still out of the ring thanks to the Unprettier. Rhyno gets the tag, Eddie DOES get the tag, sidestepping a charge and putting Rhyno out. Christian puts Guerrero into the ring, but Guerrero snaps off a nice 'rana. Another shot for Rhyno - Edge from behind with a clothesline, Guerrero up with fists of fire - Christian joins him and the two men take charge. Christian unloads the rights while Edge brings in Matt ...but Lita is in, up top, 'rana down. Rhyno is ready to gore Lita...but Guerrero takes the bullet for her! 1, 2, 3. (Roland TB-3:03) Lita gives us "shock" as we wonder if maybe Guerrero *is* trying a face turn before our very eyes. Replay of the GORE! GORE! GORE! and he *still* hasn't gotten up.
Let Us Take You Back to Heat, where the Helmsleys were the special guest hosts. Sorry, I went to the WFMU Vinyl Fair and missed it - NEXT week, the Big Show is your host.
Given the night off to "cool off," Taker is instead in the Prime Time Studio in Stamford - we'll hear from him later tonight, if only they can get that boom mic properly adjusted!
WWF LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: GRAND MASTER SEXAY (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by FRAM!, PlayStation 2, and Skittles) v. CRASH v. TAKA MICHINOKU v. JERRY LYNN in a fatal four-way - Despite was Ross says, Sexay is NOT a former champion, but his partner is! Damn, he's even got Heyman believing Sexay was a former champ. Crash and Taka pair up while Lynn and Sexay pair up. Everybody tries for pins, and everybody else usually breaks it up. In fact, this is pretty much a cluster from start to finish - not that it goes that long. (Lynn DDT Crash -> pin 2:21) See, we've got to move quickly to
"Damn, JR, why did McMahon decide to let me cool down? Well hell it seems pretty simple to me - after what happened at SmackDown!, McMahon's worried I might take Austin's other eye! Or better yet, maybe he's just worried I'll take Austin out, period. McMahon is trying to protect his investment plain and simple. But Austin, just so you know, there's no one or no way to protect you now. You made your deal with the devil, boy. You made it for that WWF title - now you have to live with the consequences. And the consequences are - you're #1 on Dead Man Inc's hitlist. Austin, the pain and suffering is just begun. I looked into your eyes, Austin...I saw the fear, and believe me - you should be scared. You should be very scared. McMahon can ban me from any arena he wants, he can tell me to cool down, he can do everything in his power to protect you, Austin - but in the thirteen days between now and Judgment Day, you'd better be lookin' over your shoulder, boy - 'cause every time you arrive at an arena, every time you leave an arena, you just don't know who's lurkin' in the shadows - and Austin, I'm no fool, so don't treat me like one. I know if you get the chance, you'll take those rattlesnake fangs and you'll stick 'em right in my ass, but I ain't gonna let that happen, see. Austin, I'm goin' into Judgment Day to rip that title from your waist, but also I'm gonna take care of you the way I take care of any other snake - the way you take care of a snake is you skin them - in thirteen days, Austin, I'm gonna skin your rattlesnake ass, hang it on a shed, and when your hide is nice and try - I'll be wearin' you on my feet. How do you like that? (click click)" I thought the way you dealt with a snake was to CUT OFF ITS HEAD
Here's a look at the ominous, imposing....well, it's the cage
The WWF Fanatic Series presentation for May is "Best of WrestleMania 1-17"
MSG RAW ad #2
The cage has lowered and the cage music is playing
MICHAEL KING COLE stands with Chris Jericho - the rivalry ends tonight inside the cage. "Well it may have been two months on the calendar, Mitchell, but up here in my head, it's been a lot longer than that, because this whole situation started when Regal first became the commissioner, and I said if you're gonna be legit, if you're gonna be upstanding, there's no problems; but if you're going to be the slimy, suckup ass clown to Vince McMahon that I think you're gonna be, there's gonna be trouble. And when he decided to relieve himself of his legitimate commissioner duties, I decided to relieve myself...in his tea. And now, after two months of handicap matches and bad decisions, Regal has made the worst decision of his career, in putting himself in a cage match with Y2J, because the English have a saying - GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! Well tonight, it's not gonna be the queen who needs saving - it's William Regal's ass."
COMMISSIONER REGAL (with RAW credits) v. AD BREAK - "Rikishi - Rikishi, earlier on this evening, you besmirched me, your WWF commissioner. You will learn your lesson when Stone Cold Steve Austin gets his hands on you later - the same as Jericho, you will learn YOUR lesson. Now being an English gentleman, I hate to soil my hands in such a barbaric state....but Jericho, the one thing you shouldn't do is take my politeness for weakness, because if you had the sense to read your history books, you would know that the English were the most barbaric race ever to exist on this earth, so get your miserable little carcass into that cage and proceed to get the thrashing of a lifetime!"
Second airing of the batch of "TNN's got pop" flimsily-disguised "The Mummy Returns" ad phone calls
Kane Stacker 2 #3 & #4
COMMISSIONER REGAL v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO within the confines of the STEEL cage - pinfalls aren't counting tonight - you get out of the cage or you don't win. Referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas manages the door, so look for me to say BUT THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE! two or three times during this match. "Y2J" chant. They still have yet to lock up - ha, Regal goes right for the door (he's BRILLIANT!) but Jericho pulls him back in. Euro forearm, right, into the corner, follow lariat, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, right hand, into the ropes, back elbow. Regal wisely goes for the door again - Jericho runs over to stop him. Forearm, chop, chop, springboard dropkick - Regal has nowhere to go but into the wall of the cage. Jericho decides to climb up the cage - Regal over to grab his ankle - Jericho kicks him off - Jericho up top - Regal manages to grab the hair at the last moment - headbutt, headbutt, headbutt, headbutt, pulling Jericho over the top and back into the centre. Regal nonchalantly walks to the door...looks back...and decides to close the door and head back over to Jericho. Well, so much for his brilliance. Kick, stomp, stomp, pulling him up, knee, knee, European uppercut, wave. European uppercut. Into the ropes, but Jericho comes off with a flying jalapeno! ("Scoring" count: one) Jericho tries to climb the ropes, but Regal pulls him off, into a hot shot. Euro forearm, again, then rammed face-first into the wall of the cage. Regal waves again. Again Jericho's head meets the cyclone fencing. Regal makes coleslaw out of the cabbage that is Jericho's face. Another big forearm to the back. Euro forearm (I think). Into the ropes, Jericho ducks the clothesline, but not the back elbow. Regal grabs two handfuls of hair - Jericho whipped into the corner, but he gets both boots up - climbing up top - Regal up after him - both men on the top turnbuckle - Regal with four headbutts - double underhook - SUPERPLEX!! RC provides the Double Feature. Regal is up first...with a friendly wave to the crowd. Jericho manages a (rather low) right hand - another right, on his feet, right, double leg takedown, WOW catapult into the wall of the cage, right, into the ropes, and ramming Regal into the wall of the cage! Again Jericho runs Regal into the cage. And now Jericho has found something he likes - five times, Regal's head meets the cage. "C'mon baby!" Jericho with a death suplex on Regal - Lionsault - MISSES! Both men are down...Regal is up first and going...up over the top? THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE!! I guess he's dazed from the earlier moves? Jericho up after him, grabbing an ankle but now deciding that he'll climb up as well. Regal tries to kick him away but no dice. Jericho bounces Regal's head off the cage three times - and Regal crotches himself on the way down. Regal does his tribute to the late Rick Rude as Jericho climbs up and onto the top of the cage. Meanwhile, Regal decides maybe he should use that door after all. Jericho over the top - Regal through the door - Jericho kicks the door into Regal, whipping him back into the ring, then drops to the floor! (8:04) Ross says Jericho's slammed the door shut on this feud. Several angles of replay on the final set.
Backstage, Lita - hello - limbers up
When you hear Marilyn Manson, that's your cue to keeeeeeeeeep fast-forwarding
JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Stone Cold Steve Austin. "YEAAAH, you might as well just stop flapping your gums right there because the Undertaker makes me SICK. I think he's completely PATHETIC. That son of a bitch throws me through a plate glass window, and then when they tie me down to a stretcher, proceeds to beat the crap out of me. And then you know what he does? You know what he does? Shut up! Because he knows it's payback time, he says Vince McMahon says it's a 24 hour cooling off period - that's BS! Undertaker is running scared, he's got a yellow streak going down his back a mile long and a yard wide and it makes me SICK! He wants to sit there and talk about awwww Judgment Day, he's gonna do this and he's gonna be wearing a pair of snakeskin boots - BS! I'm gonna be wearing the Undertaker's ass on my feet, and it makes me even sicker that big-ass Rikishi's gotta go out there and listen to a Mick Foley like he knows what he's talking about - he's gonna talk Rikishi into being this superhero - eh eh! That ain't something that you do to Stone Cold Steve Austin. Rikishi, you're out there, dancin' around like a Kansas City jackass - it made me wanna puke! You couldn't get the job done in an automobile, behind the wheel of a car, you couldn't take Stone Cold Steve Austin out! So why does he think he's got a chance against the World Wrestling Federation champ tonight? He doesn't! And that's all I got to say about that ya little bastard!"
BAZOOKA JO(ANI)E (chyna9.com) (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) is out to yuk it up with the commentators - right after posing in the ring with her title belt. When I said "smark trap," last week, what I meant was they wanted people like me and them and that guy over there to go over the top with our "oh LOOK at her - she DOESN'T EVEN SELL - she's a PRIMA DONNA - she's ONLY interested in HERSELF" and unknowingly sell the angle they're trying to "surprise" us with. Got me?
MOLLY HOLLY v. LITA (wwfdivas.com) - Chyna wastes no time talking about "spanking" once again. Lita is busy watching Chyna, so Molly sneaks in a surprise rollup for 2. Lita with a swing and a miss, Holly with a gutshot - into the ropes, Lita with a flying headscissors. Armdrag takeover, into the corner - Molly leaps over the charge, dropping down for a nice headscissors out of the handstand. Japanese (or Mexican, I forget) armdrag by Holly. Into the corner is reversed, back elbow up by Molly - Lita put in the corner - Lita drops and dumps her onto the apron - elbow by Molly - climbing up - Lita tosses her back into the ring. Side Russian legsweep. Lita sets her up for the moonsault - 1, 2, 3. (1:26) Chyna hits the ring and raises Lita's arm herself...then goes to check on Molly. Lita playfully moves in from behind and gives her two spanks. Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk. Maybe the kidz like it?
D-Von and Buh Buh Ray carry a table...and give Spike a ride. A six-man table match is NEXT!
Judgment Day ad
And now, Lugz presents the Boot of the Week! From SmackDown!, Debra slaps Taker
Speaking of Debra, Vince invites himself into their dressing room and congratulates Debra on her SmackDown! highlight. "Oh yeah, sorta like that night that I slapped you - right?" "Uh - say would you mind, I wanna get a little juiced up before Stone Cold goes out and destroys Rikishi...do you mind getting me a cup of coffee? Sorry - I'll get my own coffee. Thanks anyhow, though." Debra makes some more faces.
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ - ALL THREE OF 'EM (wwfdudleyboyz.com) (with Hartford hype - tomorrow!) v. X-FACTOR (with wwf.com logo) in a table match - Albert around the ring as Credible and X-Pac hit the apron - and get shoved off. Spike tossed onto Credible and X-Pac! Albert with a surprise double clothesline on the men in the ring. Yaaaaavalanche on Buh Buh Ray - X-Pac with a shoulderblock, Credible with a superkick. Stomp, right, knee, knee, knee, right, standing on the neck, quick stomps, RC Double Feature, right, tag to X-Pac, kick, kick by X-Pac, right, right, Dudley fires back, right, right, off the ropes...but into a kick from X-Pac. 'Pac covers but "Blind" Teddy Long actually remembers that pinfalls don't count in a table match. Head ot th ebuckle, right, kick, right, kick, right, kick, tag to Credible, RC Double Feature. Into the ropes, double clothesline dropped, Spike ankles X-Pac out of the ring as Credible gets a Buh Buh Bomb. Will he tag? Crowd claps - D-Von gets the tag - right for Credible, right for X-Pac, Credible into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow, hiptoss for X-Pac, powerslam for Credible, Albert stops all this noise with a yaaah lariat. Spike tries a dropkick but it's only absorbed. Buh Buh Ray clotheslines Albert out, but eats a roundhouse kick from X-Pac. He's not home for the broncobuster, though - Buh Buh Ray with a scoop and a slam - "What Are You Doing?" Testify dance, D-Von, let's win this thing. Table in but Albert is ready - bicycle kick takes out Buh Buh Ray AND D-Von AND the table! Spike in - forearm, forearm, forearm - off the ropes, clothesline ducked by Spike, bicycle kick NOT ducked. Albert goes outside for a table of his own. He's got Spike...but before he can Baldobomb him through the table, CAW CAW CAW sneaks out and gives Albert a kendo stick in the back. Credible and X-Pac chase after Raven - this gives Spike just enough time to hit the Acid Drop from the apron to the floor, through the table! (3:58) Replay for you.
A limousine pulls up...why, it's Chris Benoit - he's wearing the medals and he's WALKING! Gosh, I hope Kurt Angle didn't go to WWF New York...
"WWF Divas in Hedonism" video ad
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, where Stephanie tried her hardest to turn Rikishi face. Then Regal helped. Then there was some dancing.
Michael King Cole stands with Rikishi. This oughta be good. "Well you know, Vince McMahon comes out here and he guarantees me Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well that's cool, Michael Cole. But Rikishi's got some guarantees of his own. See I guarantee to back that ass up here tonight, and I also guarantee this: that someone is gonna get the stinkface - *RIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*."
Our commentators reflect on what we've just heard.
Meanwhile, at WWF New York, Kurt Angle actually made it - he's looking for Benoit - but he's taken off - and taken his medals with him. Benoit's music hits again...
And here comes CHRIS BENOIT with Angle's medals. "Kurt Angle - you know, I guess we - we musta just missed each other. You know, I know how much these medals must mean to you and well - quite frankly, you kinda look naked without 'em. But you see the fact is, well, I've kinda grown attached to them. You see I walk around with these medals, and they make me feel like a real-life gold medalist. And Kurt, Kurt, just - just - just look at how great these medals look around my neck. Kurt...look, I know how BAD you must want these medals back - I can FEEL your pain - the suffering - the agony - so you know what? I'm gonna give you your chance...at Judgment Day, you see, Kurt - I'll come to the ring...I'll bring the medals, and if you want them back, well, all you gotta do is take them. Whaddaya say, Kurt? Whaddaya say, Kurt?" "Chris Benoit, I'll see you at Judgment Day, and I will take my medals back, and I will break your ankle in half for doing this to me, Benoit - it's true, it's damn true!" "Well that sounds good, Kurt...but I can see just - you know, how stressed out you are right now, so...to keep your mind at ease, well - just like I did in the United Kingdom, I'm gonna keep these medals in a very...safe...and warm place." And he stuffs them in his trousers. Play his music!
"Foley is Good (and the real world is faker than wrestling)" ad - check mickfoley.com for book signings!
Here's a look at the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum - in the middle of NOWHERE
Backstage, Chris Benoit is walking funny - Edge & Christian catch up to him and tell him they can do this the easy way or the hard way. "Well, there's two of you and there's only one of me - I guess it's the hard way," and there they go. They make the mistake of ramming Benoit through a door that happens to have Jericho on the other side - the tide is turned and Edge & Chritsian are run off.
TONIGHT: Stone Cold Steve Austin takes on Rikishi! Wait, isn't that NOW?
MICK FOLEY returns - apparently, he found one of those magic ticket booths that sells front-row seats long after the show starts
The Rock was on the Tonight Show - he's a rehash! Oops, I mean "here's a rehash!" Anyway, "the Mummy Returns" had the highest non-holiday opening weekend in movie history, which surely must be a sign of the impending apocalypse...or something
Foley signs some more autographs from his front-row seat - will he figure into the main event?
Meanwhile, Rikishi - man, I don't *care* if he's a face now, but I *still* don't wanna see him doing squats from that camera angle
When we come back - yep, Foley is still there. I wonder how he feels abou missing that cage match
RIKASHMONEY (with old RIKISHI PHATU entrance & RC Cola presents WWF Judgment Day!) v. MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN in a nontitle match - well, actually, that's BILLIONAIRE VINCE & STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT making the second entrance. You don't REALLY think we'll go the entire show without seeing Triple H, do you? I mean, we've all spent WEEKS talking about him and everything! Vince walks over to Foley...who proudly displays his ticket stub. I bet HE didn't have to pay a $6.75 "convenience fee." You know, I thought I *knew* this man. Actually, I didn't, but it's cool to say. HERE WE GO! Lockup, Rikishi pushes him back, referee "Blind" Earl Hebner wants the break - and eventually gets it. Lockup, ,side headlock by Austin, chain wrestling to a hammerlock - back elbow by Rikishi to STOP that noise. Austin dares him to take the test of strength - ha ha, just kidding, kick in the gut, right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Austin ducks, ducks again, but falls into a sidewalk slam from the big Samoan. Nice vertical suplex by 'kishi. Austin decides to roll out to the floor and take a powder. Vince offers words of encouragement. Austin trips up Rikishi and rams his knee into the post - and make it twice. Back in, head to the buckle (shouldn't hurt a Samoan), kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. Into the opposite corner is reversed, big clothesline by Rikishi, Austin flumps down...Rikishi perks up...will he get it done? Vince is up on the apron, drawing over Hebner - now drawing Rikishi's attention...allowing Austin time for an uppernut to turn it around. Stomp. Stomp. Lower abdomen stomp. Austin outside as Rikishi lies under the ropes - elbow to the heart. Austin with a running elbow. Back in the ring - Rikishi put into the ropes...Austin labours into a sleeper, but it doesn't last as Rikishi turns into a death suplex. Going for the drumstick drop, but Austin escapes. Stomp. Austin mounts him - right, right, right, right, right right right right right right right right right right. Shove for Hebner. Right to the back of the head, right, right, right...Rikishi trying to stand up with Austin riding piggyback - and dropping back into the electric chair! Rikishi with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline, clothesline in the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, into the ropes, RIKISHIKICK - no, Austin sees it coming and hooks the ropes, letting himself outside. Austin grabs a STEEL chair but on his way back in, Rikishi manages the legdrop, sandwiching Austin between his hock and the chair! Rikishi wants to give a swing of the chair himself, but Hebner manages to take it away. Here comes Austin - Rikishi with a right, right, into the ropes, Samoan Drop! Rikishi stands waiting...Vince is in - HE gets the RIKISHIKICK! He goes ahead and gives him a legdrop for good measure! Rikishi standing over Austin - SQUAAAAAASH. 1, 2, AUSTIN KICKED OUT!! Rikishi ready - FAT ASS SPLASH! Austin staggers back over - BELLY-to-belly suplex! Rikishi drags Austin to the corner - could it be? Before going for the Banzai Drop, Rikishi catches glimpse of Stephanie in the ring, trying to help out her father. Rikishi advances on her, warms it up, backs her into the corner - aw rats, Austin is back up and forearming Rikishi into the big collision. KICK WHAM STUNNER, that'll do ya. 1, 2, 3. (7:19) Austin goes for ANOTHER chair, but he's right in front of Foley - Foley tries to grab the chair, so Austin pops him one, then drags him over the barricade and into the ring. Rikishi has a chair, so Austin decides maybe he'll stay outside for a while longer. Austin tries instead to grab Stephanie, who is still in prime position for the stinkface - *Foley* staves him off with a chair and Rikishi manages to back it up. Play the music! What'll happen when Triple H finds out about this? Credits are up, WWF logo is up, I'll be back in California Friday. SEE YA!!CRZ
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