no, it ain't over yet, not by a long shot. Trish and Stacy
tussle tonight in a BRAWN PANTIES match! Oh, and the Rock takes on Kurt
Angle & Chris Jericho in a handicap match but it won't have any bras or
panties in it. All this, plus JR says "Oklahoma" FOUR HUNDRED TIMES over
the course of just over two hours! Back in fourteen!
TNG: "Unnatural Selection" demonstrates why Diana Muldaur's Dr. Pulaski actually WAS a GOOD cast member despite the fact that most everyone hated her on the show. A fine episode with good performances, most notably my main man Chief O'Brien actually participating in a senior staff meeting AND saving the doc's life at the end of the show (and getting NO credit in the process! How do you like that!) Anyway - a good show. Don't let the Pulaski-hatas get you down.
QUICK QUOTE: Despite the shocking revelation that Ric Flair was revealed as a 50% owner, stock in the WWF still traded as normal....well, whatever "normal" can be considered these days. WWF 12.74 (+ .49, last year: 14 1/8, two years ago: 20 15/16)
Back to One World Leader Attitude - TV-14-DLV - CC - WWF!
Earlier Today, Ric Flair paced! And Vince McMahon entered! "Hey, Ric - partner! How ya doin'?" "Vince, how are you." "Good, good." "Hey, you know I respect ya - and I respect what you've done in this great sport - but ya really, really wore me out at SmackDown! We're partners THREE DAYS and you're talkin' down to me on national TV - talkin' down Woooo! to the Nature Boy Ric Flair. Then ya take Jericho and put him in a handicap match, and then Regal and five guys jump on Austin and leave him layin'. I'm 50% owner here - we're patners - we work together! From now on, nothin' goes down that I don't know about! Fair enough?" Uneasy handshake. "Fair enough. I think I have a way to make it up to you, Ric. No no - I think you're gonna like this, it's big, okay? Bear with me. Okay? You're all right?" "I'm back - I'm back."
PYRO OUT - WE ARE LIVE from the Unnamed Arena in Oklahoma City, OK 26.11.1 and transmitido en espanol SAP! Also, there are people in WWF New York! This is THE NEW TNN and the same old crappy TSN. Move along...
TONIGHT: Trish vs. Stacy in a bra and panties match!
TONIGHT: Rock vs. Angle & Jericho in a handicap match!
THE ASS leads KURT ANGLE to the ring to "No Chance in Hell" - no sign of the Ass in McMahon's entrance video yet, thank God. "Well well! You know, one week ago tonight, one week ago, we had our first inductee in the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club." Oh oh... "And I've gotta admit, it felt good. I'll admit something else - I LIKE people kissin' my ass! It feels good! And tonight, a second individual will join the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club right here tonight. And before I reveal that individual's name, allow me to introduce to you an Olympic champion, an Olympic Hero, an American Hero, a WWF hero ("No Chance in Hell" briefly plays but they catch it), a man who has never kissed my ass - the first-ever soon to be undisputed WWF Champion, Kurt Angle!" Handshake. "You know, all my life..." "Ang Gull Sux!" "No I don't suck, I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist. You know, all my life, I've always been a winner. Ever since I was a little kid growing up in my neighbourhood, I was the toughest kid in my block. Nobody EVER stepped foot in the neighbourhood sandbox unless I said so. Then, came the Boy Scouts. Oh yeah. I was the absolute toughest, most decorated Boy Scout in the history. My Boy Scout leader told me I was special - many times! Then came high school, where I was all-state athletics, all-honours in academics, I was the toughest kid in the glee club, not to mention the prom king. And then I got a full scholarship to Clarion Universtiy where I won two national titles in wrestling...not to mention, I grauduated magnum cum laude - for you people in Oklahoma that means top honours. ["Ass hole!"]" Vince takes the mic. "Would you people please show a little, just a little bit of respect!" "Then came a little thing called...The Olympics. In 1996, I won an Olympic Gold Medal for the United States of America - and I became the best in the whole, entire world. But that wasn't it, that was just the beginning...because then I joined the World Wrestling Federation and won every title there is to win. Which leads me to right now. In less than two weeks at Ven gea nce, for the first time ever in the history of this business, we will crown an undisputed champion of the world. Oh yeah - an undisputed world champion. And I will face Stone Cold Steve Austin for the WWF title. And when I beat Stone Cold, the winner of the Rock...and Y2J for the World Championship will have to face me - and they will bow in defeat, as I will become the first-ever undisputed world champion, oh it's true, it's damn true! And Mr. McMahon, you're right - I'm not an asskisser - by the way, how was your Thanksgiving?" "Mine was great, Kurt, how was yours? Matter of fact, we have a little Thanksgiving footage we would like to share with the many of you who did not see this...let's roll the footage - this little incident that occurred on Thanksgiving - there, uh, Stone Cold Steve Austin - yeah, go ahead, thinks he's having his way with William Regal [actually, that's Kurt Angle from Monday] - oh, but look, who comes to save the day - look at this, that son of a bitch attacked me! Oh yeah, well, then what happened to old Stone Cold just a little bit later on, huh? [Now on SmackDown!] All right - Stone Cold gets a couple of points - and then all hell breaks loose. Look at this - Austin is mauled. And then, William Regal - oh ho - you can hear Austin scream. It was a magnificent Thanksgiving. Which brings up, certainly, one point I wanna make and that is: you see, there's a moral to that story. That is that Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't want any more of Mr. McMahon. You see, Austin learned his lesson before, and he damn sure doesn't want to go through McMahon/Austin II. That's just a little sample of what would happen if Stone Cold continues to cross Yours Truly and Kurt Angle. So therefore, I don't think it's too much to ask if, tonight, Mr. McMahon takes his jacket off, drops his trousers.....pulls my underwear down so all you can see my magnificent keister...it's not too much to ask for Stone Cold to come out and kiss my ass. And if he knows what's good for him, that's exactly what will happen, right here tonight, here in Oklahoma City. I thank you very much!" Vince raises Angle's arm - ewww, pit stains!
Regal is jubilant at the news, and amuses the Dudleyz, Christian and Test with his imitation. Regal reminds the rest of them that Austin will probably try to seek some revenge on them for Thursday and suggests they stick together no matter what - if they have a match, if they go to the carpark, even if they have to go to the toilet (facial expressions change). Ric Flair lets himself in and congratulates them on their magnificent five-on-one performance tonight. But the deal is no interference in any of their matches tonight or they'll be suspended. Test says "not me" 'cause he's got immunity, but Flair reminds him that his immunity is from being fired...not suspended. Christian calls timeout. "I have to defend my championship of Europe next against Jeff Hardy, that means...I have to go out by myself?" Flair says right. Regal says if they can't interfere, then Austin can't interfere either. Flair says he'll keep Austin away, but he can't control him in the backstage area. "Rattlesnakes are hard to handle when they're mad. Woooo!" He leaves them to again discuss sticking together...while WE take our first ad break.
THQ's "SmackDown! Just Bring It" for the PS2 ad
"Super Smash Brothers" ad - head over to smashsweeps.com to win a trip to the WWF Entertainment Complex! Oh boy!
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: JEFF HARDY (with Lita - and Let Us Take You Back to Survivor Series, Courtesy WWF Home Video) v. CHRISTIAN - Poor Jeff is STILL holding his back from the swantonbomb off the cage through the table, which you see here. Is it just me or did referee "Blind" Brian Webber (Hebner) just move back to the WWF despite the fact that all the WCW referees were out of a job after Survivor Series? Hardy ducks the first punch, right, right, right, kick caught, mule kick lands, right, right, whip is reversed but Hardy flips out of the hiptoss attempt...then collapses (he's light headed you see - more than normal or something) - perpendicular backbreaker by Christian gets 2. Stomp, stomp - MATT HARDY is out to argue with Lita about Jeff competing tonight. Christian working him over in the corner but we're watching Lita and Matt. Chop by Christian - chop - pulled out by the hair - blow to the back of the head - stomp, stomp, standing on the neck - Matt doing a lot of yelling. Right by Christian - Hardy still stuck to the mat. "How's it feel boy?" Jeff lunges and misses - and again. Christian looks right at Matt, winds up, but Jeff blocks it and comes back - right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Hardy with a flying clothesline. Dropkick! Double leg takedown - speaking in tongues legdrop - but he gets woozy and doesn't execute - so Christian kicks him in the head. Tomokaze attempt countered - neckbreaker by Hardy! Matt screaming at him to make the cover...but Jeff would rather climb to the top rope and go for the swantonbomb...Christian has enough time to roll outside. Jeff is ready to leap to the floor instead - but Matt blocks his path. While they argue, Christian recovers - shoves Matt into the post, sending Jeff flying to the mat - Christian back in to fold up Jeff - 1, 2, 3. (3:01) Give it a replay.
Behind the door with the "STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN" placard on it...well, MAYBE something's happening.
Rob van Dam limbers up - pshaw, I've seen Steve Blackman do that a MILLION times. Anyway, he defends his hardcore title against D-Von Dudley - NEXT!
Hey! The Rock's on the cover of TV Guide this week! Don't believe us? Take a look here!
Trainer Chris works on Jeff as Lita looks concerned - and Matt tells him he's stupid. See, Matt's RIGHT. Matt's all "Ever since we were kids, I've been trying to protect you" and Jeff's all "Ever since we were kids, you've been trying to RUN MY LIFE." Lita tries to stop their argument but Matt tells her "Look, shut up! Please, you're not in this." "I thought you were in here 'cause you cared about Jeff. It's pretty obvious the only thing you care about is yourself." Women. "Who feels stupid now, Matt?" "Lita!..."
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: D-VON DUDLEY (with Let Us Take You Back One Week) v. POINTS TO SELF - van Dam makes the mistake of pointing to himself in the ring - so Dudley clocks him with a STOP sign. Stomp, stomp, outside for a garbage can...which van Dam dropkicks into dudley - on the apron - moonsault to the floor! Cover - 1, 2, kickout. OH NO VAN DAM PISSED HIS PANTS AGAIN - kick, Dudley in the ring, van Dam in, kick, right, into the opposite corner is reversed - boot up but Dudley catches it - switch in the corner - but Dudley counters and powerbombs him down. Stomp, right, garbage can lid in hand - WHACK! Chair in hand - chair in the corner. Lugz Replay of the lid shot. Straight right by Dudley - whip into the chrir - no, van Dam reverses, reverses back to the non-chair corner, then superkicks as Dudley bounces out. The chair fell out, so van Dam grabs it - somersault leaving the chair behind - but Dudley's not in the corner anymore - second rope running hangman's neckbreaker (!) onto the chair! Testify dance - cover - 1, 2, yeah right van Dam's gonna get pinned by D-Von Dudley. Give it a Lugz Replay anyway. Dudley chats with referee "Blind" Teddy Long as Ross blames the "rain dance." Scoop - van Dam frees himself and connects with a roundhouse kick. Vaults up top - but Dudley shoves Long into the ropes, crotching van Dam on top. Right hand by D-Von - lidshot - climbing to the second rope... superplex coming up - van Dam fighting it - right to the body, right, right, shoving D-Von off and he lands on the chair - Fivestar frog splash on the chair - and D-Von sells it OLD SCHOOL STYLE twitchy witchy - 1, 2, 3. (3:19)
The other four guys are unhappy. Regal says he needs to go to the loo - the WC - Test and Bubba Ray are confused, but Christian speaks fluent European and relates that he needs to take a bathroom trip. "Look, you never know where Stone Cold Steve Austin's gonna strike - that's exactly why we need to go together - now come on, I'm bursting!" Bubba Ray: "I ain't holding nothin'!"
"SmackDown! Just Bring It" ad #2
"WWF Desire" Special Video Look at Edge - you go see SmackDown!, I FUHFUHWID
Here's a look at the exterior of the.....umm, whatever it's called.
Ha ha, everybody's pissin' - there's a noise at the door and everybody has a start - but it's not Austin, it's the Big Show. Regal sneaks a peak and is aghast. Another slam - it's D-Von this time...and somehow, in the process, Regal...well, sprays some stuff on Show's leg. Show ain't too pleased. Everybody scatters...
I GET LETTERS: Jason Hoagland writes: William Regal was quite astounded by the Size of the Big Show, but Val Venis has been, inthe past, puzzled as to why he's called the Big Show. So does this mean that Regal is shockingly small or Val is amazingly, well, Holmesian?
Well, he WAS a porn star...and yet, Show is "big all over..." or so his T-shirts said...wow, I'm really puzzled by this apparent non-continuity. I'm sure if I weren't completely sleep deprived I could weave it together.
Here's the slow pan upwards on Stacy. MICHAEL KING COLE manages to keep his eyes upward asking why she thinks she can win tonight in a bra and panties match given that she sucked on SmackDown! "Michael, when I'm in my bra and panties, I always come out on top." I don't even know what that MEANS!
UP NEXT: Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler in a Bra & Panties Match
That be a nothin' segment yo
WWF Home Video ad - "Hardy Boyz: Leap of Faith" and "Unforgiven" available THIS month!
Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER. They want to see Regal piss on Show again - looks like the Magistrator is back, although it's now called the Royal Telestrator... Did we need to see this again?
During the Break, Big Show exited from behind the door with the RIC FLAIR placard on it, saying Thank You. WHATEVER COULD HAVE HAPPENED?????
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: STACY KEIBLER (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) v. TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL in a Bra & Panties Match - coming up tonight, the Big Show takes on William Regal (NO WAY DUDE)! I don't write up bra & panties matches BECAUSE I'M SO BUSY BEATING OFF TO THEM. Seriously, the highlight of the match is me laughing at referee "Blind" Jack Doan starting a three count, forgetting the stips of this match. Stacy loses her pants, but pulls them back up. Trish loses her top. Stacy loses HER top. Crowd hoots and hollers. Lawler says "giblets." Stratus goes for Stratusfaction but Stacy manoeuvres her legs between the ropes and into a crotchin'. There's the hairstandhandpull - but Stratus manages to hook her arms into a rollup - 1, 2, WHY IS DOAN COUNTING - and off comes the bottoms. But the bell hasn't rung! I give up. Stratus with a kick - leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3. Well shoot, and here I thought I knew what the rules of a "bra & panties are." Nonetheless, champ retains. Is this the longest match of the night? Close? Ugh. (3:15)
The Rock - is - WALKING!
In a way, it's cool to have Lord of the Rings goblets, because commemorative glasses from Burger King seems like such a 70s style promotion - and, hell, Lord of the Rings seems so 70s as well so it works perfectly!
WWF - live! Tomorrow, Wichita! Saturday, the Joe in Detroit! Sunday, Champaign! Next week, Milwaukee hosts RAW! And the Allstate Arena gets the Tuesday show! There's NOTHING like it!
THE ROCK (with RAW credits, Transmitido en espanol SAP, TV-14-DLV, CC and LIVE! boxes) hits the ring and poses at at least two of the four corners. I HOPE HE SINGS!!!! "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Oklahoma City! .... ["Rock E!"] .... In less than two weeks from now, at Ven gea nce, history will be made. There will be one ONE Undisputed Champion. Now last time the Rock checked, there were two champions - WWF Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin...and World Champion - People's Champion......the Rock. ["Rock E!"] It seems like everybody is hyped up here in Oklahoma City! [Yeah, but there's a guy in Sunnyvale who's REALLY REALLY BORED] Oh the Rock is right there with you, he's just as hyped, but...the Rock has never claimed to be a genius, but the Rock figures this: if you have two champions, and you wanna have one champion, would it not make sense to have the two champions face each other? Like the Rock said, he's no genius, so People, you gotta help the Rock out on this: would it not make sense to have Stone Cold Steve Austin face the Rock, one on one, champion versus champion....nonononono, champion versus chapion, undisputed champion rematch, WrestleMania, THE biggest, the world will ever see! But obviously, Vince McMahon doesn't see that logic. Vince McMahon woke up one morning and said - 'champion versus champion? That's absurd. Quite frankly, that's reediculous. That doesn't make sense, but what does make sense is that I put two losers like Chris Jericho, Kurt Angle in the ring one more time to get their ass whooped. However, what does make even more sense is that I drop my pants and have a grown man kiss my ass! Oh ho ho, oh ho, Mr. McMahon's not done yet, no no no, yeah I figured what I'd do is I'd go to the nearest forest and find a...a woodchuck and then I'll have that woodchuck nnnnnibble on my scrotum! Oh yes, yeah, oh yes, that's right, pal, oh yes, that's right, oh, but Mr. McMahon's not done yet, people, no no no. Then what I figured what I'd do, I'd go find the nearest forest here in Oklahoma City, and I'd find a, uh, I'd find a deer - and then what I'd like to have that deer to is to stick his antlers right up my billion dollar (beep), yeah. Oh yes! Oh hello, Mr. Deer, how are ya? Vince McMahon, good to meetcha. Go ahead, Mr. Deer. Go ahead, oh yeah, Vince McMahon has had this done before, yes, go ahead...go ahead, mmmMOO, that's okay - woo hoo HOO hoo - oh, wow, now we're talkin', now we're talkin', Deer. You see, now that does make sense, because I'm Vince McMahon and I can do anything, dammit, ha ha ha ha! Ah ha OOH hoo hoo, oh ho, oh very good oh very oh VERY good,' aw shut your mouth, Vince McMahon, ya antler lovin' (beep). ["Rock E!"] You see, Vince McMahon, you wanna do things your way? Fine. You wanna throw the Rock in a handicap tag team match on SmackDown!? Fine. Handicap match tonight with the Rock? Fine. But the Rock says this: Vince McMahon, come Ven gea nce, two weeks from now, you can do anything you want to the Rock, the fact is at Ven gea nce, in front of the millions...of Rock's fans, what the Roc--" The Y2J countdown interrupts at this point - this seems familiar... hey look, it's EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO I SAID EGO DO YOU HEAR ME EGO EGO EGO EGO GOD DAMMIT YOU WILL ASSOCIATE THIS MAN WITH THE WORD EGO IF IT KILLS ME EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO "Millions, huh? It's funny, Therock, that you mention the millions. 'cause there was the millions that have led me to a certain epiphany - yeah, last week on SmackDown!, when I beat you *with your very own move*....I had a moment of clarity. And in that moment I realised what the problem with Y2J *was*. I realised what the biggest weakness of Y2J was! And you know what it was? ["You suck!" I don't think that was it.] Yeah, that weakness was...I cared. I actually cared about what the People thought about me. I actually cared about their opinions! When I arrived at an arena, I wasn't concerned with how I was gonna win my match tonight; no, I was concerned with how I was going to entertain the people. Well you know what? You know what? That was a lot of fun but let's be honest: where did that EVER GET ME? Where did that ever get me? And now, I have turned the biggest turning point in my career when I stop worrying about the millions and started worrying about the one - the one that I've neglected more than any, and that one was me: Y2J. And now, as a result of that, I have become an even bigger star than I ever could have imagine, a bigger star than even these people could have imagined, I have become LARGER THAN LLLLLLIFE! And now I'm completely focused on the task at hand, Therock, and that is beating the living hell out of you at Ven gea nce and becoming the Undisputed Champion, and further cementing my status as the new living legend of the World Wrestling Federation!" "Rock E!" "So you wanna be a living legend? Oh, you're gonna be a legend all right, Chris Jericho. Because it's at Ven gea nce that all these people, the FORMER Jerichoholics are gonna witness the Rock beat you, 'cause it's gonna be at Ven gea nce that the Rock whoops your ass, and the Rock is gonna whoop your ass tonight, oh yeah yeah yeah - yeah - the Rock is gonna whoop your ass at Ven gea nce, the Rock is gonna whoop your ass tonight, and the Rock won't stop WON'T STOP until he goes into Ven gea nce, walks out Undisputed Champion AND since ya walked out and interrupted the Rock in the first place, you straight punk (beep).... this, one time, is for you on behalf of the millions....and millions IF YA SMELLLLLLLALALALALALALOOWWWWWW what the Rock is cookin'!" Jericho uses subtle hand signals to remind the Rock it's later tonight and it's one on two on one (huh?)
"SmackDown! Just Bring It" ad #...3?
Local ad hypes the 8 December Rock/Austin match at the Compaq Center in San Jose - probably a good chance to see the PPV matches being practiced the night before Ven gea nce
The Boot of the Week is brought to you by Lugz! From Thursday, Test interferes in the Edge/Christian IC match and I think a boot may actually be involved in the Boot of the Week, for once!
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION: KING EDGE v. TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST - Champion enters first because he has Rob Zombie music, I guess. For a change, Test enters between the top and middle rope instead of Dieseling over. Test with a knee to start, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, but Edge gets the elbow up - second rope clothesline finds the mark, leg is hooked - but only 2. Elbow, into the ropes, reversed, Edge ducks the clothesline, but Test buries the knee. Six quick rights from Test. Head to the buckle, right, back elbow, right, back elbow. Back elbow, foot on the neck for 4. Test glowers at referee "Blind" Tim White and goes back to work - into the opposite corner, follow lariat. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Test thought it was 3. Edge tries to come back - right, right, right, Test with a knee. Verticaul suplex attempt is countered - Edge with the reverse Slop Drop. Clothesline - Test ducks the next one, but Edge connects with the Viscrea. Edge put into the ropes, head down, Edge kicks. Test ducks a swing, tries for a death suplex, but Edge escapes and hits the Edge-omatic for 2. Edge right, into the ropes, reversed, Wotsitolla Boot DUCKED, Edge gutshot, Edgecution doesn't happen - Test with Uncle Slam. Test going for the ol' feet on the ropes cover - 1, 2, White notices and stops. Test again gets on White's case for not getting to 3. Gutshot by Test - pumphandle - but Edge goes down the back to evade the Meltdown - gutshot by Test again - powerbomb countered with a Frankensteiner! Edge ready for the SPEAR - but Test puts White in the oncoming path! Test *does* hit the Wotsitolla Boot but White is already weakly calling for the bell (DQ 3:33) Test goes outside and brings a chair back in...but before he can use it, SCOTTY 2 HOTTY & YAAAAAAALBERT are out - Albert grabs the chair, Test ducks, superkick by Hotty - Albert whips Hotty whips Albert into a yaaaaavalanche - and Edge DOES hit the spear. Play Edge's music! Replays. Can we call these three guys Team SAE?
Angle and McMahon share a private moment. "Don't worry about this (???) You got bigger things to think about. Like, which cheek are you gonna have Stone Cold Steve Austin kiss, huh?" They share a laugh. "Well, quite frankly, I haven't decided, I mean, uh....you know, I... I'm not too sure if it's gonna be the right cheek or the left cheek or whether or not I'm gonna wait for him to just (sound effects) pucker up and just BACK one up right in there when he's not expecting it, you know..." "You know, that is gonna be a moment. I'm really counting on that, I'm really waiting on that moment." "It's a moment, yeah." "You know what, though? If there's one thing that's the most pathetic thing in the world, it's an asskisser." "Come in...I'd have to agree with that." "Mr. McMahon." "Hey, how you doing there, William?" "Hullo, Kurt, how are you, nice to see you." "Regal, are you prepared for your match with Big Show?" "Well actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, I mean can you not pull a few strings, I mean I don't want to bloody fight the Big Show; I've just urinated all over him - he's gonna rip me apart!" "Understand I've got a partner now, I can't pull all these strings but I can do a little something for you with...." Vince turns his back to the camera and says something. "And the other thing is, just a word of advice would be..." and he whispers something. Regal brightens. "So, uh..." "Right you are, thank you." "Good luck, Mr. Regal in your match." "Thank you, thank you. Bye bye." "He's quite the gentlemen." "Yeah, don't kiss any ass, Regal." Vince elbow Angle - but Angle's grinning broadly. When'd HE get so damn clever?
Hey! I just saw Booker T! He told me I was watching the NEW TNN! (Also it said "RAW is WAR" - oops)
The Foot Locker logo briefly obstructs my view of the EXCITING DOOR with "STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN" on it
KISS ASSMAN (with Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight - again - and RAW is brought to you by Foot Locker - DUH - the JVC GigaTube and Snickers Cruncher!) v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - Show still ain't too happy. Regal tries a forearm before Show can get in - forearm, forearm, Show shoves him away - then presses him back in the ring. Show in, the bell doesn't ring but referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas does call for it. Well it's the big headbutt. Well it's the big right hand. Knee, knee, knee, right, right, open-handed slap. Into the opposite corner...no, whipped back to the first corner, well it's a big avalanche splash. DOWN COME THE STRAPS but WHOA NAPPY T is out from the crowd in streety clothes - Show brings him in the hard way - Regal has brass knux!! Show falls from the loaded left - TIMMMMMMBERRRRRRRR - Regal covers as we watch SECURITY chase Booker out of the arena - 1, 2, 3! (Call it 1:01) Regal manages to make it without bloodying his nose - although his chest is bright red.
Let Us Take You Back To Moments Ago - or you can just reread the previous paragraph
The JVC Blast of the Night is brought to you by the GigaTube! From SmackDown!, Vince is ready to chair Taker - but all HE wants is respect...
Undertaker pays a happy Vince a visit - but he's got a hand for Vince to talk to. "Since when do you send for me?" "Look, I asked you to come here tonight to ask you, did you have a good Thanksgiving?" "Like you give a damn." "I do care." "Oh really." "Yeah. I mean, it was me (Mr. McMahon) that put you in the main event against my so-called Boy Kurt Angle on Thanksgiving night. You remember that?" "Mm hmm - what do you want, a thank you?" "I didn't ask for one, I asked you if you had a good Thanksgiving, and I know you did, and I wanna clear up one thing right now. When I came down to that ring with the chair in my hand, do you know what I was gonna do with it?" "Why don't you tell me?" "If you didn't let go of Kurt Angle....I was gonna knock the hell outta you." "Is that right?" "Yeah...'cause I care." "You WHAT?" "'cause I care. You see, I've been caring for eleven long years." "You have a funny way of showing it." "Maybe I do. When you said in the ring Thanksgiving night you were just looking for a little respect, that's all I've ever given you for eleven long years is nothing but respect because...I never had to look behind me to know you were there. I took it for granted. Yes, I did. In a roundabout way, Dead Man, that's the ultimate respect you can pay somebody - to take for granted they're gonna be there through the thick and the thin, when everybody else runs and flees like rabbits, you were right there. I could count on you, that's resepct, you think about that. Now then, you think about something else: you owe me." "I what? Wait a minute, I didn't hear you." "You OWE me." "Oh, do tell." "Because, you see, you're the real deal. You are the American Badass, there's nobody like you. You kick ass, yeah, major league, but you do it here in the World Wrestling Federation...if you were to kick ass on the outside, they call that assault & battery, your ass would be in jail. You do what you do here in the World Wrestling Federation, thank you, Mr. McMahon. And one other thing I want you to think about." "What's that?" "You may not agree, but in my view, you and me....we're a lot alike." Vince walks off to leave Taker...puzzled.
Look! Times Square! WWF New York!
Inside is LANCE STORM. The tight camera view leads me to believe he's serving fries or something. Listen for the cue. "What am I doing now? I'm biding my time. I'm waiting for the perfect moment to come back and get my revenge, and believe me, JR, I will have it. 'cause truth be told, I'm too big of a talent to be ignored, too great of an athlete to be held back, and some day...I'll get my spot. And some day, I will wreak havoc--" Pull back. "Hey Storm! When you're through mopping the floor, there's a toilet in the back that's not gonna unclog itself!"
Last Thursday, Lilian Garcia sang "Living in America" for about ten seconds during NBC's broadcast of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Here's a short clip!
UP NEXT: Rock vs. Angle & Jericho - it's a handicap match and it's NEXT!
Local ad for Ven gea nce is all about Triple H - oops - also they sneak in another graphic for the 8 Dec San Jose house show
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO and KURT ANGLE (with Lugz presents Ven gea nce in thirteen days!) v. THE ROCK in a handicap match - before the match gets underway, THE MAN comes out to say a few words - and maybe insert Austin into this match? "Hey Woooo! I don't think my business partner will mind at all the fact that I'm changin' this handicap match into a tag match Woooo! so without further ado Wooooo! the Rock's partner, KANE. Woooo! Woooo!
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO & KURT ANGLE v. ROCK & KANE - Angle and Jericho quickly get to work on Rock before Kane can get into the ring. Double whip into the ropes - but Rock hits a double flying clothesline! Jericho put outside, where Kane is waiting. Jericho dropped on the barricade - Angle tries a whip, but Rock reverses into a clothesline. Right for Jericho, right, right, NOW KISS THAT oh Angle caught him in a German suplex before the spit punch could land. Doubleteam stompdown while referee "Blind" Earl Hebner tries to get Kane into his corner. Front face by Angle - into a snap suplex. Jericho wants the tag. Crowd chants "Rock E" - tag. Angle holds up Rock - right by Jericho, right, right, off the ropes, big clothesline. Head to the buckle - chop, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, talking to Hebner...allowing Rock to come back - right, right, right, whip is reversed, and Jericho hits the bulldog - 1, 2, no. Tag to Angle - held open for the kick. Right hand by Angle, right, into the ropes, belly-to-belly overhead suplex by Angle. LIVE! Right by Angle, pulled into the ropes, reversed, Samoan Drop by the Rock! Ross: "Rock DESPERATELY needs to make the tag!" What, it hasn't even been three minutes! Slow crawls by both men - tag to Kane! Right hand, right, right, Angle backed into the corner, whip out, follow lariat. Into the ropes, scooped up, powerslammed down. Big boot as Jericho comes in. Angle put in the corner, double choke - but Jericho from behind to break it up. Kane right on Jericho - Angle right on Kane, right, into the ropes is reversed, big boot ducked - caught in a choke - but Jericho hits a missile dropkick right to Kane's head. Rock tries to come in, ensuring Hebner misses the doubleteaming hijinks behind his back. Jericho puts Kane's head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, tag to Angle, kick by Angle, right, Kane right, Angle right, Kane right, right, Jericho holds him back - Angle with a shoulder in the gut...and tag - Jericho with a forearm. Knee by Jericho - Angle rejoins him - DOUBLE snap suplex!! Jericho hooks a leg - 1, 2, Kane kicks out. Tag to Angle - held open for the shot to the ribs. Right, right, right, Angle whips, Kane reverses, Angle goes behind - but Kane breaks the waistlock! Angle sent into the corner - back elbow up by Angle...but Angle runs smack dab into a powerslam! Rock wants that tag - he also wants Jericho to get a tag as well - and he gets both his wishes - right for Jericho, right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Jericho leaps over the top to the floor. Angle brought in the hard way - into the ropes, belly to belly throw, tossed over the top to the floor, spinebuster for Jericho as he comes back in, into the Sharpshooter.....but Angle breaks it up. Kane off the top with the flying clothesline to Angle! Angle rolls outside, Kane follows. Jericho waits for Rock to get up to give him Rock Bottom gain - but Rock elbows out (three back elbow) - gutshot, DDT, leg is hooked, 1, 2, 3! Holy crap! Rock wins with the DDT! (7:00) Kane walks off before Rock can thank him - not that he would've, mind you, but...Rock poses...ready to leave, but he looks back and sees Jericho getting up - Rock back in - Rock waits - ROCK BOTTOM! Play his music again! Rock leaves the ring this time...or does he? He looks back - I think the crowd wants him to do it again. This time, he leaves the ring and brings back a chair...but Kurt Angle pulls Jericho out before he can connect with it. Play his music again again! You know, there's STILL about twenty minutes left in this show....don't tell me another long, loving tribute to Vince's...
Vince addresses the five members of the Alliance - they get the last laugh tonight - there's not a damn thing Mr. Flair can do about Austin kissing his ass in the ring tonight. Regal says to thank him for the gift he'd given him earlier tonight, he'd like to return the favour...and presents Vince with a tube of ChapStik. Vince makes sure the five have his back. "...and, uh...Austin's gonna have MY back."
The EXCITING DOOR is open - Austin is gone, but there's empty Bud cans littering the dressing room...
"SmackDown! Just Bring It" ad #4 (I think)
By the way, we're LIVE! and here come THE ASS just one more time. I ask you: who - WHO decided that the solution to the sagging ratings was "wow, Vince McMahon needs to bare his ass on WWF TV. That - THAT WILL FIX EEEEEEEVERYTHING!" "All right, let's get on with it - cut the music. In just a moment, Mr. McMahon is gonna drop his trou...I'm gonna take my jacket off, I'm gonna pull down my underwear...and Stone Cold Steve Austin's gonna kiss my ass! But for, for the few Stone Cold fans that are here tonight, let me just say that, no, hang on, let me just say this - Stone Cold is not gonna do anything that each and every one of you wouldn't do yourselves. Oh, come on....c'mon, you kiss your boss' ass, don't tell me you don't! Come on...when you look in the mirra, when each and every one of you look in the mirra, you see a genuine asskisser, that's what you see! Now don't be upset if Austin simply does exactly what all of you would do, so with that in mind, please welcome the next individual, the second man who joins the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club, Stone Cold Steve Austin! Dammit - St--" Crash. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN *is* out, one final beer in hand. "Ahh, you can obviously see Mr. Austin's enjoying a little liquid courage. I mean, come on - it's not like you have to kiss some big ol' fat greasy hairy Oklahoma ass. Come on. I've got a nice ass. And it's worthy of being kissed because we wanna end this thing once and for all, so I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I say we get down to business." Jacket off. "I say, it's time...for you to get on your knees." "What?" "I said it's time for you to get on your knees." "What?" "You don't wanna do this--" "What?" "You don't wanna have McMahon/Austin II." "What?" "You wanna end this tonight by publicly kissin' my ass and it's over." "Let me think about it." Austin downs the rest of his beer. One more tossed to him. "Well, uh...while you're--" "I'm still thinking about it." "Are you gonna kiss my ass or not?" "You know I've been thinking about that Vince, and in the last few months, I've seen ya for what you are. I think I've gotten a little smarter in the process.....I don't want Austin versus McMahon II. It's time for Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vince McMahon to bury the hatchet." "Exactly my point. So pucker up..." There go the pants...shimmy shimmy. "You're about the ugliest stripper I've ever seen in my life. Is that supposed to be sexy?" "Before you kiss my ass, hang on a second. Your lips look like they could use a little of this." ChapStik passed. "If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this the right way." "Well, if you're gonna do it the right way, then...your breath smells like beer. Here's some gum." "Does it really smell that ba?" Chew chew chew. "All right..." "This is something you said anybody here would do, right?" "There's absolutely no doubt. Now hang on...I just happen to have a bottle of mouthwash with me, imagine that. Gargle before you kiss my ass." "Now you're starting to get on my nerves." Gum spit out. "But if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this the right way. That's the way Stone Cold Steve Austin does things." Gargle gargle spit bleah. "You satisfied yet?" "On your knees." Down comes the skivvies. "Go ahead - take a look at that ass - there's not one blemish, not one blemish on the beautiful ass, not one. That's it." Austin clears his throat. "Before you - before I kiss your ass, can you make it do one of those tricks you're talkin' about?" Vince complies. "Now dammit, let's get on with it." "And if I kiss your ass that means it's over between you and me, right?" "That's exactly right. Now...kiss....my....ass." "Austin's pretty close... "Ya ever use any toilet paper? You gotta understand how hard this is fer me." "I don't have all night, dammit. Kiss my ass and it's over between us. Now dammit, do just like any of these people would do - pucker up and kiss - my - ass!" Austin sighs, drops the mic - and uppernuts McMahon! Austin removes his belt and starts whipping Vince's bare ass. I didn't need to see this. Here come THE DUDLEY BOYZ not too soon - WILLIAM REGAL, CHRISTIAN and TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST complete the quintet. Crowd chants "Rock E" but that ain't gona happen. As they take Austin out of the ring, over the barricade and out through the crowd, we're left examining the - err - stripes - on the Ass. KURT ANGLE is out to offer....moral support. Replay away. Ross laughs loud and long to let you know how hilarious it is. In fact, this is start to look like REALLY BAD ACTING by Ross. Vince notices. "Hey - hey! Hey - you laugh at me, Hillbilly Boy? All you people laugh at me (Vince McMahon)? I'll give you something to laugh at. Vince and Angle leave the ring, collect Ross and drag him into the ring. Ohhhhh... "All right - hey - it's real funny, isn't it, huh? Hey JR! It's real funny, isn't it, huh? All you people laughin' at me (Vince McMahon). Well guess what - guess what's gonna happen, JR. You know what? I'm gonna make you do exactly what vicariously each and every one of these people are gonna do. You know what? 'cause these people are gonna kiss my ass through YOU - get him down. Angle puts him on his knees as Vince again goes for his Lethal Doughplates. "All right - dammit, kiss my ass! Dammit!" BONG Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' AWESOME UNDERTAKER WHO IS AWESOME is out to save the day...or, hell, turn. Ross cowers behind Taker, who grabs a mic. McMahon arms himself with Austin's belt - Taker picks up JR's hat and hands it to him. "Now I been here a long damn time and just when I think I've seen everything...you gotta take the cake. Let me see if I got this right. You - want this man - to kiss your ass? And you - you're gonna force this man to kiss his ass. You know in eleven years I've seen a lot of people come and I've seen a lot of 'em go - Hogan, Warrior, Savage, Piper, Bret, Shawn Michaels...I seen the games they played, and I've seen the games you play. But you know what? When it was all said and done, some way or another, they all kissed your ass. You know what the saddest thing about that is? The one that kissed your ass the most.....was me. Eleven years I been here, eleven years I kissed your ass, I stayed and I'm STILL puttin' up with your crap! So JR before I take care of this situation...I just wanna know. Were you gonna kiss his ass?" "Hell no I wasn't gonna kiss his ass - hell no!" "Do you WANNA kiss his ass?" "HELL NO!" "The man said no. So JR, tell me this: is that because you're better than me?" We take a pause for that to sink in. POP! Soupbone for Ross! "ARE YOU BETTER THAN ME?!" Ahhhhhh yeah. "Because right here, whether you like it or not, in front of your family and all these Okie podunks, you are gonna kiss his ass. Vince, drop your pants. You think that you are better than me! Don't you? You're better than me, you can't kiss his ass. Well let me tell you something, JR, you're gonna kiss his ass, and I'm gonna see to it." Taker brings him to his knees. "Pucker up, bitch." He starts to shove him - but Vince stops him. "You're right, Vince, he can't kiss your ass, that ain't right - that just ain't right. He can't kiss your ass...'til you're wearing the man's hat. Now, get over here and kiss his ass!" There's CONTACT (well, cheek to cheek so to speak) - and Vince does some wigglin' to make it look worse. A triumphant Vince does the "cowgirl slap my ass gallop" dance with JR's hat. "Rollin'" plays. Well I'd say this is just about what NO ONE wanted to see...but, gosh, I'd just *hate* to be proven wrong later. Let me just say that all you Undertaker Hatas are getting just what you deserve. You're gonna miss how awesome he USED to be.