WWF RAW is WAR
TONIGHT: Oh, Canada! Rob van Dam & Rhyno team to take on Chris Jericho &
Jeff Hardy, and if that match looks familiar, you can't tell Jeff Hardy
from the Rock...who, by the way, takes on Christian's challenge in a WCW
title match - all you need to do is sit through five more minutes of the
Star Trek Marathon - now can U dig it
Speaking of Star Trek, I know everybody's a big fan of IV and all, but I still think I enjoy watching VI the most.
Also, these "inside the character" pieces hyping Star Trek: The Next Generation REALLY, REALLY suck. I could have made *hours* of "Trek This Week" public access goodness available and it would have been a lot more entertaining AND informative! But we all know that all these authors have this incest thing going with Paramount, and....oh sorry, I heard that I was talking too much about non-wrestling stuff by people who couldn't SKIP A PARAGRAPH
TV-14-DLV - CC - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
It's been a tumultuous time for Kurt Angle and Steve Austin - over the past week, Austin has relieved Angle of his medals...and thrown them into the river. Time for Angle to strike back? We'll find out - NEXT
PYRO PYRO PYRO - we are LIVE from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, ON, and 18,019, you and me are transmitidio en espanol SAP on TSN and TNN - BELIEVE IT, this is the WWF, and in the WWF, RAW IS WAR!
TONIGHT: Rob van Dam & Rhyno take on Chris Jericho & a returning Jeff Hardy!
Wow! They managed to fill WWF New York!
TONIGHT: The Rock puts the forty pounds of gold and diamonds on the line against Christian!
TAKER (on his beautiful mumble mumble bike) v. TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST - I am shocked - SHOCKED - that Albert isn't coming out as the opponent in this match. And yet, knowing that Test was the other half of T&A...well, that's a stretch actually. Let's watch. Lockup, Test pushes him to the corner - referee "Blind" Mike Chioda gets the clean break but Test sneaks in one more shove. Lockup, again Test gets the advantage - Chioda breaks it up one more time - Test again gets in the shove, but this time Taker shoves back. Back to the clench, side headlock by Test...Taker to the ropes, powering out, shoulderblock by Test. Off the ropes, up and over, Taker with a hiptoss. Taker with an armdrag (!) and even Ross is amazed. Test with a gutshot, right, into the corner is reversed and Test hits hard...but puts up the elbow. Taker with the drop toehold...into an STF!! Holy shit Taker is awesome! Test grabs the bottom rope - Taker won't break until 4, and even then he chases Chioda out of the ring with a threatening look. Taker turns back - and eats a big-time clothesline from Test. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Stomp. Right hand. Right, big back elbow, kick, right, elbow. Test pouring it on - into the opposite corner, sidewalk slam as Taker comes out - 1, 2, no. Right hand by Test, into the ropes, head down, Taker with a forearm in the back. Kick by Taker, soupbone, into the opposite corner...Test gets the elbow up again - Test with a second rope elbow smash - 1, 2, Taker's out. Side Russian legsweep by Test. Got him by the hair - a SECOND Russian legsweep. Again, he's got him by the hair - the crowd is starting to come together for the Taker, though - a third attempt is blocked - Taker grabs the leg and rolls down with a legbar! Test grabs the bottom rope. Test with a gutshot as they're back to their feet. Soupbone response. Right hand - soupbone - right hand - soupbone, soupbone, soupbone - soupbone. Test manages a knee in the gut - off the ropes, Taker ducks the clothesline and hits a flying clothesline of his own. Clothesline in the corner - into another corner - scooped up on the shoulder, snake eyes - clothesline off the ropes. High sign given - is it time for the Last Ride? Nope, out runs...STEVEN RICHARDS? That's a Stevenkick - and that's a (DQ 4:56). Richards stands over Taker and delivers the badmouth...Taker pops him one from his back but Richards escapes before Taker can get back to his feet - Test adds a Wotsitolla Boot to punctuate the beatdown - Taker is left laying as Richards smiles...and Test's music plays ('cause he lost). Has Richards joined the Alliance? Heyman doesn't know...or isn't tellin'.
Earlier Today, Christian complained about the trappings of celebrity to an usher. He pointed to the oncoming couple as an example - they ask the usher for directions to their seats, then suddenly recognise... "Oh my God, it's Edge's brother!" Turns out they have front row seats - Christian tells the usher to get those reek-a-zoids out of the front row, because after he defeats the Rock for the WCW title, lots of people will want to take pictures, and he doesn't want any ugly people in the front row marring the photos. "Dude, I'm proud to be Canadian and all, but there are a lot of UGLY people in Toronto." Hey, he can't talk about my FAVOURITE city like that!
OH BOY! Star Trek AND Star Trek II after RAW!
Tix on sale for the WWF LIVE! Saturday, you can purchase tickets for Atlantic City, Toledo, and St. Louis for No Mercy!
Moments Ago, four paragraphs ago
During the Break, MICHAEL KING COLE caught up with an attempting-to-escape Richards. What's the dealio? "It's quite simple, Michael. Just open your eyes and see. Out of all people that were unsuccessful in disbanding the RTC, only one person was successful, and that person is lying in the centre of that ring - the Undertaker. You act and look so surprised that I would make him my very first casualty tonight - well here's another surprise for you. Tomorrow night on SmackDown!, I challenge the Undertaker to a one-on-one match. I gotta go..."
Here's a look at the outside of the Air Canada Centre - the scenic Toronto skyline - and the SkyDome. It's official - WrestleMania XVIII's site.
Hey! JEROME WILLIAMS & VINCE CARTER in the house!
Earlier Today, the WrestleMania site announcement press conference took place - It's X8 at SkyDome. Wow, Mike Harris managed to look like a complete idiot even given one short soundbite. Wait - so Toronto has a "premier" AND a mayor? Crazy. Taker, Rock, and Jericho also give soundbites. Tix on sale 3 November - WMX8 takes place St. Patrick's Day 2002!
Tajiri chats with Regal - Regal feels dreadful about what happened to Tajiri against Storm, but he told him he couldn't trust that tart Torrie - then he calls her a...sounded like "shlapper?" and that's a new one on me. Regal says he's made it up to him, though, by using his influence to get him a #1 contender's match for the WWF tag team titles against the Dudley Boyz. Who has he picked as his partner? Tajiri welcomes the Big Show to the commissioner's office. Show delivers the ten words of Japanese that he knows, and they take off. "Mind your head! Well, I suppose this is a ...bigger deal than I thought!" Regal chortles at his pun...then realises nobody else is around, AND that it wasn't THAT funny...and changes his facial expression to match.
Meanwhile, Mr. & Mrs. Austin are WALKING! Austin is talking about Canadians. "Eh? Eh? Eh? What's the deal with that, huh?" Austin enters his dressing room to a SURPRISE! fromt eh Alliance. Stephanie delivers a big speech, but as I'm still on vacation you don't get a transcript. She proclaims Austin's actions on Thursday "life-altering." Austin says he didn't just do it for himself - he did it for every member of the Alliance. "I've said it before - I appreciate how much you appreciate me. And I know that I'm your hero, I'm the Wind Beneath Your Ring. And all that, that's fine. But y'all haven't seen Kurt, have you?" Stephanie says Angle is probably taking scuba diving lessons. Everybody laughs...then Austin laughs. "AAHHHHHHHH ha ha ha!" Stephanie says she, Debra, and the rest of the Alliance have another HUGE surprise for him later tonight. "I love you guys." "WE LOVE YOU, STEVE!" Everybody applauds...and we're out.
Tazz lifts another truck of Stacker 2 - damn, doesn't that guy have enough of that stuff yet?
And now, the JVC Giga-Tube presents the Blast of the Night! From SmackDown!, Tajiri falls to Lance Storm after a distraction from Torrie...
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW & TAJIRI in a #1 Contender's match - wow, anybody seen Billy Gunn lately? Tajiri makes the classic mistake of running ahead of the Big Show and hitting the ring to get completely pummelled - and tossed as Show hits the apron - the Dudleyz turn their attack to Show - into the ropes - Show with a double clothesline. Tajiri off the top with a missile dropkick on Bubba Ray - ducks a swing from D-Von - here we go, kick left right kick right left kick left right kick right left right left right left kick kick kick left right kick right left right, right, Bubba Ray running the apron and HE gets a kick, then an overhead kick to the back of the head to put him on the floor. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed, Tajiri leaps over the charge and puts D-Von in the Tarantula. D-Von staggers about...then takes a kick. Blind tag off the whip - Tajiri leaps over D-Von but takes a hot shot from Bubba Ray. D-Von with a clothesline. I guess they're gonna ignore that tag. Open-handed slap by D-Von, into Bubba Ray's boot - there's a tag. TORRIE SAMUDA is bouncing out - aha, run-ins in EVERY match tonight I guess - vertical suplex by Bubba Ray, elbowdrop, elbowdrop, double axehandle to the chest, 1, 2, no. In the corner, tag to D-Von, into the ropes, double flapjack. D-Von to the second rope...but the legdrop MISSES! Tajiri manages a seated dropkick. Crowd fires up - D-Von tags - Tajiri HOT TAG! Well it's a big clothesline. Well it's another. Well it's a big boot for D-Von. Well it's a big bodyslam for Bubba Ray. Well it's a big back body drop for D-Von. Bubba Ray in the choke...but D-Von lands a low blow to prevent the chokeslam. Tajiri comes in with a blind tag - GREEN MIST but Bubba Ray ducked and Show takes a full face...Show ends up elbowing Torrie off the apron to the floor (which the cameras pretty much miss), then the Dudleyz double clothesline Show out of the ring - Tajiri tries a whip (he should know better) but it's reversed - Tajiri attempts to avoid 3D by going down in a handspring elbow - D-Von ducks THAT and waits for Tajiri to come off the ropes - THEN they hit 3D. Bubba Ray covers - 1, 2, 3. I don't have to tell you both men were legal...but I just did. (3:21 Contact) Show carries Torrie back to the medical help - which confuses the Dudleyz a bit. With Show and Torrie out of the picture, Bubba Ray decides it's time for D-Von to get a table. Referee "Blind" Jack Doan is rather ineffective at stopping the superbomb through the table - Show is back out, but too late. Replay finally gets us a good look at Torrie taking the tumble - and one more shot of Tajiri going through the table.
Christian polishes up the King of the Ring Cup...and gets a visit from Shane McMahon and Booker T. Shane says that they're here to make sure that Christian doesn't get robbed of the WCW title like Booker did - so they're ready to offer their services tonight, to ensure a "fair" match. In return, Christian gives Booker his first title defense on SmackDown! "I can dig it." "Do you smell...what the Book is cookin'?" Christian breathes deeply. "I think I do."
SmackDown! LIVE ad
Kane again fails to eat any Chef Boyardee Big Beefaroni
Here's a look at WWF New York - where they STILL proudly display a SummerSlam ad
Inside is KANYON. He's proud to be at WWF New York as the US Heavyweight champion on a US holiday - Labor Day. Then he tells Austin how great he is.
In the Room of Fun, the Austins react to Kanyon's heartfelt speech. "That's right, did you hear what that man said about me? Did you hear that? That's why Kanyon has a future in the Alliance - that's why he's the US Champion. You know, some day, since I've taken him under my wing, maybe one of these...well, maybe one of these days, he ain't gonna get this thing from Stone Cold, but this kid's got a future." Austin leaps as the door opens...but it isn't Angle, it's Stephanie. "The hell are you doin', Steph? Do you mind knockin'? You scared the hell out of Debra! All due respect - yeah, I seen you jump - you're scared to death!" Stephanie apologises to Debra, then sings "Your surprise is getting closer!" "You know, speaking of Debra, I was talking to her a little while ago before you barged in and she was wondering, uh...you ain't seen Kurt Angle in the hallway, have you?" "I didn't ask that!" "You did too, a while ago." "No, I didn't!" "She said that." "Debra, don't be silly - don't be worried about Kurt Angle. There is NO chance that Kurt Angle would show up in the arena tonight. Every time Kurt Angle is face to face with Stone Cold Steve Austin, Kurt Angle gets BEAT DOWN. I know that if *I* were Kurt Angle, I wouldn't show up tonight." "Yeah. YEAH YOU HEARD HER, she ain't gonna show! The words she speaks are as true now as they were 500 years ago. What's Kurt gonna do? Every time we got a Monday Night RAW, he's gonna come get his ass whipped by Stone Cold Steve Austin? HELLO, I think he's smarter than that. Yeah! He ain't gonna show up so stop worrying. Why don't you run over there and fetch me a beer? I feel like celebrating a little early tonight. you're right." "I know, I mean, Steve, really, Debra shouldn't worry at all." "I think this is gonna be a night just for Stone Cold Steve Austin to kick back..." then he recoils at the beer fizzing...and chuckles meekly.
SHAWN STASIAK (with Stacy Keibler - and RAW is WAR is brought to you by Zippo, Chef Boyardee, and Starburst) v. SPIKE DAMN DUDLEY (with Molly Holly) - well at least they FINALLY dumped Stasiak's imitation music. Lockup, Stasiak shoves Dudley away. Kick, right, kick, right, stomp, stomp, stomp. Into the opposite corner, Dudley up and over...but landing on the shoulder. Stasiak spikes him. Stomp, stomp, calling a spot, off the ropes, Dudley ducks, Stasiak catches him...press - rep - drop. Overhand right, right, nudging him with his boot. Vertical suplex coming up - Spike back to his feet, elbow, off the ropes, ducks a swing from Stasiak, but Stacy ankles him down. Stasiak with a stomp. Into the corner...Stasiak going for the charge but managing to "trip" over his own feet. Dudley with a gutshot, and the Dudley 'dog - 1, 2, 3. (1:52) Everybody shares a hearty laugh - Stacy is in and swinging Spike around - shove - now MOLLY is in, spinning Stacy around, ducking a slap, throwing an elbow, whipping her into the corner (no mean feat, considering Stacy's in heels), then hits the tumbling run elbow on Stacy. Play the Dudleyz' music again!
Edge catches up with Christian just before he leaves - "hey, big night, huh? Looks like the Rock accepted the challenge? I tell you what - we've been through a lot of strange things recently, but I have to admit - it would still be totally awesome if you walked away with the gold tonight in our home town, T.O.!" "Yeah, dude - it would be awesome, and you know what? I know you want to come out there for support, I know you do, but this is something I gotta do on my own, man, I gotta win this thing by myself, you know? And...another thing, I've been thinking. This thing belongs to you, this trophy belongs to you, it says it right here - Edge - you're the King of the Ring, not me. I don't know what I was thinking, man, I'm soorry. But you know what? After I go out there and totally annihilate the Rock, and become the WCW Champion, just because my title might be a little more prestigious than yours...we'll always be brothers, man. I'll see you later, it's goldage time!" "All righty then...good luck..."
NEXT: The Rock - Christian - WCW Championship - ohhhh man it'll be sweet...dude
When we return, Saturn displays his ransom note for Moppy - he just doesn't HAVE $100K. "I know you're with the Alliance, but I don't know what to do, I figured you'd be good at something like this - if you could take a look at this and please help me find Moppy!" We pan right to see...Hurricane Helms. "You were wise to come to me, Citizen Saturn. For I will find the fiendish fiend who finagled your friend. Let me see this note. SO, the kidnappers want a hundred thousand dollars. Or a hundred grand. If I'm not mistaken, last week RAW was in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Seeing as the kidnapper didn't leave a name, they wanted their identity to be a secret...or mystery. And if my alphabet skills are correct, 'mystery' starts with M. That's M as in mystery, M as in Moppy, M as in...Matt Hardy. What's up with THAT?" "Matt, Matt, are you saying Matt Hardy knows something about Moppy?" "My Hurrisense is telling me that young Matt Hardy is not what he seems to be. Good luck Citizen Saturn!" And he flies away. "You're welcome!" And off in the opposite direction HE runs...
NAPPY T & SHANE CAN'T DANCE are out, presumably to protect the integrity of the upcoming WCW Championship match... T drops to one knee to get the mic presented to him by LILIAN GARCIA. "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest will be for the WCW title. Introducing first, your special guest ring announcer - he is none other than the five-time WCW Champion - ME - Booker T. And now, introducing the special...clock..." T turns to Brian Hebner. "What's the guy who time the thing, man? Timekeeper, timekeeper...introducing your special guest timekeeper for this evening will be...Shane McMahon. And now, the challenger. He is none other than your very own...Chrrrrrrrristian!"
WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRISTIAN v. THE ROCK (with RAW Credits, Transmitido en espanol SAP, TV-14-DLV and CC boxes) - Christian and Booker do the soul shake pre-match. "AND NOW, introducing the so-called WCW Champion...the man who wishes he was more talented than the Bookerman...the sucka whose gonna get his ass kicked all over Toronto...the--" and the music cuts him off. Rock is surrounded on three sides, but Booker and Shane are outside the ring, so of course he turns his back to the man IN the ring behind him. Rock runs at T, and Christian hits the forearm from behind to start it off. Shane, having forgotten he's the timekeeper, has to shout to the regular timekeeper "ding ding ding" to get the match started proper. Christian with another forearm, Rock rolls out as Christian stomps away the whole time. Hebner warns Christian, while behind his back Shane gets to punching and kicking. Christian out, Rock rolled back in. Christian with a thumbs up to Shane...and turning around to eat a clothesline from Rock. Right hand by the Rock. Into the ropes, reversed, T trips up Rock, distracting him, and Christian lands a clothesline. Rock nips up - right, right, right, whip, reversed, flying clothesline by the Rock. Right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Rock ducks the clothesline, but Christian lands the Viscera kick. Stomp, stomp. Christian brings Rock up, and throws him outside. Again, Hebner warns Christian about throwing men outside - while T drops Rock sternum first on the WCW belt on the commentary table. Christian outside - Rock's head meets the commentary table again. Head to the apron, right, right, Rock rolled back in - Christian back in - stomp, stomp, right - Rock back up, right, right, right, right, right, right is ducked, Christian from behind with the perpendicular backbreaker - 1, 2, no! Christian with the blatant choke. Stomp. Is it just me or is there vocal, VOCAL support for Christian here? Choke on the second rope. Hebner warning Christian again - and Shane with another uppercut. Rock comes back - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, Christian with a knee, right, right, off the ropes, Rock with the Samoan Drop. Both men are down and the count is on. Shane on the apron, so the ref dutifully walks over to tell him to please stay out of the match. Booker sliding the WCW Championship into the ring - Rock ducks the swing, though - Rock with a right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Christian goes down. Whip is reversed, reversed again, Rock with the belly-to-belly throw. Rock ducks a clothesline, gutshot, DDT, leg is hooked, 1, 2, Christian kicks out!! Christian rakes the face. Right hand, right...I think that's a "Christian" chant! Into the ropes, reversed, spinebuster by the Rock, into the Sharpshooter (big-time boos)...Christian is ready to tap..but Shane pulls Hebner out of the ring. Rock lets go of the hold and goes outside - right for Shane, right, right (he may have faked a spit in there) and Shane is down again. T up on the apron - Rock over - hot shot by T, Slop Drop by Christian - Hebner back in - 1, 2, NO!!! T up on the apron again and Hebner is over to chat - Christian with a right, right, right, right, whip, reversal, Christian collides with T - Rock ready - ROCK BOTTOM - 1, 2, 3. (5:41) While Rock poses, Christian quietly goes insane. T hasn't left yet...Rock looks his way - and requests he please just bring it - T in the ring - Rock right, right, right, Shane flies in with a forearm from behind. Rock goes down and T gets to pounding...and speaking of Always Pounding Ass, the APA are out - T and Shane go running, Shane actually trying to KILL himself by skipping across the commentary table, to the barricade, and out through the crowd. Left alone, Rock takes one more opportunity to pose.
WOW! It's an exciting DOOR! Stephanie is on the cel phone and Debra is alongside. Is it here? Debra and Stephanie squeal, 'cause it IS here. "Don't come out 'til we tell you to!"
Excess ad - Booker T will be in the house!
Kane tries again to eat beefaroni - man, he's got a short memory
And now, the Stacker 2 Burn of the Week! From SmackDown!, Austin tosses the medals off the side of the bridge. What?
The sounds of Drowning Pool bring out STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT. "You know everything about you Canadians is completely backwards. I mean you can't even form a simple sentence without ending it with a question. Let's take, for example, the very simple statement: 'My, Stephanie, you are looking dashing in that brand new outfit, eh?' I mean, the whole point of ending a statement with a question is just grammatically backwards. And another thing that's completely backwards is why would Canadians celebrate the holiday Thanksgiving? The last I recall, there weren't any Canadian pilgrims. I mean, I can understand Canadians wanting to be more like AMERICANS... but at least celebrate the holiday on the right day! Or even the right month, for that matter! And another holiday... ["slut!"]...another holiday that's completely backwards, is why would Canadians celebrate Labour Day? Today? Everybody knows that Canada is the laziest country in the world! And America is the hardest-working country in the world! And there's one American that works harder than every other - the man that I am out here to honour tonight - ladies and gentlemen, the hardest working man in America, the leader of the Alliance, the World Wrestling Federation champion, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!" And there he is. Austin hits all four corners. "Steve...this is such a proud moment for me, and it is for the Alliance, and especially your wife, Debra. Without further ado, allow me to show you your surprise - a BRAND NEW TRUCK! That's for you. We got you a truck." On the EntertainmentTron, Debra models the truck. "That's right, little honey, look what we have here - it's a brand new pickup truck. And I know you're just gonna love it, because...I did pick out the features, just for you, sweetheart. You know what, I think I need to tell you about the features. I think you're gonna be really excited over this. First of all, I mean look at the beautiful paintjob, I mean this is a magnificent paintjob on this truck. And, it has an antenna, I KNOW how you love to listen to the country music while riding around on the back roads of Texas - best of all, I mean I got it to match the truck - I love that! And of course, it has the mirrors in it, 'cause you know how you're always passin' people on the road, and that way you can look back at 'em, that's pretty funny. And, well, I did cheat a little bit, I added these chrome running boards just for myself, that way it's a little bit easier for me to get in the truck...but this is absolutely a gorgeous truck, don't you think? All right, we're gonna move inside, because I'm really excited over this, it has not one door but two doors, I think that'll be like a lot easier for us when we're travelling with our friends, and going different places. I also added power steering, and power brakes. That way, I think the truck will just handle a bit easier, I think you'll agree with me on that. All right, we'll move right along, and we'll talk about the six foot, pickup truck part, because I think it's gonna be really important that you can haul your beer and the animals and stuff on the farm, I think that's really important. And this is something that I was really proud about, it is the raised white letters on the tires - I, that is just a special little touch I think added to the truck, and the aluminum wheels - ahh, absolutely gorgeous. And this is the 4x4 off road, because I know how you love to hunt, and you love for us to go riding around, so I had to make sure it was a 4x4, because I know that was what you always wanted, so honey - why don't you come out of the ring, and why don't you take your sweet little wife here, for a ride...in your new pickup truck! Because I am so excited over this. So you need to come down...and take me for a ride in the pickup truck." Austin and Stephanie head out of the ring and up the aisle - WHY did I just type up Debra's entire spiel? Can't say no to Carrol Merrill! Heyman is moved. Ross: "I was thinking about a movement as well." Debra gives the truck a final spit shine while awaiting her husband... "Hey honey! Look!" "It's beautiful - it's beautiful!" Debra gets a hug. "Awww, you guys shouldn't have. I'm glad you did, but you shouldn't have! It's my favourite colour! I'm gonna put a Stone Cold license plate on it. I love the white letter tires. Hey, this ain't just leather interior, it's the fine Corinthian leather they talk about on TV. I love it! Four wheel drive, you know I like four wheel drive." Austin gets in the bed and jumps about. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you. Hey! Remember that movie Titanic? Watch this. I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!" At this point, Kurt Angle exits the WWF semi behind the truck and waffles Austin in the back with a lead pipe - Stephanie and Debra do a bit of screaming as Angle unloads a cement block with chain attached, and puts it in the truck. "Oh, you're going for a ride, Austin...but you're going with me!" Angle gets in the truck...and they peel out.
Your hosts are LARRY KING & IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL. They react to what we've seen just before the ad break. And in case you've forgotten, here's a look back at Moments Ago
MATT HARDY & LITA v. IVORY (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) and THE HURACAN in salty, Canadian intergender action - The gentlemen start - lockup, hammerlock by Hurricane, to a side headlock, Hardy elbows in the kidneys, powers out but Hurricane has the hair, back to the side headlock, Hardy backdrops him out. Helms with a pose and thumbs up - Hardy pops him one - mount, right, right, right, right. Into the corner, reversed, Hurricane ducks a swing, then puts him on the top buckle. "Hurricane" chant? Forearms in the back, pose (to cheers!) but Hardy back elbows him off the second rope. Hardy to the top - moonsault MISSES! Tag to Ivory - elbowdrop MISSES - tag to Lita! Lita ducks the swing, forearm in the chest, whip is reversed, Lita with a headscissors. Right by Lita, right, into the opposite corner, Ivory gets the elbow up - gutshot, Blowout, 1, 2, Lita kicks out. Right hand by Ivory, scoop...Lita back to her feet - Slop Drop. Both ladies down - crowd clapping...tag to Hurricane, tag to Hardy - Hardy ducks the clothesline, right, hiptoss, off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker - gutshot, Twist of Fate is averted when Ivory grabs the hair, but Lita is bowls HER over. Hardy with a scoop slam...up to the second rope for the ahhhhhhdrop - but before he hits THAT, PERRY SATURN is over to ask him where Moppy is. Hurricane puts the knee in the back, and Hardy collides with Saturn - Hardy turns back to take the Eye of the Hurricane (uncalled) - 1, 2, 3. (2:43) Lilian announces the winner as "The Hurricane" and completely forgets his partner. Saturn in the ring, asking Hurricane what's up - Hurricane offers the Hand of Friendship, and Saturn pulls him into a short clothesline and belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Now play Saturn's music!
Backstage, Christian sits in stunned disbelief as Edge catches up to him. "Hey, how ya doin'? You gave it your best shot. Maybe after tonight, we can go out and--" Storm arrives and interrupts. "Well well. Nice job, loser. You're almost as big of a loser as this city. At least you're keeping the streak alive - Toronto lost its bid for the Olympics, you lost your match, Edge here, you're making it three for three when you lose the IC title to me later tonight. I guess you guys are living proof, nothing good ever came out of Toronto. This whole place is pathetic." "You wanna know what's pathetic, Lance? Getting beat up by a midget is pathetic. Having the personality of a dried prune is pathetic. Being a thirty year old man who's never kissed a girl, now that's pathetic. But tonight, Lance, you're not going to have to worry about any offbeat shenanigans, because I am going to straight up kick your ass." "Yeah? ... .... Well, we'll see about that." "Yeah." Christian hasn't moved this whole time...
Catch the WWF Live, tomorrow in Toronto, Saturday in Dallas, Sunday in Austin, next week in San Antonio for RAW and next Tuesday in Houston!
Flanked by the Alliance, Debra and Stephanie talk to "Canadian police" on the phone - then we all turn to the monitor, where the intrepid WWF cameramen have caught up with Angle before the cops could. Does that truck have an Ontario license plate in the back? Angle has somehow had the time to blindfold and tie up Austin with the chains. "Nice new ride, Austin - I hope it wasn't too bumpy for ya! Now, that little stunt you pulled last week...throwin' my gold medals over a bridge? Do you think I could EVER forgive you for that? But you know what, Austin, I tell you what - it INSPIRED me to do something special for you." "It's over man, take the chains off." "You know what? I've spent two days - TWO DAYS here in Toronto, trying to find the perfect location for you." "What are you talking about? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" "I'll show you. Get your ass over here." "(beep) damn it." Angle removes the blindfold. "You see that, Austin?" "Kurt! Kurt! Just think about this!" "You think it's funny, don't you?" "I don't think it's funny! You son of ... I'm sorry." "What?" "I said I'm sorry." "What?" "I said I'm sorry." "What?" "I said I'm...you heard me." Angle actually gives Austin a slap on the back of his head Crowd: "Oooh!" "I tell you what, Austin...I'm gonna do the same thing to you...that you did to my gold medals." Austin screams a bit. "You crazy son of a bitch! Ahhhhh! God (beep) it! Kurt, Kurt, Kurt! Okay, it's over man, I'm sorry. Now don't you - you do not wanna do this." "What?" "You don't wanna do it, I promise you I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you, Kurt." "You're right, Austin, you're absolutely right." "Thank - thank you." "I don't wanna do this." "Okay, take the chains off." "You're right." "It's over." "I don't know what I was thinking... This bridge....isn't nearly high enough. Let's go Austin, time for another ride. Wooow!"
The Alliance reacts to this. Stephanie tells asks the Alliance members why they're just standing there...then shrieks something or other and they all scatter. I think it was "SOMEBODYDOSOMETHING!"
One more look at the Toronto skyline...ahh, pretty
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: LANCE STORM (with Clearasil brings you Unforgiven on the 23d!) v. KING EDGE - Storm doesn't even let Edge get one corner pose in before attacking from behind - right, right, right, Edge reverses positions, right, right, into the opposite corner, big back body drop out, clothesline, clothesline, whip into the ropes is reversed and Edge hits a flying headscissors that takes Storm outside. Storm finally back on the apron - right by Edge - suplex attempt blocked, *Storm's* suplex attempt blocked, Edge brings Storm back in, catches the kick, then catches the enzuigiri in the face...and goes over the top to the outside. Storm follows - head to the barricade. Edge rolled back in - Storm with a springboard forearm - 1, 2, nope. Edge's head meets the turnbuckle. Jawbreaker by Storm - nice dropkick - 1, 2, no. Storm runs Edge's face into the mat. "It's MY title!" Edge manages a gutshot, gutshot, right, off the ropes, Storm ducks, they collide in the middle on dueling crossbodys and both men are down. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts on the count as the crowd gets fired up. Storm up at 6 - right, Edge right, Storm blocked, Edge right, right, off the ropes with a shoulderblock, another shoulderblock, Viscera kick, 2 count. Storm reverses the whip, Edge hangs onto the hand and manages the Edge-O-Matic - 1, 2, kickout by Storm. Storm put into the ropes, head down by Edge, kick by Storm - superkick CAUGHT - gutshot by Edge, Buzzkiller attempt BLOCKED, Storm with a VICIOUS chop block. Right into the half crab!! Edge strains to reach the rope...but Storm pulls him back to the centre! Again Edge crawls to that bottom rope - so far away - pulls...and grabs it! Long puts on the count and Storm hands on a bit longer. Storm kicks the back of the knee repeatedly - Edge shoves him away, but Storm is back, kicking that knee - Storm grabs the leg, but Edge flips forward into a rollup - 1, 2, 3!! (4:10) Storm immediately dropkicks the knee to take him down again - elbowdrop on the knee - outside for a chair...but CHRISTIAN has finally snapped to and runs out with a chair of his own, chasing Storm backstage. Christian helps Edge up...he's not gonna swing that chair is he? No, they hug. Whew! Christian brings the trophy back and presents it to Edge - and THEN he chairs him in the head. Christian delivers a blank stare straight ahead, grabs the trophy, holds it aloft one more time, kisses it...and slams the trophy onto his chest. I'm not sure what Christian's saying here, but I did make out "This is your fault!" Christian puts one chair underneath his brother's head...then takes the other chair and completes the Conchairto. The REFS are in but Christian scares them all off with a look. Christian is quivering...and even pulling out his own hair. Replay of the "One-man Conchairto." I think it's over, folks.
SmackDown! LIVE promo - it's TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW
Moments Ago, two paragraphs ago - why are they calling Christian a maestro?
ROB VAN DAM (with Let Us Take You Back Three Weeks to SmackDown!) and RHYNO THE MAN BEAST v. JEFF HARDY and CHRIS MON DAY JERICHO - van Dam and Jericho start. Dueling "Y2J" and "RVD" chants. Lockup, side headlock by Jericho...powered out by van Dam, Jericho with a shoulderblcok. Up and over, van Dam leapfrog - Jericho jumps over the leg sweep attempt, then hits an enzuigiri. Chop by Jericho, tag to Hardy, forearm, right by Hardy, going to scoop him up...but he drops him, clutching his ribs. van Dam with an elbow, overhead kick, elbow, into the opposite corner, van Dam with a forward roll, jumps up but Hardy switches positions - right, right, right, pulls him out in a powerbomb, then the Speaking in Tongues double legdrop. Rhyno in without a tag - Jericho heads HIM off with a forearm. Hardy going up top - swantonbomb OHHHH he got all of that one. Hardy clutches his ribs and so does Rob van Dam. Clearasil replay shows that looked painful. Rhyno comes in to make sure referee "Blind" Earl Hebner doesn't catch the tag going on behind his back - sure enough, he puts Jericho bak in his corner, while Rhyno suplexes Hardy onto the top rope, ribs first. van Dam stomps, stomp, tag to Rhyno. Right by Rhyno, into the corner, shoulder in the ribs. Overhand right, right to the back of the head. Head to the buckle, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but Rhyno reverses back, pulling Hardy into a belly-to-belly suplex. Rhyno wants the gore, but Hardy ducks and Rhyno hits the turnbuckle instead. Tag to van Dam, HOT TAG to Jericho! Jericho ducks the swing, off the ropes with the flying jalapeno. Off the ropes with a shoulderblock for van Dam - Rhyno runs in, Jericho sends him sailing - van Dam with an elbow, elbow, knee, into the ropes, but Jericho grabs a knee and takes him down, then puts on the Walls of Jericho! Jericho breaks it to give Rhyno a springboard dropkick to Rhyno. Jericho down on all fours - Hardy vaults off his back with a - I guess that's the old "flying body attack" for Rhyno, and it hits!! Jericho turns back and eats a BIG heel kick. van Dam off the ropes, superfluous cartwheel into a splash - 1, 2, NO!! van Dam back on the attack, gutshot, Jericho tries to reverse the whip but van Dam goes behind in a waistlock - Jericho rolls forward, though - 1, 2, 3!! VAN DAM JOBS!!!!!! (3:52) Garcia: "Here are your winners..." and then forgets the rest. Oh well.
The cameras have caught up with Angle and Austin. "I should have gone with my gut instincts...and they told me to come here in the first place. Oh, you're not so tough, are you? Huh? Let me show you what I'm talking about, Austin. Whoa whoa WHOA whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - oh, don't worry, I gotcha." Angle pats Austin on the head. "You ain't goin' nowhere." "I'm sorry." "Oh WHOA whoa whoa whoa whoa." Angle gives Austin another threatening shove in a dangeours direction. "Huh? Don't worry, Austin, you're not going over. Not yet. Lookit that, LOOKIT that. Two hundred feet. Phew! Imagine what that's gonna feel like." "Kurt, if this is about the gold medals...I'll go back and get 'em. Take the chains off, I'll go back and I'll get your gold medals. I'm sorry, you don't know how sorry I am, I didn't want to do it in the first place, I promise - you don't know how sorry I am, and I regret that I..." Angle with another shove. "Ahhh - okay - I'll getcher gold medals back." "You know what, Austin? I think it's too late for that." "No." "You know something? They say that your life flashes before you, the second before you tick, before you die. You know what, Austin?" "You're not gonna throw me." "Oh I'm gonna throw you over...but I'll tell you what." Blindfold back on. "I'm gonna give you a couple minutes to think about it." "Huh what are you - I don't..." "I'll tell you what. I want you to think about begging, Austin. I want you to beg. You know what? I want you to think about CRYING. Oh yeah, I want you to think about crying, Austin. Shh-shh. And if you don't, I'm gonna throw you faster than my gold medals went over last week. Oh, it's true. And you know what, Austin? This time...the truth's gonna hurt."
Aw man ANOTHER ad break?
When we come back, a test pattern - then MRS. AUSTIN is in the ring. "Kurt - Kurt - please, if you can hear me, I'm gonna plead again - Kurt...PLEASE don't do this - PLEASE don't throw Steve over than 200 foot cliff! PLEASE, Kurt! I know - I know Steve hasn't been that nice to you - and he threw your gold medals off...but Kurt...they can always be replaced...Steve can't be...so please, Kurt I am beggin' you - and Kurt, I know you think he's a piece of trash - and he's not important...but Kurt....he's the love of my life. He's my husband. Kurt, I'm pleading with you - please - please don't throw him from that bridge! Please don't do this to my life, you can't do this! Please, Kurt! Don't! Don't, Kurt, I'm begging you..."
"All right, Austin...you've had enough time to think about it. Now let's hear it. Beg for me!" Austin shakes his head. "Come on, Austin! Beg! BEG for me, Austin!" "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, it's all...I'm sorry it's all a big misunderstanding and I didn't mean to steal your--" "What? Come on, Austin, beg - beg for me!" "All right, I'm sorry it was all a big misunderstanding, I didn't mean to take your gold medal - you know--" "What?" "I know they mean more to you--" "What?" "I know they mean more to you than anything in the world and it was so stupid of me to take your gold medals, I'm so sorry - I'm so..." "You're pathetic. You are pathetic." "Let me try again. I am so sorry that I took your gold medals, man. It was--" "Shut up. Shut up! Since you're so pathetic at begging, I want you to cry. Cry for me, Austin. Cry, come on! Cry, Austin!" "I can't cry!" "Cry, Austin!" "I - I can't cry!" Angle cups Austin's face in his hands. "Cry." "I'll cry." Austin tries to emote...but laughs instead. Okay, maybe he is crying. I guess I can't tell. "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..." "What? You're pathetic. You're a joke! C'mon Austin, cry! C'mon, c'mon, Austin. You're kidding me. What?" "I didn't mean to piss ya off." "What?" "I shouldn'a done it, I'm sorry, I'm such a jackass...I'm sorry...I'm sorry." "Listen - HEY - listen. I'll tell you what, Austin. You are REALLY pathetic, but there's one thing I want more than anything - even more than my Olympic gold medals. I want a return match for the WWF title." "You got it. Please..." "What?" "You got it, you want a return, you got it." "I want more than that. I want a date...and I want a place." "Just name it!" "What?" "I said name it, what do you want me to beg again, cry again, name a date, you've got it!" "I want Pittsburgh, PA - my home town, at Unforgiven." "'kay." "What?" "Okay. You got it, I'll - WWF title..." "Where?" "Pittsburgh, PA." "When?" "Unforgiven." "What?" "PITTSBURGH, PA UNFORGIVEN, I GIVEN YOU WHAT YOU WANT - TAKE THESE GOD....take these chains off and let me go. I gave you what you want!" "You know what, Austin..." "I give you what you want, let me go..." "All right, all right, hey. I got what I wanted." "You did." "But you know what, Austin?" "What?" "You're still goin' in the water." And Angle shoves Austin backwards into a plastic swimming pool full of water. Angle starts singing... "Did you ever know that you're my hero..." Austin wriggles out of the pool "You son of a bitch....you son of a..." "What? I'll see you at Unforgiven, Austin." "Give me the keys! Kurt! Kurt! Come back, Kurt!" Angle honks the horn before driving away. War Zone credits are up. "You son of a bitch!"