WWF RAW is WAR
WWF 12.42 (-.03, last year: 17)
TONIGHT: With the WCW Champion involved - and Ross actually CALLING him "the WCW Champion" - what new twists lie ahead for the war between the two federations? Also, the tag titles are on the line as the Dudley Brothers battle the Fun Brothers - hmm, I wonder what the odds are for a run-in - or is that being overly negative and pessimistic? We'll find out, starting in seventeen minutes!
THIS WEEK'S SPECIAL MIAMI VICE GUEST STARS: (tie) Ian McShane and Robert Beltran - Are you KIDDING me? *Lovejoy* as a Central American dictator? With *Chakotay* as his lieutenant? You GOTTA love Miami Vice!
TV-14-DLV - CC - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
IMMEDIATELY, "No Chance in Hell" starts, we see the TV-14-DLV ratings box *again*, and ONLY 700 MILLIONAIRE VINCE quickly walks out to the ring. We are LIVE and transmitido en espanol SAP and no time for the rest. "You know, last night - last night at the King of the Ring, there was an ugly rumour going around - and that rumour was simply that if either Chris Benoit.... ["ass hole!"] - the rumour was that if either Chris Benoit or Chris Jericho became WWF Champion, then quite frankly they would come here tonight to Madison Square Garden and defect to WCW. Well, that didn't happen and quite frankly (2) it never will, because I'm proud to say that STILL your World Wrestling Federation Champion - Stone Cold Steve Austin! And by the way, Austin is still champion - he did it ALL on his own, he beat two men at the same time, and in spite of blatant, cowardly interference on the part of someone else who calls himself a champion - the WCW Champion, Booker T. Now quite frankly, the burning question on every sociologist's mind these days is, what does the 'T' stand for in Booker T? How do you spell 'T?' 'T-E-E?' 'T-E-A' like the tea that you drink? Or maybe the T just stands for, like, Terrible. Maybe - maybe T stands for TRASH. Maybe the T stands for Troglodyte, like one of those prehistoric troglodytes like Booker T looks like (RACISM!), or maybe, maybe the T stands for 'Temporarily employed' - because that's exactly what you are, Booker T, temporarily employed, just like every WCW star, because it is my intention to once again put WCW, as well as my son Shane, right out of business. And by the way, no WCW star has any business being here tonight in Madison Square Garden. This is hallowed ground, where no WCW star has ever walked, or ever will. Indeed, this is the house, this is Madison Square Garden, the house the World Wrestling Federation helped build! A house in which - a house in which we all have had so many memorable WWF moments, such as the one I'm about to share with you now - when my father (Vincent James McMahon) was inducted into this very Madison Square Garden hall of fame. Let's take a look."
Well, this is ACTUALLY the old (1996) *WWF* Hall of Fame clip for Vincent J. McMahon, but it does include the MSG Hall of Fame plaque. Dig that Todd Pettengill voiceover! The MSG crowd pops for all the old-timers on the screen (Blassie, Monsoon, Andre)
"I assure you - no no, I *guarantee* you - that tonight, there will be many more memorable moments here in Madison Square Garden."
Straight to the Opening Credits
BIG APPLE PYRO - coming to you LIVE from the Grandaddy of Them All, Madison Square Garden in New York City and this crowd is pumped - those guys STILL have their signs arranged as "J2Y" - one night removed from the King of the Ring - 25.6.1 - WWF New York is as jam-packed as this arena and let's not waste time...
TONIGHT: Kane & Undertaker vs. The Dudley Boyz for the tag team championship!
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST (with Let Us Take You Back Ten Days) v. RHYNO (THE MAN BEAST) (with the wwf.com logo) - champ enters first so we can see one more time how Test took the title - or see Stacy one more time, you decide. Here we go, kick by RHyno, right, right, into the opposite corner, big spear puts Test down. Rhyno already out to look for da plundah - trashcan in - well, no, as Rhyno puts it to the apron Test runs in and boots the can into Rhyno. Tonight: light heavyweight title on the line! Test out of the ring - say, Test doesn't go over the top rope like Diesel anymore - hmmm. Rolled back in, garbage can in, lid in, another can in, another lid in. Test in. Rhyno has a can to meet him - Test ducks - Rhyno ducks the boot - here, catch this - Test catches the can and rams it into Rhyno's head (!) - 1, 2, no. Rhyno rolls out and Test follows. Kick by Rhyno - into and over the barricade. And now the brawl moves through the crowd, referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas in hot pursuit. Test meets a safety rail. Right by Rhyno, right, setting up the safety rail as a lean-to - suplex blocked, Test switches positions and suplexes *Rhyno* into the safety rail, breaking it. Backstage we go, Test leading Rhyno by the hair - right, right, head rammed into a...hmm, a large something. Rhyno comes back, downstairs, upstairs - he places a table next to the table Test set up - Test back with three rights - Rhyno laying across the tables and Test climbs the whatever it is...but Rhyno is off the tables and pulling Test down - Test boots him away - boot, right, fire extinguisher to the gut, right - Test going up - looks like a big Savage elbow - YES! The tables don't break - instead they kinda squirt out either side. 1, 2, nope. PlayStation Double Feature. Test with a right. Test loads Rhyno into a recyclables container and wheels him into a wall. Test with a ladder to the gut. Positioning the ladder along a curb (kerb?) yeah, that too. Going for a powerbomb but Rhyno backdrops out. There's a GORE! GORE! GORE! into a metal wall - 1, 2, 3!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new hardcore champion. (4:33) Rhyno celebrates, but not for long. Hey, look, it's AWESOME MIKE AWESOME running in with a 2x4 across the forehead! And there's an AWESOMEBOMB ON THE LADDER! Awesome grabs Korderas by the lapels and demands he make a count - and he does. 1, 2, 3!! Ladies and gentlemen, the WCW Hardcore champion is in the WWF, and we have a NEW WWF Hardcore champion...from WCW. (0:35)
Moments Ago, one paragraph ago
Your hosts are LARRY KING & PAUL HEYMAN.
WWF LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: JEFF H ARDY (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by Stacker 2, Castrol Motor Oily, and Uncle Ben's Mini Bowls!) v. X-PACTOR - This return match was apparently booked because people who *paid* to see this match *last* night are *idiots.* 'Pac strikes before the bell with forearms in the back. Hardy fires back with rights. Into the ropes is reversed by 'Pac, Hardy with a shoulderblock. Up and over, 'Pac with the leapfrog - hiptoss blocked, 'Pac with a gutshot, flippy flippy, Hardy ducks a heel kick, 'Pac catches a side kick so Hardy drops back with a mule kick. Off the ropes but 'Pac dumps him on the apron - 'Pac trying the dropkick through the ropes, but Hardy flips over the top and back in the ring. This is fast like, yo. Hardy DOES hit a dropkick through the ropes. THE SHIRT'S OFF SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL. Right hand by Hardy, and back in we go. The sound effect for the WWF Live crawl sounds but the graphics ain't happening - ahh, there they are. Whip into the corner is reversed, Hardy vaults to the top rope off of it, but 'Pac follows with a dropkick in the butt that sends him to the floor by way of the barricade! 'Pac up top - from the corner to the floor with a double sledge!! Rolled back in - 1, 2, nope. Still to come, a tag team title match! 'Pac goes to the headlock - Hardy fighting back to his feet - elbow, elbow, into the ropes, going for a 'rana but 'Pac blocks into a powerbomb - 1, 2, NO! 'Pac signals to the top - and up he goes to the top buckle again - but Hardy meets the splash attempt with a dropkick! Both men are down - both men up at 1 - Hardy ducks a clothesline and connects with a Viscera kick. Into the ropes is reversed, 'Pac's clothesline ducked again, Hardy's crossbody connects. Into the corner, reversed, Hardy up and over, rollup from behind - 1, 2, 'Pac kicks out and Hardy's head hits the bottom turnbuckle. Stomp, stomp, stomp - broncobuster is met with a boot in the groin! Up goes Hardy - but the swantonbomb MISSES! X-Pac with a backslide and the feet on the ropes - of COURSE "Blind" Mike Chioda is gonna MISS that - he's no *Jack Doan,* people! 1, 2, 3! Two matches, three title changes - huh. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new light heavyweight champion. (3:12) Hey, remember ten years ago in Global when the Lightning Kid had all those great matches with....nahh, it'll never happen twice.
As we visit his dressing room, Vince seems unhappy, hitting himself in the temples. There's a knock. "YEAH?" It's Mr. & Mrs. Austin. "Hey Vince, how ya doin'?" Vince stands up. "HOW'M I DOIN'? Where the HELL have you two been? Dammit, on a night where I need Stone Cold Steve Austin right by my side, you're not here. Where the hell have you been? 'How am I doin'.' I'll TELL you how I'm doin', some WCW creep Mike Awesome just came into Madison Square Garden and took a WWF championship - the hardcore title - he RAPED me and he LEFT with a WWF title. HOW AM I DOIN'." Austin ponders this. "You know what? To hell with you, Vince McMahon! I don't give a rat's ass HOW you're doin'! I don't care who came in here and stole your little title - the bottom line is Stone Cold Steve Austin beat Chris Benoit last night and sent him to the hospital, I beat Chris Jericho, the WCW Champion Booker T runs down and it didn't make a difference - I kept the World Wrestling Federation title, I kept it, Vince, I kept it all on my own! Where were YOU? Where were you when I NEEDED ya? Don't give a rat's ass HOW you are." "All right, calm down, calm down. ...then I've just got one question. How are you doin'." "You don't give a damn how I am! I know you, Vince! You don't care!" "Steve, I do - I care - don't say I don't. I care." "Promise?" "(pause) I really care." This leads to a hug - Debra rolls her eyes...and Austin CLOSES his. Yikes!
Edge & Christian shill Stacker 2
Mick Foley shills Chef Boyardee Big Beefaroni - oh, man, can we please *not* see Foley at MSG tonight - just once (Yo, why you turning on Foley like that? You're nothing but a fair weather friend)
And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by 1-800-COL-LECT - from last night, Angle fails - and then succeeds - on suplexing Shane McMahon through some "plate glass"
Check out the Empire State Building! MAN I wish we were at White Castle right now
GARDEN CLASSICS: Eight years - the length of Bruno Sammartino's WWWF title reign will probably never be matched
Let Us Take You Back to Last Night (courtesy: the encore), when
Booker T made a shocking debut, waffling Stone Cold Steve Austin, axe
kick, and then throwing him across the spanish announce table
Backstage, Trish Stratus is on the phone...and Big Show approaches. Looks like he's trying to put the moves on her. He shows off his homemade shirt to get her opinion. "See it says 'Big Show' and it's got an arrow, and it's pointing down to my, ahh..." "To your feet, yeah." "Yeah. Okay, well, you know I made it myself." "Wow!" "Okay, maybe the shirt's out. But here's what I'm really here to talk to you about - I've got this match tonight with Matt Hardy for the European championship, and after I beat Matt Hardy, I'm thinking 'bout going on a little European vacation, you know, England, Sweden, China, you know all the European countries. And I was thinking about you and - you know, you look pretty good in a snow bunny outfit, you know, maybe you wanna go on a little European vacation with me." Why's he RUBBING himself? "European va- hmm - A little downtime in Europe doesn't sound so bad...can we get separate rooms?" "We'll talk about it, yeah, sure, we'll work it out, no problem." "A little downtime in Europe...sounds good, Show, I'll see you down there." "All right! European vacation - she gets the shirt - hehehe - I'm a genius. A genius!"
Meanwhile, Vince offers some vegetables to Debra. There's a knock at the door - it's Kurt Angle. He's a little banged up - Shane's got a heck of a left - but he'll make it. "I gotta tellya - I'm so proud of you. I mean, last night, King of the Ring - three different matches - okay? Winding up - and you should be King of the Ring, okay? You should repeat...but you got even with my no-good son - that OWNER of the WCW - congratulations, man. I appreciate it. Are you gonna be all right, you sure? Are you sure?" "Yeah, I...I suffered a concussion...I cracked my tailbone..." Austin springs to his feet. "WHAT? You suffered a concussion? And you said you'll make it? Heh - you stupid (beep). All you did was wrestle three matches last night. You didn't have a King of the Ring Triple Threat match against the two top guys in the business like Stone Cold, didja? You'll MAKE it? You're pathetic!" Vince: "Wait wait wait - Steve..." "I'm the WWF Champ, man." "There's absolutely no question about that. And this is the--" "I was in a brutal match last night." "Yeah, yeah but I had three matches--" "Who cares, I'm a champion's champion...a fighting champion." Vince invites Angle to take a seat on the couch...and try the broccoli. Angle manages to sit without the aid of a donut. Angle starts to try the carrots (they're really good) but he catches sight of Austin eyeballing him... "maybe later."
GARDEN CLASSICS: a look at Superstar Billy Graham
STEVEN RICHARDS (already in the ring) v. TAZZZZZZZZZ - Black shirt, black pants, no tie, and a mic in hand. "Only three words come to my mind when I think of New York City...WHAT - A - CESSPOOL." Ducks a clothesline, T-bone Tazzplex, shoved sternum-first into the corner, Tazzmission, oh it's over. (0:13 - hmm)
Regal and Tajiri are WALKING! Tajiri is carrying a Stanley Cup-esque King of the Ring trophy - which is apparently pretty heavy. What, no crown, cape and scepter combo? A TROPHY? What is this, FREAKIN' JAPAN?
Not to mention DAMN these ad breaks are occurring pretty close together - there better be some fifteen minute matches coming later tonight...
Tough Enough spot
Tickets are STILL available for SummerSlam at the Compaq Center! Call Ticketmaster NOW!
Foley Chef Boyardee #2
While Angle enjoys a carrot...Austin scowls. "Are you guys enjoying the vegetables?" "Very much, thank you." Austin gets up and motions Vince over with his head. Debra joins them. "Can we get rid of this guy?" "Kurt?" "Yeah, Kurt. Who do you think I'm talkin' about...(mumbles something), I thought it was just gonna be you me and Debra hangin' out." "Yeah, but Steve....the King of the Ring coronation is coming up next. I think if he's not with somebody, he could be traumatized." "Hey Steve, you want a carrot? Eh, they are kinda tough. You know, speaking of tough, we have a lot in common. You're tough, I'm tough...you're a former King of the Ring champion, I'm a former King of the Ring champion! Heh! You're the WWF Champion, I'm a former WWF Champion! You know...it's almost like...we could be related! Isn't that incredible! I'll tell you. Heh heh." Austin: "Heh heh." Angle tries the celery.
COMMISSIONER REGAL leads out TAJIRI, still hoisting the King of the Ring Cup - the ring has the red carpeting out for the big ceremony. "Hullo to all my friends in New York City! Now, there is a lot of things
that are lacking in this country - civility, politeness, the washing of
one's hands when one uses the lavatory...["ass hole!"] ...how nice. But
the thing that is lacking the most is royalty - that is why it is my
honour to award the 2001 King of the Ring winner - ladies and gentlemen,
may I introduce to you KING
EDGE!" Edge, as you might expect, is
accompanied by CHRISTIAN. "Congratulations,
Edge. Now, while your victory
will be forever tainted because of the inconscionable interference of that
miserable Shane McMahon, you are still the 2001 King of the Ring winner,
and I congratulate you. So, as you chaps say, it is time to 'wreck of
awesomeness,' and let's give a very special five second pose to the common
folk." They pose while Tajiri does the robot. Christian relieves Edge of
the trophy while he receives the mic from Regal - then Christian takes
THAT as well. "Thank you, Commissioner - and I just wanna start off by
saying what an honour it is to be standing here with my brother Edge - the
2001 King of the Ring. But you know, my only regret is that chumpstain
Shane McMahon also interfered in MY match and cost me the chance to face
Edge in the finals, *despite* the fact that I overcame huge odds by
beating both Kane and the Big Show, who combined, weigh more than a
thousand pounds. Anyways, I just wanted to say I'm proud of you, and
congratulatations are TOTALLY. "Thanks - thanks, Christian.
Commissioner, Tajiri, good citizens of the Big Apple, I welcome you to a
new era - an era of awesomeness!" Christian proudly holds the trophy
high. "And you know..." THA 1 BILLY
GUNN makes an unlikely interruption
at this point. "Well, well, well, King Edge, huh? Congratulations, your
majesty - welcome to the King of the Ring winners' club. When I won the
1999 King of the Ring, I was really looking forward to defending my crown
the next year, but unfortunately I had a shoulder injury. Then I wanted
to defend it this year and wasn't even entered in the damn tournament!
Then I had the indignity of sitting at WWF New York with a bunch of loud,
obnoxious New York City morons. But no no, the topper, the worst of it
all, not just sitting through the restaurant was to watch a talentless
joke like you actually WIN the damn thing! But congratulations, Edge - I
really....really mean it." "Ass hole!" "Wow, Billy - you sound like a
human vaccuum cleaner - managing to both suck and blow at the same time!
And Billy, since you're not really doing anything late, I was wondering if
you could do me a favour - if in two years' time at the King of the Ring
I'm not defending a title, or even in a match, and my very special
assignment is to go to WWF New York and eat a meatball sandwich, then
please - just shoot me in the head! 1999 is SO two years ago, and it's
not my fault if you've done a big pile of nothing since then! That
doesn't give you the right to come out and rain on MY parade - and
Commissioner, I vow to you that I will not 'Billy Gunn' this King of the
Ring title, because Billy...I plan on being entertaining." OUCH! "Yeah,
you wanta be real entertaining? How 'bout if I kick your royal ass right
here tonight?" "Sounds good, Commissioner?" "I suppose it'd be all
right, yes." "Great. Then I hereby decree that the first act in the Era
of Awesomeness will be to totally annihilate Billy B(Beep)chcakes." Ross
repeats "Bitchcakes" and doesn't get bleeped - Heyman repeats it and does
- ANTI-SEMITISM AT ITS WORST
NEXT: the tag team titles are on the line!
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz - from King of the Ring last night, the Dudleyz retain the tag titles with 3D on Spike - what'll happen when Kane's partner is Undertaker? We're one ad break away from finding out!
GARDEN CLASSICS: 1981 - the Patterson/Slaughter Boot Camp match is the stuff of legends - at least, that's what I read on wwf.com a few weeks ago - SO much blood that they have to show this clip in black and white
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: KANE and TAKER (with the missus - and the RAW credits, transmitido en espanol SAP, TV-14-DLV and CC boxes) v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYS - Q: How can you tell the Dudz are heelz? A: Bubba Ray isn't wearing the title around his neck. Hey, you don't think... they wouldn't put Sara throught a table TONIGHT, would they? Dudleyz rush the ring and we're on - Pier Four Brawl - D-Von is tossed - Bubba Ray is punched out. Kane and Taker follow and the action quickly spills to the outside, despite referee "Blind" Mike Chioda's best intentions. Bubba Ray meets the commentary table while D-Von eats an uppercut from Kane. Taker puts Bubba Ray back in the ring, and follows - Bubba Ray fires back - right, right, left, right, tomahawk chop, into the opposite corner, but Taker gets the boot up - off the ropes, ducks a Dudley clothesline, BIG flying clothesline lands. Arm wringer - kick in the gut, climbing up in the corner - he doesn't say it, but the crowd does - Old School.
Dudley tries a gutshot - back elbow from the Taker. Soupbone. In the
corner, soupbone. D-Von manages a blind tag - whip is reversed, D-Von
sneaks up from behind and they Dudleyz hit a double neckbreaker - for
2. Right by D-Von, right, into the ropes, reversed, soupbone puts him
down. Off the ropes with a legdrop. Tag to Kane. Open shot. Head to
the buckle. Right, kick, right, right, kick, back elbow. Right
hand. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes with a big elbowdrop...that
misses. Dudley with a right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed by
Kane, head down and Dudley kicks. Off the ropes but Kane throws up an
elbow. Head to the buckle. Into the opposite corner, follow clothesline
- free shot for Bubba Ray on the apron - sidewalk slam for D-Von. Kane
out, Kane up...Kane down with the flying clothesline. Cover, leg is
hooked, Bubba Ray saves at 2. Taker is in - ten quick soupbones...a
lariat...and a second lariat when he fails to go over the top rope to the
floor. Kane punching on D-Von at will. Into the ropes, boot to the gut
doubles him over. Big powerbomb. 1, 2, well we're busy watching
YAAAAAAAALBERT run to the ring - apparently, Bubba Ray pulled Chioda out
of the ring but we didn't see it. There's Yet Another Baldobomb for Kane
- D-Von is put on top. Chioda is busy being unconscious (huh?), but
manages to get back in there to count the
fall. (4:52) Making
it even MORE believable that he would stay down for so long, Kane almost
immediately hits a Zombie Situp and rolls out after Albert. Taker is back
in the ring watching - Bubba Ray up from behind with a forearm, and
another - into the ropes, Taker ducks the clothesline, goozles Bubba Ray,
and gives him the chokeslam. BONG ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' Sara
joins her husband in the ring. Here's a replay of Taker popping Chioda
just before Albert gives Kane the Baldobomb - and here's a replay of the
chokeslam. Taker and Sara head up the ramp - stopping at the top to
assume the "Power to the People" position - BUT WAIT! It's
PAGE! CHAIR in the back! AND to the
noodle! Sara shoves Page before he
can swing again. Page thinks he LIKES it. She assumes the self defense
stance - swing and a miss - Page catches the second swing and grabs her by
the hair - pulling a shock out, smelling it and running off as Taker comes
to, and comes to his wife's aid. They're playing Page's
music? Erp. Let's go to a break.
Moments Ago, one paragraph ago...but it's a different camera, at least
During the Break, Taker checked on his wife
To Regal we go. "Bloody DDP!" Regal says that this WCW nonsense has gone on long enough, you know. "Wasn't there a rumour going around last night that if Chris Jericho or Chris Benoit won the title last night, they were going to defect to WCW? Well Benoit's out of action, but that bloody Jericho..." Regal thinks some punishment is in order, but he's done so much to Jericho already. "Should I put him in a handicap against APA?" Tajiri suggests himself. "Tajiri-Jericho. Okay?" Regal makes the match - Tajiri is overcome with joy, and Regal struggles to calm him down.
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: MATT HARDY (with Lita) v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - it's the night of a million title matches (and Tazz squashes) here tonight! Don't you tell ME they're not trying to boost those first-hour ratings! Show seems proud of his shirt - he notes (or imagines) the incredible response to it from the crowd. (The BACK of the shirt, by the way, says BIG ALL OVER.) Parting the ropes for Trish, Show makes the "I want da belt" hand motion and models his shirt one more time...then parts the ropes again for Stratus. All right, here we go. Hardy tries to evade the lockup, but Show just shoves him down. Knee in the corner, another knee, hard into the opposite corner. Hardy makes like rag doll - but avoids the elbow in the corner. Hardy climbs up top, straddles the arm and jumps to the mat. Working the arm (to prevent the chokeslam?) right, right, right, arm wringer but Show shoves him out of the ring and into the barrier. Going for the clothesline on the post, Show misses and hits his own arm. Hardy takes Show's arm to the STEEL steps but Show shoves him into hard into the barricade.
Got him up - and letting him fall across the barrier.
Show makes a head vice out of his hands and the STEEL steps - "I'll pop
your head like a grape, boy!" - back in the ring we go - gutshot by Hardy
is absorbed - well, it's a big headbutt. Into the ropes, well it's a big
big boot. Show gives the international sign of the missed elbowdrop - and
promptly misses an elbowdrop. Trish on the apron - and KISSING Matt?
Matt turns back into a clothesline. Meanwhile, Lita has made her way over
to the apron and pulled Stratus back to the floor - and relieving her of
her top in the process. Lita punching away...now on the apron and waiting
for her to get up - but Show brings her in, instead. Hardy from behind
before he can do anything to her - Show turns round and puts HIM in the
goozle - oh no, Lita kicked him right in the Big Show! (DQ 3:12) Lita just
CHEATED TO LOSE! You know, the only way - the ONLY way this can POSSIBLY
be resolved...is with an intergender match.
To WWF New York we go, where...wait, this isn't Perry & Terri, it's SHANE O MAC. Listening to Shane's music, do you get the impression like I do, that Shane REALLY wanted to be Ted DiBiase when he was growing up? "Surprise! Well obviously, I'm not Perry or Terri...and Dad, I know you can here me...it's your son Shane, how ya doin'?" "Shane O Mac" chant. "You know, the one that owns WCW? The very organisation that I understand has you a little heated under the collar because WCW continues to infiltrate your WWF. You see, Dad, that is done out of necessity, because in order to build a brand like WCW, WCW needs television exposure - and Dad, I gotta give you credit on this - I didn't think it was possible... through all of your connections, through everything that you have, through all of your money you have been able to block WCW from airing on ANY television network period. Dad, I guess you just don't like competition, so you have to understand one thing, I *am* your competition. I'm cut from the same cloth that you are, so here's how it's gonna go down. I can't compete with your checkbook, but I can compete with your brains, so hear me out. Since you have prevented WCW from airing on any television network period, guess what? It's now time for WCW to invade the WWF. And that heartfelt piece that you ran about MY grandfather earlier? Just remember, my grandfather's smiling, he's in the rafters of Madison Square Garden smiling down, and why is he smiling? Because I'm gonna do to you what you did to YOUR father, Dad - I'm gonna put you out of business. And the man to lead the charge - I believe yourself and Stone Cold Steve Austin especially knows this man. They were acquainted last night at King of the Ring Ladies and gentlemen, the WCW Champion, give it up for BOOKA T!" Hey, they actually sprung for the license and PLAY his semi-public domain music to bring him out. Big "Booker T" chant from WWF New York. "Whoa. You hear that? Hey Austin - I hear you like to hunt. Well how do you feel, being the hunted? See, last night at King of the Ring, it was just too easy - no, it was just too damned easy to take you clean outta the game. And you call yourself Stone Cold - Steve Austin, the WWF Champion? I respect that. But axe me what *I* call you. I'm calling you out, because I'm Booker T, the WCW Champion. And to let you know, if you want some, you can come and get some, 'cause I'm gon' be right here, WWF New York, kickin' it ALL NIGHT LONG."
Let's get the reaction from Vince's dressing room. Austin: "Who the hell does that son of a bitch think he is, calling out Stone Cold Steve Austin? I'm the World Wrestling Federation champion, I do not deserve that. That sumbitch was here I'd be whippin' his ASS." "But you know what? He's in my restaurant. He's at WWF New York, that's just a couple blocks from here. So why don't YOU go over to WWF New York and KICK Booker T's ass." "What? He's not here at the Garden, Vince." "I know, but at the same time - Debra?" "You know, you gotta go - after all, you're Stone Cold Steve Austin." Austin clenches his teeth: "I know who I am, Debra. She's right - let's go kick his ass." "Well...let's, you want me to come with you?" "YEAH let's go - we're in this together." "I'd be happy to go with you, but...what..." they look back to Angle. "Yeah, yeah - well WHAT ABOUT YOU Mr. Concussion?" "What? Go where?" "We're gonna go down to New York and kick Booker T's ass! We're so tough, we got all these things in common - huh? You wanna prove you're a tough guy, let's go!" "Yeah! All right! Let's go!" Vince stays back. Debra tries to go with, but Austin tells her to stay here - "it's a man's job!" Vince tells Debra. "That's gonna be good..."
Yep, it's still the New York skyline - you know it's live since the MSG clock sez "10:28"
Backstage we go...Hardcore Holly and Al Snow sneak in one more subtle (ha) "Tough Enough" plug on their way to a surprise gathering at the APA Offices. I spy Essa Rios, Haku (nice SHIRT), Dean Malenko, Bull Buchanan, Goodfather, Raven, Crash, Steve Blackman, Kai En Tai and K-Kwik...and the Acolytes. Faarooq: "Hey, guys, guys - listen up. WCW. Now here's a company that when you came knocking that wouldn't answer the door for you. Here's a company that wouldn't return your phone calls. Here's a company that said YOU wasn't talented enough to work for them. Then all of a sudden, when the well runs dry and they got to pay for those million and a half dollar homes, and those brand new BMW's, those brand new Mercedes, they come runnin' their asses here for us to save it. But guess what - this is the WWF - we all helped build this house - now all of a sudden they want a piece of the pie? Hell no." All: "HELL NO!" Bradshaw: "WCW wants to walk into OUR house - a house we built? A house you all built? You guys are on the World Wrestling Federation roster - it took some of you years to get here, but you're here now, and that means you're the best in the world at what you do - and now these guys from WCW, because they couldn't make it on their own, wanna come ride piggyback off of us, 'cause we're the only show in town? Well let's make this perfectly clear - Diamond Dallas Page, Booker T, Mike Awesome, everybody from WCW, you can go straight to hell! We'll meet your ass there, and we'll kick it there too! Whatever you've thought about us in the past, whatever you think about us now doesn't really matter. We've stood alone before. What I'm asking you is this: we're asking you to show why you're on this roster. We're asking you to stand up for what YOU have built. There's gonna be a fight - I know there's gonna be a fight, because WE'RE gonna start it! There's gonna be some beer gettin' drunk, there's gonna be some asses gettin' kicked, but most of all, it's time we got medieval on somebody's ass!"
Billy Gunn is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Christian and Edge are WALKING! Christian carries the trophy - and switches arms (away from Edge) when he tries to touch it
GARDEN CLASSICS: From 1983, Jimmy Snuka dives from the cage onto Don Muraco while Mick Foley watches
KING EDGE (with Christian & this portion of RAW is WAR proudly presented by PlayStation! - just ignore the Stacker 2 graphic) v. THA 1 BILLY GUNN - Lockup, Gunn shoves him to the corner - referee "Blind" Teddy Long wants a clean break but won't get it - Gunn with a kick, right, right, right, right, right, kick, into the opposite corner, Edge sidesteps the charge - Edge right, right, into the ropes is reversed, head down, Edge whips him back to the mat, Viscera kick and Gunn decides to go outside for a breather. Edge goes out to meet him, landing a baseball slide dropkick. Forearm to the back, again, head to the barricade, and rolled back in. Edge climbs the corner - missile dropkick finds the mark - 1, 2, Gunn kicks out. Stomp by Edge. Off the ropes - but Gunn manages a big spinebuster. I wonder why Perry & Terri didn't do anything to Booker T - say hi, anything. Gunn back in control - Double sledge, right, right, right, right, right. Gunn tosses Edge through the ropes...and follows. Head to the STEEL steps. Right hand. Another right. Right, choke. Back in and got him by the hair - kick to the head. Stomp. Kneedrop on the neck. Blatant choke. Choke on the middle rope for 3. Coming up: Tajiri/Jericho! Gutshot by Edge, again, right by Gunn. Right, right, right, standing on the neck. Most over man in this match, judging from the crowd's chant, is some guy named "Hogan." Gunn looks Christian's way - Christian proudly displays the trophy. Looks like Edge got a clothesline when he turned back - both men are down. Long puts on the count - and gets to five before they both rise. PlayStation Double Feature shows us that Edge actually hit his spear. Edge with a clothesline, another, into the ropes, flapjack. Into the ropes, reversed, Edge ducks the punch, Gunn catches the kick, Edge lands an enzuigiri. 1, 2, nope. "Ho gan!" Into the ropes, reversed, Edge up and over, pushing Gunn forward to the ropes where Christian is waiting - but his swing misses the ducking Gunn and hits Edge instead! Edge falls back into a schoolboy - 1, 2, NO! PlayStation Double Feature of that. Gunn with the jackhammer. 1, 2, Edge kicks out again! 1, 2, no. Right, right, right, this match could very well go on forever. Off the ropes with a kneedrop - 1, 2, no. Gunn puts Edge into the corner. And back to the other corner. Gunn with an avalanche in the corner, then shoving Edge facefirst to the mat. Gunn signalling for....wow, it's been SO long I had to think about what the heck he could have been signalling for (the Fame-Ass'er) - But before Edge gets up, Christian hits the ring, hits his perpendicular backbreaker, which stuns him long enough for Edge to get up, hit his implant DDT (Ross: "DDP!") and get the pin. (San Diego 6:19) Christian hands the trophy to his brother - then quickly takes it back to walk up the ramp
Vince and Debra share a moment in the dressing room - Debra's phone rings - it's Steve, and he's stuck in traffic. She hands the phone to Vince. "Steve. Calm down...no, it's New York City, a lotta times there's a lotta traffic, just calm down......I *know* Angle's a dork, okay? But he's a dangerous dork, and he's our dork...and... he's your backup dork for the night. Calm down. You'll get there, traffic'll clear up, okay? Just take it easy. All right. She's right here with me. All right, talk to you later."
They try again to get that PlayStation graphic up - and
GARDEN CLASSICS: from 1985 - it all kicked off with the first WrestleMania - gee, I wonder if they'll show WWF Champion SID tonight
(yoshihiro) TAJIRI (with Commissioner Regal - and new music - and wwf.com logo) v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - "Y2J" chant prevents Jericho from starting his speech. "It sounds like MSG is jam-packed full of Jerichoholics tonight!" Tajiri plugs his ears and sticks out his tongue - ha! "Well even though the WWF title is still just barely around the oh-so-huggable waist of Stone Cold Steve Assclown, Y2J's quest to become the WWF Champion has not, nor will ever...EVER be over. And since I've got so much pent up aggression towards old Stevarino, tonight, Tajunior, I'm gonna have to take it all out on you." Tajiri meets Jericho's rush with a kick, but Jericho ducks. Right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, clothesline, gutshot, shoulder into the ringpost..and again. Snap suplex. WWF Live crawl. Benoit, by the way, gets neck surgery this week - he could be out three months...or six. Jericho with another snap suplex. Jericho pulls him up - and delivers a THIRD snap suplex - 1, 2, no. Knife-edge chop - into the ropes, Tajiri ducks - there's a KICK to the ribs - sunset flip and Jericho rolls through - looking for the Walls of Jericho - he's got it, but he releases it when Regal climbs up onto the apron. That's a mistake - Jericho turns back to take a KICK to the head. Head to the buckle by Tajiri - gunshot chop, slap, Jericho reverses, chop, chop, into the opposite corner, but Tajiri puts up a KICK as Jericho comes in. There's a Viscera kick for 2. Tajiri with the Octopus - and the crowd with an "ECW" chant. Jericho tries to power out - Tajiri drops down with a schoolboy for 2. Jericho ducks a clothesline, chop, chop, kick, into the opposite corner, Tajiri up and onto the apron - meeting Jericho as he runs in with a KICK - climbing up to the top buckle, screeching and hitting a BIG missile dropkick to the back of the head - 1, 2, NO!! Into the ropes, head down, kick by Jericho, cartwheel kick puts Tajiri down. Hey, look, these guys are main eventing! Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner puts on the count but both men are up. Jericho with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, into the ropes, shoulderblock, off the ropes with a lariat, leg is hooked, 1, 2, NO! Chop. Into the corner, again Tajiri springs up and over onto the apron - THIS time Jericho comes in and hits a springboard dropkick instead! Tajiri hits the floor...here comes Jericho - but that baseball slide nails REGAL! Jericho puts Tajiri back in - whip attempt is reversed, Tajiri ducks a clothesline, up to try a 'rana but Jericho powerbombs him instead - make prepare for trouble, make it a DOUBLE powerbomb! 1, 2, Regal pulls Hebner out and hits the ring - boot to the head and seven quick lefts - Regal pulls Jericho up and holds him while Tajiri makes a hand motion to his throat...that may look familiar - yep, it's the dreaded GREEN MIST! Unfortunately for them, Jericho ducks it and Regal takes a full-on faceful. Jericho takes advantage of the surprised Tajiri with the bulldog, the Lionsault, the hooked leg, and the 1, 2, 3. (5:11) Why yes, Regal's faces ARE twice as funny when they're covered in green mist. Jericho holds his jaw - geez, HE didn't just get hurt, did he? Tajiri falls over himself to appear contrite, and tries to wipe off the mist - but doesn't meet with much success...
To Vince and Debra we go, Vince on the phone again. "Right...it's brilliant! Brilliant idea - stay right there, you and Kurt stay right in the car, okay? I'll go to the ring, all right. All right, stay right there and when you get the signal, that's when you move. This is brilliant, Steve. No. I know. Stop with Kurt, willya? Okay? He's there to help ya. Good. All right. No, she's fine - she's right here with me. All right - that's the signal, right. Bye. This is gonna be good, okay? I gotta go to the ring - you're gonna enjoy this. All right - be right back."
Wow, an ad break at five to eleven - they are MILKING this thing. The thing is, this probably IS that one time they can be sure that people *will* hang on through a break...
Tough Enough ad #2
Just as we opened the show, we close it with
the ring. "Well I admit that I don't know that Madison Square Garden will
ever be the same again after tonight. Things have happened here tonight
that I thought I'd never see. This hallowed ground has been soiled.
However, there's an expression: all's well that ends well. By God,
tonight it's gonna end well here in Madison Square Garden. You see, Stone
Cold's come up with a plan. Stone Cold is gonna kick Booker T's butt, and
Shane McMahon is gonna get more where that came from from Kurt Angle.
You see, Stone Cold and Kurt are parked right out there, right outside of
WWF New York...and now is the time for all of us to enjoy what's gonna
happen at WWF New York, so Stone Cold, if you can hear me, Kurt, come on -
let's get this plan underway. There we go."
And here they go, out of the limo, inside, down the stairs, through the crowd...and to a stagehand, who reveals that they'd left a while ago. Man, what happened to ALL NIGHT LONG? That filthy liar! "You see, I knew it. Booker T you wanna call out Stone Cold Steve Austin, and where are ya? You call yourself - shut up - you wanna call yourself the WCW Champion - my name is Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I came down here to whip your ass, and you ain't here. He said he wanted to axe me a question - an axe is something that you chop a tree down with. Booker T if you wanna ask anybody, they'll tell ya Stone Cold Steve Austin is the man. Is Stone Cold Steve Austin the man? That's right! Booker T, you're not gonna come to my backyard and trash the good name of Stone Cold Steve Austin and the World Wrestling Federation. The next time I see your sorry ass, ya little chump change bastard, Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna whip your sucka ass, and that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so." All Angle can do is display his gold medal on his way to following Steve out.
Back to Vince. "Well don't be surprised - I'm not surprised, because after all that just proves the dominant brand of sports entertainment is definitely..." "Brand New Money" starts playing - and SHANE O MAC walks out, complete with EntertainmentTron video...and "WCW" spotlights on the ramp. By the way, that WCW logo SUCKS. Shane stands at ringside - Vince's eyes are locked on Shane, which can only mean that it'll happen from behind - sure enough, NAPPY T is in the ring. Shane asks Vince to look behind him, and when he does, he doesn't wait, getting in the first shot on T! T takes it - right hand back! Right! Right! DOWN GOES VINCE! T picks up Vince - gutshot - Vince doesn't know where/how to stand, but T will find a way to hit that AXE KICK anyway. And breakdancing back up! Play his music! The WWF LOCKER ROOM empties into the ring...but T is long gone. War Zone credits, WWF logo, see ya later for MSG's SmackDown!