heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey it's the big anniversary! WWE 7.15 (-
.22, last year: 11.01, two years ago: 14 7/8, three years ago: 23 7/8)
For those of you keeping score, the new, NEW all-time low is now 6.76 -
set last Wednesday. The all-time HIGH, by the way, was set on the first
day of trading, 19 October 1999, at - get this - *34*. Of course, it
ended up settling down that day and closing at 25.25, and I don't have to
tell you it NEVER got that high again. What does it all mean? Well...I
guess I just hope you don't have any in YOUR 401(k). (Of course, it's
still worth more than XO...)
TONIGHT: Boy howdy we made it through a whole promo without mentioning there was a pay-per-view last night! Stick around for a six-person intergender match when Booker T & Goldust team with Trish Stratus to take on Christian & Chris Jericho & Victoria! Belts on both sides, issues unsettled, intrigue, diabolical mayhem destruction and other big words to come! Also, an interview with Shawn Michaels - STILL in a wheelchair? Man, leave it to the kid to STILL find ways to bite on Bret Hart IT'S ON IN ELEVEN MINUTES
The following is a special Vegas Month Presentation! Because...Nashville...is the....Vegas...of.............
TV-14-DLV - CC - Attitude - Entertainment - Mug
Pay-per-view opener kicks off the show - well, the Kane/HHH piece of it, anyway
No credits, NORO, instead we go straight to an entrance by TRIPLE H, accompanied by RIC FLAIR. TONIGHT: Shawn Michaels updates us on his condition! "I have got a message for all the boys in the back, for all the fans - for all the 'writers' that said that I did not deserve to be handed the World's Heavyweight Championship - I've just got one thing to say to you all - SCREW YOU." Hahahaha "I have defeated every single person that has stepped in this ring with me, and after last night, I ended twenty-three years of intercontinental title history. I do what I wanna do, when I wanna do it, and there is not a damn thing that anybody can do about it. And the reality of it is, Naitch, the reality of it is, I can do it because in this world, I am *untouchable.* And not only am I deserving to be the World's Heavyweight Champion, I damn well might be the greatest World's Champion of all time. And beating Kane..." pause for "You Suck" chant "And beating Kane last night was just - lemme see, how would you say it - it's kinda like one more nail in Katie Vick's coffin. Y'know, and and - and speaking of nailing Katie Vick...you know, Kane's not even here yet, Ric - God, you know - I, I hope Kane hasn't gotten into a car accident and killed somebody." HAHAHAHAHAHA "But you know what, you know, Kane, I can't blame 'im - he probably just doesn't want to show up tonight and get in the ring with his partner, RVD - and face the Nature Boy and the Game tonight. Either that, or Kane hasn't shown up because he's got wind of this videotape. You see, I have the answers to all of last week's burning questions of whether or not Kane had sex with Katie Vick when she was alive...or if he waited until she was dead. Oh yeah, that videotape is the proof, and the fact is I've gotta warn everybody because that is the most graphic and salacious videotaped footage I have ever seen in my life. And after you have seen it, I can promise you this: you people will NEVER look at Kane the same way again. So you know what, I just..." HURRICANE hits the ring at this point - Flair tries to stop him, but he ducks, flying clothesline off the ropes - ducks H, right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, ducks, neckbreaker - grabs the tape and the chase is on outside the ring - Flair chases him right into a clothesline from H - the doubleteam is on - Hurricane meets the STEEL steps. H collects his belt...then the videotape. "I'll tell you what...it's not gonna matter, superhero - it's not gonna matter what you do - it's not gonna matter if Kane shows up. Because I'm gonna show this videotape, and when I do, this issue with Kane, it's gonna be just like Katie Vick - DEAD." And one more stomp on Hurricane. Play his music!
Why does Bob keep having to make these CSI presentations? The show's been on for WEEKS!
In the local slot, we get an ad for UFC knockoff "King of the Cage: Sudden Impact," taking place in Reno at the Silver Legacy next Friday (1 November). Dan Severn RETURNS! butIbethedoesn'tactuallyfightanybody ANYWAY that's an interesting targetting of a spot... but it may just be that my new cable company is better about targetting spots than my old one was...did I mention I moved? Yeah
The WWE Slam of the Week is brought to you by Sony Pictures' "Half Past Dead" - from last week, Al Snow and Christopher Nowinski and Tommy Dreamer...wait, THIS is the Slam OF THE WEEK? COME ON
JEFF HARDY (Cameron, North Carolina -
218 pounds) v. CHRISTOPHER NOWINSKI
(Cambridge, Massachusetts - 260 pounds)
In his office, a scowling Eric Bischoff views a tape of his encounter with The Big Show from last night. Knock knock - "come on in, Show." But it's Stacy Keibler. She wants to referee a match because she had so much fun last week. Bischoff says whatever, fine, pick any match that isn't the main event. She thanks him and takes off, saying "Hey, Show" on her way out. "So you wanted to see me?" Bischoff says about last night, it's all water under the bridge - and he really wants to tell him about his match tonight. He'll be facing Rico. "Rico." "...and Jamal, and Rosey. Kind of a three on one handicap match." "What?" "Oh yeah, you're gonna love it. And you know what the best part is? (laughs) There's not a damn thing you can do about it! Good luck, Show!" Show thinks about making him flinch...but walks off. Eric's smile returns to a scowl.
Stacker 2 ad (Bubba Ray Dudley) - isn't trying to sell ephedra-free Stacker 2 kind of like trying to sell fiber-free Metamucil?
Saliva Survivor Series spot
Dreamer catches up to Snow and asks him what's up with causing him to lose to Nowinski last week. "Look, it was never my intention for you to lose. Chris is still one of my kids and I didn't want to see the kid get hurt last week, Tommy." "Well maybe YOU'RE gonna get hurt tonight, Al...'cause we're gonna have a Singapore cane match." He walks off before Snow can continue talking. Nowinski arrives from behind the curtain at this point. "Hey - I want to talk to you." "And I want to talk to you, too." "Oh do you?" "Listen, Al - thanks, but no thanks. I don't need, didn't need your help to get into the WWE...I sure as hell don't need it now."
LANCE STORM & WILLIAM REGAL (470
pounds) v. BUBBA RAY & SPIKE DUDLEY (460
pounds) in a #1 Contenders' Match
Catch the WWE live! Friday, Topeka! Saturday, Wichita! Sunday, Toledo! And next week is RAW in Detroit!
Tough Enough III ad - everybody hates Scott - Man, I'M sold on watching it NOW!
Here's a look at the Nashville skyline...and the Gaylord Entertainment Center. This might be a good time to mention that this is RAW #491 coming to you LIVE 21.10.2 on THE NEW TNN! and possibly on TSN if there isn't something better on to pre-empt it (like rodeo)
TONIGHT: Booker T & Goldust & Trish Stratus v. Christian & Chris Jericho & Victoria!
Backstage, the intrepid eyes and ears of the WWE camera catch a private moment between a photographer and Trish Stratus. Christian & Chris Jericho interrupt. "Hit the bricks, junior." "Get lost, you pansy!" "Don't you worry about what WE want, Trish - 'cause I KNOW what YOU want. WE just came here to wish you good luck in the match tonight." "Yeah, and we believe you too, Trish. I mean, any woman who'd crawl around on her knees and bark like a dog for Vince McMahon--" They take turns barking to her chest - I mean, her. "Yeah, any chick like that would never sleep her way to the top, would she? Come on." "Haha, and that's obvious, Trish. But what we really came here to say is we want you to pass on a message to your little buddies Goldust & Booker T, and that is this: last night, Chris Jericho showed the world that *I* am NOT a SUCKER!" "An' I ain't not no sucka, neither!" "But what I am is a HUGE rock star, and WE are the tag team champions of the world - we showed that last night, and we'll show it agayne, and agayne, and agayne, and agayne! And as far as those 'stories' Victoria's been telling about you, Trish, I think the truth...I see how you've been looking at me. I know you want me." "Aw, it's so obvious, come on." "And I think after the match, you should come back to my dressing room and get what you REALLY want...an injection of Vitamin.....C." Off they go. "Talk about delusional."
THE WIFESWAPPER is back, and better than ever. "And I LOVE each and every one of you people, too! Hey hey hey hey - but tonight, Big Show's going to find out what happens when you lay your hands on Eric Bischoff. And at Survivor Series, Stephanie McMahon is going to find out what happens when you try to outPROMOTE Eric Bischoff. Now make no mistake about it, that Hell in the Cell match between Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker, it was a spectacle. No, it was a bloodbath! No mistake about it. But it is going to pale in comparison to the match that *I* have in mind. You see, at Survivor Series, you are going to witness an ingenious creation - one that could only come from the mind...of Eric Bischoff. At Survivor Series, you WILL bear witness...to the elimination chamber." Long pause. So they hit his music! OMG WHAT IS THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER
Stacy Keibler is WALKING! Eric Bischoff hallway photo count: 5
Batista vignette - "The Genetic Revolution has begun"
Special Guest Referee: STACY
TERRI has Victoria backstage. "Hold up, Terri. Are you calling me a liar? Trish Stratus is the one who's a liar. Trish Stratus is the one that chose her personal career over our friendship. Trish Stratus, she said...we'd make it together." Goldust has snuck behind her and is making crying mime faces. "The truth is...Trish Stratus, she's the liar. The truth is, she said she'd never leave me behind. The truth is--" "(inhales) (as Sylvester) The truth IS, girlfriend...you CRAZY (bites)." "How DARE you - you don't know what I've gone through. You don't know the pain that I have...endured. ...what?" "WHAT UP DOG!" "Are you calling me dog?" "Calm down, calm down. So, uh...you teaming up with Christian and Jericho, right? Well the one thing I do know, you can't spell Jericho without the H-O hoooooooo! Jericho, he's talking about giving Trish a dose of Vitamin C? Well I'm gonna give him a dose of Vitamin P - straight up his Punk ass like a large-mouth bass. Now can u dig THAT...SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Goldust adds a pat on her rump on his way out. Terri is amused by her ex-husband!
The WWE Burn of the Night is brought to you by Stacker 2! From No Mercy last night, Stratus pins Victoria...then Victoria kicks her after the match
TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL
(Women's Champion - Toronto, Ontario)
and GOLDUST (Hollywood, California - 260 pounds - with RAW Credits &
transmitido en espanol SAP) and BOOKER T (Houston, Texas - 256 pounds -
with TV-14-DLV & CC boxes - with RAW is brought you by Atari's "Godzilla:
Destroy All Monsters Melee," Greyhound and Snickers!) v. VICTORIA (Los
Angeles, California) and CHRISTIAN (co-tag team champion - Toronto,
Ontario - 224 pounds - with RAW in Detroit hype) and CHRIS JERICHO (co-tag
team champion - Winnipeg, Manitoba - 227 pounds) in roasting, toasting
"You don't play this tape until I tell you to play this tape, you got it? Undertand?" From the production truck, Triple H is WALKING!!
This week on Confidential: Kelsey Grammer vs. Tough Enough! Of course, the graphic still says "11/10PM" even though it's airing at 9/8 this week. Remember when they'd have people who wouldn't let mistakes like this get by and make it to air? It seems so long ago....
Another "King of the Cage at Silver Legacy" local spot
Feast your eyes on the WWE.com homepage - thanks for watching No Mercy, everybody!
Your hosts are a pair of kings - LARRY & JERRY. LET'S SEE THE TAPE
Terri stands in front of an exciting door! She hopes that Kane will have a few words for them after we watch the tape.
Over to JONATHAN COACHMAN, who stands at the interview set with Triple H. Why's he doing this? "Why am I doing this? 'cause I wanna show the world what kind of a man Kane is. You know, I called him a murderer, but he's a whole lot worse than that; he's some kinda twisted psychopath, some kinda sick freak. Believe me, only a man like Kane could do the type of thing I'm about to show you on this videotape. Now I gotta warn you: this is NOT for the squeamish. Roll the footage."
Graphic: "WARNING The following scene contains material that may offend some viewers. DISCRETION IS ADVISED"
Graphic on tape: "10/09/92 2:30am" Looks like a funeral home, complete with open casket. Why there'd be a cameraman here is anybody's...ohhh, never mind. I got it. "Hello. It's me, Kane. Is anyone here?" Well, it's not Kane entering the room - it's Triple H dressed up in a Kane mask and "BIG FREAK'N MACHINE" T-shirt. He approaches the coffin. "Hello, Katie. God...you look so good. Katie, you might look better - dead - than you did alive. You know, Katie...it didn't have to be like this. You didn't have to die. If you'd'a just given me what I wanted - if you'd'a just let me touch you...Katie, in that car. If you'd'a just...touch your beautiful breasts, then I wouldn't have swerved and gone off the road. And you would still be alive. Yes you would. Y- Yes you would - don't - no. N-- you would, too, you would still be alive and it's your fault. That's right. That's right, it is your fault, and you know it. 'cause I loved you, Katie - and you - you didn't love me when you were alive, because I was...some burnt up freak. What's that? Really? Now that you're...you're dead, you want me? I want you too, Katie. I've always wanted you, Katie. Look at you. I want you more than ever now - in your cheerleader uniform. I used to watch you bounce up and down. Your panties...would show. You know....if you want me, and I want you then there's no reason that...we shouldn't...be together." Picture gets pixellated where he feels her up. "Ohhhhh yeah. You like that, huh. Shhhhhhh. Don't be too loud. Your parents are next door, Katie. The other hand too? Ohhhh yeah. That's good. You know, Katie...you feel kinda stiff. Speaking of...stiff...maybe....maybe I should do what I've always wanted to do. You want me to?" He removes his shirt. "Yeah, Katie, I thought you would - I thought you'd never ask, but...I understand now you - you can't resist me. Maybe you should take off some clothes, too, Katie - I mean - maybe... maybe I should... (removes bra) This'll help. I bet it feels good to have them free, doesn't-- ohhh yes it certainly does. You know, Katie...these panties that I always saw under your skirt...you won't need these... (he smells 'em - eww) - ohhhh, I love the smell of formaldehyde in the morning. Katie...I'm gonna give you what you want. And I'm gonna take what I always wanted." Fortunately, we're from the chest up as he drops trou...then climbs in the coffin, lifts a leg... "What's that? Oh, I'm going to. Yeah. I'm gonna give you what you always wanted, Kaite - tell me how bad you want it - tell me - yessssss." We move to shots of flowers and candles and background music covering up the sounds of... oh who knows. "Oh - oh - oh, Katie - oh - who's your daddy, Katie, huh? That's it. Who's your daddy? Oh." Back to the picture as "Kane" sighs. "I hope that was as good for you as it was for me. What's that? I did? You're kidding me. I really did? I did? Oh my God...I did. I really did it! I really did... (displays - ugh) I screwed your brains out!" And he throws them on the camera lens.
Back to H, who has to put his head on Coach's shoulder, he's laughing so hard. "Ohhhh what a sick freak!"
Now back to Terri, who thinks Kane won't really want to talk to anybody after that. She'll try, though. She opens the door a little bit...but it slams in her face.
MAN, THIS SURE MAKES ME WANT TO PAY $34.95 FOR THE NO MERCY ENCORE!
Well at least no lesbians were harmed, so TNN will be happy
Booker T shills chicken 'n' ribs
AL SNOW (Tough Enough III - Lima, Ohio
- 246 pounds - with Let Us Take You
Back to Earlier TOnight) v. TOMMY DREAMER (Yonkers, New York - 252 pounds)
in a Singapore cane match
TONIGHT: Big Show vs. Rico, Jamal & Rosey!
"WWE Divas Undressed" available tomorrow on DVD & VHS! (If you REALLY wanted it, you'd have taped it when it aired on THIS channel)
Survivor Series tickets go on sale at MSG Saturday - meet Eric Bischoff at the box office, just don't throw anything at him! Heavens!
ROSEY & JAMAL & RICO (952 pounds) v.
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (Tampa,
Florida - 500 pounds) in a handicap match
Shawn Michaels is W---WHEELING!
Catch the SmackDown! crew live in Memphis tomorrow, a week from tomorrow in Grand Rapids, Saturday in Wilkes-Barre and Sunday in Bethlehem!
WWE Anthology ad (Ultimate Warrior)
Coach has Show at the interview set - Bischoff halts the interview, saying Show has just been traded...and he'll also be hearing from his attorney in the morning. Show turns back to Coach. "Don't feel sorry for me...you've still gotta work for that (beep)." Camera looks right to see Hurricane opening the trunk of a car...and standing by.
Commentators remind us that the main event is still to come
You are looking live at The World!
Let Us Take You Back to SummerSlam, where Triple H gave Shawn Michaels two sledgehammer shots
Now INSIDE The World, Shawn Michaels wheels out to his music. "Well, Jim, I have to tell ya - I'm feeling better than the last time we talked. I'm not quite a hundred percent yet, and every morning I wake up, I still remember what I did for a living, and I certainly remember that last match at SummerSlam with Triple H, and - and him hitting me with that sledgehammer. Uh...as far as the rehab is concerned, it's going well, it's just, it's goin' slow. Uhh, there's times I think to myself, you know, forget it, just give up. You know, I've got nothin' else to prove, my career stands for itself, and I think that last match that I had with Triple H can also stand on its own merit. But then I realise that everything I do in my life, and certainly, everything I do here in the WWE is a testimony to, to God, my wife and my son and their impact and influence on my life, and then I realise that giving up is not an option. And ah, and that feeling of not giving up always brings me back to Triple H; you know, I know he sits there each and every Monday night and feels this great sense of accomplishment, he's the guy that put the great HBK out of business, he put him in the wheelchair just like he said he was going to do. But Triple H needs to understand one thing: I've told him once, and I'm gonna tell him again - don't hunt what you can't kill. Now I realise I don't look good, but the fact of the matter is, I'm gonna get ya somewhere down the line...and if you're a little bit skeptical, lemme prove to ya just how far I've come." And...HE STANDS UP!!!!! Well, he makes it rather dramatic, first faking that he can't actually do it...then he just springs up like he was never hurt at all (wink). Now in the HBK voice, he says "See the fact of the matter is...ol' HBK is and has been on the comeback trail. Triple H, somewhere down the line, from this moment on, each and every Monday night, I wantcha lookin' over your shoulder to the left, I wantcha lookin' over your shoulder to the right. Because HBK is up, and he's mobile! That means I could be comin' from the ramp, I could be comin' from the crowd, I could be comin' from underneath the ring, I could be comin' from the rooftop - you don't know, and you don't know where, you don't know when, but this I can assure you...HBK is comin' back - and somewhere down the line, HBK is gonna GIT ya!" Then he...breaks into softshoe! Woooo!
Tough Enough III ad #2
CSI is NEXT!
Stacker 2 ad #2 - hey, isn't trying to sell ephedra-free Stacker 2 a bit like trying to sell an all-instrumentals rap album?
CSI is coming up at (ha) 11:05! "Always" by Saliva is the theme song of Survivor Series, here's a look at THEIR CD
RIC FLAIR (Charlotte, North Carolina -
234 pounds - with tomorrow in
Memphis hype - umm how can Lawler wrestle if it's a SmackDown! show?) and
TRIPLE H (World Heavyweight Champion Greenwich, Connecticut - 272 pounds -
with Xbox presents Survivor Series!) v. ROB VAN DAM (Battle Creek,
Michigan - 235 pounds) and KANE (Parts Unknown - 326
Backstage now for our Hello David McLane. Kane punches away on H, into a table...hey, you wanna bet he loads him into the waiting trunk? Into the archway of the interview set, right, H knee, but Kane reverses a whip into the Pepsi machine. "You ain't seen nothin' like me before!" Into a door. Wow, look at all the people standing around. Into the car is reversed and Kane's head is rammed into the hood. Gutshot, Pedigree attempt...countered with a double leg...and a WOW Catapult onto the hood of the car! Kane with the choke - chokeslam on the hood! COME ON PUT HIM IN THE TRUNK ALREADY...scooped up...yeeeeeeeeeeah into the trunk! Hurricane slams the door. "You better get outta here, okay? Go on, kid." After Hurricane exits, Kane kneels down and knocks on the door of the trunk. "Triple H - you hear me in there? Now...I'M gonna screw YOU. The only question is...will you still be alive...or will I just wait until you're DEAD." Man, and we all know what kinda driver Kane is...credits are up, WW Entertainment logo, and I'm gone.
Wow - and to think that YOU were worried that this angle was gonna be the drizzling shits!