WWF RAW is WAR
INTERESTING, YET DEPRESSING CRZ
FACTOID: Did you know... I've produced
approximately 2.2 MILLION words for WrestleLine?
QUICK QUOTES: WWF 12.70 (- 1.12, last year: 17 1/8), SPLN 2.87 (- .67, last year: 12 15/16) - industry scuttlebutt says CBS buys the 80% of SportsLine it doesn't own IF they land the NFL "Internet rights." It is left as an exercise to the reader to determine how this might affect a certain pro wrestling site with known affiliations to SportsLine, reporting on a wrestling company with known ties to the owners of CBS.
Meanwhile, despite a constant stream of red ink, SportsLine apparently STILL has plenty of mad money to throw around, seeing as they purchased MVP.com last week and relaunched it. No wrestling items, though, which at least spares us one more ad beneath the fold...and don't think we aren't grateful!
Still... anybody want to buy a CRZ bobbing head doll? It's interesting looking, but it doesn't bob too well - too much hair weighing down the ol' noodle. I'm thinking of trying to get MVP.com to offer them. Gotta get some decent scratch SOMEHOW!
TONIGHT: If RAW is in San Jose, you KNOW it must be a loaded show! It doesn't hurt that we're one night removed from Judgment Day - here's some stills - Kane is the NEW intercontinental championship thanks to an errant chair from Stone Cold Steve Austin...who's in the house! Will the tag team titles be defended tonight? Find out in about twenty minutes!
THIS WEEK'S MIAMI VICE SPECIAL GUEST STAR: Sorry, I completely missed it for some reason
TV-14-DLV - One World CC Leader Attitude - WWF!
NO opening theme, NO pyro, straight to MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN coming out to tell us what his name is and that he's still WWF Champion. LIVE from the Compaq Center of San Jose, CA 21.5.1 on TNN (and maybe TSN), this is WWF RAW is WAR, and as the Coach might say, it's gonna be "off da hook." Austin hits all four corners, goes outside to jaw with a fan, then goes back in to hit some MORE poses with his WWF championship belt. Crowd is loud and they have issues with this man. "Ass hole!" "You can say all you wanna say but the bottom line is Stone Cold Steve Austin is STILL the World Wrestling Federation champion!" Up on a corner. "Take a good look at it! LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT!! Stone Cold Steve Austin is still the World Wrestling Federation champion, and even though... and even though it means that I represent every piece of trash in this arena, it means that there ain't nobody back there in the World Wrestling Federation that can STOP - Stone Cold Steve Austin. And even though, I like to consider myself a fighting champion, a man's man, the best World Wrestling Federation champion in the histoy of the World WRestling Federation...I watched SHADDUP. I wanna serve notice right here, right now, that I whipped the Undertaker's ass last night at Judgment Day, just like I said I was! I get one more (beep) outta you, I'm fixin' to know your little teeth out. So let me go on record as sayin'... ["Austin sux!"] Let me go on sayin' record, Undertaker, you do NOT - I repeat, you do NOT get a rematch and that's all I got to say about you. Like I said, my name is Stone Cold Steve Austin... I am the World Wrestling Federation champion, and I'll say this: since my name IS Stone Cold Steve Austin, it means that I do not DESERVE to be treated like trash. No no no no - every single son(beep) in here is gonna show me the respect that i deserve. My name is Stone Cold Steve Austin... so I want everybody to just go ahead and stand up, and show me the respect that I deserve! Get off your asses! This is what greatness looks like. This is what the World Wrestling Federation champion looks like (where's my damn belt) - do you people understand? Do you understand that there is not a man back there that can stop Stone Cold Steve Austin?!" The Y2J countdown starts at this point - hmmmmm. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO dares to interrupt the champ? "I said my name is Stone Cold Steve Austin..." "Oh, so what you're saying is YOUR name is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well Stone Cold, MY name is Chris Jericho. And on behalf of EVERY single Jerichoholic in this arena...I would like to ask you, no, I would like to beg you, would you PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP. You know ever since WrestleMania, the eternal question has beene WHY. Why'd ya do it, Stone Cold? Why'd ya sell your soul to Vince McMahon?" Austin taps the belt on his shoulder. "But after all the theories and all the questions, hell after two months of speculation, to be honest with ya I really don't give a DAMN why you did what you did. Besides I have a little theory of my own. You did it because you're nothin' more than an angry, vengeful, 100% bona-fide JACKASS! And besides, I've gotta hand it to you - in selling your mind and your soul and your body to Vince McMahon, you've achieved the impossible - you've managed to become an even bigger sl(beep)t than Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley!" Ross: "Jericho just called Stone Cold a sl(beep)t!" Heyman: "I do not believe what we're witnessing here tonight - Jericho is stepping up to the plate!" "And as far as tonight is concerned..." "Y2J!" "As far as tonight is concerned, I think it's time that the Two Man Power Trip became two time losers when Chris Benoit & Y2J beat you for your tag team championship titles! Because, after tonight, junior, neither you nor Triple H will EVER" "EVER!" "ever be the same agayne." Jericho hits the ring - Austin gets first licks, but as Jericho turns it around, THE NEW MAN runs out to make it two on one - CHRIS BENOIT sprints out shortly thereafter, takes out BOTH men, and FOUR REFS hold back Austin and Triple H - but not before Triple H hits the apron one more time so Jericho can get in a shot. Play Benoit's music 'cause IT'S ON - the tag team title match WILL take place tonight!
By the way, over the course of the past few weeks Austin has established himself as the GREATEST HEEL EVER (for those with short memory spans, anyway). He could write a BOOK on being a heel. He needs to keep the belt until....say, WrestleMania 20. Yep. (A few months from now, we can wonder what the hell I was thinking when I said this)
SUMMERSLAM! SUMMERSLAM! SUMMERSLAM comes to the Compaq Center 19 August! Tix go on sale SATURDAY at 10am!
And now, the RC Cola Rewind! From Judgment Day, Rhyno goes Big Show...then goes a garbage can into Big Show...and keeps the hardcore title.
Austin complains to Vince about Jericho (getting a "son of a bitch" past the censor) while Triple H complains about Benoit. Vince: "Steve, everybody knows your name."
Vince asks them both to calm down (and not
talk about last night) - they've got to defend the titles tonight.
Meanwhile, Kurt Angle arrives at the arena, proudly displaying his medals to everyone he walks by. "Good to see you, Bob." "My name is John." "Whatever - God bless America! Wooo!" Now, I don't want to alarm you, but while this was playing...I could have SWORN that some of these very WWF workers were within eyeshot, within the arena *while this segment was airing.* How - HOW CAN THEY BE IN TWO PLACES AT THE SAME TIME?????
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with wwf.com logo) v. RHYNO THE MAN BEAST - Without Test, will the outcome be different? Rhyno tossing stuff in the ring, so Show goes outside to pound on him - Rhyno fires back, kicks, but Show pulls him into a short clothesline on the floor. Well it's a big right. Up the ramp we go - well it's a big forearm in the back. Well it's a big suplex on the ramp. Rhyno swings and misses - well it's a big right and Rhyno goes back down. Right by Rhyno - Show rams him hard into the barricade. Another loud run into the barricade. Well it's a big chest slap. "I'm gonna tear your damn head off!" Rhyno steps aside and Show hits the post. Rhyno has a sign - WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Rhyno rams Show's right arm into the barricade - again - kick, kick. Rhyno going under for MORE weaponry. Hey, you have to actually GET in the ring to use that stuff, Rhyno. Back over to Show on the floor - well it's a big kick. Well it's a big forearm. Show shakes his right arm to let us know it hurts. Rhyno manages to swing ANOTHER sign as Show comes in - three more WHACKs - kick in the head, overhand right, right, got ANOTHER sign - WHACK! Right arm wrapped around the rope - Show screams for our benefit. Pounding on the shoulder. Right, right, right. Show shoves him away - Rhyno comes back with another right. Right. Show manages a headbutt. Well it's a big headbutt. Show is going to fight through the pain and try for the chokeslam - oops, no, he's not as Rhyno pounds on the elbow until Show has to let go. Garbage can lid to the head - again - third time - on one knee. Two more lid shots. Show on two knees. Rhyno setting up for the gore - but Show puts a chair in the way. Rhyno picks up a can and tosses it - "here, catch this" - Show's all "wait, I remember what happened last night," and throws it back - Rhyno catches it, and Show kicks the can (literally). ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM on the can - well his arm couldn't have hurt THAT much - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new hardcore champion. (4:58) Show goes back to holding his arm - well, he's TRYING to sell, I guess. Here's some replays. Ross: "Could this be an omen of things to come?"
"WWF Tough Enough" ad - oh man, I hope Tazz is wearing XFL gear throughout this ENTIRE run so we can CONSTANTLY be reminded of its FAILURE - oops. Anyway, it's coming soon to MTV (Slogan: When you think "music television," think "wrestling reality programming")
Wow, the Rock is STILL on the cover of Rolling Stone! And Lita is STILL inside!
Angle promises to an Arena staffer that tonight, this second-class city will have something to talk about for generations to come - an Olympic celebration re-enactment. It actually gives him chills!
Meanwhile, the APA play cards - Terri knocks at their door and asks why they aren't warming up for their match with Perry & Dean. Faarooq curls some beers. Terri grabs a beer - it's hot in here. "So go to Alaska, leave our beer!" Terri - oh - pours the beer on her top. Faarooq: "Well don't just sit there, get the woman a colder beer!" Bradshaw: "And here's some ice!" This is all a ruse, though, as the Radicalz surprise them (and the cameraman that WAS hiding behind the scenery they just knocked over) and punk 'em out. "We'll see you guys in the ring!"
Meanwhile, Austin enters his dressing room...only to find his wife isn't there.
Meanwhile, Spike and Molly - gosh - sit close to each other and grin. Molly apologises for her cousins costing his brothers the Tag Team Turmoil match last night - she had nothing to do with it. "I know...I know, I don't want you to feel bad, I know you didn't have anything to do with this. The Dudleyz, the Hollys, they're fighters, they're gonna fight, there's nothing you can do. But I just wanted to let you know...I got you a little good luck present for the match tonight." He produces a pair of taped up frames for Molly. "Wear 'em with pride." Molly puts 'em on and grins some more. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.
It's the Undermicker! And he's FEEDING HIS NEED!
APA (wwfapa.com) (with Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago) v. R2DICALZ (with Nipples) - This may be the *only* time I don't mind a replay of something I've just seen, by the way. At least if they're gonna be called A.P.A. from now on, we won't have to hear Lilian Garcia call them the "Accolades" anymore. Terri's in a silk robe, as Sam Malone said when he first met Rebecca Howe, "abooeah." Saturn removes the feathers and hat at the top of the stage, which can only mean it's a Pier Four on the floor to start. Malenko and Faarooq hit the ring for the bell - rights by Faarooq, into the corner, Malenko up and over, waistlock, back elbow out by Faarooq, Bradshaw joins him in a double neckbreaker. Cover - Saturn breaks it up - Bradshaw kicks him and clotheslines him out. Malenko into the ropes, double shoulderblock. Bradshaw with a British Bulldog half hour suplex - for 2. In the corner, knee in the chest, right, right, right, right, right. Into the opposite corner - but Malenko gets the boot up - off the second rope...Bradshaw catches him. Before he can hit the fallaway slam, though, Saturn is in with a superkick that puts Bradshaw down. 1, 2, shoulder up. Malenko stomps, tag to Saturn. Doubleteam while referee "Blind" Jack Doan keeps his back to the action...and Faarooq in his corner. Saturn with repeated knees to the head. Saturn stomps on the knee, knee to the knee, knees to the chest - wow, he's vicious. Stomp. Into the corner, going for a splash - Bradshaw catches him - Malenko in to try a superkick of his own, but Bradshaw is wise to that tactic and gets up a big boot up to stop him...then trips over Malenko, dropping Saturn on the mat. Did he roll his ankle? Tag to Faarooq, quickly. Kick, right, right, scoop...and a slam. 1, 2, Saturn kicks out. Gut-wrench, but Saturn goes behind the back, shoves Faarooq into a right hand from Malenko, bounces back into an overhead belly-to-belly suplex from Saturn (wow!). Looks like Bradshaw's okay. Tag, open kick, then straight up doubleteaming as Doan works to keep Bradshaw in the corner. Malenko with repeated stomps - now just standing on the neck - ow. Saturn with a choke from behind as Malenko eggs on Bradshaw. Malenko with an elbow to the back of the head. Into the corner is reversed...but Malenko gets an elbow up - then gets a boot up - but Malenko runs into a powerslam and both men are down. Tonight, Matt Hardy takes on X-Pac for the Euro belt! Both men tag - shoulderblock by Bradshaw, into the ropes, back elbow, into the corner, follow lariat, muscling him over with a death suplex and HELLO, Terri's on the apron. Commentators earlier speculated there's nothing on under the robe - will we find out? Free shot for Malenko - free shot by Terri! Too bad her back is to the camera so who knows what's under the robe - or not under. Bradshaw appears to be able to block it out - putting Saturn into the ropes - big boot - 1, 2, Malenko breaks it up - Malenko with two forearms - Bradshaw shoves him out. It's breaking down now - Saturn shoves out Bradshaw and turns to Faarooq - forearm in the back - but it's Faarooq with that wicked spinebuster. Bradshaw brought back in - double powerbomb time. APA talking it over - OH MAN THEY'RE GONNA DO IT AGAIN. A second powerbomb! I don't think he's getting up, Phil. 1, 2, 3. (5:36) Saturn *still* ain't movin'.
Commissioner Regal relates the virtues of the British to...some guy, until Austin shows up. "Have you seen my wife?" Regal stops short - then tells Austin that the Undertaker *is* in the building - he hopes he hasn't abducted her. Austin's facial expression indicates that perhaps he hadn't thought of this - until now.
When we come back, Angle is telling Edge & Christian that his re-enactment will, "as you crazy Canucks say, reek of awesomeness." Also, to make is more special, he'd like Christian to stand on the silver position, and Edge on the bronze. "Wait wait wait - I have an even better idea that will make it MORE special. How about...NO!" "Well why - why not? Oh, okay, I get it. If I'm standing up there alone, the spotlight will be just on me. Oh you guys are awesome - thanks. I want you guys to watch, all right? Thanks." "He's a special guy, isn't he?" "(sigh) Yup - you said it."
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: MATT HARDY (with Jeff Hardy & Lita - and RAW is WAR is brought to you by Stacker 2, Castrol Motor Oily, and Twix!)
v. X-PACTOR (with Justin
Credible & Justin Otherguy) - X-Pac
inspired me to shave off my beard with his stunningly close shaven good
looks. (Perhaps I am overstating X-Pac's looks.) Lockup, arm drag by
X-Pac, nips up and poses. Matt wants to try that again - lockup, side
headlock by X-Pac, wrenching it in, Hardy powers out, shoulderblock by
X-Pac. Up and over, Hardy with a drop toehold - ducks a swing, big atomic
drop - off the ropes with a sitout clothesline. 1, 2, 'Pac kicks
out. Hardy grabs the side headlock. 'Pac punches, powers out, Hardy with
a shoulderblock. Up and over, leapfrog by 'Pac - hiptoss blocked, gutshot
by X-Pac, leg over the head flippy flippy, Hardy ducks the back heel kick
and clotheslines him down. Arm wringer applied - 'Pac punches, right by
Hardy, right, right, whip is reversed and Credible trips up Hardy -
somehow referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas misses this - and X-Pac DOES land his
back heel kick. 'Pac tosses him out to Credible, then joins him in a
double crotchin' on the ringpost. Here's Albert - pressing Hardy OVER the
top rope and back into the ring. Lackadaisical cover - and Hardy gets
the shoulder up because of it. 'Pac hits the headlock - crowd getting
into it as Hardy rises - two elbows in the gut, gutshot breaks it
up, right, right, into the ropes but 'Pac hits a sweet flipping
clothesline - 1, 2, no! Head to the buckle - kick trifecta. Heyman calls
it a Chief Jay Strongbow skip, ha ha - there's the broncobuster. X-Pac
poses on the second rope - he takes a bow! Man, X-Pac should have shaved
YEARS ago, it makes him so COOL now. X-Pac tries a footdrop but Hardy
catches it, spins him around while HE spins for the discus right! Right
by Hardy, right by X-Pac, Hardy, X-Pac, X-Pac, puts him in the corner,
gutshot trying to hit the X Factor out but Hardy drops down, double leg,
WOW catapult into the turnbuckle! Ten heads to the top buckle for Hardy -
scoop...and a slam. Second rope AHHHHHHHHHHH legdrop - 1, 2,
NO! ("Scores" count: one) Motioning for the Twist of Fate - but X-Pac
follows through on the swing, hooks the arms for a backslide, feet on the
second rope - 1, 2, NO!! Hardy with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, off the ropes, 'Pac
steps aside and Matt goes sailing out of the ring. Here comes Credible to
stomp on him - Jeff runs over and gets a shot on him, then completely
overruns him (ha) - back over to Credible with a kick - running back,
running forward, off the steps - but Albert catches him. Jeff Hardy's
back, STEEL post. Have you met? X-Pac off the apron with a fist in the
back - stomp - now *Lita* inteferes, climbing X-Pac's back - 'Pac tosses
her over his shoulder to the floor. Hardy rolled in - now
is out with a cheap shot to X-Pac - rolling him in - X-Pac looks back to
Guerrero, missing that Hardy is right there - gutshot, Twist of Fate - 1,
2, 3. X-PAC WUZ ROBBED!! (6:00)
Backstage, Terri and Dean try to reach Perry, who is staring off into space as EMT's shine lights into his eyes. "You're welcome."
Meanwhile, Kurt Angle is WALKING! Whoa...and SMILING!
Here's a look at the former San Jose Arena - and all of it's new signage designating it the Compaq Center. By the way, to say the show was "SOLD OUT" is to be fudging a little bit - the very, very tippy top two or three rows were empty for most of the upper sections, but you'd really have to be looking to notice it.
During the break, the platform and some flags were set up in the ring, and now KING KURT ANGLE is out (with RAW credits, TV-14-DLV ratings box, and CC box) "Thank you. This is my night, people. Now I know that time is precious here in the World Wrestling Federation, so I will be brief." He's got...a scroll? "Angle sux!" "What is a hero? A hero is someone that people look up to - if not worship. A hero is someone who is clearly superior to the common man. A hero is someone people pay perfectly good money to sit in an arena or watch at home, and think... 'damn, I wish I was more like him.' And I know that you people don't have many heroes in your lives. Well, people...it's your lucky day. Because you are looking at a genuine true-life hero. To win Olympic gold is one thing, but to have your medals stolen, and soiled against human genatalia...and to win them back in a grueling two-out-of-three fall epic, well that my friends isn't special...it's damn well AWE INSPIRING. Which brings us to tonight, and tonight, to commemorate my glorious achievement... ["Angle sux!"] Oh no I don't! I'm an Olympic champion - it's true, it's DAMN true! Tonight, I will recreate my Olympic winning victory ceremony. And I would hope that you people would have as much respect as the good citizens of Atlanta had when I won these babies five years ago. So without any further ado, let the awards ceremony commence." The ABC-commissioned theme from the Olympics plays (Wow, the WWF paid to use outside music?) and Angle climbs onto the platform as the PYRO goes off - and about a hundred pounds of confetti falls. It's SO thick you can barely see Angle through it.
Angle fights back those tears. Heyman's commentary is
amazing. The song ends, and almost immediately "Brand New Money" begins
as SHANE-O MAC makes his way to ringside. The confetti is STILL falling,
and will continue to fall at various intervals throughout the rest of the
show, thanks to the air conditioning system. Shane gets a mic. "Kurt,
sorry for the interruption, but I was in the area so I figured that I'd
stop by. Now Kurt, you said that time is precious here in the World
Wrestling Federation and that is true, so let me get right down to it.
Now Kurt, you have your three I's but Kurt, I also have three letters.
And those letters are WCW. And Kurt, a lotta rumours have been going on
so, basically what I wanted to come out here to say is that WCW is
starting very soon, and it's starting sooner than everyone thinks." "So
what? The WCW's starting soon? Nobody cares! What people care about is
my awards ceremony! So do you mind?" "Actually, Kurt, I was finished,
but - why don't we take this time and let's get into maybe, maybe you just
don't understand what WCW means. Let's take the first letter. The first
letter, W, meaning world. Now Kurt, we live in a world, we live on the
planet Earth. But there are also many other planets. There's Mars,
there's Jupiter, there's...Pluto, and those planets also have many moons."
"Hold on a second - do you mind, I'm in the middle of my awards ceremony,
okay? You're gonna come out here and do this." "Kurt, before I was so
rudely interrupted, I just wanna make sure that you understand, again,
what WCW means. Now we're onto the letter C. C stands for championship,
which obviously you do not have any currently at the moment. C has many
other meanings, too. C can stand for crayon, coyote, and C also stands
for cookie, which is good enough for me." "What are you talking about?
You're gonna come out here, right in the middle of my awards ceremony.
You have no respect!" "Kurt, you said time is precious. Let me get down
to, make sure you understand again, to the last W. W stands for
Wrestling, which obviously you are very good at that. But W also stands
for, I don't know - (Shane climbs up to the top platform) water, whatever
- um...and, in some cases, (fakes tears), wussy." Angle finally climbs up
top and hits the Olympic Slam from the platform to the ring (wow!) into a
sea of confetti. Then he puts on the Anglelock...then releases it. Play
his music! Is Shane writing his own stuff, 'cause if anybody else had
written it, I'm SURE somebody would have had the balls to tell that writer
that those lines SUCKED. Here's some replays.
Back to Austin's dressing room, where Debra is drinking some coffee. Austin asks her where the heck she was - she had to go to the other side of the building to get her coffee. Austin relates what Regal said (sneaking another "son of a bitch" by the censors - but it's after 10, this time, so maybe he went home). "I'm glad to see everything's okay." That's the cue - Undertaker pops into the picture and makes Debra cry out. "HEY WOMAN! You scared? Well you damn sure should be. Hey Steve!" Austin freezes as Taker goes chest to chest with him. "It ain't over, son. It ain't over between me and you. It ain't over 'til *I* say it's over. You see, you made this thing personal - it ain't about the WWF anymore, all right? This thing's personal. You hear what I'm telling you? It's like I told you before - you mess with my family, and I hurt you. And last night I hurt you. I beat your ass, and deep down inside, you know it. But listen to what I'm telling you now - if you ever decide to bring my family into this again (sniff, look to Debra)....I'm gonna show you what it's like to step on somebody's family. You got a problem with that?" Austin makes some sort of noise. "That's what I thought." Taker leaves, and Austin comes back to life. "You see what I'm talking about? Him busting in on you like this - you know what? You know why I didn't whip his ass? Because you were right there, and I ain't gonna put my wife in jeopardy. That's why I didn't whip his ass! And you know what? Come to think of it, I just couldn't whip his ass 'cause you were here, and it never woulda happened had you been here! The Undertaker's gone, I'm concerned about you, I damn near beat that man's ass! I didn't want to put you in jeopardy." HA HA HA AUSTIN RULES, HE'S SUCH A COWARD
A heroic effort was put forth by those with leaf blowers and brooms to clear the ringside area of confetti
SummerSlam ad #2 - you think they want to sell it out in a day?
"Foley is Good" ad
Two cops escort Shane out of the building - but I thought he owned 25% of the company?
TONIGHT: Triple H & Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit - and the tag team titles are ON THE LINE!
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ (with Spike Damn Dudley - and Let Us Take You Back to Judgment Day) v. CRASH HAS NO LAST NAME & KOOL MOE DEE (with Molly Holly) - You know, I said it last night on my ezboard (as featured in Online Onslaught!) - that Tag Team Turmoil match, from top to bottom, was entertaining AND WELL-BOOKED. Hopefully the few of you who didn't believe me now have the benefit of hindsight after seeing that three matches tonight are direct effects of that single match last night - Radicalz/APA, this one, and the main event. Plus, it went half an hour and that's a good thing, too. Let's get to THIS match: Pier Four Brawl to start - Bubba Ray (guess they're gonna spell it THIS way now) on Crash and D-Von on Hardcore Holly. Bubba Ray sees Hardcore getting the better of D-Von and leaves Crash to help him out. Hardcore tossed. Crash into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl slam by Bubba Ray, legdrop by D-Von, Ross calls Crash "Spike" but corrects himself. Head to the buckle, big slap, head to the buckle, tag. D-Von with an open-handed slap as the crowd asks for tables. Arm wringer by D-Von - Crash to the eyes, front face to the corner, tag - open kick for Hardcore, kick, kick, into the ropes, D-Von reverses and hits the jumpin' back elbow. Molly and Spike are trading frames on the outside, so D-Von walks over to ask what's up - Hardcore sneaks in his Best Crotchkick in the Business while he's occupied. Right hand, Hardcore gets to stompin' - and there's one between the legs.
Scoop...and a slam. Crash gets the tag - stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp. Into the ropes, clothesline, leg is hooked, 2. Another
quick 2. Ross almost calls D-Von "Bubba Ray" - I guess all of Heyman's
"Jewish" comments are rattling him. Gutshot by Dudley, Crash rakes the
face, again front facelock to the corner - tag, Hardcore with kicks.
Into the ropes, Best Dropkick in the Business. 1, Bubba Ray with a kick
to the head to break it up. Hardcore with a nice snap suplex for 2.
Combos Double Feature of the dropkick. Chop by Holly, chop by D-Von,
Holly, D-Von, right hand by Holly. Choke on the ropes. Tag. Right hand
by Crash, into the ropes, gutshot, DDT. 1, 2, weak kickout by D-Von.
Crash winds up - but D-Von ducks the punch and turns it into a...a...hmm,
started as a Slop Drop but D-Von slams him instead of falling backwards
into it. At any rate, both men are down and the crowd is clapping - but
men tag - for Bubba Ray, is a HOT TAG! Clothesline for Hardcore,
clothesline, Crash brought in the hard way - Hardcore into the ropes, BIG
backdrop - Crash into the ropes, head down, Crash kicks him in the nuts,
climbs onto the shoulders but Bubba Ray is over - DUDLEY DEVICE! Scoop
and a slam for Hardcore - "What Are You Doing?" - testify dance, D-Von,
catchphrase. Bubba Ray lays into Hardcore in the corner while D-Von finds
a mountain of confetti (and a table) under the ring. Molly tries to
convince him not to get the furniture involved - Spike is over to keep
Molly out of harm's way - and now Crash is through the ropes, dropkicking
the table and taking out D-Von and Spike in the process! Bubba Ray
watches this - Hardcore with a surprise gutshot and DDT to take HIM
down. Crash grabs the bell and puts it in the ring...but Molly grabs it
from him and tells him no! Hardcore up from behind to take the bell from
Molly - WHACK for Bubba Ray - Crash helpfully returns the bell to the
timekeeper just in the nick of time as referee "Blind" Teddy Long returns
to us and counts 1, 2, 3. (5:35) Hardcore: "Thank you
very much." Molly seems unhappy.
Backstage, Vince apologises on behalf of his family - he's had Shane thrown out of the building, but he still apologises. Angle says he hopes Vince isn't mad at him for putting Shane in the anklelock. "Quite frankly, I am - because you had the anklelock on Shane...why didn't you go ahead and break his angle? Why didn't you do that - and the next time you have that opportunity, I wanna hear that snap, crackle, pop. And you know what, since you've got your gold back, tonight I wanna give you the opportunity - I want to reward you - I want to give you the opportunity for more gold. Tonight, you've got an opportunity to win the intercontinental championship." "Thank you, Mr. McMahon, thank you very much." "Against Kane!" It just strikes Angle that he's facing Kane. "Thank you....I think."
This Sunday on Superstars, you can feel the awesome power of the WWF Racing team - just like Triple H and Stephanie did!
Backstage, the Dudleyz lick their wounds. "I can't BELIEVE Molly Holly!" "D-Von, she didn't mean to!" "What do you mean she didn't mean to? I saw it with my own eyes, Spike!" "It was an accident." "An accident?" Spike, lemme tell you something, okay? Me and Bubba have been here a lot longer than you - we know who to trust and who not to trust - and the Hollys are somebody you just don't trust!" "You've got it wrong - it didn't go down like that!" "Listen to me - who you gonna believe - THEM or..." Bubba Ray stops them. "You know what has to happen now." "Bubba, please - no, don't do this. You don't have to do this." "That bitch is going through a table."
Meanwhile, Matt holds his shoulder while Jeff & Lita watch. Eddie Guerrero comes in and tells him he did such a good job defending his title tonight, why doesn't he stay back while he and Jeff take on Edge & Christian. Matt asks Jeff if he's cool with that. "Come on! I don't believe this, man, what I've gotta prove myself again to you guys?!" Jeff tells him to chill out, it's cool. "You know, I'll always be there for you guys. You can join us too, Lita." 2Xtreme does the Wonder Twins hand touch - Eddie goes to join them but they break before he gets there. Ha!
Meanwhile, Jericho and Benoit look to be discussing strategy, but we can't hear 'em.
Your hosts are LARRY KING & PAUL HEYMAN.
TONIGHT: It's a tag team title match!
Meanwhile, Helmsley asks Austin to remember this word on their belts - "team." "I know last night we had a little mishap - I notice you still have both of your titles, and I don't have the intercontinental title...because of you. Because of your mistake. Now, you still have your WWF Championship...because of me. Because I don't make mistakes. Remember that tonight." "My name is Stone Cold Steve Austin, I don't think I deserve to be talked to like that. Especially before an important match like this." "You don't deserve it?" "No." "Then prove it."
Here's a look at WWF New York!
Inside, Steven Richards has a major announcement regarding the Right to Censor. "That's right, Mr. Ross. I have an announcement that will change the face of World Wrestling Federation history! And my announcement is so important, that it needs to be said right here--" Heyman: "STOP! Stop! Steven! We don't GIVE a damn what the hell you have to say! Just shut up! Take a walk, tell everybody there in Times Square See ya later! What a jerk - I hate censorship!"
EDDIE GUERRERO & JEFF HARDY (with Lita - and Earlier Tonight) v. EDGE & CHRISTIAN - (scores count: two on the replay) Don't forget - two big matches to come after this one! Edge and Guerrero start - kick by Guerrero, right, right, into the ropes, Edge up and over, leg lariat by Guerrero, outside for the trademark senton, tag to Hardy, open kick. Right, right, kick, into the ropes, reversed, clothesline ducked by Hardy, dropkick - going to slingshot out but Edge slides in - Hardy stops and lands on the apron. "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" by Hardy - Christian over to pull him off the apron to the floor. Into the barricade, rolled back in for Edge to stomp on him. Backbreaker across the knee - 1, no. Tag to Christian. Edge holds him for Christian to stomp on. Into the ropes, big powerslam. 1, 2, Hardy gets the shoulder up. Christian pulls him away from his corner - right hand in the back. Another overhand right. Shoulder to the turnbuckle - Christian with rights to the small of the back - Guerrero tries to come in, but all he does is draw away referee "Blind" Mike Chioda - allowing Edge to sneak in some illegal action. There's a tag. Knee between the shoulderblades and Edge works the chinlock. Lita starts to fire up the crowd - here comes Jeff - right - kick by Edge - Hardy counters the suplex attempt and hits his sitout jawbreaker. Guerrero wants the tag - he'll GET it! Christian from the other side - Guerrero duck, right, right, Edge gets a kick, put in the ropes but it's reversed, Guerrero with a 'rana! Christian right, right, HARDY over - Guerrero and Hardy with synchronised punches - into the opposite corner, Guerrero with the follow clothesline - then dropping down and convincing Jeff to hit Poetry in Motion off HIS back! (Ross: "Twist - err, Poetry in Motion!") Guerrero looks for a handshake - they hit five, then Guerrero spies Edge coming in and shoves Jeff out of the way to take the bullet...or spear, if you will. Hardy over with a right for Edge, right, right, right, right, Chioda pulls him off - meanwhile, Guerrero put up top by Christian - Edge is over - are they going for the stack superplex? Lita trips up Edge, though, and crotches him on the post - above them, Guerrero punches, hits a super Sunset flip (!) and covers Christian for the 1, 2, 3! (4:18) Yeah, well call it an upset if you like but they had to CHEAT to get the win - here's your replays and WOW that Sunset flip looked painful.
Kane pshychs himself up, grabs his belt and gets ready to rumble
WWF Shop Zone dot com ad
Hey, look, it's the Greyhound Overdrive of the Week - from Judgment Day, here's some stills of how Kane took the title - mostly due to an errant chairshot from Austin to Triple H, as the story goes...
WWF INTERKANETINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: KANE v. KING KURT ANGLE - they may have been doing this before and I just hadn't noticed 'til tonight, but a lot of entrances now also use those screens to either side of the EntertainmentTron - Kane's, for instance, uses fire, while Angle's has the stars and stripes. Benoit, Jericho, Triple H and Austin also had this treatment, and I'll bet when we see Undertaker's entrance next he'll also have something on those screens instead of the RAW is WAR loop. Perhaps it's a new way of play "spot that main event push?" Right by Angle is blocked, right by Kane, right, right, right, right, back elbow, right, into the opposite corner, clothesline, scooped up on the shoulder, powerslam. Angle ducks the choke, kick, wrenches the bad arm - kick by Kane, back elbow. Angle grabs the bad arm and hits - WOW, it's a wakigatame! Kane locks his knuckles, Angle tells him to let go so he does, Angle drops down - JUJIGATAME! And now, my friends, you know the difference. ("What? That doesn't help me AT ALL!") Okay, let's rewind and try it again. Angle grabs the bad arm and hits - WOW, it's a Fujiwara armbar! Kane locks his knuckles, we'll skip the spot calling this time, Angle drops down and wraps his legs around his head, to a short arm scissors! That's it. Now you know. Kane again tries to lock his knuckles to relieve the pressure on his casted arm - Kane manages to roll over and get Angle's leg off his head - right,
right, right, right.
Every hand on the chest - Angle begs off, but suckers him into a drop
toehold - and now going back to the armbar. Knee to the cast. Another
knee to the cast. Angle outside - bad arm around the ringpost! And
again! Kane manages to pull Angle by both arms into the ringpost to turn
it around. Kane out after him - pops him with a right. Combos Double
Feature. Angle's head, meet STEEL ringsteps. Right hand from Kane.
Angle rolled back in. Angle manages to stomp on the cast as Kane comes
back in, stomp, stomp, back to the armbar. Kane tries a body scissors and
misses - Angle shifts to behind Kane. Still locked it in...but now Kane
is on his knees. Angle GRABS it again and Kane's back down. Kane locks
his hands - on his knees again as Angle is to his feet. Kane on one foot
- fighting his way up and bringing the crowd alive - fireman's carry
takeover to break it! Good arm clothesline by Kane. Kick. Into the
corner - one-armed sidewalk slam out. Kane out - going up top for the
patented flying clothesline. Kane makes the high sign - looks like this
one's - no, Angle manages a kick to get out of the choke. Off the
ropes...but into Kane's boot. Angle to the ropes - Kane clotheslines him
out. Referee "Blind" Tim White won't let Kane go out after him, which can
only mean behind his back SHANE-O
MAC is out to nail Angle with a
clothesline and a few rights, roll him back in to Kane, who hits the
chokeslam, and 1, 2, 3, we got it. (5:52) Replays - I don't
I think Kane had control of things but Shane *had* to get some revanche.
How'd he get backstage after being escorted out, anyway? ("Doesn't he own
25% of the company?") Oh YEAH - I think I bitched about that earlier.
Backstage, it's knuckle up time for Benoit and Jericho. "Well Chris, tonight's the night. Let's not forget where we came from and what we sacrificed to get here? Remember being down in the dungeon with Stu? Just how bad we wanted it - how bad we wanted to make a name for ourselves in this business? All the time we spent in Japan, in Mexico, in Europe, all the CRAP we put up with down south? It's all boiled down to tonight. Tonight is our night. Let's go out there and show them who we are, and why we're here, and what we're all about. You got my back?" "Yeah, you're damn right I got your back. Let's do this, Chris, this is our chance, and it's our only shot - let's make it count."
"Tough Enough" ad #2
"Foley is Good" hit #1 on the New York Times bestseller list - can an Imus appearance be far behind?
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN and THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Can't Act - But At Least We Haven't Seen Her On This Show Until Now & "WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" CD cover - AND Combos snacks present King of the Ring - coming soon, in June!) v. CHRIS BENOIT and CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - Can I tell you that the last main event in San Jose was Angle/Austin for the title? The WWF and San Jose: Fan-TASTIC. Well, it all comes down to this. HERE WE GO! Austin and Jericho start. Kick by Austin, right, head to the buckle, head to the buckle, head to the buckle. Kick, kick, kick,
stomp, stomp, stomp. Austin jaws with
referee "Blind" Earl Hebner while the crowd works up a "slut" chant.
Head to the buckle by Austin. Into the ropes, Jericho ducks, ducks again,
flying jalapeno by Jericho, cover, Austin kicks out before 1. Jericho
with a schoolboy for 1. Chop by Jericho, chop, into the ropes is
reversed, Austin tosses Jericho but doesn't notice he landed on the apron
- instead, he turns to Benoit with a sneer and a double bird. Jericho to
the top - tomahawk! Arm wringer, working the arm - Austin pokes the eyes.
Knee in the gut - knee puts down Jericho. Austin tags out to Triple
H...who runs into a chop. Benoit with a shot as well - chop by Jericho,
tag - doubleteam kicking on Triple H. Benoit with a chop. H goes to the
eyes. Head to the buckle, tag, open kick by Austin. Austin with a chop
of his own, chop, chop, Benoit reverses - HE chops, chop, chop, chop, into
the ropes, Austin with a shoulderblock. Up and over off the ropes, Benoit
buries a knee in the gut. Nice snap suplex by Benoit. Stomp to the back
of the head. Benoit puts Austin on top - right hand by Benoit, chop,
climbing to the second rope - top rope - SUPERPLEX!! Cover - Triple H
breaks it up after 2. Jericho is in with a right for H. As Hebner puts
HIM back out, Austin and H turn it around on Benoit - Austin holding him
for Triple H's kicks. But Benoit fights back - right for H, right for
Austin, H with a right, Benoit punches H, punches Austin, punches H,
punches Austin, getting fired up, punches H out of the ring, punches
Austin, right, Austin to the eyes one more time...but THIS time Benoit
grabs the arm and drops down into the Crippler crossface! H onto the
apron - Jericho with a springboard dropkick to put him back out! While
Hebner puts Jericho out, H runs over to get a chair - WHACK - that'll
break that crossface. H rolls Austin on top, then shoves Jericho to the
floor - Hebner over - 1, 2, NO!! Did a look of surprise just cross
Austin's face? Austin in the mount - right, right, right, right right
right right right - now grinding Benoit's face in the mat. Big ol' knee
to the back of the neck. Off the ropes with a double sledge. Standing on
the neck and using the ropes to make it even worse. H pulls Benoit out
and throws him into the STEEL steps. Benoit rolled back in for Austin's
VERY lax cover - not that way - not tonight. Combos Double Feature of the
whip that breaks up the steps. Tag to Triple H - there's a knee to the
head. Kneelift. Man we DON'T need to see Stephanie right now. Right by
H, right by Benoit, H, Benoit, Benoit, Benoit, Benoit, H put into the
ropes, but he comes right back with the facebuster. Leg is hooked - 1, 2,
NO! Tag to Austin. H distracts Hebner while Austin stomps on Benoit's
jimmy. Blatant choke on the ropes. Austin: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Hebner breaks it up - stomp by Austin - off the ropes with a Boss Man
straddle - slingshot stomp - one more stomp off the second rope - free
shot for Jericho, which brings him in and allows H the illegal switch.
Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Shoulder to the gut by Triple H -
shoulder. Now going to the abdominal stretch - and reaching back for
Austin's hand and the leverage that you can only get by going OLD SCHOOL!
H reaches back again - THIS time they are caught, and Hebner kicks to
break it up - allowing Benoit a hiptoss on H! Benoit off the ropes,
shoulderblock! Off the ropes - but H puts on a sleeper! Benoit fights it
- and Austin stokes the crowd. But Benoit is fading, and fading fast.
Hebner checks - arm falls once - arm does NOT falls twice - Benoit rares
back with an elbow in the gut - another breaks the sleeper - waistlock -
German suplex! Both men are down and the count is on. Hebner's at 5 as H
reaches for Austin - then decides to pull back Benoit instead. Austin
thinks he's too close, coming in to draw over Hebner. H has a boot - but
Benoit lands an enzuigiri! Again, both men are down - Benoit ready to
make the tag...Austin in *again* and Hebner misses the tag. H tosses
Benoit out of the ring, where Austin rams him into the commentary table,
unleashes a flurry of forearms (four) to the back - rolls him back in over
Hebner as Jericho comes over to meet him - right hand, forearm, while IN
the ring H hits the Pedigree! Jericho puts Austin into the STEEL steps -
Hebner is STILL busy. Jericho climbing up top - missile dropkick to
Triple H!! Jericho back to his corner - Hebner back in the ring with
Benoit and Triple H both out of it. Hebner's count gets to 6 as Austin
gets the tag - and SO DOES JERICHO! Clothesline for Austin! Off the
ropes with a clothesline! Into the ropes is reversed, but Jericho hits
ANOTHER flying forearm smash! H gets a clothesline - right hand for
Austin - and clotheslining H out of the ring! **** Austin with a right -
into the ropes, Jericho ducks, Austin tries the Lou Thesz press but
Jericho catches him and drops him...then turns into the Walls of Jericho!!
Will Austin tap? Nope - Triple H saves him. Jericho flies out of the
ring - and H is out after him. H is limping something fierce - pulls the
top off of the commentators' table and removes the monitors. He's gonna
Pedigree him through that table - NO! Jericho with a double leg takedown
- and the Walls of Jericho!! Meanwhile, Benoit is up top - SWANDIVE
HEADBUTT! Ross says Triple H is tapping but how can that help out there
on the commentary table? Benoit's not the legal man anyway, ha ha.
Benoit finally lets go of the hooked leg and walks to the ropes. "Get
your ass in here!" But Austin is rising behind him - KICK WHAM STUNNER!
Hebner back in - 1, 2, JERICHO PULLS HIM OUT! Jericho in the ring - right
hand, Austin put in the corner, off the ropes with a bulldog - LIONSAULT -
BUT IT HITS THE KNEES! Austin is up - KICK WHAM - NO, Jericho shoves him
into the ropes, back elbow...and now he DOES hit the Lionsault! Awww,
Triple H has the sledgehammer - Jericho moves and H plunges the
sledgehammer into AUSTIN!! Benoit bowls H over and out of the ring -
Hebner is up, Jericho has the leg hooked, 1.....2......3!!!!!!!!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team
champions! (13:55) The
Celebration is on but we're WAY over time - credits are up and we're out
Post-match, any plans to tease a breakup for the house crowd were quickly scuttled as the trainer and two refs immediately came down to ringside check on Triple H. Up there where I put the four stars, H apparently landed wrong on his left foot but managed to gut out the last two minutes of the match without anybody in the audience knowing he'd injured his leg. H couldn't stand on his own - with a ref under each arm and the trainer watching closely, he made his way backstage, while Austin improvised a chase with Hebner to focus the crowd's attention onto them and away from Triple H.
Kind of a downer, because it was such a GREAT match - and a good show overall, at least to me. Then again, Rick and I were the only ones to like the pay-per-view, right?
Now SHUT UP ALREADY about how you don't like the WWF. If you couldn't find ONE thing to like about this show, I ain't got TIME FOR YA. We'll see you for SmackDown!