/11 January 1999
WWF RAW is WAR
PICTURE OF THE
Me'n' Steve Blackman - As Rick said once, prepare to be disappointed!
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
TV-PG-V Closed captioned Opening Credits - RAW is WAR is on, in your head!
FIREWORKS! We can only be LIVE from the Compaq(tm) Centre in Houston, TX 11.1.99 - Austin will be here! Mankind will be here! Michael King Cole and Jerry the King Lawler ARE here! EVERYBODY brought a sign! And let's start things off with ... yes ... an INTERVIEW!
D-GENERATION X are out, hopefully to explain that whole bit with Michaels last week, ha! The music is cut and the predictable bits start - Dogg cuts off the crowd to tell us that actually, they're bringing out "the Heavyweight Champion of the wooooooooooooorld" and MANKIND comes out with new music and the title. He poses on the ramp, Gunn says if we're not down with that, we got one word for ya (Socko), then they take off and Mankind makes it to the ring. "Well, I know one thing - it's about damn time I got some new entrance music. Am I the only one that noticed that on every frame on that video, well, I'm kind of getting my ass kicked, aren't I? Well that's all right, because that's the story of my life, and everybody knows that Mick Foley takes a licking [crowd joins in] and keeps on ticking!" Backstage, we see McMahons, then the Rock. "Now last week was without a doubt the greatest moment in my 15 year career, but I didn't get there by myself. I'd like to tell you just a little story about how, for, oh I guess 10 or 11 years, once a year I would call the World Wrestling Federation, and I'd offer my services, and they never even returned my damn phone call. The word I got years later was that Mick Foley did not LOOK like a star. So what I'd like to do is thank one person who knew Mick Foley was a star, except after Vince McMahon, twelve years later after I made my debut in the World Wrestling Federation - that man's at home right now, and I'd like to say thank you, Jim Ross, and get better soon because I want to hear you call a Mankind Championship match. Now, upon further review of the videotape, I realise that I didn't exactly win that title on my own, so I'd also like to thank DX for watching my back, and there's another guy who helped out just a little bit, too - I even believe he's from the state of Texas (big pop) and I know he's a little shy, but I hope he won't mind my saying 'Thank you, Stone Cold Steve Austin.' And I guess, Stone Cold, that I owe you one. Because I realise the name of this pay-per-view, as the Corporation calls it, is 'No Chance in Hell' - I'm here to say, Steve-O, that as long as there's a Mankind in the world, you've got ONE chance in hell. I understand everyone believes that I achieved my dream last week, but there's one last dream in the live of Mick Foley, and that is the main event of the biggest show in the world - WrestleMania. As far as I'm concerned, well, a WrestleMania just is not a WrestleMania without Stone Cold Steve Austin in the main event. So publicly, I'm going to state that there is nothing I would like better than to wrestle Steve Austin at WrestleMania - not because I don't like him but because when I think about the possibilities, by God, it makes my skin break out, and I can guarantee that mankind and Stone Cold would tear the house down at WrestleMania." Well, that's enough - THE ROCK is out with VINCENT K. & SKIPPY. Shane asks him to hold the phone, then runs him down, calling him a "disgrace" to the Federation title. Shane says there's nothing they can do about the fans, but there IS something they can do about D-generation X. Vince has ordered a "Corporate Royal Rumble" tonight between DX and the Corporation - the grand prize is that the winner will get the coveted #30 spot in the REAL Royal Rumble. Rock accuses Mankind of trying to be the Rock - Mankind NEVER beat the Rock for the title, he needed help from that piece of Texas Trailer Park Trash. Austin's day is gonna come - smack will be laid down and all that. Back to Mankind, he looks like monkey crap. "These people WANT the Rock as the WWF Champ!" lotsa boos "These people NEED the Rock as their WWF Champ!" more boos "They want a man who's intelligent, they want a man who's articulate, and they want a man who's pretty damn good lookin' on top of all that. Mankind, the millions, my God and the millions of the Rock's fans WANT the Rock their WWF Champ! Mankind, the least your unworthy ass can do is give the Rock what is rightfully his, and that's a shot at his WWF title - Royal Rumble - 1999!" "Well, you're right about a lot of things, Rock, but uh, I've already beaten your ass twice (pop) - there's uh, there's no third try, Rock - you're simply not Championship material!" Rock says it can be no DQ as well. "Well, Rock, uh - I smell what you're cookin' - doesn't smell all that good, you see we've already been there, we've already done that - I'm gonna have to take a pass on that." Rock ups the ante to no DQ, no countout. "No disqualification, no countout, no thank you Rock, not good enough for me." Rock offers one more stipulation - no members of Team Corporate at ringside. "Well Rock, I think I know what you oughta do, and that's check your own self into the Smack Down Hotel - and walk your monkey ass down to the corner of Knowyourrole Boulevard and Jabronie Drive because YOU get no title shot!" Rock tells Mankind that he should take his sock and put it on and then feel around between his legs, 'cause he obviously has nothing there. Mankind's ire is raised - one day he WILL stick Mr. Socko between a pair of legs - but not his - oh no - then we shall find out for sure what the Rock is cooking. Finally Rock says he quits trying to get - and Mankind says "I accept" Huh? Oh, an "I Quit" match. Mankind says no DQ, no countout, no Corporate members at ringside, no stopping the match for excessive bloodloss - because there will be excessive bloodloss - no knockouts, "I Quit" match. Mankind says he won't use any submission holds, he'll just beat the hell out of him until he can't take any more - and has to say "I quit." Vince: "Now that we have established - now that we have established that the Rock is the #1 Contender at the Royal Rumble for the WWF Championship, what makes you think you'll be the Champion, in less than two weeks time? Because tonight, in THAT ring, you will defend the WWF Championship, and by God, tonight, you'll defend it against KANE." "Vince you remember one thing - I am the WWF Champion until I'm not - if you smeellllllllalalalala, what the SOCK is cookin'!" Rock looks rather unhappy about the title match announcement.
Backstage, we see Austin enter the building. Oh boy!
Royal Rumble promo - Austin has a bounty on him, but first he'll get his shot at McMahon. It's 24 January!
Whew, those 20 minute interviews are exhausting, aren't they? And when exactly DID the Rock become such a good interview and heat machine?
NEW AGE OUTLAWS (with That Slut Chyna) v. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET & OWEN HART (with Debra McLegs) for the #1 Contenders' Spot - before the match, we see the Outlaws backstage accusing each other of being distracted by Debra - hmmm. Eight days ago on Heat, Jarrett & Hart defeated the CURRENT champs (Bossman & Shamrock) thanks to Debra's ass and Bossman's hand - but it was a nontitle match. Hart and Gunn start, Gunn has no problem because that's how the formula goes. Here's the tag to James, and here's the incredibly annoying wiggly wobbly kneedrop because that's how the formula goes. We stray from the formula a bit as Jarrett actually waits a few minutes before getting control of the Dogg. Finally he does with a nice arm breaker to the mat. Tag to Hart, double clothesline. Outlaws wrestle twice tonight as they're in that big Corporate Royal Rumble. Spinebuster by Hart - Sharpshooter attempt is kicked away. Hart is quickly back on him - Jarrett puts up the boot and the head meets it. Tag. Doubleteam shower of kicks. Jarrett with right hands, back elbow misses, off the ropes - collision in the center of the ring. Who will tag first? Well, Jarrett, of course. House on fire tag? Of course. This wrestling match is keeping me from watching INTERVIEWS! Gunn is all over both men and having no problem. Rock Dropper on Hart! But Debra is up on the apron and the top is unbuttoned. Gunn tries to show interest, but instead gives a "Suck it" crotch chop instead. Tag to James. Jarrett whispers something into Debra's ear, and the next thing we know she's over talking to CHYNA, well there's a tack. Gunn is out to act as the human shield and James turns to face the goings on - as Chyna shoves Debra, Hart somehow gets the pin on James (4:35) but the camera wasn't on 'em. Damn, they're SMART. Replay shows Hart hitting a spinning heel kick on the Dogg before the pin. The Outlaws and Chyna have a discussion in the ring...
Backstage, we see several policeman flanking a locker room door with "GILLBERG" on it. Oh no, they're not gonna...
*APW* action comes to the Mt. Pleasant high school gym 15 January at 1930! Main event is Mike Modest vs. Fallen Angel Chris Daniels (hell yeah!) - also an 18 man Royal Rumble. Can you believe APW's slogan is "We Wrestle?"
Tony Garea knocks on the door, "you're up Gillberg!" Well, they're gonna do it. DUANE GILL comes out roaring and hitting himself. A "Gillberg" chant is played over the PA as the cops and Gillberg walk out slowly. Cole notes that although we hear a chant, no one is standing and no one's mouth is moving. Lawler: "What are you tryin' to say, you hear it, don't you?" For the second time I see a sign saying "Foley put MY ass in this seat" and he's out - with SCORPIO, BOB HOLLY and BLUE MEANIE holding sparklers around his head as some weak pyro goes off and Gill does a pretty damn funny Goldberg impersonation. Then he chokes on the smoke. I'm sorry, but this is pretty damn funny. You don't suppose tonight is the night he finally loses that title, do you?
A MAN CALLED GILLBERG v. ? - "Gillberg doesn't wanna know who's next - Gillberg wants to know WHO'S FIRST?" Lord help us all, out comes LUNA. He tries a spear but Luna sidesteps it and Gill hits the post. Face rake on the rope by Luna, Gill brought back in. Golotta - and Gill cries like a little girl. Suplex attempt - nope - reverse, Gill holds her up a la that guy - but he loses his balance and Luna falls on him. Choke is on, breaking the count. Legdrop by Luna. "True to form, Gillberg only has one move!" Swandive splash - the blow probably cushioned by those breasts. 1, 2, 3. (1:04) "The count is on - Gillberg is 0 and 1!" SOME FAN bum rushes Luna - if you're "smart," it's Terri Power, if not, well, it's the same girl that was taken out last week after presenting a flower to Sable. How can she AFFORD to fly around the country to attend these events?
Let Us Take you back to last week where Shawn Michaels suffered the big beatdown. Let Us Take you back to Heat last night, where Super Sock suffered a beatdown of his own after refusing to accept Vince's apology. Cole and Lawler announce that Shawn goes under the knife tomorrow.
When we come back, DENNIS KNIGHT is raving to the commentators about "the One - Michael Cole, he's here! It's gonna be beautiful-" but the ACOLYTES are out and putting him out of microphone range. "Come with us, he's waiting" is apparently said. Tonight, we just *might* find out who "HE" is.
The 1999 Royal Rumble comes to you LONG DISTANCE from 10-10-220!
VAL VENIS v. ? - Val says his penis is big, or something. Then he hits on a random fan in the front row - or does he? KING KEN SHAMROCK is out and attacking from behind. Here's a big beatdown. Oh my God, is that woman *Cheryl Roberts*? Oh, no, it's just Shamrock's sister. His WHA? Well. I wonder if she knows Taka's sister.
BILLY GUNN steals the thunder by coming into the ring. "Maybe your sister liked that - but she's DAMN sure gonna like this" and he shows off his thong. Of course, Shamrock rushes the ring to take care of that - BIG BOSS MAN joins him and Venis and Gunn take off when the numbers even up. Shamrock tells Gunn, fine, he can have a title shot at the Royal Rumble, but he'll be lucky to escape with his life. At least, I THINK that's what he was saying - my ass was CALLING somebody.
In the locker room we see Mankind and Austin talking - or are they arguing?
Another APW local spot. "TOO HOT TO HANDLE!" You know, Scaia shouldn't dis APW like he does - they're good people.
RAW is WAR is brought to you by America (ha!) Online, Castrol GTX for Hard Drivin' and Western Union!
X-PAC. v. AL SNOW for the European Title - Snow has apparently STILL not found Head after Goldust snarfed it last night on Heat. New "WWF European Championship" graphic. Back and forth we go, hiptoss by X-Pac - dropkick - no Bronco buster as Snow goes outside, 'pac follows and it's own. Chop (woooo!), back in, Snow with kicks - both arms down - repeated headbutts. Snow looks for Head and X-Pac comes back. Whip is reversed but the boot is up. Tiltawhirl backbreaker by Snow. Snow looking around again but he's back on him. Snapmare, knee in the back while Snow looks some more. X-pac elbows out, into the corner, lariat ducked, spinning heel kick by 'pac. Whip, duck, somersault clothesline? Whip, duck, powerslam by Snow for 2. Bodyslam by Snow - to the top rope - moonsault misses. Another spinning heel kick by the Kid. Snow is in the corner - this time the bronco buster DOES hit. GOLDUST is out - shows Snow Head, then waffles him with it. X-Pac hits the X Factor - 1, 2, 3. (2:55) Snow goes out after Goldust and gets ANOTHER head shot. He follows one more time, but we cut to
Backstage, we see Vince talking to Kane - "So you want to do this on your own, huh? No Patterson, no Brisco? Well you damn well better make sure you DO it." It's NEXT?
10-10-220 brings you the WWF Rewind. From last Monday, Kane destroys Patterson and Brisco.
Exterior shot of the Compaq center. We turned the hour as that last match ended, by the way. We'll probably roll some credits as the challenger walks to the ring - yup.
MANKIND v. KANE for the WWF Championship - hmm, *THIS* hour is rated TV-14. Somebody bleeds tonight! Or gets naked. That "WWF Championship" graphic looks good, too. That start on the outside - already Kane has the STEEL steps, but Mankind keeps him from landing the blow, kicks him to the mat and takes his head to the steps. And again. He's on the apron - breaking the count. Drop toehold onto the steps! Mankind has the steps - STEEL to the back! Mankind back in the ring - is this no DQ? Ha. Kane gets up and delivers a hot shot before reentering the ring. Kick, chop to the throat, headbutt, whip, Mankind puts up an elbow, right, right, right, right, lotsa rights by Mankind. Mankind charges - Kane catches and drops him spinebuster style. To the rope, whip out, big boot and Mankind goes down. Mankind is laid across the second rope and Kane sits on him, then grabs the mask. Austin will appear in Las Vegas Saturday! Uppercut by Kane, whip, head down, Mankind with a PILEDRIVER for 2. Mankind with a baseball slide dropkick and he's outside again. There's a shot - another piledriver set up but Kane stands up - and then BACKS Mankind's back right into the STEEL steps! Kane rolls Mankind back in the ring and follows. Cover but only 2. Kane outside - to the top rope - Superflyingclothesline! but only 2. Choke is applied - but before the chokeslam can happen, Mankind hits a Golotta as referee "Blind" Earl Hebner is distracted by a speck of dust at ringside. Double underhook DDT, Mr. Socko is out - it's on but Kane is in the corner. And he's wearing a mask. Mankind isn't breaking the hold, though. Kane stands up with Mankind on his back - he's slid down - TOMBSTONE! Both men are down - zombie situp by Kane. Cover - 1, 2, THE ROCK is out and breaks up the pin. Hebner calls for the bell (DQ 6:05) while Rock grabs a chair and PASTES - KANE? Now chairshots for both men. NOW the sound of breaking glass brings STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN to the ring. Rock invites Austin in, but doesn't see Mankind come up from behind and lift the chair. Austin and Mankind stand in the ring while Kane is still out. Mankind offers Austin the chair - Austin reluctantly takes it - then gives the Stunner to Mankind (and one for Kane as well). Hey, Austin's STILL an ass! "Austin wants a piece of the Rock!" Austin walks up the ramp - stops - and we take an ad break.
Back in a dressing room, Rock lashes out at Vince - HE is gonna get back the title. HE is gonna make Mankind scream "I quit!"
TRIPLE H (with That Slut Chyna) v. EDGE (you think you know him) - wow, EVERYBODY in DX has to wrestle twice tonight (except Chyna, har har). H with ersatz Buffer, Edge with a walk through the crowd. You know, when Edge smiles, I get uneasy. Lockup, back and forth, it's a slobberknocker or somethin'. Back elbow by H. Head to the turnbuckle, Helmsley climbs the ropes and the Ten Punch Countalong is stopped at five when Edge counters with the Snake Eyes. Spinning heel kick by Edge - no cover, it's a choke instead. Break, choke, break. Edge takes him off the ropes and there's a lariat. Head to the buckle, H FINALLY comes back with a boot, a first, a whip, reversal, Edge with a flapjack for 2. Edge hits the corner hard when H ducks a splash attempt. H peppering him with rights, whip, duck, duck, high knee hits. Whip is reversed, but the head is down, there's the jawbreaker on the knee - only 2 for Triple H. Whip into the corner, Edge gets a foot up - coming out - Edge eats a boot to the gut and the Pedigree is set up - but Edge drops his arms, takes him down, and slingshots him into the corner turnbuckle. Gut shot, swinging neckbreaker, no the attempt is blocked and THERE'S your Pedigree. 1, 2, 3. (2:55) Well if a member of the Brood loses, you know something's gonna happen afterwards. Sure enough, here's GANGREL & CHRISTIAN - as the lights go out we hear that D-GENERATION X has joined the fray. When the lights come back up, it's the Road Dogg that is covered in blood. He says something that gets muted while Triple H looks on in disbelief. Looks like James is unhappy that only HE is wearing the red Jell-O.
I have a new RAW rule - if a Gregorian chant comes over the PA, something that sucks is about to happen. Something looking like a gigantic chair is on the ramp - it has the infamous Undertaker logo on it - the ACOLYTES stand over DENNIS KNIGHT, who is lying on a table. Don't tell me it's true, they're gonna work ol what'shisname into this. Some DRUIDS appear - BONG - yup, there's THE UNDERTAKER in yet another goofy outfit. PAUL BEARER is with him. Undertaker sits on his throne (oh, that's what that is) and Bearer bows before him. Have we seen ol' Undie since he was Buried Alive(tm)? Must be taped: "...down in a grave as if it would be my final resting place. Filling it with the Earth's rotting soil. They tried to destroy me. Wishing I would just go away, but what is it? What have they really done? The simple minds of mortal men - they've sent me back to the place that is my origin. Destroy me? The more they try, the more powerful I've become. And now, I've risen from my earthly grave, and now I will slay the ones I once saved. The reckoning is upon us - the day that the Ministry of Darkness seizes the land, destroys all that you hold dear, make plaything of your heroes, and devour your innoncence. The plague of darkness is coming - an all-encompassing evil from which there is no escape, no mercy, no hope. It's call the Future. And in the future, I will look down upon thee, and I will decide whether you're an agent of darkness, or are you just mere kindling for my fires? The power of darkness shall be offered only to a chosen few, and those that resist the temptations of my Ministry - pain becomes synonymous with punishment. Embrace the darkness and relish in the unearthly delight that pain has to offer. Resist, and there are no limits to the torment that you subject yourself to. Don't fight it - it will tear your soul apart. So let my servants be few and secret - they shall rule the many and the known for for am I the leader of men, the chaser of souls, the weaver of nightmares. I am the heart of darkness. I am now, and ever will be, the purity of evil. The Hell you were threatened with as a child is no longer an option, it is a reality - a living, breathing reality. And you all are right in the middle of it. Yes, Hell has relocated to Earth." My friends, *Hell* is watching THIS crap take place before my eyes. I should note that Paul has been brandishing a dagger in a Freudian manner. Undertaker walks over to Knight and starts chanting as if he were about to embalm him ... oh, SHIT, he's slitting his wrist. I do not want to see this. There's lotsa - blood? which drips into a Gangrel-lookin' goblet. "Bullshit" chant from crowd, that's right. "From this moment on, you are no longer Dennis Knight - you are Minion! Now drink." While Bradshaw says something in the background, Knight - Minion - take a swig, being sure to let it spill all over his chin so we can know that's ... whatever it is - his robe is opened up - and Undertaker CARVES his symbol into the chest of the new charge. Faarooq says something like "accept the pain." God, I so do not want to watch this. "Now, you will know why you are afraid of the dark, and you will learn why-" and a lightning bolt hits, setting a nearby logo on fire. Some dry ice smoke rises around Knight while Cole says "he's *floating!*" THIS WAS THE MOST FUCKING STUPID THING EVER. I don't care how much it costs, but drop this NOW. This is the kind of SHIT that makes columnists QUIT.
Cole and Lawler tell us they've never seen anything like this before. Fucking lamers, speak up and tell us thais was the STUPIDEST thing ever PUT on RAW. Come ON.
WHO IS THAT GUY? HE LOOKS SO FAMILIAR... OH, IT'S D'LO BROWN & PMS come to the ring. As we see a clip from last week, we learn that apparently, Terri is fine, but lost the baby. "You know I came out here tonight for one reason and one reason only - and that's to apologise to you Terri for my actions last week. I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean to cause you any harm. I didn't mean to cause you the pain and suffering and of course the great loss. Now Terri I told you I would do ANYTHING, anything you wanted me to - I'd do your laundry, I'd drive your damn car, I'll even fight for you - but what you want me to do here tonight - you know it's wrong and I know it's wrong and I'm not gonna do it." "D'Lo, I know you're a man of your word! You ARE gonna do this for me, right? You said you'd do anything for me, right?" "Terri, you know I am a man of my word, and that's the only reason I'm gonna do this. So let's just get this over with as fast as we can, let's get this over with." As Terri hides a smile, out comes his opponent...
D'LO BROWN v. SEXUAL CHOCKLIT MIZARK HENRY - Henry doesn't want to fight, and neither does Brown. Henry turns around, Jacqueline shoves Brown into Henry, who turns around and gives him what for. Now there's a shoving match, meanwhile Terri is giving a Golotta from behind. And *now*, THAT SLUT CHYNA & SAMMY are out. Chyna gives a good shove to Jacqueline, who, of course, pops out of her top. Chyna & Sammy rescue Henry, whose music starts up again. (no contest - under 1:00) You know, you can bitch all you want about tasteless miscarriage angles, but I STILL think we find out in the end that Terri was never pregnant. In fact, I wouldn't mind this whole segment EXCEPT it follows that stinking, festering pile of Ministry of Darkness. But Terri has really nice breasts.
The WWF Slam of the Week, presented by Glover, is the chairshot that won Mankind the title, by Austin on Rock.
Backstage, we see Chyna fetching Henry a drink while Sammy takes care of him. Oh, yeah, Sammy's a man. Oops.
Training footage of Vince McMahon running through the snow while Shane provides motivation (from a limo). Amusing moment has Vince saying he's a "CEO of a Fortune 500 company" right before chasing a chicken around in the snow. Then he tenderizes a side of beef. Rocky - I mean Vince - tells Shane this isn't really a movie, and Shane's gonna pay when this is all done.
CORPORATE ROYAL RUMBLE - Winner gets #30 - KING KEN SHAMROCK (with Skippy) comes to the ring and backstage we see Mr. Ass as we take our final ad break.
When we come back, we see that Shane has joined the commentary team. BILLY GUNN makes it to the ring. Hey, this would be the first wrestling in, like, half an hour! Of course, Shamrock is an idiot, as he hits a pescado on Gunn before he enters the ring, eliminating himself. Shamrock continues to administer a beating on Gunn - hey look, Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savitovich! I guess this show is en espanol donde sea disponible! The clock counts down (around a minute interval?) and BIG BOSS MAN comes out while Shamrock is persuaded to leave. Gunn is holding a leg - nope, he's fine. Whip, reverse, duck, flying jalapeno from Gunn. Bossman is up and there's a double sledge. Stompin' continues. Foot on the throat. Bossman tries to put him over the top rope but fails. The Outlaw theme plays but it must be a swerve because TEST comes out. Bossman holds Gunn and test gives him a big boot. Gunn wraps a leg around the bottom rope and still won't go out. X-PAC is next and he's a dynamo - whoops, Bossman got him. Gunn has found a surge of entergy - dueling hiptosses, wow, Test gets the hiptoss that works and Gunn is over the top rope. GREAT powerbomb by Test. X-Pac up with a fist, but Bossman takes him back down. ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES is in and on Test. Bossman and X-Pac are still tied up while James gets the better of Test. He's still wearing some "blood." Next man out is KANE - the lights actually go out for his entrance, which has to suck if you're trying to fight in the middle of the ring. Kane takes James to the turnbuckle, and has little trouble taking him over the top rope as X-Pac fires back with a back bodydrop on Bossman. But now it's three on one so there's no hope for X-Pac. Next man out is TRIPLE H. Clothesline on Test, another, right hands - Kane grabs him but Test's clothesline misses and hits Kane by accident when H ducks. Kane grabs Test in the chokeslam position and deposits him. H and 'pac double clothesling Kane and HE goes out. Bossman pushes X-Pac out and now it's just he and Triple H. Toe to toe. Eyepoke by Triple H. Whip, reverse, back elbow, crotch choppin'. Bossman set on the top rope and Helmsley tries to push him over - nope. The buzzer goes off - huh? Holy crap, VINCENT K. is in this contest. He's out in a tank top and showing off his strangely massive physique. McMahon is in and dumps BOTH Triple H and Bossman. He does a Hogan-esque rip of his shirt - but the buzzer goes off again - holy crap 2! THAT SLUT CHYNA is in this Corporate Rumble and we ALL forgot about it! Patterson and Brisco try to play human shield but she wants in, finally they both get decked. Then we hear glass - and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is out to make sure we don't forget about him. Fortunately, instead of something goofy happening like McMahon eliminating himself just to avoid him, Chyna sneaks up from behind and pushes him over the top rope. McMahon takes a WICKED flip on his way out and hits his back on the apron - what a Champ! Austin walks off laughing and as the Stooges stand over the fallen boss, we're out of time. (10:49)
The saddest thing of all is that most everything that wasn't - wasn't - well, you know, was pretty GOOD. But there's no way I can be happy coming out of this show. You can talk about drawing all the lines you want, but the only line *I* care about is the one that delinates Shit I'll Watch from Shit I Won't Watch. I won't watch that shit. Well, I HAVE to watch it, so I'll watch it. But you won't enjoy what I say about it if YOU happen to like it. Got a problem with that? You know everybody's email address.