/20 April 1998
WWF RAW is WAR
One World Leader Attitude - the World Wrestling Federation
Clips from last week's RAW is WAR show Austin, McMahon, and Dude Love. The big question on everyone's mind is - "Why Dude Why?" (see Bob Backlund for an earlier instance of this angle).
From the Nassau Colesium in Uniondale, Long Island, New York, it's RAW! airing 20.4.98 (but taped 14.4.98) and rated TV-PG (V). Your hosts are Jim Ross and Michael Cole.
Kevin Kelly provides the Remote Report from the site of the Undertaker & Kane's parent's burial. Apparently, Paul Bearer & Kane have been there since early in the morning.
Dude Love has a new interview segment - "the Love Shack." Before Dude can get into it, Vince McMahon comes out and borrows the mic. "With one arm tied behind his back, I had the opportunity to humiliate and embarrass Stone Cold Steve Austin - and you prevented that. You interfered. And for that, I'm fining you a sum of five thousand dollars. Don't ever, EVER, interfere in my business again." Dude wants us all to understand that when he made his way down to ringside last week, he only wanted to create a little peace, love, and understanding, but ended up the victim of a sucker attack from behind, by Austin. He then goes on to talk about all the chicks that the former World Tag Team Champions used to get - that his were beautiful, and his were dogs. Dude Love says that he'll forego the match this Sunday as long as Steve Austin begs him by the end of the show. JR tells us that Vince McMahon's office sent Steve Austin off to a bar mitzvah today.
KAMA MUSTAFA v. FAAROOQ in a Long Island Street Fight (no DQ, come as you are - bring weapons) - the "New Nation" also has new theme music. Kama brings a trash can, Mark Henry a beer keg. The Rock has some sort of staff. Before Faarooq comes out, let's take an ad break!
When we come back, we see that not only have the rest of the Nation been barred from the ringside (at the walkway), but also Shamrock & Blackman (in the back). The beer keg, the trashcan, a hammer, a belt - you name it, it's used. Needless to say, no real wrestling to be found here - just a lot of stompin'. Faarooq has taped ribs, so Kama does a lot of ribwork. This Sunday at IYH: Unforgiven, there's a 6-man: Faarooq/Shamrock/Blackman vs. Rocky/D-Lo/Mark Henry. End comes when Faarooq surprises Kama with his boot and hits the Dominator spinebuster for the pin. (6:04)
Backstage, we see D-generation X watching tape of themselves urinating on the bikes. Triple H is dared to show HIS bazooka and then piss on the crowd. Oh boy, stay tuned for THAT. Chyna appears to be in a better mood, by the way - she ALMOST smiles.
Jedoublef Jadoubleredoublet will be performing with Sawyer Brown Sunday at the big PPV. In a video package, we see...well, a guy in Sawyer Brown and Jarrett talking to each other. I could have sworn I heard the Sawyer Brown guy say "Hogan" but maybe I misheard it.
Are you ready? DX comes to ringside. Ross reminds us that Sunday, Helmsley and Hart hook it up with Chyna suspended from the ceiling in a cage. Also, the NAO takes on LOD2K...again. X-Pac gets on the mic and introduces Triple H. Helmsley reminds us that DOA had a bad Monday last week. Jesse James gets the mic and does his New Age Outlaws introduction shtick, then promises that LOD Two Thousand have no chance. Helmsley calls Sunny "Skanky" repeatedly and then gives Owen Hart what for. Finally, Billy Gunn takes the mic and says it's time for ... well, there's a stream of SOMETHING coming from Triple H's direction - but it's only a Super Soaker (who knows, it COULD be filled with urine, I guess). Chyna says ... nothin'. Finally, we're rescued from this whole mess by LOD2K, Skanky - err, Sunny, and Owen Hart. As they make their way to the ring, they are held back by Comissioner Slaughter, who orders a 6-man tag tonight between DX and LOD/Hart. Sunny poses. HHH leads the crowd in saying "Suck it." I think to myself, wow, Nitro may have actually been better tonight.
Vince McMahon, pacing backstage, gets a cup of coffee.
Meanwhile, DX is squirting some New York Jets.
10-321 presents the WWF Rewind - a compilation of Dan Severn UFC clips.
RAW is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT and WWF: the Music, Volume 2.
Kevin Kelly's Remote Report: The Undertaker is just a few minutes from the cemetary, when they expect all Hell to break loose.
MOSH (with Thrasher) v. DAN SEVERN (with four belts and Jim Cornette) - Let us take you back to last week, when Shamrock and Severn stare at each other. Severn takes down Mosh and they do that mat thing until they break. Mosh tries a takedown, and they do the mat thing again. Lockup, Severn with a knee and a gutwrench suplex. Severn follows up with another suplex, then another - well, they're all different suplexes, I'll give you that. Severn with some "humiliating" slaps. Cornette has been giving Mosh the badmouth, so Thrasher walks over and pops him one. Severn, meanwhile, regains control after a Mosh suplex with another suplex, a bodyslam, and an armbar for the submission. (2:42) Everyone's impressed with the Beast.
Kevin Kelly says that Undertaker took off almost immediately after arriving - all he (KK) heard was a scream - Undertaker appears from nowhere and threatens Kelly, unless he tells them "where they are." As he's working the chokehold, let's take an ad break.
When we come back, Kelly (sitting on the ground) says he didn't know what the Undertaker saw, but he can only speculate that he must be headed back to the Arena. Man, that cemetary must be CLOSE. I would have had it pegged a little close to Death Valley.
TAFKA GOLDUST (with Luna) v. (justin "hawk") BRADSHAW - Luna grabs the mic and does the "Sable..." bit. She'll strip Sable of her soul, of her mind, and most importantly, of her clothes, "including your bra and panties!" Bradshaw immediately takes down Goldust, then takes off his chaps. Then he whips Goldust with the chaps, cool! Back body drop and Goldust walks out. Bradshaw follows. Big chop (woooo!). Goldust's head meets the STEEL steps. Rolled back in, whip into the corner, Bradshaw eats a boot. Lariat by Goldust. Into the corner, Bradshaw punches out. Side Russian leg sweep by Bradshaw. Misses an elbow, Goldust with a DDT. Goldust straddles Bradshaw and punches away. Hey, Goldust is wearing the same gloves Sting does! Goldust with the flying clothesline. They trade punches in the corner. Goldust with a headbutt to the corner. Whip into the corner. Snapmare and Goldust hits the knee for 2. Chinlock. Bradshaw elbows out but Goldust hits a knee to the gut. Whip into the ropes, missed clothesline, Goldust tries the cross body block, but Bradshaw catches him for a fallaway slam. Bradshaw with a whip into the ropes and a big lariat. Whip into the corner with a followed clothesline, three times. Bradshaw signals - but it's Klub Kamikaze! (DQ 4:48) Big triple team moves, culminating in a great senton from one while the other two hold him down.
Hey, look, Steve Austin has made it back to the arena! If Jim Ross says "Business is fixin' to pick up," take a drink!
The M&M's Slam of the Week is Vince McMahon slapping Steve Austin, from last week's War Zone.
War Zone opening credits. Closed captioned! And quite possibly en espa–ol sea disponible. Whoops, the credits kinda cut short - we didn't get any fireworks either. No one says anything, though, and we quickly forget because with the sound of breaking glass, Stone Cold Steve Austin has made his way to the ring and grabbed the mic. He calls Dude Love the "psychadelic jackass" and speculates that there just might have been a conspiracy between Vince and Dude. He prompts the crowd for a "Hell Yeah" and gets it. He says it doesn't matter that Dude Love can beat him when he has one arm tied behind his back, but he'll get his revenge. Austin promises that before the show is over, he'll get his hands on Vince McMahon, and on Dude Love. "Stone Cold's got some ass to kick tonight, and that's the bottom line..." and we know the rest. Austin then goes on to threaten the photographer, Michael Cole, the Fink, the ring announcer, and on and on, finally roughing up a cameraman.
Oh yeah, your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.
We see a hearse arrive at the arena.
TERRY FUNK & 2 COLD SCORPIO v. THE NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (with Dan Severn & Jim Cornette) in a non-title match - 2 Cold is listed as "T.C.S. FUNK" on the graphic - whatever. Cornette takes a headset and joins the commentary team. 2 Cold does lots of flips to escape Bob's moves, but we still get to see the FrankenHolly. Scorpio hits a powerbomb and a legdrop. Tag to Terry. Neckbreaker on Bombastic Bob. Chops (woooo!) Bob whips Terry into the ropes, Terry hits a shoulderblock. Funk with an elbow to the head. Bob with repeated kicks to the gut. Bob with punches and elbows and a tag to Bodacious Bart. Bart continues to punch away and Funk continues to swing wildly and miss. Tag to Bob. Armdrag into elbows. Snapmared over, Bob with a legdrop. Punch to the head. Kick to the head and a tag. Bart continues with elbows to the head. Whip, tag, doubleteam drop toehold into elbow drop. Bob and Terry butt heads and Funk does his wobbly legs routine. Both mean tag and Scorpio is a house afire. Punches in bunches, big clotheslines, spinning heel kick and Bart finally stops the momentum with a punch and a gutwrench esuplex. While Bart distracts referee "Blind" Jack Doan, Bob hits a piledriver. Two count on 2 Cold. Funk eats a piledriver trying to save his partner. Funk is thrown out and the Midnight Express drop Funk on the apron. Scorpio, meanwhile, has come to and does a tope over the ringpost to the floor on BOTH guys - wow! Scorpio with the 450 - on Bob's knees. Bob sits Scorpio on the top, and instead of getting a superplex, Scorpio throws him down and hits ANOTHER 450 for the pin. (7:04) Afterwards, Severn destroys T.C.S. Funk with a belly-to-belly and an armar, but it's ok 'cause they won the match.
Val Venis vignette - I'm just not in the mood.
Michael Cole interviews SABLE'S BREASTS (accompanied by Sable) - Cole parrots Luna's interview - normally I wouldn't want him to keep talking like that, but it IS keeping Sable from talking... "Michael, does THIS body look like it could humiliate me?...The truth is Luna could strip me of everything...as long as I get my hands on her, I don't care if I'm naked" (paraphrased). Jim Ross says the WWF pay-per-view will appeal to those of us tired of "predictable, old" cards.
Incidentally, 10-321 brings you Unforgiven: In Your House.
We see Paul Bearer & Kane exit the hearse..
Wanna raise some hell? With a limited edition "Hell Yeah" Tee? Buy the shirt! Wednesday on Access: Hollywood, Steve Austin will be featured!
Michael Cole interviews Vince McMahon. Asking about the conspiracy, McMahon suggests "Austin's seen too many Oliver Stone movies." Asking about the threat from Austin, Vince says "I was ready for him last week, and I'll still be ready for him."
Jim Ross says "Ric Flair country" just to tease us. See, the PPV will be in Greensboro, North Carolina, ok, ok.
TRIPLE H & THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS (with Chyna and X-Pac) v. OWEN HART & THE LOD TWO THOUSAND (with Spank-me - err, Sunny) - Mr. Ass and Owen start off. To the corner, no clean break, Gunn takes it to Hart. Whip, reversal, big back body drop from Hart, clothesline, hiplock, armdrag, reversal, reversal, wow it's fast. Tag to HHH. Hart does well enough until Helmsley exits the ring. Tag to the Road Dogg. Owen tags to Hawk. Hawk manhandles James, and we slow way down. James ends up in the wrong corner and gets a hair pull. Tag to Animal, armdrag but there's an eyepoke. Tag to Gunn who kicks away. Quick tag to HHH, big punches, high knee. Animal reverses a whip and hits a powerslam. Drop the elbow for 1. Animal with an arm drag. Wristlock and a kick. Tag to Owen, Helmsley quickly backs into his corner and we take an ad break.
When we come back, it's Gunn and Hart. Owen with a neckbreaker, and a legdrop for 2. Whip into the ropes, Owen puts his head down and receives a Rocker dropper. Tag to HHH. Big punches and kicks. All match, we have been hearing about how either Vince or Austin is looking for either Austin or Vince. NOW they're saying Vince is cooped up in a skybox with armed guards. Hart hits a Ghetto blaster on Helmsley - The Outlaws try to make the save, the LOD comes in, referee "Blind" Mike Ciota is distracted and Owen gets a DDT. James is in now, and he drops some knees but only gets 2. Into the corner, whip out. Clothesline by James. Tag to Gunn. Double team, Owen ducks the clothesline. Split-legged dropkick and they both go down. Owen nears the corner...and tags Animal. Gunn goes down, then James, then Helmsley. Animal is a house on fire! Now everybody's in. Now everybody's OUT except LOD and James - unfortunately, we aren't really looking at the Devastation (Doomsday?) Device as Chyna and X-Pac have trapped Sunny - Chyna puts her over her shoulder and I am distracted by the sight of the gibbous moon. Ciota, meanwhile, is trying to keep Hart and Helmsley, fighting on the outside (far away from any real action), apart. Anyway, in all this, Gunn hits a piledriver on one of the Road Warriors and the bad guys end up getting the pin instead. (11:24 if you count the ad break - probably shorter)
Kane & Paul Bearer reveal that they have apparently exhumed the Undertaker & Kane's parents...well. One casket still in the hearse, another casket is being rolled out.
The lights go out...and we hear Kane's music. JR says "through hellfire & brimstone" but doesn't really mean it. Two caskets are on the stage, on some sort of black pad - which leads me to think they're going to be set on fire (again?) - Paul Bearer says that since the Undertaker missed his parents' funeral, Bearer dug 'em up so that we could do it again, or something. The lights go out again. BONG... The Undertaker comes in through the crowd as Kane pours gas on a casket. Then, Bearer lights the casket on fire while Undertaker is chokeslammed into the other one - his mother's casket, they say. There's some - icky stuff in there with him. You know, bones and worms and shit.
Let us take you back to a few moments ago. That's ok.
Michael Cole reports that Kane & Bearer have immediately left the arena. Undertaker and the remains have been moved to a more secure spot. "The look on the Undertaker's face - I'll never forget it." Yeah, it was probably "Why the hell do I even take part in these ridiculous angles?"
Vince McMahon makes his way to the commentator's table and grabs a headset.
STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) v. DUDE LOVE - McMahon blames Love for interfering with McMahon teaching Austin a lesson. Rather than pay attention to this match, I'm actually drawn to McMahon's commentary, which is pinpoint, precise and outstanding. "I guarantee you something catastrophic will occur at Unforgiven or your money back." Vince goes on to promise to stay at ringside for part of the event. He also says it'd be great if Earl Hebner had recovered enough to ref the match. JR: "Vince McMahon, ringside, at a title match, with Earl Hebner the referee." Lawler: "Hey, why are you rolling your eyes JR?" Blackman and the Dued have dueling abdominal stretches, and when Dude Love puts his on - the bell rings out of nowhere?!? (3:56) Dude Love's music plays, Dude Love is announced as the winner - much to the surprise of referee Tim White *and* to the Lethal Weapon. After Blackman challenges timekeeper Mark Eaton to explain why he rang the bell, and after finding his explanataion less than satisfactory, Blackman drags him out and delivers a snap suplex on the mat. Vince breaks away from the commentary table to check on Eaton. Suddenly, Steve Austin appears and takes McMahon down HARD. Dude Love follows on Austin before the scuffle really gets good. Whilt they tussle, McMahon's in the ring and hopping mad. Somehow we end up with Austin delivering the Stone Cold Stunner to Jerry Brisco and Pat Patterson (who have appeared next to McMahon), and then after some more of an exchange with Dude Love, he follows after McMahon, who has walked to the back. JR: "Is Vince gonna screw Austin out of the title this Sunday night?"
In Your House: Unforgiven is SUNDAY! Take Vince up on his guarantee!