TONIGHT: Forget WKRP, this is WRAW in Cincinnati...Four Canadians tussle in a tag, Chyna and Lita team and sparks will fly, and there's a good chance Austin AND Undertaker will be in the first segment, so you BETTER stay tuned!

THIS WEEK'S MIAMI VICE SPECIAL GUEST STAR: Nobody - we'll pick off John Michael Higgins, I guess

Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! - or - go read the SmackDown! report

Opening Credits

LET THE PYRO FLY - we are LIVE from the Unnamed Arena (the Firstar Center) in Cincinnati, OH and from WWF New York 14.5.1 on TNN (and maybe TSN), transmitido en espanol SAP, and with only a week to go until Judgment Day takes to the air, THIS is the WWF...and in the WWF, RAW is WAR!

TONIGHT: Chyna and Lita team up!

TONIGHT: Edge & Christian vs. Chris & Chris!

Wasting no time, MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN hits the ring with a belt in each hand. After an appropriate interval, THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Can't Act) also gets a long-ass entrance. Wow, all this entrance-ing sure is saving me lots of time. Five minutes down, about 120 to go! Who will speak first? Who do I NOT want to speak first? "Ladies and gentlemen, may I PLEASE have your undivided attention....your UN...DIVIDED...ATTENTION for MY HUSBAND...MY HUSBAND, THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION AND ONE HALF OF THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, THE GAME TERRRRIPLE H!" Yikes. "Apparently, ["ass hole!"] apparently Kane is not the smartest member of his illustrious family. You see, because it was pretty simple - all he had to do was one thing - and that was just stay away. After the beating that Stone Cold Steve Austin and I gave Kane, all he had to do was sit home, nurse his broken arm and stay outta our business. But Kane, well, Kane is not the sharpest man in the world, now, is he. Kane had to make his triumphant return...["ass hole"]...it won't take but a second for us to come out there and kick all your asses. As I was saying, Kane had to make his triumphant return Thursday on SmackDown! So you see, Kane, you leave me with no choice but to finish the job we started. So I offer you this: Kane, I will give you a shot at the intercontinental title. At Judgment Day, you and I will go one on one with the intercontinental championship on the line, and since you and your brother seem to enjoy using chains so much, why don't we make it insteresting, Kane? Why don't we make it a chain match? Now I know you're not the smartest man in the world, but even you can understand that. So if you've got any guts at all, why don't you come out here and accept my challenge!" "That dumb son of a bitch ain't gonna come down that ramp! No no no, he's smart enough to realise, as much as we've been kickin' his ass, he ain't comin' down that ramp! And he ain't dumb enough to accept that challenge. At Judgment Day, I know - I know you're gonna whip his ass, and speakin' of Judgment Day, every--....every single day I walk through an airport, someone says 'hey Stone Cold, I guess you're worried about the Undertaker. He's gonna beat you for the World Wrestling Federation title. He's gonna-- let me go ahead and bottom line it - the Undertaker ain't got a chance in hell against Stone Cold Steve Austin, because... because he ain't got the guts, because he ain't got the talent, and the bottom line is, my name is Stone Cold Steve Austin ["boo"] I am the World Wrestling Federation champ and I cain't be stopped. And you know, last week, Undertaker, you come out here and you set a trap for Stone Cold Steve Austin, right here in this very ring. You know you come down here with your chairs, your chains, and all that BS, well let me tell you something - Stone Cold Steve Austin never needed a chair. I never needed a chain. I never needed to hit someone from behind, but that's the way you're gonna treat me? I am the World Wrestling Federation champion, and I deserve to be treated a lot better than that! I'll knock the hell out of every single one of ya. And I'll tell you what, I've been thinking in the back and me Triple H started talking. You know we ain't defended the World Wrestling Federation tag titles since we beat Undertaker and Kane the last time. So since they're all high and mighty, they all think they're so damn hot, right here in Cincinnati ["he said Cincinnati!"] Ya say that like you're proud to live in this cesspool. Like I was saying, right here tonight, Undertaker and Kane, if ya got the guts, why don't ya come out here, and you know what? You know what? SHUT UP! You ain't gotta come out here, shut up, you ain't gotta come out here and make us famous - oh no no, we're already famous, why don't you bring your asses out here and make us EX-World Wrestling Federation tag team champions. I'll tell ya why - because you CAN'T - you can't STOP Stone Cold Steve Austin and Triple H. The truth hurts, don't it. The truth hurts." DAMN Austin rules. Anyway, BONG. TAKER is out, chain over his neck and mic in hand. "You know, it's kinda loud in here, but I'd be damned if I don't think I heard you call me a coward. So let me get this straight with ya right now - I ain't a coward, I'm just a man who's looking for somebody brave enough to fight me. I guess what I'm saying, Austin, is that you're so full of crap, your eyes are startin' to turn brown! Sunday is Judgment Day - this is what I want you to do, son - when you get up Sunday morning, I want you to take your ass to church, and you better give your soul to the Lord, because yo'r ass belongs to me!" He's starting to walk down the ramp, very slowly... "Now Triple H, this is where it gets real good. As far as your challenge to my little brother (Kane)

Meanwhile, in the commissioner's office, Kurt Angle asks how having a match with Rikishi has anything to do with him getting his gold medals back. Regal relates that he needs Angle to make sure that tonight, Rikishi is properly punished for his previous actions against both himself and Stephanie. In return, he'll allow Angle to call the stipulation for his match with Benoit on Sunday. Are they cool? "Let's just say it's hard to dance...when you're ankle's snapped in two."

OOOH! MIAMI VICE MARATHON! I'm SO there

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, brought to you by Twix! It's all in the mix when Rikishi stinkfaces Stephanie! From last week's RAW

RIKASHMONEY (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. KING KURT ANGLE (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) - Lockup, single leg trip by Angle. Lockup, gobehind by Angle...Rikishi elbows him. Angle with a gutshot, right, right, scoop NO too heavy, Rikishi scoop slams him easily. They trade punches, now it's just Angle with punches...but Rikishi shoves him away. Angle back - right, right, right, right, Rikishi shoves him off, clothesline, RIKISHIKICK, clothesline out of the ring! 'kishi's out after him...Angle with a gutshot to surprise him, right, head to the STEEL steps is blocked, elbow to the gut by 'kishi, head to the steps, rolled back in. Angle takes over when 'kishi follows - right, right, right, right, Rikishi comes back with an uppercut. Into the ropes, Angle ducks, ducks again, sunset flip attempt - 'kishi tries the SQUASH but Angle slips out. Right, kick, kick, kick, big right hand. Whip attempt fails - Rikishi puts him back, into the opposite corner, BELLY-to-belly suplex. Angle rests in the corner - Rikishi with a kick. BIG headbutt. Angle flumps down...is it time? Hmm, Rikishi is just STANDING there - looks like COMMISSIONER REGAL was a little slow on his cue - NOW he's out - right, right, right, and referee "Blind" Teddy Long has to call for the bell. (DQ 2:48) Regal stomps and works the kidneys with kicks. Regal motions to Angle - HE HITS THE OLYMPIC SLAM!! Regal's music plays - and there's a grin to a sneer from our commissioner.

From the oilcans and cyclone fencing set, JONATHAN COACHMAN reveals that the police have arrived at the arena - and they want to speak to the Undertaker. Why? We don't know - maybe we'll find out later.

Meanwhile, Trish Stratus is WALKING!

Backstage, Crash catches up to Molly and tells her not to trust Spike - after all, those Dudleyz put women through tables! Molly says Spike's not like that...besides, she was just telling him how impressed she was with him putting Albert through a table. Crash says what will be impressive is when HE wins his 13th hardcore championship after taking on Rhyno tonight. To reiterate... "You can't trust a Dudley!"

Meanwhile, Lita limbers up!

Meanwhile, Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn and Terri catch up to Eddie Guerrero and ask him what the deal is with him chumming it up with the Hardyz after all they've put them through. Tonight, Saturn and Malenko take on the Hardy Boyz, and... "either you're with us or you're against us." Guerrero promises that tonight they'll find out that he IS a team player...

Here comes TRISH STRATUS (wwfdivas.com - with RAW is WAR is brought to you by Burger King, Castrol motor oily, and RC Cola!) "I can tell you right now that Mr. McMahon will NOT approve of what I'm about to do. You see, I think that you deserve to see more of me. I think you deserve to see A LOT more of me. You'd probably see a lot of me if I was wearing nothing but...an itty bitty, teeny weeny, bikini. In fact, I think you deserve to see all the WWF Divas in nothing but itty bitty, teeny weeny bikinis. Well, since I always guarantee Stratusfaction, I am gonna give you guys a sneak peek of the hottest, the steamiest, the wettest, video in the world...WWF Divas in Hedonism." And here are some clips to kill some time. A LOT of time. Excuse me, I'll be right back. Golly, they talked to everybody but Jacqueline and Tori...

Your hosts, LARRY KING & PAUL HEYMAN, shill the video.

Coach stands outside an EXCITING door! He says a plainclothes police officer is talking to the Undertaker - suddenly, Taker BOLTS out of the door, down some stairs and out of the building. What was that about? Coach asks the policeman for a comment, but the camera is on the Taker, so we miss it...maybe when we come back?

Aha, when we come back Coach is with the law - "Sgt. Warman" says he told Taker that his wife (Sara) was involved in a car accident. They're providing a police escort for Taker to the hospital. I smell a ruse!

HARDY BOYZ (with wwf.com logo) v. DEAN MALENKO & SUPERSTAR PERRY SATURN (with Nipples & Eddie Guerrero & Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) - strangely, although Guerrero is out with the Radicalz, they go ahead and play his entrance music and video afterward anyway. Was he supposed to have a separate entrace, or did somebody just screw up? Or...something more insidious? The Hardyz spend a little too much time looking at Guerrero - and get waffled from behind. Matt rolls out - Saturn with a right on Jeff - Jeff with a right, right, Saturn with a knee - exploder! Into the ropes, Hardy ducks, goes behind, Saturn to the ropes and shoving him backwards. Leapfrog by Hardy, he drops down and Saturn stops to grab his legs - but Hardy manages a body scissors out of it - double leg, legdrop between the legs, free shot for Malenko, gutshot for Saturn, into the corner is reversed but Hardy springs up and leaps off with a corkscrew moonsault. Malenko in - double leg by Hardy, double legdrop for HIM. Matt puts Saturn in the corner, then drops down for Poetry in Motion. Saturn rolls outside for Terri to check on him, and while referee "Blind" Jack Doan tries to get Matt outside, Malenko surprises Jeff from behind with a forearm in the back. Stomp, stomp, into the ropes, back elbow. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Head to the buckle. Kick, kick, kick, sat on the top turnbuckle, right, Malenko climbing up - Hardy with ribshots - throwing Malenko off - second rope dropkick finds the mark! Both men are down...crawling...both men tag! Hardy ducks the swing, right, right, right, right for Malenko, clothesline for Saturn, clotheslining Malenko out of the ring (making him easy prey for Jeff's barricade run clothesline) but missing that Saturn is behind - BIG superkick puts him down. Terri had passed a chair to Saturn in the meantime - he's ready to swing but Guerrero climbs onto the apron and pulls it away from him...almost hot shotting his mate in the process! Saturn staggers back into a gutshot and Twist of Fate - and just like that, there's our 1, 2, 3. (Roland TB-3:03) Guerrero looks unhappy. Malenko wants to know what's up - Guerrero CLOCKS him with the chair! Is the crowd chanting "Eddie" or "Terri?"

Backstage, Austin catches up to the plainclothes policeman. He asks how Undertaker took the news of his wife's car accident. "What was the expression on his face?" "Quite honestly, he was a bit upset." "Thank you, officer. Thanks." He leaves...and Austin...ponders.

Here's a look at the Firsta Center - they should fix that broken light. Hey, look over there at the stadium!

Hey, look at the ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS in the front row!

TONIGHT: Edge & Christian take on Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit!

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: RHYNO THE MAN BEAST v. CRASH HAS NO LAST NAME - kick by Rhyno, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Rhyno ducks, Crash shoves him over the top and outside. Baseball slide dropkick by Crash - Rhyno put into the barricade. Crash climbs up - Leprechaunrana! 1, 2, nope. Crash goes for the weaponry. Rhyno put back into the ring - Crash takes a trashcan lid and climbs to the top - WHACK! 1, 2, NO! Rhyno put into the ropes, no, reversal, big spinebuster by Rhyno gets 2. Crash's head meets the buckle, kick, kick. Rhyno off the ropes with a running boot. Rhyno with a garbage can next to Crash - running kick to the can to Crash's head! That oughta do it - except (LITTLE) SPIKE DUDLEY is out, putting Crash's foot over the bottom rope at 2 and saving him. Why enforce that rule during a hardcore match, anyway? and saving him. Spike up on the apron - blocks a punch, forearm to Rhyno, gutshot, going for the 'dog but Rhyno throws him off...into Crash, who was trying to advance with a trashcan. Spectacular collision, and THIS time Crash stays down for the 3 from Jimmy Korderas. (LA 2:13) Spike tries to help Crash up, Crash takes umbrage, Spike throws a forearm, Crash whacks him twice with a trashcan lid. Play Crash's music 'cause he just left him laying! Commentators tell us Spike wasn't going for the title, since he didn't bring a referee - he probably WAS just trying to help out Crash. Not that that'll help him any now...

Kane is ready to leave, but Regal catches up to him and explains that sometimes he has to make some tough decisions. These people paid to see a show, and he can't have everybody leaving without competing. Undertaker is in breach of contract; if HE leaves as well, he'll fire him - and his brother. Kane must compete tonight. Kane slams down his duffel bag and walks back...and we take a lingering look at Regal. Is he smiling?

"WWF Magazine" ad - wow, we haven't had one of THOSE on this show for YEARS - the inside story of Shane and Vince - WCW and WWF - hits the newsstands tomorrow!

EDGE & CHRISTIAN (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) v. CHRIS BENOIT (with RAW Credits & TV-14-DLV ratings box) and CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with CC box)

Judgment Day ad

During the Break, Angle was WALKING! He had a pretty sour puss on him, too. MICHAEL KING COLE catches up to him and asks what kind of matchup he wants with Benoit. "I don't know yet - but Chris Benoit's gonna get what he deserves - those aren't his gold medals, they're mine! HE didn't defeat Abbas Jadidi from Iran, *I* did! They're mine! MINE MINE MINE!"

KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands with Jericho. "Well it looks like tonight that the seven-time tag team champions Edge & Christian positively reeked of - well, let's just say tonight, they just plan reeked." This, of course, leads to the inevitable Pearl Harbor job - culminating in a Conchairto that DOES land.

And now COMMISSIONER REGAL is out.

To Austin's dressing room, where Debra gets emotional. "It's so awful, about the Undertaker's wife...to be in a car accident, and, you know, you hear all those rumours - gosh, I mean for all we know, she could be...I don't even wanna think like that. Man, Steve, I hope that never happens to me." "Look, I don't want you to worry about what happened to the Undertaker's wife...because that will never, ever happen to you." "I'm not..."

Lita SQUATS! Chyna meets up with her - and off they are WALKING! See, when it's two WOMEN, *they* can walk AWAY from the camera so we can check out their goods...

"Foley is Good" ad

Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where Chris Jericho evaded a Conchairto during his match...but couldn't avoid the second attempt backstage.

Our commentators tell us Jericho is on his way to the hospital. Talk turns to the Rock's apperance on Dateline last night...

And here's a clip package from Dateline. I caught most of it, since it started during a Simpsons ad break - it was a pretty good piece.

IVORY (righttocensor.com) (already in the ring) and MOLLY HOLLY (with wwf.com logo) v. LITA (wwfdivas.com) (with Judgment Day graphic: Chyna vs. Lita)

Regal reads an advance copy of RAW Magazine - there's a knock at the door - it's Austin. Regal snaps to attention when he enters. "Well, I'm fine. I wanna make sure I got this clear. This match between Stone Cold and Triple H against Kane is a handicap match? And you think that's fair? After everything that family's been through with the Undertaker's wife getting in a car wreck, you think that's fair?" Regal says the fans have paid good money to see the superstars. "Well then I'll tell you what - after everything that family's been through, and after everything that I'm gonna put the Undertaker through this Sunday...I want that match tonight to be for the WWF tag titles. That's what I want." We can only wonder why Austin is all quiet here...although, again, we might have a sneaky suspicion...

Mick Foley eats BIG Beefaroni!

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where Chyna refused to remove her hat - or tag.

Michael King Cole stands with Lita. What was up with Chyna? She doesn't know, but she knows that in six days she'll take on Chyna for the Women's title. Errr, yeah. Chyna shows up to chime in - she wanted Lita to do this on her own and prove that she's ready for Sunday...and she has. "Listen, speaking from experience...don't trust Eddie Guerrero." Chyna leaves, and Cole and Lita make dueling "the HELL?" faces.

Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where Taker did a full-on sprint past the Coach

Here's your nightly look at WWF New York - inside is the Stone Cold racing car, and you can look at it

WWF Racing's JERRY TOLLIVER & TONY BARTONE are inside - Friday in Englishtown, they'll debut the Triple H car! Woo!

Meanwhile, in the dressing room of the Two Man (and Wife) Power Trip, people EMOTE! Stephanie: "They're debuting your funny car on Friday in English Town, and I can't even get excited about it. The car just makes me think of the car, the car WRECK that the poor Undertaker's wife was in. I mean, have you guys heard all the horrible rumours about her condition?" Triple H: "Oh yeah. I've heard that she has MASSIVE hemorraging." Pan and zoom to Austin. "Well that ain't what I heard. I heard her face is all mangled and twisted, cut up. And even if she DOES make it...she ain't never gonna look the same again." HE SMILED! (I think.)

APA (wwfapa.com) and TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW and WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER - What? WWF's coming to the Cow Palace? Hmm. Aw, damn, Robert's getting MARRIED that night. Guess I can't go. Show hits the ring and all three men start beating on him, sparing us another shot of the RtC sirens, anyway. Test and Bradshaw take it to Big Show while Buchanan and Goodfather work over Faarooq. Show into the ropes - double back elbow - double shoulderblock off the ropes and Show finally leaves his feet...and the ring. Bradshaw tosses Buchanan and joins Faarooq to turn it around against Goodfather - into the ropes, double shoulderblock. Faarooq covers - 2. Mike Chioda seems to be getting a little frustrated. Goodfather counters a whip attempt with an armdrag and a back kick - forearm in the back, tag to Buchanan - off the ropes with the scissor kick - stomp, stomp, into the ropes is reversed, powerslam by Faarooq - 2. Tag to Bradshaw - open shot, right, into the ropes is reversed, swinging neckbreaker by Bradshaw, elbowdrop gets 2, Show makes the save - clubbing forearms - Test tries to come in and all he does is prevent Chioda from noticing the tripleteam behind his back. Scoop by Buchanan...and a slam. "Will he won't he" clothesline gets 2. Right, left, into the opposite corner, Bradshaw busts out with a shoulderblock. Both men are down...Bradshaw makes it to tag Test! Clothesline! Clothesline! Goodfather is in - ducking the clothesline, hooking into a full nelson, to a uranage. Big Show prevents Faarooq from coming in - he and Test spend a few hours deciding what move they want to do next, as Test lowers the bridge and Show fails to see he's supposed to go over the top rope. Show with a headbutt - NOW he's building up a head of steam off the ropes, and figuring out that Test has lowered the bridge, putting him on the outside. Goodfather & Buchanan can stop standing around now - doubleteaming Test - into the ropes, double clothesline ducked - Goodfather tripped up and pulled out by the APA as Buchanan gets to eat the Really, Really Big Boot. Before he can get the pin, though, Show runs the top half of a set of STEEL steps into him from the floor - he drops, Buchanan puts an arm on him, and Chioda is back - 1, 2, 3. (3:18) Show's music plays again - and Test is pissed.

Michael King Cole catches up with Kane. "Sara, big brother, this match is for you. Austin, Triple H, this is all for you!" Then he starts whipping klangy metallic objects with his chain

Meanwhile, Jonathan Coachman stands with Austin. Does he feel any sympathy for Kane? "Sympathy? The man is an animal. I do not feel sympathy for animals. And as far as tonight being a handicap match, that's the commissioner's fault. I do not feel sorry for Kane. This is for the World Wrestling Federation tag team titles. I will not have any mercy for Kane. You know what I will do to defend these titles, and going into Judgment Day, I feel sorry for nobody because Stone Cold Steve Austin will not be stopped!" Watch Coachman's lips - I think he's contracted Bischoff's Disease.

TONIGHT: It's a handicap match for the tag team titles - and it's NEXT!

Judgment Day ad #2

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Can't Act & "WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" CD cover & RC Cola presents Judgment Day...Judgment Day is six days away!) and MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN v. CHANE in a handicap match - This might be a short one; we're into the overrun as the challenger makes his entrance.

AFTER THE FACT: Your roving reporter is longtime r.s.p-w.* mainstay Paul Zorovich! Hey CRZ:

Rolled into Cincinnati Sunday on a business trip, bought the "Enquirer" at the hotel, saw that Raw was going to be in town Monday night, called Ticketmaster AND THEY STILL HAD TICKETS! Granted, they weren't *great* seats, but who cares -- scoring Raw tix less than 24 hours before the show is a coup no matter where you sit.

I've learned over the years that I can't write a recap anywhere as good as yours, I won't even try to give a blow-by-blow. I just wanted to drop you a line with a few notes from in the house...