QUICK QUOTE:
Markets weren't open for Labor Day - WWE 9.70 (- .21, last
year: 11.30, two years ago: 21 3/4)
TONIGHT: The
intercontinental title is on the line when Chris Jericho
meets Rob van Dam! Also, his first interview since SummerSlam - we'll
hear from Shawn Michaels! Come back in ten!
TV-14-DLV - CC - Attitude - Entertainment - Bischoff
Opening Credits - we can't go on like this - you can no longer refuse
to see the change in me - WHY WON'T YOU WAKE UP
MUSCULAR DYSTROPHYRO - coming to you all the way LIVE from the Bradley
Center in Milwaukee, WI Labor Day 2002 and airing on the New TNN & TSN!
TONIGHT:
Intercontinental champion Rob van Dam meets Chris Jericho!
TONIGHT: Shawn
Michaels' first interview since SummerSlam!
THE WIFESWAPPER
kicks if off, as he so often seems to these days. Maybe
*that's* why this show always seems worse than the other one...naaah.
"You know...Brock Lesnar likes to refer to himself as the Undisputed
Heavyweight Champion of the World, but ever since my competitor persuaded
him to become exclusive SmackDown! property, I would say that that title
is very, very disputed. And you know what - you fans in this arena who I
love SO much...and fans from around the world deserve BETTER than that,
dammit! You people deserve your OWN world champion! Exclusive to RAW,
the #1 brand in the history, mind you, of sports entertainment...now
Stephanie McMahon, she can refer to The Undertaker as the #1 Contender if
she chooses, and that's fine, that's her prerogative, and she can have her
match with The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar at Unforgiven - that's fine,
because the world knows who the REAL #1 Contender is, don't you. That's
right - he's the man that proved and convinced The Undertaker, right here
on RAW, that it's much better to jump to SmackDown! and be a big fish in a
little pond than it is to swim with the sharks on RAW. Ladies and
gentlemen, may I introduce to you the REAL #1
Contender...TRIPLLLLLLLLLE
H!" We are sadly denied the introduction of H's
new "no foreplay" T shirt
as H comes out in black polo shirt, slacks, nice shoes and belt. "You
know, Eric, there's one thing you forgot to mention and that's the fact as
to *why* Brock Lesnar left RAW to go to SmackDown! Let's face it - the
reason Brock Lesnar LEFT...is me. Brock Lesnar knows that he doesn't
belong in the same ring with me. Brock Lesnar knows that he can't hang
with me in this ring. As a matter of fact, Brock Lesnar doesn't belong
speaking my name. And the fact is, that the second I beat The Undertaker
to become the #1 Contender, Brock Lesnar knew that his days as champion
were numbered - so he took his belt, and he ran with his tail between his
legs. You see, Eric, as it turns out, the Next Big Thing has no (balls)."
"You know what, Triple H, you and I definitely are on the same page, man I
agree with you a hundred percent. And, that's what I've always said about
you, you know what I mean - you say what's on your mind - I mean, that's
what I said when I first got here, if I would have been able to sign you
to Nitro way back when, hell, I would - I KNOW we would have won the
Monday night wars. No doubt in my mind. I mean, you kick ass - man, you-
you- you- you just take control of the situation, you've been kickin' ass
here in WWE longer than...than almost anybody! Your accolades here in the
WWE are, are unbelievable, but you know what? They're about to become
even bigger." Bischoff goes for his briefcase, and opens it to
reveal...the Big Gold Belt. "Triple H - you may recognise this world
championship, because you were the last man to officially wear it. It's
been worn by some of the greatest champions in the history of this
industry - and now, Triple H, it will be again - because ladies and
gentlemen, your NEW WORLD CHAMPION...TRIPLLLLLLLLLLLLLE H!" H takes the
belt and scales a corner - or two. Eep. "You know, Eric...a lotta guys
have come out here and they'd say 'you know, God, what an honour but I
really don't deserve this...' But then again, I'm not a lotta guys, am I.
'cause the fact is, YOU know it, I know it, and every single one of these
people know it...that NOBODY deserves to be the World Champion more than
me. NOBODY should be THE World's Heavyweight Champion more than The Game.
And you know, Eric...I gotta hand it to you - you are a much better judge
of talent than my ex-wife it. So let me tell you this, as your NEW World
- no, hold on--" But instead, at this point RIC FLAIR makes an entrance.
"Hey - like everyone else, if Lesnar refused to wrestle on RAW, the title
he's wearing is most definitely disputed. And I think that the biggest
wrestling company in the world, I'm talkin' about RAW, your company,
deserves to have its own world champion. And you know what, Eric - I'm
even inclined to go with - so far as to say as you may BE the man - after
all, you wore this, you're the first, you wore it, you defended it, and
everybody says now Triple H is the man - I got no problem with that. The
problem I have is that you wore it once, I wore it sixteen times. And
nobody gift-wrapped it, brought it out here in a gold Haliburton, and gave
it to me - I won it right here by bustin' my ass, right in the middle of
this ring. Bled, woooo!, sweat, and paid the price of a wrestling
lifetime - so what I'm sayin' to you, and to you is, I think you need...
not to just put that over your shoulder tonight - you need to earn the
right the right to wear it out that door." "Hey you know what? He may
be on to something, for the first time in a long time you and I definitely
agree. But this isn't like SmackDown!, we don't need some bogus series to
determine who gets a shot, we're gonna make that match right here tonight.
First time in history, mind you, here on RAW - Triple H, the World
Champion faces the Nature Boy Ric Flair. What are you thinkin'?" "I
think...that it would be an honour and a privlege." "And I think I'm
probably the luckiest man to be in this squared circle to know that I'm
gonna wrestle you as the first contender - I'm equally honoured." Flair
offers the hand - H starts to stick out HIS hand but shakes Bischoff's
hand instead. "Triple H - do that world championship proud - and Nature
Boy Ric Flair, seventeen could be right around the corner for you, my
friend. Good luck--" But as Flair shakes Bischoff's hand, Triple H decks
Flair with a right, dropping him in the middle of the ring. Play his
music! I tend to think they script segments like that just to rile up the
tOA Crew.
TONIGHT:
Intergender tag team table match! Bubba Ray Dudley and Trish
Stratus take on Christopher Nowinski and Molly Holly!
In the local slot, Stephanie must have bought some time (wink wink)...
catch the WWE Tour of Defiance as they make their way to the San Jose
Arena! It's the final SmackDown! crew stop before Unforgiven - Saturday,
21 September!
As for the RAW crew, the live event ad brings us back to the show with
this list...Friday, Sioux Falls! Saturday, Rapid City! Sunday, Cedar
Rapids! RAW is Iowa State University! Friday, St. Louis and Saturday,
Casper!
Triple H is WALKING! Steven Richards and Johnny Stamboli offer
congratulatory handshakes - hey, thanks for being a part of the show,
guys! Bubba Ray, walking the opposite direction, bumps H as he goes by.
H smirks and says "You got a problem?" and here we go....with more
talking! "Yeah. I do have a problem." "Yeah - I'd say you do - I can
see it in your eyes. It's the same look I'm gonna to see in everybody
else's eyes when I walk through that locker room, isn't it? It's a look
of jealousy. You're jealous. You know something? When you're as good as
I am - when you're The Game, you get used to people lookin' at you like
that - you get used to jealous expressions comin' your way. When you're
That Damn Good, it's an everyday occurrence. But I'll tell you what -
just keep that look. Unlike Brock Lesnar, there's no need for you to be
jealous - 'cause I'm gonna give you the opportunity just like I'm gonna
give it to everybody else, all you've gotta do, kid (pats his shoulder) -
stand in line, and you'll get your shot at bein' the world heavyweight
champion." He goes to leave, but Dudley grabs his arm. "You got it all
wrong, man. This ain't the look o' jealousy - this is the look of HUNGER.
The same hunger that every other guy in this RAW locker room has...the
hunger to be the best in this business. The hunger to one day have the
opportunity to be the world heavyweight champion - an opportunity that
Brock Lesnar walked out with last week. You see, Hunter - that belt -
that belt that Bischoff just gave to you - the belt that you so *proudly*
wear on your shoulder right now...that belt is our salvation - and as far
as that smug look on your face is concerned, heh heh, if I was you, I'd
wipe it off...because one day somebody like me is gonna come along and
SMACK IT OFF. And then one day *I* will be world heavyweight champion.
Now if you'll excuse me - Champ - I gotta go and put somebody through a
table."
TRISH
STRATUS (Toronto, Ontario) and BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (Dudleyville - 310
pounds) v. CHRISTOPHER NOWINSKI & MOLLY HOLLY (with Earlier Tonight) in an
intergender tables match
referee: JACK DOAN
Dudley's weight is WILDLY fluctuating - or Lilian's just making up
weights, who knows. Here's your transcript as Nowinski spoke to
JONATHAN
COACHMAN: "Well, things between Molly and myself
have been going great.
And I'm sure that our chemistry outside the ring will translate INTO the
ring tonight. And after Bubba and Trish go bursting through tables, I'm
going to celebrate later tonight by bursting through something else - and
of course by something else, I mean (looks to and fro) Molly's hymen."
Lawler quickly picks up on his new favourite word - HYMEN HYMEN HYMEN
HYMEN HYMEN HYMEN HYMEN HYMEN HYMEN okay shut up now. Men start. Lockup,
side headlock by Dudley, right, right, rib shots by Nowinski, powers out,
shoulderblock off the ropes by Dudley. Up and over - drops the elbow.
Back to the side headlock - Nowinski manages to at least remove Dudley's
cap from his head while trying to get out, powers out, hiplock blocked,
Dudley with a clothesline to take him down. Head to the buckle, into the
opposite corner is reversed, but Dudley comes out with a spear - right,
right, right. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Nowinski, dropkick,
forearm in the back, again, tag to Molly, into the ropes, double head
down, kick for Nowinski, Dudley tries a powerbomb but Molly goes over the
back and lands on her feet - she tries to grab a waistlock, but Dudley
pulls her away and starts dancing with her. Molly is unhappy - tries a
slap but Dudley blocks it...then pantses her. HYMEN HYMEN HYMEN nah.
Trish in with a clothesline, clothesline, kick, moons her (well, thongs
her), slaps Nowinski and tells him something too. Duck, forearm, forearm,
forearm, into the ropes is reversed and Nowinski either pulls the hair
(what was
supposed to happen) or bumps into her, completely missing the grab (what
actually happened) but in either case Stratus goes down. Molly goes for
the double hairpull takedown. Head to the mat - again. Trish tries to
fire back - forearm, forearm, but Molly hits a gutshot, and a swinging
neckbreaker off the rope. HYMEN HYMEN HYMEN. Tag to Nowinski - he shoves
her hard to the mat, and tags Molly back in - Stratus into the ropes, but
manages a neckbreaker. If Lawler DIED, I'd be more relieved that sad.
Tags on each side - Dudley clothesline, clothesline, into the ropes, big
back body drop, big NOT back body drop with Nowinski landing on his face
and shoulder instead - probably supposed to be a flapjack but he
over-rotated - Dudley brings in Molly the hard way while Doan makes sure
Nowinski's okay. Now Stratus comes in with a spear on Molly. Nowinski
put in a corner, Molly put into Nowinski, and Dudley splashes the pile.
Down goes Molly, and Nowinski falls between her legs - HA HA HA HE'S
EATING HER OUT HA HA HA MOST FUNNIEST THING EVER I'M WRITING MY
CONGRESSMAN. Nowinski comes up happy - double thumbs up from Dudley, then
tosses him outside. Molly takes the flip flop and elbow. Nowinski in -
scoop slam for him, Trish off the top with "What Are You Doing?" Trish!
Get 'em. Table brought into the ring...and set up. But Nowinski is back
up - and clotheslines Dudley down. He turns Stratus - but ends up backing
her into taking the Molly-go-round from Molly! Dudley tossed out by
Nowinski as Molly places Stratus on a table at ringside, then climbs up
the post...Dudley back in, shoves her back to the centre of the ring, but
Nowinski pulls HIM to the floor, conking his head on the apron on the way
down - the HE climbs up top to attempt a splash to the floor...only to
find no Stratus and one table! He's out, we're told. Molly brings
Stratus back into the ring - into the corner is reversed, but Molly gets
the elbow up. Molly starts to climb, but only finds herself in the
perfect position to take the handstand headscissors. Dudley adds the
powerbomb through the table in the ring and we're finally HYMEN
(6:36)
TONIGHT: Kane
takes on Lance Storm & Christian in a handicap match!
When we come back, Coach is standing with Lance Storm & Christian -
tonight, their titles aren't on the line, but their *pride* is. What's so
funny? "What's funny is the very notion of an American talking about
pride. Come on. Americans wouldn't know pride if it came up and slapped
Lady Liberty right across her fat face! You know somebody else who
clearly has no pride is Kane. I know we were all set to burn the American
flag last week and send this country a message that it would never forget,
when that big red burnt-up freak came down and ruined everything. Well
that's all right - 'cause tonight, we'll take great pride in ruining him."
"What people don't understand here is we're not the bad guys. We're
pointin' out the flaws in this country, so people can change their ways
and NOT be hated by the rest of the world. You people don't even realise
what a nation of hypocrites you are! Take Labor Day, for example - a
holiday about labor which is celebrated by the fattest, laziest, most
perennial unemployed people on the planet? How do you think the rest of
the world feels about that? How do you think some ten-year-old kid
workin' for forty cents an hour in a sweatshop makin' you your $200
sneakers feels about that? Yet somehow out here, we're the bad guys?
It's unbelievable!" "It's unbelievable, that's what it is!" Test joins
the picture at this point. "Try and look at the bright side here. Once
you guys beat that big red loser, baby we're gonna celebrate by finishing
what we started to do last week." And he shows off his WRESTLING TORCH
Meanwhile, Bischoff has Terri and Stacy Keibler in his office - later
tonight, they'll be in the first-ever lingerie pillow fight. Presumably,
once and for all, the question will finally be settled - what's better:
tits or ass? Stacy's got assets but Terri's got pillows! "At least my
PILLOWS are 100% natural!"
Meanwhile (3), Flair gets ready...and provides a captive audience as
Jericho arrives his way. "I can't believe my ears! What the hell was
Eric Bischoff thinking by awarding the very first shot for the brand new
world title to you - a 53-year-old, over the hill has bean? Huh?" "I
know what he was thinking - he was at SummerSlam when this 53-year-old
has-been made you tap out to the figure four! Forgot about that? And you
know what, as far as you bein' King of the World, King of the Universe - I
don't even know what planet you're from, much less the world." "Hold on a
second, Flair - you've got it all wrong. I actually hope you DO beat that
assclown Triple H - and I'll tell you why. 'cause one of these days, you
and me are gonna have a rematch. And if you're the world champion (woo!)
when we have that rematch, and I beat the livin' hell outta you, then that
title goes back where it belongs - around Chris Jericho's GORGEOUS waist.
So good luck! Flair."
BOOKER T (Houston, Texas - 256 pounds -
with RAW is brought to you by
Stacker 2, Adidas and Foot Locker, and MGM's "Barber Shop!") v. WILLIAM
REGAL (Blackpool, England - 240 pounds)
referee: NICK
PATRICK
Lockup, no, knee by Regal, European uppercut. Big foreram - T fires back
- right, right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed,
but T reverses back and clotheslines him down. Knee by T, elbow,
scoop...and a slam - mount, right, right, right, right, right, right,
right, right, Patrick pulls him off. Regal sneaks in a left as T turns
back. Into the ropes, Regal with an elbow. Elbow, elbow, elbow, into the
ropes, reversal by T, side kick ducked and T crotches himself. Running
knee by Regal puts T outside - and Regal follows. Coming up, Kane! T
rolled back in, Regal beats the count at 3. Forearm across the chest,
again, Regal pulls back on the arms. T isn't down for long, turning back
around and breaking the hold - but Regal lands a knee. Forearm. Into the
opposite corner, but it's T with the crisscross rollup - 1, 2, no!
Clothesline ducked - back kick by T gets 2. T forearm, forearm, whip is
reversed into the Union Jack, but Regal only gets 2! European uppercut by
Regal. Regal waits for him to get up and gives him another one. A third
time T goes down. Regal with a handful of hair - another elbow. T put
into the ropes, but manages a knee coming off. Regal ducks the kick,
gutshot - off the ropes but T is up and lands a side kick. Dueling arm
wringers, T finally has the gutshot - off the ropes with the axe kick -
aaaaand a 1, 2, 3. (3:14)
Well, that was... "Kill the music! It ain't
over yet. It ain't over 'til I give you what you came to see. The
spinaroonie."
Michaels gets fitted up with a mic...he'll speak NEXT!
This month's Fanatic Series presentation is "NWO: Back in Black!"
Stacker 2 ad (Trish)
Take a look at the outside of the Bradley Center
Let Us Take You Back to SummerSlam and highlights of the Triple H/Shawn
Michaels/sledgehammer matchup - oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, here
come the hammer
In a wheelchair and LIVE from San Antonio, Texas is MR. WHYSPYR. "Well,
Jim, as everybody knows I'm not a doctor and to make matters worse, I
don't even play one on TV, so...ah...having said that I can tell ya at
least how I feel. I do have feeling in my legs; it's just that my
mobility is not where it should be, and more importantly (to me anyway) is
that it's not where it was before the match, and ...until I get to that
point, um...I'm gonna stay in this chair, I'm gonna go through the
physical therapy, the rehabilitation, and eventually I'm gonna have no use
for this chair, and I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna walk out of this
chair." Was it worth it? "You know, King, I've had - I've had eight days
to think about that - and, ah...I try to put myself back, you know, back
in that ring, eight days ago and just think about all the emotions that
were going on at that time, and the emotions that I felt the week prior to
the match. And...I wondered, physically will be able to deliver -
mentally and emotionally, can I, can I handle it - and...will the fans -
will the fans even care, will they remember the show stopper? Will they
hold me to that level and will I be able to reach that level, and ah...you
know I got to see it back on tape...and, ah, it seemed like it was good
enough for the fans, and therefore it's good enough for me, and...I guess,
I guess to answer your question - yeah, it was worth it - it was....it was
definitely worth it. And ah, you know, I - I have to thank God for giving
me the privlege to just, to just get in that ring once again and do what I
have loved to do for the last eighteen years of my life. And to do it in
front of the people that I have so enjoyed doing it in front of. Um, the
irony is, it's not, it's not the match that put me in this chair - it's
Triple H hittin' me between the shoulderblades with a sledgehammer that
put me in this chair." Does he have anything to say to Triple H?
"Umm...it would be that I would think of all the people in the WWE that
Triple H more than anybody oughta know the kinda guy Shawn Michaels is.
But it's clear to me now that he doesn't, or he has just forgotten, so I
want to say this to him plainly and clearly - Triple H...don't hunt what
you can't kill. And what goes around - (displays sledgehammer) - is
definitely gonna come around."
Triple H is WALKING!
TONIGHT:
Lingerie Pillow Fight! Stacy! Terri! HYMEN!
RIC FLAIR (challenger - Charlotte,
North Carolina - 234 pounds - with RAW
Credits, transmitido en espanol SAP, TV-14-DLV & CC boxes) v. TRIPLE H
(champion - Greenwich, Connecticut - 272 pounds) for the World
Heavyweight Championship
referee: CHARLES
ROBINSON
Wow this entrance is going ON and ON and ON...but you know what's weird is
that somehow they NEVER put together a graphic for this title and for
these title matches! What could it MEAN? Okay, what happens when a dream
match turns into a nightmare HERE WE GO! Feeling out process to start.
Lockup, H to the corner...Robinson counts to hen forces a break by
standing between them. We go - side headlock by Flair, chain wrestling to
a hammerlock, drops down for a leg trip - and struts! Woooo! We go again
- H with the headlock this time - HE goes to the hammerlock - Flair drops
down with a drop toehold - floats over - front face - H reverses into a
hammerlock - back to their feet - Flair ducks under and takes H to the
corner - H with a back elbow before the break. Flair back with a chop! H
goes outside...rushes back in but stops himself. Woooo! They lock up
again - side headlock by Flair, shoves him into the ropes, shoulderblock
by H - H up and over, Flair with a hiplock off the ropes. Flair applies
the arm wringer - takes another turn then steps over and bends the arm in
a way it warn't supposed to bend. Flair twists the wristlock one more
time. Woooo! Flair moves to an armbar, steps over and applies pressure.
H back to his knees - now back to his feet. Flair tries to turn it again,
but H goes to the closed fist. Flair does NOT let go of the hold, but
chops him instead! Flair with a turn - H punches, Flair turns it and
chops back. Chop! One more twist but this time H cold cocks him with a
right, taking him to the mat and breaking the hold. In the corner, H uses
the right hand. Next one is blocked, Flair fires back, chop, chop, chop,
into the ropes is reversed, and H gives Flair the Andersonbuster. H
stands over Flair and gives him nine rabbit punches to the temple. In the
corner, kick, kick, kick, kick. Into the opposite corner - FLAIR FLIP!
HE ACTUALLY DID IT and ends up on the floor. Robinson starts the
count...H shoves him aside at four and helps Flair in...with a suplex. H
hooks the leg - 1, 2, Flair pulls the hair and slips out. H brings Flair
up - elbow to the forehead, Flair chops back, chop, H gutshot, into the
ropes, sleeper hold applied. Flair turns in and hits the death suplex!
Flair's up - but the running kneedrop MISSES! H with an elbowdrop on the
knee, elbowdrop, elbowdrop. H helps Flair up by grabbing his hair - H
puts Flair's foot on the second rope, then leaps into a stomp on the back
of his knee. H goes into a strut to a large negative reaction. H grabs
the left leg and yanks back - again - and again. "NOW! NOW - we go to
school - wooo! Woooo!" But as H drops down to give Flair the figure
four, Flair wraps him up in an inside cradle - 1, 2, NO! H turns to
Robinson to make sure it was two, then moves back to Flair - Flair ducks a
swing, backslide coming up - 1, 2, no! H with a big clothesline to regain
the momentum. Right hand. Flair chops back! H with a right, Flair chops
back. H right, Flair chop - chop! Chop! Chop! H with a knee. Whip
into the corner - Flair gets up the boot as H comes in - H whipped into
the corner, Flair chops him as he comes out - chop - chop - woooo! Irish
whip...but H puts up the elbow. Whip into the corner is reversed - H
FLIP! Flair leans back but only for a moment - he wants to go outside but
Robinson holds him back. Finally, Flair makes his way to H - only to go
down as H gives him a hot shot from the apron. H rolls back into the ring
- Flair with a gutshot - picks up H - picks him up again when they mistime
it - then drops H's knee across his own. "NOW." Flair with the figure
four! H screams...and quickly manages to reach the bottom rope. Flair
lets go of the hold and gets back on him - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. H
fires back with a right - but only serves to cue Flair to CHOP him! Flair
with the strut! Flair pulls H back to the centre - but THIS time, H kicks
Flair away - Robinson does a Herculean job of avoiding the collision,
ending up out on the floor - but before he comes back in, Triple H sneaks
in the uppernut while he's not looking. Pedigree is academic. 1, 2, 3,
champ retains. (9:37)
H is kind enough to keep selling the figure
four post-match, so it's really hard to complain about this match - not
that that won't stop a hell of a lot of people from trying. Post-match
action has CHRIS MONDAY
JERICHO run to the ring, shove aside Robinson and
lock Flair in the Walls of Jericho. H is content to watch this from the
aisle with a smile on his face...now ROB VAN DAM runs out, past H,
into
the ring, kick for Jericho, lots of elbows, stomping - H back in the ring
- elbow, elbow, elbow, kick, into the ropes is reversed, van Dam ducks,
van Dam kicks, and H goes outside! While van Dam points to himself let's
fade to the ad break
The WWE Burn of the Night is brought to you by Stacker 2! From RAW, Kane
returns in time to save...a flag
When we return, it's a (too) closeup of Bischoff. "Calm down. Relax,
take a breath. We can work this out, but first you have to trust me,
man." It's Big Show. "Trust you?! You want me to trust you? Two weeks
ago you had Rosie & Jamal attack me. I haven't forgotten that. Trust
you, you HAND Triple H the world championship. You don't hand out world
championships - you're gonna hand it out, why don't you hand ME the world
championship? I'm 7'2", I'm 500 pounds! NOBODY can do in that ring what
I can do - you know it and everybody else knows it. You wanna, you wanna
hand me something? You can hand me the #1 contender spot. You owe me,
you hand me that, is what you can do." "Are you done? 'cause I'm gonna
tell you something. You wanna be the #1 Contender?" "Damn right."
"EARN IT. You've got a match coming up next with Tommy Dreamer - go out
there and IMPRESS me. I dare you." "You dare me?" "I dare you." "You
got it." As he leaves, Bischoff's cel rings. "Hello. What? Wait a
minute - are you absolutely sure? You're telling me that someone is going
to leave RAW tonight to go to SmackDown! to be with a family member?
What the hell is that? Stephanie McMahon...the BITCH. Dammit!" What,
does he have a mole or something? Ahhhh who cares
LANCE STORM & CHRISTIAN (tag team
champions - 454 pounds) v. KANE (Parts
Unknown - 326 pounds) in a handicap match
referee: Doan
Ross wonders if Kane has decided to join his brother on SmackDown!
Doubleteam stompdown to start - well, Christian stomps and Storm forearms
- into the ropes, double clothesline by Kane turns it around. Right for
you, right for you, Storm into the corner, Christian to the opposite
corner, "USA," clothesline for Storm, gutshot for Christian, pressed onto
Storm, head to the buckle, gutshot, right, back elbow, into the opposite
corner, double choke...and dropped. Off the ropes but Storm ankles
him...so he lets himself out of the ring and heads out after him...until
Christian gives him a forearm in the back. Kane turns back to Christian -
and gets a drop toehold in the STEEL steps. The Un-Americans attempt to
take over - Kane put back in the ring - Christian stomp, stomp, stomp,
stands on the neck for 4. Barrelled ot the corner and Storm applies a
choke while Christian works the body. Kane right for Christian, back
elbow for Storm, right for Christian - choke for Christian, but Storm
comes off the top to break it up. Christian covers, 1, 2, kicked out with
authority. Blatant choke - and one more. Tag to Storm, doubleteam,
forearms in the back by Storm, alleged snapmare, drops the elbow, again,
*Storm* with a blatant choke. Tag to Christian - held open for the punch.
Right hand by Christian, right, right, Kane fires back - right, right,
scoop...wants Snake Eyes but Christian gets free and shoves him into the
buckle. Wants the Un-prettier but Kane breaks free, gets Christian on his
shoulders and drops him in an electric chair! Both men are down -
Christian makes the tag just as Kane does the zombie situp - Kane right,
right, right, into the ropes, big back body drop, big boot for Christian,
Christian tossed over and out, Storm runs into a sidewalk slam - 1, 2, NO!
Kane outside and climibing up - flying (ha) clothesline coming up - yep,
he landed before he connected as usual. WHO MISSED THAT? 1, 2, Christian
breaks it up. Christian heads out before Kane can pop him - back to
Storm, who gouges his eyes. Christian throats Kane on the top rope, and
he bounces back into a dropkick from Storm - hooks the leg - 1, 2, no!
Storm pounds away and Christian is back in to help out - into the ropes -
two heads down, kick by Kane, Storm ducks a clothesline, Storm tries a
superkick that Kane ducks and Christian EATS - Storm choked - chokeslam -
1, 2, 3! (5:25)
TEST is
immediately in and puts Kane down with
Wotsitolla Boot. Test picks up the flag and his torch, ALMOST puts them
together too quickly, but BRADSHAW is out just in time
- duck, right,
right, right, right for Christian, boot for Storm, Test and Christian try
to work with numbers but Kane is back up, and the ring is cleared. Kane
sets the turnbuckles alight - but not the flag, which Bradshaw waves until
it's all tangled up on its stick. TAKE THAT OSAMA BIN LADEN
The WWE Rewind is brought to you by the new Castrol GTX High Mileage -
from last week, Tommy Dreamer gives up his hardcore match so he can lose
to Rob van Dam...or something
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (Tampa, Florida
- 500 pounds - and RAW at Iowa
State University hype) v. TOMMY DREAMER (Yonkers, New York - 252
pounds)
referee: CHAD
PATTON
Show ain't patient - kick to start, in the corner, knee, into the opposite
corner back first. Well it's the big suplex. Off the ropes as the onsale
crawl starts - well it's the big legdrop - 1, 2, HE PULLS HIM UP!! Well
it's the big hiptoss. Well it's the big headbutt. Off the ropes - well
it's the big boot. Foot on the chest. 1, 2, Dreamer rolls away. Show is
unhappy. Well it's the big forearm in the back. Into the corner, well
it's the big clothesline. Well it's the big bearhug - and tossed to the
mat. Into the ropes, well it's the big forearm in the back. Well it's
the big death suplex. Show with the lackadaisical cover - 1, 2, Dreamer
gets a foot on the bottom rope, which REALLY pisses off Show. Dreamer
tossed to the outside. Show slaps his chest. Dreamer tossed into the
STEEL steps. Show with a bleep for Lilian, then stealing his chair.
Patton has full view so he doesn't swing it. Instead, he gets back in and
I believe starts discussing the "McLaughlin Group 20th Anniversary
Special" with him - meanwhile, Dreamer is back in and he DOES have the
chair - Dreamer evades the punch aimed at the chair - WHACK
(DQ 2:42) -
WHACK - WHACK to the head - off the ropes - WHACK - timmmmmmmmberrrrrrr!
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK - crowd chants "ECW" so he comes off the ropes and
drops the chair on Show. Well, that was...
Backstage, Bischoff is WALKING! H stops him. "Hey - did you see that?
Did you see RVD stick his nose in my business? I WANT HIM - TONIGHT."
"Look, I know you want him tonight, but I can't do that. I've already got
RVD in a match against Jericho." "Screw Chris Jericho!" "I can't screw
Chris Jericho, it's done, the match has been made." "Listen to me -
listen to me - am I the man around here? Am I the franchise player around
here? Am I the world's champion? Yes I am. Then I get what I want - and
I want RVD's ass tonight." Hey, stop reading into what he's saying, you
pervert! "All right. All right, you want it, you got it. Here's what
we're gonna do, all right? It's real simple. Main event--" Here comes
Jericho. "Hold on a second, what do you mean it's real simple? I've got
Rob van Dam tonight for the intercontinental championship - you promised
me, it's already been announced. Huh? You're gonna change it just 'cause
HE said so? The champ said so?" "Yeah. Because I said so." "When I
became the champion, I beat two guys in one night. I didn't get the title
from some cheeseball ceremony." "Look, guys! I don't have time for this,
okay? There's a lot going on here tonight, I've got something I gotta do.
This is the main event, this is the way it's gonna be - it's gonna be you
two taking on RVD, Ric Flair, main event, all right? That's the match,
that's the main event." Jericho isn't pleased - H is pleased enough.
Stacker 2 ad #2 (Trish again)
"WWE Superstars Posterbook 2002" ad
JEFF HARDY (Cameron, North Carolina -
218 pounds - with Castrol GTX High
Mileage presents WWE Unforgiven on the 22nd!) v. CRASH (Mobile, Alabama -
220 pounds)
referee: Robinson
THE WIFESWAPPER
is out before
Crash's entrance is over. "Whoa, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, stop
right now! There's not gonna be any match here - stop right now! And
Jeff, you can wipe that confused coy look right off your face - you see I
got it all - I got a call from a very reliable source that told me that
someone was gonna be leaving RAW tonight to go to SmackDown! because of
some...family issue? Well let me tell you something. I know you wanted
to take care of business because of what your brother did to you, but hey
- a little notice would have been nice. You know what I mean? It didn't
have to be a month's notice - hell, it didn't have to be a week's notice -
it could have been three minutes' notice." THE NEW GOOD OL' JR is out to
double headbutt, double overhead flapjack, double elbowdrop - Hardy's
chartreuse and white hankies (back right pocket) are left unscathed at
least - and just before the final splash, Bisch speaks up again. "Now
hold it hold it hold it hold it! Just for the record, this is what
happens ANY time *anybody* decides they wanna leave RAW for SmackDown!"
And there's the splash. "There, ya happy now? Ya satisfied?" But now
Crash swipes the mic! "Mr. Bischoff, I just thought you should
know...Jeff's not the one leavin' for SmackDown! - I am!" ZING - Bischoff
was outsmarted by MR. HEAT EXCLUSIVE HIMSELF, CRASH. WAY TO GO.
Bischoff *almost* seems geniunely guilty about the fact that he just took
another year off Hardy's life.
When we come back, a red carpet has been rolled into the ring, a bedroom
set has been assembled, and JERRY
LAWLER has taken his place as Special
Lecherous Referee...
STACY
KEIBLER v. TERRI
in a lingerie pillow fight - Maybe I'm gay - anyway, Terri wins.
(1:44)
Post-match, Stacy whacks Terri with a loaded pillow (loaded with
an...alarm clock) - then produces a bucket of Castrol GTX (proud sponsors
of Unforgiven) and tars and feathers her. Play her music 'cause she LOST!
NEXT: Triple H
& Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair & Rob van Dam!
TRIPLE H (world champion - Greenwich,
Connecticut - 272 pounds) and CHRIS JERICHO (Winnipeg, Manitoba - 227
pounds) v. ROB VAN DAM (intercontinental champion - Battle Creek, Michigan
- 235 pounds) and RIC FLAIR (Charlotte, North Carolina - 234
pounds)
referee: EARL HEBNER
We come back
in mid-entrance but it STILL feels like it takes forever...van Dam spies H
on the apron, but not Jericho behind him and here we go. Brief doubleteam
until Flair comes out (Flair gets no entrance, hmmm hmm hmm) and trips up
H - chop in the corner, right, right, right, meanwhile van Dam has turned
it around on Jericho and is kicking away. H tossed out - Jericho put in
the ropes - double back body drop. Flair to his corner as van Dam
continues with the kicks. Forearm, into the ropes, Jericho ducks, van Dam
leapfrog but Jericho's hooked the ropes - but Jericho runs into a kick.
Hiptoss by van Dam, monkey flip out of the corner, backflip press gets van
Dam 2. Elbow, elbow, into the ropes, Jericho slides under, leaps over the
leg sweep, and launches an enzuigiri that finds the mark - 1, 2, van Dam's
out. Right by Jericho, climbs into the choke. "RVD" chant. Jericho
ignores HYMEN - Hebner - and moves back in on van Dam - into the opposite
corner, van Dam up and onto the apron - shoulder through the ropes - back
in and over with a guillotine. Tag to Flair! Chop! Chop! Right, left,
right, left, right, left, right, chop, into the ropes is reversed and H
throws up an elbow - then Jericho clotheslines Flair down. Tag to Triple
H - stands over Flair for eight right hands. Flair dares him to come on -
H right, right, Flair backhand chop, H right, Flair chop, H right, Flair
chop, H knee - head to Jericho's elbow, tag. Jericho with a blatant choke
on the second rope. Words for Hebner - and back to the choke. Wants the
Boss Man straddle but Flair's outta there and Jericho throats himself on
the miss. Everybody wants a tag, but the crowd is more interested in van
Dam getting it. Tag to H - HOT TAG TO VAN DAM! Duck, kick, kick, kick is
caught, enzuigiri is missed but the mule kick is not - dropkick - Jericho
in, Jericho out, kick for H, into the opposite corner is reversed but van
Dam gets the elbow up - vaults to the top - flying kick! Off the ropes,
but Jericho trips him up...and when van Dam turns back to Jericho, he pops
him through the ropes with a chair! That should be it - H with the cover
as Jericho and Flair brawl - 1, 2, NO! Jericho shoves Flair into the
barricade - H throws van Dam out to Jericho - Hebner busy trying to keep
Flair from bringing himself OR the chair back into the ring - while
outside, Jericho is working over van Dam's jaw by dropping it on the
barricade. van Dam thrown back in and H covers - 1, 2, no. "RVD" chant.
Elbow to the back of the neck - tag to Jericho. Jericho with a suplex.
"C'mon baby" gets 1. van Dam to the body - left, right, left, right,
left, into the corner, shoulder, shoulder, superfluous backflip, Jericho
leaps over the next shoulder and manages a rollup - 1, no into the Walls
of Jericho! Flair is in to break it up with a chop tout suite. Jericho
shoves Flair to the floor, then tags in Triple H. Again Flair tries to
get into the action and Hebner manages to hold him back. H drops the
elbow. Flair swipes at H but misses from the apron. H with a facelock -
van Dam tries to inch to his corner, but H lets go to pop him one - Flair
doesn't go down, though - right hand, right, right, comes in - chop, chop
for Jericho, chop, clotheslines Jericho out - H takes HIM out from behind.
Back to van Dam but he's rested - backhand - again, again - forearm in the
back by H. Into the ropes, van Dam back to back up and over, kick caught,
but van Dam hits the stepover heel kick - off the ropes with Rolling
Thunder - 1, 2, no! van Dam tries to build on the momentum but H is right
back up with the gutshot - going for the Pedigree but van Dam backdrops
out of the attempt! Spinning roundhouse kick! van Dam vaulting up - but
Jericho shoves him off the top and into the ropes on his way back to the
mat! FLAIR back in - Jericho ducks, chops, they trade blows and Flair
ends up outside. Jericho with a Lionsault on van Dam! H covers - 1, 2,
Hebner does his stupid foot shuffle which gives away a no count EVERY time
- arrrrrrgh. On the outside, Flair ties up Jericho in a figure four -
Jericho taps a lot since it doesn't count. Inside the ring, H has his
belt - but van Dam kicks the belt into H's face! van Dam vaulting up -
Fivestar frog splash! Cover - 1, 2, 3!! (9:37) Take a replay - when
we come back, van Dam is posing with BOTH belts. Credits are up and we're
out.
CRZ
[slash] wrestling
Comment about this article in Wienerville