That's awesome! Whatever happened to Gary Strydom, anyway? (DISCLAIMER: I don't really want to know what happened to Gary Strydom, so please put away your emails on that point)

QUICK QUOTE: WWF 15.31 (+ .61, last year: 12.70, two years ago: 14 3/4) - well whaddaya know, SOMEBODY'S buying this turkey

TONIGHT: AT&T Broadband gives me sixty-something channels, and guess which ONE is out? That's right, channel 70 - TNN! So no preview for you!

T(O)N(I)G(HT): If I'd actually been able to see "Man of the People," I MIGHT have said "this episode had two things going for it - that nightgown Troi wore in that one scene, and NOTHING ELSE BECAUSE THIS EPISODE WAS WACK." But I didn't, so I'm not.

Dammit, TNN has been out for well over an hour - and I'm only calling AT&T Broadband ONCE to complain about this. Well, hell....NOW what is a boy to do? (Get The Cubs Fan to fill in again - he loves it when you heap work on him!) Nah, that's cruel. HEY! I'll get Jake! Yeah... JAKE DOESN'T MIND! Take it, Jake!

Hi, I'm Seadawg! Check out /Tuesday each week at slashwrestling.com for even more of me, if this doesn't turn you off completely.

Here we go:

The Raw opening! Play that funkin music!

Pyro goes boom! Raw is live from the campus of Texas A&M! JR says they're in "Aggieland", which is no Aggieville, let me tell you.

TONIGHT: – Triple H!

Here comes RIC FLAIR! JR reminds us of last week's show-closing Stunner. "You guys are on fire tonight, aren't ya?" (Cheering!) "Good, cause we got a tremendous, tremendous program tonight. But I wanna start out almost by apologizing to all of you out here for being the first one on the show, because we have a wealth of great performers back there, second to none, and I don't wanna keep them off camera for another minute. But as a result of events that took place on Raw last Monday night, I've got to address a certain individual. Now Stone Cold Steve Austin...". (Cheering!) "I recognize the fact that you are anti-authority. But unlike Vince McMahon, Stone Cold... I have no desire to go to war with you. I have no desire to go to war with Stone Cold. Actually, Stone Cold, if you think about it, you and I probably have a lot in common. Cause see, I've only been an owner for a little less than a year. Prior to that I went up and down the highways, just like you. Busting my ass night after night to give these people the best in professional wrestling! And let me explain something else to ya. I told you last Monday night, and I mean it... as sure as I'm standing here... I like you, Austin. And I'm determined to make our relationship work". Lawler makes suck-up noises. "Personally, there's nothing I'd rather see more than you beating Undertaker at Backlash... and going on to wrestle the winner of the championship match between Triple H and Hulk Hogan. No vendettas, no agendas. Clearly, in my mind, Steve Austin... you are The Man. But I got a problem with what happened last week, so if you would please show everybody here tonight world-wide what happened last night." Last night?

The Tron shows clips of Flair running down last week and eventually taking a Stunner.

"Now that I got a problem with. The first time you stunned me, Austin, I let it slide. Then I gave everybody a simple warning: put your hands on the owner... and there'd be hell to pay. So as a result of what happened—" Breaking glass! Here comes STONE COLD to offer up a rebuttal. Up to the corners and OOH Flair steps in front of him before he can get to corner number three! "As I was saying..." (Austin! Austin! Austin!) Flair motions for the crowd to quiet down. "As I was saying... put your hands on me again, there'll be hell to pay. Now... I'm not going to suspend ya like I did Kevin Nash. But I'm gonna fine ya. Five thousand dollars. Are... we... clear?" Austin goes and grabs his own microphone. (Austin! Austin! Austin!) Imagine there's a "what" chant after every sentence. "You're askin' me are we clear? That's what you're sayin'? Are we clear? Do I understand you? I look at you eye to eye. I can hear ya. I can read your lips. And you're askin' are we clear? Let me ask you a question. Are WE clear? You tell me right now. Who was my opponent last Monday night supposed to be? Was it Goldust? Was it Booker T? Was it William Regal? Was it Spike Dudley? Was it Bubba Ray Dudley? Was it Kane? Was it? Was it Ric Flair? Was it the Nature Boy? No, it wasn't. It wasn't Stone Cold Steve Austin versus Ric Flair. You know what it was? It was Stone Cold. Versus Scott Hall. Are you Scott Hall? Are you Razor Ray-mone?" Hahaha ‘Raymone'. "EH-EH! No, you're not. So if you come down to this ring uninvited in a match between Stone Cold Steve Austin and Scott Hall and you get your ass stunned, that's just the way it is!" Flair is wide-eyed! "You said you come down here to even the score. Was I asking for help? Was I crying? Was I begging? Was I screaming for mercy? Did I call ya? Did I give ya an e-mail? Did I send a smoke signal? Did I fax ya? HELL NO! I didn't do a damn thing. You run out here, BAM, you caught a Stunner. Big deal!" (Cheering!) "Are you supposed to be some kind of rescue dog? Are you Lassie? Are you my protective angel? Lookin' over my shoulder? Every time I get in trouble? You come runnin'? You're a big hero? You're Superman? I don't think so. I didn't need your help last week, and this Sunday at Backlash. When I whip the Undertaker's ass. One, two, three. You're lookin'. At the man. Who will be. The #1 contender. After Backlash. Cause I'm gonna whip. The Undertaker's. Ass. Why? Why? Why? Cause that's the bottom line! Cause Stone Cold said so!" Oh snap, here comes THE UNDERTAKER. He strolls to the ring and gives everyone the stink eye. "See... as far as I'm concerned... there ain't but one bottom line. Your focus is on the wrong man. See, me and you, Austin... we got this long history together. Been a lot of battles. Been a lot of wars. You win some. I win some. You bust my head open. I bust your head open. And make no mistake about it... Sunday, it will be a war. We don't like each other, never have, never will. But ya see, Sunday, it's a little bit different. It ain't because we don't like each other. Sunday's about a shot at the WWF title. Ya see, with this whole brand extension, and the owners competing against each other... we ain't gonna have the same opportunities to get that title." (Austin! Austin! Austin!) "So you need to focus. Our past, out feelings, it don't mean a damn. But I want you to know... if I gotta out-wrestle ya, I'm gonna out-wrestle ya. If I gotta out-fight ya, I'm gonna out-fight ya. And if I gotta out-cheat ya, I'll out-cheat ya. But make no... make no mistake about it. Sunday at Backlash I'm gonna beat ya. And then I'm gonna go on to win the WWF title. But what's kinda pissin' me off is how you stand out here and you're tryin' to pick a fight... when deep down inside, you know... you want his help. No no no no no. No no no no. You don't WANT his help. You NEED his help." Zing! Austin responds. "Let me just tell it like it is. I don't need nobody's help. I don't need his help. And if he shows up. In our match. After I stun you. Pin you one, two three. I'll stun his ass. And that's all I got to say about that!" "Well, that's good, because you got it all wrong again. He ain't gonna be in any position to be stunned. Cause if he gets out of line, after I beat your ass, I'll kick his teeth down his throat." Flair isn't happy. "Ya both got it wrong. Because as the owner of this company, I'm making myself special guest referee of the match between you two at Backlash!" Hey, my screen's turning funny. Why, it's SCOTT HALL & X-PAC coming to join the party. "Hey yo! The nWo is sick of hearin' about what Ric Flair wants. I never thought I would agree with Stone Cold, but he's right. You had no business stickin' your nose in our match." (X-Pac sucks! X-Pac sucks!) "Because I had Austin beat one-on-one, and then I'll go to Backlash and beat the Undertaker! But you stuck your nose in my business and that other stupid Texas redneck... Bradshaw... stuck his nose in my business. So, Boss Man, what I want tonight is Stone Cold Steve Austin... Scott Hall... one on one! And after I beat YOU" (points at Austin) "I'm gonna beat YOU" (points at Taker). "So what's it gonna be, Flair?" "You ain't gotta ask Flair, that's fine with me, I'll whip your ass right here tonight in this ring. That's fine." Hall and X-Pac get in the ring as Flair speaks. "That ain't fine with me, though. See, that's not fine with me. You want an answer, take the ‘w' out of nWo... the answer's no!" "Then there's only one thing left to do." Hall looks ready to strike... and here comes BRADSHAW! It's a pier six brawl! Katy, bar the door! Austin and Bradshaw clean house! Flair is going nuts on the outside. I think he caught a shot during the bru-ha-ha. Austin tosses a cold one to Bradshaw and they drink while Flair rants on the outside.

There's nothing like the WWF live!

Moments ago, Bradshaw hit the ring and shoved Flair down in the process. And we see a shot of Taker aiming for Austin but catching Flair with a soupbone.

Backstage, Flair is livid while Arn stands by. "I'M THE OWNER OF THE COMPANY! WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON? THEY DON'T PUT THEIR HANDS ON ME! I TOLD ‘EM! I OWN THE COMPANY!" Flair shoves the camera and gets beeped out. "I'M SICK OF THIS! THEY PUT THEIR HANDS ON ME? I WANT THE RESPECT THAT GOES WITH THE TITLE! THIS IS THE WILD WEST? THEY WANNA TEAR IT DOWN? I'LL TELL YA WHAT! TONIGHT THEY CAN TEAR THE WHOLE BUILDING DOWN! BRADSHAW! YOU AND AUSTIN ARE GONNA WRESTLE TONIGHT AS PARTNERS! " Flair throws around some nearby junk. "AGAINST THE NWO AND UNDERTAKER! TONIGHT, RIGHT HERE! WILD WILD WEST! ANYTHING GOES!" More junk gets thrown. "I'M TIRED OF IT, ARN! TIRED OF IT!"

BUH BUH RAY DUDLEY VS. RAVEN for the WWF Hardcore Championship - The announcers react to Flair's announcement as Bubba heads down and tosses various items into the ring. Raven comes down with his cart of goodies. In goes more weapons. Raven's in and there's the bell. Bubba takes the advantage and pops Raven with a trash can lid. Bubba up top! Raven catches him with a road sign and slams him off the ropes. The corner whip and clothesline gets Raven a 2 count. Raven breaks something over Bubba's head. Trash can shot! Stop sign shot! Bubba falls and flattens a trash can! 1, 2, Bubba pops outta there. Both guys get trash can lids and smash each other. And they do it again! Bubba ducks a swing and hits a neckbreaker. I Did JR just call Raven "Scotty"? Both guys get up and Bubba puts Raven back down. Flapjack! A few elbows and Bubba DANCES before dropping a forearm. Bubba's got the look! "BUBBA! GET THE TABLES!" Bubba's out to the floor and is pulling one out. Baseball slide from Raven! He throws Bubba back inside. Raven Effect! 1, 2, ... well the ref never really hit the 3, but he calls for the bell. New hardcore champion! (Just over 3:00). Raven takes the belt and... here's TOMMY DREAMER to spoil the party! Spicolli Driver! 1, 2, 3! Tommy wins a belt! Now STEVEN RICHARDS is in there. STEVENKICK! 1, 2, 3! Steven holds the belt and Bubba's got a guitar! He cracks it on Stevie's head! Choke on that, slapnuts! 1, 2, 3! Bubba regains the title. He dances a few steps and heads up the ramp.

The Big Show is strolling the halls! JR wonders who is man enough to wrestle him.

Backlash is Sunday! Order it on WWF.com starting Tuesday morning.

The Coach is backstage with... SHAWN STASIAK. Shawn has on sunglasses and the worst haircut ever. Coach mentions that it's Stasiak's return to Raw and asks why he'd choose to fight the Big Show. "Why, Coach, why do you ask? Do you think I'm a... MANIAC? Do you think I've gone a little... CRAZYACK? You know, I did see my shrink last week, I think he's a QUACK cause he wanted to get me on some PROZAC. Don't worry, Coach, I do have a plan of ATTACK. So sit BACK, relax, and enjoy the ride. Welcome to MY WORLD. Welcome to PLANET... STASIAK." And he storms off.

That was certainly awful! Hopefully on purpose.

THE BIG SHOW VS. SHAWN STASIAK - Show enters while the announcers wonder where exactly Planet Stasiak is. JR: "Somewhere around Uranus?" Raw is brought to you by The Scorpion King! And Honda! And Truth! Stasiak heads on down and poses on the ropes. There's the bell.

It's been a thin slice of heaven. Take it away, CRZ!

Thanks very much to Jake. Email him at thejake007@hotmail.com and DO come back to the [slash] for Jake's Awesomely Outrageous Tuesday Thing. That's what we insiders call it - the JAOTT. (Uh huh.)

I'd also like to thank both Albert and Madame Manga for offering to get my back in my time of need. At somewhere close to 21:36, the cable company FINALLY got TNN switched back on, so...on with the (Big) Show!

THE BIG SHOW (Tampa, Florida - 500 pounds) v. SHAWN STASIAK (Oakville, Ontario - 261 pounds)
referee: NICK PATRICK
That really is the worst toupee I've ever seen - and I'm including all the OTHER ones I've seen Stasiak wear. Stasiak gets the jump on the confused Show - forearm, right, right, right, pulls him out, no, Show pulls him into the ropes instead, Stasiak ducks the clothesline, grabs a waistlock and DOES get him off his feet but only a few inches - Show rares back with the elbow and finds that an effective counter. Well it's a big forearm in the back. Well it's a big into the corner - two boots up by Stasiak on the charge - drops down and successfully trips up Show with a leglace - kicks the back of the thigh, elbowdrop, kick, kick, elbowdrop, tries for a figure four but Show kicks him into the corner - shoved into the corner, splash, open-handed slap, into the ropes, well it's a big clothesline, well it's a big boot, DOWN COME THE STRAPS, ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - 1, 2, 3. (1:26) Shawn's out on his back...eeack.

Let Us Take You Back to RAW 2 weeks ago where Eddie Guerrero gave a frog splash to Rob van Dam

Eddie is set to give Terri a once-over - or twice-over - or thrice-over - okay, we get it - right after this

Backlash ad - Hogan/Triple H is hyped

Lita shills Stacker 2 - boy that Kenny Wallace eats a lot of Mexican food, don't he?

Scoprion King ad - with the Rock!

Check out the exterior of the Reed Arena - hook 'em horns, that's the Tejas A&M logo! Go Aggies! MOOOOOOOOOOO! Since I didn't get a chance earlier, let me drop in and tell you that this is WWF RAW, coming to you LIVE 15.4.2 (happy Tax Day - ugh) from the Reed Arena on the campus of Tejas A&M in College Station, TX and don't look now but we're surrounded by Texicans

TERRI is backstage with Eddie Guerrero, who is STILL getting all possible angles of her. "How do I feel? Well I'll tell you something, mamacita, I feel great about it. You see, I've been trying to get a lot of things right in my life, you know what I mean, mommy? And this is just a step in the right direction. You know, part of gettin' things right is taking back what rightfully belongs to you. Well that intercontinental title - that rightfully belongs to Eddie Guerrero, and in my opinion Rob van Dam STOLE that. And not only that, you know what else he stole? He stole - heh - heh - can you believe this, HE STOLE MY FROG SPLASH! My frog splash. It's okay. Okay. Come Sunday at Backlash, see I'm not steal nothin' from him, if you know what I mean mommy, I'm just gonna take back what is rightfully mine. And you know how I'm gonna do that? I'm gonna do it...with MY frog splash, yeah I'm gonna beat him with my frog splash, 1, 2, 3, new intercontinental champion, Latino Heat Eddie Guerrero, that's right, mommy - and tonight, with William Regal as my partner, that awesome wrestler, we're gonna take on Spike and that klepto - and he's gonna find out what Latino Heat is all about."

Meanwhile, in a dressing room, Booker T warms up...but stops short when Goldust shows up and inhales behind him. "HEY MAN what the hell is wrong witchoo - don't come in here with that (inhale) crap! Last week, you cost me the hardcore title - and instead of jackin' you tonight, I find out Ric Flair have teamed us up...at your request. You better start talkin' sucka." "First off, I apologise for last week's hardcore shenanigans. I got a little greedy for the gold--" "Yeah you did!" "...but I see a star, and in you, I see the brightest star in the sky." "Well I see a gold freak about to get his ass kicked if he don't back the hell up, sucka!" "But you're missing the bigger picture! Think about it - think about it for just a minute...a pair of two mismatched rogues...one from the streets of inequity(?) - the other - the womb of sacrilege - together we could make the biggest blockbuster since ... Mel Gibson...Danny Glover...Lethal Weapon. Yeah. Together, we WILL make ... box office (inhales, bites) gold." Off he goes, leaving T to make a face and mutter "Man, I'm gettin' too old for this (shit)."

Meanwhile, Debra! Gets coffee! But the Undertaker! Is approaching! Of course, she is so startled she spills some on him on her way the heck outta there...

Let Us Take You Back to Saturday, Courtesy: NBC, and show you bits and pieces of The Rock hosting "Saturday Night Live" - I thought it was pretty good, meself

CRASH (Mobile, Alabama - 220 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back To Heat) v. LET'S GO TO THE BACK

Terri stands with Jacqueline - after what we saw from Heat last night, she challenged him to a rematch? "You damn right. Do you think I'm going to let that punk pull that crap? This is Texas - my home state. And tonight, I'm going to show Crash...whether it's love or war, when you cheat on me, there's a price to pay." Wow, Terri and Jackie have the same hair colour

CRASH (Mobile, Alabama - 220 pounds) v. JACQUELINE (Dallas, Texas)
referee: CHAD PATTON
Jackie wastes no time hitting the ring and comes up shoving - another shove, Crash with a right OHHHH. Crash with a stun gun, feet on the ropes, 1, 2, Patton notices and stops his count. While he argues, Jackie climbs up - there's a missile dropkick - sunset flip - 1, 2, 3, whoops it's over. (0:30)

Speaking of quick matches, Let Us Take You Back To Last Week where Spike won the European championship in "under five seconds" - yep, they replay the whole match.

Backstage, Jonathan Coachman seeks William Regal's reaction. "My reaction. You want my reaction? What the bloody hell d'you THINK my reaction is? It was the single most humiliating experience of my life?" "Well...no offense, but...THE most humiliating experience of your entire life? I mean, weren't you the first man that had to kiss Vince McMahon's bare behind?" Regals smiles...at first. "That's true, isn't it - NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU MISERABLE FOUL PIECE OF EXCREMENT - I'm not in a joking mood! Spike Dudley may have thought he pulled off the feel-good moment of the year by hitting me with that foreign object and defeating me for my European title, but that feel-good moment is going to turn into a career-ending bloody tragedy! Tonight, I'm going to beat him to a bloody pulp in the tag match, and then I'm going to take what's left of the miserable little bastard, and beat him within an inch of his life to regain my precious European championship! If you...if you *ever* conduct an interview with me again, and you treat me with the disrespect that you've shown me here today, rest assured, sunshine...I'LL CRACK YOUR BLOODY SKULL OPEN!"

ROB VAN DAM (Intercontinental champion - Battle Creek, Michigan - 235 pounds - with Forceable Entry CD cover) and SPIKE DUDLEY (European champion - Dudleyville - 150 pounds - with St. Louis RAW hype - tix still available!) v. WILLIAM REGAL (Blackpool, England - 240 pounds - with RAW credits & transmitido en espanol SAP & TV-14-DLV & CC boxes) and EDDIE GUERRERO (El Paso, Tejas - 215 pounds)
referee: EARL HEBNER
Interesting that they'd team Regal with Guerrero, isn't it? (Why, do they have something in common?) Oh come on. Ten agonizing seconds pass between the time Guerrero's music is SUPPOSED to start, and the time it actually DOES start. Guerrero points to van Dam from the floor, and when everyone in the ring is sufficiently distracted, Regal punks out Spike, putting him out on the floor. van Dam turns to Regal and forearms away until Guerrero hits the ring to get HIM from behind...doubleteam on van Dam until Hebner puts Guerrero outside - van Dam reverses an Irish whip into the corner, back body drop out. Viscera kick. Into the ropes is reversed, van Dam ducks, waistlock, to the ropes, Regal shakes him off but he rolls backwards and back to his feet, catching Regal's kick and hitting the stepover heel kick. Regal begs off as we take the Castrol Motor Oily Replay - van Dam with a gutshot, right hand, into the friendly corner, tumbling run monkey flip WITH a tag - as Spike comes in, Regal manages a tag to Guerrero. Spike tries a dropkick but Guerrero slaps it away. Eddie with a stomp, stomp, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, atomic drop by Spike, clotheslines him down, gutshot, neckbreaker, right, Regal is running the apron and drawing over van Dam, causing Hebner to devote his attention to putting HIM back in the corner - behind his back, Guerrero reverses a whip from Dudley and Regal puts a knee in his back. Into the ropes by Guerrero - tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Stomp. Over to Regal for a tag as we take another Castrol Replay. Guerrero doubles him over with a gutshot, then Regal comes off the ropes with a kick to the head for 1. Regal with a belly-to-back half nelson throw that folds up Spike like a Kraft single - he grabs his neck and rolls outside...where there's no rest - Guerrero with an elbow and a bodyslam on the floor - and puts him back in for Regal. Regal snapmares him over, shin choke and tag - Guerrero with a stomp. Castrol Replay of Regal's awesome suplex, meanwhile Guerrero puts Spike into the ropes, drops down, then hits a replay - and gives van Dam a free shot as well. While Hebner holds van Dam at bay, Guerrero puts Spike in the friendly corner so Regal can unleash a pummelin'. Let's take ANOTHER angle of that half nelson belly-to-back. Regal comes in without a tag - European uppercut. Into the ropes, Spike ducks, Spike with a crossbody - 1, 2, no! Regal with a boot to the head. Stomp, stomp, stomp, double kneelift to the face, open-handed slap ino the corner, forearm, left, into the opposite corner - but Spike bursts out with a head in the gut! Spike goes for a Dudley 'dog but Guerrero is in to break it up - so Spike gives HIM a 'rana instead! Guerrero sildes out, Spike to the corner and makes the HOT TAG to van Dam! van Dam on fire with Regal - kick, elbow, elbow, jumping kick, free shot to shove Guerrero off the apron, Rolling Thunder for Regal, 1, 2, NO. Regal vaults up top - jumping thrust kick finds the mark. Slams him down - split-legged moonsault but Guerrero is back in to break it up. Kick by van Dam on Regal, forearm, into the corner, head to the gut, head to the gut, superfluous backflip, Regal is out but van Dam ducks the clothesline, leaps to the second rope and connects on the plancha - 1, 2, Guerrero breaks it up! Guerrero with a BIG neckbreaker on van Dam to boot - Spike tags himself in - elbow for Regal, elbow, elbow, into the corner, but Regal gets the forearm up. Tag to Guerrero. Guerrero runs in but nobody's home - Spike grabs a waistlock - reversal by Guerrero - death suplex and AGAIN Spike lands on his head. van Dam comes in with a forearm for Guerrero but this draws in Regal...who runs van Dam to the floor - and follows. Guerrero gives Spike a brainbuster, then climbs up - this'll be the frog splash - oh but yes. 1, 2, 3. Welcome back, Eddie. (5:50) Eddie's celebration is short-lived as van Dam comes back in - spins him around, gutshot, elbow, elbow, into the ropes, presses him up and dropkicks him on the way back down. van Dam going up top...but before he can land the Fivestar, Regal pulls him out of the ring. It's so NICE to see them sticking together! Here's a replay of Eddie's frog splash - and van Dam's dropkick.

TONIGHT: Handicap tag team match - Stone Cold & Bradshaw vs. Undertaker & NWO

WWF Forceable Entry ad

The WWF Rewind is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily! From last week, Jazz clocks Trish Stratus in the head with the title belt...allowing Molly to get the victory

Coachman stands backstage with Stratus. Rematch with Molly to determine the #1 Contender coming up! "Well you know Coach, the way I see it, it's all about give and take. You see, yes, Jazz did give me a shot in the head with the Women's title, but that's okay, because when I beat Molly tonight, I'm gonna take that very same title at Backlash. And when I do, it's gonna be 100% Stratusfaction - guarantee--" Here's Molly to interrupt: "Oh, excuse me, I didn't mean to interrupt. But Coach, you're a male. Tell me, which is more attractive: this borderline softcore pornographic picture of Trish, or...this radiant portrait of beauty? I'm sure a lot more students at Texas A&M have this picture in their dorm room than any of yours. You know what else is a beautiful thing? Tonight, after I beat you, AND I win the WWF title at Backlash, I'll be the first WWF Women's champion to be both pure AND wholesome." Off she goes. "Well, I'll tell you this much, Coach. When I beat Molly tonight, she's gonna find herself in a apparently unfamiliar position - flat on her back.

Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER. Lawler says Trish is saying Molly's a virgin - VIRGIN VIRGIN VIRGIN - whaaaaaatever

MOLLY HOLLY (Mobile, Alabama) v. TRISH STRATUS (Toronto, Ontario) to determine the #1 Contender
referee: JACK DOAN
Lockup, armdrag by Holly. Lockup, scoop...and a slam by Holly. Lockup, fireman's carry takeover by Holly...to an armdrag. Back to their feet - Holly twists the arm, Trish twists back, another arm wringer, Molly pulls the hair to take her down. That dastardly rulebreaker! Molly goes to a wristlock - Trish nips up - elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, into the ropes, Molly ducks, hooks the ropes and goes outside to boos. Shouldn't turn her back - Trish with a baseball slide dropkick that puts Molly into the commentary table. Trish out to slam her head there one time, now everybody back into the ring. Molly begs off but no dice - kick by Stratus, elbow, elbow, elbow, into the ropes, head down, Molly to the hair AGAIN to turn it back around. Molly off the ropes with an elbowdrop - 1, 2, no. (GOOD OL' JR: "Another near fall for Molly Holly" - he must mean "in addition to last week") Stomp by Molly. Head to the buckle. Two handfuls of hair - hairpull takedown. Trish tries a gutshot, Molly puts a forearm in the back. Scooped up...backbreaker across the knee. 1, 2, no. Molly stomps again. Now outside and going up...Molly Go Round MISSES! Both ladies take a spell to recover. Molly over to Stratus - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmyelbow," again, elbow, elbow, Mafia kick off the ropes, and TRISH gets 2. Trish waits for her to get up - roundhouse kick MISSES, Molly grabs a waistlock, to the corner, rollup out, Molly grabs the pants but only gets 2 as Trish rolls back, ALSO grabs the pants, and gets the 3! (3:21 Contact)

Mick Foley hypes Robot Wars: Extreme Warriors, which he hosts

Scorpion King ad

Kurt Angle shills angina

Terri stands backstage with Bradshaw - he gets Scott Hall Sunday at Backlash.

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week Where the NWO Did Bad Things to Kane

"You know, typical NWO - typical cowards - jumping Kane from behind, three on one, hit him with boards, they put him down but they didn't put him out - THAT was a bad mistake. But the thing Scott Hall needs to worry about is this Sunday in Kansas City at Backlash. See, what Scott Hall needs, he probably cain't buy - ya see, you can go to a store, and you can go to the Planters section, and you can buy a lot of things, see, you can buy peanuts, you can buy walnuts, you can even buy macadamia nuts, but the set of nuts that Scott Hall needs, he cain't buy and he doesn't have! You know, surely between him and X-Pac, if they combine, maybe they can get a full set, then put both of those onto Scott, that way when he shows up in Kansas City...you know it doesn't matter, I'm gonna kick his ass anyway. Tonight, though, I have got a gift for my home people, right at the home of the Gig 'em Aggies, the twelfth man! College - Station - Texas. You know, I've got one of the last in the long lineage of great Texans, from Jim Bowie, from Sam Houston, from William Barret Travis at the Alamo, from George Sr. to George W., from Earl Campbell to Roger Staubach, from Tom Landry to Nolan Ryan, to Bodacious! I've got the latest, greatest Texan of 'em all, Stone Cold Steve Austin. And he's gonna walk down the aisle with me against Undertaker and the NWO - you know I could really care less how many nor how big - they can line up, they can bunch up, one thing's for sure, we gonna drink a lotta beer tonight, and we gonna kick a lotta ass."

In the NWO, locker room, Hall & X-Pac are (allegedly) watching this on the monitor. "Man, what is with this Bradshaw. You know, they say there's only two things from Texas, right? Steers--" "Yeah, and queers! Hahahaha!" "I don't see any horns on Bradshaw. You know, he talks so tough before the match....but Sunday on Backlash, he's gotta face the NWO, and it's way more than he can handle. In fact tonight, I say we start on him. We know the Undertaker will take care of Stone Cold--" "Yeah, we ain't gotta even worry about that." "We pick Bradshaw's bones. And Sunday, at Backlash, let's do to Bradshaw, what we did to Kane...rip his face off."

Meanwhile, Coach stands in front of the exciting door! Also there is the name ON that door, Lita, who apparently has been out the past few weeks due to a neck injury (oh NOW they tell us): "I'm feelin' okay, Coach, you know I felt like I was getting worse at home, I just couldn't wait, be away from the action, so I came I had to come back, I couldn't miss another show."

Let Us Take You Back To Last Week Where The Hardyz Worked On Getting Some Revenge On Brock Lesnar

Sunday at Backlash, Matt Hardy takes on Brock Lesnar - also tonight, the Hardyz take on Booker T & Goldust. Before we get her reaction, Paul Heyman horns in - it's a RAIDERS cap this week. "Excuse me, excuse me....excuuse....me. You know, Lita, I know that your mind is on this big tag team match tonight. But if I were you, I'd start thinking about Backlash." Heyman bulls into Lita's dressing room and grabs one of her thongs. "Paul, I'm not gonna say it again, okay, GET OUT." "You're not gonna say it again, Lita - I am. You know, Lita - I represent The Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar. And Brock, this Sunday at Backlash, can make it one of two ways - one way is to play NICE with your boyfriend (Matt Hardy). The other is to play ROUGH with your boyfriend (Matt Hardy). The choice, Lita, is yours - it all depends on how YOU want to play...with ME." Lita answers by slapping him in the face. "Get out of my locker room now, Paul." We wait a thoughtful amount of time for the red hand to appear on Heyman's face...as he stuffs the thong in his coat pocket. "You like to play rough? (whispers) ...so do I." Lita fails to ask the cameraman to follow Paul out.

That Backlash theme song, you may have heard, "Young Grow Old" by Creed, is available on the Forceable Entry CD. Available EVERYWHERE!

Registration opens tomorrow at dotcom for the Backlash LIVE STREAMING VIDEO! WOOOOO!

HARDY BOYZ (Cameron, North Carolina - 441 pounds - with Lita - and Let Us Take You Back To Moments Ago - AND Castrol Motor Oily presents Backlash - THIS Sunday!) v. BOOKER T (Houston, Texas - 251 pounds) and GOLDUST (Hollywood, California - 251 pounds)
referee: Patrick
I am sad that they keep saying "Lethal Weapon" without referring to Steve Blackman. Goldust is wearing a black wig this week - probably means nothin', but now you know. Heels attack away at the start, Goldust runs Jeff out of the ring while Matt turns it around on T - whip by Matt is reversed into Goldust, who clotheslines Matt down. Patrick puts T out while Goldust stays on him - into the ropes, buttbutt. Tag. Held open for the kick from T - chop, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, complaining at Patrick's complaining. Knee, knee, into the ropes, Hardy ducks the heel kick and hits the clothesline takedown. Both men are down - Patrick to 3, tag to Goldust, HOT TAG to Jeff - clothesline by Jeff, clothesline, whip is reversed, but he hits a jumping forearm, "speaking in tongues" double legdrop, stomp, Matt joins him on T - whip into the corner, Poetry in Motion, Matt clotheslines him out - doubleteam on Goldust in the corner, into the opposite corner, Poetry in Motion, gutshot by Matt, Twist of Fate, Jeff climbing up but Lita spies PAUL E. HEYMAN out and brandishing the thong once again - Matt runs after him, Paul throws it at him and hightails it. Meanwhile, Jeff *hits* the swantonbomb on Goldust...but Booker T lands a Harlem sidekick. Goldust hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3. (2:16) Matt back in too late - Paul's back out again and he's got Lita's whole bag o' underwear. Paul randomly throws items in the direction of the ring - here comes Matt again, telling Lita to hang back while he deals with some bidness - BROCK is out to stand in front of him - Hardy goes ahead and tries to spear him - Brock doesn't budge much - big choke by Lesnar, Hardy counters with the good old kick in the nuts. This works. Hardy right, left, right, left misses, Brock with a knee, knee, kicks aside the luggage, knee, up on the shoulders - and there's the TKO on the STEEL stage! Jeff is up too late with a chair - Lesnar and Heyman walk off. Jeff checks on his brother, while Lita...hoo boy, Lita really can't act well at all. I'm sorry, she's a dear I'm sure, but man she sure can't act. Here's a replay. Two refs come out to say help is on the way (thanks!)

UP NEXT: Triple H RETURNS!

Backlash ad - Austin/Undertaker is hyped - whoa, people on this show are in the ad!! (Triple H is on this show!) Well, he wasn't LAST week, my friend.

Behind the Scenes: The Scorpion King - The Rock...versus...a camel

Jim Ross is in the ring to interview Triple H - how Old Skool! Dig the graphic: it's Triple H vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan at Backlash

Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!

As THE MAN makes his way to the ring, Lawler reveals that Mr. McMahon has actually booked a SmackDown! match in advance and shared it with the world - and on Thursday, Triple H & Hulk Hogan will team up to take on Chris Jericho & Kurt Angle. This entrance is brought to you by Red Baron frozen pizza - Bring Home the Baron Tonight! (it isn't really) Ross says he's sure looking forward to Sunday, yep, but how does H feel about what happened with Hogan Thursday on SmackDown!? "You know, Hogan and I both made a lotta mistakes Thursday night, JR. Hogan made a mistake when he went to the ring after I specifically told him to stay outta my business. And I made a mistake when I turned my back on Hulk Hogan. But when Hulk Hogan decided to take matters into his own hands, when he decided to attack me - when he decided to give me the boot and drop the big leg, then Hulk Hogan made the mistake...he made a BIG mistake." Ross asks him about Hulkamania's popularity - it seems to be growing each and every day! Is it possible he could get the leg dropped on his face again, and isn't it posible that Hogan could become the new undisputed champion? "Oh, you're right, JR - Hulkamania is running WILD! There is no doubt about it. And like they say, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation. And, like Hogan says, every time you think Hulkamania is dead and gone, it rises again from the ashes. So it would be a big mistake on my part not to consider every single possibility for this match. But you know something, JR? Thursday night, Hulk Hogan did me a favour. His actions...his actions told me exactly how he intends to play The Game. So let me do Hulk Hogan a favour - let me answer a question for Hulk Hogan - Hogan keeps asking the question, 'WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHER?' Well let me tell you what I'm gonna do - this Sunday, at Backlash, I will make no mistakes. And Hulk Hogan, when you step into the ring with me for the Undisputed World Wrestling Federation championship - MY championship - the answer to your question will be quite simple: I am going to KICK - YOUR - ASS!" Ross asks if he has a pick in the #1 Contender's match...and who he'd rather face of the two. "You know, JR, Austin and the Undertaker are no strangers to each other in the ring, and quite frankly I think this match could pretty much go either way. But it's not gonna matter - when Backlash is over, no matter who the #1 contender is, the one thing they can be sure of is that, when it's over, I'll be waiting. And I will be ready. So it's not gonna matter if it's Stone Cold Steve Austin, it doesn't matter if it's the Undertaker, or anybody else - sooner or later, everybody will come to the realisation, the same realisation that Hulk Hogan will come to Sunday - and that realisation is that I am the Undisputed World Wrestling Federation champion. And I am that, because - I - AM - THE GAME - and I am - THAT - DAMN - GOOD."

UP NEXT: Stone Cold & Bradshaw vs. Undertaker & NWO - it's a handicap tag team match and it's neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeext

Tough Enough 2 ad - the DRAMA, the DRAMA

WWF Excess is part of Slammin' Saturday Night! (So is Excess Late Night, but that's A SECRET)

Lita shills Stacker 2 - again

Hey look, it's WWF New York!

UNDERTAKER (Houston, Texas - 328 pounds - On His Beautiful Bourget Python Bike) and NWO (Scott Hall & X-Pac - 492 pounds) v. BRADSHAW (Austin, [The Great State of] Texas - 292 pounds) and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (Victoria, Texas - 252 pounds)
referee: Hebner
You know, those dotcom geniuses still have Hogan all over nwo.wwf.com - I mean, don't get me wrong...finding obsolete items on WWFE websites is like shooting fish in a barrel, I know this, but even YOU have to admit this is pretty damn egregious in the scheme of things. (Okay, I'll admit it, but only if you tell me what "egregious" means.) Austin and Bradshaw rush the ring and a Pier Five Brawl is on - Bradshaw easily knocks X-Pac down with single punches before working on Hall while Austin ties up with Undertaker. 'Pac ends up thrown out, Hall rolls out, and Hebner forces Bradshaw out - Taker gets a knee to turn it his way - forearm in the back. Uppercut. Into the ropes is reversed, Taker ducks a clothesline and lands his own flying clothesline. Austin in the corner - soupbone. Into the opposite corner - running clothesline. Taker taunts Bradshaw out of sheer awesomeness. Austin into the ropes, reversal, Austin press, nine rights, off the ropes, and Austin drops the hammer. KICK WHAM no Taker drops down to evade the Stunner. Taker assumes the boxing stance - Austin gives him the bird, but the cameras somehow miss it (heh heh). Taker tags X-Pac, who comes in full of pith and vinegar - only to quickly fall to a lariat from Austin. Head to the buckle. Stomp stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp...and stomp. Suplex doesn't work - 'Pac lands on his feet, ducks a clothesline, and lands a back spin heel kick. X-Pac takes over - forearm in the back, again, right, chop, whip is reversed and Austin lands a spinebuster. Hall in - HE gets a spinebuster. 'Pac rammed into Bradshaw's boot and there's the tag. Bradshaw in with a right to the body - head to the buckle, knee, clubbing forearm in the back, forearm, elbow to the face, elbow, elbow, chop, into the opposite corner, follow lariat, big death suplex, cover - Taker breaks it up through the ropes. 'Pac sent into the ropes, duck, Bradshaw runs into a spinning heel kick - 'Pac covers, but Bradshaw kicks out with authority at 2. 'Pac holds Bradshaw and tags Hall - Hall with a forearm in the back, forearm, right, forearm, right, right, into the ropes, head down, Bradshaw with a forearm in the back, chop, right, chop, DDT, cover, 2. Tag to Austin - held open for the gutshot, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, right, double bird, chop. Into the ropes is reversed, Taker from behind - Austin turns back and pops HIM one to take him off the apron...Austin turns back to be scooped into a fallaway slam by Hall - OH MY GOD IT'LL BE THE BATTLE OF THE FALLAWAY SLAMS ON SUNDAY WHERE'S MY PIGGY BANK AND SLEDGEHAMMER - anyway, Austin ends up rolling outside, where Taker is ready - soupbone left, soupbone, left soupbone left soupbone left, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, meanwhile Hebner is fimrly occupied with Bradshaw. Taker runs Austin into the STEEL steps. Bradshaw is coming around the ring - X-Pac heads him off but Bradshaw throws a mean right at him - Hebner ends up between them to put Bradshaw back, as 'Pac feeds Austin to Hall. Hall right, right, right - into the opposite corner, follow clothesline, right, tag to X-Pac. "Austin" chant. Kick, kick, uppercut, right, right, starting the kick trifecta but Austin only wants to take one kick in the corner tonight - Austin turns it back - right, right, left right, left right, X-Pac to the eyes and dammit, he's GONNA get in that kick trifecta! Clothesline puts him down - 1, 2, Bradshaw breaks it up with a boot between the shoulderblades. Tag to Hall - Austin put into the ropes, ducks, double clothesline and both men are down. Both men roll at six - tag to 'Pac, tag to Bradshaw! Shoulderblock for 'Pac, shot for Hall, big boot for 'Pac, right for Hall, 'Pac into the ropes, shoulderblock, free shot for Taker, into the ropes with 'Pac, he ducks, but - yep - gets caught - big boot stops Hall, another big boot for Hall, THERE'S the contractually obligated fallaway slam - Taker in - block, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, but Taker gets the shoulder up. Taker scoops up Bradshaw - Snake Eyes in the corner - Taker off the ropes, Bradshaw ducks the big boot and comes off the corner with the Hades Lariat! Hall gets one as well! 'Pac has the sense to duck the oncoming clothesline but when he tries the spinning heel kick, Bradshaw catches him and slams him - 1, 2, Taker breaks it up. And here comes Austin on Taker - right, right, right, right, double bird, clothesline over the top - and he follows him out - into the barricade, to the commentary table - meanwhile, Bradshaw lands a clothesline from Hell on X-Pac - THAT'S HIS MOVE! AGAIN! 1, 2, 3, okay. (7:14 So, SoCal) Hall is quickly on Bradshaw with clubbing forearms in the back - AND THE DEADLY FALLAWAY SLAM!! But Austin's back on Hall - right, right, right, KICK WHAM NO Hall shoves him out of the ring - and Taker puts his head in the commentary table. Taker with the chair - WHACK! We can't see in the ring but we are told the NWO is working over Bradshaw - our last shot is Taker standing over Austin, chair in hand. Raw Zone credits, WWF logo, SEEEEE DAWWWG I mean YAAAA