/8 November 1999
WWF RAW is WAR
WWFE 23 (- 2)
TONIGHT: The controversy continues! Stone Cold is in the house and he's wondering what's up with Vince McMahon! Also, the Rock takes on X-Pac! Stick around, won't you?
One World Leader TV-14-DLV Attitude - WWF!|
The ratings box covers up the closed captioned logo so somebody paid for nothing this week during the opening credits
LIGHT THE PYRO, BABY as WE ARE LIVE from the campus of Penn State University in State College, PA at the Bryce Jordan Center (what, not the First Union Center?) - Ross says it's a sellout, it's 8.11.99 and I'm running late so let's get right to
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN staggers to the ring, and all four corners. Last week, Vince McMahon hit Austin in the face with a belt - hard to figure, but he don' cotton to that. Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! where the deed occured. The chant of "asshole" rises up, leading one to suspect that at least the audience at home has made up their minds about whether or not this was an accident. Austin calls out McMahon, 'cause he'd like some answers. Of course, he can't help but ask for a beer in the process. Damn, it just SLIDES into his hand - whoever throws them things is AMAZING. Here's BILLIONAIRE VINCE. Before he gets to speak, he first gives one of those dramatic gulps that he's famous for. "Asshole" gets muted about every other time from Austin. "Did you make a mistake when you hit Stone Cold Steve Austin with that belt? That's what I want to know." Vince's mic cuts out, unfortunately. After receiving a new mic, Austin takes the old one and flings it up the aisle. "That was a ten thousand dollar microphone!" "Take the bass out of your voice when you talk to Stone Cold." "Well, let me say for the recrod that I don't appreciate being called an [asshole when I'm not one, all right?] But secondly, let me say this for the record as well: that WAS an accident. I would have known full well what the reprecussions would be if that wasn't an accident, Stone Cold, and you can look in my eyes and I think you can believe me. You see, I'd like to say, there's an old expression about lightning can strike in the same place. I never believed it myself, but it did." "That's the best you can tell me, is that lightning can strike twice - that's the best you've got? If you want me to beat that sumbitch's ass, gimme a hell yeah." McMahon asks him to wait just a damn minute. To prove he's not lying he'll appoint himself the special guest referee in the Survivor Series Main Event. Geez, like we haven't thought ENOUGH about screwing with the SS Main Event for a third year...before Austin can react, LA ROCA interrupts proceedings by walking to the ring. You can still hear the fuzz of nonworking mics. "Now the Rock says - Vince you wanna appoint yourself the Special Guest Referee at Survivor Series? Well the Rock does indeed smell what you're cooking, and quite frankly it smells like the biggest pile of monkey crap the Rock has ever seen!" McMahon's a roody poo candyass. McMahon AGAIN has mic problems and Austin AGAIN relieves him of the problem electronics by flinging it down the aisle. "So you don't believe then that that was an accident? You don't believe that me striking Austin was an accident? Oh I'll tell you what then - whoa. Let me remind you of No Mercy. I suppose it was no accident when Stone Cold was facing Triple H for the WWF Title and you blasted Stone Cold with a sledgehammer - WAS THAT AN ACCIDENT ROCK? See, that's what I'm trying to tell both of ya - accidents DO happen. By God, it's an accident that Triple H is the WWF Champion! THAT'S an accident, too!" If you follow these things, you're probably guessing that it's time for TREBLE H to appear, and you're probably right. We can see a mic carcass on the aisle - pretty funny. "Now let me get this straight - [pause for "asshole" chant] - I think we're all in agreement here that you three are a bunch of screwups - we all agree on that, hell I agree on that. You've all made mistakes. But the fact of the matter is here, the only one that doesn't make mistakes is me. Because when it comes right down to it, I've beaten all your asses, and there has been no mistakes, it has not been an accident, the truth is plan and simple - I AM - THAT - DAMN - GOOD. Now at Survivor Series, Vince, it's not gonna make a damn bit of difference if you're the referee - it's not gonna make a damn bit of difference that I'm facing two guys at once - because when it's said and done, mistakes or not, I WILL walk out the World Wrestling Federation champion. And Vince, while we're talking about mistakes...you get your punk ass in my face tonight and it is gonna be the biggest mistake of your life."
Stone Cold has the last word, and the bottom line is his ass
is gonna get whipped, and that's the bottom line, 'cause I just said so.
Triple H walks off, Austin walks off - drinking beer, the Rock walks off -
and finally Vince walks off.
Backstage, the Outlaws take Wal-Mart's side while brandishing one of the offensive "woman's severed head" action figures. Bet the Wal-Mart folks are glad to them in THEIR corner! Coming up next, these four men clash for the tag team championship - NEXT!
Three men enter, one man leave - mit der gold. Survivor Series is SUNDAY!
And now, the JVCkaboom!Box brings you the Kaboom! of the week - from last Thursday on SmackDown!, Mankind and Al Snow win the tag team titles with a double underhook DDT on Crash Holly!
NEW AGE OUTLAWS v. AL SNOW & MANKIND for the tag team titles - sadly, Road Dogg's mic works just fine. Lawler dares Ross to say "punk ass," and he DOES! These guys are heels, right? Ahh, Dogg added "with all yo mommas" when he was talking about kicking that shiznit doggy-style. Then they go ahead and do the whole "Champions of the World" spiel. Dogg again brandishes the Al Snow SummerSlam '99 action figure. "Al Snow, they say you beat women and you cut their heads off. Well those are very strong accusations, but the proof is in my pants, jack. You see, they've taken these off the shelf, just like we're gonna take the belts off your waist - or in Mankind's case, off his shoulder, 'cause he's kinda - you know - hahahaha..." No time is wasted brawling all over the place - Snow and Gunn in the ring, and Mankind and Dogg on the outside. Gunn "behads" Snow for 2. Dogg tags in and Snow takes over while Ross talks about uninformed folk. Mankind is up to #2 on the Times bestseller list, and rightfully so - I finished the book Saturday and it was awesome. Mankind with the left, the left, the left, the parody of Dogg's dancing, a shot for Gunn, and Dogg took him down with a clothesline. Snow in and Dogg shows Mankind how your'e supposed to throw lefts, then takes both men down with a double punch. Nice dropkick from Gunn on Snow while Dogg goes over the top rope when Mankind hits the canvas. We cut back to the back where Vince tells an unknown off-camera person that if Triple H or DX interferes in anything tonight, it'll be their ass. THEIR ASS! Back to the match, Snow gets pulled down from behind by Dogg so Gunn can hit an elbowdrop for 2. Dogg with kicks in the corner, big right hand, snapmare, kick to the back. "Foley" chant from the crowd. Gun comes in without a tag. Double whip - double ...well, Snow counters with a double DDT so who knows what it was. Mankind gets the HOT TAG! All over Dogg - Gunn finally shakes it off and pulls off Mankind, but falls to an attack culminating in a head to the buckle. Running knee to Dogg - and again for Gunn. He's pulling out the sock! Mankind ducks a clothesline and applies the Mandible Claw to Dogg - Gunn knocks him out of the ring. Snow in - Dogg ducks, then kicks ... well we don't see it as BALD VENIS is out to attack Mankind. Meanwhile, in the ring, Snow has countered and hits the Snow Plow! Of course, referee "Blind" Earl Hebner misses it as he's trying to keep Venis and Mankind from tussling. Gunn apparently inserts a STEEL chair into the proceedings, but we miss it. Hebner DOES count 1, 2, 3, though. Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (4:13) Mankind back in the ring to check on his friend. Here's a replay that shows the chairshot. Snow is rather unhappy about this development, telling Mick that he's so sorry. And why not, let's have another angle of the chairshot. Snow is rather despondent. "It's been a bad week for Al Snow."
Your hosts are LARRY KING & JERRY LAWLER.
MICHAEL KING COLE tries to interview the Outlaws - they quickly run him off. X-Pac tells us that People's gonna do a story on how he whupped the Rock. Triple H tells McMahon that he can talk all he wants about his ass - but THIS is his ass.
Then he moons the camera. Geez, I didn't
need THAT. Does Gunn seem to spend an awful long time checking out the
Arnold Schwarzenegger appears on SmackDown! Thursday! They're kinda building this up here - hope it doesn't suck. Is it Sweeps month already?
Here's a local spot for SmackDown! as well - no Arnold in this one, but we DO get Jeff Jarrett!
Here's an exterior of the Bryce Jordan Center.
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY interviews Al Snow and Mankind. Snow says it was his fault they lost the titles - his mind was somewhere else and he should have seen the chair coming. "They say my idea of a fun day is a dark lonely field and the trunk of a car, a large stick and a roll of duct tape! My MOM shops at Wal-Mart - she gets calls all the time now - she's worried about me - she's actually - I mean, I'm not the most emotionally stable guy in the world, I'll admit that - I mean, I do have some problems but my GOD I'm not a murderer and I've got my mother - she's concerned about me asking me what I'm doing now! This just can't get any worse - this just can't..."
GODFATHER (with eight - no, four ho's) v. BALD VENIS - Have I mentioned to you lately that Godfather is just a fun-lovin' guy who loves to have fun? Curious matchup, no? Venis checks over his shoulder just in case Mankind's about. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Val burned some books. "Hey Val, listen up man, now I ain't no playa hata, man. I know you and I know you well. I know what kinda freak you are, man. So lookit up here, I got you some freaky ho's, man. Hey Val, these girls here, they'll toss your salad, they'll pack your fudge, hey, they'll puff on your fatty, and hell, they'll call you daddy! Val, these girls - ARE - THA 1 man, come on! Have 'em all, man, I'm telling you they'll do anything you want, man." "Take the ho's" chant fromt he audience. Val walks off with the ho's - but then steps back and takes down the Godfather from behind when his back is turned. Right, right, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, standing on the neck. Referee "Blind" Tim White (last seen joined at the hip of the Godfather) breaks it up. Running lariat from Godfather, another, scoop - and a slam. Off the ropes with a legdrop for 2. Into the ropes, reversal, Venis hits the patented knees. Side Russian legsweep from Venis - but the splash misses. Three punches, off the ropes, Venis hits a back elbow and follows it up with an elbowdrop. Kneedrop from Venis. Crowd is bored, but cries out when MANKIND shoves Venis off the top rope. Punching away, Venis is outside the ring and Mankind is following. White rings the bell (COR? 1:32) because he wants the ho's to mob him again.
Coming up, we'll lie about Big Show's father!
WWF Slam Cam ad. "Awesome!" Hey look, there's Debra!
MICHAEL HAYES interviews the happy couple and Linda & Shane. Hayes asks Shane if the upcoming wedding between Stephanie and Test has his 100% blessing - he says yup and shakes the hand. Test says "not only am I marrying the greatest girl in the world - I'm marrying the greatest family, too."
LILIAN GARCIA announces that Paul Wight, Sr. has lost his valiant battle with cancer.
If you're like me, you're just hoping she gets
through it without a major blunder. "...this weekend, later on this
week." Well, that's not TOO bad. Everyone rises for a moment of silence
and ten bells - whoops, it's interrupted by the BIG BOSSMAN. "Hold one
just one minute! How DARE you start the grieving process without me!
I've got feelings too! It pains me deeply to hear that the Big Show's dad
has passed on. In fact, it pains me so deeply, I went out and bought a
sympathy card, and I'd like to read it to you, if I could. Shut up and
listen to me! 'With the deepest regrets, and tears that are soaked / I'm
sorry to hear that your dad finally croaked / He lived a full life on his
own terms / Soon he'll be buried and eaten by worms / But if I could have
a son as stupid as you / I'd have wished for cancer so I would die too /
So be brave, and be strong, get your life on track / 'Cause the old
bastard's DEAD and he ain't never comin' back!' That's EXACTLY how I feel
about the Big Show's daddy bein' dead!" I guess he's out of town, 'cause
I'm sure we would have seen him by now. I was gonna say something about
Tommy Dreamer here for some reason but forgot why.
The WWF appears LIVE at the San Jose Arena Friday 26 November! Tickets still available! Hooray!
OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL CHAMPION KURT ANGLE vignette. Hey, I've already seen this one! He's the most celebrated REAL athlete in WWF history!
There's the Rock - he's pacing about - and checking over his shoulder for X-Pac?
EDGE (I think I know him!) & CHRISTIAN & HEAD BANGERS v. BRITISH BULLDOG & MEAN STREET POSSE - the Posse is wearing Minnesota jerseys for local heat. Bulldog's chyron just says "BULLDOG" so I wonder if they're shortening his name for our benefit - 'cause "British Bulldog" is just too much to remember. Where's the posse get all that Minnesota gear, anyway? Pier Eight Brawl to start as the "We Are / Penn State" chant fires up again. Edge and Bulldog left in the ring - clothesline. Tag to Rodney, right, right, off the ropes, jumping back elbow. Vertical suplex. To the second rope - top rope - moonsault (!) misses. Tag to Mosh. Tag to Pete "Gas." There's a kick to the gut, forearm to the back of the head, and a tag to Thrasher. Doubleteam is on. Out of the corner, reversal, charge misses. Tag to Christian. Dropkick! The Posse spills out, now all eight man are out again. Pete "Gas" falls victim to a Flatliner from Edge, followed by a double flapjack of Christian by the Head Bangers. 1, 2, 3. (1:56) All eight men BACK in the ring and the fight's back on. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda failing to break it up - the rest of the refs are out and finally everyone's separated.
Backstage, Vince, Shane, Test and the Stooges confront DX. It's not happening tonight, dammit! Have they made this clear to you yet? The more they stress it, the more I can't help but think that it WILL happen tonight. Wait...what's "it" again? I've forgotten!
Earlier Today footage showed Chris Jericho from the Beaver Stadium
- "Beaver" obviously a name picked up from a filthy, disgusting, WOMAN.
The sport of football, at least, hasn't lowered itself to allowing a WOMAN
to compete - unlike the WWF. Chyna would be best off just handing the
belt over at Survivor Series... "toots."
X-PAC (with a refreshing can of Hansen's Energy Drink - "this shit is good!" - the RAW credits and the TV-14-DLV ratings box) v. LA ROCA - Lawler takes Ross to task for not playing up X-Pac's huge heart anymore just 'cause he happened to turn heel. Apparently on Thursday, it was announced on NBC's "Dateline" (doesn't that compete with SmackDown!? No? Oh.) that People magazine had named the Rock the World's Sexiest Wrestler. I have to take offense - we all know that the World's Sexiest Wrestler is in fact SILVER KING. "Finally the Rock has come back to this catchphrase!" This week's rectal object du jour is a can of Energy filled with monkey piss - go figure. I leave it to you to decide what tastes worse... Rock holds on "is cooking" for longer than a Goldberg match. Somehow referee "Blind" Earl Hebner has managed to keep X-Pac off of him all this time, but he attacks quickly as Rock goes through the ropes. Right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes, reversed, right from the Rock takes him down. Up, right, down. Into the corner, Rock still loving that right. X-Pac gets a boot up, but runs into a powerslam for 2. Off the ropes, duck, flippy flippy clothesline. Spinning heel kick, clothesline to take him out of the ring, there's an axehandle as he goes to the outside. As Rock goes into the STEEL steps, we notice that McMahon is watching on a monitor - and talking to...somebody. X-Pac counting along with Hebner - when it looks like Rock is going to beat the 10, he tries a baseball slide through the second rope - misses - and Rock hits a right hand. Head to the table! Back in the ring, right, into the ropes, X-Pac ducks and hits a spinning heel kick for 2. Head to the buckle. Knife-edge chop (woooo!), again (woooo!), and one more. Rock's had enough of this, switches places, and punches away. Rock with the right, kick, X-Pac bouncing nicely. Clothelsine from the Rock, off the ropes, reversed, X-Pac with the sleeper. Rock to one knee! Crowd chants "Rock E." What does the "E" stand for? Rock elbows ("E?") out and goes off the ropes. X-Pac with the headlock - Rock counters with a suplex. Both men down, Hebner counts. At 7, both men are up. X-Pac ducks the first one but not the second and third. Off the ropes, Samoan Drop - but only 2. Rock clotheslines X-Pac out of the ring, then follows. Over the barricade we go. X-Pac goes to the eyes - but Rock hiptosses X-Pac over the barricade - and into Hebner. Now with no ref, X-Pac is happy to hit a low blow, put Rock in the ring, and grab a STEEL chair on his way back in. WHACK! Cover - but Hebner's not up yet...slowly he makes his way in - 1.......2.......no! X-Pac puts Rock in the corner - there's the Brahma buster. Gutshot - but no X-Factor, instead Rock hits the Rock Bottom from outta nowhere. 1, 2, 3! Huh? (5:55) Now that the match is over, the rest of D-GENERATION X sees their chance to violate the spirit (but not the letter) of McMahon's law. Pedigree for the People's Champion! "No Chance in Hell" starts up again and BILLIONAIRE VINCE is out. "All right, look - this is between you and me. You don't need your degenerate friends. That's right. Come on, Triple H - what's the story, eh?" Gunn, Dogg and 'Pac take a powder. "Well let me just say this - you know, you didn't like it - you didn't like it AT ALL - you didn't like it when I named myself the Special Guest Referee at Survivor Series, didja? You didn't like that at all, didja? Then you're not gonna like this, because in this very ring here tonight...you will defend the World Wrestling Federation Championship! And you will defend that title against my future son-in-law, Test! And the Special Guest Referee will be my son, Shane McMahon! AND...and...the Special Timekeeper will be right there when you're either pinned or submit. And that timekeeper will be VINCENT KENNEDY McMAHON. Oh, but you know what, in the event that you're thinking your degenerate friends are gonna come back and save the day - not tonight pal, uh uh. Because if they come within *fifty feet* of this ring - fifty feet - I will automatically stop this match, I will ring the bell and I'll strip you of the WWF title and I"ll put it around my future son-in-law's waist!" Before Triple H and McMahon go at it, the Rock is back in the ring - Rock Bottom! The People's Elbow! Play the Rock's music! Vince seems rather happy about things.
Ross makes me cringe by saying
"Montreal, here we come!" Can't we LET IT DIE already?
Schwarzenegger on SmackDown! promo #2
See, Tom Berenger has fallen SO FAR he didn't even KNOW that not only had "Substitute 2" already been made, but ALSO "Substitute 3!" *That's* why he's still sitting by the phone waiting for that call I talked about last week and got hundreds of emails about! Eh? Eh? Eh.
Backstage, Triple H is inconsolable. He's gonna get that son of a bitch! Road Dogg suggests that all they need to do is outTHINK him.
Castrol Motor Oily, Foot Locker, and the WWF Slam Cam present tonight's action!
THAT SLUT CHYNA & MISS KITTY are out in matching (slutty) outfits. "Chris Jericho, the worst thing that you could do at Survivor Series is to look across that ring and see me as just a woman." Some music fires up and...it's ELVIS! Actually, it's STEVIE RICHARDS in a pompadour, white scarf and jumpsuit. Kudos for not feeling the need to BEAT IT OVER MY HEAD with chyron! "Whoa, whoa, easy. Eaaaaaasy, mama - it's just me, your little Stevie-bear, ah ha. And everybody knows that your Stevie-bear is not a fighter, he's a lover. So Chyna, darlin', this one's for you - hit the music! She brings home the bacon / fries it up in a pan / She's ninth wonder of the world / she'll never ever think you'll forget your a man - 'cause she's a wooooooman. W-O-M-A-N. She's a wooooooooooman. W-O-M-A-N-Oh-yeah-baby!" Chyna and Kitty are...amused. This whole performance is cut short when CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO hits the ring and attacks Chyna from behind, kicks Richards in the 'nards, knocks down Kitty, and now Chyna and Jericho are exchanging blows. Chyna was getting the better of him, but Jericho had a knee in the lower abdomen. There's a Chyna spear! Four referees come out and manage to separate them...until Kitty climbs on the back of Mike Chioda, giving Chyna the chance to pummel Jericho. Now Jericho's getting a running start. Hey, these guys better get fined!!
Survivor Series - Sunday - yeah yeah yeah
Let Us Take You Back to Richards singing, Jericho slugging, Chyna and Jericho brawling, and refs failing.
Faarooq and Bradshaw are drinking somewhere and watching what's going on on a TV. "That's no way to treat a lady!" A random lady approaches and asks "So, how WOULD you treat a lady?"
Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice, Al Snow, via cel phone, tries to convince his mother that Aunt Doreen died of natural causes. "Look...I even stopped at Wal-Mart and tried to buy my doll today and I couldn't buy it, but I could buy a shotgun and live ammo...no, I am not going to go kill somebody...(at least not yet)." He stops the call as Mankind has appeared with gifts to turn his frown upside-down. A copy of WWF: the Music (Volume 4) - and also a mannequin's head. "You're gonna give me--" "Hey, no! What I'm doing is I'm presenting you with a reasonable facsimile of a woman's skull." "That means you're gonna give me--" "Waaaait! What I'm doing is I'm presenting you with a mannequin's cranium!" "Right, you're gonna give me--" "Aaaah!! All right Al, I am gonna give you head. You happy now?" "You know what, that shows you're a real friend - because a real friend will give another friend--" "Shut up, Al!" Al is all smiles.
THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE - You
know, not only did Paul Wight's father die YEARS ago, but *they're not
really hitting each other!* Thank you, I'll be here all week. Bossman
holds his ground - then slides out when Kane steps in. Here's some
flashpots. Kane chases the ref out of the ring, and Bossman clubs him
from behind. Rights, lefts, choke, whip is reversed and reversed again,
Bossman hits the corner and goes down. Dropkick from Kane takes Bossman
outside the ring. Kane with the pescado! Commentators talk about Tori a
lot. Rolled back in - uppercut, kick to the gut, uppercut, kick, whip
into the opposite corner is reversed, Bossman slides under and makes a
wish around the ringpost. Bossman working the legs around the pole as we
see Tori look on a monitor from the back. Ross: "I think Tori and Kane
have a lot in common." Lawler: "What?" Ross: "Well I'll tell you about it
some day." "Bossman sucks" chant doesn't stop Bossman's offense - there's
a big boot. Posing to the crowd. Right hand, into the corner, splash.
Into the opposite corner again, but Kane comes out with a clothesline.
Gutshot, uppercut, right hand, Irish whip into the corner, followup
clothesline - into the ropes, big boot, clothesline to take him down.
Kane to the outside - scaling the ropes - flying clothesline!
ALBERT IN A CAN is out (DQ 2:57) but ineffective -
chokeslam! But Bossman
was given enough time to grab his nightstick and Gillooly Kane - now
repeatedly striking the ribs and knees, and back, with the stick. Choke
with the stick. Kane is left laying while Lawler pronounces Bossman "the
dirtiest player in the game."
Back to the Drinkin' Acolytes - a dude walks up and asks Bradshaw to take his hands off his girlfriend. The Acolytes offer to buy drinks, but he stomps off. Ross stirs the pot. "Somebody is fixin' to get their ass whipped tonight!"
WWF Slam Cam ad - "awesome!" Where's the damn Mac version already?
Local promo paid for by the company - here's a SmackDown! on UPN 44/45 promo.
If you're interested in a pewter pendant with the Rock's Bull logo on it, just send your cable or satellite bill to this address and get on a mailing list from hell!
Backstage, Dogg convinces Triple H that Vince can't outsmart all four of them - they'll come up with a plan...
TOO COOL v. HOLLYS (with Scale Holly) - Too Cool gets mic time and drop some science for y'all, yo. In the back of my mind, I'm STILL waiting for Public Enemy to come out and kick BOTH their asses. These four are half of a Survivor Series matchup - YOU tell ME why they're fighting each other tonight. Hardcore dragged off the second turnbuckle to start. Crash is in - and Crash is down with a hot shot. Clothesline from Taylor. Blind tag to Christopher as Crash attempts a rollup. Superkick. Scoop - and a slam. Hyena laugh and strut. Tag to Taylor - off the ropes, Christopher clotheslines out of the bearhug from Taylor. Snap suplex from Taylor - time now for the Snake and the karate chop. Into the corner - but the shoulderblock misses and hits the STEEL post. Hot tag to Hardcore! He's cleaning house! The Best Dropkick in the Business only gets 2 when Christopher breaks it up. Crash, meanwhile, has brought over the scale. Double suplex from Too Cool - time for the Veg-o-matic but referee "Blind" Teddy Long is trying to get Grand Master Sexay out of the ring so there's no count. Crash and Scale are up on the apron - Taylor dropkicks the scale and Crash eats the barricade! But Hardcore is up - there's a crotch shot with the second rope for Christopher, and the Hollycaust for Taylor. 1, 2, 3. (2:47) How will these four men team up on Sunday? ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW!
Back in the bar, some yokels make fun at Too Cool - they're "trying to be something - they're nothing but a joke - just like these two jokers over here." "What are you talking about, man?" "These two guys over here trying to be Too Cool, just like you guys pretending to be Too Tough, when you're nothing but a coupla
fake rasslers." Oh, they didn't go
THERE. Before anything happens, we go to the break...
When we come back, somebody says "kick your ass" and the Acolytes strike. Hey, they were PROVOKED! They're the GOOD GUYS here! The woman walks off with Bradshaw, who says "No *wonder* Minnesota beat your ass!" Oops, instant heel turn!
Test prepares - time to go. Stephanie says "Give 'em hell" and puts on the "That's MY man!" look for the camera as he walks off...hey, did I mention that away he was WALKING!
The Lugz "Boot of the Week" is McMahon's (accidental?) belt shot on Austin from last Thursday's SmackDown!
One more quick plug for Ah-nold on SmackDown! Who will have words for Da Terminator?
BILLIONAIRE VINCE is announced out as Special Guest Timekeeper. It's a ...dare I say mixed? ... reaction for McMahon. Here's SKIPPY, out in the stripes. Ross wonders aloud why Survivor Series seems to bring out the worst in Mr. McMahon. Lawler adds that not a week's gone by that somebody hasn't made reference to that incident in 1997 in Montreal. Hey, if Test DOES win the title here as they really seem to be trying hard to do, how does that affect the main event?
TEST v. TREBLE H for the WWF Championship - Vince gives us "ring the damn bell" in an attempt to offer foreshadowing...H walks in Vince's direction, so Test leaves the ring and attacks from behind. Off the ropes, reversal, head down, inside cradle - lightning-fast 2 count from Shane. H argues, Shane with a right hand into a schoolboy from Test - another quick 2. H goes outside, but Vince (!) throws him back in the ring. Clothesline from Test. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, well he's at least as worthy as the Rock. Off the ropes, somehow reversed, Test counters the suplex attempt with a neckbreaker - 1, 2, no. H outside again - Test over the top rope to follow. Backstage, we look over Austin's shoulder to the monitor - head meets the STEEL steps. Head to the barricade. Test on the apron - but the elbowdrop only finds barricade as H sidesteps the attempt. Right hand from Triple H, got him up - drops him on the table. Kick to the gut, rolled back in the ring, kick to the ribs, again, looks like Triple H has picked a body part. Head to the buckle, and now Triple H is driving his shoulder into the ribs of Test. Right hand. Here's a look at the Rock watching a monitor on a comfy sofa. Test punching back - whip is reversed twice, duck, Triple H hits the high knee. Punching away to the head now. A shove for Shane. Triple H to the...ABDOMINAL STRETCH? Yow. All that's left is for Triple H to grab the top rope for leverage...and following a few rib shots, that's exactly what he does. Shane actually spies this the first time (he's a REFEREE?)
and kicks the arm off the rope as
Vince yells "Break his arm!" Hiptoss by Test - but the elbowdrop misses.
H with a kneedrop to the lower back. There's another knee - and one more.
Test taken over the top rope to the floor. Triple H goes outside and
jumps onto Test with a stomp. Right to the back of the head. Triple H
making eyes with Mark Yeaton for some reason. Head to the commentary
table - now Triple H is laying him on it - climbing to a chair, then to
the barricade - forearm smash does NOT break the table - oh well, he
tried. H poses on the table instead. There's a crotch chop for Vince! H
brings Test back into the ring. Arnold Schwarzenegger this Thursday!
Test stood up in the corner, and H going ot the ribs, Test matching him
punch for punch - now Test's punches are unanswered - off the ropes,
clothesline is ducked,but not the big boot. "It mighta caught him right
in the nose!" Is that POSSIBLE? Off the ropes, head down, Test with a
gut wrench into a powerbomb. Off the ropes again, now TEST'S head is down
- there's the Pedigree! Shane, rather than count, walks over to Vince and
asks the timekeeper how much time we've got. Triple H goes outside and
gives Vince a shot - and here's one for Shane. Shane into the STEEL
steps. Shane taken over the commentary table while the crowd chants
"Austin." One more slap for Vince while he's at it. Vince is in with the
title belt...oh, this doesn't look good. But he actually DOES hit
Helmsley with the belt! Placing Test over Triple H, he calls to Shane -
and pulls him into the ring - 1, 2, NO!!!! EVERYBODY is up slowly - Test
ducks a swing, gutshot - pumphandle - Meltdown! But Test clutches his
ribs. Test to the top rope - he's gonna try the elbowdrop - and HITS it!
But on the EntertainmentTron we see the Road Dogg dragging a cameraman to
a door - he says that Stephanie is in the back with Stephanie McMahon - he
opens the door just enough to show us Mr. Ass and X-Pac removing the shoes
of...somebody whose face we don't see. Vince, Shane and Test run to the
back, leaving Triple H alone in the ring. H demands that the bell be rung
- Garcia announces a countout win for Triple H. (COR? 10:28)
Backstage, we see the three go back to the back - but the room is empty. Vince shouts "Stephanie!" in dramatic fashion. I wonder if we'll find out on SmackDown! that that wasn't really Stephanie? Read the credits and weep, 'cause you AIN'T finding out tonight!
Holy cats - Erik Estrada on Baywatch? Surely this is a sign of the impending apocalypse!