I GET LETTERS:
Gav shares the knowledge: I thought you might be
interested to know that the word that William Regal used that you couldn't
make out was "Shite-Orc". Being English myself, I was completely shocked
by your inablilty to recognise this word, as I have never heard it before
in my life either and I live here!!! Although it is quite a good word to
call your mates. Incidentally, I was very disapointed last night as I
watched Raw because I was looking forward to seeing Hogan stall the bike,
but low and behold, he started the bike and ping! a wormhole in time
opened up and transported me about a minute into the future. Or (more
realisticly), the WWF edited it. Boo!
The Mavericks are down in five! I don't know how good the
series was for the heart, but at least tonight's game wasn't ever really
in doubt and it's nice that they could clinch it at home. Up next: the
Spurs! Ha ha, unlikely... however, I DO think it's time to take my
reports even uglier in support of Sacramento...
Believe it or not, Judgment Day is Sunday! Here's a graphic of
Hogan and Taker! Tonight, Flair and Austin will make noise and no matches
are announced but Ross is sure you'll be here!
How DID they manage to squeeze FOUR HOURS of piano playing
in a sixty minute show?
WWF 14.95 (+
.23, last year: 13.82, two years ago: 17 1/2)
TV-14-DLV - CC - Attitude - Entertainment - WW
This clip of last week's show is brought to you by Carmena Burina -
whoever SHE is
EH? Coming to you LIVE from the Centre Air Canada in Toronto, ON 13.5.2,
this is the WWe - transmitido en espanol on TSN and THE NEW TNN - 17,732
in the house and you and I on the TV screen - it's RRRRRRRRRRRRAW!
BROCK LESNAR (Minneapolis, Minnesota -
295 pounds - with Paul Heyman...and
clips of Lesnar destroying the Hardys) v. HARDY BOYS (Cameron, North
Carolina - 441 pounds)
The Hardys circle the ring until Brock turns his back to one - in this
case, Jeff - and the sneak attack is on - right, right, oops Lesnar just
barrelled him into the corner - three shoulders in the gut - into the
ropes, Hardy ducks, dropkick to the ...nuts? Guess Jeff was aiming for
the knee, as now he's kicking the back of it - off the ropes with a flying
jalapeno - off the ropes...into a Lesnar powerslam. "Cold beer" chant.
Scoop...Hardy back to his feet - another low dropkick. Tag to Matt - top
rope tomahawk chop! Right, right, knee by Lesnar. Hardy put in the
corner - Hardy ducks out - right - leg draped over the second rope, kick,
kick - so Lesnar kicks him away with his good leg. Matt runs back on him
- but Lesnar gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Make it two, and Matt
ain't getting up. Kick, kick. Hardy put into the corner and he hits
hard. Lesnar stalking. Forearm in the back. Rake of the face along the
top rope. Hardy manages a headbutt to the gut - another- right, kicks the
knee - good knee by Lesnar. Scooped up on the shoulder - Hardy slips the
Snake Eyes attempt and runs him into the corner sternum first. Tag to
Jeff! Duck, right, right, right, right, duck, sitout jawbreaker botched
once, botched twice, Jeff finally goes down and Lesnar approaches making
sense of selling it. Matt rejoins Jeff - Lesnar put into the corner -
Poetry in Motion - opposite corner whip - double flapjack out - both men
going to opposite corners - splash/legdrop combo - Jeff covers and hooks
the leg - 1, 2, Heyman pulls Robinson out - so he calls for the bell and
erases the zero in Lesnar's undefeated record! (DQ 3:28) Lesnar ain't
happy, working over Jeff a bit - but before he can put him on the top rope
to give him some more damage, Matt is back in with an uppernut - Twist of
Fate - sentonbomb. "What? Cut the freaking music! Stop the music!
Stop the music! No no no no - no no no! You're gonna get your hand
raised that way? As the agent for the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar, I
challenge you to a rematch - a handicap match - the two of you against the
Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar at Judgment Day." The Hardyz remove their
shirts! "Wait a minute - I got one better - I got one better - I'm gonna
negotiate against myself. Team Xtreme - oh, the great tag team - the
Hardy Boyz - you wanna be tag - shaddup - you wanna be tag team
specialists? I challenge you at Judgment Day to fight the Next Big Thing
Brock Lesnar...and his tag team partner...ME! ME! ME! You're on!
You're on!" Wow, Heyman's a real idiot - I bet he wears Cornette's body
suit from his Jose Lothario match.
In the NWO locker room, X-Pac wants to know what the deal is. "He's my
friend!" Flair says what's goin' on is the start of a new era. Ric Flair
is runnin' things from now on. Flair says there's no room for failure in
this unit (ha) - and given Hall's repeated dropping of the ball and
failure to take care of Austin, he had no choice but to fire him. As for
Nash - well, we all know he's really not suspended...he's recovering from
bicep surgery. In the meantime, the NWO needs a new member, and tonight
Flair's gonna announce it - it's a big secret to everyone but Flair -
"it's such a secret that even HE doesn't know he's gonna be the next
member of the NWO. A new era! We're gonna walk out that door, Big Show,
you and I, and we're gonna launch it - big time!" 'Pac watches them leave
with a shit eatin' grin on his face. Of course, none of this makes sense
unless you're factoring in all that behind-the-scenes stuff they SEEM to
be desperately trying to avoid....but, you're not supposed
Well, time to kiss another hedge goodbye
Surely enough, RIC
FLAIR is out with WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW right
him. Who had sixteen minutes in the "Jim Ross mistakenly says 'WWF'
pool?" Here's Flair. "Is there a problem? Are we all in agreement that
my name is Ric Flair? And that if you know anything about this business
and my name, you have to respect it. Sixteen times...SIXTEEN TIMES the
World Heavyweight Champion! That would make me about fifteen times better
than the Toronto Maple Leafs! And unlike...AND UN-LIKE..." Crowd won't
let him go on. Flair SHOULD go on anyway - but he's not. "And unlike the
Maple Leafs, I don't have to deal with any Tie Domi - I got me a REAL
enforcer! One more thing - I OWN one half of the WWE! It's called the RAW
brand and I'm the owner! If you haven't figured it out, that makes me a
very, very powerful man. ["Asshole!"] They're talkin' aboutcher mother,
sweetheart. Now - clearly there's a problem between mahself and Stone Cold
Steve Austin. I drafted Austin in all good faith, but what does he do?
He stuns me! The same night! I tried to be his friend - I tried to tell
him I LIKE him - I tried to give him carte blanche at RAW - and what does
he do? He screws with me. So, I think Stone Cold Steve Austin, just like
all of you, is trash. I think it goes like this, to hell with Stone Cold,
to hell with you, and to hell with the Maple Leafs. All in the same
order." Ahahahahahahaha "Now....now....now....now. For the first time -
for the first time since I've been back, now I can symphatize with what
Vince McMahon went through - because as an owner, trying to deal with that
son of a bitch Austin is a pain in the ass. So I handled it just the way
I could - and Austin, you're on the outside lookin' in - you just plain
are outta luck! Now at Judgment Day - at Judgment Day, Austin - you
should have gotten on your knees, kissed my ass and been my best friend,
because now you got a real-life giant, and the Nature Boy Ric Flair to
deal with! And I promise you, Austin, you will bleed, sweat and pay the
price...of a wrestling lifetime, all in one night. Now, last but not
least, some people say power has gone to my head - I'll show you power.
Right here tonight, on RAW, there's gonna be a WWE Undisputed World title
match. But not like WrestleMania - it's gonna be REAL legend against
legend - it's gonna be the champion, Hulk Hogan....right here In This Very
Ring against THE NATCHA BOY! WOOOO! Ric Flair." Play his music! That
was the whole segment!
Geez, it's like they weren't ready - big black screen before finally
Lita shills Stacker 2
Catch the WWe live tomorrow in Montreal, Saturday in Macon, Sunday in
Nashville for Judgment Day, Monday in Birmingham and Tuesday in Tupelo!
It's raining outside - but here's the arena anyway. During the break, we
are told that Flair forgot to mention the title match is "no DQ"
Moments Ago, Hulk Hogan drove up on his bike - oh no, I hope the
Undertaker doesn't steal it!
SHAWN STASIAK (Planet Stasiak - 261
pounds - with Earlier Today)
Earlier Today, Stasiak talked to himself - Eddie walked by, said "ese,"
"vato" and intimated that perhaps there was a lotta WEED on his planet.
"Are you insinuating that Planet Stasiak functions under an altered state
of reality?" "Well, ese, you DO look like you're ON something." These
jokes write themselves! Somehow they set up this match.
SHAWN STASIAK v. EDDIE GUERRERO
(intercontinental champion - El Paso,
Tejas - 228 pounds) in a nontitle match
Before the match begins, POINTS TO SELF gets an entrance for no reason,
steals timekeeper MARK YEATON's chair...and takes a seat at ringside.
Sadly, he's drinking water and not a Slurpee. A WWe LIVE onsale
announcement takes up the screen during this match. Quick match has
Guerrero win (frog splash -> pin
1:09), then van Dam comes in the ring,
beats him up and throws him through the ropes. Play his music! Wow, that
was pointless - oh, wait, Guerrero has the mic. "Orale, ese, holmes, get
your ass back here vato!" and so on. "Let me ask you a question, man -
who do you think you are, RVD?" Wait, I think he already answered his own
question-- OH MAN HE POINTED TO HIMSELF AGAIN THIS RULES
shows trepidation in knocking on the EXCITING door -
this is our Gratuitous Debra Segment of the Week, yeah
Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair!
Judgment Day spot - Triple H vs. Chris Jericho - wow, they really sped up
everybody's voices to fit in all those snippets, didn't they?
Rob van Dam shills Slurpees - although the cups still say "WWF," the
voiceover at least now says "WWE"
Hey it IS Austin when we come back! "What about Ric Flair? - What about
Ric Flair? - What about Ric Flair? - Did he say something important? - No
he didn't - he's out there runnin' his mouth - like a jackass - why -
because he is a jackass - Ric Flair says he's my friend - he tried to be
my friend - I'm supposed to like him - we're supposd to be buddies - he's
a jackass - did you understand me? - I said he's a jackass - you think I
trust Ric Flair? - No I don't - you think I care how many times he's been
champion? - No I don't - are you understandin' me becuase you're not
sayin' a damn thing." Coach tries to bring up his match at Judgment Day.
"What about Judgment Day - you got a problem with that? - you got a
problem with Stone Cold Steve Austin, goin' against the Big Show and Ric
Flair? - you got a problem with that? - Because I don't - I ain't got a
problem with it at all - you got a big tall sumbitch, and you got a .....
bleached blonde, blue haired son of a bitch that calls himself the
dirtiest player in the game? Big deal. Am I supposed to be impressed by
that - because I'm not. Ric Flair, just because he's an owner, he thinks
he's gonna throw his weight around here. - When he started messin' with
Stone Cold Steve Austin - he shoulda realised that he was messin' with a
rattlesnake, like I'm supposed to change? - And now he goes out there and
he makes himself a title match with Hulk Hogan? - What? - He makes a title
match with Hulk Hogan? - Does he deserve a title match? - Let me ask you,
does he deserve a title match? - You don't have to answer, no he does not.
- That's why I find it very interesting. - Do you think I'm gonna watch
that match? - You're damn right I am - and goin' into Judgment Day - Ric
Flair will find out - that you do not screw - with Stone Cold Steve Austin
- do you know why? - Because Stone - Cold - Steve - Austin - said so. -
And I'm gonna whip his ass - and I'm gonna whip The Big Show's ass. -
Play his music! Look at that crowd! 'cause THAT'S THE SEGMENT
Undisputed Championship - Legend vs. Legend"
A disclaimer when we return: "WARNING: The actions you are about to
witness are those of Tommy Dreamer and not World Wrestling Entertainment."
"A Day in the Life of Tommy Dreamer" "I'm just a normal guy - my hair's a
little messy." He brushes a dog's teeth, then brushes his own with the
same toothbrush. He sprays deodorant in his mouth. "You ever drink
toilet water?" He puts Edge on his tongue - then shaves it. "He fills a
cup from the incoming stream of a urinal. "What? It's better than
regular water, it's a lot colder."
joins our commentary team for reasons which are not readily
TERRI (with Let Us Take You Back to
Last Monday) v. MOLLY HOLLY (Mobile,
Holly does the horns bit then sticks her finger down her throat so as to
register her opinion. Regal busts out "shite-orc" again and knowing now
what he's saying I am baffled as to how that evades censorship...unless
they're probably as confused by what he's saying as I was. Perhaps you've
already noticed that I'm not really botering with play-by-play during
these more, shall we say, worthless matches. I'll take note of Terri's
top rope Frankensteiner but still, she loses to an inside cradle (2:28)
and now we finally find out why Regal is around. "Finally, it's nice to
see a lady that doesn't have to make a name for herself by hitching up her
skirt and showing her bosoms. Miss Holly, being an English gentlemen, it
would be my honour to escort you up the ramp away from these loud,
lascivious Canadians. Shall we?" Play HIS music - commentators
completely fail to make the connection between Regal's current feud and
the relation thereof to the woman on his arm. And really, who can blame
Ric Flair is WALKING! and TALKING!
Judgment Day spot - Angle/Edge hair match hype - strangely enough, there
haven't been any Hogan/Taker ads yet...say, is that preserving a sense of
mystery as to the outcome of.....
WWE UNDISPUTED CHAMPIONSHIP: RIC FLAIR
(challenger - Charlotte, North
Carolina - 234 pounds - with RAW Credits, Transmitido en espanol SAP,
TV-14-LSV (huh?), TV-14-DLV (huh?) and CC boxes) v. HOLLYWOOD HULK HOGAN
(champion - Hollywood, California - 280 pounds - on his Beautiful Titan
Bike) with no disqualifications
Flair demands the referee part the ropes for him - classic. Tonight,
Flair has opted for the now familiar blue robe, cobalt trunks and
kneepads, and baby blue boots. Hogan, by virtue of his brush with Taker's
ride, STILL carries remnants of the *magical* ability to make the STEEL
steps stand on end and float to the barrier so that he can ride around the
ring without problem (nice to see they kept some gas in the tank this
week, too). Hey, you realise it's been TEN years since they could have
had this match on WWF television? I guess they've been managing to blow
"can't miss" prospects longer than we'd like to think, eh? Come to think
of it...given that we're still in sweeps, wouldn't it have been a good
idea to give THIS match a little promotion ahead of tonight? Oh
well...let's enjoy it while we've got it. Hogan rips the shirt and
removes the boas with it - belt is off and they're eye to eye. Flair
moves off - struts slowly...tests the ropes, then tries to collide with
Hogan - but merely bounces off of him. Bell's rung. Flair back up -
collar and elbow, side headlock by Hogan, Flair powers out and Hogan again
runs him over. Flair instinctively heads to the corner before getting
up...and Robinson dutifully holds Hogan at bay. Back to a neutral corner,
Hogan stokes the crowd. We go again - to the corner - Hogan shoves Flair
off his feet - Flair does a flip before getting back up - thinks about
running at Hogan, but pauses...then goes outside, grabs a chair and comes
back in. Robinson isn't about to stand for that, and pulls away the
chair. Right around here was when the earthquake hit, by the way. Flair
with a shove - Robinson shoves back - the chase is on but Hogan stands
between them, wagging his finger. Flair pulls up. Crowd chants "Hogan"
again. Flair reaches for the knuckles - and Hogan grabs the knuckle lock
- Flair cries in pain, but still manages to get him to the corner - three
chops resonate through the arena...but Hogan says "no sale." Flair backs
off - Hogan keeps coming - to the opposite corner when hogan lands the
kick, right, right, chop, chop, chop, right, chop, climbs to the second
rope for a Ten Punch Count Along and hitting all ten. FLAIR FLOP! Hogan
cups his ear to the crowd's delight. Flair whipped to the opposite corner
- FLAIR FLIP but Flair mistimes it and doesn't make it over, falling back
inside the ring instead. Flair goes to the eyes when Hogan moves in,
Flair outside, climbing up...but takes too long. Hogan is over and beals
him back to the centre. Flair on his knees begging off - but Hogan isn't
ready to give up the advantage. Kick to the cut, right, Flair chops,
Hogan chokes him down...Flair to his knees and while Robinson leans in to
protest the choke, Flair gives him an uppernut. Even with no
disqualifications, Flair denies any wrongdoing. Flair takes over.
Right, right, left, chop, Hogan can't walk it off - to the adjacent corner
- Flair pops a right. Hogan to his knees - Flair in close quarters with
seven punches to the nose. Flair adds a stomp as Hogan goes to all fours.
Flair with a field goal kick. Flair with a stomp. "Let's go Hogan" chant
from the crowd. Flair puts Hogan between the ropes and out...and follows.
Both men on the floor as Flair tries to ram Hogan into the ringpost -
Hogan blocks! - again - again it's blocked! Hogan with an elbow in the
gut - Flair rammed into the barricade - Hogan with three chops - Flair's
head shot into the steps! Hogan puts Flair in to beat the count and
follows him in. Flair sent into the corner, back body drop as he comes
out. Flair begs off again - and sneaks in a thumb to the eye as Hogan
brings him back up. Flair takes aim at the left knee with a kick to the
back of the leg - knife-edge chop puts Hogan down. Flair hooks the leg
and gets the first near fall. Flair sets up for the kneedrop - but Hogan
puts up his hands and catches it! Hogan quickly back to his feet still
holding the knee - HOGAN WITH A FIGURE FOUR!! Flair violently shakes his
head and scoots back to the ropes - finally grabbing the second rope.
Hogan initially won't let go - and why WOULD he with no disqualifications?
- but eventually does. Flair tries to get to the apron but Hogan catches
him with a right hand - then sets him up - big suplex back into the ring!
Hogan hooks the leg - and he gets HIS first near fall. Hogan off the
ropes with the elbowdrop - but misses! Flair back up with a limp - chop!
But all that chop seemed to do was wake Hogan up. Hogan shot into the
ropes, big chop - no sale. Chop by Flair, right hand - but Hogan starts
working the jackhammer! Chop by Flair - HOGAN POINT AT YOU and Flair is
livid - Flair's right hand is blocked - right by Hogan, right, right, into
the ropes, big boot! Hogan sets up Flair in the centre - off the ropes,
and the leg drop HITS! Cover - 1, 2, X-PAC breaks up the pin!
a flurry of rights - no effect on Hogan, who winds up and takes him out of
the ring with a single right hand. Well it's all downhill from here as
WELL IT'S THE BIG
SHOW forearms Hogan in the back, right, headbutt,
BRADSHAW in to
throw rights - and take Show out of the ring with a
clothesline - then chases 'Pac over the barricade and out through the
crowd. Flair is stomping away on Hogan's left knee - but here comes
COLD STEVE AUSTIN - and that's what I like to call
KICK WHAM STUNNER.
Hogan is back up and feeling it from the crowd. Ross: "They want the
legdrop, Hogan! Give it to him, willya?!" And he does. "Hogan with the
legdrop - Austin with the Stunner - the referee with three!" And the
champ retains. (8:45)
Show is back up but Hogan's on his way back to his
bike - hey, he didn't stall it on his way back up! Well shoot, it's sure
hard not to love that match...but it *could* be everything that's
surrounded it thus far making it seem even better, hey?
Another "Get the F out" ad - recycling "Sexual Chocolate" why why why why
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - Austin grinned, Hogan dropped the
leg, Austin grinned some more.
To say Flair is irate is something of an understatement. He upends his
desk and throws lots of....bottles of water. He books Bradshaw in a
handicap match with Show and 'Pac. As for Austin, he gets a lumberjack
match - Flair picks the lumberjacks - and will introduce him to the newest
NWO member as his opponent. "You son of a bitch - we will have your ass
tonight." Flair starts chopping Show (huh?) so we move away from him
slowly (quickly) to
WWE WOMEN'S & HARDCORE
STRATUS (challenger - Toronto, Ontario - aka
"Toronto, Canada" -
thanks, Lilian - with RAW is brought to you by M&M's, Burger King, and
Slim Jim!) and BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (challenger - Dudleyville - 325 pounds -
with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. JAZZ (Women's champion) &
STEVEN RICHARDS (Hardcore champion) in a mixed
Wasn't it funny that they couldn't show Trish getting the tablebomb on
Heat, yet it's perfectly all right to show it here? Dudley starts by
pressing Trish onto both champs on the floor. Four on the floor - Pier
Four brawl, that is - Ross reminds us that this is not an intergender
match, and what a day and age we live in when that's the exception and not
the rule! Women in - Jazz into the corner, Trish with a clothesline -
climbs up for a Ten Punch Count Along and gets all of them. Another right
- Richards in - Stratus sidesteps the splash and Richards lands on Jazz.
Dudley in to land an avalanche the pile. Richards falls, Jazz headbutts
his groin. Trish and Bubba underneat opposite aprons for weaponry - Trish
fails twice to get a garbage can over the ropes, har har. WWE live events
("Tickets available now!") crawl on the screen. Trish with a garbage can
(at least Bubba can throw a can over some ropes) to Jazz' head. Richards
tries to get in a swing but Trish ducks off the whip and Dudley is ready -
left, left, left, flip flop fly bionic elbow. Trish with a STOP sign to
Richards' gut. Dudley grabs a hockey stick and winds up - taking a slap
shot to the air - and a WHACK to the sign. Crowd chants.....something
Canadian, I'm sure. Don't bother telling me. Richards manages to
recuperate, though, and gets a right hand in - right, left, into the
ropes, Dudley hooks the punch attempt and lands the Bubbabomb on the sign
- that may be it - 1, 2, JUSTIN
CREDIBLE breaks it up with a kendo stick!
Credible with a superkick on Richards - referee "Blind" Nick Patrick
counts 1 but CRASH
HASNOLASTNAME breaks THAT up, trashcan lid to
covers, but before referee "Blind" Charles Robinson can make a count of
his own, Credible blasts him with the fire extinguisher! Credible poses
to the crowd - but Dudley has a gee-tar filled with baby powder and you
may be able to guess what happens next. Richards lunges at Dudley, who
steps aside - and Richards ends up knocking Stratus off the apron!
Dudley must not have noticed again - right hand, into the ropes - Richards
hooks the ropes and tags Jazz. Jazz - very - slowly - gets in the ring -
still holding her noodle. She brings in Stratus, who is only now getting
back to the apron. Double chickenwing applied...but she lets go before
Trish gives up. All the hardcore action appears to have spilled where we
can't see it. Stratus into the ropes, ducks, ducks again, grabs Jazz and
runs into Stratusfaction - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new
Women's champion. (Call
4:11) Dudley is back in - gives her the belt and
raises her arm. I guess Trish has already forgiven Bubba for ramming
Richards into her. Jazz tries a post-match attack - Trish ducks and
clocks her with the belt. Trish shows all of her teeth, then goes outside
for a mic that doesn't work - "Bubba - get the tables!" So he does. HE
fails to get the garbage can in the ring (must be a magik forcefield!!)
but the table *is* slid in under the bottom rope. Stratus picks up Jazz
and feeds her to Bubba on the second rope - of course, there's no way to
show anything but Bubba's ass breaking that table but we'll pretend it was
the superbomb. Play his music because it's Trish posing with a belt!
lumberjack match - Stone Cold vs. the returning "????" - a
silhouette in a crudely drawn NWO shirt - ooo!
Tough Enough 2 ad - one would assume they finally make the cut they
promised two weeks ago, but you know something about assuming - that's
The WWE Rewind is brought to you by 1-800-CAL-LATT! From last week, Hogan
makes merry with semi on his motorcycle
Coach catches up with Taker, who is repeatedly pushing the back of his own
head against the wall he's leaning on. Coach asks twice for response -
Taker only gives him the mean look...and walks away.
Lawler shows off "Hulkamania" magazine while Ross starts running off the
12 Stones' "Broken" is the official theme song! The graphics don't lie -
Hollywood Hogan puts the title on the line against The Undertaker! In a
handicap match, Stone Cold Steve Austin takes on both Ric Flair and the
Big Show! It will be Hell in a Cell when Triple H meets Chris Jericho!
Someone will be shaved bald after Kurt Angle takes over Edge! Eddie
Guerrero puts the intercontinental title on the line one more time against
Rob van Dam! And as we learned earlier, the Hardy Boyz will take on Brock
Lesnar & Paul Heyman!
Lumberjack match - like we may have forgotten in the past few
To the locker room for Goldust! "Oooooooh, I am so excited that Ric Flair
has given us the opportunity to be amongst the other lumberjacks, and
might I add how *ravishing* you look. I think you and I should get in the
spirit of things and sing that song, that lumberjack song, how does it go?
Ummm - oh yeah. 'I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay / I sleep all night and I
work all day.' Kick it!" We pan over to Booker T, who is not only wearing
the traditional flannel shirt, but also a matching hat, leather overalls,
axe (haha "axe")...and red beard!
"MAN! I feel like a fool with this
outfit on! Where's your lumberjack outfit at?" "Well, that's it, I mean
we don't HAVE to wear--" "WHAT - I ain't GOTTA wear this outfit?!" "I
figured you'd look *ravishing*...and - you know - by the looks of things,
I was right." "You IDIOT - man I oughta..." and threatens swinging the
axe. "I tell you what - since you like the outfit so much...you wear it
out there." "But Book...Book...why do these things always END like this?"
More live action announced - Friday, Louisville; Saturday, Raleigh; Sunday
is Judgment Day in Nashville, and RAW is in Memphis!
After Tough Enough, head over to HBO when Vince McMahon may point to Bob
Costas on "On the Record" - which is just like "Off the Record," only not
Canadian (so it doesn't SUCK)
X-PAC & THE BIG SHOW (725 pounds - with
1-800-CAL-LATT presents Judgment
Day!) v. BRADSHAW (Sweetwater, Tejas - 292 pounds) in a handicap
No Big Show intro tacked onto Theme NWO this week - X-Pac still wears the
Kane mask to the ring. Sadly, 'Pac does NOT wrestle wearing the Kane
mask. Lockup, side headlock by 'Pac, powered out, shoulderblock by
Bradshaw. Hard into the corner - "tag his ass!" so Show tags in.
Bradshaw right, right, right, right, chop, chop, off the ropes with a
shoulderblock - Show doesn't budge. Bradshaw ducks the swing, 'Pac from
behind, Show knocks him down. Tag to 'Pac - slap by Show, chop by 'Pac,
right, right, right, right by Bradshaw turns it around. 'Pac into the
ropes, powerslam by Bradshaw - 1, 2, no. Right hand by Bradshaw, into the
corner, boot up by 'Pac, 'Pac runs into a back body drop. Elbowdrop by
Bradshaw - 1, 2, Show stomps to break it up. Bradshaw turns to Show -
right, right, 'Pac from behind, now to the unfriendly corner for the
doubelteam. Patrick's counting but nobody's paying attention - Bradshaw
manages to elbow Show and punch 'Pac, but Show pulls him to the apron,
then pulls him outside to ram him into the STEEL steps. Bradshaw
delivered to 'Pac - who tags Show in. Scoop....and well it's the big
slam. Well it's the big elbowdrop. Well it's the big right hand. Well
it's the big headbutt. Well it's the big elbow to the back of the neck.
Bradshaw tries to fire back - Show unloads with forearms to the back.
Tag to 'Pac - kick by Show, kick trifecta by 'Pac. Snapmares him over -
off the ropes with the lightning legdrop for 2 - Bradshaw powers out with
authority. 'Pac makes the tag. Bradshaw elbows Show, punches 'Pac,
elbows Show, punches 'Pac, elbows Show, but Show hooks him - 'Pac runs
into a boot - Bradshaw turns round - right, chop, right, big boot and Show
falls to the floor! Meanwhile, 'Pac is climbing up - but Bradshaw catches
the plancha so he can hit his COFS. Into the corner is reversed by 'Pac,
nobody home for the splash, Bradshaw is ready to wind up for the Hades
lariat but as he comes off the ropes, Show chairs him in the back. Ross
intimates Patrick is deaf - hey, that's MY gig! Show with
ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - then pulls him up for seconds. Say it with me
ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - 'Pac really wants that tag - and gets it.
Cover - 1, 2, 3. Heh heh. (4:34) Who is the big
surprise NWO member? Come back, won't you?
Here's that anxiously awaited Hogan/Taker Judgment Day spot
Lita shills Stacker 2 - again
Here's a look at The World at Times Square - watch Judgment Day there!
Tix available now!
Also available is the Judgment Day webcast at wwe.com!
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - or five paragraphs ago
Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY
UP NEXT: Holy
geez that was a short segment - oh wait it isn't over
Coach catches up to Hogan, who's dressed in his road gear. "You know
something, Coach, me and all my Hulkamaniacs will take care of the
Undertaker at Judgment Day. Tonight, Ric Flair proved that he was a play.
And all I've gotta say is thank God for the Rattlesnake, because he made
my day. But now thinking things out, Coach, I was gonna ride around
Toronto, take the leathers off, show off the 24" pythons and spook some of
the creeps outta the neighbourhoods around here...but now that I've
thought it over, I think I'm gonna return the favour - hang out for Stone
Cold Steve Austin the Rattlesnake, volunteer, ride my Harley down and be
one of the lumberjacks in his match, and watch his back just like he
watched my mine tonight, Coach. I think Stone Cold OHHHH--" that's Taker
with a crowbar. "You better get somebody to watch your own back! Don't
you know Dead Man Inc.'s in the house? Yeah!" Sorry, it was a TIRE IRON.
"I don't have my own bike anymore - but I'll be damn glad to take a ride
with you!" Taker hogties Hogan's ankle to his bike. Soupbone, soupbone.
"Let's go for a ride, Hogan!" Taker fires up the bike and starts dragging
Hogan by his ankle - is that a cut? It sure looked like Hogan both times.
The cameraman runs...a bit too far, 'cause we can see the photographer in
a doorway...slowly he backs off. Heh
Let Us Take You Back To What You Just Done Seen
Coming Back Live, Taker drags him back the way he came - then swings him
into the OH NO KLANGY POLES AND CARDBOARD BOXES OH NO!!! Taker steps off
to survey his damage. "Welcome to my world, Hogan - welcome to my world.
I'll see you Sunday." He walks off as Hogan feigns breathing difficulty.
NOW we take the final ad break
Let Us Take You Back To Moments Ago - no idea whether this is the replay
or the replay or the replay of the huh? Wheeeeeee you know as much as I
love Taker, I sure liked Hogan wrestling more than I like Hogan...doing
Coming back "live," EMT's and officials tend to Hogan. An oxygen tank is
produced. Looks like it's horsecollar time for Hogan.
Meanwhile, Flair's music is playing as we examine the ringside area for
lumberjacks. We've got T & Goldust, Eddie Guerrero, Flair and the NWO,
Credible, Crash, BOSSMAN ISHEBIG,
CAW CAW CAW, Regal and Lesnar.
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (Victoria,
Tejas - 252 pounds) v. ? in a
Remember on SmackDown! when Triple H had to beat up five guys? Well, same
thing with Austin and the B-level lumberjacks. Finally, the NWO and Flair
gang up to put Austin down - and in the ring. Flair grabs the mic. "And
now, and now Austin, you son of a bitch, you've got Booker T! Come on,
Booker! You're the newest member of the NWO!" Um, wow, what a letdown.
T looks at his hand and goes to work. Hey NOW can he bring in Stevie Ray?
Okay, okay. Kick by T, right, chop, right, kick, kick, kick, right,
pounding on the back, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp - words for Hebner
for daring to enforce the rules. Chop, chop, chop, into the ropes, Harlem
sidekick! Shot to the traps. T pulls him up - arm wringer, Austni ducks
the back kick - right, right, right, into the ropes, spinebuster, Austin
foolishly positions himself so Boss Man can pull him outside - and sure
enough, Boss Man pulls him outside - Austin blocks, right, right,
clothesline over the barricade - Raven clotheslined over the barricade -
Lesnar puts Austindown with a right hand - then rams his back into the
ringpost. Lesnar rams Austin's back into the apron as well. Lesnar with
one more time into the ring apron - and once more. Austin put back in for
T - Austin rolls too close to the floor and gets popped by Guerrero and
Goldust as well. T lands the back kick this time. Leg is hooked - 1, 2,
Austin kicks out. T with a right - into the ropes, Austin ducks, Austin
right, right, right, right, double bird, KICK is caught and T spins Austin
round - Austin ducks the right, right of his own, right, into the ropes, T
ducks the backhand, but falls into ANOTHER spinebuster. Austin with the
mount and eight quick rights. Austin off the ropes, but Show lowers the
bridge and (with some effort) Austin falls to the floor. Flair, Show and
'Pac go to work on him - Flair with lefts and rights - Austin fires back
with rights on Flair but Show grabs him from behind to stop that. Austni
put back in the ring. Gutshot by T - consults his hand - off the ropes
with the axe kick! T drops to a knee and feels it - dropping down and
breakdancing back up! But he took too long - Austin with a clothesline, a
right, T ducks the next one and connects with a thrust kick - 1, 2, no!
1, 2, no! 1, 2, it's a pattern! T tosses Austin to the NWO where Flair
chops away, then works the body. X-Pac adds a few - then Show picks him
up and lets him drop on the barricade. Austin rolled back in one more
time. Hebner and Flair have a discussion - this gives Austin just enough
time to uppernut T. Regal on the apron, right hand puts him down.
Goldust, repeat, Boss Man, repeat, Credible, repeat, Crash, repeat, right
for T, Guerrero gets a right, 'Pac manages to duck and hold Austin just
long enough to make sure that T collides with HIM and not with Austin -
Regal in - KICK WHAM STUNNER - T misses a clothesline, but they're out of
position and T has to miss ANOTHER clothesline so Austin can grab the
rollup and pull the tights for the 1, 2, 3. Man, I hope they don't fire
Booker T! (5:27)
Austin decks Raven on his way out. Actually, it'd be
great if they tell T he's NOT in the NWO now, then he turns face
and....well I'm not much of a fantasy booker actually. WHOA
pops Austin from behind on the ramp! Austin rolls down to the floor -
another sledge to the back by Anderson - and a kick to the gut. Lesnar
throws Austin in to the NWO - ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM! Flair gets Hebner
out of there so Show can drop an elbow on Austin. Thank you sir, may I
have another? Show makes it three elbowdrops. X-Pac and Booker T have
gone outside the ring to leave Flair and Show the focus with Austin.
Flair does some raving. Show with a knee, knee, knee, knee.
ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM once again. Austin has opted for the "internal
injuries" red capsule in his mouth. Flair mounts Austin and punches away.
Play his music! Flair ads a stomp. Flair and Show raise arms as the
credits come up - and we go out. The "WW" logo now has the word
"Entertainment" underneath it so as to be less confusing. I *still* say
it's castration, but hey...maybe Vince doesn't *mind* a little castration
now and then.
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