/14 June 1999
WWF RAW is WAR
If you're concerned about the state of Indiana's attempt to ban ALL
wrestling from ALL Indiana National Guard Armories, you may want to click
over to the WCWO
website and get the skinny. You may also want to make fun of them for
saying "let's BAN together" as opposed to say "let's BAND together" but be
nice about it. The preceding message comes from the incredibly talented
and cool Jason Amos, who wanted me to let you know, and so I have.
Because what Jason Amos wants, Jason Amos gets! Yes, he DID bribe me - I
mean, send me a nice birthday present involving Steve Blackman! Jason's
the man! You the man, Jason!
All right, enough of that.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "I'm a shill." - Bob Ryder, 4 June 1999
One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
"the Greater POWER" clip montage attempts to make sense of Vince being the Greater Power - TV-14-DLV ratings box - lots of Stephanie clips reinforce how dastardly those McMahon boys are - repeated inserts of Vince saying "Even my FAMILY bought it!" Clip of Shane fastcounting the title off Austin and onto the Undertaker. Clips of Linda building us up to the announcement that Austin's the new CEO.
"Earlier Today - WWF Headquarters - Stamford, CT" - we see a parking space - the "Reserved Mr. McMahon" has been crossed out and replaced with a skull and "STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN" - will his truck FIT in there?
Opening Credits - RAW IS WAR'S ALONE WITH THAT GUY!
FIREWORKS! We are coming to you from the Unnamed Arena in Worceseter, MA Flag Day 1999 (but taped 8.6) closed captioned and en espanol donde sea disponible on USA & TSN. Tonight we'll take a look at Stone Cold Steve Austin's first day on the job
Outside Titan Towers, we see Austin address some men with wheelbarrows. Then he walks inside and harasses a receptionist. Instead of "Good morning, World Wrestling Federation," he tells her to say "Who the hell is this?" and "What the hell do you want?" Then he makes her say "Hell yeah." Then he makes her bark like a dog! Well, no, he doesn't do THAT, but...boy, I can't WAIT for the further hilarity to ensue!
The MINISTRY OF CORPORATE ... UMM, WHAT WAS IT AGAIN? makes it's way to the ring to, no doubt, set up tonight's fun and festivities. I'm guessing the crowd's really MISSED chanting "asshole" to Vince. Hey, there's the Mean Street Posse, despite losing that Loser Leaves Town match a while back... oh well. "I must say, you're downright rude! You know the only thing worse than Stone Cold being the World Wrestling Federation - quite frankly, I didn't think there could BE anything worse than that - but the only thing worse than that is Stone Cold being the CEO, the Chief Executive Officer of the company! Now last Monday night was to have been a celebration. Last Monday night was to have been a culmination of three months of blood, sweat and tears, of three months of planning, scheming, and indeed executing the greatest Machliavellian plan in the HISTORY of the World Wrestling Federation! But sometimes - sometimes (pausing for chant) sometimes plans go awry, and when they do, that tests the mettle of a man. It tests the mettle of an organisation, and there are those among you who would think that there must be some cracks in the foundation of the Corporate Ministry now. There are some among you who feel as though the Corporate Ministry is about to dissolve. There may even be some of you who wish that the Corporate Ministry would in fact disintegrate. (Right here!) Well, that's only wishful thinking because that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen tonight - that's not gonna happen any night! You see, the Corporate Ministry is focused. The Corporate Ministry sets its sights on the future and as such, Shane McMahon and I have given great deliberation to the future - great deliberation to the King of the Ring. Stone Cold Steve Austin has challenged Shane & Vince McMahon in a handicap match, which we, the McMahons, EAGERLY anticipate, the only question is, Shane, what sort of stipulation are we going to add to this handicap match?" This devolves into a discussion of stipulations - and to help them decide on stipulations, they decide to involve WWF Superstars in matches that they can watch. First up - a Dog Pound match - a dog collar match between Road Dogg and Mr. Ass. Shane suggests a David vs. Goliath match - and maybe the Big Show and X-Pac could play the parts tonight. Shane has another idea - maybe the Acolytes playing the part of Vince & Shane; and playing the part of Austin, Kane. Vince suggests a Blindfold match - in fact, a Blind Date match - putting a blindfold on Test and putting him in the ring with the Big Bossman, who will NOT have a blindfold. Vince thinks maybe a straitjacket match - playing the part of Austin, Ken Shamrock. The opposition, NOT in a straitjacket, will be Jeff Jarrett. Vince promises that tonight will be a night that the Corporate Ministry won't forget for a long time. Now PAT PATTERSON & GERALD BRISCO walk out. Pat: "I've known you for twenty long years, and Vince, you damn know that Stephanie is my godchild. I understand, Vince, that business is business, but how in the hell can you put your lovely daughter - my godchild - through such an ordeal? How can you do that?" "Are you questioning my judgement?" "You're damn right I'm questioning you, and I want some answers!" "Well listen pal, you better get right with yourself and with me or otherwise you don't wanna hear my answers." "Whoa - is that a threat? Well, Vince let me tell you something. If this is a threat, you and Shane can go STRAIGHT TO HELL!" Brisco: "And while you and Shane, Mr. Mac Man are on that trip to hell, you'd better stop and get your own damn coffee." Vince decides to book a match between Patterson & Brisco against Mideon & Viscera. "This will be a night - for ALLLLLLLL to remember!"
Here's the World Premiere of Rock's "Gettin Chefy with It" Chef Boyardee commerical. It mainly involves pictures of the Rock standing around. In one scene, he actually appears to be eating ravioli! WOW!
Austin has made his way to Mr. McMahon's office, where three ladies welcome him. One gets coffee, one gets chateau briand ("I like a good wine every now and then myself") and the other is the backup. Austin sends one woman off to get a cold beer (Cooooold beeeeer.....cooooold beeeeer...) , the second to get another cold beer, and the third to get a Crown & 7. "Mr. Austin? There's a board meeting in five minutes." "Ehh, I don't like board games..." Good Lord, is Austin REALLY this stupid? How'd he get this far?
ROAD DOGG v. MR. ASS in a Dog Pound match - Let Us Take You Back to Last Night on Heat where despite interference from Chyna, Dogg managed to counter the Fame'asser and score the pinfall in their tag team matchup. Dogg leads the crowd in a "Suck it." Ass comes out in a neck brace - oh no, he may be unable to compete tonight! Crowd chants "bullshit." Dogg says "Kane, get back in there" and Gunn WHIPS his neck around to see if Kane's there - aha, he got caught! So Gunn goes after him instead of putting on the dog collar. Hanging spot over the second rope. Back in the ring - snapmare, chain wrapped around the fist for the fistdrop - somehow there's a kickout at 2. You would THINK that a shot with a chain would hurt a bit more. Eh. Off the ropes, wrapped fist misses - Dogg does his dancin' and punchin' shtick. There's a wiggly wobbly woojly kneedrop on a chain on the face - 1, 2, THAT SLUT CHYNA is out and pulling Dogg off him. Chyna manages to grab the chain, which has conveniently been placed behind Dogg - and yanks hard, pulling the chain between Dogg's legs and into a sensitive area. Fame'asser is academic, 1, 2, 3 (1:52) Doubleteam is on and Chyna is unstoppable and unloading a barrage of chain-wrapped fists. Gunn is amused and finally pulls Chyna off of her King of the Ring opponent. Dogg bleeds for effect as Gunn shows him his ass. Here's some replays.
Backstage, we see Ken Shamrock arrive. He's met by Sergeant Slaughter, who announces that these five cops will be his personal escort tonight. As he moves to tell him about the straitjacket match later, we step aside for an ad break.
The WWO brings lucha libre action to San Jose! Perro Aguayo's farewell tour takes on Rey Mysterio (no, not THAT one) - Sunday 20 June 5pm at the San Jose Plaza & Rodeo Arena at the Fair Ground - doors open at 3pm. Don't miss Huicho Dominguez and all the stars of WWO & AAA!
Hey, look, it's the Rock - and he's - he's - WALKING! His cast is gone, too.
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week and the cast match - where the Rock was all ready to take out Triple H with the People's Elbow, until the Undertaker intervened and verily did he chokeslam most mightily.
ROCK is out to speak to the people. See if you can figure out where to sing along. "Finally, the Rock has come back to Worcester! Undertaker, by getting involved in the Rock's match last week, and that is direcketly check yourself into the Smack Down hotel! Undertaker, you think you impress the Rock by coming out here with your Undertaker symbol and claim to steal souls of all the jabronies? You think you impress the Rock by taking your eyes and rolling them up into the back of your head? Well the Rock saysif you really wanna impress the Rock, then you will come to King of the Ring and you will put the WWF title on the line and go one - on one - with the Great One! And Undertaker, when the Great One's music hits - 'Do you smell what the Rock is cookin'?' - and twenty thousand asses are standing on their feet, with goosebumps running through their body, all chanting the Rock's name - ROCK-E ROCK-E ROCK-E ... (smell it) ... then ... then Undertaker, you bring your monkey ass to the People's Ring, and you come, and you try and sacrifice the People's Champ, but here's the twist - instead, Undertaker, of takin' your eyes and rolling them up into the back of your head, the Rock says take your entire 33 pound head, turn it backwards like 'the Exorcist,' have it roll down your back, catch it with both your hands, and then Undertaker the Rock says take your own head and proceed to shove it direckely up your candy ass!" Why'd I just transcribe that? BONG...UNDERTAKER & PAUL BEARER appear at the top of the entranceway. "All right young man, singalong time is over. What you're doing is you're out here - your mouth is writing cheques your ass can't cash. What you fail to realise, boy, is I've crippled more people than polio. You can't be first, but you can be next. So in response to your nursery rhyme, let me put it like this, Rock. It's time for you to go to the Learning Tree. King of the Ring - I accept." But now VINCENT K. & SKIPPY are out and Vince is asking us to hold the phones. The only thing electrifying about the Rock these days are the gaudy shirts he wears - he doesn't deserve the #1 Contendership. Vince suggests that, however, if he can win a non-title match with the Undertaker, then he can have that title shot at King of the Ring. Rock says he'll do it tonight, if ya smelllllllllllllllllll what the Rock is cookin'. Shane says, oh, one more thing, since this is a Very Special Night of Stipulations, there will be a special stipulation added to THIS match, but the Rock won't be informed of it until five minutes before the match, "if ya smell what the Mac's are cookin'."
There's Debra and Jeff Jarrett - hoo boy! They're WALKING!
The WWF Rewind is brought to you by "Centipede!" From last week's RAW, Nicole Bass misdirects a guitar onto Val Venis, Val takes umbrage, and Bass breaks things off before Venis can.
RAW is WAR is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily - buy a case and get a six foot WWF Superstar poster! And by Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli, AND by WWF: The Music, Volume 3 - get it at NRM.
DE-BRA (with Jedoublef Jadoubleredoublet) v. IVORY (with - sigh) for the Women's Championship - it's either really cold in there or that top comes with built in nipples. Ivory is dressed to wrestle, which is pretty confusing considering she's a woman. Let Us Take You Back Eight Days to the beginning of the problems between Ivory and Debra during a match on Heat. Debra gets in the first shot - Ivory goes for the hair. Head to the buckle - again! NICOLE BASS is out - Ross calls her the "angry Amazon." Debra manages to hit a head to the buckle. Now a choke on the top rope. Ivory takes her scarf and chokes Debra with it - now a snapmare - wow, Debra can flip! There's ANOTHER! Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda has a conversation with Ivory about that scarf (it goes like this: "Hey, Ivory, what the HELL is up with that scarf anyway?") and while that's going on, Debra picks the scarf off the apron and gets a choke in of her own. Jarrett's up on the apron now to help Debra keep the choke on, but unfortunately, while he's still distracted, Bass comes in and puts a REAL choke on Debra - no scarf needed for Bass! She drops Debra - Ivory covers and Chioda counts 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Women's Champion. (1:24) She's FIERCE! I guess. Jarrett consoles Debra, who grudgingly gives props to Ivory - then she asks Jarrett what the hell happened. Jarrett says he's still got HIS title so everything's okay. Bass and Ivory exchange a high five as they walk out.
In the board room, Austin displays the new Orientation Manual, which looks a lot like the Very Special "3:16" Magazine. There's two boxes of Busch Light on the table ("I come to this board meeting and you give me LIGHT beer?") - Austin fires a Vice President, and promotes a mail room clerk in his place. Austin harangues the MIS Director, who Ross calls "a nerd." Hey, piss off, Ross! Computer people play a bigger part in your life than you'll EVER care to admit! Anyway, Austin passes out beers and says that there'll be a beer drinking contest - anybody still standing at the end won't be fired. Ross speculates that this is the first beer many of them will ever taste. RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.
I know that this is probably incredibly amusing to a lot of folks, and I realise that with every birthday I get further and further from the ideal demographics for today's WWF, but .... well, I guess I don't have a point. I just like wistfully sighing during the ad breaks.
The JVCKaboom!box Slam of the Week is last week's Big Show chokeslam of the Undertaker through the ring.
Let Us Take You Back During the Break, as we see Pat Patterson attempt to leave. That's like, smart! Brisco stops him. "How much can I take, Gerry? I'm 58 years old! How much can I take from Vince McMahon!" "Come on, you can't let him win! I've got a plan..."
TEST v. BIG BOSSMAN in a Blind Date Match - Let Us Take You Back to Last Night on Heat where Test came THIS close to winning the Intercontinental Title - ending the confusion of why we saw Harvey Wippleman reffing for the first time in a great long while - you couldn't have a REAL WWF referee get seduced! Referee "Not blind - just blindfold" Theodore Long blindfolds Test - Bossman waves his hand in front of Test, then slaps him. Test swings wildly and misses. Bossman striking at will. He kicks him in the ass! Bossman waving and Test missing. Kidney shot from Bossman. Bossman enrages the fans - ducks a blow but test hits a lucky blow and Bossman falls like a tree. Bossman calls to Test, who takes him down and punches away. Bossman goes for his nightstick and gets him in the back of the head. (DQ 1:16) Bossman dispenses with Teddy Long and before he can get back to Test, STEPHANIE is out and putting herself between Bossman and Test. Bossman decides to take off. Lawler thinks there just MAY be more to this relationship than meets the eye.
Austin walks into Human Resources and sexually harrasses a HR Specialist. Then he finds a prototypical stuffy old man and turns him into a big barrel of fun, getting him to say "ass" with gusto and swagger down the hall.
X-PAC v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with the RAW Credits and TV-14-DLV ratings box) in a "Davey & Goliath" match - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week, just in case you've missed the chokeslam through the ring from the Slam of the Week spot. Big Show says he'll be happy to forfeit. X-Pac says hey man, remember when we were both in the NWO? No, actually, he says he's cool having the match. He's still shrugging it off until X-Pac hits a kick - and so he pushes him clear out of the ring. Now THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE is out - *he'll* take the match. X-Pac is less than thrilled at this, and follows him in the ring. Kane pushes him off, X-Pac spins him around and Kane LEVELS him into the corner. Referee "Blind" Jim Korderas says "Nuts to this" and takes off as Kane makes some flashpots ignite. Before Kane can attack, X-Pac takes HIM down with a spinning heel kick. Then he unleashes a second spinning heel kick to take Big Show out of the ring. He quickly gets up on the apron, and, seeing Kane and X-Pac shoving in the ring, walks off instead. Kane and X-Pac exchange looks as we cut to
Tony Garea cinches up the straitjacket while Sergeant Slaughter supervises. Shamrock acts pissed and says "get out of my way" a lot. Tim White lets us know he's got the key.
Austin baseball jersey ad.
Oh, (no contest)
Replays of earlier Austin clips - in case you were watching some other show in the previous hour - also replays of McMahon promising that the Corporate Ministry would never disintegrate - not tonight, not any night.
Let Us Take You Last Week and show the ENTIRE matchup between Shamrock and McMahon in the Lion's Den - thanks to a timely chairshot from Jarrett
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. KING KEN SHAMROCK (with five cops) in a Straitjacket Match - Jarrett wants to attack before he makes it to the ring, but referee "Blind" Tim White holds him back. Shamrock manages to knuckle up despite not being able to hit his own face. Jarrett tries to punch but decides to jump around instead. Kick from Shamrock - no. Jarrett ducks a kick and spears him - but Shamrock grapevines a leg with HIS legs and Jarrett is forced to the ropes. Jarrett goes for him again. Shamrock gets an arm and his head between the knees and Jarrett again grabs the rope. Shamrock with a drop toehold! Jarrett FINALLY gets to stompin' on the prone Shamrock. Jarrett pulls Shamrock out onto the apron and drops an elbow on his head. Another elbow. And another elbow. Back in the ring, stomp. STomp, stomp, stomp, pushing away the ref, sotmp, stomp, the ref gets the break, Shamrock manages a kick, then hits a shoulderblock coming out - off the ropes, nice leg lariat. Head scissors - choking him out and Jarrett taps! (2:30) Saddest thing is that was the longest match so far and probably had the most wrestling moves in it. Shamrock refuses to release the hold - White pulls out the key and dangles it in front of him and before the hold is released, VINCENT K. is out, taking White out with one right hand - and he nicks the key and runs off - Shamrock goes outside and beats up the STEEL steps, then screams.
Patterson feels a lot better - he likes Brisco's plan. Why, those two old guys are...WALKING!
WWF Attitude: LIVEvent, thanks to JVCKaboom!box, make a stop at the San Jose Arena Friday, 16 July - tickets still available!
GTV black'n'white with Mr. Ass and some lucky woman who gets to shave his ass. A zit is discovered, and mirth and mayhem ensues. This is the WWF!
PAT PATTERSON & GERALD BRISCO v. MIDEON & VISCERA - Of COURSE, "Real American" accompanies the "legends" to the ring. Both men grab chairs on their way in - I guess THAT'S the plan. Let Us Take You Back to last week where the Mean Street Posse returned under masks, only to end up having some gotten of them from the two chaps we now see in the ring. I think they change the spelling of the former Dennis Knight just to annoy me. Before this match starts, the MEAN STREET POSSE attack from behind and get a small taste of revenge. They are joined by their fellow Corporate Ministry members and Ross gets wink-nod-smart line of the night following a Viscera splash of Patterson "Patterson under all that humanity! That's the largest man that's ever been on Patterson!" An apple cart full of referees and officials try to stop the beatdown and fail. Just to confuse me, Ross calls Rodney "Rod Lionheart" ONCE. Lionheart? Lion...huh?
Here's a shot of the Rock, pacing. And, no doubt, trying to figure out what the stipulation could for his match LATER TONIGHT!
The old HR guy, now sloshed, takes Austin to accounting. Austin asks to see some books. Austin points to some red numbers. "Those are losses? What are they?" "Well, unfortunately they're mostly from some things you're involved in - there's the Zamboni incident, and the limousine incident, and the beer truck, the TitanTron-" Austin cuts him off and moves to another big number - it's Vince's salary. Austin tells him to cut off some zeros and add them to Mick Foley's salary, 'cause he needs to pay some medical bills. Then he tells him to change Shane's salary to the beer budget. Cooooooold beeeeeeer.....cooooooooold beeeeeeeer....
THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE v. ACOLYTES for the Tag Team Championship in a Handicap Match - hey, I put the odds of Kane winning at a conservative 75%! Because THIS IS THE WWF! Kane actually decides to attack before the bell, and the Acolytes end up going down. Faarooq thrown in the ring and we get the opening bell. It's all Kane on Faarooq. Whip is reversed, back bodydrop attempt is countered but Bradshaw's made it in and the doubleteam works. Whip into the corner, Faarooq whips Bradshaw into Kane. Right hand. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed, sidewalk slam on Bradshaw. Off the ropes, did he DANCE before that elbowdrop? Let's hope I was just seeing things. Faarooq in - Faarooq out. Kane on the top rope - flying clothesline on Bradshaw. Bradshaw reverses a whip, off the ropes, Kane eats a big boot. Bradshaw clotheslined over the top. The Acolytes meet and pull Kane outside. Kane takes Bradshaw to the timekeeper's table where we hear him hit the bell. Uppercut to Faarooq. Faarooq reverses a whip and Kane runs into a Bradshaw lariat. Head to the commentary table. Again. Double shove into and over the STEEL steps. They take turns hammering Kane with rights, and then forearms. Now stomping is added. Kane thrown back in. Double suplex - very nice. Bradshaw covers - 1, 2, Kane lifts a shoulder, then does a zombie situp. Faarooq actually outside waiting for a tag. Kane into the corner, coming out with a clothesline. Bradshaw muscles him to his corner and tags Faarooq following a doubleteam. Faarooq with a hard right. Another right. Tag to Bradshaw. Faarooq continuing the punches and Bradshaw lays into him with a kick. Kane whips Bradshaw into a corner but he puts up the boot. Kane ducks a clothesline off the ropes and hits the (goozle? Ha!) chokeslam. Faarooq in and on him. Off the ropes, Kane reverses into a short clothesline. Uppercut, off the ropes, head down, Faarooq with a kick, Kane ducks the followup and has him ready for the chokeslam, but Faarooq hits a low blow while Bradshaw reenters with a chair. Chair to the back, chair to the head - double hangman's neckbreaker and that'll do it. 1, 2, 3. Well, that was kind of a pleasant surprise. (5:34 bell to bell - a bit more before the bell) X-PAC is quickly out with a chair to protect his partner. The Acolytes consider attacking, but Kane hits another zombie situp so the Acolytes quickly get out of the ring. The chase is on...
Shamrock, still in the straitjacket, does damage to a locker room, then to himself, screams a lot, then he yanks an arm loose, but we're too busy trying to figure out what Austin is doing next and cut away for an ad break...
Back at Titan Towers, we see the "shrine" to Mr. McMahon - we cut to Austin explaining that there isn't enough bull(bleep) in this office, so he calls in the wheelbarrow guys, who dump dung on the floor. I should note that the Busch Light has been replaced with Natural Light. Now we see Austin pouring beer on the cow manure. Vince and Shane, having watched this on their monitor, now stride with purpose to the ring - however - this means that - oh yes - they're WALKING!
That was the whole segment, too. Nuts!
The soulful sounds of "No Chance in Hell" accompany VINCENT K. & SKIPPY to the ring. "Austin - Stone Cold, you have disgraced the World Wrestling Federation with your mere presence in that beautiful edifice of the World Wrestling Federation World Headquarters. Austin, I won't forget - and I won't forgive what you've done on this - on this day. But hear this, Austin! We can't wait for the opportunity when you no longer will be the CEO. So this is our challenge, Austin! We take this CEO title of yours - we take Shane's stock in the company. We take Vince's stock in the company. And you take all of that, and you hang it - you hang it above a ring at the King of the Ring, and the ONLY way to REACH UP and GRAB IT ALLL AUSTIN IS BY CLIMBING A LADDER - that's right - Austin versus Shane and Vince is a ladder match, Austin. That's the stipulation. With only one other stipulation, by the way, to come tonight." THAT stipulation is apparently the one reserved for the Rock's tonight. Before Shane can announce it, however, the music of KING KEN SHAMROCK fires up and there he is! Freed from the straitjacket - Shamrock sprints from the ring, where he gives Shane a belly-to-belly suplex, and then chases after a running Vince.
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - where Ross says Vince SHOVES Shane into Shamrock - a closer look seems to confirm this. "During the Break" Vince trundles into his limo and forces the driver to take off NOW, leaving his son apparently.
The 1999 King of the Ring is brought to you by SUPER SOAKER! Charge it, pump it, soak it!
ROCK v. UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) for the #1 Contendership in some sort of stipulation match - Before Undertaker enters the ring, we hear the dying seagulls and there's TRIPLE H with THAT SLUT CHYNA. The stipulation, which Triple H apparently knows, is that tonight's match is really a Triple Threat match. Rock starts out attacking Undertaker, but Triple H comes in and the two quickly outman the one. Rock to the outside, and his opponents follow. Rock takes several spills on the commentary table. Notice how the tables only break on pay-per-views? Anyway, Triple H with an axehandle off the table to the floor. Back in the ring, they're just taking turns on the Rock in the corner. Triple H holding him for the hard right from the Undertaker. Right hand from Triple H. Undertaker covers but only gets 2. For the millionth time tonight, Lawler says "not tonight, not any night" and Ross says "I still think that's B.S." so it must be important. "Rock-key" chant from the crowd but it's not helping. Into the corner, clothesline ducked, and Rock hits one on Undertaker, but Triple H hits a clothesline of his own. Off the ropes, high knee from Triple H! Elbow from Undertaker. Another "not tonight, not any night"/"that's BS" moment - ALL RIGHT, I "GOT IT" GUYS. Triple H standing on the neck, and when referee "Blind" Earl Hebner takes exception to this bending of the rules and stops Triple H to talk about it, Undertaker gets a choke on behind his back. Off the ropes, Rock with a swinging neckbreaker on Triple H, but Undertaker hits a clothesline. Outside, Bossman-esque uppercut. Thrown through the ropes - both men out after him. Punch, right, Rock with right, right, right, Triple H with right. Undertaker with a shot as Triple H holds him. Now they're on the stage. Rock almost gets Undertaker to the edge of the stage, but Triple H stops him. HE gets run into the scaffolding, however. Undertaker runs Rock into the scaffolding. Chyna and Bearer discussing hairstyles, I guess. Choke with the shin from Undertaker. Is this a no countout match? I guess so. Where's the ref, anyway? Pedigree - no, a piledriver attempt - Rock reverses into a double leg, though, then hits a knee to the grawn. Now he's on the Undertaker - they're back down the ramp but Undertaker manages to reverse and take Rock's head to the STEEL steps. Undertaker with a straight right. Helmsley's caught up and HE hits a right, and now he's stomping away. Choke. Anybody seen Hebner lately? Ah, there he is - in the ring. We can only assume the managers have him tied up. Rock rolled back in the ring (!) and everybody's back in now. Right hand takes Rock to the mat. Undertaker picks him up, and hits another uppercut, there's another. Ross said "Onslaught!" He's thinking of Rick! More rights from the Undertaker, more kicks from Triple H. Out of the corner, boot up - clothesline on Triple H - Undertaker with another short, straight right hand. Arm wringer - is he gonna climb the ropes? Yup - but Rock pushes Triple H into the top rope and Undertaker falls to the apron. Rock firing back with a second win on Triple H - whip into the corner reversed - Pedigree attempt - no, another double leg to counter - catapult, but Triple H lands on Hebner! Rock Bottom coming up - but Undertaker is in and he's got him in the chokeslam! Undertaker moves his thumb 'cross his throat. Scoop - Rock pushes him off and into Triple H - and Undertaker comes back into the Rock Bottom! Can it be - the People's Elbow? Yup - stopping along the way to knock Triple H off the apron to the floor. Rock covers - but Hebner's still not ready. Referee "BLIND" MIKE CHIODA comes in and counts - 1, 2...Chyna pulls him out, then throws an elbow. Hebner, meanwhile, has recovered - 1...2....Helmsley makes a save. Triple H blocks a punch and throws one of his own. Undertaker right. Another. Off the ropes, reversal, Chyna grabs the legs, thinking it was the Rock - but it's the Undertaker who falls. Undertaker clotheslined out of the ring, and he decides to go for Chyan- putting her in a choke - Triple H grabs the Undertaker's hair, but Undertaker turns it into a hot shot on his "partner." Meanwhile, Rock's ready with the Rock Bottom! Hebner's in position - 1, 2, Undertaker's too late - 3!!! (11:13) The Rock is your winner and he'll get his title shot at King of the Ring. And NOW Triple H and the Undertaker are trading blows! The rest of the CORPORATE MINISTRY comes out and manages to separate the two as Ross proclaims that disintegration has begun. And we're gone!
And so am I! Goodbye!