I GET LETTERS: Michael Thomas writes:
You mentioned [last week] that the Godfather told one of the
members of DX that "pimpin' ain't easy", you then made the comment
"isn't that an Ice-T song?" I must inform you that originally it
was a Big Daddy Kane song, give the man some credit.
I humbly issue a public apology to Big Daddy Kane. Believe me, I know what
it's like to be involved in one of those East Coast/West Coast rap wars,
and I just want to stay out of it.
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
No recap! Straight to the opening credits. RAW is rated TV-PG-V and is
closed captioned for the hearing impaired (what'd you say?). Airing on
20.7.98 from - well, they never said, but regular Wrestlemaniacs.com
readers will recognise the Broome County Arena in Binghamton, NY (taped
14.7); also, it's en espanol sea disponible. Weird...the fireworks take
place with a War Zone logo on the Titantron.
Returning to recent tradition, we start off the show with a very special
appearance by VINCENT K. You know, I've been thinking about it - and I
think that McMahon has basically turned himself into Bob Backlund (insists
on being called "Mr.," extensive vocabulary, etc. Think about it!)
"Tonight is a night for reflection. Tonight is a night for showing proper
respect for your fellow man. And tonight is a night for retribution if
you don't - so with that in mind, let us refelct upon recent events
involving the individual who wil team up with Stone Cold this Sunday - let
us refelct on the now #1 contender, the Undertaker. Firstly, let's take
you back and show you this footage as to how the UT BECAME #1
Let Us Take You Back to footage from two weeks ago, where Kane
pins Mankind - but removes the mask to reveal himself as the Undertaker.
"Now I don't know about you, but I have to ask myself, where was Kane that
night? Did the Undertaker have him locked up somewhere? Did the
Undertaker decide to go down to the Sears menswear store and say "I'll
have a Kane suit, please?" Did the Undertaker work in conjunction with
his brother Kane? How did that happen? I simply asked that question last
Monday on RAW. Take a look."
Let Us Take You Back to footage from last week. "Are you in cahoots with
your brother Kane?" "You can go to hell."
"Let's continue on upon our refelections - in a stroke of genius it came
to me - I'd find the answer last Monday - I would order indeed a rematch
of the Tag Team title match in which the Outlaws would once again face
Mankind & Kane, HOWEVER I would have two enforcers on the outside of the
ring, in addition to the regular referee - one enforcer being the
Undertaker and the other being Stone Cold. Now let's take a look and show
you what happens now when Kane is about to be pinned 1, 2, 3 by the Road
Dog, watch what happens when Austin tries to count to three."
More clips from last week. Undertaker pulls Austin away.
"Anyone getting my drift? All right, let's continue on with the
reflections, then. The Road Dog was about to be pinned, the Undertaker
decided to count his brother to VICTORY! Take a look."
More clips. Yep, looks like Vince - he speak truth.
"And then there was just one more piece of evidence if you will. We had,
after that situation, Undertaker and Austin, face to face. What was going
to happen? We were going to have an explosion, but watch what happens -
Undertaker's brother Kane WIPES out Austin. Look."
Clip of Kane waffling Austin and applying the beatdown.
"And now here to answer my question, one last opportunity to answer my
question, is he, the Undertaker, in cahoots with his brother Kane? I give
you THE UNDERTAKER."
And here he comes, for the first of his eight entrances tonight (if last
week serves any indication). They do the stare thing. "I'm disappointed
in you. We've just seen the reflections, now let's talk about respect.
Because when you answered me when I asked you the question about being in
cahoots, (he turns away) and you told me to go to hell, and quite frankly,
what you did was, you - you hurt my feelings. To be humiliated publicly
by someone that I'm responsible for giving the opporutiny for super
stardom - that didn't make me feel good at all. So therefore let's talk
about respect. If in fact you are to be the Champion you can be, if
you're gonna be the Champion you really want to be, one for the ages,
you're going to start having to show respect for the peoper people. Let
me tell you something, you can't do it alone, you can't do it just with
the support of these people. You need ME. Last week, your actions were
disrespectful, disparaging, and insolent. And I won't take it ANYMORE.
[They're almost nose to nose] You've got to learn to show the proper
respect, and if you do, you won't be a flash-in-the-pan Champion like
Stone Cold Stever Austin is destined to be. Just listen to reason. So
therefore, Undertaker, I ask you one last time. Are you and your brother
Kane in cahoots?" Still not looking at him. "ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!"
Undertaker slowly turns to face Mcmhaon. "All right, okay, have it your
way then, let's talk about retribution then, all right? For those
uninitiated, retribution is revenge. And if you are to learn a lesson and
to be a Champipon of the ages, sometime you have to learn the hard
lessons, and you've gotta learn the hard way and believe me, with what I'm
about to teach you, it'll hurt me just as much as it's gonna hurt you
'cause I don't want to do this. You're forcing me to do this, but by God,
if you're gonna be the Champion I think you can be, then you're gonna
learn a lesson tonight. In this very ring tonight, Undertaker, you're
over in this corner, and in the other corner will be both Mankind and your
brother Kane, ding ding ding. Now Undertaker, you may take your leave...I
said leave...ahh, wait a minute. Just before you go. Just one thing I
want to get off my chest, it's what you said to me last Monday.
Undertaker, (trademark McMahon growl) *you can go to hell*." Well, that's
enough. Chokeslam for McMahon. Out run the cronies. Chokeslam for
Patterson! Chokeslam for Brisco! Chokeslam for Slaughter! Away he
walks...while McMahon holds his neck.
Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler, who provide commentary. The
Musketeers walk off, none too happy. McMahon actually slips once, and
blames it on Patterson - he gets a kick.
Backstage shot of the NATION. One of them will take on Hunter for the
European title - right now?
HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY (with Chyna) v. UNKNOWN NATION MEMBER for the WWF
European Championship - Fortunately, before we find out the opposition, we
get to hear Helmsley do his "hilarious" Michael Buffer impersonation, with
the crowd chanting along. He does add "...and for one fat ring announcer
in a black hat" after "for the thousands here in attendance, and the
millions watching around the world." Man, I'm just on the edge of my seat
wondering who gets a shot at the prestigious *European Title*! An ad
break? SURE, I'll HAPPILY stay tuned through an ad break!
You tell me if that quarter hour banged the ratings. (Hint: It was up
against Eric Bischoff's "NWO Late Hour" - makes it a tougher call, doesn't
RAW is brought to you by "WWF: The Music Volume 2" (Goody got it!),
1-800-COLLECT, and Acclaim's WWF: War Zone.
HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY v. D-LO BROWN (with the Rock and a flak jacket) -
well, the odds of a new champ just plummetted with designated punching bag
D-Lo Brown getting the shot. Lockup, Brown throws him down and climbs the
ropes for the fourth time in this brief contest. "You betta recognise!"
Yeah, I recognise a chump. Lockup, Hunter paintbrushes him, but D-Lo
knocks him down again - then climbs the ropes AGAIN. Finally Helmsley hits
a clothesline and knocks down Brown. We are reminded that it's title vs.
title between the Rock and Helmsley Sunday at Fully Loaded. They're
trading blows, nope, whip - Pedigree attempt is squirmed out of. Brown
talk to the crowd and turns around to eat a clothesline and fall out of the
ring. After the Rock helps him out, Brown gets up - but Chyna is behind.
After a staredown - Brown takes a swing a Chyna, who ducks and hits a punch
of her own, KO'ing Brown. Now we're back in the ring and it's all Helmsley
(wotta shock!) Brown ducks a clothesline and hits a Pearl River Plunge (!)
for 2. Brown takes Helmsley to the corner and punches away. After referee
"Blind" Jim Korderas breaks it up and moves Brown away, the Rock gets a
shot in on his own. Brown with a high knee for 2. Hard right. Whip and
clothesline follow. Brown poses and does a crotch chop, but relinquishes
control of the match, taking a knee, some other things, and a clothesline
for 2. Rights to the back of the head by Triple H. Suplex attempt is
successful. Helmsley sets up for a running knee, stopping to crotch chop
first - whoops, the Rock tripped up Helmsley. This brings Chyna over to
dispose of the Rock. Meanwhile Helmsley hits a powerslam. Now MARK HENRY
is out - Chyna's after HIM. Ref is out to break up Henry and Chyna (why?)
- oh, so the Rock can take Helmsley out of the Pedigree he's putting on
Brown - ROCK BOTTOM on Helmsley! Great Caeser's ghost - ref is in - 1, 2,
3!!!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new European Champion! And
D-Lo's eyes somehow open up even wider than mine are as he takes the belt.
(6:05) I guess I take back everything I said about D-Lo Brown being a
jobber. From now on, I'll only refer to the Godfather that way.
Backstage, the Nation celebrates. Owen Hart actually kisses Brown.
WWF Sunday Night Heat premieres 2 August! I wonder who's going to write
that report for WrestleManiacs?
Backstage, Helmsley promises that the Rock won't leave without his
QUEBECOIS PIERRE v. DR. DEATH STEVE WILLIAMS in a BRAWLforALL match - hey
look, there's Dr. Death! Let's cut to a split screen of BARRY SWITZER for
no good reason, talkin' 'bout Dr. Death. Again, referee Jack Doane plays
the part of Danny Hodge. Round 1 - Williams with an instant takedown.
Pierre's punches aren't landing. Another takedown. Doane is announcing
points this time to make it easier for us to follow along. After one
round, replays seem to support Williams being in front - unofficial score
is 15-5. Round 2 looks like Williams again. At one point, Williams
actually eggs on Pierre, who swings but Williams ducks it. Standing eight
count at the end of the round. Replay of some vicious punches to the back
of Pierre's head. Unofficial score is now 35-5. Round three seems like it
should be coasting time for Williams but he's still a house afire. I think
he wants the knockout, but Pierre is taking the punishment - another
standing eight count. I missed it - either Doane stopped the match JUST
before it ended, or
Let Us Take You Back To Last Week - where VAL VENIS premieres scenes from
hit new video, "Land of the Rising Venis."
Oh, YAMAGUCHI-SAN and KAIENTAI are out, along with KYOKO (?), his wife.
Yamaguchi is incensed, and promises to dole out some punishment (which he
spells out, and I almost thought that when he spelled out "P-U-N-I-S..." it
was something else. She parts the ropes for all four men and then we're
going to experience the Crawl of Shame - where she drops to her knees, and
supposedly crawls under his legs and gets paddled. I say "supposedly,"
because of course VAL VENIS comes out and grabs the paddle, then uses it
across the chest of most of the Kaientai members until they scatter. Then
he helps Yamaguchi's wife out of the ring - and walks out carrying her in
his arms, honeymoon threshhold style. She's all smiles, he's all smiles -
yep, they're off to do some big time lovemakin', I'm sure. Cue the Barry
White, ohhhh yeah. Can't get enough of your love, babe. Remember, kids,
adultery is *O.K.* if the husband is an EVIL JAPANESE GUY!
And now, the Skittles Slam of the Week - Earlier tonight on RAW, the
Undertaker's chokeslam of the Fearsome Foursome.
SKULL (with 8-Ball, Paul Ellering and Those Beautiful Titan Bikes but
without Chainz) v. ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL (by his damn self?) - Animal keeps
looking back - so the DOA and Ellering leave the ring and punk him from
behind. While Skull & 8-Ball have Animal on the ramp and are makin' a
wish, Ellering fires up his bike to run over him - but HAWK is *finally*
out to try to even the score. It doesn't work, of course, Animal's already
out cold, so the DOA turn to Hawk and take him out, too. No contest - and
that's the way we likes it!
SummerSlam Countdown: "Highway to Hell" will be heard for SIX more weeks!
This is like the third different logo they've used during this countdown,
by the way.
Skittles brings you Fully Loaded. If you eat enough Skittles, will you
GET Fully Loaded?
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (presented by Tedoublenedoublesdoublee Ldoublee
and Southern Justice) v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh - now
appearing in a theatre near you!) - hey, this must be the MILLIONTH time
we've seen this match - as clips of previous guitar shots seem to attest.
Blackman walks back before entering the ring. Jarrett demands a forfeit,
but before we get a chance, Blackman returns - with DAN SEVERN and KEN
SHAMROCK in tow. Jarrett jumps Blackman anyway to start the match- gotta
admire that. Blackman quickly takes control - Jarrett quickly exits the
ring and reenters. Lots of them martial arts kicks from Blackman. Jarrett
gets control long enough to make that "thinking" pantomime, then absorb
another clothesline from his opponent. Repeated 2 counts by Blackman.
Hart/Shamrock from the Hart basement is a match Sunday, with Severn as ref.
Ross takes another implied shot at WCW with his "nobody does PPV like the
World Wrestling Federation" spiel. Meanwhile, Blackman hits a kick to the
chest out of nowhere and CLEANLY PINS Jarrett! Whoa. (2:10) We cut to
OWEN HART, who has appeared to whip Shamrock into the STEEL steps, and then
run away. Blackman is out to help - Severn walks over, straightens his
tie, and walks away. That's cool of him.
Michael Cole, backstage, attempts to interview the Undertaker about his
upcoming match - problem is he won't stop walking - walking - out of the
building - Undertaker has left! Won't he wrestle in that totally unfair
handicap match later tonight? Apparently not.
Let Us Take You Back to moments ago - where Undertaker left. Michael Cole
says all Undie said was "I'll see you Sunday at Fully Loaded(tm)."
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN hits the ring to be interviewed by Jim Ross.
During his entrance, RAW ends and the War Zone begins. It's rated TV-PG-V
too! Austin quickly dispenses with Ross by commenting about his bad
breath, and then wonders aloud if in the giant main event of the big
pay-per-view, if he is truly teaming with Undertaker against Mankind &
Kane, or if he's just going to have to compete against all three men. Then
he muses that Undertaker left the building to screw Vince McMahon. Of
course, this brings out McMahon, flanked by his Three Wise Men. If
Undertaker won't do the match, well then Austin can take his place. Austin
demurs, and McMahon says that if he follows the Undertaker down that
highway, then he'll have no choice but to strip Austin of the title.
Austin changes his mind, then promises that afterwards, he'll go backstage
and beat the sht out of McMahon. So there's a new main event
tonight. It'll probably change three more times before 2250, so stay tuned!
Austin 3:16 jersey - sure it LOOKS cool, but is it REALLY worth $48.99?
(Don't write me back saying "hell yeah" - that was a rhetorical question,
see. And you're nuts.)
Let Us Take You Back to Jason Sensation's performance from last week, where
he imitates everybody until Owen Hart gives him a manly beatdown.
WHINY BITCH OWEN HART (with the Nation) v. FAAROOQ - Let Us Take You Back
to Earlier Tonight where Hart took out Shamrock, just for fun. Hey lookee
here, it's Faarooq come back to Monday Night RAW and he actually seems to
have lost a little weight in the meantime and in-between time. It's all
Faarooq at the start, culminating in a backbreaker for 2. Faarooq ends up
putting his head down and Hart executes a swinging neckbreaker. Now it's
all Hart. Crowd is chanting "Owen's a nugget" (according to Ross). Back
to Faarooq for 2. Hart comes back for 2 and throws an "I'm no nugget!" to
the crowd to boot. Hart with a Boston Crab - Faarooq POWERS out (right)
and punches away. Whip into the ropes, Faarooq puts his head down for the
THIRD time and hits the canvas. Owen grabs the mic. "Hey why don't you
shut your mouth, I'm not a nugget!" Man, that's OLD SCHOOL heat. Owen
with the enziguiri for 2, and now he's back to egging on the fans. Faarooq
is up, but he's just a punching bag here. No, wait! Faarooq with a
powerslam! Only 2. Faarooq with a hard right and Owen goes down. The big
sitdown - another meets a knee in a sensitive area. Owen with a jumping
elbow drop . As the "nugget" chant intensifies, Hart hits a missile
dropkick and kips up. Whip into the ropes, Faarooq catches Hart in a
spinebuster. Bodyslam by Faarooq. Faarooq to the second rope! Legdrop
misses. Sharpshooter is on - Faarooq taps out. (5:15) Soon after the
winner is announced - out comes KEN SHAMROCK and the chase is on, and out
through the crowd. I guess the Nation left soon after the match started
and I wasn't paying attention, or else they'd protect Hart from that crazy
Backstage, PAUL BEARER promises that Undertaker ISN'T on their side, and
they really wanted that shot at him. But Mankind is happy that it IS
Austin - he's looking at the tooth-for-a-tooth angle...Kane is
MARVY MARC MERO and JACQUELINE walk out. Let Us Take You Back to last
week's exciting crotch shot of Jacqueline perpetrated by Sable. Big
"Sable" chant. "Doesn't she look MARVELOUS?" "Hey Sable, I got something
to tell ya girlfriend..." well, the upshot is Jackie's giving Sable a
chance to give up now, and raise her hand in victory. Out comes SABLE in a
dress that is the textbook definition of "frumpy." Sable: "You ain't
nuthin' BUT a tramp!" She hits the ring. Words are exchanged, the dress
is removed - well, you've seen it all before, right? The twist to this
segment is that while we're all watching Sable walk away (admiring
her...uh...hair, yeah, that's it - and her collarbone. Certainly not her
ass, no sir, nope.), EDGE makes an appearance to deliver "the downward
spiral" on Mero, and then run away through the crowd. Well, I hope they
show it to us after the break, 'cause *I* sure didn't see it! Some words I
failed to transcribe during this segment: skank, sow, ho, Sable saying her
body kept people "up all night" (yep, that's pretty buoyant of her to say
that), and some other Springer-type excitement.
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where Jackie removes the dress,
revealing black "underwear," - sure enough, Edge drops Mero.
Out comes SHAWN MICHAELS to kill some time with an entrance. Hey, nobody
told ME that the WWF was at the Cow Palace this Saturday! I'll be missing
THAT one, too. Grumble. Also, Owen Hart will be at the Arco Arena in
Sacramento on Saturday. A busy Saturday in my neck of the woods - is there
an upcoming RAW taping at the Arco Arena? Am I just killing time myself
until something happens on the show? Possibly. Michaels joins the
commentators for the final half hour.
Let's see some highlights of "Earlier Tonight" and SCORPIO and 8-BALL in a
BRAWLforALL. Probably wisely, they show us highlights instead of the
entire match. Round 1 showed 8-Ball with some huge punches. Round 2
showed Scorpio switching to takedowns and meeting with some success. Round
3 gave the impression that Scorpio beat up a winded 8-Ball but who can say
with the brief glimpses they showed us. Anyway, Scorpio was the victor by
Backstage interview has THE ROCK (flanked by the Nation - D-Lo is polishing
his European title) promising that there's no way X-Pac will win HIS title.
Hey, now that it's not title vs. title, why not just blow both of them in
one night? Naah.....
And now, JVC Kaboom!Box presents the JVC Kaboom! of the week - X-Pac's
faceslam on the Rock, for a pinfall in last week's tag team match.
THE ROCK (with the Nation and a big ass "Rocky sucks" chant) v. X-PAC (with
D-Generation X) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship - whoops, this is
more like a 3 on 5 match (Jesse James got the night off, apparently) - all
the refs come out and we just need about an ad break's worth of time to get
things settled down here.
When we come back, it's apparently just starting - and everybody's left -
check that, CHYNA is back out. Quick reminder: Helmsley/Maivia is 2 out
of 3 falls on Sunday, and may be for the IC title. Lockup, whip,
shoulderblock and X-Pac goes down. To the ropes, leapfrog, X-Pac with a
clothesline and a crotch shot. To the corner, X-Pac misses and dives into
the corner. The Rock with a clothesline for 2. Big right fro the Rock.
Choke on the ropes. A couple more punches from Rocky. X-Pac chops back
but the Rock with the whip, X-Pac ducks, chop, punch, punch, whip,
reversal, hot shot by the Rock. Leg hooked - 1, 2, no. Rocky pulls him
back up - and tosses him out of the ring through the ropes. Maivia follows
and now Chyna is distracting referee "Blind" Tim White - so the Rock drops
X-Pac across the barricade. Back in we go, 1, 2, no. Chinlock is applied.
Ross says no more commercial breaks and we're at the final quarter hour.
X-Pac powers up and elbows out. He flies off the ropes - but Rocky
reverses into a Samoan Drop for 2. Swinging neckbreaker by the Rock for 2.
Back to the chinlock, crowd brings X-pac to his feet, and X-pac punches
out, runs the ropes, ducks an elbow but gets a punch. Scoop slam by Rocky
- must be time for the People's Elbow. 1, 2, no! Whip, duck, kick to the
gut - faceslam! That's the move he won with last week, but the Kid is out
of gas. Count is on. At 4, X-Pac covers but only gets 2. Both men still
on their knees - X-Pac is up first while the Rock makes it to the corner.
Must be time for the bronco buster (yeehaw!). Whip, reversal, to the
corner, elbow, run, reversal into a powerslam for 2. While th Rock argues
the count, X-Pac is recovering. Rocky runs at X-Pac, who ducks and dumps
him over the top rope. Now X-Pac is holding his knee and geting White's
attention. Looked like Chyna was up to waffle Rocky with the title belt -
and sure enough, it happens. Payback for earlier tonight? 1, 2, NO!!!!!
Everybody in the crowd can't believe it. X-Pac is in the corner - Rocky
stalks him and punches are flying. Head to the turnbuckle. Whip,
reversal, White gets clotheslined by Rocky. X-Pac with a spinning heel
kick. D-LO BROWN is out from the crowd to hit the Lowdown - no! HUNTER
HEARST HELMSLEY follows and crotches Brown. No Triple H has Maivia -
Pedigree! X-Pac covers - 1, 2, wait! Referee Jim Korderas is out to stop
White's count! The bell rings (9:48) and the Rock is announced the winner
by disqualification! Chyna is more than happy to knock out Korderas. Now
Helmsley's back on the Rock, now the rest of the NATION is out, now the
rest of DX is out. Now a semi full of WWF officials is out.
You know, it's probably just coincidence that the referee who stopped THIS
match is the same one that had no problem counting a pinfall against
Helmsley to take away HIS title -
Whoops, apparently I should be paying attention to DX's celebration in the
ring (they're celebrating - what now?) Hunter Hearst Helmsley convinces a
comely young lass to show us her tits. Well, that's not a bad consolation,
KANE & MANKIND v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN in a Texas Tornado Handicap match
- Ross hypes Code Red, where Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon will be
appearing. Anybody gonna watch this and report on it for us? Kane does
that neat trick with the fire and the turnbuckles. Ross says "hell" to
spike the ratings. Austin pastes Mankind with his title belt on the way to
the ring. Austin is all fists a-flyin' but it only takes about twenty
seconds for the Tag Team Champions of the World to beatdown Austin and take
control. Kane whips Mankind into Austin, but Austin clotheslines them
instead. Now Kane and Austin are outside the ring. Kane meets the STEEL
steps. Back in to take out Mankind. 1, 2, no. A little more of this and
Austin is tasting the Mandible claw! Outside the ring they go, Mankind
puts it on again, Austin backs Mankind into the post. Kane accidentally
hits his partner. Now Kane and Austin are in the ring. Thesz press on
Kane! Now Mankind is tripping Austin outside, they're back out again.
Mankind is introduced to the barricade, now all three man are in the ring
and Kane is working on Austin. Austin ducks, tries for the Stunner, but
Kane pushes Austin into Mankind. And now THE UNDERTAKER has returned -
with a chair. But whose side is he on? Is he in cahoots already? Austin
is in the corner and Kane has his foot on Austin's throat. Undertaker is
apparently in Austin's corner and this has become a reg'lar tag taem match.
On the outside, Austin takes a VICIOUS shot from Paul Bearer's...shoe.
Yeah, right. Back in the ring again, it's Austin and Mankind on the
inside, and Kane and his brother awaiting tags. Mankind misses in the
corner, and Austin fires back with punches. Whip, reversal, duck, kick to
the gut, Stone Cold Stunner, Kane breaks the count. Austin punches away at
Kane, but he reverses a whip. While attempting a chokeslam, Austin kicks
in a private area several times - Austin and Kane near the Undertaker's
corner - Undertaker lifts the chair - and swings - Kane is hit but Austin
was ducking! Who was he aiming for? Is he in cahoots? Anyway, the bell
rings (DQ? 4:55) and Austin manages to get the chair and hit all three men
before exiting with his music a-playin' and the fans a-cheerin'.
Anybody else wondering where Steven Regal went?
See you this Sunday when I plan to get FULLY LOADED! Although Fresno is
within driving distance, the BEST set in the house is IN YOUR HOUSE!