QUICK QUOTE: WWF 12.89 (- .31, last year: 21 1/4)

LAST WEEK: Blah blah blah - well it IS kinda neat to see them sync up Rock's mouth with Vince and Shane's words

Opening Credits

It all flows from here - coming to you LIVE from the SOLD OUT First Union Center in Philadelphia, PA - 17,456 in the house and you and I on the computer screen - this PYRO is Transmitido en espanol SAP, but probably not at WWF New York - it's 30.7.1 and RAW IS WAR!

TONIGHT: Kurt Angle vs. Booker T for the WCW Championship!

TONIGHT: Undertaker & Kane (with Sara) vs. Dudley Boyz in a tables match!

TONIGHT: The Rock RETURNS! OH BOY!!

But first, it's TAZZZZZZZZZZ, accompanied by TOMMY DREAMER & IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL. Tazz hits the ring while Dreamer upends the commentary tabletop...and Paul stands atop it. "Mr. Dreamer, can you please escort Mr. Cole to the backstage area? So the message of the Alliance can finally be spread! Mr. Heyman, as per request of Stephanie, it seems as though your chair is vacant." MICHAEL KING COLE is duly escorted backstage. Thanks for coming out tonight, Tommy! "Wehehell, well, has the commentary on this show sucked without me or what, JR? Tazz, it's about time for you to tell everybody the truth - pull no punches, Tazz - let the bodies hit the floor!" "Ass hole!" "Tonight will be a historic night for the Alliance. Ya see, not just one but two things are gonna happen tonight, right here live on RAW. Number one, Booker T will YANK - YANK that WCW title from everybody's hero, Kurt Angle. And Booker will bring the WCW title BACK to the Alliance. And number two..." "Rock E!" "Number two, the most electrifying man...in sports entertainment today, the Rock, the Rock will come join the Alliance." Funny that he'd associate "the Rock" and "number two," but... "I personally guarantee it. Because--" But the Y2J countdown cuts him off...CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO is out. "I'm sure that you're absolutely excited that you finally get to hear the voice of the Alliance, but I am absolutely sick and tired of hearing the voice of you. So Tazz, would you PHLEEEEEZ SHUT THE HELL UP? And I know that you've got a big head because you're the star of the MTV series Tough Enough. Well Y2J thinks that you're better suited to being the star of another MTV series, Jackass! And tonight, I'm gonna kick the livin' hell outta yours, junior!" Jericho hits the ring...

TAZZ v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - ...and it's on - ducking a swing, flying jalapeno off the ropes, elbow, into the ropes is reversed, Tazz with a clothesline. Into the corner is reversed, Jericho off the ropes with the bulldog but Tazz ducks it, Tazzmission applied...but Jericho's trick knee acts up. Off the ropes, bulldog, Lionsault, 1, 2, 3. (0:32) How bad must Steven Richards be feeling?

The dressing room is loaded up with Rock memorabilia - T-shirts, standups, and a JUST BRING IT license plate on the lamp. Mr. McMahon's been doing the decorating... There's a knock at the door - it's Regal and Tajiri. Tajiri is decked out in Rock T-shirt, sunglasses, and carries a stack of pies. Tajiri gets a hardcore title shot tonight. Regal says he's always heard about how much the Rock enjoys pie, so he's brought some pies for him - cherry, apricot, apple and blueberry. "Well, you see Commissioner, that's a very good thought but you don't understand. The Rock likes a different kind of pie. Besides, it seems as though...this pie is missing a slice, Commissioner." Regal has Tajiri open his mouth - after he does his own version of the People's Eyebrow, he reveals that yes, there is pie in his mouth. Regal tells him to bugger off and go win the hardcore title. "You know, something about this doesn't fit. I don't think that pie and hardcore titles go very well together." "Do you know, years ago my mother used to say the exact same thing over pints of Guiness." That joke either went totally over my head, or it wasn't there at all.

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: ROB VAN DAM v. TAJIRI - Champ enters first because Paul needs to stand on his chair and hit the RVD pose...because it isn't enough that van Dam does it, I guess. van Dam kicks the air. Tajiri with some tumbling runs. van Dam with the splits jump. I guess this is a feeling out process. NOW they lock up - side headlock by Tajiri...powered out by van Dam, drops down into the splits as Tajiri comes off the ropes - Tajiri cartwheels over him. van Dam ducks a clothesline and grabs a waistlock - Tajiri with the standing switch, armdrag takeover, elbowdrop misses, somersault senton by van Dam misses, Tajiri's spin kick misses, van Dam also misses a spin kick, and then they both kick, effectively blocking each other. Crowd digs it. van Dam decides to hit his pose...so Tajiri hits him on the button with a thrust kick. Ha! van Dam rolls out...Tajiri onto the apron, but van Dam sweeps his leg out from under him. van Dam quickly back in the ring - slingshot over the top into a guillotine on his way to the floor! Referee "Blind" Jack Doan is out to count the cover on the floor - 1, 2, nope. Tajiri thrown back in - van Dam collects a chair and heads to the apron, stopping a bit too long to look to the crowd...Tajiri with a cartwheel kick into the chair! Outside to hook a leg - 1, 2, no. Tajiri goes for a SECOND chair - who keeps giving Lilian Garcia chairs? - and that one is put in the ring along with the first. Chef Boyardee provides the Double Feature. Everybody back in the ring. van Dam put in the corner - but he gets his boot up. van Dam vaults to the top rope...Tajiri shoves him into an uncomfortable position. Tajiri Tree-of-Woes him in the corner (Ross calling van Dam "Tajiri") - chair in the gut. Tajiri stacks both chairs against van Dam's face...then runs into a hard baseball slide dropkick into the chairs! 1, 2, kickout. Another Double Feature. Chop by Tajiri - chop - into the ropes, reversal, but Tajiri drops down with another handplant, springing off the ropes...into a van Dam waistlock - standing switch by Tajiri...NICE German suplex and bridge by Tajiri - 1, 2, no. Tajiri wants the suplex but van Dam blocks - van Dam trying a suplex but Tajiri escapes down the back - van Dam tries a clothesline but Tajiri catches that arm, applies a hammerlock, laces a leg, rolls him over, places his OTHER leg over van Dam's neck and keys the lock! Nifty submission move, if only I knew what it was called...of course, Tajiri only holds it for about ten seconds, so in the end it seemed kinda pointless. Whip into the ropes is reversed, Tajiri goes under and tries a crucifix...van Dam manages to counter the leverage, rolling forward with the Finlay slam, then continuing his momentum to the ropes - and off with a second rope moonsault! He kinda completely missed him but still gets 2. Lightning legdrop - chair on top of Tajiri - Fivestar frog splash onto the chair! van Dam hurt himself, too....but he's still able to make it over to get the 1, 2, 3. (4:23) Replays of the frog splash

To the Alliance locker room, which ALSO displays an awful lot of Rock paraphernalia...ooh, THEY bought BALLOONS! This was apparently Austin's idea - it's what a Champion's Champion would do. Austin proudly displays a cooler with the Rock logo on it. Debra comes in - she made some cookies for the Rock! "BOY the smell good!" "You want some?" "I'm dieting, really." Booker T enters the shot. "What the hell's going on here, man? I got a big match tonight!" "Don't worry about the Rock - he's with us!" Nick Patrick arrives, telling them a limousine's been spotted. Shane and Stephanie leave - Patrick declines an offer of cookies as well. Austin is in the middle of giving T a pep talk when he grabs a cooky...and goes through a variety of facial expressions after taking a bite. Austin covers for him. "Yeeeeah okay, go ahead champ, they're pretty good, ain't they?" T shrugs off seconds....in fact, it looks like his stomach is ALREADY planning revolt...

The Dudley Boyz (who are no longer WWF superstars - oops) enjoy Chef Boyardee Big Beefaroni...despite the fact that they have no can opener\

It's the WWF Live - and tickets are on sale Saturday for Dallas, Austin, and Pittsburgh for Unforgiven!

We catch up with Vince when we return. "No, I'll be right back, I'm in a hurry. The Rock's on his way; I wanna greet him." Vince...is WALKING! Big Show stops him. "Hey Mr. McMahon! You know what, I need to talk to you. I've been looking all over for you." "Not right now, Show, I'm in a big hurry." "I understand, it'd just take a couple seconds. Please. Now as you know, I'm the marketing genius that came up with the BIG SHOW with the arrow pointing down. You know it's got a dual meaning. This thing is selling out - you can't keep this thing on the shelf, it's selling so fast." "I understand--" "That's part of me. Also, Billy Gunn and I are teaming up together, and I've got a couple of names I'd like to run by you, see what you feel, see if we're on the same wavelength." "I'm in a hurry, please--" "I understand. Just a coupla things. The first one I have is Show-Gunns - me the Big Show, and Billy Gunn using the names together." "I've got that one, I don't like it go ahead." "Ahh, that's kinda my favourite. Umm, there's also the Big Guns, 'cause we've both got big arms, now I'm trying to think of things we could sell... like maybe foam arms...or T-shirts...or maybe some kind of a calendar." "Right...right...right." Vince wants him to move it along. "There's another one, the Show-Bills, kind of a entertainment, cash thing...and then there's Big Billy Show Gunns, but I don't think that..." "Show, Show, Show! Right now, I don't give a damn if you call yourselves Double Trouble, Crap on a Stick! Now excuse me!" Off he goes. "Heeeey....Double Trouble! That's got potential! That's got zip! That's got zang! That's it! Double Trouble, yeah! Right on!"

Your hosts are LARRY KING & IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL. Paul tells us why he's here.

Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! where Angle's challenge of Austin led to a WCW Championship match....and a new champion. I hope you read the SmackDown! report

Michael King Cole stands with Angle backstage. Tonight, he's got a no disqualification rematch - is his reign in jeopardy? "Jeopardy? Michael, you know who called me the other day? Mary Lou Retton. Oh that's right - little Mary Lou, who hasn't been seen since 1984, was so inspired by my win, she had the confidence to show herself to show herself in public again. And that's what this is all about - confidence. I'm confident that I can beat Booker T. And do you know why? Because I'm better than him! And Booker T, I couldn't believe you. After I beat you, you were CRYING? If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a man who cries after he loses! It's okay if you cry after you win, but if you lose, and then you cry...you're nothing but a two-time loser! And speaking of losers, there's another guy that I KNOW that I'm better than...and that's Stone Cold Steve Austin. And Stone Cold...I'm a better athlete than you...I'm a better competitor than you. Heck, I'm even a better singer than you! Which is why I have the confidence to challenge you to a match at SummerSlam for the World Wrestling Federation title - a match in which I intend to bring the WWF title back home to where it belongs. And that's not a wish - that's not a promise, oh no - that, my friend, is true." Yikes, Angle needs to exercise some neck control - he's a human Bobble Head doll out there.

Outside, Shane, Stephanie, and a gaggle of photographers await the Rock's limousine. There's Vince, too - words are exchanged. Shane runs to open the door of the limousine...but Chris Kanyon comes out, thinking all the hoohah is for him. Everybody quickly scatters, leaving him alone - and crestfallen. Vince has a big laugh at Shane's expense on the way out.

UP NEXT: Matt Hardy & Lita vs. Hurricane Helms & Torrie Wilson!

The Fram Slam of the Week comes from last night's Heat - Torrie & Stacy DON'T strip, so Jackie strips them. Then Jackie proves that she's Tough Enough...by NOT stripping. Or something.

MATT HARDY & LITA (with RAW is WAR is brought to you by Warner Brothers' American Outlaws, Lugz, and Burger King!) v. HURACAN HELMS & TORRIE SAMUDA in wicked, worldly intergender action - I think Drowning Pool must be slipping Paul a few bucks every time he says "let the bodies hit the floor." The women are gonna start - call a friend, QUICK. Lockup, fireman's carry by Lita into an armbar. Back to their feet - arm wringer...Wilson rakes the eyes. SHE hits an arm wringer - Lita reverses and pulls her into a clothesline. 1, 2, no. Scoop...and a slam. Lita off the ropes - but too close to Helms, who yanks on her hair, taking her to the mat. Somehow, referee "Blind" Teddy Long misses all of this. Paul said it AGAIN! STOP THAT! While Long works to keep Hardy out of the action, Helms comes in - he and Wilson team up on a double suplex on Lita (!) and Wilson gets 2. Chef Boyardee calling with the Double Feature. In the corner, kick by Wilson, kick, choke on the second rope. Torrie keeps looking to Helms - looks like they're just incorporating blatant spot calling into the story, as Helms exaggerates the next move he wants her to make. Wilson going for a scoop slam, but Lita goes down the back and hits an inverted DDT - both ladies are down. Matt leads the crowd in a litle rhythmic clappin - tag to Helms, HOT TAG to Hardy - Hardy with a clothesline, clothesline, sidewalk slam, hooking the leg for 2. Into the corner, dropping on all fours for a boosted clothesline from Lita (that cheater). Wilson in - Hardy blocks the swing, whips HER into the opposite corner, and down again on all fours for a boost on Lita's clothesline. Lita kicking away on Wilson - Helms with a surprise neckbreaker after countering a bodyslam attempt. Helms over to toss Lita through the ropes to the outside. Long: "Thirty seconds!" Hmm, I predict it'll be over in thirty seconds. Going for the Gregory Smack, but Hardy catches it and spins him around to take Lita's 'rana from the top. Matt on the second rope for the ahhhhhhhhhhdrop - cover - but Wilson comes over to break it up - Lita back into the fray - everybody's got everybody's hair - Lita puts Torrie to the mat - Hardy with a gutshot, ("TORRIE!") and the ("Herewego") Twist of Fate - I think Torrie was supposed to uppernut him before he could land that, but she left the ring, so he had to finish the move. Back in too late - now Hardy walks over to her, and she dutifully lands the jewel punch. Helms pops up (from Hardy's finish - bad show), and rolls up Hardy with the small package - 1, 2, 3. (3:25) Hey, that was FORTY-TWO seconds. I blame Torrie - it seems like the unfair thing to do, after all.

"Yeah. I don't think I need to say a lot to you, Booker, do I. A picture's worth a thousand words, so...what's this?" "'sgold." "What's this?" "Gold!" "That's right, Booker, it's championship gold, and you know what? You ain't got none. Yeah, you know why? Because last Thursday night against Kurt Angle, you're spinnin' around on your head like a damn top." "Spinaroonie!" "Whatever you wanna call it. You can't do that with Kurt Angle, he's a dangerous human being. What are you thinking? ... What's wrong with you?" "I don't know, man, I got butterflies for some reason." "Your stomach?" "Yeah man, I feel about ten pounds heavier." "You can beat this man, Booker. You ain't got butterflies. (looks back) Your stomach's bothering you because o' them stupid cookies Debra made. What are you thinking, eatin' 'em?" "Why don't you tell me!" "You reached over and snatched one so damn fast I couldn't stop ya! Last time I had three or four o' those, I crapped for three days straight. But look at me, you didn't have but one or two - you're gonna be fine! Maybe it is butterflies...but it's no disqualification, Booker! Go out there and cheat, bend the rules, break the rules - it don't matter, no DQ is right up your alley. If I had my geetar, I'd sing you a song that'd fire you up and you'd kill that man and you know what, you'd have your championship gold back." "I'm already fired up!" "All right, then you go out there and you make an example out of Kurt Angle. This is the last time - become a champion like Stone Cold Steve Austin."

NEXT: Kurt

"Lita: My Hips Just Feel Right" video ad

Local spot hypes SummerSlam

Tough Enough ad - Kurt Angle is gonna appear, I guess, since he's in the ENTIRE ad

LOOK! It's WWF New York!

TEST is inside. He's still pissed off about getting beat up a few weeks back, but he's had a chance to cool off. Shane's a friend, but it's all about loyalty - and he proclaims his to the WWF. Then he mentions the Rock. See ya in another month or so, Test!

WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: KURT ANGLE v. NAPPY T (with Shane Can't Dance) with no disqualifications - Champ enters first because that's all the rage these days. Then he doesn't even stay in the ring, opting to meet T out on the ramp - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right, right, right, whoops some W/ECW MEMBERS ARE OUT - they begin by attacking black ninja style, so Angle is able to punch them away one by one, but eventually they get the idea to attack en masse - this is more successful. Whip into a GORE! GORE! GORE! Now the WWF LOCKER ROOM empties and it's all broken down outside the ring. The REFS & OFFICIALS trundle out in an attempt to get things broken up, but they're not meeting with much luck. Shane and Booker have opted to hide behind the barricade. Somebody decides it's a good idea to take an ad break at this point. Wow...the good old ad break. Who'da THUNK it?

When we come back, Moments Ago gives Paul another chance to say GORE! GORE! GORE! This match STILL hasn't started...apparently

WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: KURT ANGLE v. NAPPY T (with Shane McMahon, RAW Credits, transmitido en espanol SAP, TV-14-DLV and CC boxes) - Angle hasn't moved too much during the ad break, we are told. T drops Angle on the barricade. T winds up for the knife-edge chop. Rolled into the ring. FINALLY the opening bell sounds. T with a kick - another big kick. Angle pops up - right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Angle ducks, gutshot, into the ropes, clothesline! He's FIRED UP! Into the corner - belly-to-belly overhead suplex out! Right, right, right, right, right - Shane is in the ring...Angle turns around and Shane hightails it. Angle turns back - and eats a Harlem sidekick. "Shane's a pussy" chant. T lifts Angle up - and chops him. RIght by Angle, right by T, right by Booker, right by Angle, Angle, Angle, waistlock...but T's trick knee acts up. Ross says the low blow may be a prevailing move tonight. T with a short clothesline...for 2. T snapmares him over - off the ropes with the big, big kneedrop. Why go on and on about the lowblow? This is a no DQ match! Arm wringer - Angle reverses to one of his own - T reverses back and hits a back heel kick to punctuate it - leg is hooked - 1, 2, no! T is unhappy with referee "Blind" Earl Hebner's cadence. Angle trying to come back - right, right, T with a knee. Scoop...and a slam. Cover - 2. T to the headlock.

Backstage, the Hardys are brawling with Helms & Credible...we see Austin run by, and follow him...here comes Angle

Cut to another outside camera. Looks like a truck was left running - Austin drives off, leaving Angle behind.

TONIGHT: Tables match - Undertaker & Kane with Sara vs. Dudley Boyz!

TONIGHT: The Rock RETURNS!

Moments Ago, Five Paragraphs Ago - then, Three Paragraphs Ago

Coming back "live," Angle is WALKING! He finds.... "Debra. Mrs. Stone Cold. Where ya going? You going back to the hotel to give your husband a little snack?" "No, I made these for the Rock." "Oh that's nice. You know what I'm gonna do, Debra? You know what I'm gonna do to you? I'm gonna do something to you that your husband doesn't have the guts to do....I'm gonna tell you the truth." He takes a bite..and spits it out. "These cookies SUCK! And your husband sucks, too! And I want you to give him a little message. The next time you see him, you tell him, when I see him in the ring...I want you to consider this cooky one of your husbands ankles." And he snaps it. "Oh, it's true."

KING EDGE & CHRISTIAN (with trophy - and Chef Boyardee presents SummerSlam!) v. LANCE STORM & CHRIS KANYON - They're proclaiming the Compaq Center "sold out" now - it ain't, but it's probably close. Storm may have entered second, but he STILL wants some mic time! "If I can be serious for a minute...now look, you two. Nobody enjoys a good party more than I do. But your constant lack of seriousness and insistence for offbeat shenanigans have left me no choice but to--" Edge & Christian strike, ensuring Storm can't finish. Storm rolls out while Edge and Kanyon stay in - whip into the ropes, big flapjack. Right, into the ropes, Viscera kick. Tag to Christian - into the ropes, double hiptoss. Christian covers - 1, 2, no. Kanyon with a knee, right, running at him but Christian hot shots him - shoulderblock off the ropes. Storm in - duck, Christian right, right, right, perpendicular backbreaker for Kanyon - 1, 2, Storm to break it up but Christian moves aside and Storm takes out his own partner with the elbowdrop! Edge in - all four men brawling in opposite corners - Storm and Kanyon whipped into a collision! Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda tries to get Edge back in his corner - behind his back, Kanyon manages a crucifix...and Storm dropkicks Christian into a cover for his partner - 1, 2, no. Elbowdrop by Kanyon, elbowdrop, tag, held open for the kick.

In the dressing room, Shane and Stephanie pour champagne on Booker T (hey, that's the Rock's champagne, isn't it?) - but the celebration is cut short when Kurt Angle comes in and starts wailing on everybody. Palumbo and O'Haire tie up Angle long enough for Booker T to make an escape...Angle is out after him...

And now it's time for a visit to Kane's kitchen (along with some incorrectly placed title graphics)! Man, EVERYBODY's got a cupboard full of cans of Big Beefaroni these days....oh, he can't eat it because of his mask! Shrug!

Vince is unhappy, but brightens when Regal brings news that the Rock's limo is here. How can Regal be sure? Well, the license plate says ROCKY 1. "That's the car *I* sent for the Rock!" It's taken as a good sign that Rock would ride the limousine that Vince had provided. They leave to meet the car...

TITLE FOR TITLE: BILLY KIDMAN v. X-PACTOR - Kidman strikes before the bell and we be jammun. Kick, forearm to the back, right, right, right by X-Pac, right, right, knee by Kidman - into the ropes is reversed, X-Pac ducks (and sucks), but Kidman manages a huracanrana counter. Kidman off the ropes - X-Pac shoots him over the ropes to the floor! HE'S gonna fly - off the ropes with a tope con hilo! Chef Boyardee says "See it again!" X-Pac chop, forearm, chop, chop - running at Kidman, but he dumps him over his head and into a crotchin' on the post! Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman continuing to count - Kidman back in to break it - and back out. Head to the barricade. Back in the ring - slingshot guillotine legdrop - 1, 2, kickout. Gutshot by X-Pac, right, right, right, off the ropes...but Kidman hits a spinebuster. Kidman outside...and going to the top floor. Big splash MISSES! X-Pac is fired up - kinda - ducks a clothesline, spinning heel kick lands. Another heel kick. Into the ropes - Kidman wants the huracanrana but X-Pac powerbombs him - HE POWERBOMBED KIDMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! - 1, 2, NO! Kidman shoved into the corner - broncobuster actually works. X-Pac going outside as Kidman rolls away - Kidman dropkicks X-Pac in mid-splash attempt...for 2. Into the ropes, head down, kick by X-Pac. Scoop...Kidman on the shoulders, but he manages to drop down into his inverted Pedigree - 1, 2, X-Pac manages to roll it backwards into a pinning predicament of his own - 1, 2, NO! Kidman takes X-Pac to the corner - going for a tornado bulldog but X-Pac counters in midair, turning it into a slam. X-Pac is up first - and up to the top - Kidman crotches him AGAIN. Right hand, climbing up - X-Pac with a gutshot - super X Factor! That'll do it - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new WCW cruiserweight champion - he also happens to be the WWF light heavyweight champion. (3:56) It's a

Outside, Regal tells Vince he never doubted for a moment that the Rock would come back to the WWF. Here come Stephanie and Shane to smell it. Vince points out the ROCK 1 license plate - the Rock's in his car. The photographers assemble as Vince opens the door...and Howard Finkel pops out, saying he misread the directions and the Rock left the hotel before he got there. Stephanie and Shane decide that Vince has spent too much time kissing the Rock's ass - THEY'RE gonna meet Rock in the ring. Vince decides that he too will wait for the Rock in the ring. Regal says he'll hang outside and keep an eye on things.

"RAW" Magazine ad

The Philly skyline looks something like this

Commentators talk a bit about DDP

Let Us Take You Back to RAW Last Week When Taker Chaired His Wife, Allegedly By Mistake

JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with the Dudley Boyz. Is there any truth to the rumour that they're INSISTING on putting Sara through a table? Bubba says there's a very good chance Taker will bring his wife to the ring. Why didn't she leave her home where she belongs? D-Von says she ain't safe at home. How about leaving her backstage? Oh, but DDP is around. Maybe leave her with security? No, that doesn't work. Well, he'll have to bring her to the ring! Testify. Coachman is left wondering what he was doing there besides keeping me from asking "why are they having this conversation in front of a camera?"

Hey, look! It's the Spectrum's statue of Rocky! Hey, look! We pan down to see a real, live Rocky! And - YES! - HE CAN STILL DO THAT THING WITH HIS EYEBROW! How - How'd the cameraman know he was THERE?

What's the BEST thing about "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back?" That's right...soundtrack appearance for The Time

It's the WWF LIVE - catch it the next eight days in Washington, San Diego, Anaheim, and Los Angeles!

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. FUN BROTHERS (with Mrs. Taker) in a tables match - Keep in mind, this isn't a "tag team table match," so the first guy (not team) to go through determines the fall. It's fine distinctions like this that make me the GREATEST RECAPPER ALIVE. I think. The Dudz decide to head out of the ring...Kane & Taker go in, and right out and it breaks out on the floor - referee "Blind" Nick Patrick has no luck getting any order out of this. Taker puts Bubba Ray into the commentary table while Kane rolls D-Von in (ringing the opening bell) - Right hand, into the corner, sidewalk slam as he comes out. Taker is giving Bubba Ray a beatdown of epic proportions on the outside. Kane misses with the elbowdrop.

"I'm on my way to the ring right now - just make sure - just make sure that the Rock gets the proper treatment when he pulls up in the parking lot. I'm on my way to the ring, yeah. It's gonna be big - REAL BIG!" Vince - OH MAN - he's WALKING!

Meanwhile, Shane and Stephanie - are - WALKING!

Outside, a white limousine pulls up - those paparazzi ain't gonna be stymied THIS time - it *is* the Rock - and he - is - WALKING!

Tough Enough ad - all Kurt Angle, no Bahamas

MR. McMAHON heads to the ring for our.....main event. Right behind are SHANE CAN'T DANCE & STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT, making a big rhythmic show of their SENSUAL saunter down the aisle. Man, in three minutes I can change channels and watch a rerun of "the Simpsons!" Crowd chants "Rock E." Mics are handed out to Vince and Shane...IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLL oh boy, they retooled his music AGAIN. WHY? One corner for the Rock. Two corners for the Rock. Crowd likes Rock a heck of a lot more than I do. All three McMahons applaud as well. Rock's finally off the ropes. What happens next? Shane's first. "Yeah, Rock, that feels great, doesn't it? But Rock, allow me to take you back down memory lane - let me get right into this. Because, remember Rock, the last time you were in the World Wrestling Federation, you were screwed by that man....right there. Rock, let me take you back." Rock prefers to walk around.

I wonder if Angle ever caught up with Booker T or Austin.