WWF RAW is WAR
original WrestleLine teaser: I'm more of a high class call girl - you seem to want a cheap whore
I GET LETTERS: By the way.. keep on recapping RAW and Smackdown for Wrestleline, good job! - "Smoke Dawg," yesterday
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Gene Okerlund: Dean Malenko, everybody thought coming into this match here tonight that you were gonna beat Chris Jericho. I talked to people in Las Vegas, Nevada - the oddsmakers even picked you to win tonight...but you didn't. .... Dean Malenko, I've known you since you've been a young man. I knew your great father that preceeded you in this tremendous sport before you. Dean Malenko, this is a match that you should have won tonight...and you didn't! .... Dean Malenko, you are oh for four in WCW mega-events, I'm gonna go back to Starrcade, I'm gonna call you on the carpet, you didn't win at Starrcade, you didn't win at Souled Out, you didn't win at SuperBrawl, and you didn't win here tonight! Now you are a bona-fide loser! .... Where does Dean Malenko go from here?
Dean Malenko: Home. (WCW Uncensored 1998 - thanks to Tony Gancarski)
TONIGHT: It's live, one more time! The Undertaker is expected to be around! The King of the Ring is expected to start! But as for actual MATCHES being announced...well, maybe you expect too much! Be back in ten!
THIS WEEK'S SPECIAL MIAMI VICE GUEST STAR: nobody. How depressing!
QUICK QUOTE: WWF 12.57 (+ .33, last year: 17 5/8), SPLN 2.80 (+ .15, last year: 14 1/16 - and good riddance)
TV-14-DLV - One World - CC - Leader Attitude - WWF!
Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! It was another title shot for Benoit...another great match...and another disputed victory by the champ.
WHEEE PYRO is out and we're off again! Coming to you LIVE from the (allegedly) SOLD OUT Target Center in Minneapolis, MN 4.6.1 and transmitido en espanol SAP on TNN & TSN! Two KOR Qualifiers tonight, but first...a quick look at WWF New York! NOW, but first....
WWF INTERKANETINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: KANE (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) v. CHRISTIAN (with Edge - and Edge's music) - words from the challenger: "You know, I feel sorry for you Minnesotans...who have nothing to cheer for but freaks! I mean, when your greatest living sports hero is a fat, overrated weeble like Kirby Puckett...and your intercontinental champion has been burned more times than Kevin Garnett in the playoffs...well that can be pretty depressing." "Which is why you people are in for a very special treat - a new intercontinental champion that totally reeks of something nonexistant in Minneapolis - and that is awesomeness!" Christian ducks the swing, right, right, right, right, tries a whip, but Kane shoves him off. In the corner, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Opposite corner whip, pulled into the short clothesline. Kane going out - Kane going up. Christian meets him in the corner, right, right, right, Kane just shoves him off again - THERE'S the flying clothesline. Edge is on the apron and referee "Blind" Chad Patton is over to Edge - missing the cover. Right for Christian. Taking a swing at Edge, but he drops down and laughs. Kane lets himself out of the ring and grabs an unwitting Edge...but this leaves him open for an attack from behind by Christian. Drop toehold into the STEEL steps! Edge gets in some shenanigans while he's down. Christian trying to bring him in over the top rope, but Kane drops off the apron with a hot shot. Big boot. Elbowdrop MISSES, and Christian hits a nice dropkick to get 2. Right by Christian, right by Kane, right puts Christian down. Into the ropes, Christian ducks, Kane scoops him onto his shoulder and one-hand powerslams him. Back body drop off the ropes by Kane. Christian slips out of the corner to avoid the punch - climbs the rope - but Kane catches him in the corner and tosses him back to the centre. Chokeslam sign is up - but Kane shoves him off, seeing Edge on the apron, and brings HIM in the hard way. Chokeslam for Edge! Christian manages a trip to bring Kane out - suddenly, a siren hits and "wCw" appears on the EntertainmentTron. It's WCW's HUGH MORRUS! No Laughing Matter for Edge! Patton, outside dealing with Kane and Christian, apparently didn't hear that crazy music. Back in the ring with everybody - Christian tries the Unprettyer but Kane shoves him off into the corner - gutshot out, powerbomb, 1, 2, 3. (4:10) We take a shot of the control room, where Shane is high-fiving the production crew.
Vince McMahon is WALKING! He doesn't seem happy. But wait! He's not headed for the truck...no, he's headed to the stage! Let's hope this walk takes about three and a half minutes because it's time for our first break of the night...
Hmmm..... "wCw" .... "nWo" .....NAAAAAAH
1-800-CAL-LATT presents the WWF Rewind! From SmackDown!, McMahon decks Hebner, but fails to get the chair to Benoit - instead, Benoit whacks HIM...but Austin manages the tights pull rollup to retain his beloved WWF Championship.
BILLIONAIRE VINCE has some words for us - well, for you at least.
"Well it's pretty obvious...it's pretty obvious... ["ass
hole"]...it's quite obvious that as far as Shane McMahon's intentions, as
far as WCW is concerned - obviously, Shane's just trying to be a disruptive
force here in my World Wrestling Federation, and uh, well, that's just not
gonna happen, Shane-o. Now then, Chris Benoit. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK
YOU ARE? Last Thursday on SmackDown!, Benoit, you viciously attacked
me...some would say you brutalised me. I've got bruises, contusions,
hematopas (huh?) all over my body! I even have a slight concussion! I
could tell you this, Benoit, I don't know if you're the personification of
a Rabid Wolverine or not, but you are definitely an animal. And by the
way, Benoit, that's EXACTLY the way Stone Cold Steve Austin treated you
last week - Austin treated you, Benoit, like an animal. You see, because
Austin defeated you, Benoit, TWICE in one week. First of all, a week ago
tonight, Austin made Benoit submit with his very own submission hold! Last
Thursday on SmackDown! was even better because Austin beat Benoit 1, 2, 3
in his very own hometown! And as far as I'm concerned, Benoit, you will
never again get another title shot for the WWF title and I'll tell you why,
wait a minute! I'll tell you why - because Benoit is *sadistic.* Only a
sadist would hook up Stone Cold and give him a suplex not once, not twice,
but ten times! You see, Benoit, you have to learn to have more respect for
the WWF Champion - the WWF Champion doesn't deserve that kind of treatment,
Benoit! Now I'll remind you of one other thing, Chris Benoit, the WWF
Champion's name is Stone Cold Steve Austin. And one other reminder, uh,
Mr. Benoit, and that relates to tonight right here In This Very Ring. We
will reward you, Mr. Benoit, for your gallant efforts in attempting to
become WWF Champion with a one-on-one match with a 500 pound, seven foot
Big Show. So congratulations, Benoit - you deserve what
FOLEY steps on McMahon's final word with an
entrance - he carries a book
and a mic. "Fo ley!" "What the hell are you doing here?" "Wait wait,
hold on a second, Vince. This'll only take a second - I'm here simply to
thank the fans for making my book (Foley is Good) the #1 New York Time
bestseller for a second week in a row - thank you very much!" "Wait a
minute, let me get this straight. You came out here...to plug your...your
stinking book?" "Wait wait - you make that sound so cheap, Vince, actually
I came out here simply to thank the people...and speaking of people, did
you happen to see that great spread about me in People magazine?
Wait, Vince...I didn't come here to talk about People magazine or my book
(Foley is Good), I came out here to talk about my book...mark." "What
bookmark?" "Well, it's not just any bookmark, Vince. I know it may look
like one, but in actuality it happens to be....a valid WWF contract. You
see, Vince, I know you think your wife (Linda McMahon) is merely trying to
stretch things out as long as she can to take as much money from you as she
possibly can before hitting you with an ugly, bitter divorce--" Vince
gulps. "...and you're right! But before the whole divorce thing happened,
if you'll recall last December, your wife and I sat down and signed a
series of contracts - I'll be honest, I'm running out of these contracts
but I do have a few more...including this one that says that I can make a
main event at any RAW of my choosing...and Vince, uh, just between you and
me, I'm gonna choose the RAW right here in Minneapolis, Minnesota. So! In
This Very Ring tonight, we will see the WWF Champion Stone Cold Steve
Austin...and he will go one on one with...Y2J, Chris Jericho! And you see,
Vince, it's going to be an outstanding matchup, I guarantee that, but
unfortunately it's a matchup that Chris Benoit won't be able to see up
close because I'm going to ban Chris Benoit from ringside." "That makes
some sense." "It's also a match that YOU won't get a good view of, because
I'm banning you as well." "Hold on here, Mick - I admit you almost had me
there, but ah, you got me once on this, you're not gonna get me again, you
see my attorneys told me, I fell for it last time, I'm not falling for it
this time. You see, that contract between you and my wife (Linda McMahon)
was signed in the state of Connecticut - it's valid in the state of
Connecticut - I remind you, we're not in Connecticut; we're in Minnesota,
that contract is not valid. So therefore, why don't you take your leave,
Mr. Foley?" "Darn it, Vince, now I can understand why you're a billionaire
because you're just so darn smart! But you see, Vince, I thoughut you
might realise that so what I did is...I called up one of my fellow New York
Times best-selling author friends...and uh, I'd like to bring him out here
right now. You may now him better as...the governor of the great state of
Minnesota - ladies and gentlemen, MR. JESSE VENTURA!" Ventura
is out in
wacky shades and Jericho-esque overshirt. Nice loafers, Guv! Ventura puts
on some spex and reads the contract. "Well...let me say this. On...on
behalf of all the people here tonight in Minnesota - hi, Sam! - Sam
Jacobsen of the Timberwolves right there - I'll get to you, Vince - no, on
behalf of all the people here tonight in Minnesota, and representing as the
highest elected official in Minnesota...and, to let YOU, Vince McMahon
understand something real clear - you couldn't control me when I worked for
you, and you certainly don't control me now! So it's time for you to learn
a little bit of a lesson - there are more powerful people in the world than
you, Vince McMahon, and you're lookin' at one of 'em! Mr. Foley, by the
power vested in me as the governor of Minnesota, that match will take place
right here tonight, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it!
Mick, here I'll sign it right here, we'll make it official..." "Jesse!"
"Mick...Have a Nice Day." "Ladies and gentlemen, the governor of
Minnesota, Jesse Ventura!" Ventura puts his shades back on and shares some
kind words off mic with McMahon. "Vince - Vince, as we started the night
with a nice little surprise, let me just say I intend to end the night with
a very very BIG surprise. And remember, Vince, Foley ... is ... Good.
Thank you very much."
TONIGHT: Brother versus brother as Jeff Hardy collides with Matt Hardy in our opening KOR Qualifier!
Mick Foley, by the way, eats Big Beefaroni!
Combos snax presents the WWF Slame of the Week! From SmackDown!,
Matt Hardy takes the fall in a six-man when distracted by Lita checking on
Mr. & Mrs. Austin are WALKING! Steve decides he needs to do something to look more evil...and makes Debra carry his bag. "Steve! It's HEAVY!" "Come on!"
KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCH: HARDY BOYZ (with Lita) v. ...OH, WAIT, THEY'RE FIGHTING EACH OTHER - They come out together, but they're opposing each other. With me? Lockup, no. Jeff with a surprise rollup for 1. Legsweep by Matt, 1 count. "WWF Live" display at the bottom of our screen. Lockup, side headlock by Matt - powered out, shoulderblock by Matt. Back to the side headlock - Jeff tries to power out, Matt whips him, Jeff manages a sunset flip for 2. Jeff with an armdrag and armbar. Matt puts Jeff in the corner, Jeff comes out up and over, gutshot by Matt, AHHHH no Jeff shoves him in the corner, shoulder in the gut, whip into the opposite corner - Matt dumps Jeff onto the apron, Jeff hairpull Matt down. Jeff going up...no, slipping back to the apron, right hand, climbing up again, corkscrew moonsault! 1, 2, Matt kicks out. Jeff off the ropes...but Matt puts on the sleeper! Combos Double Feature. Jeff manages to shove Matt through the ropes and out of the ring. Jeff outside - but I think if ANYBODY has that barricade run scouted, it'd be Matt. Matt runs at Jeff, flipped onto the apron, Matt bounces off the ropes from the handspring into the DDT on the floor! Back into the ring - 1, 2, no! Matt puts Jeff into position - second rope - AHHHHHH - Jeff rolls out of the way of the ahhhhhdrop, so Matt lands on his feet. Going for a suplex but Jeff surprises Matt with a sitout jawbreaker. Double leg takedown - double legdrop between the legs. Jeff says it's fwah time (I may have misheard him) but Matt crotches him on top before he can do it - climbing up - Jeff with a right and a shove back in....SWANTONBOMB OHHHH HITS THE KNEES. Matt's ready - gutshot, Twist of Fate - COUNTERED with a backslide by Jeff - 1, 2, 3!! (3:55) Lita's all "hmm, I'm dating a LOSER. I wonder what Eddie's doing right now? He's so SWARTHY."
Austin spit-shines his belt as Debra watches. There's a knock at the door. It's Vince. How's he doing? "Well, my back's killing me." Vince breaks the bad news. "My damn wife has got this divorce thing and she's got Mick Foley in there, he's got an old contract, and he pulled out one of those damn things they did before I threw her in the loony bin! And he's got, ordered a match here tonight, you defending against...against Chris Jericho." "WHY!!" Austin suggests "giving her half" and shutting her up, since it's starting to affect him. He can manage with five hundred million, right? "Steve...what's my name?" "What do you mean, what's your name?" "What's my name?" "It's Vince McMahon." "That's right...and that woman doedn't deserve half of my money." "Well, you're right about that, I don't believe a woman...(Debra shoots him a look)...never mind." Austin says they need to get it straight - it's starting to affect him, and he doesn't deserve it.
Chyna shills Stacker 2
When we come back, Foley happens by Trish Stratus (heh heh) - why's she so down? "Me and Terri Runnels have been having some differences lately." In fact, Terri has challenged her to a bra and panties match, and she doesn't think that's the best way to settle.... Mick wonders if she's afraid of Terri. "No, God no, I'm just saying...." Mick brings up Alexander Hamilton - Trish, being Canadian, just nods as if she knows what he's talking about. Hamilton died in a duel with Aaron Burr - if they'd only worked out their differences in a bra and panties match instead of dueling, he'd still be alive today! "Well, he'd be over 200 years old..." "Exactly!" Foley tells Trish it's her duty as an American to exercise the freedoms that our founding fathers fought for! "Mick, I'm Canadian." "Which is part of NORTH America?" "You're right! Thanks Mick! I'm gonna do it!" Mick makes a lech face. (Well, maybe not.)
Meanwhile, Tajiri pours Regal some tea - it's good but it's two degrees cold. Kurt Angle barges in, scaring the crap out of Tajiri in the process. "What's HIS problem?" "I don't know. Tajiri, go fetch my tea!" "Yeah...go and get him his tea!" Angle asks if Shane's accepted his challenge. Regal says yes. "Great - now I can beat Shane McMahon AND defend my King of the Ring, all in one night!" "I'm sorry - did you want to be in the King of the Ring tournament as well?" Angle reminds Regal that he was just inducted into the National Wrestling Hall of Fame - it'll be no problem. Regal asks if there's anything else he can do for him.
Angle says he wants a match with Spike for his run-in Thursday.
Regal says the Hollys and Dudleyz are already booked in a rematch - why
doesn't he put Spike with the Dudleyz and he with the Hollys. "You want me
to team with the Hollys? Well, they did make me mad enough to break Bob
Holly's arm once and laugh about it. Ah, I smashed Crash over the head
with a chair once, I've physically threatened Molly...but you know what, I
forgive them. And plus they get to be with a Hall of Famer! I will do it,
Meanwhile, the Dudleyz are watching this on a monitor! WOW! "It looks like we're partners tonight." D-Von said they had no choice, and if they HAD it DEFINITELY wouldn't have been him. Bubba Ray tells Spike he better keep his mind on the match, and not on something else - or someONE else.
Your hosts are LARRY KING & PAUL HEYMAN. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week, when Molly went through Spike...and a table.
Here's a look at WWF New York
Inside is MOLLY HOLLY. She thanks Spike for the flowers. "Spike...I really really like you too."
Spike, still watching the monitor, reacts with a big smiley. "She likes me! She likes me! She likes me..."
This month's WWF Fanatic Series presentation is "Chris Jericho: Break Down the Walls!"
SummerSlam hits the Compaq Center at San Jose on 19 August! Tickets are STILL available, but those seats are pretty high up!
This week's People has a Foley spread - here's a peek
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ (with wwf.com logo) v. CRASH HAS NO LAST NAME & KOOL MOE DEE and KING KURT ANGLE (wwfkurtangle.com) (with Let Us Take you Back to the National Wrestling Hall of Fame induction ceremony) - Spike's smile needs to be surgically removed. Angle wants to start but Hardcore won't let him. It's D-Von for the other team. No, wait, it's Spike getting the tag. Now Angle wants the tag - but he doesn't get it. Spike with a free shot for Angle, ducking under Holly and tagging D-Von back in. Gutshot by Holly, right, into the ropes, Dudley ducks, flying clothesline nicely done, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Best Dropkick in the Business turns it around. Crowd wants tables. D-Von pulls Hardcore into a powerslam for 2. Tag to Spike - on him with a elbow - is he munching on his skull? Holly switches and beals him across the ring. Clothesline (not with the bionic arm) puts him down. Hung out to dry on the top rope - Best Crotchkick in the Business puts him over the top on the floor. Bubba Ray over to check on him, much to the dismay of referee "Blind" Mike Chioda - as he puts Bubba Ray back, Crash gets some free shots in. Back in the ring, tag to Crash, into the ropes, forearm in the back as he comes out. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Tag to Hardcore. Angle is wondering why he doesn't get a tag yet. Crash holds him open for some free shots by Hardcore. Nice suplex. Backbreaker across the knee. Cover - 1, 2, no. Tag to Crash - kick, snapmare, knee between the shoulderblades - make that six knees. Crowd is chanting, Angle is chomping (at the bit). Overhand forearm by Crash as he holds the front face. Spike is crawling ever closer to his corner, however....which will bring in Hardcore just in time for Chioda to miss the tag. Crash with the snapmare, back to pulling back on the arms. Now, Crash walks back to Hardcore - but Angle sneaks in a tag before he can get there! Angle in - but Spike hits the armdrag! Drop toehold! Dropkick! Going for a 'dog but Angle shoves him into the corner - and Hardcore runs the apron to throw a right hand. Angle with an overhead suplex that sends Spike SAILING! Stomp, stomp, head to the buckle, right, right, kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, Chioda pulls him off. Angle with a slap in the face. Hung up on the top turnbuckle. "Angle sux!" Right hand. Angle on the second rope - Spike trying to fight Angle off of him - and DOES, shoving him off - DOUBLE STOMP!! Crowd clapping for Spike as Combos brings the Double Feature! HOT TAG TO BUBBA RAY! Hardcore in without a tag - Dudley with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, into the ropes, big back body drop, hooks the arm on Holly's punch, Bubbabomb - Crash in - Samoan Drop for HIM.
Dudley tosses Crash,
Hardcore on his shoulders - and there's a Dudley Device! But Angle is up
behind Bubba - BIG German suplex! Angle is going up! But the moonsault
MISSES! Bubba Ray with a scoop...and a slam...and it's *catchspot* time.
"What are you doing?" Testify dance. D-Von, get 'em. But Crash is back
in the ring with a forearm to D-Von - he does okay until he tries a whip,
and you know what that means - reversal, 3D (Dudley Death Drop). Now
Hardcore is involved, ankling D-Von to the outside. Bubba Ray watches this
instead of Angle, up from behind with an Olympic Slam! If you remember
nothing else, always remember who the legal men are. 1, 2,
Angle leaves the ring to celebrate...and tries to give Hardcore Holly a hug
- Holly shoves him off.
WELL! It's The Big Show! And he's WALKING!
Raw magazine ad
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with RAW Credits & Transmitido en espanol SAP & TV-14-DLV ratings box & CC box AND RAW is WAR is brought to you by Stacker 2, Castrol motor oily and Snickers Cruncher!) v. CHRIS BENOIT (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) - Benoit kicks first, knife-edge chop, chop, kick, kick, Show just throws him into the corner. Well it's a big knee - Benoit slips the next swing - kick, kick, kick, chop, chop, kick, into the rope, nope. Kick, into the rope, nope. Show switches positions - well it's a big slap of the chest. There's another. Benoit into the ropes - well it's a big knockdown. Well it's a big headbutt. Benoit slumps in the corner - but gets up two boots. Kick by Benoit. Show with a hard whip into the opposite corner. Back to the first corner, well it's a big follow lariat. Show poses for the crowd. Benoit is as ragdoll as Show picks him up in a big bearhug. Benoit tries a headbutt - two - three - BITES him to break it. Off the ropes, ducks a Show clothesline but eats a Show big boot. Press...and drop. Show is unfairly maligned by a certain segment of the wrestling fandom, by the way. Second rope elbowdrop from the Show...MISSES! Both men are down. Benoit up first! Off the ropes - dropkick! Show still down - Benoit looks to and fro, and signals that that is it. Up to the top floor...headbutt...CONNECTS!! Or did it? SHOW HAS BENOIT IN THE CHOKE!! Back to his feet - AHHHHHNO!! Benoit up and over, catching the arm on the way down - going for the crossface!! Show rolls it over - 1, Benoit rolls back - and he locks it in!! Will Show tap? Show screams - he won't give up - he won't give up - he - he TAPS!!! (3:44) Referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas tries to get Benoit to release the crossface but he won't...FINALLY he relents - Show ain't gettin' up from that.
HEY HEY! Undertaker is rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' to the arena - and now he's off - and now he's WALKING!
"WWF Tough Enough" ad
WWF Fanatic Series
ad #2 (might be a local spot?)
TAKER (undertaker.com) strides with purpose down to the ring - because, you see, we saw him park his ride before the break. "All right, let's cut right to the chase - somebody's got a death wish, and their wish is about to come true. So whoever the hell is stalking my wife and trespassin' on my property - if you got a problem with me, I suggest you deal with me and not my wife. Bein' in the WWF, I chose this life for me - not my family. In fact, I've gone out of my way to keep my family out of this damn business..." Taker pauses, either because he's REALLY angry - or he forgot his lines. "This crap's gone on long enough, and I'm in no more of a mood for any more tapes and any more letters - enough is enough." Another pause. "And I've warned - I've warned people in the past, don't mess with my family. Hell, I warned Austin, don't MESS with my family! And he knows what'll happen if he does, so I don't think he's stupid enough to play this game. So who the hell is it? Well I'll tell you what, I don't know, but there will be hell to pay here until I find the sick bastard - and when I find this son of a bitch, he'll die a thousand deaths before he EVER videotapes MY family again." Taker looks to the commentary table. "JR...this all started with you. You were the first one to get the letter...and get the tape. I don't think you got something to do with it necessarily, but you better jog your memory, son, because if you know something you ain't tellin' me, you'll be the first one on the list." Ross hems and haws and swears he knows nothing more. "This ain't the time to mess around, JR." "I'm with ya - I understand - but I know nothing about this whatsoever. Are you just gonna sit there? Are you gonna help me here or what?" Heyman: "I mean, to be honest with ya - if it was MY old lady--" Taker slaps the cap off of him. "That's my WIFE!" Ross tells Taker Heyman's got nothing to do with it. "I ain't playin'!" Ross suggests Taker talks to McMahon - he seems to know everything about everything else. "Yeah that's a damn good idea. We'll start with McMahon." But another tape starts airing on the EntertainmentTron. Sara by the pool with her dogs...
"Why look. It's Sara! Where's your husband, Sara? Are you ALL alone at home, Sara? Well don't worry - I'm further away than it looks - have a nice long lens in my camera, but if I wanted to get up close...I could. It's pretty obvious Sara loves animals. I like people who love animals. Oh, look - Sara's going inside. Where she THINKS it's safe."
Taker tosses the mic and heads back up the ramp with a purpose and determiniation in his....well, probably
Time now for a Classic King of the Ring moment! From 1998, Undertaker tosses Mankind off the cage in a spot you just MAY have seen before
During the Break, Taker found the door marked "Mr. McMahon," kicked it in, and forced him to start talking. Vince said he didn't have a damn thing to do with it. "You don't have any time to be jakkin' with me, man!" McMahon says he has an ego - but not a death wish. He thinks he might know who it is, though...the person that rolls the WCW logo on the EntertainmentTron just might be in the truck rolling those tapes - Shane McMahon. Taker says he better not be lying to him, or he'll take the whole WWF and stick it straight up his ass. "You better not be screwing with me, Vince!" And he takes off. "I'm not..."
KING OF THE RING QUALIFIER: RHYNO THE MAN BEAST v. TAZZZZZZZZZZZ (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) - Whoa, Tazz actually *wrestles?* Staredown to start as the "ECW" chant picks up. See, they're ALMOST the same height! Rhyno piefaces him - Tazz right, right, right, block, Rhyno right, off the ropes - but Tazz catches him with a T-bone Tazzplex. Big clothesline. Boot to the face and out goes Rhyno. "WWF Live" crawl. Outside is Tazz - head to the barricade - run into the barricade again. Kick. Tazz puts him back in and follows. Waistlock - Rhyno elbows out - and pulls him into a left-arm clothesline. Kick, kick, right, setting up for the spear in the corner. Snapmares him over - 1, 2, Tazz kicks out. Rhyno with another kick in the head, right by Tazz, right by Rhyno. Overhand right. Picking him up - vertical suplex. 1, 2, Tazz gets that shoulder up. Headbutt by Rhyno - another headbutt. Heyman says Tazz hasn't competed since WrestleMania. Kick by Tazz - right hand, kick by Rhyno, right puts Tazz down. Rhyno on the second rope - Tazz catches him - Hardway Tazzplex (I think - it's been too long) - Tazz makes the "get up" sign - TAZZ WITH THE GORE!! 1, 2, RHYNO KICKS OUT!! Tazz argues the count with referee "Blind" Teddy Long as we take the Combos Double Feature -
back to Rhyno -
whip into the corner is reversed, Tazz AGAIN evades a spear - TAZZMISSION!!
Rhyno pushes Tazz back into the corner - again - Tazz STILL holds the
katihajime. Tazz adds a body scissors. Rhyno finally falls backwards,
breaking the hold. Both men up at 3 - GORE! GORE! GORE! 1, 2, 3. Rhyno
advances. (3:20) Here's
a replay of the gore - and the pin.
Debra asks Steve to calm down. The surprise is bothering him - well, it isn't, but it...it ain't that it's bothering him, but she's still friendly with Mick, maybe she could find out for him. Not that it's bothering him, though. Debra suggests he not finish his cup of coffee. "I'll be right over here with the belt."
"Foley is Good" ad
Take a look at the Minneapolis skyline - and the outside of the Target Center
Earlier today in St. Paul, Kurt Angle, representing "Smack Down Your Vote!," hit the steps of the state capital and received an official proclamation from...well, they didn't say. Must have been one o' them doublespeak organisations. Ross shills wwfvote.com
Debra is WALKING! away from the camera. She's looking for Mick Foley. Then she finds him sitting on the steps, drawing on one of his socks. Debra brings him some candy, then asks what the big secret is. Mick says he won't tell her - but so she doesn't walk away empty-handed, he'll give her a copy of his book (Foley is Good, available now in bookstores everywhere) - which he signs. If he changes his mind, where can he find her? "I'll be down there, right next to the candy." Foley sings "I want candy" as we move to...
Meanwhile, Edge and Christian are shocked to learn that they're both entering the King of the Ring tournament. "Great." "REALLY great." "Greater than great!" "Fine!" "Fine!" and they go off in separate directions. Ooh, Jeff Jarrett reference!
Meanwhile, MICHAEL KING COLE stands with Chris Jericho. "Mitchell Cole, would you PLEASE shut the hell up! Now I've accomplished many things that I'm proud of in my WWF career. I've been the former three-time intercontinental. I'm currently the WWF tag team champion. Hell, I've even told Vince McMahon that he has a very small penis! But the greatest accomplishment that I'm proud of is when I beat Triple H for the World Wrestling Federation championship last year on RAW - now even though that decision was subsequently reversed, for a very short time I had the greatest feeling I've ever had in my entire career - and it's a feeling I wanna have back agayne. Now the current champion tells us week after week that 'mah name is Stone Cold Steve Austin - and I don't deserve to be treated like this!' Well what do you deserve, Steve? Y2J says that you deserve to LOSE the WWF Championship! Y2J says that you deserve to have your jackass handed to you! And Y2J says that you deserve to be treated like the soul-selling SLUT that you really are! Now MY name is Chris Jericho, and tonight, I deserve to be the WWF Champion - and THAT'S the bottom line, because ALL of the Jerichoholics said so!"
Terri is WALKING!
NIPPLES (wwfdivas.com - with Saturn's music - and wwf.com logo)
TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL (wwfdivas.com) in a "bra and panties"
match - What can you possibly say about this
match? I'd go in-depth with a
play-by-play call but what are they gonna do if I don't - FIRE me? HA
HA! Let's move to the end where SUPERSTAR PERRY SATURN runs
out in a robe
- enters the ring - and shows off HIS bra and panties. No, REALLY. Terri
is flabbergasted to the point that Stratus can step up behind her and pants
her for the win. (2:08) Saturn
offers his robe to Terri, revealing that
it's a thong back there. YIKES. SATURN'S ASS LOOKS JUST LIKE CHYNA'S -
anyway, they take turns each trying to cover the other with the robe, then
say "heck with it" and start mackin' in the middle of the ring. Quick,
NEXT: Stone Cold Steve Austin - Chris Jericho - and the WWF Championship is on the line! But WHAT is Mick Foley's surprise?
Combos presents ... no, I guess they don't. LILIAN GARCIA announces a special, outside the ring troubleshooting referee...and here comes MICK FOLEY one more time. Heyman proclaims Verne Gagne "rollin' over in his grave...and the man's not even dead yet!" "Two weeks in a row, number one!" says Foley.
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (with Combos presents King of the Ring!) v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - Champ enters first, because they REALLY want to put the challenger over. Take a drink every time someone says "ten German suplexes." As Jericho enters, I should note that the ONLY Triple H mention we have received to this point tonight...was in Jericho's promo, so I think we can lay off Triple H for his terrible, blatant, obvious attempts to worm his way onto WWF televison even while injured - all right? Austin's steely gaze hasn't left Jericho since he hit the apron - ahh, so he can strike as SOON as he parts the ropes - overhand clubbinf forearm, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Finally the tag belt is off Jericho's waist. Head to the buckle by Austin - and again. One more time, Jericho's skull bounces off the turnbuckle pad. Second rope choke in the corner - referee "Blind" Earl Hebner vainly tries to get Austin off of him. Whip into the corner is reversed - dropkick by Jericho! Another dropkick! Gutshot, right, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, chop, chop, into the ropes, Austin fires back with a kick. Right hand. Into the ropes, Jericho ducks the clothesline - Austin wants the Austin press but Jericho shoves him off, catches his legs, and steps over into the Walls of Jericho! Austin reaches for the ropes - Jericho pulls him away! Austin crawls to the ropes again...and reaches the bottom rope. Jericho lets go and Austin goes outside. Jericho out after him - but Austin catches him with a forearm shiver. Jericho rolled back in. Austin with some words for Foley before returning to the ring - Jericho with a springboard dropkick as Austin hits the apron! Jericho out - head to the barricade - again! Austin kicks back, kick, Jericho right, Austin kick, head to the STEEL steps! Again Austin rams Jericho's head into the steps. Foley tells them to get it back in the ring - now Foley and Hebner are arguing - and Foley doesn't see Austin whip Jericho right into Foley, putting them BOTH down! Austin ready to run Jericho into the steps, but Jericho slips it and shoves Austin KNEE-FIRST into the steps! Gutshot - Jericho drops Austin on the barricade. Right hand, head to the barricade. Jericho back in the ring to break the count - Hebner keeping him from going out again as Foley rolls Austin back in!
Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp - Hebner pulls Jericho back as Austin tries to escape - but Foley
rolls him back in again! Must be a lumberjack match, too! Jericho off the
ropes - trademark bulldog! Jericho to the ropes - Lionsault - HITS THE
KNEES! Both men are down...and Austin is up first. Grabbing Jericho,
Austin puts him into the ropes - BIIIIIIIG spinebuster. Off the ropes,
Austin drops the hammer - that big elbow. Austin runs the knee along
Jericho's face - stomps the hand - boot to the head - and again. Knee to
the face. Austin laying in some verbal shots as well. Six kicks to the
ribs. Austin looks to the crowd - and they let him know they want Y2J.
Second rope springboard stomps - three of 'em by Austin. Snapmares Jericho
over - knee in the shoulderblades and cranking back on the arms. Jericho
screams but won't give up. Austin tells him to give up - no. Jericho
tries to turn it...and manages to do so, but Austin's trick knee acts up at
JUST the worst time for his opponent. Foley saw it, but Hebner didn't.
Austin hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO! Austin quickly back on him with a stomp -
stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp
- they're rolling all around the ring with Austin's stomps. Crowd chanting
"asshole." Another boot to the face by Austin - turning back to Foley - he
takes a kick HIS way, bringing Foley to the apron - Hebner turns to stop
him and Jericho sneaks in a jimmy punch while Hebner's back is turned!
Jericho with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, again, again,
again, again, Austin FINALY lands a right, Jericho right, right, right,
right, rigiht, right, right, kick, kick, kick, mounting him in the corner -
Ten Punch Count Along - make it twelve - yikes - into the opposite corner
is reversed but Jericho gets the elbow up - perched on the second floor -
missile dropkick!! Cover, leg is hooked, 1, 2, NO!! Jericho puts Austin
in the corner, follow lariat, sat on top, right, right, Jericho climbing
up, top rope, FRANKENSTEINER!! Again Jericho covers - 1, 2, NO!! Austin
into the ropes, reversal, Jericho flies off with the flying jalapeno but
Austin has that scouted - dropping down, HEBNER takes the brunt! He's out
of the ring - Austin right, Jerich, Autin, Jericho, Austin, Austin, Austin,
KICK WHAM Jericho shoves him off, double leg takedown...going for the Walls
but Austin isn't - no, HE IS!! AUSTIN IS IN THE WALLS OF JERICHO!! Foley
decides he'd better hit the ring and take over - asking Austin if he wants
to give it up. Here comes COMMISSIONER
REGAL...pulling Foley out and
unleashing a barrage of left hands! Stomping away on the floor - Jericho
lets go and comes out after Regal - THEY get to brawling, while Foley grabs
a chair - running at Regal - duck, and Foley gets JERICHO with the chair!!
TIMMMMMBERRRRRRRR. Regal back over with left hands to Foley,
headbutt...meanwhile, Austin has Jericho - rolled back in the ring - Hebner
is making his way back in - Austin has the leg hooked - 1.......
2.......... NO!!! Austin grabs Jericho - KICK WHAM STUNNER - 1, 2, 3,
Austin has done it again. (10:56) Austin hightails it
with his belt as
Foley has turned the tide - Regal thrown into the ring...where Jericho puts
on the Walls of Jericho! Regal taps (as if it'll help) as Foley
produces...Mr. Socko! And there's a Walls of Mandible Socko! Play
Jericho's music, hit the War Zone credits, it is OVER!
Oops, I had a big long speech to write here, but I never got around to it. So...
Here's the short version: about three weeks ago, I was contacted about continuing on with WrestleLine past the WrestleManiacs contract end. I got an offer, I considered it a joke, made a counteroffer which I'm sure THEY considered a joke, they responded "well, it's obvious you're leaving - that'd be a shame" and so we stopped talking. Apparently, one of us isn't much of a negotiator (I hope it wasn't me), but at least I can say that through all of this, one of us has been as professional as can be expected, up until the teaser for this report anyway.
It seems to me that SportsLine and I have differing ideas about my worth to WrestleLine, as well as WrestleLine's worth to me. So... that's that. I gave this thing the two years I told Rick and Mike I'd give them, it's over, and I'm outta here...and pretty damn relieved about it, too. Thanks to all of you who have written me such kind words (and even the unkind ones) over the two years here at WrestleLine, as well as the sixteen months before, even going back to 1992 on rec.sport.pro-wrestling. I hope you'll continue to find me wherever I may land - even if it's just on some rinky-dink site with no "prestige," no money involved, no advertisements, nothing but a giant high horse for me to sit on with my ideals, even as turning down money is the LAST thing I should be doing. Fortunately for me, I tend to sleep better worrying about how to pay the bills than worrying about compromising my (whatever) for less than I happen to think I'm worth. Still...anybody wanna buy a tape?
Not exactly coincidentally...Thursday, I turn thirty. It may be time to either reevaluate my life and decide what I REALLY want to do....or just party down and get really, really drunk. I think you and I probably know what I'm going to do. (wink) Either way, it looks like the perfect time to break my "iron man" SmackDown! streak - we'll arrange for a guest host and see how long I stay out of the game.
More than ever, sites that are not dependent on advertising need your support. I strongly encourage you to check out sites like otherarena.com, ddtdigest.com, oursocalledsport.com and a1wrestling.com - and, yes, even slashwrestling.com as well - sites that rely more on a love of the business and not on a love of money to continue to provide you with a place to feed and supplement YOUR love of pro wrestling. And even after all this, the paramount point is that I ENJOY WRESTLING. Don't ever forget it. And expect nothing less from anyone else you may read in the future.
Never before have so many people underestimated and overestimated one man's importance in this "business," all at the same time. If it *never* happens again, at least regarding "CRZ" - well, I couldn't be happier about that.
Whew! And I worried that I'd go out on a PRETENTIOUS note!
See you round, everybody.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman