WWF 13.90 (+
.50, last year: 14, two years ago: 11 5/8) -
hmm, SOMEBODY liked what Linda was saying in the conference call...maybe
they did the math in their head... "Let's see, 17% increase in PPV price
+ DirecTV buys are back + 33% more pay-per-view events + even if buyrate
significantly decreases = creative accounting, and it still LOOKS like the
numbers are going up even if the business continues its decline.
WWA: Just as well that I DIDN'T make the drive - can you *imagine* what kind of mood I'd be in tonight if I HAD devoted eighteen hours to driving to Vegas and back for THAT card? Look, I love Brian Christopher as much as the next online dweeb, but he's no more of a main eventer than....say.... the Road Dog. OOPS, I think I've stumbled onto something about the WWA...
TONIGHT: Look at this clip from last week - wait, that's last week, that's not tonight! Hey, tonight we got Stone Cold vs. Mr. Perfect! All right!
T(O)N(I)G(HT): "The Nth Degree" - hmm, Mark Coale was right: it DOES seem like all the Dwight Schultz episodes are falling on Mondays....hey, remember that one "A Team" episode where Murdoch was on "Wheel of Fortune" as "H.M." and he got that final puzzle with like NO letters showing and it was "South America" and he won that trip and....wait, this was supposed to be about "Star Trek: TNG" - say, why *does* THE NEW TNN put it in their bug as "STAR TREK: TNG" anyway? Don't want to fill up the ENTIRE black space? Oh dear this paragraph is MUCH too long now...let's move on
One World Leader Attitude - TV-14-DLV - CC - WWF!
"Highlights" from SmackDown! - you know, Eitan wasn't REALLY sick; he just REALLY didn't want to recap this show. Rick won't tell you that 'cause he's trying to cover for the kid...and who can blame him? Tonight's set features that wonderful old Rey Mysterio Jr.-in-WCW theme just to make the few of us that recognise it wonder where he is....and then wonder why we bothered to wonder that, given the fact that oh it's too early to gripe
Opening Credits (still include Christian even though he quit)
BOOM BOOM BOOM THE PYRO BUDGET IS RESTORED and we're off and running - coming to you LIVE from the (unmentioned) Dunkin Donuts Arena in (unmentioned) Providence, RI 25.2.2 and also at WWF New York, where VAL VENIS is feeding whipped cream and strawberries to four lesbians, and what a main event we claim to have for you tonight!
TONIGHT: Mr. Perfect issued the challenge and Steve Austin accepted - they will clash in the main event!
Here come the NWO to kick it off - Hall wheels a wheelbarrow filled with...something covered by a black sheet. Hogan has the mic first... "Well, how do you people like what I did to the Rock? Well that's too damn bad. I'm sure he didn't like it either. Well I can tell you this...the Rock's injuries are a lot more severe than the official injury report released by the WWF! And maybe I did get a little carried away last week...but I can tell you this, Rock: it felt REAL, REAL good to hurt you. I have it on good authority that the Rock is gonna be here tonight. And when he gets here, we're goin' face to face, brother. Oh, don't worry, Rock - I'm not gonna finish you off." Pause for "Rock E" chant. "I'm not gonna lay the smack down on ya. I'm gonna wait to kick your candyass until WrestleMania, because that way, Rock, with your fans watching - and the millions..." Hall & Nash (flat): "And millions." "And millions of Rock fans watching...there will be nothing you can do, because at WrestleMania - WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHER, WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU?" Nash: "Hey, excuse me! You are looking at three of the biggest stars in the history of wrestling! The NWO expects to be treated like it!" Hey, thanks for coming out, Kevin. "Last week, Steve Austin went TOO FAR! He came in this ring, attacked me with a crowbar. Then he tried to kill me with a pickup truck! I'm runnin' out of the arena for my life, he chases me, and he captures me. I'm bound, gagged, dragged around the arena...like some kind of an animal? Austin, NOBODY has a beer party at Scott Hall's expense! Nobody embarrasses Scott Hall. Nobody humiliates Scott Hall. (Hall fails to add "...except Scott Hall") 'cause Austin...I am not an animal. I'm a man. And I'm ALL man. So the question is there, Stone Cold...are you a man? 'cause this is what I want. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Scott Hall. One on one...in the ring. But not tonight. Stone Cold Steve Austin...you owe me. And I want my payback at the biggest show on earth...I want you to feel humiliated. I want you to be embarrassed. I want you to feel like an animal. And you know where I want it? At WrestleMania. Scott Hall, Steve Austin, one on one, at WrestleMania." Man, even *Razor Ramon* talked faster than this. "And Austin, you accept my challenge...we'll call a little truce 'til WrestleMania. But either way, Stone Cold, you're screwed." They leave the ring - hmm, nothing about Hall's wheelbarrow. I hope there isn't, like, a giant ROCK in it, and then Hogan talks to the ROCK and....nahhhh
Team Xtreme is WALKING!
WrestleMania spot hypes Hogan/Rock - well THAT bodes well for Jericho and Triple H, doesn't it?
You know, on THE NEW TNN, *nothing* says "The Godfather I & II" like A BIG OL' RAVE
Kurt Angle shills 1-800-CAL-LATT
Highlights of "WWF Fear Factor" which aired an hour ago - I watched Star Trek: TNG so I missed seeing Matt Hardy win. Oh well.
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: HARDY BOYZ (with Cheata - and a black light - and LIVE from Providence, RI and transmitido en espanol SAP boxes - AND Let Us Take You Back To SmackDown!) v. BANDANA BOYZ - Chuck's pigtails are gone in favour of a spiky, moussy thing. Chuck and Jeff - Chuck knee, right, into the ropes, Jeff ducks, slides under, and hits the sitout jawbreaker. Standing dropkick. Tag to Matt - dragged to the corner for a doubleteam kickin' - double suplex. Matt covers, 1, 2, Billy in to make the save but hits his own partner by mistake - Matt puts him out, catches Chucks kick attempt, wants the Twist of Fate but Chuck shoves him into a lariat from Billy. Chuck takes over - stomp, stomp, right. Right. Right. Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp - stomp stomp stomp stomp. Matt fires back - right, right, right, Chuck with a knee. Discus right. Scoop...thumbs up for Billy...but waits too long - Matt counters with a sitout bulldog. Referee "Blind" Tim White puts on the count - tag to Billy - HOT TAG TO JEFF! Clothesline for Billy, for Chuck, for Billy, Chuck ducks but Jeff hits the double leg and speaking in tongues legdrop. Matt with a sitout clothesline on Billy. Chuck into the corner, Poetry in Motion. Matt right for Billy, into the corner, Poetry in Motion - no, but Jeff leaps onto the turnbuckles and sticks the landing - meanwhile, Matt pops up and gives Billy a tornado DDT - but Chuck crotches Jeff before he can hit the swantonbomb! Billy with the One and Only (nobody calls it) - 1, 2, NO! Man make that girl stop SCREAMING - Lita in with the Cheatacanrana - Matt with the Twist of Fate - Jeff with the swantonbomb - but Chuck is in with the JUNGLE KICK as White tries to put Matt back in his corner...Matt clotheslines Chuck (and himself) out of the ring as Billy drapes an arm over Jeff - 1, 2, 3. (3:38) OH NO FRICTION BETWEEN THE HARDYZ oh wait, they're not doing that angle this month. Have a free replay.
Outside, a limousine pulls up - Jericho exits, then pushes aside the chauffeur so he can open the door for...oops, just lost interest again. Jericho *does* hand the chauffeur a videotape with instructions to deliver it to the production truck...
WWF Shop Zone ad
Tough Enough 2 is THURSDAY!
MICHAEL KING COLE stands in front of an EXCITING door! Debra emerges from Stone Cold's dressing room, so Cole asks her if Austin caught what Hall said earlier. She says yes he did, and she's just fine, thanks for asking. "What was Stone Cold's reaction?" "I think you need to ask him that for yourself."
Meanwhile, Arn Anderson talks to Ric Flair on the phone - he's late, apparently. Anderson promises to hold down the fort for him. Christian is in - he's here to quit, to sign his resignation papers. "It's not bad enough these people are booing me - now they're laughing at me! Why, 'cause I can't get a win? I'm talented, Arn - I'm a WINNER, dammit! I just wanna quit. I wanna quit! QUIT QUIT QUIT! Gimme the papers, I wanna sign my resignation papers RIGHT NOW!" Crept up behind him and into the shot... "It's me! D D P. And Christian, no, you don't wanna quit." "I don't?" "He doesn't?" "No, he doesn't. You see, Christian, the reason why you've been losing is you've been harboring all this negative energy." "That's a buncha CRAP, I'm not negative!" "Bro, you're one of the most negative guys I've ever seen. And the only way you're gonna get where you wanna go is to harness that negative energy into something positive, and that's the only way that you're gonna stop winning." "...you really think so?" "Are you kiddin' me? I'm POSITIVE. Let's start off with something simple. Let's start off with a....smile." He smiles. Christian looks at Arn - who imitates Page's smile. "Come on, you can do it." Christian works up a squinty smirk. "It's a start...it's a start." "Think so?" "Yeah, I really do, I really do. But let's get out of Flair's office and we'll work on it. And then you'll see that being positive isn't a bad thing...it's a GOOD thing." "Well you know guys...you take this outside...it'd be a GREAT thing."
Meanwhile, Cole's caught up with Austin - he says "What?" five times, while I counted thirty-nine from the crowd
The WWF Rewind is brought to you by 1-800-CAL-LATT - from SmackDown!, Angle puts Kane through the table, wraps a chair around his body, and nearly breaks his ankle with the Anglelock
WILLIAM REGAL joins the commentators - say, isn't that Tough Enough's Chris No in the front row? I guess Providence is close to Harvard...or something.
POINTS TO SELF v. LANCE STORM (with "Please Come to Boston" hype) v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW in a triple threat to determine the #1 Contender to the intercontinental championship - wow, Big Show's still with the company? Storm works over van Dam before the bell, then tries a pescado on Show - but just gets caught and pressed over the top rope back in - van Daam with a kick. Show in - catches a kick (sort of) from van Dam, shoves him away and clotheslines him down. Forearm by Storm - that kinda annoyed him - Storm ducks a right but not a big boot. van Dam shoved down. Well it's a big sidewalk slam for Storm - 1, 2, van Dam breaks it up with a dropkick. van Dam off the ropes with Rolling Thunder on Storm - 1, 2, Show picks up van Dam and runs him into the corner with a clothesline. Storm into the corner and HE gets a clothesline. Well it's the big slap. Well it's the big, BIG beal across the ring for Storm. van Dam in the corner, well it's the big slap, well it's the beal that puts him even FURTHER across the ring - practically all the way across. Double clothesline ducked - double dropkick by Storm and van Dam! Double clothesline - double...no, caught in a double choke. Double gutshot prevents the chokeslam - setting up for a double suplex on Show - no - Show reverses to a DOUBLE SUPLEX on Storm and van Dam!! Well it's the big headbutt on van Dam - he bounces off the ropes to take another one. Storm is in with the chair, so Show punches the chair into his face. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda tries to take the chair from Show, ends up on the wrong end of a shove, and has his back turned as van Dam comes off the top with a van Daminator - then vaults up for the Fivestar frog splash - and gets the 1, 2, 3. (2:25) Have a free replay.
In the dressing room, Booker T reads from a "Learning Japanese" book. Test admires his work. "Ah so--" "What'd you call me?" Apparently, T is in line for a Japanese shampoo commercial......I dunno either. T promises that he'll say "Saronara" to Rikishi.
Catch the WWF LIVE! Tomorrow, Boston! Friday, Tampa! Saturday, Lake Charles! Sunday, Ft. Worth! Monday, Austin! And a week from Thursday, it's a live SmackDown! in San Antonio!
Faarooq plays with himself...solitaire,that is - Bradshaw knocks on the APA door but finds it locked, so he has to get the key from the sill (on the inside), unlock the door and come in - aie. Anyway, he's got good news and bad news - the bad news is they have no match tonight, but the god news it they have an invite to The Friendly Tap for all the free beer and booze they want. Bradshaw suggests stopping at a place for a practice beer (because why drink FREE beer when you can PAY for it?) at a place where the women take their clothes off and dance. Get this - Faarooq says "Damn."
RIKASHMONEY v. BOOKER TIO - Booker makes a big show to referee "Blind" Mike Sparks about getting Rikishi searched, then pounces on him when he's busy. Kick, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, now aruging with Sparks, who wants to bring it out of the corner. GOOD OL' JR just said Rikishi was "over 400" when Rikishi himself has been trying to get everyone corrected to 350 - including Lilian Garcia to begin this match. Chop by T, tries the whip but no go - gutshot - whip is reversed, Rikishi with the clothesline. Into the corner again, T bounces out and 'kishi powerslams him...for 2. 'kishi right, right, right, right, kick, kick, into the ropes, but T reverses to a back kick. Stomp - stomp - stomp by T. Picks him up - chop. Into the ropes is revesred, 'kishi with a clothesline, then a Samoan Drop. T sent into the corner - he bounces out - BELLY-to-belly. 'kishi wedgies himself - but T's out of the corner and 'kishi hits the turnbuckle back-first. T doubles him over with a kick - off the ropes - axe kick! T consults his hand...but moves into a tai chi routine instead of the normal breakdance. 'kishi ducks the kick and unleashes his own RIKISHIKICK! T dutifully flumps into the corner, setting up the extended "oh boy I'm gonna stinkface him" shenanigans from 'kishi - by the time he gets done raising the roof, T uses Sparks as a shield - and by the time 'kishi has moved him out of the way, T is back up and hitting the Harlem sidekick - cover - 1, 2, 3. (2:40)
Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! when Stephanie and Jericho teamed up - truly, it was Triple H's (and our) worst nightmare coming true
And now Jericho and Stephanie are WALKING!
WWF & RAW Magazines ad
This weekend, Mark Henry competed in the Arnold Strongman Competition in Columbus, Ohio - and won. No word on if this moves him back into the WWF any quicker...
MR. JERICHO & STEFFO (with RAW credits, transmitido en espanol SAP, TV-14-DLV & CC boxes) head to the ring. Ross says that really, they still hate each other and they're faking - well. "Did you feel that buzz, Stephanie, did you feel the buzz in the air as we came down the ramp into the ring? Yeah, that was the buzz that I've been feeling in hotels and in airports all across the country, and the buzz says not only is Chris Jericho a true living legend, he's also the man that beat the Rock at Royal Rumble, who beat Austin at No Way Out, but most importantly of all, Chris Jericho is the man who aligned himself with a certified genius - Stephanie McMahon! And let's face it, Triple H, when it comes to playing The Game, Stephanie is a true Hall of Famer...but I'm no slouch at Playing the Game, either, Triple H. I mean, you claim that I've never actually beaten you before - that may technically be true, but what I've done a lot, much, much, much worse than that. Let's show our special surprise on the 'tron. Roll the footage, monkeys. There it was - May 21, 2001 - San Jose, California - and you tore your quad, Triple H - a devastating, horrible, painful injury - look, you're limping, you can hardly move - *I* knew how badly you were hurt, but you know what? I didn't care - I still put you in the Walls of Jericho on the announce table - I heard you SCREAMING from pain, I heard you begging for mercy, I saw you tapping out, Triple H. How long were you out of action because of me? Huh? You didn't technically beat me for the 1, 2, 3 that night (oops), but I beat 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 months out of your career - eight months out of your career, Triple H! How different would Triple H's life be if it wasn't for me? Maybe he wouldn't have had to spend eight months in hell, in rehab, trying to get back to This Very Ring. And as a result of that, maybe he would have been able to give his lovely wife the attention she so richly and greatly deserved. And maybe, Triple H, your marriage would not have fallen apart, but most importantly of all, Triple H - maybe instead of poor Stephanie having to lie, you might have been man enough to get her pregnant on your own for real." "Oh, I don't know about that, Jericho - see, when it comes to the bedroom, The Game always came up a little bit......short." Stephanie's cackling is interrupted by an abbreviated entrance by THE NEW MAN. Yeah, you just *can't* have dick jokes in the ring without Triple H out there, BY GOD! "You know, Steph...maybe it was not so much that it was The Game that was short - maybe it was that the field I was playing on was just too damn big." "I don't know what you mean by that!" "You don't know what I mean? Let me tell you what I mean..." Crowd: "Slut!" "Shut up all of you shut up!" "Let me tell you what I mean, let me make it a little more clear for ya. You see, Steph, even a 747 looks small when you're flying it into the Grand Canyon." Hoot! Holler! "Don't worry about it, I'm about to get to you, Jericho. You wanna prove to the world how bad you are? You wanna prove how tough you are? How sadistic you are? Why don't you prove it tonight? You see, it just so happens...I'm not doin' anything - why don't you fight me? Why don't you prove it to the world, why don't you prove it to me, and don't worry, Chris - you don't have to put the titles on the line...we'll do it just for the hell of it. Come on, Chris - it'll be just you, me, and the Great Wide Open over here, whaddaya say? Come on, Jericho, whaddaya say, huh?" Before he answers, KURT ANGLE materialises on the stage. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! I'm sorry, did I interrupt something? In case you forgot, you're not the ones that make the decisions around here - Mr. McMahon does! And guess what Mr. McMahon just told me over the telephone. Well since I was ROBBED of my WrestleMania title shot last week - you remember, Triple H, don'cha - well, tonight Mr. McMahon says he's gonna make it up to me. So tonight, I will face Chris Jericho one on one for the WWF title! And Steph, after I beat Chris Jericho, I will be more than happy to make you my business partner when I face your soon-to-be-ex-husband at WrestleMania. Oh, it's true." Stephanie quickly shakes her head for Jericho's benefit...failing to even HINT at any display of subtly being happy Angle said it - oh well. Then H spears Jericho and tosses him out of the ring - what a payoff! Stephanie has to adjust her top several times leaving the ring. Play Triple H's music again! Wow, the organisation......wow.
Kurt Angle shills 1-800-CAL-LATT again
Local ad for San Jose attorney Patrick McMahon...whoa WEIRD
TONIGHT: Chris Jericho vs. Kurt Angle for the WWF Undisputed Championship!
TONIGHT: Stone Cold vs. Mr. Perfect!
JONATHAN COACHMAN stands at the cyclone fence with Mr. Perfect. "Don't you think people are sick and tired of hearing your imperfect voice? They wanna hear the perfect word from Mr. Perfect! It's about retribution - PERFECT retribution! Stone Cold Steve Austin, you're probably wondering just like everyone else is why he asked me, (oops so much for perfect) why I asked challenged him tonight - you know why? I never asked Stone Cold Steve Austin to be in the Royal Rumble to get in my business, I never asked Stone Cold Steve Austin the night after the Royal Rumble to bash me upside the head with a chair. Maybe Stone Cold Steve Austin is askin' for a perfect ass kickin'! And who to do it better, nobody does it better than Mr. Perfect. And you know, that's the same way my record's gonna stay tonight after I get through with Stone Cold Steve Austin, it's gonna be a perfect record." "But what about last week? You and Kane, you went one on one--" "No no no, last week with Kane, that was an exhibition. Tonight is live on RAW! There's only one Mr. Perfect...with the perfect record."
WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: JAZZZZZZZZZZ v. MIGHTY MOLLY - Jazz shoves Molly through the ropes and back outside before she can even get in the ring, and...we're off. Outside, hard into the apron, rolled back in, Jazz follows, stomp, stomp, removes the cape and proceeds to.....try very hard to rip it. Gives up, stomp, into the ropes is reversed, Molly with a Japanese armdrag, another, off the rope but Jazz catches the crossbody and gives her a front slam. "How ya like that, Molly!" Big legdrop gets 2. Chop, chop, into the ropes, Molly slides under, SHE chops, chop, Jazz ducks the next one, gutshot, spin kick. Off the ropes with a big splash - 1, 2, no. GOOD OL' JR: "Molly will beat you up, and explain it to you as she's doing it." Lawler: "You talking about Molly or Jazz?" "Jazz, I mean." Hot shot by Jazz. Picks her up for another hot shot. Molly punches back - right - Jazz with an overhand forearm into the back. Double underhook - butterfly suplex. Jazz won't stop talking - making her louder than the ENTIRE crowd in the building. Another butterfly suplex. Chicken wing! But she lets go before Molly gives up. Molly rolls up to counter the suplex attempt and gets 2. Gutshot, backslide, 2! Rollup with bridge - 2! Double leg, WOW catapult into the second rope - Molly goes up top to try to finish it - but Jazz runs out of the way of the plancha and Molly goes splat. Jazz back in control - gutshot, here comes the fishermanbuster - that's it - 1, 2, 3. (3:42) GOOD OL' JR calls it a "brainbuster" too many times for me to not mention it here. Post-match, Jazz decks Molly with a straight right - single leg into a half crab...into a modified STF! Jazz shoves away referee "Blind" Chad Patton when he tries to pull her off - and now delivers a big-time DDT to Molly! Jazz finally takes her belt and leaves, as another REF, the ASSISTANT TRAINER (Chris Whatshisname is out with an irony - I mean, injury) and ARN ANDERSON come out to tend to Molly...
The countdown says it's only 3 weeks to Sour Skittles!
Moments Ago, Two Paragraphs Ago - and nobody had the guts to tell Ross during the break that it was a damn FISHERMANBUSTER, which ONLY happens to be Jazz' FINISHER - remember when Ross knew what people's FINISHERS were, and called them? I mean IT'S JUST SAD
As Molly is helped out of the ring, the lights dim and AWESOMETAKER walks out, hood up...stops at the ring, turns back and DECKS Anderson with a big ol' soupbone! Then he chases everyone else to the back...also allowing the camera to be off Arn as he blades himself. Taker back to Arn - soupbone! Soupbone! Thrown in the ring...Taker follows. Arn with a left that misses everything. Taker with another soupbone. He keeps trying to throw combinations but Arn keeps going down like a sack of bricks before Taker can land his left. Mic in hand. "I told Ric Flair that I wasn't gonna accept no for an answer again - so this is on his head! Look at me, Arn...look at this hand." Showing the left - then he throws the soupbone instead. Ha! "That's as good as it gets for you - and it don't get any better than that." Soupbone! Taker mounts him - soupbone, soupbone, left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, stands up, soupbone. I should mention Anderson is wearing a white shirt to show off all the BLOOD. Taker picks him back up - soupbone puts him down. Soupbone, soupbone. Taker goes to leave - but turns back. "Tell him!" Now he leaves the ring. Anderson makes it back to his feet, so Taker goes back to the ring...big boot to the head! "Tell him!" Taker leaves the ring - amazingly, they DON'T play Limp Bizkit on his way out. At least, not before the ad
Yeah, that was the whole segment. I know.
Moments Ago, Stop Me If You've Heard This Before
Arn is told he needs a trip to the hospital for some stitches...
WWF UNDISPUTED CHAMPIONSHIP: KURT ANGLE (with RAW is brought to you by Snickers, 1-800-CAL-LATT, and Xbox!) v. MR. JERICHO (with Steffo) - Say, when WAS our last heel/heel matchup? Angle cuts the staredown short with a right hand. Stomp, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Stomp. Pulled into a short clothesline, leg is hooked, 2. Right, chop, right, chop. Okay, both Cole and Ross have called him Brian Hebner in the past 48 hours, so I'll stick with that name from now on. Angle still in control - right - into the ropes, reversed, Angle ducks the swing, grabs a waistlock and hits a German suplex for 2. Kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, but Jericho gets the boot up - second rope leap...Angle catches him in a belly-to-belly - 1, 2, no. Jericho out, now the chase is on. Jericho back in, Angle in, Jericho ducks, then dumps Angle to the outside over the top! Jericho out to try to work on him - diving from the apron to the floor to land the forearm in the back. Stomp. Stomp. Jericho pulls the padding off the barricade, then drops Angle across it. Angle rolled back in, Jericho climbing up top...big back elbow from the top - 1, 2, Angle kicks out. Knee by Jericho, knee, knee. Off the ropes with an elbowdrop to the back. Running boot. Elbowdrop. Leg is hooked - Jericho gets 2. Jericho stands on the neck for 4. Big chop. Chop. Chop. Into the ropes, Jericho with the back elbow. Double leg takedown...wants the Walls but doesn't get it - in fact, Angle manages to fold him up for 2! Angle takes over - shoves to the corner, fireman's carry out, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, head down and Angle kicks away. Angle runs in...into a hot shot from Jericho. Jericho out to the apron, climbing up...taking too long, Angle runs into the corner, climbs up and superplexes Jericho back into the ring - cover - 1, 2, NO!! The count is on...both men beat the 5 count - Angle right, Jericho right, Angle, Jericho, Jericho, Jericho's swing is ducked and Angle hits the German suplex. Jericho grabs the ropes - Angle breaks the waistlock enough to forearm him into letting go - ANOTHER German suplex - wants a third but Jericho shifts his body weight into a rollup...then stands up and grabs the legs - again wants the Walls of Jericho, and again doesn't get it - THIS time Angle grabs a leg and rolls Jericho into an Anglelock! Jericho quickly crawls to the ropes to get it broken. Angle stomp, kick, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Jericho off the ropes looking for the bulldog, but Angle is ready with a lariat - 1, 2, no! Olympic Slam coming up - no, Jericho lands on his feet - ducks a clothesline - double leg - Walls of Jericho!! (Really more of a Boston Crab here, but...) Angle reaches - and grabs the bottom rope! After a brief discussion over whether Angle tapped or not, Jericho leaves the ring and grabs both his belts - Hebner out to try to stop him, but Jericho still maanges to toss both titles into the ring...AND the bell for good measure (the bell actually misses but Jericho does a nice save, bumping it underneath the bottom rope) - ready to swing, but Hebner stops him...I guess. Jericho takes a swipe at him and misses, but Hebner sees that he's not supposed to be looking and suddenly falls to the canvas clutching his eye - well that was le weak - anyway, Angle manages to swing a belt and connect - hooks a leg - 1, 2, NO!!!! Angle goes ballistic - and DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Anglelock *with a vengeance* on Jericho. Jericho screams in pain...but *does* manage to hook that bottom rope. Angle wants to put it on again and pulls on his leg...Jericho manages a desperation enzuigiri that puts Angle on the outside, and sheeeeeeit KANE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONIGHT has emerged from the crowd and stands behind Angle. Angle gives us one of those hilarious "I'm gonna feel behind me to find out who it is" takes - Kane presses him over the top-- sorry, SECOND rope and back in the ring, where Jericho is waiting with the Breakdown (or as GOOD OL' JR calls it, the "took him facefirst down") and the 1, 2, 3. (9:06) Very "Saturday Night's Main Event" match. Kane in and still on Angle - right, right, clothesline over the top to the floor. Kane grabs a STEEL chair...swing and hits the steps, which is very loud but does no damage. Kane grabs two more chairs as Angle makes a hasty escape - both men out through the crowd. Garcia makes the announcement that Jericho is still champ so we can get some music to take us out of this segment...Jericho's undone his left boot and is having a lot of trouble putting weight on it - is he okay?
During the Match, Ric Flair finally arrived - Earl Hebner met him and shared what happened to Arn earlier...so Flair immediately went back in his limo and sped away. Hey, thanks for showing up!
WOW! It's an exciting DOOR! Hogan looks at the Rock's logo...then opens the door and goes behind it...
Tough Enough 2 ad
Big Show shills Stacker 2 - hmmm, did I see this earlier and forget to mention it? MAYBE. Am I gonna go back and check? HELL NO
Hmm, another Patrick McMahon ad - maybe I should make him MY attorney. Not because he's a McMahon, but because I think that Italian flag in front of his building is REALLY cool.
Time now for a WrestleMania Moment, brought to you by Sour Skittles! From WrestleMania XIV (did I get it right THIS time?), Austin takes the fall over Shawn Michaels to win the WWF Championship, thanks to Mike Tyson
Take a look at the marquee of the Dunkin Donuts Arena (finally named!)
Let Us Take You Back To Last Monday When The NWO Did Bad Things To The Rock. Well, if I had a hammer.... GOOD OL' JR: "It was like a well-planned....plan..."
Oops, I was wrong. Inside the dressing room, it's a *cardboard cutout of the Rock* that Hogan is going to talk to for our benefit. "You know, people were wondering if you were gonna show up and I have to say, you're looking good, Rock. (laughs) REAL good. Of course I know you're hurting way more than you're letting on, but hey - you've got a reputation to uphold. Mr. Popularity, right? (laughs) It's amazing what passes for popular these days, isn't it, Rock? I mean, you're a pretty popular guy...but ten, maybe twenty years from now, do you actually think anybody's gonna remember YOUR name? I doubt it. You're a fad, Rock, that's all. And you think WrestleMania's gonna be the battle of the legends? Well let me tell you somethin', my friend...legends don't grow on trees, Rock. I should know...I *am* one. And what I did to you last week - taking a hammer to the back of your little head, and then destroying that ambulance as it was taking you to the hospital - *that's* the stuff legends are made of, my friend. Oh, and by the way, speaking of last week, I have to admit, I am a little disappointed in you, Rock. I mean, you haven't even thanked me once, not even one time. Do you have any idea how many people in the business would dream about Hulk Hogan - I mean THE HULK HOGAN actually taking them out? And also, agreeing to wrestle you at WrestleMania? I mean, I find you worthy of facing me! I wouldn't waste my time doing that to a nobody. Rock, you are not a nobody. You're one of the brightest stars in the business today. But again, let me say it one time real clear: you are not in my league. Not even close. At WrestleMania, Rock, when it comes time to icons (laughs as he removes his weight belt), you're gonna find out what the difference is between a wanna-be (whips cutout)...and the real thing...(removes glasses) BROTHER."
Your hosts are a pair of kings, JERRY & LARRY.
The cameras are at the Friendly Tap as the APA read the sign on the door: "Friendly Tap's Men's Night!" In we go...two beers - while Bradshaw chatters, Faarooq takes a look around...yep, it's all bad drag queens and men dancing with men and guys saying "oo oo oo oo oo" and whatnot. One walks up to Bradshaw. "Hey cowboy, you wanna dance?" "With who?" "With me!" "You're, you're wearing a...no!" "C'mon, Cowboy." "I'm from - Uhuhuh from Texas! From Texas!" "I hear everything's BIG in Texas." Bradshaw tries to shift him to Faarooq, who likes pearl necklaces and is a *good* dancer. "Hey, man, hey - hey, I'm from the state of Georgia, man, hey look, man, y'all do your own thing, man." "'Y'all?' What do you mean 'y'all?!'" "I ain't got there yet, man." "What's the matter, you don't like me? You don't like me? I like me! My mother likes me! She tells me I'm a good dancer! I AM a good dancer! I'll have you know - (stamping feet) I'm a good dancer! I'm a good dancer! I'm a good dancer! I'm a good dancer! You don't even know me!" At this point, Billy & Chuck take them out from behind - another pinball machine bites the dust - Billy with a pool cue over Bradshaw, and Chuck gives Faarooq a beer bottle. They make their escape as all the queer guys cause a commotion. "Somebody give them mouth to mouth! Call 911! Where's my purse!" Ohhhhhhhhh key
Mr. Perfect is WALKING! The NWO happen to be along the path... Hall: "Hey, not that you're gonna need it - good luck tonight in your match with Austin." Hogan: "Let him through, brothers." Perfect gum swat!
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (with tire arn - and WrestleMania X-8 is presented by Sour Skittles!) v. MR. PERFECT - We're already into the overrun, how long can this match be? (Will we GET this match - or just a run-in?) Staredown, feeling out process. Finally, they lock up. Into the corner, referee "Blind" Earl Hebner forces a break. Try again - Perfect grabs the waistlock...Austin jostles into a reversal, Perfect reverses back, to a hammerlock, Austin reverses, Perfect reverses, they're in the corner and Hebner wants the break again...this time they're still fighting for leverage - Austin lacing the leg, Perfect getting out of Dodge, Austin showing him his finger. Let's try it one more time. Collar and elbow, Perfect with the side headlock - Austin powers out, but Perfect connects with the shoulderblock. Perfect waits for him to get up - lockup, side headlock by Perfect, takeover, Austin with the leg scissors, stalemate. Crowd pops - not as loud as they should, but hey. Lockup, side headlock takeover by Perfect...Austin going to the hair to keep Perfect from doing anything more (GOOD OL' JR completely misses it, of course) - to the ropes - Austin powers out, Perfect with another shoulderblock. Up and over off the ropes, but into a lariat from Austin. Gutshot by Austin, head to the buckle, chop, chop, chop, Perfect ducks the next one, switching positions in the corner - Perfect chop, chop, chop - Irish whip into the opposite corner is reversed by Austin - Perfect hits the corner, the bounces into a BIG whiplash spinebuster - points off in the distance at something shiny for Hebner to look at, then stomps Perfect between the legs. Head to the buckle by Austin. Into the opposite corner. Back to the first corner. One more hard whip across the ring, this time it's reversed, but Austin pops out with a lariat - hooks the leg, 1, 2, no. Perfect's head taken to the buckle, across the ring to the opposite corner - Perfect putting his boot on the second rope so he can spring off with an oversell. KICK WHAM no Perfect shoves him into the ropes and catches him with a back elbow. Perfect with a stomp. GOOD OL' JR: "...and Perfect, quite frankly, seems to be a little preoccupied that he's in the ring with Stone Cold." Oh Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, Ross. Stomp to the small of the back. Perfect slaps the back of his head. Stomp to the head, stomp, stomp. Right, chop, chop, chop, Austin to the eyes - right, right, right, right, into the ropes, Perfect ducks, but Austin hits the Austin press, eight rabbit rights, off the ropes and drops the hammer. Perfect thrown in the corner, Austin stomps - crowd finally senses a chance for them to what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what what what what what, what. Well that's a great way to ruin a perfectly good match. Sign in crowd "HOMO SAYS WHAT?" Amen, brotha. Perfect whipped into the ropes, head down, Perfect kicks - Perfect off the ropes - KICK WHAM STUNNER, Austin 1, 2, 3. That was incredibly bizarre. (4:57) Call it a "Prime Time Wrestling" match. Beer me, beer me...but CLEAN & SOBER wheels out his wheelbarrow, which we now learn is full of cinder blocks. Austin goes out and grabs the timekeeper's hammer, but Hall strikes first. Punches are traded until BIG & TALL & YOU KNOW WHO emerge from behind the crowd to take Austin down from behind. Three-on-one beatdown commences. Austin is put in the ring...then his legs are wrapped around the ringpost. Hall grabs a cinder block...and it EXPLODES over Austin's knee! (What, was this one of those "cement" blocks made outta styrofoam and talcum powder?) Well....at least both commentators immediately go off headset to add a dramatic tension to the situation. Austin clutches his knee as we take the replay from two angles. The NWO are back up the ramp...stopping at the stage to survey the damage. Hall whispers in Hogan's ear. "He ain't nothin', brother, he ain't nothin'. It's all you..." Raw Zone credits are up, WWF logo, so long 'til Thursday.
But what about Val Venis?