Last week I completely forgot to thank The Cubs Fan for
filling in on the Amazon Onslaught RAW report! So I'm doing it tonight!
Thanks Cubs! Everybody go visit thecubsfan.com
RIGHT NOW! Or after you read this report anyway...
TONIGHT: Here's your first look at the new logo, graphics, listen to the music, but nothing else has changed...it's still Ross & Lawler providing the hype! Tonight, Triple H is officially presented with the Undisputed Championship (which he won FIFTEEN DAYS AGO)! Also, Stone Cold will be in the house! We SWEAR! (Also maybe a match or two - or not)
T(O)N(I)G(HT): In "The Outcast," Trek attempts yet again to pussyfoot around a dicey subject with weak results - mainly because it turns out to be one of those yucky Jeri Ryan episodes that threw out all the warning signs...but they went ignored, so when her style ended up pervading Voyager later, it ended up sabotaging it RIGHT from the git-go when she was made producer. On the other hand, this was the kind of episode that was MADE to be dissected on rec.arts.startrek.current, because at the time everybody just couldn't WAIT to talk about all those wonderful hot-button sexual issues...mostly because they always attempted to inject them into all the discussion anyway. Oh, what a time to be alive, gay and have Usenet access! They're here, they're queer and when it comes to Star Trek Usenet discussion, they can't shut up any more easily than the straight folk! Umm, I don't know how I ended up talking about this for almost 150 words...sorry--hey, and how ABOUT how that wacky Riker? He'll fuck ANYBODY (except a guy - unless you believe some RASer's, heh heh heh)
QUICK QUOTE: 14.05 (- .70, last year: 14, two years ago: 16 7/8)
ANNIVERSARIES: Hey, it's the fourth anniversary of WrestleManiacs! I know, I know - these things mean less and less the further and further removed we get from 1998...still...this one goes out to Mike! (But only 'cause they go out to Rick EVERY week)
TV-14-DLV - CC - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
"Welcome to RAW." In the office, it's Ric Flair - and a new WWF Championship belt (with "Triple H" nameplate) - and a few words for us! "Tonight, RAW enters a new era. The Ric Flair Era - an era that promises to be more exciting and action-filled woo than ever before! And tonight I promise to do everything in my power to sign Stone Cold Steve Austin to a contract that will ensure that Stone Cold Steve Austin stays with RAW forever. Also, I have a personal honour - tonight - of presenting the NEW Undisputed Championship belt to the reigning World Wrestling Federation Champion Triple H! Let the party begin! Woooo!"
(New) Opening Credits - if Austin doesn't join RAW, I sure hope they edit him out of these opening credits!!! (Oh is that a spoiler? Damn)
I GET LETTERS: Speaking of The Cubs Fan, once again he checks in so YOU don't have to:
All the band bits (27 of the 78) are them playing in the middle of a
ring, in the middle of a warehouse with the new entrance set up in the
Said band, by the way, is Union Underground...that is, if our commentators are to be believed - hey, why not?
NEW SET SAME OL' PYRO - coming to you LIVE from the Hallie Kate Eisenberg Arena in Albany, NY All Fools' Day 2002 but this is no joke - it's a whole 'nother RAW! But it's still transmitido en espanol SAP - and WOW look at that white noise coming to you from WWF New York!
TONIGHT: Triple H gets a belt!
TONIGHT: Kane takes on THE CROWD - well, we didn't get the graphic of X-Pac we were supposed to get, but we are told that's his opponent
TONIGHT: Stone Cold is in the house - WE SWEAR!
But first, says Ross, "a CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING MATCH..."
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: ROB
VAN DAM (champion - Battle Creek,
Michigan, 235 pounds - with Forceable Entry CD cover) v. BOOKER T
(Houston, Texas, 251 pounds)
Big Show shills Stacker 2!
When we come back, Vince is still in the ring - apparently, he's been talking through the entire break. "I'll get back to you in a minute there, JR. Oh no no no. You see, I asked for Stone Cold Steve Austin - what do I get? Look at this - I get Ric Flair's SECURITY. Let me tell you somethin' - you guys are pretty smart - no no. If you want me, you come in after me. That's not why I'm here. I'm not leaving this ring until Stone Cold Steve Austin signs this exclusive SmackDown! contract." Vince's next sentence is cut off as RIC FLAIR's music fires up - which means it's time for a Ric Flair entrance - oddly enough, by Ric Flair! "Hey Ric...I just wanna say this, that there's an old expression that money talks and bull(shit) walks, so tonight, I'm doin' the talking - and Ric, you're gonna be doing the walking, pal. Because Austin WILL sign my exclusive contract - and there's not a damn thing you can do about it." "Unless you bought a ticket - unless you bought a ticket, and I'm gonna call Security off for a minute - you're gonna have a small window of opportunity to get your ass out the door and back on the street. And as far as money talkin', I'd say this new set for the new RAW - woooo!" "Yeah, well uh, that's all well and good, Ric, but...I'm not leaving this ring. And there's nothing your Security can do about it - and there's not a damn thing YOU can do about it. Uh, let me remind you the last time you tried to do something, it was on uh, your own show SmackDown! last week when uh, you still owned 50% of it - what happened, Ric? Vince McMahon beat you 1, 2, 3, don't embarrass yourself again here tonight! Come on out, Austin, dammit! Austin, that man Ric Flair is preventing you from coming out here, he's preventing you from hearing what I have to say! Austin, you need to know--" "Vince, Vince, Vince, get a grip. Get a grip. Let's just do a little informal survey on Stone Cold Steve Austin, how about that. All of, all of those... that would like to see Stone Cold on RAW, gimme a hell yeah! Now how about those of you that would like to see Stone Cold on SmackDown!? Now Vince, because it's a new era, I got dressed up real nice tonight, man, I'm Armani all the way - don't make me take off this coat and come down there and do a Royal Rumble moment for ya again, buddy." He starts to the ring. "Let me just say this, Ric - neither you nor anybody else is big enough or bad enough to take my ass outta this ring tonight." Vince is to the apron...Flair stops as some music plays. WEEEEELLLLLL, WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW is out to make McMahon gulp. Handshake from Flair on the way to the ring. "Welcome to RAW!" Show waves goodbye to Vince as the crowd AGAIN starts singing. "Umm, listen. I know who you are - SHUT UP, DAMMIT! I know who you are, okay? You're the Big Show. Seven feet of ya, five hundred pounds, you gotta remember one thing. MY name is Vince McMahon!" Show grabs Vince by the neck, the pulls him over his back and carries him off as his music plays again. Vince makes a lot of noise - "Austin's not gonna like this!" but amazingly his mic is NOT cut. We take another ad break here.
"Scorpion King" ad
Catch the WWF (RAW roster) live! Tomorrow, Reading! Saturday, Salt Lake City! Sunday, Denver! Next week, RAW is Phoenix and SOLD OUT! Friday, Amarillo! And Saturday, Odessa!
During the Break, Show carried Vince all the way to the door - Vince offered to take his mic back, but Show threw him out.
WILLIAM REGAL (European champion -
Blackpool, England, 240 pounds) v.
SPIKE DUDLEY (Dudleyville, 150 pounds) in a nontitle
The NWO is WALKING! They don't know why Flair drafted them, but they sure hope that he signs Austin. Also, they predict bad things for Kane - "fight one of us, fight us all" and all that. They end up catching sight of something TRULY AMAZING - *somehow* the APA offices were transported BRICK BY BRICK from Philadelphia to Albany and left in the EXACT SAME STATE as last Thursday! Walking in through the door (hey, who says the NWO have no respect?), they clear a path through the beer cans, upright the table and set up the chairs to take a load off. Ross finds this VERY disrespectful! Even DAMN disrespectful!
One of the tracks on Forceable Entry is by Monster Magnet - "Live For the Moment" - here's a snippet.
When we come back, it's a trip to the locker room - Bradshaw and Jacqueline miss Faarooq. Crash pops in, puts a hand in Jackie's face, then plays Just Joe, narcing out the NWO. Bradshaw shoves him aside and goes after them. Jackie puts a hand in HIS face on her way out.
Meanwhile, Trish Stratus checks out a new personalized article of clothsing - Terri happens by and gets offended when all Trish says is "hi, Terri." Somehow this leads to Terri accusing Stratus of having an attitude since landing the cover of Divas attitude. "Need I remind you I'm the diva of all divas?" Before they come to blows, Ric Flair stands between them and says the tension might be relieved with a match. The fans might like to see them in bikinis, in fact. In FACT, since they're acting like children, perhaps a "paddle on a pole" match is in order. "I can show my ass, but I can also kick it - and I'm starting with yours, tonight." Umm....that's gotta be the flimsiest rationale I've ever HEY WAIT A MINUTE TERRI AND TRISH LATER and somebody's gonna get spanked! Lawler wastes no time turning into Beavis.
Meanwhile (3), JONATHAN COACHMAN catches up to Debra outside THE EXCITING DOOR! Any scoops? "I know, Coach, that is the big question of the night - is Stone Cold, is he gonna go with Mr. Flair, or is he gonna go with Mr. McMahon? And...I do know one thing, Steve has not yet made up his mind, but one way or the other, Stone Cold will make a decision, tonight - thanks!"
Meanwhile (4), Hall works on spraypainting the APA door while a card came rages on. "Yeah man, I wanna hit" either refers to cards, or... Just before Nash gets X-Pac to strip, Bradshaw storms the premisese, kicking down the door - he does well enough with X-Pac and Hall, but runs into Nash's big boot. 'Pac adds a chair in the back and a stomp. Nash lovingly brushes back his hair and says "Now you can have your damn office back."
UP NEXT: Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Raven for the Hardcore Championship!
But before we go to ad break, the Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From SmackDown! last week, Tommy Dreamer and Raven prove too much for Maven - and it's Raven ending up taking the hardcore championship
Mick Foley hosts the new season of "Robot Wars: Extreme Warriors" - oh man he's hanging out with Carol Grow! Remember her on ESPN2's "Coed Fitness?" Oh man, how many a lonely, lonely morning I've spent watching her work on her....oh I've said too much again
Moments Ago, Bradshaw expressed outrage...and look where it got him - this time they at least sync up Bradshaw's bleep with his cuss word
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: BUBBA RAY
DUDLEY (Dudleyville, 325 pounds) v.
RAVEN (champion - The Bowery, 239 pounds)
In his limousine, Vince talks (to ME!) on the phone - but how the heck did that cameraman get in there? "Oh no no no - you should know me better than that. Yeah. Lemme tell ya something...just because that big seven foot monster threw me out, you know, that doesn't mean I'm leaving here tonight. I'm still in the parking lot. I'm in my car, I'm in the parking lot, and lemme tell you something, before I leave here tonight, I will have Austin sign this exclusive SmackDown! contract. Austin is on his way out here - what do you mean? Because I have my sources, I sent someone in to get Stone Cold. I'm gonna sign Austin before the night is over."
UP NEXT: Time soon for the WWF Undisputed Title Presentation...to Triple H!
There's a look at the KeyBank marquee...even though it's the PEPSI Arena.
Here comes RIC FLAIR with the new TNN - I mean, the new title belt that will replace the other two. Here also are the RAW Credits, transmitido en espanol SAP, TV-14-DLV and CC boxes. We're still gonna have the RAW Zone, it appears - even if they never actually MENTION it. Hey, how come Jericho never got a new belt? "You've heard me say this a thousand times...this time, I couldn't say it more meaningfullil, more meaningfully. This is the most coveted trophy in ALL of professional sports. And it's my honour tonight to present the reigning World Wrestling Federation champion with this new Undisputed Championship belt...I'm talking about Triple H. Triple H, as you know, came back from a near career-ending injury, he worked, he slaved, he trained to bring himself back to a level that not only took him to a win at the Royal Rumble, it enabled him to win the title at WrestleMania, so please...without further ado, please bring out Triple H, the Undisputed..." Umm, that's AWESOMETAKER's music. Maybe he's disputing it? Ross mentions that Flair made Taker his first draft pick "...so he can make the Undertaker's life a living hell, and anybody that can't figure that out must be a REAL idiot!" Whoa, who crapped in Ross' Kashi? Taker makes a slow walk to the ring - in the ring - and gets himself a microphone. Taker turns his head towards Flair. "So this is how it's gonna be, huh, Flair? You're gonna draft me #1 so you can come out and embarrass me whenever you feel like. Is that how it goes? And I guess you think I'm gonna set back and let that happen. I guess you think I'm gonna set back and watch you give that Undisputed title to Triple H. Well let me fill you in on a few facts about Triple H, Ric Flair...first wait a minute, wait a minute, minute, wait a minute, wait a minute...why don't we go back a couple weeks to Toronto, Canada, at WrestleMania Eighteen - you remember that, Ric? Do you remember me beatin' you down and leaving you in a puddle of your own blood right in the middle of the ring? And you must say honestly, it was probably the most pain that you ever felt in your life - I tell you what, why don't you say 'what' if you like to sleep with your own sister." HA HA!!!! "You remember that, don't you, Ric? Well let me tell you a little story in history - the year before in WrestleMania, I did the exact same thing to Triple H. You see, every time I wrestle Triple H, I beat his ass. I can't help it, I just do it. But now...you expect me to set back while you give that Undisputed title to Triple H. You know what that sounds like to me, Ric? It sounds like somebody's tryin' to show me up. It sounds like somebody's trying to disrespect me. And I TOLD you...if you drafted me number one, that I was gonna make every day of your life a WrestleMania moment. Well I guess it's about time I lived up to my promise." Glasses are already off...now the coat is off...and NOW the Game is on - or at least his music is, anyway...here comes THE MAN, WWF title around waist for the last time, WCW title over shoulder for the last time, water in hand, and shirt brought to you by Red Baron frozen pizza - Bring Home the Baron tonight(tm)! H joins the party in the ring, hands his belts to Flair in exchange for the microphone, but before he speaks, we ride out a "Tri Pull H" chant. "You know somethin', Dead Man...you're right. You DID beat me at WrestleMania last year. But that was then, and this is now. And right now, *I* AM The Undisputed World Wrestling Federation Champion. And I've got fifteen pounds of gold over there that says you can't beat my ass again." Taker thoughtfully scracthes his chin. "Is that right. Well I tell you what Mr. Undisputed Champion - why don't you put yo money where your mouth is? At Backlash, what do you say - me and you? For the belt." "Me and you at Backlash...the Undisputed title on the line...you're on. But I'll tell ya what...I can't see no point in waitin'. Why don't we do it right here, right now?" H throws down the mic and removes his shirt. Taker regards the situation...H takes another step forward and now they're standing nose to nose. And given the size of H's nose....sorry. "Backlash...will be just fine." Crowd boos - they want it now! But Taker is awesome and won't give it to them...slowly walking back over to Flair...taking the new title belt from him... "It's a time fine lookin' title right there. Hell it's even got your name on it, boy." Taker undoes the snaps. "So I tell you what..." Taker drapes the belt over H's shoulder. "Why don't you hold onto that....while you still can." Play "Rollin'!" Hey, you know what - that worked for me.
TONIGHT: Stone Cold! WE SWEAR!
Ya know, with Mick Foley doing the VO on this TNN promo - I wonder if that's another gig for him...or just temporary. Hey by the way, aren't you SICK AND TIRED about hearing about Dee Snider's MSNBC voiceover gig? ENOUGH ALREADY DEE SNIDER is what *I* say! Yeah! Who's with me? Yeah! Yeah!
This Special Video Look "Behind the Scenes: Scorpion King" makes sure you get your dose of Rock on tonight's show anyway. It's coming 19 April!
TONIGHT: Trish vs. Terri - a Bikini/Paddle on a Pole Match! Has a slash ever been better placed? Lord have mercy!
HARDY BOYZ (Matt & Jeff - Cameron,
North Carolina, 445 pounds - with RAW
is brought to you by Mint Skittles - why don't they call 'em Minttles?,
truth, and Burger King!) v. MR. PERFECT & BOSS MAN (Robbinsdale,
Minnesota and Cobb County, Georgia - 567
Terri lotions up! Robe is on - and now she is WALKING (away so we can see her ass)!
The WWF Rewind is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily! From SmackDown two weeks ago, Trish & Lita defeat Jazz & Ivory - do you take Trish seriously yet?
PADDLE ON THE POLE BIKINI MATCH: TERRI
(WWFDivas.com) v. TRISH STRATUS (WWFDivas.com
Outside, Vince continues to talk to me on his phone: "No no no, Austin hasn't arrived. I sent word - I've got faith he's gonna be here. Somehow I'm gonna get to him, I know damn well. I tried to get back into the building - a minute ago, I opened the door and that big seven foot goof was still standing there - what do you WANT me to do? I just know that somehow...somehow, I'm gonna get back in that building tonight. Somehow, I'm gonna make my case to Stone Cold. All right, I'll talk to you later. Yeah. It's cold." Vince back in the limo - hey don't forget the poor freezing cameraman!
Another Foley sighting for the "Robot Wars: Extreme Warriors" ad
And here's another "Scorpion King" ad - he comes for the woman...and your head
Drowning Pool's "The Game" is a track on the Forceable Entry CD - I know this because I'm watching this video clip snippet right here
Into WWF New York we go...
And now back to Ric Flair who interrupts his phone call (with ME) to talk to Steve Austin - hey, it's really Steve Austin! "Stone Cold Steve Austin...how are you?" Austin eventually takes the offered handshake. "I'm fine." "Been looking for you all night." "You got some time to talk to me?" "Anything?" "I'm just wondering why you're not letting Vince McMahon into the building." "I'm not letting him in the building because it's my show and I don't want to take the chance on him screwing it up." "You won't let him in the building." "No." "...I want you to let him in the building." "You want me to let Vince McMahon in this building tonight." "Yeah, I know all the crap the sumbitch has pulled...but I think it's only fair that I get a chance to listen to everything he's got to say. Right out of his mouth, Stone Cold Steve Austin can make his decision." "After all he's done to you..." "Hey - we all got a past to live down, don't we. Huh? I think it's fair that I listen to what the man has to say. So I tell you what we're gonna do. After this next match, you, me and Vince McMahon are gonna go to that ring - I'm gonna listen to what you got to say, what he's got to say, and I'm gonna make up my mind...right here tonight." He leaves before Flair can provide an answer...
Your hosts are a pair of kings - JIM ROSS & JERRY LAWLER.
Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! where, to me, Kane was a HELL of a lot more "hilarious" before everyone else fell over themselves to TELL me how "hilarious" he was - also, Kane got the decision over X-Pac in the six-man main event...which naturally leads to
Hey! It's Kane! And he's WALKING! The RAW Zone is LIVE, or so says this graphic!
"WWF Divas 2002 Swimsuit Edition" magazine - in stores tomorrow! Unused slogan: YOU CAN BEAT OFF TO IT, SON
Big Show shills Stacker 2 - again
KANE (Parts Unknown, 326 pounds - with
Forceable Entry CD cover...and
Castrol Motor Oily presents Backlash - coming in twenty days!) v. X-PAC
(Minneapolis, Minnesota, 212 pounds - with Scott Hall & Kevin
Vince McMahon is allowed in - allowed in so that we may see him WALKING!
Tough Enough 2 ad
Hmm, Foley's doing VO on *this* ad, too - hey I think we're onto something here. You know who I always hated on voiceovers? Penn Gillette for Comedy Central - MAN he sucked. I was ready to write in offering to work FOR FREE if only they'd lose him...then I remembered that I wasn't anybody famous and they wouldn't give a crap if I offered to work for free, so I didn't.
WWF Shop Zone Dot Come ad
RIC FLAIR is in the ring when we get back. "Ladies and gentlemen, I told you earlier tonight that the RAW brand would make a contractual offer to Stone Cold Steve Austin - Austin that would ensure the services of Stone Cold to the RAW brand forever. It is now my privlige to introduce--" BILLIONAIRE VINCE makes his entrance (with music and video) at this point, probably *not* whom Flair was intending to introduce. Vince seems pretty happy. "Well Ric what's the story? You seem a little upset, Ric. Are you upset because Austin himself insisted - insisted I come out here? You're upset about that, right? Are you prepared to LOSE again, Ric? Just a couple of things to set you straight, pal. You know what Austin's lookin' for, he's lookin' for leadership. He's lookin' for business savvy. I'd like to remind you and everyone else that it was my intellectual sperm - you heard me, I said it was my intellectual sperm - that fertilized the egg known then as professional wrestling and then became what is now known as modern-day sports entertainment. See, it was my business acumen, Mr. Flair, some sixteen years ago if I recall in which I could see into the future - I could see that not only would WWF fans come to a live WWF event, but they could stay at home and watch these mega-events on something then known - or not known until I made it famous - pay per view. That was me, Ric, that wasn't you. When you were bustin' your ass takin' backdrops over the top rope, that was ME, Ric. It was me who recognised that the World Wrestling Federation wouldn't be just a national phenomenon. No, I recognised, me (Vince McMahon) that the World Wrestling Federation would be a living, breathing, global brand of entertainment. Me, not you. Those are the things that Stone Cold Steve Austin is contemplating before he comes out here and signs this contract, Ric. And, quite frankly, it was also me who recognised maybe that the Ringmaster wasn't gonna cut it and it was me who introduced Stone Cold Steve Austin, himself. So you see, Ric, that's why Austin, tonight, will sign MY SmackDown! contract, and be exclusive to--" The sound of breaking glass interrupts and brings out STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - hmm, no Forceable Entry track for Austin HAH? - and four corners for Austin, Vince applauding the whole time. Flair offers Austin his mic - Austin opts to get his own. "First of all, allow me, allow me to say I LIKE THAT T-SHIRT!" "First of all, let me say I don't give a rat's ass about your intellectual sperm! You got a contract for me?" "Yes sir, I do." "You got a contract for Stone Cold?" "Yes, I do." "You want me to leave RAW? Join SmackDown! - walk away from Ric Flair - walk away from the Nature Boy - tell him no - tell you yes - that's what you want. Say something, you can say something, you want him to say something? I wanna hear what you got to say - say something..." "I want you--" "...anything - these people - will let you say something--" "SHUT UP DAMMIT!" "What?" Ross makes a reference to Gino Ariemo and even *I* can't figure out who the hell he's talking about - must be an Oklahoman in-joke. We move from a "What?" chant to an "Asshole" chant. Ross: "Lotta woooo's, King." "I don't know how good your hearin' is, but you got about twelve thousand people calling you an asshole right now." Oops, Austin doesn't usually undermine GOOD OL' JR like that. "And you want me to come out here and forget about all the hell you put me through. You made my life a living hell. You had me beat up, jumped from behind, arrested, you humiliated me, made me look like a jackass. And I'm gonna forget about that." Turns to Flair. "And you want me to sign that contract, don't you, Ric Flair?" "Yes." "You do?" "Yes." "You do?" "Yes." "What?" "Yes." "What?" "Yes." "What?" "Yes." "What?" "Yes." "What? You want me to sign that contract, don't you?" "He interrupted you, that son of a bitch. You don't interrupt Stone Cold Steve Austin!" "Shut up. Did you get a chance to see this (flips him the bird)? Now I will say that I am intrigued by both offers. But when I sit there and I think about it - and I got respect for you, as many times as you were world champion, I respect that. I respect what you've done for the world of professional wrestling. What you've done with the World Wrestling Federation. The success that I had when you were the boss - I respect that - because I was successful - I was a bad son of a bitch - and I still am - a bad son of a bitch - so, uhh...you want me to put my name on that contract? Put 'er there. I'll sign the contract, you got a deal." "You're gonna sign with me?" "You're damn right I'm gonna sign with you, you got a deal." They shake hands. "This is something you'll never regret. Stone Cold is now the exclusive property of WWF SmackDown!" Austin turns to Flair. "I wanna say to you first and to your face so there's no problems between you and me: no disrespect. Business is business." They shake hands. "You got a pen." "Yes sir, I've got a pen, I dropped it over here, I hope you don't mind." "Pick it up." "As far as no hard feelings are concerned, I hope, Mr. Flair, you don't have any hard feelings on the fact that Stone Cold saw the light." "McMahon, I'm always gonna hate your guts." "That's just too damn bad, Ric." "Where'm I supposed to sign that?" "That'd be on the last page. There we go." "This is all official, right?" "That's exactly right?" "I'll be on SmackDown!?" "Exclusive property of SmackDown!" "Pay starts right now?" "Your pay starts tonight." "Cheques are comin' in the mail." "Unless you want cash." "Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vince McMahon? I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about...this contract and tonight...April Fool." KICK WHAM STUNNER! Play his music! Flair acts like he's seen the glory. "All right! This is it! This is it! Stone Cold! Stone Cold is on RAW! Stone Cold is on RAW - where's the beer?" Flair outside, and back in with the Igloo. Beer Austin, beer Flair - that's a big swig, and a kneedrop on the beer to boot. Flair with another beer woooo! "Stone Cold is on RAW! Woooo!" Austin hasn't drank yet. "Woooo!" Flair downs another one...and pours a bit on Vince. "Stone - Cold - is on RAW - woooo!" Strut. Flair with another can - another swig - another strut. Off the ropes - strut - DO IT AUSTIN DO IT - Flair with a WOOOO! in Austin's face...another strut - another swig - FINALLY KICK WHAM STUNNER FLAIR Play his music again! Austin signs the RAW contract (I think - that sure is a lot of writing!) and puts the contract on Flair's chest. Austin to a corner and FINALLY he downs a beer. Another corner, another beer. Vince is just about back to his feet. Austin hands him a beer and lets him look at it just long enough to go "hey I'm holding onto a beer OH NO IT'S ANOTHER KICK WHAM STUNNER" Austin to a third corner as the RAW Zone credits come up - and we're out. There's the WWF logo.
Okay, NOW I think I'm ready to give this thing a chance. There was so much more "done this right" tonight than we've had for quite a while. It just makes you wonder why they didn't do some of it SOONER?