/25 October 1999
WWF RAW is WAR
I GET LETTERS:
From Bethebunny: Hey Chris Hey Chris! Did...did you read
Scott Keith's Havoc '98 rant?? On WrestleLine, he used...the "F" word!!!!
Woo hoo! Happy days are here again! Chris, if they let you slip it back
into your reports, please let my email be the first to include the word.
Fuck. That was cool.
Bobby Gladon writes: Quick question: Why is NETCOP allowed to print out the word "fuck" in his HH recaps; yet you HAVE to say "frick"?
Finally, Scott Keith takes time out of his busy schedule to gloat: Hey, I managed to be the first one to get past the WrestleLine censors, with THREE instances of the word "Fuck" in the Havoc 98 Retro Rant that went up today.
MY question is: Who the fuck CARES? Must be the whole Russo/Ferrara thing, eh? WCW goes "adult," and WrestleLine drops the "F" bomb in celebration. Woo hoo!
QUICK QUOTE: WWFE coverage initiated at 23 7/8!
THE STORY OF MY LIFE: I was "Mambo No. 4." Really. Not many people know this.
TONIGHT: It WILL be settled in a STEEL cage - Test takes on the British Bulldog! Also, Triple H, the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin will probably have a few words for us. Stick around for sports entertainment action/adventure at ... it's finest? COMING UP!
Holy crap - Walker just karate kicked through the windshield of a CAR!! I got three words for that - "NOT BLOODY LIKELY"
I have it on good authority, by the way, that tonight's show was written by Kevin Kelly, Terry Taylor and "Joaquin," the late night custodial engineer at the EntertainmentTowers
One World Leader Attitude - TV-14-DLV - WWF!|
The Outlaws stand with Vince McMahon - they want their title shot TONIGHT - Vince says they deserve a shot, but tonight Christian & Edge get the title shot. They'd still like a match - they'll take anybody! How about the Rock & Sock Connection? Vince says Mankind is booked in a title match with Triple H. Hmmm, I guess he DID win the #1 Contendership in that DQ victory Thursday... Right about this time, Triple H enters the picture to grouse about having to defend his title against Mankind tonight. Somehow this leads to the suggestion of the Rock & Steve Austin teaming against the Outlaws tonight - and Vince thinks that that's not the worst idea he's heard all night.
Cut to the Godfather, who is WALKING! And looking for his ho's - and coincidentally, looking for Mark Henry. Godfather finds Henry behind a locked door, which he kicks down. And there he is surrounded by ho's. "Man, if this was a pastry shop you'd be eating all the profits! Let's go, it's time to go to work!"
Opening credits may display the symbol - but they are NOT close captioned
Yippee! Fireworks mean WE ARE LIVE 25.10.99 from the Providence Civic Center in Providence, RI (sign in crowd: "Finally the Rock has come back to our crappy little state") and broadcast in real time (more or less) on the USA Network and on TSN in Canada! Tonight, a big WWF title match - a big tag team title match - a big steel cage match - and a big tag team main event! With that said, let's quickly find a segment for our friendly Canadian censors to pre-empt...
GODFATHER (with Sexual Chocklit Mizark Henry & *26* - I mean, a baker's dozen ho's) v. VISCERA (with Mide-i-e-i-on) - Godfather's entrance takes about half an hour. Henry is a big man with a big appetite. Also, he's SCREWING HIS SISTER. Mideon has some nice new Undertaker logo face paint, and tights that may or may not actually spell his name correctly...hey, Viscera gets mic time! "Cut the music - Godfather - I know Mideon told ya he like farm animals - but I'm all right - I like ho's. Matter of fact, I like YOUR ho's. So I've got a proposition for ya. Let's have a winner take all match, and you put all the sexy ho's on the line." Godfather is agreeable, which shows that he's an idiot - what's Viscera putting up? NUTHIN'. "Hey Mark Henry, when I win this match, and I have all these sexy ho's, you can do whatever you want to 'em, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, hahahahahahaha." I *believe* that's actually the entire female population of Rhode Island in the ring there... Lockup, Viscera pushes him to the corner - pounding away. Referee "Blind" Tim White separates them while Mideon takes some free shots. White somehow sees this and decides to bar him from ringside. Short night for Mideon... Into the corner, boots up, Godfather kicking away, arm wringer, martial arts kick, double thrust, punching, off the ropes and Viscera hits his patented Alleged Spinning Heel Kick. Front facelock - suplex. Viscera off the ropes, fat ass splash misses. Godfather with three punches, there's a martial arts kick, fair to middlin' dropkick, and it's time once again for the Ho train! But...Mark Henry pulls Godfather down to the mat from behind. Godfather turns to face Henry, and gets squashed from behind in the corner by Viscera. One fat ass splash later, Viscera gets the 1, 2, 3. (2:11) Viscera invites Henry into the ring to deliver a splash of his own to Godfather, and he complies. Viscera and Henry walk off - two ho's left behind, and Viscera goes back into the ring and barks some orders - there's a kick to one of the ho's! FAT ASS SPLASH ON THE HO! The other ho, after the requisite look of shock, climbs on the back of Viscera and has no effect on him. After shrugging her off - there's a scoop - and there's a slam/splash combo. Here's a panty shot to serve as the cherry on this cheesecake. Bob Ryder doesn't want you to watch this. *I* just think Viscera got a lot more interesting... Here's our regular crew of EMT's including that blonde with the rack that we're all supposed to notice, so I guess I'm a sucker for mentioning her here. Here's some replays.
Look at the Rock! He's pacing! Is he growing a beard? HE'S TURNING HEEL!! GOTTA BE!!
Michael King Cole attempts to interview the Rock, but is met with
the Finger of Silence. Rock says some stuff starting with "Finally, the
Rock" and ends with "is cooking."
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago as Viscera splashes one ho and slams another.
Check out the ambulance loaded with ho's - and the Dudley Boyz looking on and yukking it up - that's the funniest thing they've ever seen, apparently! But - but they spent YEARS in ECW for crying out loud! Hey, there's Slaughter! And Cole again! Anyway, tonight, B.B. Ray will take on Kane.
Your hosts are JIM ROSS & JERRY LAWLER.
HOLLYS (with Scale) v. CHRISTIAN & EDGE for the tag team championship - the Champs enter first - which is wrong, by the way. We may be hearing about this most recent ladder match almost as long as Gorilla Monsoon used to remind us that the British Bulldog once won the coveted Samuvar Trophy at the Royal Albert Hall. (About fifteen different UK readers just felt the urge to write and correct my spelling, while still others are amazed I'd bust out a Monsoon tribute this late in the month). Hollys attack from behind as they pose on the turnbuckles. Edge hits a leg lariat on Hardcore - big back body drop - tag to Christian - tag to Crash. Off the ropes, Christian plants him. Blind tag from Hardcore - best dropkick in the business on Christian off the ropes. We see the Hardys and Terri watching a monitor in the back. Dueling counters battle ends with a right from Christian, both men off the ropes and a mid-air collision takes them both to the mat. Who will tag first? Tag to Crash - tag to Edge - Edge is a HOUSE AFIRE! Nice Ligerbomb on Crash - 1, 2, Hardcore saves. Christian in - brief Pier Four Brawl - Hardcore whipped into crash. All fours boost splash. Edge hits the spear on Crash after Hardcore sidesteps it - 1, 2, here's some outside interference for referee "Blind" Mike Chioda to ring the bell. (DQ 3:14) Hey, that's TOO COOL come back! I guess Brian Christopher is better. And now here's the HARDYS - and there's TERRI - and gosh, there sure seem to be a lot of tag teams in the WWF these days, don't there? Pier Eight Brawl ends as the Hardys and Edge & Christian join forces to take the other four out of the ring. Taylor double flapjacked into Christopher. Hollys and Too Cool out of the ring. Some music plays - whose is it? Dunno. Probably doesn't matter.
Hey look! It's ... do me a favour and zoom out just a TAD, would ya? Ahh, it's Mae Young - and Moolah! Guess they've made up. Moolah has a special announcement - NEXT!
The World Wrestling Federation is coming to San Jose LIVE Friday 26 November! Give thanks for the WWF LIVE!
Here's a look at the cage - and below it, FABULOUS MOOLAH & MAE YOUNG are in the ring with MICHAEL KING COLE. Moolah says that this is the greatest title in the world, and she thanks everyone for their support, but in all fairness, she can't devote the time to defend the title - therefore, she's announcing her retirement. Wait, here's IVORY with her (ugh) scarf and a broom. "Oh look, it's two witches in the ring. Happy Halloween! Nice costume, where'd you get it, the five and dime? Moolah, I found your ride parked out in the handicap spot." And she walks into the ring. "What's this I hear about you retiring? You're forgetting something, ma'am - you're forgetting the clause in the contract - the rematch clause - I get a shot at that title...I don't care if you wanna - hey-" Young has tried to spin Ivory around - Ivory is only too happy to give Young a kick in the ovaries and break the broom over her back. Moolah grabs onto the hair as a bell rings and referee "Blind" Chad Patten materialises from thin air (that young man is FAST!) hairpull takeover - and another - Ivory with a backslide for 2 - Ivory knocks her down - leg hooked - 1, 2 - Mae Young in the ring but unable to remove her hand from the top rope - can't escape it's gravitational pull, apparently - 3. (:24) Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Women's Champion.
Mae Young tries to finish her
mind-boggingly super slow attempt at a save and Ivory waffles her with the
belt, dumping over the top rope to the floor. She's 79! 79! 79! 79!
79! 79! 79! Ivory walks back up the ramp with the belt and celebrates.
She's, what, a two-timer now? Nononononono...two-time CHAMPION. Come on,
try to stay with me here.
Prince Albert tells the Big Show he just wants to test himself tonight - so that's why they've got this match. But he's NOT the Big Bossman. He's not the Big Bossman. Ummm...Show? Hearin' me? I'm not the Bossman!
WWF 3-D Attitude comes 23 November! It'll be bigger than the 1988 Super Bowl Halftime show! Bigger than "Jaws 3-D!" Bigger than "Captain Eo!" Bigger than...well, actually, NOTHING can be bigger than "Captain Eo."
There's the Big Show - and he's WALKING!
Let Us Take An Emotional Look At The Heartbreaking Last Few Weeks For The Big Show - remember when we always watched EVERY show and didn't NEED video flashbacks? That's a bit like back when the WWF had enough writers to keep this filler out of our Monday show. I got an email telling me the story behind the guy playing the fake cop - if you're really interested I'll dig it up for you.
The 1999 Survivor Series is brought to you by NOKIA!
WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW v. PRINCE ALBERT - well that's a big T-shirt - I kinda like it. Well it's a big kick, well it's some big elbows, well it's a big whip, Albert catches the boot, well it's a big Ghetto Blaster. BIG BOSSMAN is up on the ramp with some friends, wheeling out...something. Well it's a big toss over the top rope and Show turns his attention to Bossman - who tells him to hold back. He holds in his hand a gold watch - apparently, last night he visited Mr. Show in the hospital - after phrases like "stench of death," "I pulled the plug," something muted, Bossman reveals that he took the watch from the clammy hand of his father - Albert from behind with a clubbing blow - Show turns around to face him and Bossman comes up from behind and plants the hammerhead square between his eyes. "Now *that's* hard time!" Bossman calls Albert over to watch - then he smashes the watch - or rather, a nearby anvil. Watches don't make as much noise. Hmm, this match didn't end? (Under 1:00 - or 3:00, if you're generous)
Michael King Cole attempts to ask a question to Chris Jericho...and fails. "First of all Mitchell, you know I feel absolutely horrible for the Big Show, but I feel even more horrible for Chyna, because tonight I'm gonna tear back the curtain and expose her as excatly what she is, a cowardly disgrace of a champion, who was no more of a right to be in the ring with Y2J than that of a common fan. So Chyna, you bring D'Lo Brown to the ring to as your partner, and I will choose, out of the audience, a common fan to be mine. And together we will embarrass you and show you that you will never [crowd: eeeeeee] ever - be in the same league as Y2J."
The EMT's are out and on the Show - but he's getting up...
The WWF Slam Cam marks the return to RAW of toy ads - but it's MORE than a toy - it's a computer gimmicky toy! Not for Macs though - Mac users are screwed.
This is Attitude - for the PSX, N64 and Dreamcast - if ya smell what the Rock is cookin'
Let Us Take You Back To Moments Ago - Prince Albert distracts the Big Show, and Bossman sings "Well if I had a hammer..."
Backstage, the EMT's check on Show, who is bleeding - whoops, he's
come to - and he's angry...
THAT SLUT CHYNA (with Miss Kitty) v. LUGZ BOOT OF THE WEEK - from last night's Heat - Chyna uses the belt, D'Lo hits a rather nice Real Deal from the top rope. That was a pretty good match last night on Heat, by the way. If it gets any better I may have to start recapping it again...
THAT SLUT CHYNA (with Miss Kitty) & D'LO BROWN v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO & ? in an intergender tag match - hey, they FINALLY retooled the Intercontinental title! One more instance of the "old" WWF logo removed...how many left? We don't get a good look at the Euro title but I bet there's still one on there... I just hope that Jericho's partner doesn't turn out to be Finkel in a dress. "Welcome to RAW is JERICHO! Well, this is it - this is the dream moment that all of you raving Jerichoholics has been waiting for - which one of you wants to have the experience of a lifetime and tag with Y2J? Umm, no, too fat - too slovenly...mmm, bad dental hygiene - ahh, how about this fine young thing right here. Why don't you come to the ring there, flame head? You're almost as ugly as Chyna is - no, no, you're not even close, Chyna, you're much uglier. Much uglier, why don't you get her in the ring here... Don't worry about it there ah, sister, you're gonna be just fine. Just come on the apron, and just sit there and when I give you the [unintelligible]" Ummm, that "girl" has a five o'clock shadow. Referee "Blind" Jim Korderas giving funny looks to Jericho's partner. Brown and Jericho start - quick back and forth and Brown is ALREADY going for the standing flourished legdrop - 2 count. Into the corner, out of the corner, reversed, off the ropes with the bulldog - Jericho kicks and stomps and keeps him down. Repeated right hands - off the ropes, but Brown catches him into a tilt-a-whirl bodyslam. Chyna reaches for the tag - and Brown tags her. Jericho catches her in a drop toehold as she charges, though. Stomping away. Whip into the corner, follow lariat. Tag? Well, I guess we've all figured out that it's STEVIE RICHARDS. Weak running clothesline - he did the Grind! Chyna, unaffected, spears the woman and relieves her (him) of her (his) clothes. Stomping away - whip, gutshot, Pedigree - 1, 2, 3. (2:43) The victors walk offwhile Jericho picks up Richards by the hair - there's a punch - double powerbomb - and now he puts him in the Walls of Jericho. Korderas breaks it up - and Jericho asks him to raise his arm in victory - heh. Jericho raises his own hand.
Mankind catches up to Vince McMahon and thanks him for the title shot. Vince happens to have a copy of Foley's book on him and asks Mankind to clarify what he said in the book about his "bobbing adam's apple." Hey, I actually READ that bit! I'm gonna try to read the whole thing Wednesday - but 550 pages is IMPOSING when you actually hold it in your hand...
For a copy of "Have a Nice Day" and a cheesy T-shirt, drop $44.95 + $9 at the WWF Shop Zone or call the 800 number. I got MY copy...at Amazon. For $17.50. AAAAAAAND I didn't get there through ANYBODY'S special "partnership" link! Sorry Rick - if I'd known, bro, I'da shot the pennies your way!
MANKIND (with RAW credits & TV-14-DLV ratings box) v. TRIPLE H for the WWF Championship - Challenger enters first, thank you. Have I mentioned that it might be a good idea to give Chyna & Triple H separate entrance themes if you want to keep them separate in our minds?
Lockup, chain wrestling, hammerlock from Triple H, reverse, reverse, drop
toehold from Mankind, Rock watching from the back as Mankind gets the first
near fall - well, a 1 count anyway. To the rear chinlock. Triple H rises
to his feet and punches out of it. More punching, off the ropes, Mankind
hits a sleeper. Triple H drops and Mankind goes over the top rope as
Austin looks on from somwhere else in the back. H pulled outside the ring
and cue the brawlin' portion of this match. Triple H gains the advantage
as Mankind misses a charge and hits the STEEL steps. H runs Mankind into
the steps again with a loud sound. H picks up the steps and rams them into
Mankind's shoulder. Back in the ring we go, head to the buckle, four
kicks, let's check the Double Feature, still choking when we come back.
Off the ropes, reversal, reversal, H yanks on the arm and pulls him down.
Clothesline ducked, armbar takedown on the bad arm from Triple H - but only
2. Triple H with the knee to the barred arm. Working the left arm -
that's, like, wrestling! Big kneedrop on the elbow. Mankind kicking back,
H wrenches the arm. H runs him into the post, shoulder first. Off the
ropes, head down, double underhook DDT from Mankind! Both men down - Foley
trying to shake off the pain in his left arm. With his RIGHT arm - there's
Mr. Socko... But Triple H sidesteps the Claw and takes Mankind over the
top rope - but NOT, as his head gets caught between the two ropes! That's
the old Samoan hangin' spot. Mankind, even in this predicament, manages to
put the mandible claw on Triple H. H breaks it up and Foley falls to the
floor. H follows to the outside and now we're over the barricade.
Fighting throught the crowd - up - and back. That was semi-pointless but
the fans in that section probably appreciated it! Back in the ring we are
and a chair has Triple H. But Mankind puts the foor up and kicks the
chair, which hits Triple H's face! Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda and Triple
H fighting over the chair while Mankind finds the WWF title belt - and
STRIKES behind the ref's back! That's it - 1, 2, NO!!!!!!!!!!!! Now what
can he do? Here's the Mandible Claw...punchs and kicks aren't breaking the
hold. Triple H down to the mat - looks like his shoulders are down to me -
Chioda grabs the arm - arm falls once, arm falls twice...BALD VENIS is out
with a chair - WHACK - Chioda has no choice but to call for the bell
7:29) even as H's arm falls the third time. AL
SNOW comes out and he and
Mankind clear out Venis - H having skipped out in the interim. Check that
Steve Austin paces...
Michael King Cole tries once again to spit out a question - this time to Austin. Respect, hell yeah - partners, hell yeah - friends, oh hell no. Rock better pull his weight or he'll slap the eyebrow clean off his face...
As we see Test and Shane McMahon discussing strategy in the background, MICHAEL HAYES chats with STEPHANIE McMAHON - she's almost back to 100% - she's remembering some wonderful things - and she hopes that tonight Test beats an apology out of the Bulldog. Hey, she didn't call him Andrew for once!
Here's another look up at that thar cage
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY is with Kane & X-Pac - Tori told him not to make fun of any stuttering Dudleys - and he wants X-Pac to pr-pr-pr (here he gets the voicebox) promise not to get involved in his match with B.B. Ray - X-Pac says that unlike a certain friend of his, he has no problems staying out of the action - well, he didn't say it THAT way, but you gotta think that might have been what he was THINKING...anyway, this is all cut short as both Dudleyz Pearl Harbour our heroes - and almost get Kelly in the process - listen to him call out to Jesus! Also, Kane's voicebox is ... liberated.
WWF Slam Cam (again) - Look at Road Dogg, Bossman and Debra chummin' it up with them computer nerds. Ha ha ha. "Awesome!"
Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where ... hell, it was two paragraphs ago already!
RAW is WAR is brought to you by Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, Lugz, and Hansen's Energy Drink!
"Kane - did you lose something, Kane - did you forget something Kane -
B.B. RAY DUDLEY (with D-Von Dudley) v. THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE - these idiots BELONG together if they're gonna keep demanding the other stay out of these most-assuredly-eventually-2-on-1 ass-whuppins. Hey, maybe they both have the same sick S&M fetishes! Still possessing the voicebox, once again we're treated to a clever Kane impersonation by the masters of cerebral jest. Dudley runs into a big boot to start. It's all Kane. Big-time choke. We see X-Pac watching the match in the back on a monitor - in leather...hmmm.... Back body drop. Uppercut to the throat. Knee, head to the buckle, kick, right, Dudley fires back, Kane punches again. Going to the head. Dudley kicks, kick, Kane kicks, short-arm clothesline. Blatant chokehold. Jim Ross: "You know, what the Bossman has done to the Big Show has nothing to do with sports entertainment." Jim Ross - master of the unintentional irony. Uppercut by Kane - kick, choke on the second rope with the leg over the neck - Kane holding for almost all of referee "Blind" Tim White's 5 count. Punching again, off the ropes, clothesline, it's all Kane you know. Off the rope, Dudley manages a kick, but Kane hits a doublechoke - then drops him. D-Von on the apron, Kane walks over and brings him in. Headbutt. Meanwhile, B.B. Ray is on the tope rope - whoa, Kane bealed him with ONE HAND! Clothesline to take D-Von outside - and Kane follows? Head to the STEEL steps. Grabbing him from behind on the apron, but Kane drops to hot shot him. Off the top with a flying clothesline! Time for the chokeslam - but D-Von is in and attacking from behind. White calls for the bell (DQ 3:24). Kane manages to fight off both men until D-Von clips him. Boston crab/second rope legdrop combo. Elbowdrop. While the doubleteam continues, TORI exhorts X-Pac to get out there and help him before SHE goes ahead and does it. There's the headbutt from the top rope to the groin. Well, X-PAC is out and the Dudleys scatter (wot! Because they're scared of X-PAC?) and we are left with the impression that Kane's unhappy with the Pac'er...
Kevin Kelly is backstage with British Bulldog - Stephanie may be regaining her memory, but after tonight in the STEEL cage, Test won't remember a damn thing...
"So what's your name?" "Gary Payton, but they call me the glove" "How ya feelin' tonight?" "Yo I'm feelin' the love."
The JVCkaboom!box Kaboom! of the week is from Rebellion, three weeks
ago, where British Bulldog caused all this.
BRITISH BULLDOG v. TEST in the STEEL cage - referee "Blind" Teddy Long locks the steel cage. Bulldog may not be able to wrestle as he once could, but man, he can still flip into the corner. Bulldog rammed into the cage. Again. This STEEL is UNFORGIVING! Full rotation before the sidewalk slam. Still on him - Bulldog reverses a whip and takes him down as he pops out. Test taken to the cage. Crowd chants "USA" because they like to. Patented half hour suplex from the Bulldog. Into the ropes, duck, doubel clothesline and both men are down. Test with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" twice, into the ropes, Bulldog ducks the big boots and hits a powerslam. Bulldog climbs to the top, but Test catches him and pushes him off. Test to the top - the MEAN STREET POSSE jumps over the barricade - they've got bolt cutters as Test hits the Savage elbowdrop FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE! The Posse is in and there's a 3-on-1 beatdown as we examine the Double Feature of the elbowdrop. Now SKIPPY is out, and despite the fact that the cage door is PLAINLY open, he climbs the side of the cage to the top - pushes Rodney off, then hits a TOP OF THE CAGE plancha on Pete "Gas" and Joey Abs! And because the fanse DEMAND the spear, there's one for Rodney. FINALLY the Posse realises they are three and Shane is one. While this triple beatdown occurs, Bulldog leaves the cage - no bell but I declare him the winner - well, *somebody* had to (call it 3:58). Shane ducks a double clothesline off the ropes but not Rodney's spear. Abs has Shane - there's a crucifix powerbomb! Rodney and Pete exit the cage, but Test gets his hands on Joey and hits the big boot off the ropes - then throws him outside the cage door. Pete slams the cage door on Test - oh oh, hope HE doesn't get amnesia now! Actually, it appears to hurt him...not at all. "No Chance in Hell" plays as STEPHANIE McMAHON runs out into the ring to give everybody the happy ending as Ross proclaims this "real life." We take a look at replays of Shane's plancha. Shane's a glory hog!!
Backstage, the New Age Outlaws prepare for their big matchup - but, guys, this is a No Smoking facility!!!
They're still there after the break! Triple H pops in to offer a wisecrack.
The Acolytes stand outside the Friendly Tap (what do you MEAN referee Tim White owns the joint?) - apparently, they're set to meet someone there to get their asses kicked. Finding nobody, they go inside to grab a beer. They are spotted by a couple of loud guys, who want to buy them a beer - they politely decline - the yokels get a little rowdy - turns out that one of them is the (whatever the hell he said) arm wrestling champio and he challenges Bradshaw. This amuses Bradshaw enough that he agrees to go for it. He asks Faarooq to count to three and they'll see who collects the cash.
Faarooq says "3" and Bradshaw quick-fists him to the table.
"Hey - you cheated! What's the matter, your darkie friend can't count
right?" "Oh, you didn't go there." After both guys say "darkie" and "boy"
a couple *million* times, Faarooq DOES count to three - and at three, they
pretty much kick everybody's ass and then demolish the place. Something
gets muted - I believe it was Faarooq saying "Am I black enough for ya
now?" - and they take off. Hey, did you see that guy in the corner with
the hat, dressed like one of the Blues Brothers but with coke-bottle
glasses instead of sunglasses? That was Chris. Yup. And you thought
Rhode Island wasn't good for anything! There's some gratuitous swearing,
Faarooq tosses some coins at the bartender and tells him to keep the change
- then they leave as 911 is called. I kinda dig it when these guys kick
NEW AGE OUTLAWS v. LA ROCA & STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - always fun to see Billy Gunn grope Lilian Garcia in the ring in flagrant disregard for any sexual harrassment policies. It's he, it's he, it's the same damn spiel I've heard for the better part of two years. I'm not down with that, so he's got two words for me! It is alternately interesting and uninteresting that the Rock gets the first of the separate entrances for team number 2. Fortunately, we got his mic time out of the way earlier in the show, so let's go ahead and bring out Austin. Gunn and Austin start while the crowd chants "Rocky." Lockup, to the corner - refere "Blind" Earl Hebner tries to break them and fails, Austin reverses, Hebner again tries the break, cheap shot from Gunn to gain control. Many punches. Now Austin comes back with punches. Into the ropes, leapfrog, Thesz press. Punches. Elbowdrop off the ropes. Ross has *gotta* be working us with his blatantly Austin-biased commentary here - it's THAT bad. Tag to Rock, who continues the onslaught until falling victim to a reverse neckbreaker - but only 2. Road Dogg tagged in - and quickly to the mat. Gee, he usually gets to do his crappy offense before playing Face in Peril. Sure enough, following a missed charge in the corner, left, left, dance, right, wiggly wobbly woogily kneedrop, or elbowdrop, or forearmdrop, oh who cares. Tag to Gunn. Rights, off the ropes, head down, Rock manages a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Ross is busy telling us how blue Austin's eyes are - I'm serious. Gunn manages a sidewalk slam. Tag to the Dogg, kick, right, right, Rock throws up an elbow - scoop - and a slam. People's Elbow attempt fails as Gunn pulls Dogg out of the ring. Austin is around with a double clothesline. Now the Rock is outside and it's a Pier Four Brawl - Austin with Gunn and Rock with Dogg. Back into the ring. Dogg meets Austin's boot and there's a tag. Off the ropes, head down, kick from Dogg - left, left, dance, umm you did this already, Austin sneaks in a punch to break it up.
Austin rolled back into the ring, Dogg chokes. Now stomping away.
Dogg takes him to the apron where Gunn gets in some cheap shots while
Hebner is distracted. Elbowdrop on the knee, and again, and again. Road
Dogg working over the right knee. Austin manages to drop HIS left knee
(and brace) on Road Dogg's head. Dogg on the second rope - for the choke -
now going for the straddle but only finds the ropes. Dogg covers - 2. Tag
to Ass - double back elbow off the ropes, right hands from Gunn. Austin in
the corner, Austin out of the corner, Austin sidesteps the charge. Punches
are exchanged, Ass with the eyepoke. Austin manages a hot shot on a diving
Gunn - but Gunn hits a Golota to even the score. Taken to the corner, tag
to Dogg, who kicks away while Ass holds on to Austin's eyes. Right, 1, 2,
no. Into the ropes, gutshot, homo pumphandle but Austin breaks it up,
takes out both men, then goes down in a collision with Dogg. Who gets the
tag? Tag to Rock, tag to Gunn - Rock's a HOUSE ON FIRE! DDT on Gunn!
Cover - 1, 2, no! TREBLE
H is out with the title belt - but Austin keeps
him from getting in the ring - they brawl up the ramp while Dogg stays on
the Rock. Now Rock is punching back - Dogg into the ropes, no reversal,
Rock scoots out of the attempt and hits the Samoan Drop. Dogg dumped to the
outside...Gunn staggers into the Rock Bottom! But here's ...
Spinning heel kick on the Rock - Gunn's arm is across Rock - 1, 2, 3.
(9:40) - Austin
is back down but it's too late...also there's four guys on
one as Triple H joins them. Pedigree on Austin as some DX jerseys are
doled out. "Theme from DX" plays as Gunn hits a Jackhammer on Austin and
they're each in a corner with a DX jersey. Let me leave you with the
immortal words of Good Ol' JR. "DX is together! DX is together! DX - DX
- Dammit dammit! Dammit!"
What? No endless talking? Limited Vince? What show is this? I could learn to like it...