TONIGHT: A huge main event - Taker & Kane vs. Page & Rhyno! Oh man, it starts already - "when we last saw WWF Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin, he was leaving SmackDown! dejectedly. Will the OLD Stone Cold (1) return tonight to RAW to lead Team WWF into inVasion? We'll find out LIVE tonight!"

Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! Vince needs the OLD Stone Cold! (2, 3) Go read the SmackDown! report

Brent Musburger - sorry, Jim Ross narrating: "You are looking LIVE at the Friendly Tap - a tavern just fifteen minutes from where we are here now in Providence, Rhode Island - and inside the Friendly Tap... there you see him, the World Wrestling Federation champion Stone Cold Steve Austin - and what must he be thinking? And will he be here tonight to lead Team WWF into inVasion? What must be going through the mind...of the Texas Rattlesnake?" Looks like BEER to me, Ross...

Opening Credits

PYRO HERE, PYRO HERE - coming to you LIVE from the Providence Civic Center in Providence, RI 16.7.1 and transmidito en espanol SAP on TNN and TSN, THIS is WWF RAW is WAR! inVasion is six days away, but it might as well have already started with the interpromotional matches we've got tonight...

TONIGHT: Tazz takes on William Regal!

TONIGHT: Undertaker & Kane take on Rhyno & DDP!

WOW! There are PEOPLE! In WWF NEW YORK!

We open up the "entrances" portion of the show with...SPIKE DAMN DUDLEY? He sports the popular "Shane/Vince" inVasion T-shirt - I wonder if they're still selling them given that this angle is all about Paul and Stephanie now....well, maybe I'm overstating things...STILL, you have to scratch your head and ponder the short-term-thinking-ed-ness of it all when you look at that T-shirt and think back to that poster...yep. Oh listen to me natter. It's SPIKE'S time! "Sorry, folks - I don't want to take up too much of your time. I know that inVasion is first and foremost on everybody's minds, but - to be honest I've got something that's been building up inside of me for a while now, and I've got to get it off my chest, so uh - Molly, would you come down here, please, I have something I'd like to tell you." Hit her music! MOLLY HOLLY be out. "Now Molly...you've heard me say I like you - and you've heard me say that I really, really like you. Now I know I'm a Dudley...and not a Partridge..but Mar - Molly - I think I love you." Smiles. "Spike...I think I love you too." Awwwwwwwww. "Well...I've got something for ya - this is for you." It's a rose. "Well Spike - I have something that I'd like to give you, too." "You do?" "What is it?" "Well...I can't give it to you here - it's..." and she whispers something to him. Spike drops his mic. "Ladies and gentlemen - thank you, good night." SPIKE'S GONNA GET SOMETHING ELSE OFF HIS CHEST, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN HUH HUH HUH... Anyway, "This is Extreme" starts playing - IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL is out. "Get him a chair, the man has a broken leg - excuse me a moment, gimme a chair. Sit down, I wanna talk to you. Sit down, I'd like to talk to you. Hello, my brother? Have a seat. Hello Molly." Crowd: "YOU SUCK!" Spike gives the chair to Molly. "You don't mind if I bring the *camcorder* - I mean, listen, listen listen." I think that just sailed over EVERYBODY. "Seriously...I just wanna let you know that before this gets out of hand - before anybody else gives you bad advice, I wanna let you know that you came to me five years ago in a business that didn't HAVE guys that were 5'5", 155 pounds. And I took you in like a little brother - and I listened to Bubba Ray and D-Von and I gave you a job, because they loved you, and I love you, and I spoke to Bubba and D-Von tonight and they wanted to let you know that on behalf of everybody in ECW and WCW, it's time for you to come home, Spike. It's time for you to come back to ECW! So what I want you to do is I want you to go to the penthouse suite and take care of your business with Molly, and in the morning kiss her goodbye, and I'll see you at the ECW offices bright and early tomorrow morning." "Paul...Paul, you know me and you know how grateful I am to you for everything you've done for me..." "So let's go!" "...I've made my decision, I'm staying with Molly." Cheers. "Oh, that's okay - that's okay because...Molly, there's a place in ECW for you, too! There really is. We need a gorgeous blonde like Molly! And all it will take is...uh...like a little bit of liposuction, a whole lot of breast enhanchement, and--" Molly is ready to deck him but Spike holds her back. "Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa, Molly, Molly, I'll take care of this man - man, who the hell do you think you are? What do you think you're - what are you doing talking about my girlfriend like that?" "What the hell is a one-legged man gonna do to the BOSS of ECW?" "I'll TELL you what I'm gonna do - I'm gonna KICK YOUR ASS!" But before he does, the same music we heard for Spike fires up again as THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ hit the ring. Wait a minute...did Paul just call himself the BOSS? "Last time that we saw you - or should I say, didn't see you - you cracked that crutch over my back and cost us the WWF tag team titles! It's a real shame that you're not comin' back home to ECW with us. Now that you're staying here in the World Wrestling Federation (pause for pop), who's gonna steal all of me 'n' D-Von's SPOTLIGHT? We're sick and ti'ad of gettin' in this ring night after night, putting OUR bodies on the line, going through the pain, the agony, getting OUR asses kicked - and what do people wanna talk about? What's the big question on the world's minds? HOW'S SPIKE AND MOLLY." "You know something, Bubba - if the people wanna talk about Spike and Molly, then maybe we should give them something to REALLY talk about." And they punk him out - Paul fends off Molly as Spike gets tied in the ropes for the doubleteam - Bubba whacks Spike in the cast with the crutch as D-Von finds some furniture. Molly finally manages to figure out that Paul's in prime position for an uppercut in the nuts - Molly grabs the chair and gives Bubba Ray a WHACK in the back - but D-Von catches the chair before she can get HIM head on - D-Von grabs Molly as Bubba Ray takes the crutch to the cast one more time. Bubba Ray sets up the table... "This is for you!" D-Von hands over Molly - second rope - SUPERBOMB through the table! They hit the Dudleyz music as Spike, STILL tied in the ropes, emotes. The REFS come out too late - Bubba Ray takes a poke at the EMT's, too, who already have the back board ready. Here's your replay - first of the bomb, then of Spike reacting to the bomb.

Well, they DID manage to make it through that entire opening bit without saying Austin's name - think that streak will continue? (Hint: would I be counting if *I* thought so?)

When we come back, it's Kurt Angle pacing about! "Let's see, let's see... 'sir, I'm ready to be your leader.' Nah, that ain't gonna work. Uh...here we go, here we go. 'Mr. McMahon - I humbly accept your offer as leader for Team WWF.' Nah...oh oh, 'I'm goin' for the gold again - for leadership.' Eh...let's see." "Kurt!" "Oh, Mr. McMahon." "What are you doing in my office?" "I'm waiting for you!" "Waiting for me for what - where's Stone Cold?" "Not only is Stone Cold not here, but he's at some local bar drinkin' - DRINKIN', mind you!" "Here's here in Rhode Island?" "Yeah, he's in Rhode Island, but don't you worry about that, because I'm here to lead Team WWF into inVasion." "Thank you very much, what's the name of the bar?" "I don't know - some bar called the...the Friendly Lap or something, I don't... so what? I mean, I don't know what he's doing, he should be here." "The Friendly TAP, that's the name of it." "Yeah, something like that." "Okay, thank you very much, I appreciate it. I'll be back in a few minutes." "But...but..." "I gotta go find Stone Cold."

ACOLYTE FAAROOQ (with Acolyte Bradshaw) (with "INVASION THIS SUNDAY" graphic) v. CHUCK PALUMBO (with Sean O'Haire - or is it "O'Hara," Lilian?) - Palumbo rushes the ring before intros are complete, and we're off - Faarooq gets the early advantage, but Palumbo pokes the eyes. Right, right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow. Right hand puts him down. Discus right. Right puts Faarooq down AGAIN. Palumbo with the half hour arm wringer - so Faarooq flattens him with a clothesline. Right by Faarooq, right, right, (to the crowd) "ain't no damn inVasion happenin' tonight!" Right, right, into the ropes, nice powerslam. 1, 2, no. Palumbo surprises Faarooq with a dropkick after Faarooq takes too long following up. Write it down, friends: the tag team champions meet in a nontitle bout at inVasion! Faarooq goes outside - Palumbo with a baseball slide out to meet him. Right hand. Faarooq back in. Climbing up...Palumbo with a huge super shoulderblock! 1, 2, NO! Right hand, into the sleeper (4)...Faarooq manages to counter with a death suplex. O'Haire up on the apron - Bradshaw over to meet him - into the STEEL steps. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long goes outside to attempt to separate THOSE two, while inside the ring it's Faarooq with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," into the ropes for a clothesline, Palumbo reverses a whip but Faarooq lands a shoulderblock. Into the ropes, head down - Palumbo with a DDT. Leg is hooked - 2. Right hand by Palumbo - off the ropes - but Faarooq hits a spinebuster. Faarooq with another show for O'Haire, who was on the apron again...but he probably shouldn't have taken his eyes off his opponent...turning back into THE JUNGLE KICK! Palumbo shoots the half - 1, 2, 3! (2:51) O'Haire and Palumbo quickly run off...then pose on the ramp.

Kurt Angle has found someone to complain to - Steve Lombardi. "I don't believe this. I mean, what do I have to do to prove to Mr. McMahon that *I* should be the leader of this team? I don't get it, Bomber." "It's Brawler, Kurt." "Whatever. I mean, I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist. Hello? What more do you need? I mean, doesn't Vince think that I'm Tough Enough? Just because I'm not the 'Stone Cold of old' (5) - well I can be extreme! I drank milk a day after it expired - THAT'S extreme!" KURT ANGLE STEALS CHRIS JERICHO'S GIMMICK: FILM AT ELEVEN Anyway, Raven happens by and shoves Lombardi out of the segment. "I can't believe you have the AUDACITY to claim that anything you've ever done even REMOTELY resembles something extreme!" "Huh?" "You know, Kurt - seeing you in that ridiculous children's cowboy hat and strumming that guitar reminds me of ALL the reasons I left the WWF in the first place." "Well believe me, you're not missed!" "As the shadows of darkness fall upon the paths of despair, they leave a path of darkness in their wake, Kurt." Angle nods...then gets confused, and says "What the hell are you talking about?" "I'm challenging you to a match, Kurt." "Oh, YOU'RE challenging ME." "Oh yeah." "I'll take you on in any match you want, buddy." "Fine. ECW rules, then." Raven walks off. "Fine. By the way, the ECW doesn't rule - the *WWF* rules, PAL. How do you like THAT?"

Tough Enough ad - somebody's GONNA - HE'S GONNA - HE'S - HE'S GONNA - HE'S! GONNA! PEEEEYUUUUUUUUKE!

Criminy! Who thought it was a good idea for the GIRL SCOUTS to advertise during this show?!?

The WWF Boot of the Week (brought to you by Lugz!) is Edge and Christian's Conchairto on Mike Awesome, leading to a hardcore title change. I wonder what this does to that hardcore title shot Rhyno won against Test...oh wait, that was a whole TWO WEEKS ago. We probably shouldn't be expected to REMEMBER that far back

AWESOME MIKE AWESOME (with Lance Storm - and Lance Storm's music) v. KING EDGE (with Christian) - Point: "If I can be serious for a minute....I am out here tonight to issue a challenge. At inVasion, Mike Awesome and I want to two guys that epitomize everything that is wrong with this business...Edge...and Christian. These guys think that five second poses, cheesy sunglasses and offbeat shenanigans is what this business is all--" "You think you know me..."

Backstage, it's Stephanie and Booker T. "Booker, my brother and I are just SO incredibly proud to have you as the WCW Champion - and the US Champ!" "Thank you very much, Stephanie." "Oh, you're welcome - I mean, you just - you even look like a champion, you dress like a champion, you talk like a champion." "Looks good, doesn't it." "It does, it looks good - I even noticed you have a gold tooth." "DING!" "This gold, I mean..." Stephanie stops short and gets the stinkeye as the camera pans left to reveal...Chris Jericho. "Hello, Stephanie." "Hello, Jericho." There's Wayne Knight! "Hello, Jerry." "Hello, Newman." Jericho: "I just wanted to come by and congratulate you on acquiring ECW. I guess now we know what those letters finally stand for: Every Customer Welcome." "Ah - ahaha - yeah - every customer...except you." OUCH! "Well I know you do consider yourself to be the Queen of Hardcore, but unfortunately, movies don't count." "YO! Back the hell up, man. Don't you see grown folks talkin'? You a real big man to talk to a lady like that." "That's right." "You know right now I got the mind to take you out in the middle of that WWF ring and whoopin' your WWF ass - whatchoo think about that?" "Well if you want to challenge Y2J, why don't you put that WCW championship on the line. What do you think aboot that?" Booker looks to Stephanie, who is nodding vigorously. "Mmmm hmmmm - mmm hmmmm." "You want it, you got it." "You want it?" "Yeah, you got it." "Okay, we'll see you out there. E-C-W - E-C-W - E-C-W..." Off goes Jericho. "You sure you wanna do it for the gold?" "Oh yeah. You've gotta put the titles on the line. And just like at inVasion, you're gonna kick Chris Jericho and the WWF's ass."

Corn Nuts proudly presents the Hardcore Smack of the Night! From SmackDown!, Tazz gives a beatdown to Tajiri

In his office, Regal laces up. "Tajiri, the WWF's not doing very well tonight, we're having our backsides handed to us. Now, I know you will teach that miserable, filthy specimen Tazz a lesson at inVasion, but tonight I will teach him a lesson in respect." "(lots of Japanese) Srabnaka srabnaka!" "You want to commentate in my match against Tazz tonight? Well, since you've done such a wonderful job on SmackDown!, yes, you can commentate, yes." Tajiri produces a comb and mirror and starts to freshen up.

Meanwhile, we head to the Shane/Steph/Paul powwow. "I am so excited - for Booker T. to RIP OFF Chris Jericho's head tonight...and again, this Sunday at inVasion!" "I love her enthusiasm, Shane - think about this, this Sunday at inVasion, an Inaugural Brawl that's our five best against their five best, and their VERY best, Stone Cold Steve Austin...ain't at his best anymore, now is he?" "Now, let's get down to our five best. We're in agreement: Booker T...DDP...the Dudley Boyz...and Rhyno..." "GORE! GORE! GORE!" "...will represent us...and this Sunday," "WCW/ECW." "...this Sunday, sports entertainment as we know it, the course of it... will be changed forever."

Meanwhile (3), Austin sips a beer. Debra and her bottle of water are deep into the background - but the first to meet Vince. "Hi, Debra!" "Oh, hi Vince." "How ya doing?" "I'm real good, thanks." "Good - good to see ya. How's he doing?" "Oh...I haven't seen him like this in a very long time." Vince approaches. "Steve, how ya doing? Good to see ya, man. Listen, if I upset you last Thursday on SmackDown!, you know, I mean - maybe I put you on the spot, okay, maybe I shouldn't have done that...but I can't impress upon you how important that that is to me, because...I need, the World Wrestling Federation needs Stone Cold, the OLD Stone Cold Steve Austin (10)..." Austin finally looks at him...then goes back to looking straight ahead. "...to lead the WWF into inVasion, this Sunday. I need you tonight. I really didn't mean to put you on the spot, but...I mean, there's nothing wrong, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with...the current Stone Cold WWF Championship but I need that old Stone Cold (11) back for inVasion. We've never been threatened like this ever, Steve. No one's ever threatened the WWF like this...WCW/ECW combination. We've never had that kinda threat, Steve! Steve? Steve, I need your help." Austin turns his back. "All right, I'm gonna go back to the arena. I hope I see you there...later tonight." Austin doesn't budge. Vince (to Debra): "Can you help me out on this?" "I'll try."

WWF Poster magazine ad - oops, the Dudley Boyz aren't "WWF Superstars" anymore, though

Here's a look at the Providence "skyline" (12)

TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by Corn Nuts, 1-800-CAL-LATT, and the JVC Giga-Tube) v. COMMISSIONER REGAL (with Tajiri) - Tajiri takes third headset, and Tazz is out of the ring to stalk him - but Regal heads him off and unleashes a series of forearms and lefts - Tajiri immediately starts doing an Akira Fukuzawa impersonation (ha, I bet you didn't think I'd pull THAT comparison out of my ass!) - into the ring and the bell rings. Kick by Tazz as Regal comes in - right, right, right, right, waistlock...Regal fights it off with elbows - off the ropes, kneelift. Regal mounts - Tajiri: "Srabnaka srabnaka - punch punch punch!" That's thirteen lefts by Regal. Left, left, left, left, left, left, left. Wow. Into the opposite corner is reversed - boot up by Regal. T-bone Tazzplex! Tajiri removes the headset and heads to the apron - looks like he's already loaded up with mist...Tazz tells him to "come on" but Tajiri holds up a hand - no no. Tajiri removes his polo shirt...to reveal an ECW T-shirt! Crowd chants "ECW" - Tazz starts to smile - Tajiri beckons to Regal - Tazz goes to Regal...and Tajiri unleashes a spinning roundhouse kick that knocks Tazz loopy! Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson calls for the bell (DQ 1:34) as Tajiri locks Tazz into the tarantula - while Regal throws left after left - this is a PUMMELIN' folks. Tajiri climbs the corner, removes his T-shirt - and gives it the GREEN MIST. Play Tajiri's music! Here's a replay of the kick, since, as the DVDVR folks say, that AAA'd it when it was live, opting to focus on Regal's facial expression instead.

In the locker room, Page catches up with Rhyno. "Tonight is gonna be a night to remember in the WWF - one they'll never forget. When we get in the ring with Undertaker and Kane, something really big's going down." "Yeah - maybe Undertaker and Kane won't even make it to inVasion." "I'll tell you what else, got a little special treat here. I want you to do me a favour, go get a few of the boys - I got the UNEDITED version of Undertaker's old lady. Got a little special screening, I call it the King of Ba-da-bing's Best of Sara." "Sweet."

NEXT: Chris Jericho takes on Booker T. for the WCW Championship!

inVasion ad

At the Friendly Tap - HEY! - it's Tim White! "Steve! Hey man, this one's on the house. You know, I know what you're going through - I closed the whole place for you tonight. All right? I'm your friend. I know you'll make the right decision." White slaps Austin on the shoulder...then thinks better of it when Austin looks his way. He backs off. Austin goes back to sippin'...

WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: NAPPY T. (with Shane O. Mac & RAW Credits & TV-14-DLV & CC) (13) v. (14) CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - Champ enters first because this is a WWF show, dammit! Question: How can you tell T is the heel? Answer: New stubble

You know what - Booker T is STILL awesome - well, to me, anyway. I know that it would be natural to say "man, if he NEVER gets a decisive victory, how will he EVER look any good?" but I understand there's a story in play here - although I really have no reason to believe it, I DO believe that there will be plenty of time down the road for Booker T. to get some clean pins. He got Angle last week and Jericho tonight, both times in moderate-length matches - really, now how can I NOT love that?

Still, you know what would have been great? That's right. Stevie Ray defending the belt in his brother's place

WWF LIVE hits Boston tomorrow, Cleveland for inVasion, RAW next week in Buffalo and Pittsburg takes Tuesday!

To the dressing room, where Perry Saturn's mop now sports...a face. "Per - it's really nice what you've done to the mop, that's great. Did you do that by yourself? Hey Per, listen to me - I don't think you should go out there with me tonight, I've got a big match with Trish, and um...I don't think you should be out there tonight, okay? ... Okay?" Here comes Paul. "Well AREN'T we the happy threesome! HI, TERRI!" "Hi." "How ya doin'?" "Good." "Hey, do you mind if I talk to Perry for just a moment or two?" "You know what?" "What." "He's all yours." "Thank you VERY much. Wow....nice boots, huh? Hey Perry! How ya doin', man? You know this whole ECW/WCW thing - if we're gonna get all the guys from ECW back together, Perry - it just ain't the same withoutchya! I mean what's a solar system without a Saturn? What's ECW without Perry Saturn? Y'know, and I'm - I'm looking at the WWF, and how can they in good conscience put you back in the ring after all the concussions that you've suffered? Now Perry, you know in ECW we CARE about the health and welfare of our performers...and Perry, we want you to be one of our performers again. So what do you say? Why don't you come back to ECW?" "Snausages!" "Snausages. Snausages. Well listen...I'll take that one back to Stephanie..and um...we'll get back to you. Thanks a lot - it's good to see you! And the mop, too! Snausages..." "You're welcome!"

CAW CAW CAW v.

Austin...shoots pool! With extremely bad sound! Set irony sensors to maximum! Ross: "I can't believe this 'I don't give a damn' attitude - Stone Cold Steve Austin...the old Stone Cold (18) that I knew would not turn his back on a fight - he started the fight - and by God he finished it - and why isn't he here?" You know, I've been thinking about it - if Austin DOESN'T do what Vince wants....well, doesn't that mean the old Stone Cold Steve Austin IS back? I mean, that's "anti-authority," right?

HARDY BOYZ v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ (with Earlier Tonight) - Hey, is it just me or are all those ECW chyrons using the "Star Trek: TOS" Credits font? (Or, if you prefer, the "Tribal Gathering '96 Mix" box set title font) D-Von and Matt start, and here we go. Kick by D-Von, right hand, right, right, right, right, right is blocked, Hardy with a right, "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" again, right, right, into the ropes, shoulderblock, kick in the gut, off the ropes with the neckbreaker - 1, 2, no. Overhand right, right, Dudley to the eyes. Whip into the ropes, but Jeff manages a blind tag in the process - Matt hooks the ropes to halt his momentum, and Jeff strikes with a right hand, Hardy in the Hooss double legdrop 'twixt the legs - Bubba Ray in - double hiptoss for him. Into the ropes, Poetry in Motion on Bubba Ray. D-Von punches Matt - whip into the corner is reversed, but before Jeff can run into a second Poetry in Motion, Bubba Ray manages a hairpull to bring him back to the mat - Matt turns to look at him and takes a clothesline in the back. D-Von stomps, stomp, right hand, head to Bubba Ray's boot - tag. Open right hand to the gut, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow. Elbowdrop. 1, 2, Jeff kicks out. Jeff sat up on top (18) - and Bubba Tree of Woes him down to the mat. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right hand untangles him down. Tag. Into the ropes - double flapjack. D-Von pulls on the top rope to accentutate his foot on the face. Jeff put into the ropes - there's the jumpin' back elbow. Tag to Bubba Ray - open shot to the ribs. Headbutt. Bubba Ray on the second rope...Matt nearing him on the apron - Bubba Ray (and referee "Blind" Mike Chioda) distracted just enough for Jeff to spring up and punch Bubba Ray in the sack. (19) Hardy climbing up top - Frankensteiner! 1, 2, shoulder up! Crowd clapping for a HOT TAG - tag to D-Von - HOT TAG to Matt! Clothesline! Clothesline! Bubba Ray back in - Matt ducks a clothesline - gutshot - DDT! Into the corner with D-Von is reversed - boot up by Matt - ahhhhhhhhhhhdrop - 1, 2, Bubba Ray breaks it up, JUST barely. Jeff runs over with a dropkick - Bubba Ray goes outside. Matt with the Twist of Fate on D-Von - Jeff with a swantonbomb - Matt covers - 1, 2, Bubba Ray pulls him outside! Matt and Bubba Ray trading punches...here comes Jeff with a pescado onto Bubba Ray! Matt with a shoulder to the gut through the ropes - sunset flip coming up - ohhhh this never works...sure enough, D-Von fights it long enough for ROB van DAM to run out and provide enough leverage for D-Von to get the pin (4:38) and I must say it takes a truly HEROIC effort for Chioda to *completely* miss his presence. Matt pops up with a right hand for D-Von, but van Dam is up to the top - missile dropkick (sorta) lands on Matt! Jeff in and stomping away -

The APA react to this from their sofa (SOFA?!? They couldn't put a monitor in their office?) Vince comes in. "Yeah, I saw it - and what are we gonna do about it?" "Where's Steve? Is Steve coming?" "I don't think he's gonna make it." "I'll be DAMNED. Whaddayou mean?" "I don't think he's gonna make it, so that means...it's just us. We need to round up the rest of the boys - we've gotta get together, have a little town meeting, because we're damn sure gonna do something about that." The APA agree - off they go. "I'm countin' on ya to get 'em together - get 'em ALL together!

Tough Enough ad #2

When we come back, it's pep talk time...for the W/ECW folks. Why does Heyman have his head down? Stephanie: "I hope that every single one of you understands how important this Sunday, that inVasion will be. Because there are no other chances for us - this is our last chance. When nobody else believed in you - when nobody else would believe in your ability, Shane and I have. We believed in you so much that we have SOLD our WWF stock. We've invested all of our money - we have nothing left but all of you. And this Sunday at inVasion, it is up to every one of you to take out the WWF forever." "Listen, this is the moment of truth, you understand that? The line in the sand has been drawn, there's no goin' back! Hey after this Sunday, there is no tomorrow. You understand that, we are on this side. The WWF will NEVER take you back - they will never take us back, you understand that? But yeah, we divested ourselves. This is it, this is the new core, this is ECW and WCW, the biggest threat that has ever fakest - that have ever faked (faced?) the WWF - you understand that? You understand that? You guys need to take 'em out. This is what needs to happen this Sunday. There is no goin' back! There IS no goin' back! You understand? There IS no goin' back!" "Do you people understand how much they fear you now? DO YOU? Do you understand how much Jeff Hardy fears Rob van Dam - how Jeff Hardy thinks he is gonna fly through the air - how Jeff Hardy thinks he's hardcore - Jeff Hardy knows nothing about hardcore like Rob van Dam - and how 'bout you, Tazz? How 'bout what Tajiri did to you tonight? When he spit on that ECW T-shirt, he might as well have spit in your face! He might as well've kicked down your door and spit in the face of your wife and your son! The only way that Tajiri survives this Sunday is if you let him, because I promise you, we all come together at inVasion, and we all witness the Inaugural Brawl, when Diamond Dallas Page, and the Dudley Boyz, and Rhyno and Booker T. take out the five best that the WWF has to offer." Shane: "Are you with us?" "YEAH!" "Are you with us?" "YEAH!" "Are you with us?" "YEAH!" "Are you with us?" "YEAH!" "Let's do this!" Great shouting ensues...

Meanwhile, the masses are assembled - the camera never pans to the whole room, probably because they weighted one side down with humanity to make the room look fuller. Vince, Undertaker, the APA and Kane enter. Kane takes a seat in the back - the other four take the front. "All right guys, listen up here for a minute, please." Faarooq: "Hey, hey. I'm sure y'all saw what happened here tonight. Look, they still don't damn get it. But you know what, tonight we're gonna show their asses that we mean business." Bradshaw: "These second-rate sons of bitches wanna ride piggyback offa us? 'cause they can't make it on their own? Then tell 'em to bring their little inVasion on, because starting tonight, we ain't takin' this (beep) no more. It's TIME we got knee-deep in somebody's ass!" Vince: "Guys, let me just say this, that - make no mistake about what's going down here tonight - make no mistake about what's gonna happen this Sunday. Because no one in this room has ever been threatened personally...like you're threatened now. None of us have ever been threatened collectively like we're threatened now. This coalition of WCW and ECW - they wanna eat each and every one of you alive. They wanna do it tonight, and they wanna finish us off on Sunday. Now I was hoping that we were gonna have someone with us tonight to lead the way, Stone Cold Steve Austin." Taker: "To HELL with all that! I've heard all of that I'm gonna hear. What it's time for is to find out who the phony tough is, and who's the crazy brave. Austin - he's made a hell of a name for himself here in the WWF. And now he don't have the heart to fight for the company that made him? I say the HELL with him! The rest of you, you need to understand this - there's no shame in goin' out and fightin' and gettin' your ass kicked. But there's no honour in not fighting at all. So who wants to fight? WHO WANTS TO FIGHT?" Hollering ensues...but Taker raises an arm for quiet as - Whoa, Steve Lombardi wheels in Fred Blassie! "Gentlemen...there comes a time when every man must fight for what he believes in!" Blassie rises up out of his chair. "You understand? Now's the time! Get up, stand up, and fight!"

Meanwhile, Austin watches all this....and we watch him. Austin hurls some pool balls, bounces one off the table, then breaks his pool cue over the table and takes off. Debra: "Steve! Where're you goin'?"

So wait - they SOLD their STOCK?

And they're still on TV?

...

Does this make YOUR head hurt, too?

Here's a look inside WWF New York - come here Wednesday for the "Lita Home Video Party" - hmm, that's probably *not* what I think it is...

TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL (with Bra & Panties tag match graphic - and PlayStation presents inVasion in six days!) v. NIPPLES - Hmm, they gave Terri the Kat's old music - that's kinda interesting. I guess, once and for all, PMS is finally dead. I'm not exactly sure why they've scheduled this match, but WOW LOOKIT TERRI'S WEDGIE. Okay, here we go - Terri with a slap - ooh, she's feisty! Another slap. Stratus tries a clothesline, Terri ducks and tries to leave the ring - only she gets lost on the way (no, REALLY - she stops, all confused like) - Trish pulls her back by the legs, turns her over and...WOW! GIANT SWING!! FOUR REVS! Trish with a handful of hair - Terri sent into the corner - (Cole: "Is he goin' back to Texas?" YEAH that's why he came to Rhode Island in the FIRST place, so he could just GO BACK) Trish runs at Terri but Terri ducks out. Got her by the hair and tossing her into a spin. Terri stands on the hair and pulls on the arms - tug tug - Stratus manages to roll her into a 2 count. Terri with a jawbreaker (!) - buttdrop on the abdomen - again - Terri with the press - 1, no - 1, no - and... 1, no. This match is a car wreck and I can't turn away! Stratus shoves her off - Terri tries again - whip is reversed, gutshot by Trish - bulldog - THAT'S HER MOVE, NOAH! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3. (1:58) For no reason apparent to me, Trish starts to untie Terri's top - this brings out TORRIE SAMUDA & STACY KEIBLER for no apparent reason - hairpull takedown by Stacy - double gutshot - Stacy whips her into Torrie's clothesline. Stacy holds her for a kick, kick, Torrie looks to the back to see if Lita's out yet, no, kick, kick, kick, NOW LITA is out - clothesline for you, clothesline for you, right hand for you, Twist of Fate for you, play my music, let's move on.

Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & MICHAEL KING COLE. Ross firmly believes he'll be back - 'cause we NEED (20)

UP NEXT: Undertaker & Kane vs. Rhyno & DDP!

inVasion ad (again)

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (with INVASION THIS SUNDAY) and RHYNO THE MAN BEAST (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) v. THE FUN BROTHERS - What happened with the Sara footage screening, anyway? Did they watch that before the big pep talk - or maybe after? Oh well, we'll never know. Pier Four Brawl with the men from the WWF getting the better of the punching battle - both Page and Rhyno end up outside in quick fashion. Taker to the outside, Kane awaiting an opponent. Page pumps up Rhyno - "KICKIZASSSSSS!" and once again Page manages to get his partner to be a sucker and get in there. Rhyno ducks the clothesline, right, right, right, Kane says "no sale" with a double choke - into the corner, right, right, right, right, right, right, stomp. Into the opposite corner - scooped up on the shoulder (21) - and powerslammed down. Overhand forearm to the back. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Rhyno - no sale - Rhyno with a choke...Rhyno pounds on the shoulder to get him to release - kick - off the ropes, Kane ducks - Kane with a big boot. Elbowdrop MISSES. Rhyno whips Kane into the corner - shoulder to the gut. Into the opposite corner - Kane up with no effect - catching Rhyno running at him and there's a powerslam. Tag to Taker - open kick. Soupbone, soupbone, head to the buckle, into the ropes, clothesline, legdrop off the ropes,

Outside in the parking lot, the Hollys are taking damage from Justin Credible, Hugh Morrus and Mark Jindrak - a truck pulls up - it's Austin! He's the only one smart enough to bring a weapon! Swinging his half pool cue, he takes out all three men, one at a time.

We look back to the ring - Paul is making wild gesticulations towards the EntertainmentTron but nothing else has changed.

To the backstage area, where Stasiak and Helms are working over Edge & Christian - in walks Austin - stick, stick, stick, stick, into the crates with you, into a table with you - how come all these WCW guys are wearing inVasion T-shirts, anyway?

Back to the ring - lookit Paul point. Ha ha ha, Paul's so funny. I wonder if we'll ever get a bell to this match? Hebner back in the ring...and running through the crowd to the other side and out. SO much weirdness. Crowd chanting "Austin." Or maybe "bullshit," what do I know? Anyway, the music hits...and Ross explodes - yeah, I WISH. (25, 26) Punches all around - when Austin throws punches, they're like grenades - down you go, down you go, down you go, KICK WHAM STUNNER for O'Haire, KICK WHAM STUNNER for Tazz, KICK WHAM STUNNER Bubba Ray, KICK WHAM STUNNER D-Von, KICK WHAM STUNNER Palumbo, KICK WHAM STUNNER Kanyon (now THAT man can sell!), Dreamer's all "do me! do me!" so KICK WHAM STUNNER Dreamer, and Kidman and Guerrero get a double chokeslam from the Fun Brothers. Play Austin's music! Why hasn't Ross lost his voice yet? (27) The five members of Team WWF are left in the ring - perhaps one of the most important things you'll see tonight, but of course the commentators (28) don't bother to call ANY attention to it...Undertaker *helps Angle up with a handshake.* Kane helps up Jericho. All five men stand - each man goes eye to eye with Austin - I'm BEGGING Austin to give ANY of them the Stunner - or beat up Ross again - oh well.....not tonight.

We look to the exit, where Lombardi is wheeling Blassie out and telling him how great he did tonight....but Shane and Stephanie stop him. "Hold on a sec, hold on a second! Stay right there. You think what you said in there had any impact at all?" "Hey Freddie. You think that what Stone Cold Steve Austin just did out there - you think THAT had any impact?" "You think that the WWF is gonna have any impact at all - any impact at all this Sunday on ECW & WCW? The answer is no." "Hahahahaha - but I tell you what WILL have a lot of impact - you see, Freddie, because you and the WWF have a lot in common...you're BOTH about to DIE." "Get him outta here - go!" Steph and Shane strike a pose - War Zone credits - WWF logo - see ya.

Maybe THURSDAY they'll explain to us how the winner of the Inaugural Brawl can CHANGE THE FACE OF SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT AS WE KNOW IT BY GOD

Maybe then we'll find out ... JUST WHICH SIDE.... JERRY LYNN IS ON

Who had 28 in the pool?