Hey, they changed the ticker - WWE 14 (+ .45, last year:
14.01, two years ago: 20 1/4)
TONIGHT: The Undisputed title will be decided in a ladder match! The title already hangs high above the ring - who will climb the ladder and take the title, The Undertaker or Jeff Hardy? Come back in fifteen and find out!
T(O)N(I)G(HT): Whoa, "Encounter at Farpoint I?" Heeeeeeey I think I can probably stop doing these! (RIP Trek Gimmick - 8 Oct 2001 - 2 Jul 2002)
TV-14-DLV - CC - Attitude - Entertainment - WW!
"Highlights" of last week. "Ruthless Aggression" count: 5
Opening Credits - yeah you refuse to see the change in me WHY WON'T YOU WAKE UP
CREEPYRO - coming to you LIVE from the Verizon Wireless Arena in Manchester, NH 1.7.2 and transmitido en espanol SAP ("Escuches? BIEN") and Ross just can't WAIT to say "ruthless aggression" because he knows how much I HATE IT
TONIGHT: An Undisputed Ladder match!
The title already hangs high above the ring, but first...
KING BROCK LESNAR & IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL hit the ring as we take a look at our hosts, LARRY & JERRY. Tonight, the NWO takes on Goldust & Booker T, Chris Benoit returns to action on the wrong show, and Heyman talks! "Now I told you people a few weeks ago...that this would be the summer of the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar! Yet everywhere we go, Brock, all people say is that this will be the summer of Points to Self. Rob van Dam doesn't have the ruthless aggression (7) to make this his summer! But Brock Lesnar will take control of this summer all the way through SummerSlam when Brock Lesnar becomes the Undisputed WWE Champion. Besides having ruthless aggression (8), Brock Lesnar also has intelligence. And Brock Lesnar has the intelligence to be inspired by other men - other men like Kurt Angle - another former NCAA Champion, who on SmackDown! issued a challenge for any rookie to come down the aisle and have his first match against Kurt Angle. But Brock Lesnar can not only beat any man, Brock Lesnar can outdo any man. So Brock Lesnar has a challenge of a different sort - a better challenge than Kurt Angle (who Brock Lesnar can beat) - Brock Lesnar's challenge is to any veteran in the back that has the guts to walk down the aisle, step into this ring tonight, and be able to tell his grandchildren that that veteran was sent into early retirement by the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar. WHO GOT THE GUTS?" Man, Lesnar can't seem to stop doing his own personal happy dance, can he? "Are you telling me that not one veteran has the ruthless aggression (9) - Brock issued this challenge at one o'clock in the afternoon - signs were posted on the wall - he--" The interruption is by...wait for it...
RIC FLAIR v. BROCK LESNAR - Woooo! In case you're wondering where Rob van Dam is, Ross tells us that he had a promotional appearance in New York and isn't here yet. Flair IS here, but I don't see a referee. Looks like Heyman is holding back his man. Flair takes the mic. "First of all, don't think for one second of your life that I have forgotten about the interference between the match between me and McMahon that cost me RAW - cost me ownership - I haven't forgotten. You standin' out here, callin' for a veteran to retire - I'm a veteran, but bigger and badder than that, I'm a legend. And tonight, big boy, you gonna find out why woooo! I'm the dirtiest player in the game." Lesnar stands eye to eye...and pulls on the mic, still in Flair's hand. "You're in the wrong place...the wrong year...with the wrong guy." He fails to add "I will break you," so that's a bit of a personal disappointment. EARL HEBNER hits the ring and we're on! Lesnar's STILL doing his own personal happy dance! Flair tests the ropes. They stand toe to toe - lots of words, not much movement - NOW they lock up - side headlock by Flair - Lesnar lifts him up, shoves him into the ropes, and connects with a shoulderblock, sending him to the mat. Flair up - lockup - Lesnar shoves him away to boos. Lesnar grabs a knucklelock, and Flair screams. Flair shoves him to the corner - chop! Flair goes into a strut. Lesnar is a little less than pleased, feeling his chest where Flair had chopped him. Woooo! Lockup, Lesnar barrels him to the corner - Hebner wants a clean break - Lesnar swings and Flair ducks - chop! Chop! Chop! Into the opposite corner, and another chop as Lesnar comes out. Into the ropes is reversed - Lesnar with a HUGE powerslam and Flair suddenly ain't so mobile. Lesnar tries the elbowdrop but Flair rolls out of the ring. The chase is on - Flair back in - Lesnar on the apron - Flair with a hot shot - ohhhh no sale - you can't hurt a man with NO NECK with THAT! Lesnar parts the ropes and slowly advances. So Flair goes to the eye! Snapmares him over - Flair off the ropes - classic kneedrop from the veteran - 1, 2, kickout and Flair is pressed OVER Hebner. Lesnar with a clothesline to take over. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. "C'mon, Nature!" Into the corner - Lesnar follows with a clothesline. FLAIR FLOP! Lesnar brings him up - into the corner, scooped up out - raised high and dropped into the backbreaker - HELD on for a double. Flair rolls outside and his back hurts. Lesnar outside with a kick to the ribs, right, Hebner arguing with Lesnar oblivious - Flair chop, Lesnar right, Flair chop, Flair whips Lesnar into the post - Lesnar rolls back in and Flair folows - Lesnar goes downstairs with a right to the abdomen. Flair sent into the corner - nobody home on the charge and Lesnar shoudlers the post! Flair with another chop! Chop! Subway Replay of the shoulder as Flair chops again! Flair tries a shoulderblock but runs into the wall - tries again but ends up caught in the big, big bearhug. Crowd tries to bring Flair out of it - Flair clasps his hands and tries the back elbow to the head - again - a third - and now the bell clap - another - one more bell clap breaks it - big chop! Right hand, chop, into the ropes, Lesnar reverses - Flair ducks the swing - big'n'tall spinebuster puts Flair down. Flair to his knees, begging off - Lesnar moves in - two hands on the neck - Hebner leans in to break the choke and Flair lands an uppernut! Heyman is livid, but only manages to draw Hebner over for an argument, causing him to ALSO miss Flair's trick knee acting up! Flair with a death suplex!! 1, 2, but AGAIN Lesnar kicks out with authority and Flair gets air on the wrong side of the press. Flair tries the chop block. Woooo! Got the leg - "Nowwww!" FIGURE FOUR!! Heyman is up on the apron again and screaming with wild gesticulation - but Lesnar has little problem grabbing the bottom rope. Flair finds Heyman, giving him a free shot - ohhh that was just enough time for Lesnar to scoop him up and give him the Move With A Stupid Name - 1, 2, 3. (7:00) Lesnar is still feeling the low blows but he'll let Heyman raise his arm. Give the F5 a replay. Heyman and Lesnar gives Flair a "woooo!"
And now, the WWE Rewind, presented by 1-800-CAL-LATT! From last week, Trish gives Molly the Stratusfaction to take the duke in their tag match
JONATHAN COACHMAN catches up with Jackie Gayda as she gets made up - then hits on her. HE'S GOT JUNGLE FEVER "Well, I was a little disappointed that Torrie walked away with the Golden Thong award, but in reality, I didn't lose the competition - I just didn't win." "Well, in reality, this hasn't been one of your best weeks - I mean, with you and your partner's loss to Trish Stratus and Linda Miles a week ago on RAW." "Well, in reality, I was not the one to lose that match, it was my tag team partner, Molly Holly, not me." Here's Molly. "In reality, if you spent less time parading around in your... undergarments, and more time paying attention to a role model - like me, you would be a better competitor." "Well, in reality, unlike you, at least I look good in my underwear." So Molly slaps her one, throws her into the makeup case...WOW Jackie is a terrible, terrible actress...
...and now they're out alongside the stage - Molly with the axehandle and forearms in the back. Molly removes a metal piece from the barricade and swings - Jackie ducks - gutshot - and hard into the ramp! Jackie grabs the pipe - and misses again - so klangy - Molly grabs the pipe and applies the choke, walking her down to the ringside area as we take a Subway replay of the whip into the stage. Molly with elbows to the back of the head - snap suplex on the floor. Into the ring - Molly rakes the face, backbreaker, now going up top - missile dropkick! And one more slap. Molly leaves the ring and now TRISH STRATUS, THE FITNESS MODEL is out - spinning her around, elbow, into the apron, in the ring - Molly swings and misses, Trish depants her and reveals what Lawler calls "granny panties." Play Trish's music! Here's a replay - well, shoot, I'm confused - those look like ol' wrestling attire to me and her ass ain't even all that big!
TERRI stands backstage with Christopher Nowinski - tonight, he'll be taking on Bradshaw in a "straight up wrestling match." Nobody mentions that Nowinski pinned Bradshaw LAST week and thus should be the hardcore champion anyway, of course. Terri asks why he doesn't go for the hardcore championship tonight? "I think it's pretty obvious, but I'll explain it so you and everyone else can understand. Why would I EVER want the hardcore title? So I can be constantly looking over my shoulder twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, worrying about trashcans and street signs and 2x4's? No, thank you. I prefer to compete in a more civilised manner. I prefer to compete in the way we were taught to at Harvard - like a gentlemen. I prefer an environment where the most dangeous weapon is not a table or a chair, but...intelligence."
It's the WWE live! Catch the SmackDown! crew tomorrow in Boston, Saturday in Mobile, Sunday in Savannah, Monday in Salisbury and Tuesday in Atlantic City!
CHRISTOPHER NOWINSKI (Harvard - 260
pounds - with Let Us Take You back to
Last Week) v. BRADSHAW (hardcore champion - Sweetwater, Tejas - 292
pounds) in a nontitle matchup
Regal's pleased with what he's seen. "Wonderful. Bloody marvelous." Rob van Dam enters, shouting for "Brock Lesnar! Hey - tell me where I can find Brock and Paul Heyman. I know this is their dressing room." "Yes it is, dear boy, but I'm afraid you won't find them here. Mr. Heyman is with Mr. Lesnar, who is cooling down after his victory over Ric Flair earlier this evening." "So he's already competed." "I'm afraid so, but if you got here on time you might know these things." "Oh ho, dude, don't even mess with me today." "No! Don't you mess with me, sunshine. I'm not the one barging into other people's locker rooms, in a tizzy, looking for a fight! THAT was rude! You apologise." "Hmmm...you know, you're right. I *did* barge in here looking for a fight. Since I obviously can't get a hold of Brock Lesnar tonight, I'm gonna have to find someone else to fight. Hmm...someone like...maybe...you?" "Ah, a challenge. How wonderful. Consider it accepted. I'll go and get changed straight away. I look forward to it. One champion against another." "Cool. Oh, and Regal - I won't be apologising for barging in here - just like I won't be apologising after you're beat 1, 2, 3...courtesy of P - T - S." Regal makes a face!
"WrestleMania X8" for the Nintendo GameCube ad
Hey it's the WWE Slam of the Week, brought to you by "Eight Legged Freaks" - from RAW last Monday, Jeff Hardy lays out the challenge - and Undertaker accepts! OOOH what a SLAM - in fact, Slam of the Week! (Huh?)
Terri stands backstage with Jeff Hardy. He's the heavy underdog... "Whoa, whoa, underdog? That's a little steep. This isn't a normal match, Terri - this isn't a regular match. Tonight, I don't have to pin Taker - tonight I don't have to make the Undertaker submit. This is a ladder match - A LADDER MATCH! It's about climbing! Taker can't climb!" and he runs off and scales the nearby set - then leaps off. "I'll take down the set, I'll take down the Undertaker. All I have to do - all that stands between me and the WWE Undisputed match is this ladder, and I've been in TONS of ladder matches, Taker's been in none. So therefore, I am the next WWE Champion. There's a saying here in New Hampshire - Live Free or Die - I'm livin' for the moment - I'm not dyin' tonight!"
Meanwhile, Booker T warms up. "Man, tell me you not dressed like that. Man put that thing away before you put somebody eye out with it. Who you supposed to be tonight?" Pan right to see Goldust - dressed as Darth Vader - and breathing Vader style - with Goldust inhale. "Booker - the force is strong with you - but you are not a Jedi yet." "Look man, I don't know what the hell you talkin' about, but I ain't no Star Wars geek. I ain't never watched the movie, and I never will." "Booker, it's not about that. It's about last week, and our splendid plan. It's about me concocting yet another marvelous plan tonight. If you will only go over there, relax, get your mack on and get ready, I will be back." "Let me see that." T plays with the light saber. "Zzzzt - zzt zzt - I'm about to get medieval, man - Obi Book Kenobi, it don't matter whether you a Stormtrooper or the NWO, your ass is about to get waxed by the five-time Master Jedi champion - now can u dig that...suckaaaaaaaaaaa?" He telescopes the saber and hands it back to Goldust. "Take care of yo' business, man." Goldust looks at his hand.
Meanwhile (3), Eddie Guerrero jumps up and down in his handshake with Vince McMahon. "Just before your match, now calm down already. I wanna emphatically state that look, I've gotta keep these matches separate, and you know that. I've made an exception for you. I want SmackDown! over here I want RAW over here, I like competition - and I know you do as well. As a matter of fact, you know what ruthless aggression (10) is all about, Eddie Guerrero, so ah, tell me, in Spanish, do the translation for me, ruthless aggression (11), what is that?" "Padrone - boss, you asking me what the translation is? It's Eddie Guerrero, that's what that is." "Of course it is, and it's Chris Benoit - yeah. That's who it is. You have been out of the ring for over a year, Chris Benoit, I'm glad I'm not gonna be one of your opponents tonight, but now that you're the property of RAW, I gotta make it up to the SmackDown! guys somehow. But I wanna know...you realise you owe me, right?" "And I will - WE will - pay you back tonight tenfold, out there in the ring." "Well, let me see. Let me see some ruthless aggression (12) out there!"
Neurotica ad - no mention of the WWE connection - we call this "creative bookkeeping"
ROB VAN DAM (intercontinental champion
- Battle Creek, Michigan - 235
pounds - with Boston hype - and RAW is brought to you by M&M's, Honda, and
Slim Jim!) v. WILLIAM REGAL (European champion - Blackpool, England - 240
pounds) in a nontitle match
UP NEXT: BENOIT IS BACK
Check out the Verizon Wireless Arena - Can you hear me now? GOOOOD
TONIGHT: Goldust & Booker T vs. Big Show & X-Pac! But first...
BUBBA RAY & SPIKE DUDLEY (Dudleyville -
475 pounds - with Let Us Take You
Back to Last Week) v. EDDIE GUERRERO (El Paso, Texas - 228 pounds - with
RAW in Philadelphia hype) and CHRIS BENOIT (Edmonton, Alberta - 229 pounds
- with RAW credits & transmitido en espanol SAP & TV-14-DLV & CC
HE'S COMING - I missed this in last week's RAW report, so maybe I better say it twice here to make up for it - HE'S COMING - okay
Darth Vader is WALKING! He catches up with Big Show. "Oh, there's the freak. Let me ask you a question, freak. What was that crap last week about me bein' a Showpopotamus? About me smelling like a kangaroo crotch sack? What you tryin' to get at, you say I smell?" "Big Show, the NWO never told you, did they, what happened to your father?" "My father?" "That's right." "Man, don't you know my father's dead?" "Here, hold this." He hands the Darth Vader helmet to Show. "Big Show - *I* am your father." "What?" And he brains him with his (plastic) light saber. Goldust turns back to find himself bumping chests with Kevin Nash. "Yeah, I'm your DADDY" and he clocks him. Show rams him into - OH NO NOT INTO THE KLANGY POLES Nash grabs one and jabs him - well, comes close to jabbing him several times anyway. Nash turns to Show. "That's one down - you got one left. Same as last week, go out there and get the job done, or we're comin' out and kickin' your ass. Got it?" "X-Pac!!!"
Commentators ponder the ramifications. "Ruthless aggression" count: 1
TONIGHT: Undertaker - Jeff Hardy - ladder - title
We take another look at the title belt hanging high above the ring. Hey, how come nobody has looked up at it tonight when they've been in the ring? I mean, shouldn't we at least have gotten Paul & Brock glancing and pointing to the title *once* or something? I mean, if the title's as big as they want us to BELIEVE it is....eh, must be a lack of thoughtful writing
Here's a Special Video Look at Jeff Hardy - including lots of clips involving ladders
Backstage, Terri asks Undertaker for his thoughts. "Well, I tell you what, I'll get to Jeff Hardy in just a minute. You see, right now I wanna talk about Kurt Angle. See, Kurt Angle thinks he's somebody because he made Hulk Hogan tap. Well I ain't Hulk Hogan and I don't tap. So, Kurt, if that's what your plan is for Thursday night, you better come up with a Plan B because that one ain't gonna work, boy - and when I finish off Kurt Angle...well then I'm gonna move on to the Rock. You see, I'm gonna make The Rock regret the day he EVER stuck his nose in my match at King of the Ring." "But aren't you even concerned tonight with Jeff Hardy? You've never even been in a ladder match before." "What's your point?" "Well, I'm just saying that--" "Nonono - I think this interview's over." Ross says "Undertaker's not that confident!" Funny - I was thinking the exact opposite.
"WrestleMania X8" ad
Coming back, Show finds X-Pac on top of a broken table and underneath a chair - well NOW he's pissed! In fact, he's SO pissed that he runs off bleeped, instead of bothering to ask the cameraman if he'd seen who did this!
BOOKER T. (Houston, Texas - 256 pounds
- with Subway presents Vengeance!)
v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (Tampa, Florida - 500
Kevin Nash & Shawn Michaels are WALKING! "Because he did NOT live up to his end of the bargain does not mean WE won't!" "I am KNOCKIN' him out!" Looks like they'll be punishing Big Show when we'll be right back
Coming back live, BIG & TALL and MR. WHYSPYR have hit the ring, where Show is back to his feet. Show and Nash stand nose to nose...Nash with a right hand to the jaw - Show is unhappy about this, and pops HIM one. Before it escalates, Michaels stands between them. "Whoa whoa whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - Kevin, Kev, take it easy. Big Show, back off. Come on - enough of this tough love crap! It is not each other we wanna destroy, it's Booker T, and believe me, he knows it! That's why he ran outta here, hellbent. That's why he's headed south right now, back to Boston. Booker T, we know it was you that took out X-Pac, and come next week, the NWO is gonna take YOU out. Now, I need you two animals...calm down. I gotta big, BIG announcement to make. The NWO is a family. Now, believe me, I'll admit it, we are somewhat of a dysfunctional family, but we are a family, nonetheless. Like all families, we're not the same when one of our family members is missing, and right now, one of our family members is injured. Now I know what you're thinking, but I can assure you, it's not X-Pac. No, this family member is sitting comfortably at home - recuperating. In fact, I can assure you, he's sittin' there watching us right this minute. Now, those of you that saw King of the Ring, you know who I'm talkin' about...you saw it, you felt it, you felt that electricity - you felt that undeniable chemistry - when we all came together. That's why...in the very, VERY near future - right here In This Very Ring, you will see standing alongside X-Pac, Big Show, Kevin Nash, and yours truly, HBK Shawn Michaels, none other than the newest member of the New World Order....we're good, but we're gonna be better - HE's good, but he's gonna be better - because it will be, no one other...than Triple H! Now....now, you two...let's finish this. Kiss and make up." Nash rubs his hands on his jeans and offers it - Show shakes it - then leans in so Michaels can superkick him. Wow, that was bad. Michaels and Nash share a secret handshake. We take a replay - commentators try to get across that Nash pulled Show into the superkick. Good luck. Out on the ramp, Nash and Michaels call to Show to walk back with them. "C'mon - tough love, baby - tough love!" Michaels sneaks a few peaks at the camera to make sure we all heard him.
WWE live events! The RAW crew picks up again Saturday in Frederick; Sunday, it's Wildwood; Monday is RAW in Philly; next Friday, Lakeland; Saturday, Daytona Beach; and Sunday, Bethlehem! Man talk about hitting the lower-tier cities in tough times...
In the Room of Fun, As Taker shadow boxes, McMahon says "That's it, yeah. I wanna let you know something before you get out there, I wanna let you know just how damn proud I am of you. You've been steppin' up, okay? For over ten years - for over ten years, you've shown me what ruthless aggression (19) is all about, so tonight will not be an exception. And by the way, just to show you where my heart is, I've given you what you want at Vengeance. That's right - at Vengeance, you've got the Rock. So don't worry about a thing tonight - whether you're the champion or not, you've got what you want at Vengeance, you've got the Rock." Taker halts in his tracks. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" "It's not supposed to mean anything." "No, whether I'm champion or not, what's that supposed to mean?" "Well, I just meant...look, I got every confidence you'll be successfull - all this week." "You're damn right you do. Let me tell you what. You got any self-doubt about me, and beatin' that little punk Jeff Hardy tonight... Not only am I gon' beat him - when I leave that ring tonight, he won't be able to stand up!"
"Theme from Cage Lowering" plays as...wait
In the locker room, Matt Hardy wishes his brother luck: "Hey, Jeff. Hey uh, look dude, I wanted to come in here, wish you good luck, tonight's the biggest night of your career, and I actually have someone outside who'd like to wish you good luck as well." Wow, Jeff's sure spitting a lot. Behind the door is Lita! "Hey you know I couldn't miss this big night for you - plus I get to ride back with the new WWE Champion." "Jeff, you go out there and do what you do best. We know that you can do it, man." "I guess there's only one way to find out. See ya afterwards." Jeff screams and beats up the door on his way out.
THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER (champion - Houston, Texas - 328 pounds - on his beautiful Bourget Python bike) v. AD BREAK
One more "WrestleMania X8" ad
WWE UNDISPUTED CHAMPIONSHIP: THE
AWESOME UNDERTAKER v. JEFF HARDY
(challenger - Cameron, North Carolina - 218