/19 October 1998
WWF RAW is WAR
am SICK. As in unwell, not as in sick. Yeah.
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
TV-PG-V clip montage of McMahon's guarantee which you've probably seen about a thousand times already. Clips from Last Night show Austin counting three on both men and declaring himself the winner, followed by McMahon making good on his promise and firing him, and Austin's promise that he hasn't seen the last of Stone Cold Steve Austin.
As a "Happy Days are Here Again"-alike plays over the PA and streamers and glitter AND balloons fall from the ceiling, the entire roster of WWF Superstars is walking into the ring. En espanol donde sea disponible. WE are LIVE in Milwaukee, WI at the Bradley Center 19.10.98 and I've never seen so many people in the ring and so much crap falling from the ceiling. Ross tells us that Mr. McMahon has promised a huge party to kick things off and this must be that party. People you'd NEVER see are RAW are in the ring - look! There's Bob Holly! At long last, COMMISSIONER SLAUGHTER appears at the entrance as everyone looks on. The sound of popping balloons is drowned out by a chant of "Austin." "Ladies and gentlemen, the owner of the World Wrestling Federation, Mr. McMahon!" and out wheels VINCENT K., accompanied by the rest of the MUSKETEERS, the K-9 SQUAD and the BIG BOSS MAN. "May I have your attention please. May I have your attention, I have a very important announcement to make regarding as relates to the World Wrestling Federation Championship. As a result of an individual who is no longer gainfully employed here in the World Wrestling Federation, we have no World Wrestling Federation Champion as we speak. However, I assure you that on the night of November 15 at the Survivor Series, as a matter of fact I GUARANTEE you ... uh oh, there goes that word again - I *guarantee* you. Nonetheless, I guarantee you on November 15, at the end of that evening, we will have an undisputed WWF Champion, because on that night at the Survivor Series, sixteen WWF Superstars will compete in a one-night tournament to determine just who will be the next undisputed WWF Champion. Now as far as some of the events of last night are concerned, it seems as those some of you are in a state of shock, some of you are in a state of disbelief. ["Asshole" chant] If I am, I'm damn proud of it. Some of you are certainly in a state of shock as - did Vince McMahon REALLY fire Stone Cold Steve Austin last night? Well, for the benefit of those of you who did not join us on pay-per-view last night at Judgement Day - how appropriate, 'Judgement Day' - let me repeat the words I said to Stone Cold Steve Austin - 'Austin, screw you, you're fired.' How did Stone Cold Steve Austin take the news? Well, I'll show you how he took the news. On the TitanTron if you'll direct your attention, someone from Production will put up a freeze-frame of Stone Cold Steve Austin's face. As soon as Stone Cold heard those words, Stone Cold had that look on his face - a look of disbelief. He couldn't believe he had just been fired. Austin, as a matter of fact, started mumbling something about hunting season, or going hunting. I didn't know what he meant, until this morning someone told me someonen told me that Austin was indeed hunting - he was hunting for a job. Austin, if you ever come into a World Wrestling Federation arena again, then you will do so just like this capacity crowd - you'll have to buy a ticket, Austin. ["Asshole" chant] All right - So what did it feel like, many of you are saying to yourself "My God, what's it like to be Vince McMahon? What's it like to have the BALLS to fire Stone Cold Steve Austin? I really wondered - I wondered if Austin provoked me, how I would feel and last night I searched, and last night, when I fired Austin, I'll admit, it felt ... pretty damn good. At the end of the evening, after asking that question again, I was convinced, it felt great. And then this morning, you know, when you look into that mirra bright and early when you first get up, that soul searching. All right Vince McMahon, how did you feel after firing Stone Cold Steve Austin? You know what it felt like to me this morning? It was better than sex. Which brings me, as to why each and every one of you stand before me as WWF Superstars - hopefully you all learned the lesson that Stone Cold learned last night. Hopefully no one in that ring will EVER cross the boss. Because, none of you are as big as Vince McMahon. You know, all that Austin 3:16 paraphenalia out there, T-shirts, what have you. Another rumour goin' around, that it's going like hotcakes, because now Austin 3:16, that's a collector's item, you see. Now, there's a new expression - a new expression that's going to be sweeping the nation, sweeping the globe, and that's going to be 'McMahon 3:16' and McMahon 3:16 says 'I've got the brass to fire your ass.' Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen." The TitanTron view switches to a (live?) shot of STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - he's locked and loaded and putting on his hunting cap...hmmm...Austin with a gun...where have I seen this before...oh wait, that was Pillman, not Austin. Austin was breaking into his house. Okay, that's different.
Judgement Day Encore presentation ad.
WWF War Zone for the Nintendo ad. Hey, I thought Austin was fired!
Backstage, we see McMahon and his entourage - McMahon is visibly upset to learn that Austin has a weapon. He asks Boss Man to go up to the luxury box, get his family and take them out of town. He also asks the camera to stay around to document anything that might go down - he needs witnesses.
Cut back to Austin in a truck, cleaning his "3-16" shotgun.
Your hosts are Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross, who is hoping that cooler heads will prevail.
KING KEN SHAMROCK v. X-PAC (with Chyna) in a Champion versus Champion, nontitle matchup - Let Us Take you back to last week where Shamrock defeated X-Pac in the finals of the IC Tourney, and cut to Sunday where Shamrock continued his rampage of hellbent destruction by repeatedly slamming a door on Triple H. Earlier Today, DX was hangin' with Motley Crue, if you care. This clip consisted of people saying "Hell yeah" many times. Fast and furious to start, Shamrock with the quick upper hand with kicks and a snap suplex. Chop near the throat. Head to the turnbuckle. Another snap suplex - floatover cover for 2. We look backstage as Brisco promises that the situation is under control. Shamrock still on X-Pac. Front facelock by Shamrock as we see two cops come out. Rather than to provide extra security, they arrest *Chyna*. Meanwhile X-Pac has fought back with a spinning kick. Whip into the ropes, spinning heel kick. Whip to the corner, but Shamrock catches a charging X-Pac with a powerslam for 2. Whip into the opposite corner, follow lariat. Whip into the opposite corner, reverse, and it's bronco buster time - but Shamrock steps aside and 'Pac crotches himself. Whip into the ropes by Shamrock, big belly-to-belly suplex. Whip into the ropes, 'rana by Shamrock as MANKIND walks out, waving to Shamrock. Anklelock attempt is cut short while Shamrock is distracted. Eyepoke to Mankind and he drags him in. But Mankind puts on a Mandible claw - Shamrock manages to belly-to-belly suplex Mankind and break the hold. Now X-Pac applies the X Factor facebuster and secures the pinfall (4:17), then quickly runs out after Chyna. Backstage we see her escorted into an unmarked car as the Outlaws follow, and protest. Car drives off as everybody is still unhappy and vocal. After telling the DX members to mind their own business and get back into the building, two cops spy STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN sitting in his truck and walk over to have a chat with him. He'd been doing some hunting, and now he's just killing some time. After the cops ask about the sidearm, Austin shows off his .38 Special (a "nice little toy"), the cops ask for autographs, and Austin is happy to comply. Everyone's all smiles as we cut backstage to McMahon: "What the hell kinda town is this?" Apparently one full of NRA life members, if you catch my drift.
Backstage, McMahon tells the K-9 cop to go back and get Austin. The cop says he's not interested in endangering his life, says "Screw you," then walks off. Hang on a tick - was it me, or did that guy look JUST like Richard Jewell?
WWF is brought to you by the active lubricant Castrol Syntec and Mr. Tees.
HEAD BANGERS v. LOD TWO THOUSAND (with Hawk) - Bangers rip off the Outlaws theme - good for them. "Heavy Metal Music is proud to bring to you the NEW World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions of the Wooooooooooorld...Mosh! Thrasher! The Head Bangers!" "And if you're not down with that, we got two words for ya: YOU SUCK!" They're wearing toy belts. I missed this entire match - finish came when Droz turned to listen to Hawk say something and Thrasher hit a surprise rollup for the pin (1:54). Of course, each blames the other for the loss.
Backstage, Patterson says he'll get McMahon some coffee. Come to think of it, says Brisco, he could use some coffee too. Slaughter also says it would be a good time for some coffee. As all three slowly amble out of the room, McMahon cries out "Where the hell are you all going?" This presumably leaves the cameraman and McMahon left alone backstage.
"Water Boy" ad has the Giant in it. Oooh...
Knock knock knock - knock knock knock - McMahon looks incredibly afraid, but fortunately it's MR. SOCKO and MANKIND. Mr. Socko is now "Sheriff Socko, the new head of Security." He's brought candy (Vinnie's got a sweet tooth!). McMahon is happy to see Mankind. "Don't worry Vinnie, I've got your back - let's get to know each other!"
BONG - hmm, there's UNDERTAKER with PAUL BEARER - why? Don't know, it just kinda *happened* last night at the big pay-per-view as Bearer turned on his own son, whacking him with a STEEL chair for no apparent reason. Well, maybe they're out here to help us out as far as an explanation is concerned. Tonight, the Rock takes on D'Lo Brown, Mankind (with Sheriff Socko) takes on Val Venis, Jeff Jarrett promises a big surprise, and Survivor Series is 15 November and I guess Survivor Series elimination matches have been replaced with the sixteen man tourney. "as you cna plainly see, there has been a reconciliation made." [booing] "Brother Paul has come home to lead my ministry of darkness. And I'm sure that there's those who can't understand because they have no vision how I could align myself once more with such a despicable, evil, maniacal individual. Well, if those aren't reasons enough, I guess I can't explain it any better." I guess no explanation then, huh. "What we have is someone with vision - someone who truly understands the power of the darkness. He allowed me to clear my head and refocus on what it is I am here for. Now what we have is a beginning of a new era, and we will unleash with our ministry of darkness, a plague for which the World Wrestling Federation has ever seen, nor will it be EVER understood amongst those who do not relish in the darkness, so now, those of you who do not declare, shall be declared." Has he been watching old Ultimate Warrior interviews again? Paul: "Kane, I used you, boy. Ever since you were a little child, I took care of you like a pet, like a pup dog on a leash - just for special occastions, yes I used you because you're stupid! You're weak! You can't even speak for yourself! You turned your back on me twice - the first time was eight weeks ago, the last time was last night, boy! You could never understand the darkness, Kane, that is why I'll never have any use for you again." "You know Kane, I know there's a thought that's been burning in your mind for years - you really want to know what happened the day you caught on fire? Well listen, and listen close. I set that fire, and I set it because you were weak as a child, and you're weak now. And we have no room for the weak - only the strong shall survive." Of course, this triggers that music we've all come to know and love - it's KANE wheeling out a casket. I hope Clarence Mason is in that casket - might make some sense out of this angle! Kane: "You and I, tonight, casket match. Then, brother, you will - rest - in - peace." Did I just see a double turn there? You know, there are people out there who just EAT THIS STUFF UP. But I gotta tell ya, I'm not one of them.
Mankind suggests McMahon rehire Austin and the four of them form their own clique. "Four?" "Yeah, you, me, Austin, and Mr. Socko!" McMahon says this is a matter of principal. Mankind says he respects his moral fortitude, now let's play some games. "Play games?"
WCW vs. NWO makes an appearance in a video game ad. Insidious!
They're playing Twister - well Mankind is, and he's trying to position Vince's good foot (James Brown reference!) on one of the multi-coloured dots. "What the hell are you doing? What the hell are you doing?" "Making you feel better makes ME feel better." Vince goes ballistic and throws him out. "I'm in danger and you wanna play games! Get the hell out of here! Get out! Get out!"
STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) v. TV-PG-V RATINGS BOX - Let Us Take You Back to last week where Blackman loses to Shamrock, only to be attacked by the Blue Blazer afterwards. Blackman's opponent is JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET who is accompanied by DEBRA McMICHAEL. *Holy shit!* I wasn't gonna believe it until I saw it, and now that I've seen it - well, hell, I STILL don't believe it. Debra looks a lot finer when she's showing all that leg, too - the Wonderbra doesn't hurt either. We cut over to the War Zone as they reach ringside. Crowd is appropriately lecherous to break out into a "Show Your Tits" chant, and I can't say as I wouldn't mind too much if - wait, am I talking about Debra McMichael here? Back and forth affair ends when the BLUE BLAZER comes out and belly-to-belly suplexes Blackman (DQ 2:29) - Blackman and the Blazer take the boots to Blackman and a guitar is introduced into the ring as a "Nugget" chant ensues (well, the CROWD thinks it's Owen - I'm still not sure). Because I'm not confused enough, AL SNOW & HEAD walk into the ring, too - then turn to see Debra standing on the apron - Jarrett turns around, seeing Snow and wallops him in the back of the head with the guitar. Hell, all these angles are REALLY getting in the way of me calling any action tonight.
Backstage with McMahon, a phone rings. We stare at it, then at McMahon - McMahon decides to answer after some deep thought. "Vince - Vince - your time's up, you sorry bastard - I'm comin' to get you. (click)" McMahon buries his face in his hands. We are left with no doubt as to the identity of the voice on the other end of the line: it's Austin.
McMahon via phone, asks a guy in the parking lot if he sees Austin, and he says that's a negatory. McMahon asks the guy to back the car up to the employee entrance and leave it running and leave the back door open. Ross says that was the limo driver. "Austin" chant is heard all the way in the back. Somehow, McMahon is still alone. We see him wheel down a hall, through a room, and out a door. He's slowly wheeling to the limo and - makes it! As he gets into the car, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN has appeared through the opposite door and grabs McMahon. Austin has his bow. Austin wheels McMahon back into the building, running his injured ankle into several pieces of furniture along the way. McMahon yells "My ankle!" several times. Again McMahon's ankle hits a door. Back into the office we go - whoops, the door is shut in front of the camera.
Cut to the commentators. Lawler moans that McMahon has been taken hostage. Ross says we'll be right back.
WWF War Zone video game ad.
WWF War Zone presents the Slam of the Week - last night's counter into a facebuster by X-Pac on D'Lo Brown to win the European title.
Backstage, the camera has been let in. Austin asks McMahon if he's ever hunted in his life - McMahon has once, well, he was on safari and took pictures. Austin asks McMahon if a knife like this (knife is brandished) would take out an elephant - McMahon doesn't answer...
THE ROCK (with new music) v. D'LO BROWN (with Mizark Henry) - Let Us Take You Back to last week, where Brown and Henry took out the Rock during his tag team match - monster "D'Lo sucks" chant breaks out. Rock with rights, whip into the ropes, head down, Brown with a kick and some smack talkin', clothesline by Rock. Punches, to the corner, whip, reverse, head down, swinging neckbreaker by Rock. Henry up on the apron, distracting referee "Blind" Tim White enough for Rock to hit him in the nads. Brown comes back with a scoop slam and a legdrop. "Who sucks now?" Right hand by Brown, to the corner, punches in bunches. Whip into the opposite corner, head waggle, charge, but Rock with the clothesline. Brown steps aside and tosses the Rock over the top rope. Henry provides a power clothesline while Brown jaws with White. After Henry throws him back in, Brown only gets two. Slam, but the elbow drop misses. The Rock with the punches, whip, reverse, duck, Samoan drop by the Rock. To the corner, Rock's kicking away, now he's punching away. Whip into the ropes, reverse, duck, kick to the gut, DDT by the Rock for 2. Scoop slam and the crowd is on their feet because they know it's here - the People's Elbow. Too bad about that chest protector - Brown quickly gains the advantage, but Rock catches Brown coming off the second rope and applies the Rock Bottom and gets a 3 count. (3:43) Henry quickly comes in and the doubleteam is on. Now THAT'S what I call a beatdown. Who saves the Rock? The gaggle of WWF officials and referees. Henry gets off one more big splash. "Hey Rock, who just laid the smack down on whom? You better recognise." Rock's music plays again so the fans can cheer.
Austin cleans his knife and asks Vince if he wants to find out how sharp the knife really is. He gets up quickly, causing Vince to shout "NO!" but Austin is just getting an apple. Austin promises that when Vince DOES go, he won't feel a thing, and he'll go just like (snap) that.
Another Giant sighting in another "Water Boy" ad.
McMahon says he hopes Austin is having fun. He isn't getting away with it. Austin says he went hunting, but he didn't get a deer, he got a jackass. Does he even know how a bow works? He brandishes the bow...
TIGER ALI SINGH is out with BABU NAHASAPEEMAPETILAN to demonstrate how vulgar American appetites are. Babu has a barbecue (unlit) with some hotdogs and sausages. He'll pay $500 to anyone who will swallow Babu's kielbasa whole. This reminds me of "Private Parts" for some reason. Sure enough, *that* scene is re-enacted (sans whipping cream), and the woman gets the money. Just to make this more surreal, who should come out but the GODFATHER to talk about pimpn' and ho's and - well, go figure, the plant they pulled out who deep-throated the kielbasa was once one of Godfather's ho's. This devolves into Godfather saying "you just paid $500 for something you could have had the whole night for a hell of a lot cheaper," which I guess is tremendously embarrassing to Singh, because he shoves Babu into him, then they fight, then some WWF officials come out ... oh - kay. Remember fans, in this feud, the face is the PIMP.
Austin shows off an arrow shot in the picture of a hockey player. "You don't think that's meant for you, do you?" Austin goes on to talk about "Deliverance," and asks Vince if he could squeal like a pig for him. Vince is crying, then meekly says "oink oink" until Austin threatens to get his bow. Then Vince gets louder and louder until all we hear is "OINK! OINK! OINK!"
Hey! There's that Giant feller again! I can't wait to miss "Water Boy!"
Austin asks McMahon if he's ever seen "Misery," then points to a 2x4 between Vince's feet. Then he ducttapes Vince's mouth shut, then tapes him into his chair while he goes to look for a sledgehammer to see if it'll really break his legs. Gee, you think somebody would have tried to save the poor guy by now.
MANKIND v. VAL VENIS (with Terri Runnels) - Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, when Mankind had a hand in Shamrock's loss to X-Pac. Still shots from last night show Terri attempting to interfere and Goldust kicking Venis right in the old love muscle. Venis tries to bump 'n' grind but he's still feeling some - discomfort. Lockup, Mankind with a shoulderblock, criss cross, both men stop at the same time. Lockup, to the headlock, Mankind powers out, Venis with punches, whip, knee to the abdomen, repeat, side Russian legsweep, bump'n'grind, more punches. To the corner, Venis with punches, ten punch count along is interrupted, Mankind carries him out but Venis hits a lariat. To the ropes, and Venis is choking him on the ropes, he's holding him by the eyes. Nice nipples, Terri - no really. Boss Man straddle attempt is missed as Mankind moves away, and Venis lands right on his injured area. Back bodydrop by Mankind. Legdrop to the crotch. Doublearm DDT by Mankind. Mr. Socko is out - here's the Mandible Socko, but while Terri argues with referee "Blind" Mike Chioda, KING KEN SHAMROCK comes out with a chair, smacks Mankind in the knee, breaking the hold and allowing Venis to cover for the pin (3:35). Mankind and Shamrock brawl outside the ring, now out through the crowd. Mankind finds a chair and gets a shot in on Shamrock. They disappear behind the curtain...
...leaving Venis and Terri alone in the ring as GOLDUST's music fires up. "Nothing is over, Val - nothing! You can't just turn it off! First Blood, 1982. I am gonna shatter your dreams, again, and again, and again, so that you will NEVER forget the name of (inhale, snap) Goldust. Terri tries to console Val, who is sufficiently spooked out, then she whispers something in his ear - Terri smiles broadly, but Val turns white as a sheet (or his towel) and then walks off, leaving her alone...I hope to *God* this doesn't turn into a pregnancy thing.
Backstage, turns out that Austin couldn't find a sledgehammer. But Austin's got big plans for McMahon that don't even involve physical pain and he'll carry 'em out tonight. "And you won't feel a damn thing."
Nintendo sports ad again features WCW vs. NWO Revenge.
Backstage, Austin asks McMahon if he's ever seen "You Bet Your Life." Austin asks McMahon to pick a winner, and McMahon finally decides to pick Kane. Austin says if Kane wins, "we'll do things the easy way. If there's any other outcome, we'll do things the hard way."
The Survivor Series is brought to you by Nestle's Crunch: It's Just More Fun To Munch!
KANE v. UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) in a Casket Match - THE FUN BROTHERS EXPLODE! Whoops, sorry, got a Megapowers thing going there. I didn't mention earlier, but the Casket is extra-deep, which should provide us with some fun pyrotechnics later in the evening. Lawler asks why McMahon would pick Kane - good question. Chokin' away. Whip, elbow, Undertaker kicks away, does it matter who does what? This match sucked last night and it'll suck tonight. Flying clothesline. Both men back up. Undertaker with punches, whip, reverse, powerslam by Kane. Chop to the throat. Whip, head down, Undertaker with a weird lookin' DDT. Zombie situp by Kane. Punch, Undertaker motions for the casket door to be opened. Undertaker clotheslines him over the rope and into the casket but he's still standing, he pulls Undertaker into the casket. They're slugging it out. Now Kane is standing on his neck. Undertaker Golottas him to regain the advantage. Still both in the casket. Undertaker with a DDT into the casket. The lid is shut - Bearer has a chair behind his back. The casket walls are breaking as both men slug it out in the casket. Lid is open, Undertaker punches and Kane is outside. Undertaker up on the apron, jump - Kane catches him and takes his back to the corner of the ring. Kane turns to Paul Bearer, who runs away. Undertaker, from behind, catches up and chairs Kane. Paul Bearer and Undertaker walk away - Kane comes to and follows with the chair (no decision? 4:40ish)
Austin tells McMahon he loses - he's got something he's gotta do and he's gotta take Vince with him to do it. "Please, don't do this, please..." Vince is still in tears and we cut out for (I assume) the last ad break.
Austin pushes McMahon out of the office and towards the ring. We continue to watch as Austin pushes McMahon from there to here. Ross and Lawler vamp to fill up time, and I'm getting bored with this whole thing. We cut to a shot of the entryway - it's empty. Ross talks some more - he's pretty good at it. Lawler thinks he's heard a noise. Finally, Austin and McMahon show up and go down the ramp (I guess they took a long time to remove the duct tape?) Austin demands McMahon get in the ring, then gets a mic. "Look at ya - look at ya Vince - hell, earlier you was out here bragging, throwing a little party..." and Austin calls for a replay of that party. Vince, on his knees, hangs his head low and cries. We watch the replay, then freeze on Vince. Austin forces him to look at himself, then look at himself now, "you're pathetic! On your knees, cryin' in front of the world! You make me sick Vince, you know, I'll tell you what, I got a little something that I want you to read, because this is going to bring a few more tears to your eyes..." and he shoves a letter in his pocket. Austin takes his bow - tells Vince to look at the live picture of himself on the TitanTron - look at his eyes, 'cause they're fixin' to pop out. Then he pulls out a gun - sticks the microphone into the back of Vince's neck - nice facial visual from Vince - then he points the gun at the side of Vince's head - and a flag flies from the gun - "BANG 3:16" - then says "it wasn't Stone Cold that screwed Vince McMahon, it was Vince McMahon that screwed Vince McMahon." Austin goes on to say that McMahon 3:16 must mean "I just pissed my pants," and it certainly appears that that might have happened... then there's a kick to the gut and a Stunner. And just before we fade out, another kick/Stunner combo.
What's in that letter? What, you didn't have ENOUGH angles this week? Tune in next week!
Can I say that a lot of this doesn't work for me? No? I'm biased? Okay.