/10 August 1998
WWF RAW is WAR
Mankind roams the bowels of the building with a chair. He's out looking
for the truth. I liked it when he rode the shopping cart ("Whee!"). I'm
guessing that truth involves the Undertaker, his brother Kane, and either
"collusion" or "cahoots."
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
TV-PG-V "LAST WEEK" - scenes of Austin being beaten by the Nation while Undertaker turns his back to go after Kane. Undertaker tombstones Owen Hart, then Mankind attacks, then Kane comes in with a chair. Mankind gets chaired by both Mankind (accidentally?) and Undertaker (on purpose?). Scenes from last night's "Sunday Night Heat" show Kane taking out Mankind - whoops, check that, it's Undertaker, once again in Kane's outfit. DAMN is the sound turned down at the USA Network or what?
Opening title. This show is close-captioned and the way the sound is going I FEEL like I'm hearing impaired!
Fireworks! We're LIVE at Unnamed Arena in Omaha, Nebraska 10.8.98 and MANKIND is on his way to the ring! "I'm tired of being lied to. I'm tired of being deceived. All I'd like is THE TRUTH! And I've finally realised as much as it sometimes hurts that there is only one man who has ever really given me the truth. And it's not you, Uncle Paul. There's only one person that has truly given me the bottom line. And it's not Steve Austin. So I would like to bring that man out here right now - Mr. McMahon! Where are you? I need your help!" Who *didn't* think it was VINCENT K.? "Don't leave me hangin' out here Vince, I need your help, I need the truth, I need Vince McMahon. I'll beg if I have to!" And there he is. He looks a little nonplussed. "Quicker Vince quicker!" Of course, the fans chant "Austin" because they have nothing better to do. "Help me please." He offers the mic to McMahon and Vince finally takes it. "How humiliating this must be for you, to invite me, Vince McMahon out here to help you find the truth? Imagine that, me, Vince McMahon, helping you. I detest people who need help. I loathe people like you who rely on pillars of strength like me just to get you through the day! The mere sight of the infirmed and the invalids makes my stomach turn." Well, there go the humanitarian awards. "But you, Mick Foley, Mankind, Dude Love, Cactus Jack, whoever the hell you are - you're a special case, aren't you, 'cause I know you. You didn't invite me out here to help you, did you? You invited me out here to hurt you. And hurt you I will. Because when I tell the truth, the truth hurts, doesn't it? And last week on RAW, when your partner, Kane, rared back with the steel chair, he could've either struck the Undertaker or you - it was no accident that chair collided with your head, no. As far as the truth is concerned, when the Undertaker, snatched that chair from Kane last week on RAW, the Undertaker could have obliterated his brother - he chose not to - he annihilated you. And think about it, Mick, think about it. Just last night on Sunday Night Heat the Undertaker disguises himself as Kane. The truth is, it might as well have been Kane himself, because you see, the Undertaker and Kane are in collusion, not just against you, not just against Stone Cold Steve Austin, but against every superstar on the entire WWF roster. You see, what I'm saying is that Kane and the Undertaker are one and the same-" BANG! The lights go out and the pillars of fire alight - and out come KANE and PAUL BEARER. Mankind actually seems to defend Vince with the chair. Paul Bearer: "Excuse me, Mankind, for just a moment if you would. For once Vince McMahon, you're gonna listen to the fat man! It's true that you may very well be the big manipulator, the puppeteer of the World Wrestling Federation - it's true you may be able to get into Mankind's mind, but I'll be DAMNED if you'll get in my mind or my son's mind! Just think for one damn minute, McMahon - you have a son. How would you feel if somebody stepped into your house and tried to poison his mind like you've been doing to my son - I've stood by for twenty years and watched my boy suffer, and I'll be DAMNED TO HELL if I'll let you ruin it! I've been here seven damn years, and I've made a lot of money thanks to you, and I don't need you anymore, me and Kane can hit the road right now as far as I'm concerned - but that'd probably make you happy wouldn't it?" "Are you finished? Are you - finished venting your spleen? Listen, the truth is - the truth is..." Vince's face turns ashen. "The truth is THAT'S NOT YOUR SON! THE TRUTH IS, THAT'S A SONUVABITCH! THAT'S YOU, UNDERTAKER! I CAN SMELL THE STENCH OF DEATH ON YOUR BREATH! THAT'S YOU, UNDERTAKER!" And I have to admit, I thought it was Undertaker myself. "You either take that mask off or I'll RIP it off for you - right now! I said take it off!" Paul tries to stop McMahon, who's swearing and lunging for the mask - the lights go out and we switch to the long shot - when the lights come back up, THE UNDERTAKER is holding McMahon in a choke - Mankind slugs away while Paul Bearer walks around until Undertaker can give HIM a shot - McMahon runs away. Paul cries "It's not true!" and leads Mankind away.
Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler, who provide all commentary. Tonight's main even is a four corners tag team title match between Austin & Undertaker, Mankind & Kane, the Outlaws, and the Nation. Also tonight, a joint press conference between Val Venis and John Wayne Bobbitt (I can't make this up), and a possible DX breakup (yeah right).
This quarter hour was competing against a Hogan interview - a tough call to see who wins it, unfortunately.
Backstage, Undertaker walks through a door to a dressing room - and Kane appears to be standing inside.
SABLE comes to the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen, being accompanied to the ring tonight by the Oddities, I give you - LUNA!" Yep, there's KURRGAN, GIANT SILVA, GOLGA, and PRINCESS LUNA TUNES, coming to the ring to Insane Clown Posse's "Freakshow." The giants are wearing Hawaiian cabana shirts this week. They're faces now, you know. And if you missed when THAT happened, you're with me, baby. Luna and Jacqueline will wrestle NEXT!
JACQUELINE (with Marvy Marc Mero and a Big Ass Trophy) v. LUNA TUNES (with Golga, Kurrgan, Giant Silva, Sable, and Sable's chest) - clip from last week shows Luna beating Jacqueline with a bouquet of roses while Kurrgan sings "You Don't Bring Me Flowers." Well, maybe not that last part. It's a hairpulls aplenty match, so let's watch Marc Mero up on the apron. Sable pulls him off. When Mero turns to face Sable, Kurrgan approaches Mero until he thinks better of it. Luna hits a Thesz press, which is like a wrestling move. Back to the punching. Jacqueline with the hairpulls and Luna with the athletic flips. Knee to the crotch (does that hurt women or turn them on?) by Jackie. Jackie to the top rope - whoops, time for the now-World Famous Sable-crotches-Jackie-on-the-rope spot. Luna with a swinging neckbreaker (another wrestling move!) and a splash to - Jackie's hair? Whatever pin. (2:25) Sable gives Luna the Bikini Contest trophy, which Luna accepts with smiles and tears. Silva and Kurrgan put Luna on their shoulders. Ross makes me physically ill by saying "The Oddities - they feel wanted! They feel good about themselves! ...thanks to Sable!"
MICHAEL KING COLE stands in front of a door.
"Highway to Hell" promo for SummerSlam shows Undertaker and Austin - WALKING. It's damn exciting, let me tell you. No, no, this is actually a pretty damn good promo, don't let my sarcasm convince you otherwise. It's just...well, my spider sense is tingling about tonight's show...
A limo has pulled up - the Outlaws are in it, but no other DX folks.
DARREN DROZDOV v. SAVIO VEGA in a BRAWLforALL match - Droz advances by virtue of his draw with Hawk, and the fact that Hawk belongs in the Betty Ford Clinic. Vega, of course, demolished Brakus. Savio gets a takedown but the ref doesn't award the points. Savio's bald now, by the way. Droz is almost bald - he's got a goofy ponytail and that's it. The first round is boring and the unofficial scoring gives it to Droz because he's white and they're racist. Droz lands some good punches and gets a takedown (crowd pops, amazingly enough - of course, they're all rednecks rooting for the white boy anyway) I'm guessing Droz gets the second round, too. Third round sees Savio try a takedown and not get the 5, while Droz tries a takedown and DOES get the 5 - those damn racists - what have they got against the Boriqua? Ross yells out "Hemaygodown! Hemaygodown!" when there ain't no way in hell Vega's gettin' knocked out. Anyway, Droz wins and who cares.
A brand new Beemer pulls up - and it's Helmsley and Chyna (but not X-Pac) - see? They're all arriving separately! Do you get it yet?
Stone Cold Steve Austin has a new T-Shirt - it's "Bad to the Bonz" - and it'll cost you thirty-one bones if you want it.
Michael King Cole is backstage with Chyna, who is testing the theory that if you wear a tight white top, your breasts will look bigger. Chyna tells Cole to "thuck it" and shoves him over the top of the convertible.
RAW is brought to you by Mead ***** school supplies, the JVC Kaboom!box, WWF: The Music Volume 2 (available at NRM), and 10-10-321, who sponsors the close-captioning (becuase if you're hearing imparied, you NEED to make those collect calls on the phone!)
LOD TWO THOUSAND come out - unfortunately, Hawk gets distracted by the pyro and takes a tumble. Possibly, he's just drunk off his ass. We fade out as Ross goes into his "what thee" spiel.
"60 Minutes" of Sunday Night Heat ad.
When we come back, Jim Ross tells us that Hawk is battling some personal problems, and is in no condition to wrestle tonight. While that's going on, we see clips from last night's "Heat," where Southern Justice turned on Tennessee Lee to join Jeff Jarrett - and just maybe, Lee's been written out.
ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL v. SOUTHERN JUSTICE - on their way to the ring, Knight & Cantebury stop to chat with Hawk, and then they brawl for a bit before the cartel of WWF officials can get Hawk away. Since it wouldn't be fair to have a doubleteam here on Animal, out comes DROZ, his hands still taped from the BRAWLforALL, and he makes easy work of Southern Justice. With everybody outside, here comes JEDOULEF JADOULBEREDOULET with a guitar with "DON'T PISS ME OFF" painted on the back. You can guess what happens to the guitar, and to Drozdov's head. Jarrett adds insult to injury by shearing Darren's ponytail. You can tell Jarrett is suddenly twice as evil becuase he has THE EVIL GOATEE. Southern Justice and Jarrett walk away.
X-PAC has arrived - alone. See, they've all arrived separately...
Buy some Stri-Dex and get a RADICAL Triple H poster!
D-GENERATION X make their way to the ring, separately. Outlaws first, then X-Pac, then finally Triple H and Chyna. Ross says this will be the last time we see this group together, and nobody's buying this for a second. As X-Pac enters, we see a clip from five months ago when the Kid first returned. A clip from last week's X-Pac/Helmsley match is supposedly the catalyst for all this hand-wringing. Lawler calls Chyna "the Yoko Ono of DX." Helmsley: "You know everybody wants to know where DX stands. It's been a long two weeks. So what I'm here to tell you now is-" X-Pac grabs the mic. "You know something? I've just about had it with you and your bitch." Chyna stalks X-Pac but Helmsley stops her. "You know, I've been thinking about this and I've come to the conclusion - you know, you're a couple of JACKOFFS!" I'm still not buying this, by the way. "Let me get this straight - I'm a jackoff, she's a jackoff, you think we're jackoffs. Well let me think back for the last few weeks, and if there's one thing I can see, it's that the biggest jackoff in the world is standing right in front of me. And as far as jackoffs go, while we're at it - you two have got to be a couple of the biggest jackoffs I've ever seen in my entire life!" Ross says "They're splitting up, no doubt about it." Ross, you're now the biggest idiot in the world, no doubt about it. All four guys take turns saying "jackoff" and I'm just getting more and more sick of this whole thing. Am I just old and cynical or can this not suck enough? The conclusion is that Helmsley says they've got to do the DX split, which apparently involves all four of them mooning the crowd. Chyna gets the mic and says "Wait a minute guys." Lawler: "She's talking!" Ross: "She's NOT a mute..." okay, that's half-redemption for Ross. "Did it ever occur to you guys the people are sick and tired of looking at your asses every week?" And then Chyna pulls down her pants to show off HER ass - she's wearing a thong. Ross: "They got us! They got us, King! They've pulled it off on us, and we all bit - hook, line and sinker! DX is as together as they could ever be." Oh, blow it out your ass, Ross. Various DX members pull down their pants. What a colossal waste of my time. Even if Chyna DOES have a nice ass.
We see a shot of John Wayne Bobbitt and some of the headlines that made him famous. He's going to be in that exciting joint press conference tonight (where there will presumably also be no wrestling at all).
We see a shot of Austin in deep thought and proudly wearing his new T-shirt.
Micheal King Cole is backstage with Stone Cold. Rather than answer a simple question, Austin throws Cole into a shower. For some reason, I don't find this terribly entertaining either. It is TV-PG-V, though.
Stri-Dex presents WWF's SummerSlam!
GODFATHER (with 3 ho's) enters the ring. We turn to the War Zone somewhere in here. Before his opponent is here, BART "LEFTY" GUNN has appeared in front of the commentary table to pick a bone with Ross. "I knocked out Dr. Death Steve Williams with a good left hook, and when I go home and watch television, all I hear is you and everybody else making excuses for him." Yeah, Bart, stick it to him! Bart goes on to promise that someone's going to get knocked out tonight.
GODFATHER (with 3 ho's) v. VADER (with no ho's) - Ross tries to demur about the major league ass-kissing he's been giving Dr. Death and I'm not buying it. I'm just getting pissed off tonight. "I wanna ask you a question, big Vader, have you ever been with a ho? Hey, you DO know what a ho is, don'cha? Well feast your eyes on this, huh?" Vader has a puppy-dog look that resembles a starving man at a Sizzler buffet. "I'm gonna make you an offer that you can't refuse. You have a choice now, big Vader." Of course, the choice is that he can fight the Godfather or spend the night with the ho's. Vader shakes his head "no," proving that he's a damn fool. "I don't think you understand me. You have your choice, baby, of fighting me, or you got ALL THREE OF THEM FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT!" Vader accepts, proving that he's a damn smart man. Vader's music plays as if he's won the match, and when you think about it, he IS a winner. (No contest) Before he leaves, he approaches Bart. My lip reading sucks, but I *believe* he says something along the lines of "next week when you get in the ring with him, I say, you take the women." Bart, of course, ko's Vader with one left hand, proving that Vader's just a fat piece of shit. Bart hits the ring and brawls with the Godfather until the bevy of WWF officials separates the two men. Godfather takes his ho's and leaves. Almost-bare ass count in this segment: 2.
A limo pulls up and inside are JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT and VAL VENIS. I can tell the double entendre-fest is coming when Lawler says "I guarantee you they'll be airing CLIPS and CUTAWAYS of this all week!" I need a painkiller.
Somebody's turned up the iris on this DUSTIN RUNNELLS vignette. "Hi. This evening, I'd like to speak to you about choices. This very next segment on the War Zone deals with explicit subject matter and makes numerous references to genitalia, adultery, and fornication. It's also ripe with gratuitous violence unfit for family viewing, but we have choices. We can choose to send a message to the World Wrestling Federation - we can choose to spend our time watching quality programming rather than violent, sensationalistic nonsense. Why at this very moment, there's a special on reptiles on the Discovery channel. Now doesn't that sound like a better way to spend the evening? I certainly think so. So remember parents, it is through our choices that we raise our children, preparing them for the glory of eternal life. Choose wisely, for He is coming back. Thank you, and God bless." "The preceding was sponsored by the Evangelists against Movies, Television, and Entertainment." Well, that wasn't that bad.
VAL VENIS is in a wheelchair, being pushed by JOHN WAYNE BOBBIT and flanked by MRS. YAMAGUCHI, who in a bizarre plot twist last week was revealed as Taka Michinoku's sister. Val's got an icepack on his - well, I guess I can believe it's still sore after a week or two. "Are you still hanging in there?" "Hello, ladies. You know tonight I come to you a humble man, half the man that I used to be, but you know, it's like they say - you live by the sword and you die by the sword. You know there's only one way to stop the mighty boa - and that's to sever it at the head. Well ladies, you better take a rain check on them new snakeskin boots, because - because - the BIG VALBOWSKI is alive, and ready to bite baby!" Oh, he was fakin' it all along, damn he's a clever one. "Well you know something, thanks to a cold butcher's block, heh heh heh, and a little shrinkage, and of course my good friend, John Wayne Bobbitt, who just happened to cut the lights just at the appropriate time, the Big Valbowski is standing at full attention, cocked, rocked and ready to unload." Lawler turns to Bobbitt for his lines. "We live on the edge - Val ordered a club soda with a slice and the bartender tried to cut us off." "John I don't want to cut you short - but I understand your ex-wife Lorena actually threw something out the window and it was lost out there for a while, but they found it right?" "Yeah they found it" "Well that's a good thing because I was thinking how funny a picture of that would look on the side of a milk carton." Back to Val. "Baby, it's been a long, hard road - but it ends right here, baby! You know something, ah don't cry baby, you see NO woman is worth the trouble that you brought me - no woman! I hope you enjoyed the ride baby, because this is where you get off! So take your shoes from under my bed and hit the bricks. Adios!" And then he throws her a battery on the way out. "Goodbye lady!" So let's see, is Val still a face? He dumped a beautiful lady, but it WAS another man's wife, and that man was a heel...aw, where's my scorecard?
Four Corners match is hyped.
Interestingly, I haven't seen any local RAW is WAR ads tonight, even though I saw one on Nitro.
EDGE is in the crowd. He's undefeated - but we've only seen him wrestle, like, twice.
BRADSHAW v. MARVELOUS MARC MERO (no entrance) in a BRAWLforALL match - for the first time ever, we see the BRAWLforALL bracket. Next week, the semis are Bart/Godfather and Droz/winner here. Big staredown. Mero is in this match by virtue of his loss to Blackman (huh?) First round has Mero peppering Bradshaw with punches while Bradshaw tries for takedowns and fails, and then fails to break. Bradshaw does get a takedown for 5 but isn't throwing punches. It looks like Bradshaw wants another takedown to win the round but Mero is successfully blocking the attempts. "Unofficial" scoring has it at 5-5. Second round is more of the same - at least Bradshaw tries to land some punches this time. Now Bradshaw's blatantly cheating, putting Mero in a headlock and rabbit punching him. Bradshaw gets a takedown for 5 and Mero again looks to get the 5 for the most punches. This seems to make Bradshaw look like a damn wuss who wants to take the shortcut to get the win - much like Blackman destroyed Mero pointswise with takedowns and not bothering with punches. Round three with the unofficial score at 10-10. Bradshaw gets a total bullshit takedown after failing to break, causing Mero to cry out "That ain't five - you fucking break!" Bradshaw is stalling because he thinks that'll get him the match. What bullshit. The third round ends and Mero should have won 15-10, but it's a draw, and there will be one more round. Crowd is thrilled that they get to watch another round of this "action." Bradshaw is sucking wind and deserves to lose. Mero holds the ropes while Bradshaw fails to break. So they're both cheating. Bradshaw with a Goldberg-esque spear while Ross screams "big takedown! big takedown! big takedown!" So Mero tries a takedown but it doesn't happen. Now it looks to me like Mero again hit the most punches so it's still a draw, but Bradshaw is announced the winner. What bullshit. It's completely obvious they WANTED Bradshaw to move on and they made sure he won - it was a fix. Total bullshit. This whole tourney is bullshit. Tonight's entire show is bullshit, professional wrestling in general is bullshit. Quote me.
As tonight's four corners match is hyped, we cut to a shot of the Undertaker backstage - he'll address the controversy NEXT!
"60 Minutes" of Sunday Night Heat ad.
Stri-Dex Highway to Hell SummerSlam countdown: 3 weeks!
Ross & Lawler chat about earlier tonight. Let us take you back to earlier tonight, where the Undertaker appears from nowhere (I think it was a Kane outfit with lots of snaps). Backstage, Michael King Cole asks Undertaker to explain his actions, and Undertaker says he'll do his explaining in the ring.
Time for the main event (with at least 22 minutes to go? Those intros must take a while) and do you realise this is only the SECOND match? No, dammit, BRAWLforALL contests DON'T count. And the first match was Luna/Jacqueline! Even NITRO can give me more wrestling than this! Come on, WWF, give me some damn wrestling on my damn wrestling program. Is that too much to ask?
THE ROCK & OWEN HART are first out. Next week, an Owen Hart/Ken Shamrock/Dan Severn Triple Threat match will take place on RAW - that might go a long way towards redemption after tonight's fiasco. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS come out and Ross says the "Outlaw rule" is in effect - one man can't pin his partner - good idea. Road Dog does his spiel, and by the way I'm tired of THAT too. Billy says "suck it." Hey, there's KEN SHAMROCK! That should liven things up. While the Outlaws doubleteam the Rock, Shamrock puts Owen in the ankle lock. The rest of DX come out, the rest of the NATION comes out, and still nobody is saving Owen. Finally STEVE BLACKMAN comes out and convinces Shamrock to let go of the hold. Owen's ankle might be snapped - let's take an ad break!
Stri-Dex Triple Action features "Kane" dismantling Mankind last night on Sunday Night Heat. Of course, it's really the Undertaker.
That's supposedly our last break. We learn that Owen's getting medical attention so D'Lo Brown will take his place. As MANKIND & KANE are introduced, Ross again calls Kane "the Big Red Machine" as if he were a 70's baseball team. Mankind is about ten feet behind Kane and Paul Bearer on their way ot the ring. At wwf.com, "Code Red" will be on for a one hour post-show show. If you're reading this now, it's probably too late -ha! UNDERTAKER gets his own entrance, along with all the pyro. Ross calls him "the conscience of the World Wrestlin Federation." Huh? Of course, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN gets the last entrance.
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN & THE UNDERTAKER v. MANKIND & KANE v. NEW AGE OUTLAWS v. THE ROCK & D'LO BROWN in a Four Corners match for the WWF Tag Team Championship - Austin and Mankind start off. A little back and forth and Mankind leaves the ring after foiling a Stunner attempt. The Rock comes in, eats a punch and leaves. Mankind tries to suplex Austin to the floor, but Austin counters and takes Mankind's throat to the top rope. Austin suplex Mankind in. Mankind manages to suplex D'Lo. A fan ALMOST makes it into the ring and he's quickly moved out of camera range. D'Lo falls to a Thesz press, punches in bunches, and an elbow drop. Now Austin tags Kane, who continues to beat down D-Lo. Kane tags Billy, and D'Lo finally comes back with an elbow. Cross body for 1. Punch, head waggle. D'Lo puts his head down and Gunn hits the Rocker dropper. Gunn drops him on his face for 2. Tag to the Road Dog who hits the funky knee drop. Cover - 1, 2, 3. Whoops, D'Lo forgot to lift the shoulder but referee "Blind" Earl Hebner pulled up on the third count anyway. Ah well. We all know that Jesse James is the designated face in peril, so D'Lo rakes the eyes and tags in Mankind. Mankind with punches and boots to the face. The Dog manages a back body drop, but Mankind tags in the Rock. Kick to the head. Mankind is still in the Rock's corner and D'Lo is really confused about him being there. Mankind finally makes it back to his own corner and D'Lo is tagged in. Great suplex by D'Lo. Whip into the ropes, duck, James manages a kick to the face and a tag to Billy Gunn. Half hour suplex is impressive. 1, 2, Undertaker pulls Gunn off D'Lo. D'Lo manages a few punches to take control. Whip into the ropes, elbow. D'Lo tags Austin. Austin is punching and wrenching the arm. Tag to Undertaker, crowd goes nuts. Undertaker with punch after punch until Gunn is outside the ring. Austin drops him on the barricade. Undertaker with a kick to Mankind for good measure, and Mankind tries to fight back. Undertaker and the Bad Ass are back in the ring. Whip into the corner. Undertaker with a punch. Gunn turns around and tags Austin. Austin and Undertaker are in with a staredown. Meanwhile Gunn and Mankind are brawling on the outside. Now Austin and the Undertaker decide to just beat up the Outlaws. Austin tags the Road Dog. Undertaker does that tightrope thing. Double palm thrust. Tag to D'Lo, who continues hitting James in the head. Bodyslam, legdrop, near fall. Tag to the Rock. Crowd anticipates the People's Elbow and starts to shout. Side Russian legsweep for 2. The Rock takes the Dog to D'Lo's corner and hits his face with D'Lo's boot. Tag to D'Lo, headlock is applied. Hey, every heavyweight champion in the WWF is in this match, what does that tell us. James gets out and punches Brown. 'Lodown! 1, 2, Gunn makes the save. The Rock is in and NOW it's time for the People's Elbow - crowd goes nuts for that. 1, 2, and *Austin* makes the save. Tag to Mankind - geez, that's not smart to let another team get a chance for the pin. Another submission hold. We're in overtime now - it's past 11. Mankind with a few choice words for Austin and Mankind. Ross says we haven't seen Kane in this match yet, which is a lie. Oh well. Whip into the ropes - the Dog manages a side Russian leg sweep (popular move tonight). Mankind waffles Gunn to make sure James can't make the tag, so Mankind lunges for the Undertaker, and makes the tag! Now EVERYBODY'S in the ring, Katie bar the door, pier six brawl, etc. The ring clears out slowly. Undertaker chokeslams D'Lo, tosses Gunn over the top rope - Kane's got Undertaker! Chokeslam! 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (14:30) That chokeslam wouldn't usually seem like enough to put the Undertaker down, but maybe he WANTED his brother to win the tag team titles? Austin has a funny look for his tag team partner. There's a staredown here - now Austin walks away. Undertaker's eyes don't leave him. We quit at 11:05.
Well, that wasn't a bad match at all - but it doesn't make up for the seven quarter hours of pure crap that I had to endure. I hope it isn't like this next week or I'm putting in for a vacation.