Hey, here's a riddle I just wrote: Q: What's the sound of
a secret not being kept? A: BURST
QUICK QUOTE: WWF 11.01 (+ .01, two years ago: 23 7/8, last year: 14 7/8)
TONIGHT: Trish & Lita team against Mighty Molly & Ivory! Plus, we'll hear from new WCW Champion Chris Jericho! And probably the Rock - come back in fifteen!
THIS WEEK'S TNG CAPSULE REVIEW: "Haven" ...SUCKED
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST NIGHT: No Mercy! Stills! Go read BrewGuy's report!
PYRO AWAY and so are we, one more time - coming to you LIVE from the Kemper Arena in Kansas City, MO 22.10.1 and transmitido en espanol SAP on TNN & TSN, this is the WWF - and THIS - is - RAW! Things are hopping in WWF New York, and dig it...
BILLIONAIRE VINCE & LINDA McMAHON are out... hand in hand...oh boy... beaming smiles all around and... you know...well, let's listen. "Well, I guess you all know my wife (Linda)....and for the past two and a half months, I have been busy, I just haven't been here. I've been busy, all right - I've been undergoing therapy. I've been undergoing a great rigorous physical conditioning program, and the best condition of my life....and in addition to that, I've - I sat back, and - and I watched - and what I watched was I - I watched the attempt - I watched the attempt of our children (Stephanie & Shane), I watched them attempt to dismantle the greatest sports entertainment empire ever created...and quite frankly, I'm not gonna sit back anymore. Matter of fact, it started last night, but tonight, I'm gonna take care of some business. But before I do, maybe I need a little personal jumpstart." Vince gives a lecherous look to his wife. Yikes! They start to embrace...but fortunately, we're spared Linda and Vince making out in the ring - unfortunately, we're spared it by "Brand New Money" and SHANE CAN'T...and STEPHANIE CAN'T EITHER. Hey, maybe THEY'LL make out! "You know one - one thing that makes me sick is watching two old people kiss." "Why don't..." "Slut!" "Why don't you TWO OLD PRUNES just DRY UP and BLOW AWAY. I mean, really, you've survived long enough, Mom and Dad, why don't you just MOVE ON DOWN to Florida and retire with the rest of the elderly people." There may be a Dusty Rhodes joke in there, I'm not sure. "Well, you know actually, ah, KIDS...you know, actually we thought about that. But, uh, we decided now is probably not the time, not just yet. You see, we didn't have everything handed to us on a silver platter like you have. You see, everything that we have, we got it the old fashioned way - unlike the two of you, we earned it. And the way that we earned it was - well, we took risk - we took calculated risk and quite frankly (2), that's what we're here tonight to propose...yet another calculated risk. You see, um, I've had it with this Alliance crap, this inVasion crap....so what I'm proposing this thing come to a head once and for all - what I'm proposing is at Survivor Series, that for once that name truly is what it means, surviving. What I'm suggesting to the two of you is - there's one match, and in that one match, that match will determine which entity will finally survive, Shane, Stephanie. What I'm proposing is...well maybe it's the survival of the fittest, if you would - it's Winner Take All at Survivor Series. What about it?" They whisper. "What's the matter? Afraid to lose everything you have?" "Hey, first off, take the bass outta your voice, you understand me? You wanna put it all on the line? You wanna put it all on the line? YOU'RE ON! You're on at Survivor Series. Bring it!" "Well, that's terrific, that takes care of Survivor Series, and... I'm also gonna propose that tonight be the beginning of the end for the two of you. Oh yeah...you see, all these, and quite frankly (3) you've done a decent job of WWF Championships - all that comes to an end tonight. Let's start - let's start with the WWF Champion, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Here tonight, I propose--" "Whoa whoa whoa - hey hey - back down, back down just once second. Stone Cold Steve Austin, let's take the World Wrestling Federation champion. Let's take him for one second. Last night at No Mercy it was YOU, Dad, that blasted Stone Cold Steve Austin in the back of the head with a steel chair. Thus, you screwed yourself. Austin had twelve staples to close that wound in the back of his head - also he got a concussion because of you, and therefore, Stone Cold Steve Austin, unfortunately, will not be here to compete this evening." Stephanie: "But you know who IS here to compete and who will be competing - speaking of champions, is the NEW WCW Champion, Chris Jericho, and he'll be facing--" "Oh yeah, Steph - whoa whoa whoa there Steph, sorry. Since Austin isn't gonna be here to compete, I regret to inform you that Chris Jericho has already been booked to compete here tonight. Matter of fact, In This Very Ring, Chris Jericho is involved in a tag team match - Jericho is gonna help beat the Dudley Boyz and bring back the WWF title where it belongs. And by the way - by the way, Jericho's tag team partner here tonight..." Crowd murmurs. "THE ROCK. And quite frankly (4), quite frankly (5) if the two of you are up for it, there are lots more challenges headed your way here tonight." "Hey, you wanna keep throwin' out challenges, huh Dad? Well, how about this challenge - what's to stop me from walkin' down this ring and kickin' your ass?" They start the walk...but COMMISSIONER REGAL comes out and tries to stop them. "Come on, Shane - come on, Shane - what IS stopping you from coming into the ring, huh? Come on!" Linda holds Vince's jacket. "You're lucky - not in front o' mom! Not in front o' Mom!" Linda: "Not in front of Mom? Vince...look at our children. What has happened to them - where did we go wrong. Look at our daughter - our daughter has become a maneater...and our son is a wuss." That's your punchline - play "No Chance in Hell!"
Until you've seen it live, you haven't truly experienced the World Wrestling Federation! The last show of the year in San Jose is a house show at the Compaq Center Saturday, 8 December! Meet Chris Benoit at the box office on the opening day of ticket sales - Saturday, 3 November! (Oops, I'll be in New York that day. Oh well!)
Experience the WWF live! Tomorrow, it's Omaha and it's sold out! Saturday is Springfield! Sunday, it's Evansville! RAW is Louisville, and the next night is Cincinnati!
LITA and TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL (with RAW is brought to you by Whacko Tobacco, Stacker 2, and Castrol Motor Oily!) v. IVORY and MIGHTY MOLLY - Lita and Molly start. Hand of Friendship offered - Lita takes too long - gutshot by Molly - into the ropes, bringing her up but Lita brings her down with a flying headscissors. Molly ends up in her corner, so Ivory gets the tag - Lita with an armdrag, armdrag, head to the buckle, tag to Stratus, right by Lita - into the ropes - double flapjack (such as it is). Trish covers - but only gets 2. "Lita" chant. Ivory into the corner, Trish clotheslines her when she comes out. Got her by the hair - Ivory breaks it up, gutshot, up on the shoulder...Trish frees herself and gives a free shot for Molly - Ivory's right misses Trish but hits Molly (oops) - schoolgirl gets Trish 2. Ivory back in control - into the corner - Trish with a back elbow - climbing up - pulling her off the mat in a choke - again - Molly walks over and waffles her to break it up. Ivory snapmares Stratus off the top. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Ivory stays in control - there's a backbreaker. Tag to Molly - Ivory with a snapmare, Molly with a rolling neck snap - and pose. Molly stomps, stomp, pulling her to the ropes and straddling her neck to accent the choke. Ivory adds a bottom rope hot shot when referee "Blind" Jack Doan pulls Molly off. Molly with a stomp - ramming her head to the mat, elbowdrop, elbowdrop. Suplex coming up - nicely done by Molly. Molly going up top to try to finish it - took too long - Trish crotches her, then climbs up after her - wow, Trish with the top rope Frankensteiner! Both ladies are down...tag to Ivory, HOT TAG TO LITA! Lita clothesline - off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker - gutshot for Molly, Molly into the corner, Ivory whipped into Molly, Stratus in and on all fours for Poetry in Motion...except Ivory clotheslines Lita (off Stratus' back) before she can execute. Molly hairpulls Trish to the mat - and she rolls out. Doubleteam on Lita - into the ropes, duck, Lita with a double clothesline! Dropkick for Molly. Lita waiting on Ivory - gutshot, Twist of Fate as Stratus simultaneously bulldogs Molly - Lita going up top - moonsault on Ivory! Hits the knees but who's noticing - 1, 2, 3! (4:22) Lita and Trish hug - oh, see, they're friends now, okay. Who can remember back that far, anyway? Replay of the finish. Heyman's a big fan of Lita. Ross: "Why's that? She's breathing?" "No, we wear the same style of underwear."
In the back, Vince and Linda smile. Rob van Dam enters the picture. "Hey Rob! Listen, I asked you here, wanted to have a little chat with you, I wanted you to meet my wife, Linda." "Hi, Rob. Very nice to meet you!" "Very nice to be met. Nice to meet you too. You wanted to see me about something." "Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about a little business, okay? Umm...you know, this World Wrestling Federation, I mean you know it means everything to me, it's my life. And, I know we've made the offer before but I'd love to have you be a part of it. So, uh...what are you thinkin'?" "I don't know, Vince. I mean, all this talk about takin' sides...I just don't know." "...well now, Rob, lemme just say this, that, you know, much like Stone Cold Steve Austin told you...you're either with me...or you're against me, Rob. What's it, uh, gonna be?" van Dam thinks. "You know, I think I'm fine just where I'm at right now. Just bring me. P...T...S. Yeah." "Well, you know what then? Tonight...with all due respect, you can be RVD...defending the hardcore championship against...the Big Show." van Dam's smile fades...but only briefly.
Chris Jericho is WALKING! And by golly, that WCW title belt is over his shoulder where *everybody* can see it (including CHRIS JERICHO nameplate)...and you know, there ain't NOTHIN' wrong with THAT.
Tazz sticks up yet another truck of Stacker 2
And now, the WWF presents the Xbox Slam of the Week! From No Mercy, Edge knocks out Christian with a One-Man Conchairto on his way to taking the intercontinental title
Matt Hardy knocks on the dressing room door, looking for Lita - then barges in to find a (presumably deaf) topless Trish with towel covering her goot bits. She hasn't seen Lita since the match. Matt congratulates her on the match. "I haven't seen her, but I'm gonna go take a shower..." "Okay, well go right ahead - sorry, I was looking for Lita...I didn't mean to...barge in..." he watches her back all the way to the door...then lingers on the thought of...Lita comes in. "Hey!" "HEY!" "What are you doin' in here?" "I...uh...I'm lookin' for you." "Well I was lookin' for you." "Well I was lookin' for YOU, I wanted to come in and congratulate you on your great victory tonight." "Thank you!" "Yeah - definitely!" "Okay, I'm gonna shower up and then I'll see you out there, okay?" "Okay - wait - NOOOOO - hey - I, ...um, I got a better idea. Instead of showering here, let's me and you go find a private secluded location and have a little shower together - how's that sound?" "Okay." "Good?" "Sounds good." "Great! You come on with me." Matt wraps an arm around her and walks off - taking one more look back and making a face. That's twice in two days - say, doesn't Lita ever watch tapes?
At Regal's desk, Mick Foley comes in, dumps the tea set and places his COMMISSIONER nameplate and Connect Four game on the desk. Foley says it's time the two commissioners sat down and watched the matches together. Tonight, Tajiri takes on Kidman William for the Cruiserweight title - Foley reveals he's just booked Bradshaw is gonna take on the Hurricane. Foley puts his stuffed dog on the suit of armour ("remember when Shawn Stasiak ran into that thing?") and makes a proposition. "I'm proposing that we say, hey, it's gonna be a great night of hot action - let's not have any, let's not have any complications like run-ins or anything like that, let's just vow that we're gonna have clean finishes, it's gonna be a great night all around, and hey - if things work out right, me and you - Connect Four!" WELL.
Meanwhile, we capture Edge and Kurt Angle in conversation. "Congrats on last night - that was one of the best ladder matches I've ever seen." "Thanks - I mean, I'm feeling it...(pats belt) but it was totally worth it." "I'll bet it was. You know, you me and Christian, we used to hang out, and I never really liked the kid - never trusted him. He had these beady little eyes. Kind of reminded me of...the world's ugliest pretty boy. You know what I'm saying?" "(laughs) I do! That's good stuff. Imagine how ugly he's gonna be after that Conchairto on top of the ladders last night." "Oh, pretty ugly." "Yeah." "Are you guys sure you have the same parents?" "Yeah...I know, it's kinda hard to believe, isn't it?" Suddenly, Rhyno comes in with a GORE! GORE! GORE! putting Edge into the clangy metal garage door! Fortunately, two refs are nearby, preventing further fracas...but the damage is done.
Oh, that was the whole segment.
Moments Ago, you've just seen it
Foley suggests if Rhyno wants to make such a difference, he put his US championship on the line against Kurt Angle...that is, if he has the fortitude. Regal says Rhyno could rip Angle in half and okays the match.
WCW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: TAJIRI (with Torrie Samuda) v. BILLY KIDMAN - Is Kidman still gimping around on that leg? Kinda looks like it. Heyman brings up the fact that Kidman and Torrie "were" an item. Lockup, Kidman with a hammerlock - Tajiri drops down and throws him off. Kidman ducks a clothesline and snaps off a 'rana. Right, kick, into the opposite corner, misses a splash - Tajiri with an enzuigiri. Kidman falls outside...Tajiri with a baseball slide dropkick. Kidman put back in - Tajiri with a springboard into a quebrada (!) but misses. Kidman dropkicks the chest. Snapmares him over - to the headlock. Tajiri back to his feet - elbow, elbow, kick, off the ropes - but Kidman powerbombs him...for 2. Kidman stomp, stomp, scoop...and a slam. Kidman outside and back over the top with a slingshot legdrop. 1, 2, Tajiri kicks out. Tajiri back up with a slap to the chest. Kidman kicks back. Kidman with a slap. Snap suplex by Kidman. Forearm. Tajiri fires back with a quick right left right - Kidman right, puts Tajiri into the corner - off the ropes but Tajiri ducks - then lands the superkick. Head to the buckle - chop, arm wringer, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but Kidman runs into a superkick - Viscera kick lands - leg is hooked! 1, 2, Kidman kicks out! Tajiri put into the ropes, but he hits the handspring elbow for 2. Kidman manages an arm wringer, gutshot, DDT, and 2. Kidman is definitely limping. Suplex attempt is countered - inside cradle by Tajiri gets 2. Kidman right, right, going for the suplex again - Tajiri drops down, right, right, scoop slam, cover, 2. Kidman whipped into the corner, no, reversal, Tajiri tries to climb the corner but Kidman follows him in with a clothesline. Gutshot by Kidman, forearm in the back, run into the corner...THIS time Tajiri slips out and applies the tarantula when Kidman comes in. Tajiri winds up for the KICK but Kidman ducks it - there's a Kidmanbomb! 1, 2, Tajiri puts the shoulder up! Kidman goes for a suplex - Tajiri down the back - scoop - reversal by Kidman - Tajiri drops down and kicks him in the head - and there *is* the KICK - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new WCW cruiserweight champion. (5:09) Replay of those last two kicks - and Tajiri reacting after being handed the title belt
WrestleMania X8 ad - tix go on sale at Skydome starting 3 November! (And on this day they sending Benoit to SAN JOSE?) Can't make it to Ontario that weekend? Call 716 852 5000 in the US, 416 870 8000 in Canada - or visit WrestleMania.com!
Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 - the choice of stereotypical Italian-Americans everywhere
Check out that Kansas City skyline
Well look who's back. It's he, it's he, it's DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE and he's got a headset mic on so he can gesticulate wildly with BOTH hands....that is, when he's not effecting that freakish grin. "It's ME! D-D-P! And I came here tonight to deliver a message that all of you could relate to. LOSING! I mean, how 'bout those Kansas City Chiefs? I also came here to deliver a message to all those superstars in the back who lost their matches at No Mercy. You see, all of those superstars in the back need to know that losing isn't a bad thing - it's...a good thing. They need to know that losing IS a good thing because when you LOSE, you LEARN. You learn to...eat smarter! Train harder! You learn to improve the way you LIVE your life--" The pyro hits and KANE comes out...to Page's music. Oops. Man, it takes them FOREVER to fix the cue. Who's doing the sound around here? That must be that friend of....hmmm yeah. "It's KANE! Kane, you need to know that your coming out here tonight and interrupting me wasn't a bad thing...it's a good thing. Why? I'll tell you why. Because you are a perfect example of my message tonight. I mean, last night at No Mercy you lost to Test. And you've been on the losing end of...most of your life. I mean...for example, take your face. As a child, you were badly burned. And...as a result today, you have mangled flesh for a face. But that's not a bad thing - that's a good thing. Why? I'll tell you why. Because you get to wear a mask all the time. I mean, people LOVE masks. I mean, Halloween is right around the corner - how cool is that? But the coolest thing is no one gets to see what you really look like, because if they did, women would likely (points to uvula) *vomit* and little children would scream. I mean, take a look out there - I'm tr--GAAAAAH" that's the sound of a choke - and that's a CHOKESLAM. Kane sets the turnbuckles alight and at least they manage to play the correct music afterward. (Kane's, dummy.) I guess Page has given up his "I like me / you like me / you like you" catchphrase for the simpler "that's not a bad thing, that's a GOOD thing." Woof. Hey, that was LIKE a match....right? Let's take another ad break!
"Mick Foley's Halloween Hijinx" ad - funny, I thought Jerry Lawler was Foley's illustrator FOR LIFE
WCW U.S. TITLE - RHYNO THE MAN BEAST (with Earlier Tonight - and RAW Credits) v. KURT ANGLE (with TV-14-DLV & CC boxes) - Big staredown in the middle of the ring. "USA!" Here we go - lockup, to the corner, rolling back and forth - Angle in control - referee "Blind" Mike Chioda manages to get them separated. Lockup again - Angle to the waistlock, rides him down - Rhyno counters to a hammerlock - Angle goes behind - German suplex! Rhyno blocks the second attempt and elbows out before Angle can go again - big clothesline by Rhyno. Right in the corner, right, opposite corner whip is reversed, but Rhyno puts up the elbow. Rhyno runs into a belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Angle clothesline, clothesline, Rhyno duck, Angle block, right, right, right, right, chop, chop, chop, chop, right, opposite corner whip is reversed...Angle evades the splash and hits a flying jalapeno off the ropes. 1, 2, no. Say, I think Angle's in control! Angle right, chop, chop, into the ropes - no, Rhyno reverses and gets him in a Fireman's carry - airplane spin!! - and flips him into a nice neckbreaker. Rhyno gets 1. Angle's head meets the buckle. Rhyno with a kick, kick, kick. Rhyno drapes Angle's left leg over the second rope - right, right, right, now the RIGHT leg is draped over the opposite rope. Right hand. Rhyno winds up...SPEAR into the exposed abdomen! (No Shattered Dreams? Damn!) "USA" chant fires up but it's Rhyno in command. Right hand. But Angle comes back - right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes...ohhhhhhhh into a Rhyno spinebuster. Rhyno hooks the leg - but only gets 2. Angle backs into a corner - Rhyno stomp, stomp, stomp, standing on the neck for 4...and a bit longer - Chioda pulls him off. Choke on the bottom rope - elbow to the back of the neck to add effect. Angle fires back - right, right, right, right, right, clothesline...taking Rhyno outside. I have a hunch Angle will follow - yeah. Rhyno's head meets the barricade. Big chop from Angle. Chop. Head to the STEEL steps. Angle rolls in - and rolls back out. Rhyno back in control with forearms in the back - and a hard run into the barricade. Angle rolled back in - Rhyno in after him. Right hand. Off the ropes - swinging neckbreaker (of the alleged variety) gets 2. Snapmares him over - and grabs the headlock. Angle all the way down - the crowd tries to bring him back. Angle to one foot - two feet - elbow, elbow, but Rhyno takes him down by what's left of his hair to stop the run into the ropes. Rhyno flips off the crowd! Angle grabs an ankle - but Rhyno grabs the bottom rope toot sweet. Angle right, right, Rhyno eye gouge to stop it. Rhyno snapmares him over - and goes back to the weardown hold. Crowd claps for Angle again...and Angle fights back again. Back to a knee - back up - elbow, elbow, break, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, wow RHYNO catches Angle into the belly-to-belly suplex. Rhyno hooks a leg - but only gets 2! Rhyno stomps on Angle. Stomp. Right hand to the back of the neck. Another overhand right. Too much gloating for Rhyno - Angle barrels him to the corner - right, right, right, right, chop, chop, into the ropes, reversed AGAIN, Angle ducks the clothesline, crossbody hits - Angle gets 2! Belly-to-belly blocked, Angle with a waistlock - Rhyno blocks THAT - elbow - off the ropes - Angle hits the belly-to-belly! Angle ducks a swing and manages the German suplex - and holds on for a second - STILL holding on - THREE! But that took a lot out of Angle - both men are down. It's Angle back up first - but Rhyno rams him into the turnbuckle - and clotheslines him down on the rebound. Both men are down again - crowd starts to sync on the clap. Chioda's count is up to 4 as they both get up - right by Rhyno - into the ropes is reversed..into an Olympic Slam!! But again, Angle is unable to follow up - crawling to a hook of the leg - 1, 2, NO!! Angle took too long to make the cover. Angle up slowly - now staggering to the ropes - he's going up - MOONSAULT! MISSES!! Rhyno's chance is now...but HE is slow to get up as well. Rhyno up - and awaiting Angle. Here it comes - GORE! GORE! GORE! but BOTH men are through the ropes to the outside! Honestly, I don't know if they'll beat the ten count here. Let's take an Xbox Replay. Rhyno muscles up Angle - dead weight - both men in at 7. Wow. Cover - 1, 2, Angle kicks out! Rhyno from his knees - right, right, right, right, right. Rhyno to his feet again..."USA!" Angle brought up - whip is reversed, Rhyno pulls him in and goes behind - Angle drops down and grabs an ankle - ANGLELOCK! AND RHYNO TAPS!!!!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new United States Champion! (11:30) Reaction shot from Shane and Stephanie - and Vince and Linda - and back and forth about a MILLION times between them. Hey! I got a CRAZY idea - LET'S STOP LOOKING AT McMAHONS AND LOOK AT ANGLE!
You don't need me to TELL you "that was a good match" to know that was a good match, right? .....right?
The WWF Rewind is brought to you by 1-800-CAL-LATT! From SmackDown!, the APA hijack the Hurricycle and Faarooq says "Damn"
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: ACOLYTE BRADSHAW v. THE HURACAN (with Mighty Molly - or, as Lilian Garcia calls her, "Molly Holly") - say, did you notice how they did all the WCW title matches first and THEN the WWF ones? It's little things like that. Did you notice the European championship didn't get a nifty graphic like the WWF ones (but not the WCW ones) did last night at No Mercy? You didn't ORDER No Mercy? Oh. Hurricane with a...pose. Lockup, Bradshaw shoves him away. Bradshaw up, posing, off the ropes - Bradshaw shoulderblock. Pose - Hurricane psyching up...Bradshaw steps aside and tosses him. Bradshaw out after him - Molly decides to stand in front and stand her ground. Molly with a punch - Bradshaw blocks it and shrugs her away. Meanwhile, Hurricane has climbed to the top - hurriplancha - HOLY GEEZ HAYDEN he just tried to kill himself...Bradshaw does as well as he can to catch him but has to drop him because the head-first momentum is too great. Bradshaw picks him up as if he'd meant to drop him - Molly from behind...Bradshaw sets Hurricane in the ring and looks back - oh, she's gone. Oh well. Bradshaw back in the ring - big right hand. Right, right, overhand forearm to the back, into the ropes, Hurricane ducks, super(hero)kick, hurridropkick to the knees puts Bradshaw off his feet. Off the ropes, hurridropkick to the head. Now he wants a suplex - uhhh no. Bradshaw counters with a suplex of his own - half hour variety. Bradshaw with another forearm in the back. Bradshaw with a crossed arm neckbreaker (!). Molly to the top - pose - plancha - Bradshaw manages to catch her - looks like we'll get our contractually obligated fallaway slam...but not before Bradshaw gives Hurricane a big boot. Molly slides out of the ring on the bounce. Hurricane windmills...winding up - off the ropes - clothesline bounces off Bradshaw as if he were like wall. Bradshaw calmly delivers the Hades lariat, covers, and gets the fall 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a pattern. (3:09) Replay of the clothesline that doesn't work - and the one that does. If Faarooq were here, he'd probably say... "Damn." Ol' Uncle Zebekiah would be proud.
Foley expresses delight at Bradshaw's victory. "Get your bloody grubby paws off my knob! What's the matter with you?" Foley reminds Regal it's 3-0 WWF...but Hurricane sure showed a lot of heart, so he'll grant him a Euro title rematch. Regal says not to worry, Rob van Dam will retain the hardcore title, and there's no way Rock and Jericho will take the tag titles off the Dudleyz. Foley connects four. "You silly pillock, you're playing with yourself!" "Hahahahaha do you know what you just said?" If you look REAL carefully, you'll see Regal start to lose it and break out laughing just before they fade to black (say, did any of the other recappers notice this?)
Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 - again
Catch the WWF live! Tomorrow, Omaha is sold out! Bossier City Saturday, Lexington Sunday, Louisville for RAW, and Cincinnati one week from tomorrow! Hey WAIT those aren't the cities they said LAST TIME for Saturday and Sunday OHHHHHHHHHHHH I GET IT
THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER WHO IS AWESOME & KANE (with Earlier Tonight) v. T (with WrestleMania X8 tickets go on sale in *12* days! Check out WrestleMania.com!) and T T THIS IS A T - this is, what, the third time these guys have gone at it in a tag match? Honestly, do you think they would keep DOING it if it weren't SOMEHOW resonating with a large portion of the fanbase? Test and Taker lock it up - to the corner...Test with a back elbow, right, back elbow, right, much to referee "Blind" Tim White's dismay. Test chases White off...and ends up on the wrong end of a position switch in the corner - Taker with a quick succession soupbone left soupbone left, back elbow, soupbone, "God DAMMIT!" (why'd he say THAT?), kick - T runs the apron and Taker soupbones HIM. Test into the opposite corner - but he gets the boot up on the charge - then clotheslines Taker down. Tag to Booker - right is blocked, Taker soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, into the ropes but T holds on and pulls him into a reverse heel kick. T with a sidewalk slam. T off the ropes - big-time kneedrop. Right by T, right, right, right, right. Taker sent into the ropes - ducks the swing - and lands clothesline that FLIPS T! Tag to Kane - right by Kane. Gutshot, uppercut. Xbox replay of T's Rikishi spin. T into the ropes, ducks an elbow, but not the next one - Kane off the ropes but the elbowdrop MISSES. T with a kick, Kane right, T right, Kane right, Kane knee, into the ropes, head down - T with a kick - T ducks a clothesline and hits a sweet crescent kick (that missed by a mile but who's counting). Tag to Test - right, right, right, right, right, right righ trigh trigh tirhg tirhg tirhg right righ tright oops too fast with the rights I guess. Tag to T - held open for the kick. Head to the buckle by T. Right by T. Right, right, right, right is finally blocked - Kane right, kick, running T shoulder-first into the buckle, and hitting a hammerlock slam (!) out. Tag to Taker - clothesline for T, free shot for Test, arm wringer on T - here it comes - wrenching the arm - there's the one arm press...Test gets the blind tag, though - and after Taker flips T with the arm wringer mare, Test come s in and hits the Wotsitolla Boot - but at 2, Kane breaks it up. Test tosses Taker out to Booker - right, right, right, right, every shot on the body - head into the STEEL steps - Taker rolled back in for Test. No tag, but there are doubleteam kicks in the corner on Taker. T with a forearm shot. Taker sent into the ropes, knocked down, T covers - but only 2! Tag to Test. T holds open Taker for a big right hand. Taker slumps in the corner, right, back elbow, right, back elbow, Test sure likes the combo doesn't he?, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. White pulls him off again. Tag to Booker - *another* open shot. Holding his head down for the kick. Off the ropes - but T misses the axe kick - Taker misses the clothesline - Taker CATCHES the Harlem sidekick attempt, and drops him with a half sidewalk slam/half back suplex! Both men are down and the count is on. At 8, both men crawl to their respective corners - tag to Test - HOT TAG TO KANE! Right by Kane! Right! Right! Test does a BIG flop on that last uppercut. Into the corner, follow lariat, sidewalk slam! Test shot into the ropes again, big boot from Kane - T in and HE gets the boot in the face. Test scooped up...press...and drop! International sign of the chokeslam but T SAILS in with a big Harlem sidekick. Taker in, clothesling T out - *Test* clotheslines *Taker* out - then turns round to deliver the boot to Kane - but Kane does the same at the same time! Both men are down; meanwhile, on the outside, T and Taker are trading blows - whip into the steps is reversed and Taker's knee hits hard. Back in the ring, both men back up - Test's cloteshline is ducked - Kane with a gutshot, and neckbreaker - 1, 2, Booker in to break it up. T right, right, Kane into the ropes but he reverses and pulls T into a CHOKESLAM! Test tries the Wotsitolla again but Kane ducks it - choke - Test elbows out (three elbows), gutshot, pumphandle...Meltdown coming up, but before he can finish the slam, Taker gives Test a big boot, the pile shifts and the next thing you know, Kane's taking Test out with a TOMBSTONE!!! 1, 2, 3! AWESOME. (8:11) (Hey, did you *see* that? Test just gave back his PPV win! It's an OUTRAGE!) SHADDUP I said that was AWESOME
But who's Bubba Red?
Rob van Dam is WALKING! Oops, he just bumped into the Big Show. Staredown demonstrates a rather astonishing size differential. Show pats the belt to break the standoff. "By all means, after you." "Cool." "Yeah. Real cool." van Dam doesn't take his eyes off him as he continues on...
Here's a look at WWF.com - on Internet Explorer (ugh) on Windows (UGH)
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: POINTS TO SELF v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - van Dam evades the double sledge and fires away with forearms - Show takes five before just shoving him to the mat. "RVD" chant - right, right, left, right, off the ropes - Show catches him and shoves him to the match again. van Dam in the corner - well it's a big slap. Well it's a big knee. Well it's another big knee. Well it's a big whip into the opposite...no, doubling back to the original corner - and a clothesline squashes van Dam. Into the ropes - well it's a big boot. DOWN COME THE STRAPS! This could be over quick - international sign of the chokeslam - got him in the choke...but van Dam manages a roundhouse kick to the head to break it up. Oh no! Is Show bleeding? No, not yet. Whew! Kick, left foot kick, jumping back kick, off the ropes...Show presses him over the ropes and into a reverse hot shot on his way down. Show is out after him. Show shoves van Dam's head into the STEEL steps - he's gonna pop him like a grape! EWWWW GROSS oh wait he didn't. Well it's a big gunshot slap. van Dam whipped...but he vaults onto the apron and leaps into a kick that takes Show down. van Dam runs to the barricade and points to himself - oops, he fell - climbs back up quickly and drops a leg on the back of the neck. van Dam heads back over the barricade and to the ring - underneath, looking for plundah - and finding it. Garbage can in the ring - fire extinguisher in the ring - chair in the ring - second chair in the ring. Yay, van Dam points to himself again! Back over to Show - hmmm, I think he gave him too much time. Show catches the kick and shoves him back into the barricade. Well it's a big press - and drop, throating him on the barricade. Well it's a big headbutt. Show is KILLING him - if van Dam ends up winning this, it's sure gonna SUCK. Well it's a big press...and Show tosses him over the top rope back into the ring. Show back in but van Dam has the garbage can - to the head - NO EFFECT - Show SLAPS the can out of his hands. van Dam grabs a chair - Show PUNCHES the chair into van Dam! Show grabs the chair - van Dam with the fire extinguisher - Show holds up the chair to block the CO2 - van Dam hits the VAN DAMINATOR! van Dam quickly to the top - FIVESTAR FROG SPLASH! 1, 2, 3! Okay, that didn't suck as much as I thought it would - even though the champ retains by essentially no-selling a chair to the face. (4:46) Oh no, I think he pissed himself again. Reaction shot from Shane and Stephanie shows them pointing to themselves. Replay of the van Daminator and Fivestar. And another hundred shots of Shane and Stephanie - and also, two of van Dam.
It's...a wacky crowd of Yankees fans singing in Times Square! Here's a look at the Lita/Torrie Wilson Survivor Series ad board on the outside - hey, you think THESE two will fight in that Ultimate Survivor match that will determine the very course of sports entertainment as we know it? No? Oh
Let Us Take You Back To SmackDown! Where Maven Managed To Eke Out His First Victory
Inside WWF New York is MAVEN. "I just wanted to thank the WWF - I am honoured for having the opportunity to be on SmackDown! But, I am a perfectionist, and after watching my matches these past few weeks, I realise I am far from perfect. I got lucky when I defeated Tazz, and I'm a long way to go before I'm ready for a main event. So I'm gonna go to WWF Farm System...and when I come back, I might....might be able to defeat Tazz without having Lady Luck on my side." Then, Tazz jumps him from behind and puts him down with the Tazzmission.
Foley and Regal react. Foley thinks it might be a good idea to book a SmackDown! match between Tazz and Al Snow. Regal says Tazz may be shaking in his boots, but all right. Foley reminds us of all the title match results and predicts a victory for Jericho and Rock. Regal says it doesn't matter - after Survivor Series, there won't be a WWF, period.
To the locker room we go. "Jericho!" "Hey, Rock." "The Rock just came by to...say congratulations. Congratulations on winning the big one. Congratulations on an electrifying match - one of the BEST of all time." "Most definitely." "Congratulations, Chris, but the Rock just wants you to remember - always remember that some way, some form, some fashion there will be a rematch between you and the Rock...but it's not about that. Tonight, you and the Rock, teaming up against the Dudley Boyz, WWF tag team titles. And that's what it's all about tonight...is the WWF...you are, uh...you are still WWF, aren't you?" "Of COURSE I'm still WWF, what kind of a question is that? I am WWF always, forever, all the way." "Always." "Always." "Forever." "Uh huh." "Then tonight, the only thing that you have to be concerned with is you and the Rock, laying the smack down on their candyasses." They exchange a handshake. "See you out there." "Oh, by the way, Rock - after having one of the greatest matches of my career, I wanted to give you a little present, a little token of my esteem. I thought you might like to have...this." "What's this?" "Oh, that's the nameplate that says THE ROCK that used to be right here where it says CHRIS JERICHO on my championship title belt. I thought you might like to have that. It's for you." Rock smiles. "Well the Rock really appreciates that, Chris. Thank you." "Put it up on your wall somewhere." "Thank you. The Rock'll put it up on his wall?" "Yeah. In your den." "You know the Rock has a little gift for you too." "Oh really." "Just a little one. You see, Chris, seeing as one day, some way some form some fashion we're gonna have a rematch..." Rock hands him a chair. "...you're gonna need one of these. You're gonna need one of these when you go one on one with the Great One." Rock takes off...and Jericho grins.
DUDLEY BOYZ (with Stacy Dudley) v. AD
UP NEXT:This match!
Hey, Booker, where we at? "the NEW TNN"
Ummm, why are they showing "Baywatch" right now with a WWF-scratch TNN logo? (And did this happen on the live feed... or just the Pacific feed?) And why - WHY - do they risk BRAIN DAMAGE just to get HIGH for THREE SECONDS...oh, Mitch...you're so right. You're ALWAYS right, Mitch. We all should pattern our lives after you. Now where's KITT?
And now it's a black screen. How nice.
And now it's segment 6 of "Baywatch!" I know this from the nice still store that says "TNN EPISODE #28 PROD #3012 BAYWATCH "SHOWDOWN AT MALIBU BEACH HIGH" SEGMENT 6 CBenker 10/10/01 Betegeuse" WOW that Mitch can really work the heavy bag, can't he? He's so...DREAMY. I wonder if he's ever done any singing? Maybe released some compact discs?
Hey *FINALLY*, we're back after three minutes of the wrong feed...
DUDLEY BOYZ (with Stacy Dudley) v. ROCK & CHRIS JERICHO for the WWF tag team championship, joined in progress - I wish I had been able to see if Rock or Jericho had come in first or second. I wonder if other recappers would tell me - maybe I'll check later. This match couldn't have been going on for THAT long, 'cause we would have expected Jericho & D-Von to start anyway, right? In fact, this MAY be the first lockup - or second...D-Von with a knee, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, shoulderblock by D-Von - up and over, leapfrog by Jericho, flying jalapeno by Jericho! Right, right, right, right,r ight, knee, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, into the opposite corner, reversed by Dudley, elbow up by Jericho - on the second rope - missile dropkick, 1, 2, kickout. Tag to Rock - right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, reversed back, gutshot, DDT, 1, 2, Dudley kicks out. D-Von to the eyes - and makes the tag - Bubba Ray with a right, right, left, right, big ol' slap to the chest. Another slap. Karate chop MISSES - Rock slips out and now it's Bubba Ray in the corner and Rock right, right, right, whip is countered and Bubba Ray pulls Rock into a sidewalk slam for 2. Stomp. Pulls him up - left, left, right, off the ropes...but Rock manages the Samoan Drop...1, 2, no. Tag to Jericho - into the ropes, double back body drop. Jericho dropkicks Bubba Ray in the back. Elbow, chop, going for a whip but Bubba Ray stands fast and pops him with a right to stop the big mo. Pounding in the back, to the corner, tag, right. D-Von in - right, right, Jericho elbow, elbow, D-Von right - and a death suplex. Leg is hooked - but Jericho only gets 2. Tag to Rock...but Jericho and Rock bump chests on the exchange, elevating the level of tension just a smidge more. Rock gives Jericho a long look - but goes back to D-Von - right, into the opposite corner, clothesline out. Rock STILL looks to Jericho - D-Von rammed into Jericho's boot, tag, is Rock barking orders? Elbow by Jericho, D-Von sat on top - right, leg positioned, right, finished up the straddle of the top turnbuckle - meanwhile, Stacy is up on the apron and distracting referee "Blind" Earl Hebner - Bubba Ray is ready to come in, but Rock heads him off with a right hand. Jericho up to the second rope...but Bubba Ray manages to get underneath Jericho - he lets go of D-Von - Jericho on Bubba Ray's shoulders and D-Von on the top rope - DUDLEY DEVICE! Bubba Ray drops the fist. Measured neckbreaker. Crowd starts to clap for Jericho - but Bubba Ray stays in control with a suplex. Tag to D-Von. Snapmares him over - to the headlock. Jericho fights back to his feet - elbow, forearm, forearm, forearm, off the ropes but into a Dudley powerslam - 1, 2, no! Tag to Bubba Ray. D-Von holds him open for the kick. Right hand to the jaw. Overhead right to the back. Open-handed slap. Into the ropes, clothesline, free shot for the Rock, sending him to the floor - Jericho dragged to the wrong part of Dudleyville for a doubleteam stompdown while Hebner is busy keeping Rock out of the ring. No tag on the exchange - how DASTARDLY. 1, 2, Jericho kicks out. Tag to Bubba Ray - open right. Into the ropes, head down, Jericho with a kick...and then an enzuigiri. Rock really wants that tag - and so does the crowd. Jericho reaches...tag to D-Von - HOT TAG TO ROCK! Right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, flying clothesline by the Rock! Free shot for Bubba Ray to keep HIM out - spinebuster for D-Von - Rock removing the elbowpad...but Bubba Ray is back in and bowling him over - ROCK NIPS UP! Right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Bubba Ray goes out - quick People's Elbow for D-Von - 1, 2, Bubba Ray makes it back in to break it up! Bubba Ray with a death suplex for Rock (watch Rock get his arm behind his head - the man looks SCARED taking that bump) - Jericho back in - bulldog for Bubba Ray! Jericho dropkicks Bubba Ray outside and goes out after him - into the commentary table they go. Jericho climbing up to unleash another missile dropkick - ohhh no D-Von and Rock look pretty close in proximity - sure enough, D-Von pulls Rock into the path of the oncoming dropkick and he takes it. Bubba Ray puts Jericho through the ropes. Crowd chants "3D" - into the ropes - but Jericho flies in to take down Bubba Ray as Rock stops, kicks D-Von - ROCK BOTTOM!! 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a buttload of new champions tonight. (We saw 7:42) Stephanie & Shane attempt to emote but just end up looking blank instead. Rock gets all three title belts - Jericho looks concerned. Rock tosses Jericho a tag team championship belt - Jericho wants his WCW title. Rock looks long and hard at Jericho...undoes the belt...and eventually places it across Jericho's shoulder. Rock takes a long walk around Jericho - Rock says something like "never EVER" something to Jericho...then leaves the ring. The last shot is of Rock up on the stage, while behind him on the EntertainmentTron, Jericho holds both belts up high.
Back to Linda and Vince - big hug. "You know what - this has been a great night for the World Wrestling Federation...and you know what I'm thinking, I'm thinking this is cause for a celebration of sorts." "Well ah, what'd you have in mind?" "Why don't we start with this..." THERE'S the kiss! Ugh, that's it...I'm outta here.