/27 April 1998
WWF RAW is WAR
One world leader attitude - WWF!
"Last night at Unforgiven, the prophecy was fulfilled" - in other words, don't look to get your money back, kids - "Vince is on his way to the arena" - the tease is, will he fire Stone Cold Steve Austin tonight?
LIVE, 27.4.98 from the Colesium in Hampton, VA, it's RAW! Your hosts are Jim Ross and Michael Cole.
Earlier in the day, D-generation X made a trek to the Norfolk Scope, site of the infamous competing WCW taping. We go to footage from in front of the Colesium, where the Furious Five are dressed up in fatigues, and with Triple H doing his Patton impersonation. We hear plans of an "attack" on the scope to take place. Boarding an army jeep, they drive off. JR promises footage of the assault later tonight. (OK, I failed to mention the strategic placement of bazookas - forgive me.)
KEN SHAMROCK & OWEN HART v. MARK HENRY & THE ROCK (with Kama Mustafa and D-Lo Brown) - Rocky seems unhappy with the "Rocky Sucks" chant, takes the mic, says "finally, the Rock is in Hampton" or words to that effect and - hmm, that's it. OK. Owen and Rocky don't lock up until a minute in - giving the commentators plenty of time to talk about DX and the upcoming footage. Shamrock tags in (STILL no contact yet), and - what the hell? Owen Hart hits a spinning heel kick on Shamrock! Ring the bell! (no decision 1:45) Hart grabs a chair while the nation works Shamrock over. Hart uses the chair to Pillmanize Shamrock's ankle. (Those of you with short memories - this is what Steve Austin did to explain Pillman's time off - he put his ankle in a chair and - ugh, it didn't look pretty on TV either). Steve Blackman runs in but the Nation takes him out in a four-on-one while Hart puts the Sharpshooter on Shamrock. The commentators hear a snap, but I hear an angle... Faarooq is on the scene, but he too falls victim to the Nation. After posing for boos on the top turnbuckle, Hart goes back and bites Shamrock's ear (and comes up with blood on his lips - double ugh).
OK, some of it makes sense. Shamrock is injured and needs the time off, so the angle way is as good a way out as any. But they really didn't get over Hart & Shamrock teaming up or WHY it would even happen in the first place. All you need to do is refer to Owen's post-match interview last night and say "he got himself a little backup," that's not much to ask. Anyway, whether or not Owen Hart actually joins the Nation of Domination (and I'd say that's unlikely, 'cause after all, the kid IS white) - Ladies and gentlemen, we have a heel turn. And not a moment too soon!
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Let us take you back to moments ago - the double cross, the low blow, the kick to the head, the heinous actions.
During the break, we see Faarooq and Blackman help Shamrock back to the back - and Shamrock is screaming something.
Time for the Love Shack - Dude is accompanied by two teeny-bikini'd, body painted and glittered, still fine lookin' anyway, women. Dude runs down last night's title match and praises Steve Austin a little bit, and HIMSELF a lot more - receiving boos. Dude was apparently so tired from the match, all he could ask the ladies to do was hold him. Dude puts the bad mouth on Steve Austin - saying he wanted to take the easy way out with a countout (except McMahon shamed him into coming back into the ring by challenging his manhood), and then, he took the easy way out by disqualifying himself by hitting Vince McMahon with a chair. Dude says we have three choices; one, find Shawn Michaels and hold a match between Dude and Michaels to determine the champ; two, a tournament with Dude as the #1 Seed; three, fire Austin, strip him of the belt, and hand it over to Dude.
Is a new manager on his way to the WWF? Call the WWF Superstar Line! Of course, if you visit wrestlemaniacs.com, you already knew the answer.
Footage from Norfolk. Hunter tries to get the fans waiting in line to say that WCW sucks - which, of course, doesn't work (duh). Hunter says that DX are the only ones man enough to "fire the first shot," so to speak - and we cut to a shot of - well, it looks like smoke coming from a turrett. Yee-haw. And with that, the first shot (symbolically, I guess) is fired in DX's war on WCW. We take a shot of the "WCW Monday Nitro" marquee - which, call me suspicious, but probably could have been taped ANY day, not necessarily today.
RAW is brought to you by Burst gums, and WWF: the Music (Volume 2) - buy it at Camelot and the Wall.
More footage from "Earlier today" - Helmsley and DX walk around and find a fan to say that DX rules professional wrestling.
THE HEAD BANGERS v. TERRY FUNK & SCORPIO - at least this week, he isn't "TCS Funk". Before we learn that this is a #1 tag contender's match, we cut to a shot of Vince McMahon's entrance with the Yes Men in tow. Back to the action: there's a handshake, and then when the Bangers turn their backs, the Funk Brothers attack. Mosh is thrown out and Thrasher is doubleteamed. Mosh comes back in with a top-rope double clothesline. All four men still in the ring. Three consecutive cltheslines to three different people and Trasher is left standing. He works on Funk while Mosh and Scorpio pair up. Thrasher hits a rocket launcher from the top rope to Scorpio, on the floor. While all three brawl on the outside, Terry Funk hits all three with a moonsault from the top rope to the floor (!) It's 2 Cold Scorpio's turn - plancha from the top to the floor on both Bangers. While everybody tries to recover, we get the great moves replayed in the double feature. All four men now back in, and they've paired up again - I guess it's a Texas Tornado match, too. In the mean time, referee "Fighting Irish" Tim White got shoved by somebody - I didn't catch it - and rings the bell (no contest? 3:15?) - meanwhile, they still fight - Scorpio with a cool moonsault - the Bangers with a doubleteam superplex/plancha combo - now all four on the outside, let's cut to some
More footage from earlier today - Hunter asks the crowd if they received any free tickets that WCW has to give out. Then X-Pac grabs the bullhorn mic and says "wassup" to Scott Hall and Kevin Nash while Triple H says "let my people go - let my people go!"
While they STILL attempt to separate the Funks and the Bangers, JR tells us that when we come back, Vince will make an appearance. Maybe we'll see this match again next week?
Cinn-a-Burst presents WWF Rewind - from last night, Austin hiplocks Dude Love from Sawyer Brown's stage to the cement floor.
Vince McMahon is walking a little slow to the ring - the ring announcer introduces him as "Mr. McMahon" - then Cole calls him that, too. Hmmm, is he related to Mr. Backlund? "Tonight, I come before you with a heavy heart. Over the last 24 hours, I have had to make some very difficult decisions, but personally I would like to clear up any speculation as to whom Stone Cold Steve Austin was trying to strike with that chair last night - the more naive and uninitiated among you might have thought it was Dude Love but I know that Stone Cold Steve Austin was trying to take my head off! (pop) As a result sof that brutal and blatant attack, I have sustatined a mild concussion - I have experienced dizziness and even nausea. But nonetheless, none of those side effects of the concussion have in any way clouded my judgement as I stand before you tonight. Should I fire SCSA? (Nooo!) Well, not yet. You see, firing you would be too good for you, Steve Austin because I have other plans, and those other plans are that right here, in this ring tonight, Stone Cold Steve Austin will defend the WWF Championship against Goldust! Right now, I would like to introduce to you, the official who will be refereeing this chapmionship match, live tonight on RAW - he's a former WWF tag team champion, family friend, a trusted official, and indeed a warm and caring human being - he is Gerald Brisco - Mr. Brisco" and out he comes. For those of you who haven't been paying attention, Brisco, along with Pat Patterson are the Yes Men, the Inner Circle, and JR plays this up. "Mr. Brisco, I would like to inform you and everyone else that's listening that if SCSA lays a hand - no, no, one finger on you tonight as the guest referee, Austin's contract will be termintated and it will mean the IMMEDIATE revocation of the WWF Championship. I ask you, will you be an impartial and unbiased official?" "Yes, sir, Mr. McMahon!" "Are you afraid of Stone Cold Steve Austin?" "Not under these circumstances." "Will you officiate this matchup in the time honored tradition of WWF referees?" "Yes sir, Mr. McMahon!" Vince goes on to mention that if Goldust were to go on and become the Champion, what kind of representative of the WWF would he make? "The truth is...ANYONE would be better than the Champion we have now." Brisco parts the ropes for McMahon as he exits the ring.
Backstage, we see Austin pacing and knocking things down. He's not happy.
More footage of DX in their jeep trying to get in. The New Age Outlaws knock on the door "All we want to do is talk to Eric Bischoff!" X-pac "since you couldn't call me on the phone!" - well, I guess they ARE at the Scope after all...
Last night at Unforgiven, Dubba J did a "great" job singing with Sawyer Brown (JR's quote - I guess he was ok, now that I think about it again) Afterwards, Steve Blackman spoiled everything by attacking Jarrett, and getting the best of him until Tennessee Lee used a guitar to regain the advantage.
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (without blinking outfit and horse but introduced by Tennessee Lee) v. (justin hawk) BRADSHAW - JR tells us that Dubba J will be on T Dubba N tomorrow night with Sawyer Brown. Bradshaw swings his bullrope and clears the ring. After the bell rings, we get a lockup and a big shoulderblock by Bradshaw. Jarrett couters with a nice dropkick, but Bradshaw rudely interrupts his strut and takes him to the corner. Jarrett tries to take down Bradshaw but Bradshaw is unaffected. Big boot by Bradshaw. Big kinfe edge chops that knock Jarrett down - whoops, there's Klub Kamikaze. (DQ? 1:15) They attack Bradshaw again - and this time, there's a fourth person, masked and carrying a paper fan - Taka Michinoku runs in and cleans house (Taka saves Bradshaw? Must be that element of surprise!) while everybody runs away. The masked guy actually lost his mask for a few seconds, but I bet I still don't recognize him when I go back and check the tape. And I guess now we won't have to spend any money on that Superstar line!
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Kevin Kelly interviews Dude Love, who is unhappy that Goldust is tonight's contender for the title. "He said he [Vince] wanted me to wear the tie-dyes, I wore the tie-dyes. He said he wanted me to beat Austin." Dude just happens to walk by McMahon and a bevy of officials and we listen in to Vince and Dude talking. When Dude says "Don't *screw* me!" Vince figures out Kevin is watching what's going on. "Get that camera off! Get that mic out of my face!" When Kelly protests, Vince says "I OWN that mic! I OWN that camera! Cut it off NOW!" Great performance by Vince.
Jerry Lawler joins Jim Ross at ringside.
Are you ready? Triple H, Chyna and X-pac, still in fatigues, arrive at ringside and Triple H does his best Michael Buffer impersonation - saying "Suck it" instead of "rumble." And with that, out come
NEW AGE OUTLAWS (with DX) v. DISCIPLES OF APOCALYPSE SKULL & 8-BALL (without those beautiful Titan bikes but with Chainz & LOD 2000 & Sunny) - NAO ride moto-scooters to ringside, to make fun of DOA. Of course, they're unhappy when they see Hawk & Animal covering the Disciples' backs. Now, I've seen three matches and NO finishes, so you think I'm going to fall for it again and try to give you a blow-by-blow? Let's cover the angles instead. JR complains that this is a nontitle match when Austin has to put HIS title on the line tonight. Lawler and Ross then go on to argue about why Lawler sticks up for McMahon (and conversely, why Ross sticks up for Austin). Lawler: "Hey, are you going to get a raise from Austin? Are you going to get career advancement from Austin?" Lacking a cogent argument, Ross drops it, but goes on to berate Helmsley, who is throwing stale one-liners Ross' way. Ross announces seat availability at an upcoming show, and Lawler reminds the fans that, unlike WCW, the seats ain't free. The end comes when Billy piledrives a DOA, but while his back is turned, gloating to the crowd, the twins do that sneaky twin switch thing. Gunn is surprised, and pinned. (3:30?) Well, ok, ONE pin out of four. And that's it for RAW.
We immediately go to the opening credits for the War Zone without an ad break. The War Zone is hosted by Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler and is closed captioned and probably en espanol sea disponible.
THE UNDERTAKER v. BARRY WINDHAM (with Jim Cornette and no entrance) - UT is wearing his "Jack of Spades" outfit. Tonight's title match is hyped before the lockup. Kick to the gut, right, right, whip, reverse, missed lariat, chokeslam, pickimup, tombstone, 1, 2, 3, thank you, drive through. (:59) Maybe THAT'S why we rarely see the guy wrestle on TV. Har, har.
UT gets a mic. "Kane - last night you looked into the eyes of the dragon and you got burned (the what?) but you see Kane, you wanted a fight with your brother - last night it wasn't the end, it was only the beginning, so what I want you to do right now is to come to ringside, and let's finish it! (pop) I'm not moving until you come out here Kane. And I, I have all of eternity to wait for you." Let's take an ad break and see if he's still waiting when we get back!
San Francisco/San Jose viewers: 15 May is the San Jose Arena's stop of the Don't Trust Anybody tour! Austin/Helmsley and UT/Kane have been announced.
The Castrol GTX slam of the week is Undertaker's tope over the top rope, and the fire, onto Vader and Kane.
Hey, look, he's still there! And, as if on cue, the lights go out...and Kane's music starts. Kane appears under the Titantron, complete with burn treatment on his right arm. Paul Bearer: "This has got to stop! This has all got to come to an end, Undertaker! It wasn't supposed to be like this! It was all my idea! You were the one that was supposed to burn in the flames! But my Kane, once again, had to suffer the pain and agony of the Inferno. It's not that he suffered enough - that poor three year old child sitting in the hospital bed - you're not the one that had to see him, I had to see him..." Bearer goes on to describe some gruesome burn treatment stuff I don't feel like taking down. "We've got to have a truce! It's got to stop, dammit! Last night, I tasted my own blood as it ran down my face, and when I looked up, I saw Kane, once again, on fire! I can smell the flesh! I can see his clothing! I can see the pain in his eye. Don't you understand? It was my SON whose hand was on fire!" Huh? Fade to black before we figure out whatever he just said.
Let us take you back to moments ago. Damn, he said it again!
JR and Lawler try to 'splain the ramifications. Lawler: "That must mean...Paul Bearer had to sleep with the Undertaker's mother!" I guess, also, he's Darth Vader.
Kevin Kelly interviews Goldust, who hardly gets out that we'll never forget his name (inhale here), before Dude Love attacks him. Luna tries to take out Love and fails. As they're separated...
Are you ready? DX once again makes it down to ringside. Triple H comes out and says that "Nobody kills my buzz! You got it, DOA? You made me hot and you're gonna get your ass kicked for it! You got any guts? Here's the European title!" 8-Ball is more than happy to come out - but before he makes it, Dan Severn comes out and enters the ring! Jim Cornette is pleading for Severn to not do it, and Severn is ignoring him, removing his coat and tie, then his shirt. Cornette is reminding him who's signing the checks. Of course, we all know the only way this can end - Cornette slaps Severn, and Severn, in turn, slaps a choke on Cornette. And chokes him out hardcore style. As Cornette passes out (Ross: Oh my God! Cornette is gone!), we take an ad break. Is that a face turn? Or did we just write out Cornette? I'm not sure.
Let us take you back to moments ago, where we see Severn make a neat face just before he snaps. As we see Cornette taken back to the back, it looks like his shoulder is dislocated, too.
Michael Cole interviews Steve Austin, who promises to give Vince McMahon gray hairs - and that he ain't gettin' rid of him.
Relive the memories with the WrestleMania XIV video package - complete with life-sized Steve Austin wall banner! Wow, only $44.95 + $9 S/H!
Val Venis vignette. He's coming to ... yeah, you know.
MARVELOUS MARC MERO comes to the ring. "You want SABLE? (Yeah!) You want Sable? (Yeah!) Well, so do I. Sable, get out here right now!" And out she bounces. "Last night, you accomplished your task, in front of the entire world, you humiliated me! Standing in the ring with nothing on but your little bra and panties. [Little?] You oughta be ashamed of yourself. You see what happens when the Marvelous one isn't in your corner?" "Yes, I saw what happened, and I liked it. In fact, I think all these people liked it too! But I know something they're gonna like even better, and that's when I put you in your place!" Mero wants to know what she'll do, beat him up? Sable says that she doesn't know, but she'll sure try. "Are you challenging me, the Marvelous one?" "You're damn right! Give me two weeks and I'll kick your ass in front of the entire world, right here on RAW!" I guess we have a reason to tune in to the next live RAW, then. Har har. Hopefully her broken toe will have healed by then, too (I must admit they do a great job of keeping us from knowing - or perhaps when watching her, walk, I'm not focused on her feet...but then, Sable probably has trouble checking her feet, too, if you catch my drift. Hey! I get one good cheap shot per report - it's in my contract with MiCasa! Quit complaining!)
Vince McMahon gives instructions to his special guest referee, Jerry Brisco. "Fair and square!" "Yes, sir, Mister McMahon!"
Let us take you back to earlier tonight, where we once again hear Vince and Jerry put on the big charade, and remind you that if Austin so much as lays a finger on Brisco tonight, it'll be curtains and a stripped title for Austin.
And with that, Gerald Brisco makes his way to ringside.
TAFKA GOLDUST (with Luna) v. STEVE AUSTIN for the WWF Championship - Ross lets us know that RAW will be live from Baltimore on the 11th of May, and live from Nashville on the 18th. Austin gives Brisco the finger. No sooner has Austin handed the belt to Brisco, then McMahon jogs out (hmm, he seems to have recovered from his nausea and dizziness!) and TAKES THE TIMEKEEPER'S place. Both combatants get near fall opportunities, and Brisco seems to have a consistent count - consistently slow. JR and Lawler are too busy ignoring the match and arguing with each other again. We tease Austin hitting Brisco, and Brisco points to his chin, DARING him to hit him. Goldust takes Austin down and Brisco's count gets faster. Goldust takes Austin to the corner and Brisco's five count to break the shenanigans is glacially slow. Both men go outside at the 3:30 mark, and Goldust takes Austin to the STEEL steps. McMahon reminds Brisco that a countout won't do here. Goldust goes out and Austin whips him into the railing. Brisco pulls Austin off of Goldust. Goldust hits a blatant low blow but Brisco apparently can't see right in front of him. Back in the ring. Goldust has a chinlock on - Vince is poised, hammer above bell, he wants to ring the bell but waits. Brisco picks up Austin's hand to see if it will fall - and gets a bird for his troubles. Austin punches back but eats a lariat. Ross lets us know that Shamrock's preliminary diagnosis is several broken bones. Both men are down and McMahon makes sure Brisco slows the KO count. Goldust for 1. Back up they both go, Goldust tries a bulldog but Austin slips off the hold and hits a clothesline. Thesz press and punches in bunches by Austin. Whip, reverse, sleeper by Goldust, McMahon has a big grin. Austin with a low blow (missed by Brisco) and a STUNNER! Austin hits the Stunner! Brisco takes a look from all angles to make sure Goldust's shoulders are down......1..........2.........oh, no! He's got something in his eye and has to stop the count! Must be time for some angle development - as if on cue, Dude Love comes in and Brisco lets it go. Dude throws Austin out, then follows. They brawl on the outside, not forgetting to use the commentator's table. Brisco finally separates Austin from Dude. Brisco holds up Austin while McMahon comes at him with the WWF Title belt - but Austin ducks, and McMahon FLOORS Brisco! (no contest 8:40?) - Brisco is bleeding badly from the hit (damn, how'd they do that? Hope it's not real) and we're out of time!