WWF RAW is WAR
I GET LETTERS:
Tim legg schools me: Being an old-schooler like me, I'm
assuming you know who Nick Patrick's dad is. Of course, it's the original
Assassin. I don't remember his real name. I think it's Jamie
Somethingerother. The bizarre part about Ross's remark isn't him making
reference to something so obscure. The REALLY bizarre thing is Ross
somehow thinking that THE FREAKIN' ASSASSIN would disapprove of
cheating!!!! That guy INVENTED half the dirty tricks in the business. Come
to think of it, ya just don't see enough "loaded masks" these days. And
how come Parts Unknown doesn't produce anywhere near as many wrestlers
these days as it used to. What, did the place burn down???? What's that ya
say, "I'm rambling" ??? Sorry. I'm off to take my medication.
Thanks also to the ezboard's Handsome Eddie Famous for the Jody Hamilton pointer!
TONIGHT: The inVasion will continue until it is no longer deemed profitable! For this week's installment, the Undertaker battles Rhyno in the main event! But don't worry - those of you who aren't into wrestling may enjoy the SPANKING match between Trish Stratus and Torrie Wilson! Why is it called a SPANKING match? Oh, man, that's TOO EASY. Also: Austin may be around...we're pretty sure.
QUICK QUOTE: WWF 13.20 (- .90, last year: 20 5/8)
You know what the final episode of Miami Vice really needed? That's right. THE GHOST OF LOU RODRIGUEZ
TV-14-DLV - CC - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Let Us Take You Back About Sixty Years as FDR...no, wait...oh, *I* get it - it's one of those clever historical juxtapositional dealies 'twixt WW2 and WWF - I guess they liked this package so much they decided the non-PPV audience needed to see it, too... And at the very end, PPV stills tell the story - THEOLD Stone Cold Steve Austin finally revealed his true colours by revealing that he was aligned with ... you guessed it.
Opening Credits - still got some Austin, but what's with that longish look at Kurt Angle, HMMM??
PYRO AWAY and we're off - coming to you LIVE from the HSBC Arena in Beefalo, NY 23.7.1, from WWF New York, from the National Network and the Sports Network, and from me to you - it's the WWF, and in the WWF, RAW is WAR!
TONIGHT: Undertaker vs. Rhyno!
TONIGHT: Trish Stratus vs. Torrie Wilson in a Spankit match!
Did I mention WE ARE LIVE? Also, we are transmitido en espanol SAP!
THEOLD STONE COLD has new (downtempo=heel) music, and a new entourage - SHANE O. MAC, STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT and IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL. Austin goes ahead and hits all four corners anyway - because he can. Ross proclaims Austin a "first-class (beep)" - awww, somebody's miffed. Commentators tell us that Austin has taken the title outside the company - we can only wonder how he gets this television time, but perhaps Stephanie will explain it to us. Perhaps I'll win the Lotto as well. "Well... I guess I don't blame any of you for being angry. I - I don't, I don't blame you - I mean the TRUTH...the TRUTH..." "Slut!" "It's okay, it's okay. I don't blame you. The truth is a bitter pill to swallow. And last night, the WCW/ECW alliance - we shoved the truth right down your throats. See, Shane, Paul and I - well we said that the WCW/ECW alliance would dominate the WWF, and we did. We said that the WCW/ECW alliance would defeat the WWF IN the Inaugural Brawl AT inVasion and we did! AND we said that the WWF is going to DIE, and it is. Because last night, the WCW/ECW alliance struck a fatal blow - the WWF has begun to BLEED. And the bleeding can't be stopped! Chant all you want..you will not be able to stop the WWF from dying a slow and painful death." This is a slow and painful promo "And it's going to happen right before your very eyes." "Boss, I - Shane - I, I I hate to say that we told them so...but WE TOLD YOU SO! We told you that you were supporting the #2 brand in Sports Entertainment - and you laughed. We told you that you were supporting the losing team, like a bunch of miserable, stinking losers - we were right - you were wrong - we told you so. We told you we were gonna rip the heart and the soul out of the WWF - we did, didn't we Shane? Because, ladies and gentlemen, the #1 brand in sp--" "Asshole!" "Even now you don't listen. Because the #1 brand in this industry today - FINALLY, thank you God, is the ECW/WCW alliance! And ladies and gentlemen, if you want proof of that statement, think about this. For the first time in history, thanks to Stone Cold Steve Austin (boos), the WWF Championship has been taken away - taken away from the WWF and taken away from each and every one of you. HE who has the gold has the power, and he, Shane, who has the power has the gold." "Well last night was only the beginning - because, you see, there is a new dominant brand in sports entertainment - and it is the alliance of WCW and ECW. A brand that promises to be a more exciting and entertaining brand than that of the WWF. A brand whose fans will be far more...intelligent and excited, and appreciative for what they are watching and whom they are watching...unlike all of you. A brand that promises to set a new standard of excellence for our business. And allow me to introduce you to the man that will lead our alliance of superstars into the future, to the promised land! Get on your feet - he is the most dominant and influential athlete in the history - in the HISTORY of sports entertainment - get on your feet - I said get on your feet, and pay respect to the World Wrestling Federation champion - he is...STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN." This should be dynamite. "If there's one thing - if there is one thing that Stone Cold Steve Austin is about, it's appreciation. Over the last few weeks, I find that Stone Cold Steve Austin is no longer appreciated. Vince McMahon, every time I turned around, I saw you huggin' Kurt Angle behind my back! You're huggin' Kurt Angle like he's somethin' special! You're huggin' Kurt Angle because you want to replace me. You know, Vince, a hug used to be something special between Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vince McMahon, but EH EH! No longer! You wanna hug Kurt Angle because you're GROOMING him to be the next WWF Champion. What's wrong with Stone Cold Steve Austin? What's wrong with me?" Ross: "You're an (beep)." "There ain't nothing wrong with me. And what's worse than that, every time I turned around, when I walk in your office...oh I see you on the phone. I see you dailin' that little number. And I know who you're talkin' to, Vince - ya damn right, Stone Cold knows who you're talkin' to...oh yeah, yer calling....yer callin' THE ROCK." "Rock E!" "Why....why....why...why you gotta call the Rock? Why do you have to call the Rock? I'm right here. I'm standing in this ring. What's wrong with me? Because...I don't know why. What's wrong with Stone Cold Steve Austin. Why you wanna call the Rock? Everything I've done for you, Vince...you don't need Kurt Angle. You don't need the Rock. You got Stone Cold Steve Austin, and that ain't good enough for you. I'm no longer appreciated..and you fans...the World Wrestling Federation fans...I ain't gonna cook... that's what I'm talkin' about. The World Wrestling Federation fans ain't gonna kick Stone Cold Steve Austin around anymore. All the blood,
the sweat, and the
tears that I've given for this business as the #1 icon in this business,
you're not gonna kick me around no more, oh no! So I jumped to a team
that appreciates Stone Cold Steve Austin - I've jumped to a team that
respects Stone Cold Steve Austin - I've jumped to a team that LOVES Stone
Cold Steve Austin. I jumped to a team that's gonna find me the best
competition in the world. Because if there's one thing that Stone Cold
Steve Austin is not afraid of, it's competition. Stone Cold Steve Austin
will back down from NOBODY." Hey, look, it's KURT ANGLE out to test that
statement. "Yeah, that's right, just stay up there - just stay where
you're at. LOOKATCHA! Look at ya, you're pathetic! Captain America!
Mr. USA! Olympic Hero! Olympic Gold Medal winner! You know, the last
time I saw you, you was lookin' at the lights, gettin' pinned 1, 2, 3 -
that's what happened to you - when I left you, SmackDown! last week, you
got your ass beat in the middle of this ring because you couldn't depend
on Stone Cold Steve Austin, oh no I wasn't there for you. Look at
you...red, white and blue. I pledge allegiance to the flag! My God
blessed America! My country 'tis of thee! That's a bunch o' CRAP! And I
see you standin' there - I see you standin' there, you come out there like
you want a piece of Stone Cold Steve Austin...but I see the fear in your
eyes! You're scared, ain'cha. You're scared to death. Look at ya."
Angle's gaze is unflinching. "Hey...heh heh...you want a piece of Stone
Cold Steve Austin, you son of a bitch? Come on down here, hot shot, and
getcha a little, you mealy-mouthed bastard!" Angle starts to the ring,
which clears of people not named Austin, and it's on - Austin right, Angle
right, Austin, Angle, Austin, Angle, Angle, Angle, Angle, Angle ducks a
swing, belly-to-belly overhead suplex! Austin rolls out, Angle giving him
a stomp on the way. Angle daring Austin to get back in the ring, but
Shane and Paul "hold him back." Play Angle's music! Ross notes that if
Austin REALLY wanted in the ring, he could probably get past Heyman and
Shane's token resistance. The four head back up the ramp, while Angle
stands in the ring looking intense (and probably also intelligent
That was pretty good, actually - Austin seems about as nuts as before
Hey! Is that the Goldberg monster truck in that "Rat Race" ad? GOOOOOOOOLD BERRRRRRRRG GOOOOOOOOOLD BERRRRRRRRRRG Hey whatever happened to that guy? Damn, thank Scott Keith in your autobiography ONCE and next thing you know, you're all the way down the highway to obscurity
"This summer, get ready for the return of the Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment." "IF YA SMELLL....." "Finally, THE ROCK has come back to pay-per-view! Don't miss SummerSlam LIVE at the Compaq Center, August 19th! Get your tickets NOW!"
And now, the Smack of the Night, presented by the JVC Giga-Tube! From inVasion, several clips of the hardcore title match...which ended with Rob van Dam taking the title from Jeff Hardy.
In the locker room, van Dam shows off his belt for the ECW guys. "Well, I guess we proved who the winning team is yesterday, huh guys? Us, gee - the ECW/WCW Alliance. Now the WWF guys wanna join our team! Go figure, right? They're a little bit late, don't you think? We're the winning team, we can hand pick anybody that we want. Right, yesterday, I showed Jeff Hardy why they call me Mr. Pay Per View when I took his hardcore title. We can take any title we want. Tonight, I'm gonna show Matt Hardy why they call me Mr. Monday Night, WHY we're the winning team, and why they should be afraid of ECW, WCW and...RVD." YAY HE POINTED TO HIMSELF
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: MATT HARDY (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by Corn Nuts, MX2002, and M&M's!) v. ROB VAN DAM - van Dam gets the pose out of the way on the ramp. Hardy with a baseball slide dropkick through the ropes to surprise the champion. Right hand. Into the post. Backdrop. Hardy throws him in and goes weapon hunting. RAW, WCW, WWF - "damn, how many ring aprons ARE there on this thing?" Now he's got a ladder...back in the ring - ladder to the gut - ladder across the chest. Hardy puts the ladder against the turnbuckle - right hand, right, whip into the ladder. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, van Dam kicks out. Hardy picks up the ladder...but van Dam turns it around with a spin kick to the ladder. Give it a Chef Boyardee Double Feature. van Dam's turned it around - double underhook...call it a butterfly gourdbuster - off the ropes - forward roll into the senton - 1, 2, Hardy kicks out. van Dam outside to bring the ladder back in. The ladder is standing. Stomp for Hardy. Scoop...and a slam. Cole tries to talk about Angle, but Ross steers it back to van Dam - depending on whether or not you like Ross, you can argue either (1) Ross is great for putting the focus back on the match, or (2) Ross is such a suck-up to Austin that he's not gonna spend ANY time trying to put Angle over. Heck, it may be a little of each. van Dam climbing the ladder...at the top...Hardy is up, though, and climbing up the opposite side. van Dam decides to step a few steps back as keeping his balance is becoming increasingly difficult. Hardy right, right, van Dam right, Hardy right, right, right, causing van Dam to climb up the ladder...oh, I mean Hardy hiptossing him over the ladder to the ring! ("He just exposed the business!") Oh man, don't tell me YOU don't like RVD either - come on. ("Naw, I'm more of a 'spot style' bashing smarky smark smark.") Oh, okay. Hardy resetting the ladder and climbing up seven rungs - THE SHIRT'S OFF SQUEEEEEEEEAL - big ahhhhhhhhdrop, but Hardy gave himself an atomic drop in the process...he can't put all his weight into that press - 1, 2, van Dam slides out. Chef Boyardee gets cheffy with the Double Feature. Hardy shoves the ladder onto van Dam - now he's got him between the legs of the ladder, and he's compressing him with it - count along for seven strikes. Hardy stops to look at the crowd - van Dam gives him a swift kick in the nuts. That's actually fine strategy there. Hardy doubles over - van Dam shoves the leg of the ladder into his head. van Dam is out of the ladder, and placing Hardy in the ladder - stomp. Then he shoves referee "Blind" Teddy Long on top (ha!) van Dam outside - to the top - FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH onto the ladder! van Dam holds his gut...but makes the cover. Long makes the slow count - 1... 2.... 3. Champ retains. (4:04) Wow, I guess he CAN work a four minute special. Still, let's see how he reacts when he has to job...or not keep a title for two years.
Replay of the frog
splash (two angles).
Edge & Christian are walkin' and talkin' (without the trophy?), and in high spirits from their win of last night...until they happen 'pon the Dudley Boyz. They congratulate them on their impressive win. "I mean, it wasn't like winning the 'main event' and all, but still a nice little match." Umbrage is taken - the counterpoint being that if it weren't for Austin, they wouldn't have won at all. D-Von suggests a table match, and the challenge is accepted. Here comes Booker T. HE overheard, and he wants them to know they would have won the Inaugural Brawl with OR without Austin. "Man I can't believe you DISSIN' me like this, man - and the Dudleyz." He wants in the match - and make it a six man. Christian: "That's fine, but let me ask you a question, Booker T - are you any relation to Mr. T?" T's ready to dish out a little right now, but Bubba holds him back. Bubba suggests making the match a six man elimination table match. Christian: "Sounds good." Edge: "And I PITY THE FOOL that go through a table!" Wow, those Canadians sure are RACIST
Tough Enough ad - YES! the CROSSDRESSING episode!
Mick Foley eats big beefaroni for Chef Boyardee
When we come back, Kanyon congratulates Page on his big win last night - along with the "whole Debra abduction setup thing" last Thursday. "Hey, lemme tell you - you have to understand, that was all Steve and Debra, they came up with the whole thing! Yeah, I just had to drive the car. It was so easy! But the BEAUTY, the real beauty was...the WWF, at inVasion, never saw it coming." Talk turns to Kanyon's T-shirt. Kanyon explains that since the Alliance won 6 to 5, the six-man tag match he was in was the difference maker...and since he basically carried that match, and kept the night from going the WWF's way, he was the MVP. Thus, his "INVASION MVP" T-shirt. "...I went out, I got this cool T-shirt made! Besides, who's better than Kanyon, right?" He turns around to reveal "WHO BETTER THAN KANYON?" on the back. "Hey, nice shirt. Hey, that's gonna sell like hotcakes!" Did Page just roll his eyes?
WWF INTERALBERTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: LANCE STORM v. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALBERT - Kanyon takes on Jericho later tonight! "If I can be serious for a minute....now that the World Wrestling Federation title has taken its appropriate place within the Alliance, I think it appropriate that I capture the intercontinental title. And when I do, I will finally have the respect I deserve, and no longer be interrupted by these RUDE--" "Yo you dealin' with the X FACTOR." Now I don't want to ruin this match for you, but you've probably noticed that the referee is Nick Patrick. Just put it out of your mind, Bunky. Lockup, Storm put in the corner, kick, right, shoudler into the gut, shoulder, shoulder, right, Storm tossed back into the center. Albert runs him over the top and out of the ring - and follows. Storm back in as Albert is out - going for a pescado, but Albert just catches him on his shoulder. Ready to take him to the post, but Storm breaks free and shoves Albert there instead. Back in the ring - Storm with a kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right...is caught and Albert clotheslines him down. Right hand. Clothesline. Into the ropes, Storm ducks, but Albert hits a big shoulderblock the next time by. Huge press...two reps...and a drop - off the ropes with a yaaah splash - 1, 2, no. Hard whip into the corner - Storm gets the boot up to stop the yaah charge. Storm runs into the yaaah pump kick, though. Storm put into the corner - here comes the yaaaaaaaaaaaavalanche. And here comes AWESOME MIKE AWESOME for the run-in - Patrick drops everything to keep him on the apron. Here comes X-PACTOR to punch Awesome - meanwhile, behind Patrick's back, HUGH MORRIS is in and brains Albert with the title belt - Storm with a superkick - Patrick with a count - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new intercontinental champion. (1:57) Quickly, KANE, JERICHO & APA are out - W/ECW is out - the WWF LOCKER ROOM is out - the ring fills with humanity...then slowly clears of non-WWF folks - Bradshaw with a powerbomb for Mark Jindrak - Kidman (I think) gets a Kane chokeslam. But the bottom line is a THIRD championship in the camp of the W/ECW.
Hey, have you noticed how they've dropped "Coalition" in favour of "Alliance" tonight?
They haven't said "Dangerous" yet...at least...
Moments Ago, three paragraphs ago there's a riot goin' on
Shane reminds Paul and Stephanie (and us) how many belts
Austin gets applauded. In comes Chris Kanyon to hop up and down and
remind everyone he was the MVP last night, and won inVasion. Austin: "Who
is this guy?" Shane: "He's - he's with us." "Chris Kanyon, I was the MVP
last night - MVP - last night." "What's it say on the back?" "That says
Who better than Kanyon - I scream it out, and the fans scream back
'nobody--'" "HEEEY - look at me. I'll TELL you who better than Chris
Kanyon - Stone Cold Steve Austin. Do you understand that?" "Absolutely.
Now on, I'll say 'Who better than Kanyon besidesStoneColdSteveAustin,'
I'll start doin' that..." Stephanie flies in before Austin can pop him
one, directing Kanyon to concentrate on shutting up Chris Jericho forever.
Meanwhile, stand by for PAIN as Torrie Wilson laces up - and Stacy Keibler watches. "I mean, can you believe what Trish Stratus tried to do to me last night? She tried to rip ALL my clothes off, and those disgusting WWF fans were drooling all over my beautiful breasts. [There's a mental picture] I mean, she's just jealous - she's jealous because she knows that my breasts are more beautiful and a lot more firm than her are, and...she's just jealous because Jeff Hardy wants me a lot more than he wants her." "You're absolutely right. I mean, she has NO class at all." "And when I get a hold of that paddle in the Spanking match tonight, I'm gonna beat some class into her, and prove to her that the Alliance has much more dominant females." "Torrie, tonight's YOUR night." Wow, for a minute there I thought Stacy's head was gonna fall off from all that vigorous nodding!
Meanwhile (3), in the Commissioner's office, Regal paces. "Tajiri...not only have those two ungrateful children of Mr. McMahon's stabbed him right in the back, but now Stone Cold Steve Austin has spun him round and stabbed him right through the heart. He's taken the WWF Championship right over to the side of the Alliance, I mean what more can go wrong? We've lost the hardcore title, we've just lost the intercontinental title...we have to start taking back what's rightfully ours, piece by piece, and it starts tonight with you taking apart Raven, so for the WWF, go! And take apart that filthy miserable toerag!" Tajiri: "(something in Japanese)!"
Meanwhile (4), Edge & Christian catch up to....an unseen person. "Look, I know we've had our differences lately, but...you know...we're all bigger than that." "Yeah, the WWF needs to stay together. We need to send this Alliance a serious message. So what do you say - you in?" Pan left....surprise! it's Kurt Angle. "Six man elimination table match against Booker T and the Dudleyz? You bet your sweet asses I'm in." "Did he just say 'sweet asses?'"
NO WAY - there's ACTUALLY some NEW CRYSTAL METHOD coming out? I figured they'd live off "Vegas" FOREVER. Hmm, they'll be at Virgin SF Wednesday...
WWF LIVE! Tix on sale Saturday for Denver, Wichita, Des Moines, Ft. Wayne, Grand Rapids, Detroit and Worcester!
Here's a look at the grand exterior of the HSBC Arena
TAJIRI v. CAW CAW CAW - Tajiri ducks, kicks, kicks, kicks, and out goes Raven. Tajiri out after him - Raven put back in - off the ropes, hiptoss by Tajiri - catching the swing, into an armdrag - now holding that arm, floating over and scissoring the legs in a crucifix cover for 2. Tajiri nips up - gutshot, Raven into the ropes, no reversal, Raven off the ropes with a clothesline. Running kneelift by Raven. Right, right, Tajiri breaks that up with a ...yikes, a flurry of rightleft, kicks with both feet - we'll call it Fury and leave it at that. Tajiri: "YAAAAAAAA" - Raven tries a right, Tajiri ducks it and lands a thrust kick. Into the ropes is reversed, but Tajiri does a handspring elbow off the ropes. Kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, right by Raven. Snapmares him over. Raven's got the hair - walked into another corner, open-handed slap - another big slap - and there's a third. Tajiri tossed through the ropes...Raven follows out. Side Russian legsweep into the barricade. Tajiri put back in the ring. Raven with a knee to the head. Right hand. Tajiri fires back. Raven right, Tajiri fires back. Raven right, Tajiri barrels him down and throws some rights - Raven rolls it over and HE'S on top. Tajiri whipped, reversal, kick by Tajiri, whip is reversed but Tajiri is up and over - right for Raven - up to the top - missile dropkick finds the mark - cover - 2. Crowd is quiet, but at least they don't seem bored. Into the ropes, head down so Raven kicks him. There's a clothesline - leg is hooked - 2 for Raven. Tajiri put in the corner, follow lariat, going for the bulldog but Tajiri shakes him off and puts him in the corner sternum first. There's a KICK - now to the ropes and there's the tarantula! Referee "Blind" Jack Doan dutifully puts on the count and Tajiri releases at 4. Standing KICK - 1, 2, 3. (3:51)
Rhyno looks straight ahead and not at Heyman: "I've waited all my life for this, Rhyno - the WWF is no longer #1, think about it. The hardcore champion is with us. The intercontinental champion is with us. The WWF Champion (Stone Cold Steve Austin) is with the WCW/ECW Alliance - Rhyno, there's only one piece of the puzzle left: the legend of the Undertaker, and that's where you come into play. You see, Rhyno, I want you to put the final nail in the coffin of the legend of the Undertaker because if you can do that, it'll be the final nail in the coffin in the WWF. So I want you to go through those doors, I want you to go into the ring, I want you to look the Undertaker in the eye...GORE! GORE! G-" Rhyno stops him from screaming it a third time and whispers "GORE." "Yes. Go get him. Go get him, Rhyno. It's all on you, Rhyno! It's all on you."
WWF Superstars: the Poster Magazine ad (oops, Austin isn't
a...well, is he? Shoot, I can't remember)
The APA catch up to Angle in the locker room. "Kurt Angle! Hell of a job tonight, that was great!" "Hey hey listen, I gotta tell you man, what you did to Stone Cold tonight...that took a lotta balls!" They got a big surprise for him, and it don't come from a cow. They present him with...a beer. "I never had one of these." "It's all right, we drink all the time, look how we turned out!" Angle has a sip. "That's not bad." "Come on, you whipped Stone Cold's ass, drink up! Drink the whole thing!" "What the heck, all right." He shoots it - or, rather, spills most of it on himself. "This stuff's pretty tasty - when'd they start makin' this?" Faarooq: "DAMN."
TAKER (with Sara...and RAW credits) v. RHYNO (with TV-14-DLV and CC boxes) - Taker blocks, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, kick, back elbow, kick, back elbow. Into the opposite corner, but Rhyno gets an elbow in on the charge...then runs into a drop toehold (see, he CAN wrestle!) - Taker drops the elbow, up quick for a second elbowdrop - cover...2. Arm wringer, kick, say it with me - "OLD SKOOL" - and there's a clothesline. Off the ropes with a legdrop - 1, 2, Rhyno kicks out. Headbutt. Into the ropes, head down, Rhyno kicks - NO SALE. Rhyno ducks a clothesline, connects with a kick to the gut, into the ropes, Taker ducks the clothesline - choke - but Rhyno punches out of it - kick in the gut - into the corner - shoudlerblock by Rhyno. Kick, kick, kick, kick, shoulder, shoulder, right, right. Referee "Blind" Tim White gets the break. Taker walks out - Rhyno with a right, Taker with a soupbone. Right, soupbone. Soupbone, soupbone, Rhyno with a knee. Right hand. Into the opposite corner, and Taker lands hard. Rhyno waiting for him to get up...going for the GORE! but Taker meets him with a boot. International sign of the chokeslam...but here comes DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE. Amazingly, Taker manages to keep his back to wherever Page is as he *does* hit the chokeslam - and get the 1, 2, 3 (2:36). Taker then spies Page, lets himself out of the ring, and clocks Page with a soupbone. Soupbone! Soupbone puts Page over the barricade. Taker out after him - Taker blocks a right and lands a soupbone. Wait for it - soupbone! Knee in the gut...now back over the barricade to the floor. Soupbone! I wonder what he'll try next. Page rolled into the ring. Hmmm, Taker's got a chair...but in the ring, it's *Sara* engaging in a full stompdown on Page! Taker pulls her back....but Sara runs back and continues stomping. Taker physically pulls her off...then walks over as Page tries to bring himself to his feet using the ropes. Soupbone! Soupbone! If you had "Soupbone!" YOU WON! Lemme tell you a story about a man named Soupbone! Page grabs the chair...but Taker throws a soupbone before he can use it! Taker has the chair again - Sara putting on the badmouth...oh oh, I think I know where this is going. Sure enough, Taker swings the chair...just as Page pulls Sara into the path of the oncoming STEEL! Sara takes the shot in the back. As Taker drops to check on his wife, Page makes his getaway. We're left with Sara out cold and Taker over her. Amazingly, they DON'T play any music to end this segment.
Moments Ago, read previous paragraph - give it THREE camera angles
During the Break, Taker carried his wife off
Outside, Taker tries to will Sara back to life...yet refuses to let the EMT's near her. "GETAWAY!"
Meanwhile, Page is outside sprinting to his car. JONATHAN COACHMAN manages to catch up to him to express his righteous indignation. "SHUT UP! Shut up! Are you kidding me? Do you think - Let's get something straight? Do you think I'd wanna have something happen to Sara? Are you kidding me? Oh my God. I mean, to see the pain in her eyes...to see the ANGUISH in her eyes, I mean...it really turned me on. I mean, it REALLY turned me on, my God - it twinged something deep inside, I mean GOD - I really dug it. I really did....I gotta go. I gotta go." And then he goes. WOW Page makes such a LOUD noise when he inhales.
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. CHRIS KANYON - But first, this Y2J chant. "Even though Chris Kanyon claims that last night, he was the most valuable player, as far as Y2J is concerned, tonight he has proven to be the most annoying assclown (pause for assclown pop)
....and he's also asking the burning question of:
'WHO BETTAH THAN KANYON?' Well the answer to that is easy; I think every
Jerichoholic in this ARENA is better than Kanyon! I mean, let's take an
example. What's your name, man?" "Kevin." "I think KEVIN better than
Kanyon! What's your name?" "Gary." "I think GARY better than Kanyon!"
"What's your name?" "Jennifer." "I think THUTHEFER is defin--" Hmm,
Jericho must have been too busy staring at her breasts to listen to her
name. Anyway, at this point Kanyon's (old WCW) music interrupts. Aww,
they chopped off the Mortis riff at the beginning! And here he comes.
Jericho with a clothesline to meet him at the bottom of the ramp. Gut to
the barricade. Right hand - whip is reversed, and Jericho's back hits the
ring. Kanyon runs at him, but Jericho drops to take him into the
ringpost. Kanyon put in the ring, where the opening bell finally sounds -
in the corner, chop, chop, whip into the opposite corner, follow lariat.
All Jericho thus far. Knee to the head. Snap suplex...holding on for a
second...and rolling into a third - 1, 2, no. Did Jericho just steal one
of Kanyon's own moves? That takes some chutzpah. Right hand. Into the
ropes is reversed, head down, kick by Jericho - Jericho runs off the ropes
- Kanyon catches him - wow, into a sitout spinebomb - 1, 2, no. Right
hand by Kanyon - right - Kanyon removes his shirt and chokes Jericho with
it. Into the ropes, Jericho tries a reversal but Kanyon hits a gutshot.
Swinging neckbreaker gets 2. Kanyon puts on a headlock. Crowd claps
Jericho back to his feet - elbow, elbow, chop, chop, into the corner -
Kanyon gets the boot up. Kanyon to the top - super Rocker Dropper! But
it only gets 2. Kanyon sets Jericho on the top turnbuckle - right, right,
right, climbing to the second rope to try the superplex - Jericho holds on
- hangs on again - right to the body, headbutt, headbutt, right and Kanyon
falls back to the ring - Jericho on top - missile dropkick! Both men are
down and referee "Blind" Mike Chioda lays in the count. Chef Boyardee
presents this Double Feature. Chioda up to 6...7...Jericho pulls himself
up with the ropes. But it's Kanyon striking first - block, right, right,
off the ropes, Jericho ducks, and comes off with the flying jalapeno!
Off the ropes, shoulderblock, off the ropes, Kanyon ducks the clothesline
so Jericho chops him! Chop! Into the ropes is reversed, but Jericho gets
up the boot - there's the modified bulldog - ready for the Lionsault - but
Kanyon puts up the knees! There's the Flatliner (Cole: "facefirst") - 1,
2, KICKOUT! Kanyon forearms him in the back - that's three of 'em -
Jericho evades the suplex attempt going down the back - Kanyon ducks a
clothesline, Jericho catches a kick - Jericho ducks the enzuigiri attempt
and hangs onto the leg - going for the Walls of Jericho...and gets it!
Kanyon has no choice but to tap. (4:55)
Hey look, it's a limousine! And it's....it's Vince McMahon! AND! HE - IS - WALKING!!
"Lita: It Just Feels Right" ad
The Fram Slam of the Week is brought to you by FRAM! Stills from last night's inVasion detail Austin's turn - and Booker T's pin of Kurt Angle
"No Chance in Hell" plays as MR. McMAHON takes to the ring. Ross dubs him "a modern day George Patton." Oh my. "I suppose congratulations are in order for the WCW/ECW Alliance...for their victory at inVasion. I'd like to remind the Alliance, however, that victory was but one battle. I'm confident that we here in the World Wrestling Federation will win many battles, and ultimately WIN THE WAR." Of course, they won the war back in March, but... "However, I admit the stealing of Stone Cold Steve Austin was...like dropping an atomic bomb. But then again, if it's nuclear warfare you want, it's nuclear warfare you're gonna get! Because tonight, I'm gonna drop a little bomb of my own." Quick cut to the New Room of Fun as the crowd is ALREADY chanting "Rock E." "You see, tonight...I'm gonna do something I should have done a LONG time ago. Tonight, I'm gonna lift the suspension of a certain WWF superstar." Big pop. "Tonight - tonight, I'm gonna reinstate a certain WWF superstar. Tonight, I'm gonna reinstate the Rock." Quick reaction from Austin. "I know - I know that just because, just because I wanna reinstate the Rock, I know that doesn't necessarily mean the Rock will come back to the WWF and come back to action...because if the Rock, if the Rock chooses to come back to action, he does so not because of Vince McMahon, but in spite of him. But knowing that, Rock...I've got a challenge for ya, Rock. You've never backed down from a challenge before, so...here goes. You know, Rock...should you decide to come back to the WWF, I gotta wonder...Rock, can you still (makes hand motion) bring it? I've gotta wonder, Rock, whether you can still...layeth the smack down. And Rock, can you still...raise the People's Eyebrow, Rock? And...drop the People's Elbow, can you do that, Rock? Rock, let me ask you - Rock, do you still consider yourself the People's Champion? Rock, are you still worthy of being called the Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment Today? If you are, Rock...
then listen to me. Listen to me, dammit, Rock, I know - I
know you're watching us tonight...no wait a minute. Don't listen to me.
Listen, Rock...in Buffalo, New York...Rock! ROCK! THEY'RE CHANTING YOUR
NAME! THEY'RE CHANTING YOUR NAME, ROCK! Can you hear it, Rock?! Can you
hear it?! Well, Rock...on behalf of the (lowers voice) millions - AND
MILLIONS OF YOUR ROCK'S FANS - Rock, come back! Come back, Rock, because
once again we want to...SMELLLLLELELELELELELEELOWW WHAT THE ROCK IS
COOKIN'!" Hey, what's worse, Vince hitting all of Rock's catchprases...or
ROCK hitting all of Rock's catchphrases? We'll find out....soon...
When we come back, Kurt Angle hits Vince's office. Vince sniffs. "Have you been drinking?" "Never mind...I came here to ask you something. I mean, I heard what you said out there - about the Rock, and...just for the record, I'm all in favour of the Rock coming back. Any man that can help the World Wrestling Federation once again rightfully take its place to supremacy - I mean, hey, I'm all for it. But you know something? You need someone special...and don't get me wrong, the Rock's special...but what you need is a leader. What I'm trying to say, Mr. McMahon, is...what you need is you need me. Okay? You need a person that's been in the Olympics and won a Gold Medal. I mean...what you need...is a man with the three I's. You know what I'm saying? A man with integrity - than when you look over your shoulder - he's gonna be there. Yeah. You need a man with intelligence - a man that's gonna make the right decisions for you. Yeah. And last but not least, you need a man with intensity - a man that has the ability to tear any guy limb from limb. What I'm trying to say is...you, you need a special kind of leader. Vince, you need me." "Well Kurt, you might be right. I don't know. All I can say is, in this day and age, however, actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words." "You're right. You're absolutely right." Angle grabs Vince by the shirt and pushes him back to the door. "You want action? You got action. As only the American Hero can. Oh, it's true - it's damn true!" And he walks off, leaving a bewildered Vince...
Look at WWF New York!
Inside are Billy Gunn and Big Show - they discuss the fact that if THEY'D been at the Inaugural Brawl, the WWF would have won! Each man tries to list off enough credentials to get you to respect them - too bad I can't be bothered to list them myself. "You know what, I think it's time to take matters into our own hands and MAKE these company respect us!" "Yeah, I see what you're saying, I'm digging it - you know, let's order, I'm hungry! You want some bitchcakes - I mean, crab cakes?" "Oh, you think you're funny - why don't you have a few more hamburgers and milkshakes to go with that wonderful body." "Hey, I've LOST weight, Billy." "Yeah, look behind you - you'll find it." "Can I get a salad?"
Meanwhile, Torrie Wilson catches up to Jeff Hardy, who is busy dumping seven or eight sugar packets into his coffee (THAT explains a LOT) - she asks if Matt's okay (I guess she missed seeing him earlier in the show) and Jeff says yuh. She congratulates him on his spectacular match last night - is HE okay? "Yeah, my back's sore, you know." "Okay, well GOOD, because you know what, I have a Spanking match tonight and I would LOVE to get some practice in, if you don't mind?" Hardy stares at the paddle...I think he's staring at the paddle. Here's Trish in the frame. "What's this?" "Trish...she's got a paddle." "Paddle this, bitch." And she slaps her one. Hardy pulls her off before she can do any more damage. "You'll pay for that, Trish!" Come on, Jeff, at least LOOK like you ENJOY holding her back!
Catch the WWF LIVE this week! Tomorrow, it's Pittsburgh! Syracuse Saturday, Wilkes-Barre Sunday, Philly hosts RAW and it's Washington next Tuesday.
TORRIE SAMUDA (with Chef Boyardee presents SummerSlam!) v. TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL in a Spanking, Paddle on a Pole Match - The problem with Wilson's music is it's all low bass and on most TV's doesn't sound like ANYTHING - as in, you can't hear it. I'd like to publicly welcome back Ed Ferrara to the fold. (You're just kidding, right?) Yeah, I THINK so. Trish runs into a drop toehold - well, they don't connect but the IDEA was there, at least - Wilson tries a whip, but it's reversed - Stratus with a kick. Stomp. Stratus going up for the paddle already - Wilson from behind, but not succeeding in tripping her up - Stratus leaps from the second rope with a clothesline. Wilson manages to shoulder her into the corner - repeated shoulders in the abdomen. Stomp. Stomp. Field goal kick. Torrie going up top - but Trish rams her head into the buckle.
Snapmares her over - elbowdrop - running at Wilson again, but she
sidesteps and Stratus goes through the ropes to the floor. Wilson going
to the pole, but Stratus meets her outside and pulls her into the buckle.
Stratus in and sitting on top - choke from behind. Stratus climbs up and
gets the paddle - she swings, but Torrie stops, drops and rolls outside.
First woman to use the paddle gets the win. Torrie yanks on Trish,
tripping her up - leg across the apron. Wilson back in, she's got the
paddle - winding up...and running into a takedown by Stratus. Got her by
the hair...Wilson counters into an alleged jawbreaker. Wilson with a
dropkick in the back. Got the paddle - and there you go with the
spanking. (2:26) Wilson
gets in a free shot to the front as well.
Shane addresses the troops: "Listen up - you heard what Vince said - the war is still on. Tonight we need to make a statement. We need to continue to do it, and what better way to make a statement than Angle, Edge and Christian all lying through tables - especially Kurt Angle - how dare he put his hands on Stone Cold Steve Austin." "Damn right, I'll be watching!"
The ACE are WALKING!
Tough Enough ad #2
Mick Foley has seconds
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ and NAPPY T v. KING EDGE & CHRISTIAN and KURT ANGLE in an elimination tables match - Angle wants to start for his team - oh, surely that's the BEER talking. Booker wants to start, but D-Von holds him back - so Angle gives *D-Von* the forearm in the back instead. Right, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow. Head to the buckle. Right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, but Angle gets the elbow up. Angle with a running clothesline. Crowd responds to his "woooo!" with a whoop of their own. Tag to Christian, open shot. Right hand. Snapmares him over - kick in the back, kick in the head, stomp, overhand punches to the back (five). Stomp. Tag to Edge, open shot, into the ropes for a double hiptoss. Right hand by Edge. Gutshot, right, into the opposite corner - Edge runs at him, D-Von drops and dumps him onto the apron - Edge tries an apron run, ducking D-Von's clothesline...and unfortunately running into Bubba Ray's boot to the face. Bubba Ray takes Edge's head to the STEEL steps - why not put him through a table now? Because there's ten minutes left in the show, I suppose. Right, right, back in for D-Von - and now Booker gets the tag. Open stomp. T with a chop. Arm wringer...Edge reverses...T reverses back and connects with a back heel kick. Head to Bubba Ray's boot - tag to Bubba Ray. Open shot to the ribs. Right. Bubba Ray is screaming a lot. Another straight right. Choke on the second rope, knee in the back. Snapmares him over - kick between the shoudlerblade. Dropped headbutt - off the ropes with an elbowdrop. Double axehandle to the chest. Edge fires back to the gut - right, right, Dudley strikes him down again. D-Von in - into the ropes, double flapjack. D-Von covers - ha ha, who had D-Von in the "first guy to forget there are no pinfalls in this match" pool? Right hand, tag to Bubba Ray - scoop...and a slam. Bubba Ray is on the second rope - oh no, it's the dreaded SENTON THAT NEVER WORKS!! Bubba Ray has his "why do I ever TRY that move?" face on. Both men down - tag to Christian! Right hand for Bubba Ray, right hand for D-Von as he comes in, right hand for Booker T before HE can come in - ducks a swing from Bubba, floats into a snap Slop Drop, ducks a swing from D-Von and floats THAT into the perpendicular backbreaker - T coming in again, which brings in *Angle* - HE knocks him out of the ring and follows. Christian and Edge have Bubba - BIG double suplex! Whip is reversed on the outside and it's Angle going into the steps. Christian brings in a table - he and Edge set it up. But they've taken too long - Bubba Ray with a gutshot to Edge, and dumping him outside the ring - Christian doubles over when D-Von's trick knee acts up - 3D (Dudley Death Drop) takes Christian through the table...and out of the match. (5:24) As referee "Blind" Earl Hebner tries to clear the remains of the table out of the ring, Edge is back up...and coming off the rop with a double clothesline to both Dudleyz! Edge off the ropes - oops, he picked the side Booker T was standing on, so he shouldn't be TOO surprised when he finds himself tripped up and getting pancaked. T back in the ring - right hand, chop, kick (Chef Boyardee Double Feature of Christian's elimination)
stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp - dirty look for Angle... Edge put in the
ropes...duck, powerslam attempt fails, Edge down the back and hits the
Edge-O-Matic! Bubba Ray comes in - Edge ducks his clothesline and keeps
running until he hits D-Von with a forearm. Bubba Ray manages a cheap
shot on Angle, though, then turns back to catch Edge with a hot shot.
Bubba Ray outside and bringing a table in - Angle over to take Bubba Ray
into the barricade, while inside the ring D-Von gets the table up. Edge
hits the SPEAR! on D-Von...but Booker T surprises him with a spinebuster
through the table! (7:15) Well, it's Angle alone
now...let's see if he steps up. Right hand for Bubba Ray on the floor,
back in - right for T, right for D-Von, right for T, right for D-Von,
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" for a returning Bubba, right, right,
but D-Von manages to get one in - make that three. Stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, T joins him for a double stompdown. Bubba Ray pulls him to centre,
then drops a forearm. D-Von drops a forearm. T asks them to go outside,
and let him have him alone. Scoop...and a slam. T off the ropes with the
kneedrop. Tag to Bubba Ray. Scoop...and a slam. "Now you die!" D-Von
with "What are you doing?" "D-Von!" "What?" "Let's get the damn
tables." Booker T takes the chance to get in a bitchslap or two as the
table it put in - the Dudleyz stay on the outside while T gets it ready.
T has him in the front face and is going for the suplex...but Angle
blocks! Another block! Third attempt - it's ANGLE with a suplex! Both
Dudleyz come in - and they both get forearms for their troubles. Bubba
runs at him - backdrop over the top rope to the outside! Ducks a swing
from T - German suplex! D-Von put through the ropes! Angle goes outside
as well - right for D-Von - Angle takes the table out on the floor and
turns it ninety degrees. D-Von with a right - right, right, right...aha,
now I see why he set it up that way - D-Von runs at Angle, but he catches
him in a belly-to-belly overhead suplex - BUT THE TABLE DOESN'T BREAK!!
That'll ruin their plans. Bubba Ray comes over - forearm in the back -
again - open-handed slap - Angle fires back - now they're trading punches
- now it's Angle alone - and now Angle is back over to D-Von with a right.
Setting up that table again - a SECOND belly-to-belly overhead suplex
breaks that table. (11:10) Angle back in the
ring - Booker T ducks the clothesline - gutshot - off the ropes with the
axe kick! T breakdances back up, pissing off Ross completely. T with
some words for the crowd...and of he ends up walking into an OLYMPIC SLAM!
Unfortunately, he doesn't hit the table square, and THAT one doesn't break
Ross: "I wonder where these tables came from - Dudleyville, the
Dudleyville lumber company?" Bubba Ray back in - trying to set up the
table but one of the legs it toast - so he sets it up in the corner.
Angle back up - right, tossed through the ropes. T with a forearm to
Angle - but the whip is reversed and T makes SURE it breaks THIS time!
Angle's gonna get five jobs out of three people - two men left. Right for
Bubba Ray, Dudley fires back, Angle, Dudley, Angle, Dudley, Angle, Angle,
Angle, crowd chants "Angle" (!), whip attempt is reversed by Dudley,
pulled into a short clothesline but Angle ducks THAT...waistlock grabbed,
but Dudley's trick knee acts up. Dudley going for a clothesline - Angle
ducks but Hebner doesn't....ohhh he goes down. This is the cue for
NICK PATRICK to
amble out. Dudley chops Angle down - elbowdrop. Forearm to the head.
Dudley outside...and coming back in, bringing a table with him. Dudley
sets the table up - crowd chanting again - Dudley setting him up for the
powerbomb, but Angle slides down the back - forearm in the back - going
for the Olympic Slam - but Patrick moves the table out of the way! Angle
is unhappy, and Patrick senses it...he goes to hightail it, only to be met
outside the ring - head to the announce table! Again! Angle climbs onto
the table and clamps on the Anglelock on Patrick! But THEOLD STONE COLD is out and
sprinting over to the announce table - forearm in the back breaks up the
anklelock! Repeated forearms in the back by Austin - Angle rolled into
the ring - KICK WHAM STUNNER. Austin feeds him to Bubba Ray, who
powerbombs him through the table. No ref, but we'll assume the bell rings
They play *Austin's* music...but not for long, as KANE, JERICHO & THE APA are
out again - Austin hotfoots it through the crowd. Austin's music plays
again as our final shot is of Angle in the remains of a table...out like a
light. War Zone credits, WWF logo, see ya later!