TONIGHT: The Rock and a partner of his choice take on Big Bossman and Prince Albert! The Big Show lays down an open challenge - who wants to have a title shot? And what will Vince McMahon do in retaliation against Triple H? AND...isn't it weird to not ONCE hear the name "Austin?"

Let's Take A Look Back at Events from SmackDown! - take a drink every time you hear the word "personal" and you'll be good and loaded in time for the opening - ahh, McMahon dusted off that old gem "Not tonight, not any night" - ewww, I didn't notice that gash on Steph's forehead on Thursday...

Shane's afraid his father's gonna do something stupid. (Now THERE'S a straight line.) He divides up the officials and Test and off they search

Closed captioned symbol and Opening Credits

WE ARE FIREWORKS from the Marine Midland Arena in Buffalo, NY 22.11.99 on the USA Network! And maybe also TSN, who can say - RAW IS WAR!! Let's start with a....match?

MANKIND & AL SNOW (with Head) v. HARDCORE & CRASH HOLLY (with Scale Holly & a Bob Holly/Al Snow SummerSlam action figure set) - Mankind wearing a blue shirt and a nice tie that must have been given him on his recent Canadian swing, Holly brandishing the controversial item in question. "As much as you people like to listen to me talk, I don't have time for any one of you right now. Now Al Snow, YOU are a complete idiot. YOU are the reason why Wal-Mart have pulled MY dolls off their shelf. So now, all my Hardcore Holly fans out there are gonna have the worst Christmas of their lives! And what's Christmas without a Hardcore Holly doll? There ain't no Christmas, ain't that right Crash?" "This is making me sick!" "It'll be okay...So Al, you can go around mutilating people, cuttin' people's heads off - hey that's fine and dandy - that's YOUR business. Hey, I can forgive you for something like that. But when you affect the sales of my merchandise - I CAN'T forgive you." Snow rushes up the ramp and they trade blows. Crash and Mankind brawl as well. Snow and Hardcore in the ring and the opening bell rings. Off the ropes with a clothesline. On the STEEL entryway, Mankind and Crash - not doin' much. Snow tossing Hardcore out of the ring and following. They're over the barricade! Now they're back over with a Snow clothesline. Snow in the ring with Crash - suplex. Crash firing back - Mankind tapping him on the shoulder, Crash doing the classic "not right now, I'm busy" hand motion - then turning around and eating a punch - now pinballing between the two. Off the ropes, double back elbow into pattycake sequence and double elbowdrop. Mankind outside and back to Hardcore. Powerbomb from Snow on Crash in the ring. Mankind's head driven into a STEEL chair on the outside - Hardcore climbs the ropes as Snow sets up Crash for the Snowplow. Hardcore hits a missile dropkick, and Crash falls on Snow. 1, 2, 3. (2:07) Oops, Mankind was chairing Hardcore and missed the chance to make the save. Snow is unhappy again - and I don't think another Vegas trip is in the offing...

You found him? No, I haven't found him. Vince? Vince? Vince? Mister Mac Man?

Meanwhile, from a limo, DX chats. Triple H answers his cel phone and learns that Vince has blown a gasket. The four speculate on what exactly would have sent Vince to the nuthouse. Was it when they beat up the Stooges on SmackDown!? Was it Test's nose being broken? The fire? The tumble down the stairs? What *I* want to know is - who's calling Triple H? Hey, maybe it's Chyna! Yeah! That and what's a camera doing in the DX limo? Oh and why are they running so late? Okay, I'm sure at least one of these questions will be answered soon. Well...maybe

WWF 3-D Attitude - get it with "In Your Face" - the WWF's Best of '99 Magazine!

When we come back, Shane and Test are searching the parking lot - they find Vince sitting in the driver's seat of a car...and brandishing a baseball bat. He wants some fresh air and to gaze at the full moon - and he's pretty demanding about it, too! We learn that Shane and Test are taking on the Outlaws for the titles tonight. Oy.

THQ's WrestleMania 2000, Wavesmusic.com, and the WWF Slam Cam bring you tonight's program!

CELEBRATED OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST AND REAL ATHLETE KURT ANGLE

Here's a look at the arriving DX limo - here's a look at Vince in his car - oh good God - he's RAMMING them! There's another smash-'em-up from Vince. Now he's outside with the bat and smashing up the windows - hey, that driver is innocent! EASY VINCE!! DX walks out the door while Vince does this. Vince blows out the rest of the windows, then stalks off with his bat...what's next?

WrestleMania 2000 - the video game ad.

Local spot for SmackDown!

Other local spot for Friday's show at the Shark Tank. I can't make it - I'll tell you why Thursday if you're REALLY interested

When we come back, we examine the limousine - apparently, the driver made it out okay.

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago. I HOPE that poor cameraman made it out alive! Vince says "Wanna play the game" and "let's play the game" about a MILLION times - but that wasn't as funny as when he said "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Back "live" and Vince is knocking on the door of the DX locker room - with the baseball bat. Shane and the Musketeers try to stop him - but Vince has apparently snapped, so to speak.

GODFATHER (with a dozen - no, half a dozen ho's) v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - Godfather's just a fun loving guy who loves to have fun. AND SMOKE WEED. There's another "WWF = PORN" sign in the audience, and that guy also looks different. Let's look at him again! The explosion is a bit off with Jericho's music. Wow, that vest of Godfather's sure glows in the black light! Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Jericho smashed up Chyna's hand. We learn that Chyna is not going to press charges, and had "reconstructive thumb surgery" over the past week. "Welcome to RAW is Jericho! And as a role model and hero for millions of Jerichoholics across the world, as well as having all of the qualifications to be a true intercontinenatl champion, my image is tarnished by just stepping into the ring with a piece of crap like you, surrounded by your brutally ugly pigs that you call ho's - get these tramps out of my arena right now - get the hell--" and Godfather attacks from behind. Off the ropes, duck, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, up and over, Jericho comes back with the dropkick

Backstage, Vince is still knocking - some cops arrive and arrest Vince...presumably for beating up on the door with the bat. While he's in the cuffs, DX emerge from the dressing room and distract everybody enough for Triple H to get in some good licks on Vince. Now everyone's separated and we follow the cops as they take Vince out of the building. Vince does a pretty good Goldberg-esque "Rarrrrrrr" while Shane shouts randomly and incoherently.

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where Triple H "got him some"

During the Break, Triple H got a chance to give Vince a few words. Vince retorted with "I'm gonna play your game!" a few thousand times. All of DX gets a chance to point and laugh.

EDGE (I think I know him!) & CHRISTIAN v. DUDLEY BOYZ - Dudleyz rush the ring and it's on. D-Von taken to the outside, Edge hits a spinning heel kick on B.B. Ray as he tries to charge. Samoan Drop turns the tide. There's an elbowdrop. Blatant chokehold - Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner physically pulls him off. Shot for Christian, distracting he and Hebner enough to allow for the "D-Von headbutts his crotch" move. Cover - only 2. Stomp - off the ropes, back elbow. D-Von standing on the neck. Tag. Right hand to the open ribs. Slap. Edge fires back, B.B. Ray hits an elbow. Biiiig back body drop. Clothesline, headbutt, cover, 2. Off the ropes, head down, Sunset flip attempt - got him - 1, 2, no. Coming up with the knockdown. Now to the rear chinlock. Ewww, too close with the closeup on Edge - sorry. Head to the buckle, tag, off the ropes, double shoulderblock. D-Von takes him off the ropes, duck, Blackman-esque shoulderblock for 2. Blatant chokehold. Jawbreaker. Right hand for Christian to again distract the ref when he comes in. Edge manages a dropkick to the back and D-Von tastes the turnbuckle. Apron run clothesline from B.B. Ray accidentally hits D-Von. Edge with the HOT TAG! Top rope plancha - another miscue as Buh Buh hits a splash on his half-brother when Christian moves. Christian punching away on Buh Buh but D-Von hits from behind. Off the ropes, Christian reverses and kicks - D-Von ducks a clothesline and backflips Christian to Buh Huh and together they hit 3-D - but Christian rolls to the outside. Spear - D-Von leapfrog, but Edge hits Buh Buh.

MICHAEL KING COLE attempts to interview the Rock. Rock ain't letting on who his mystery partner is - I suppose it doesn't matter who his mystery partner is. Anyway, Mankind and Al Snow walk by and LET THE HIJINKS BEGIN! The only thing we get out of this segment is that Rock claims he never threw his copy of "Have a Nice Day" in the trash. Umm, well, who did?

Our intrepid cameraman waits at the precinct - which appears to be more like a trailer. I don't know what city that is, but it's got a hell of a lot more letters than Buffalo. "Lackawanna" it is. Vince appears to have calmed down a bit - but the cops still ain't takin' off them cuffs.

Here's a shot of Stephanie shopping for dresses with her party - that wedding's next week, you know!

When we come back, it's a scene from the bridal shower - Mae Young and Moolah sent Stephanie handcuffs, a leather mini and bikini top, and a whip (which Linda confiscates...got ideas?). After every item, everyone "oohs" appropriately, which is funny. Mae Young whispers some suggestions for the wedding night, and probably swears like a sailor in the process. You know, for a seventy-or-eighty-something-year-old woman, she sure can't act!

JEFF HARDY (with Matt Hardy and Terri Breasts) v. X-PAC (with a refreshing can of Hansen's Energy Drink) - Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! where X-Pac's interference kept the Hardys from winning the titles from the Outlaws - Ross is saying "Vince is in jail" with all the gusto of Don and David Was - remember that? "Hello, dad..." - X-Pac all over Hardy with kicks and right hands. Into the opposite corner, X-Pac straddles the second turnbuckle when the charge misses. Off the ropes, flying head scissors from Hardy. Scoop slam - onto the apron, back in, springing off the top rope with a split-legged moonsault for 2. Still kicking away, off the ropes, X-Pac ducks and counters a 'rana with a powerbomb. X-Pac stomping away and keeping him on the mat. Hairpull takeover, off the ropes with a Lightning Legdrop. Wrenching in the headlock. Hardy fights out and hits a standing dropkick. Into the corner, reversed, up on the ropes, springing off, but Hardy runs into a spinning heel kick. Standing on the neck. To the corner, patented three kicks - motioning for the broncobuster, but Terri is up on the apron - referee "Blind" Jim Korderas is distracted - Matt Hardy is up on the apron, no he's not. There's the broncobuster. Now Matt IS in and there's a neckbreaker. Jeff off the top rope with the sentonbomb - but as he covers, ROAD DOGG is out to pull him off. KING ASS is also out - as Dogg and Matt brawl on the outside and occupy Korderas, Ass attacks from behind and helps set up the X-Factor. Cover, 3. (3:31)

Vince is fingerprinted.

There's the Big Show - and he's - he's - PACING!

WrestleMania 2000 ad #2

Another look at the Bridal Shower - looks like Mae Young is quite drunk - we can only hope we get a brawl between her and Moolah later in the show! Linda announces that she's chartered a plan to Las Vegas for a bachelorette party - Moolah stands up to offer a toast to Las Vegas and Moolah kicks her into a nearby cake. And then it REALLY goes downhill. The last the we see is Stephanie wearing some cake. Whee...

Vince's mug shot is taken at the Lackawanna police station. "I am gonna get my phone call, right?"

WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW (with credits & TV-14-DLV ratings box) v. ? - after a dramatic pause, we see THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE, who leaves TORI at the top of the ramp like he was Diamond Dallas Page or somethin'. Show is unimpressed that Kane can light off flashpots in the corner. Kane strikes first with kicks and uppercuts, but Show knocks him down. Kane again with the fists. Big show with a heatbutt, a kick, some fists, knees, what have you. Into the corner - Kane sidesteps a charge but Show stops himself - then turns into a big boot from Kane. Right. Choke. Why, Tori's done something with her hair! It's covering her face in all the right places! Powerslam for 2. Headbutt again. Off the ropes, Show caught his foot, but there's an enzuigiri from Kane! Charging, Show takes him over the top rope - landing on his feet. Caught him as he comes back up - Kane drops into a hot shot. To the top rope, flying clothesline - cover, hook, 1, 2, no! This crowd could either use some better mics or they need to start making some real noise. Kane up for the Ten Punch Count Along, but Show stops that at three and drops him with a powebomb. There's VISCERA out and putting an arm around Tori. Tori gets free and walks down to the ringside. Dueling chokeslam attempts - Kane breaks free, having seen what's going on, and goes outside to attack Viscera. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda puts on the fastest ten count in the world and the Big Show is your winner. (COR 2:54) Show at least gets an impressive bodyslam of Viscera (!) post-match. The story here, at least says Lawler, is that Tori is more important to Kane than the WWF title. I'M a little more interested in the fact that Big Show still wants a piece of Viscera. Maybe we'll get that match for SmackDown!? Did I mention Show's wearing a new shirt? Did I mention that impressive "THE BIG SHOW IS IN MY PANTS" sign? Did I..let's move on...

Back in the back, Shane is on the cel phone - apparently, he is Vince's one phone call. After assuring him that McDevitt and the other lawyers are already en route (how far IS it to Buffalo from Stamford, anyway?), Vince apparently asks Shane to deliver a message for him. Shane smiles and says he'd be happy too...goodbye - and he and Test start to walk offscreen...

There's the full moon

And inside the arena is DOMINIK HASEK! He's layething the smacketh down!

Here's a look at H-Blockx and Steve Austin filming the "Oh Hell Yeah" video. They sidestep the fact that it took place last week after that DEVASTATING car accident, but let's let that go. A week from tomorrow, there will apparently be a special presentation - "WWF'S Greatest Hits" - where we can get a sneak preview of the vid. I *believe* when Ross says "check your local listings," that's secret code for "it'll be on UPN," but don't hold me to that.

TREBLE H is out to say a few words to the people. But first, an "asshole" chant. "Like I've said before, you've no idea how big an asshole I can (beeeeeeeeeeep). Now after seeing this footage, it seems evident to me who was responsible for this whole Austin car crash scenario. I'd like to show you a little evidence that was collected earlier today, so run that footage from earlier" Showing another replaly of McMahon "attempting vehicular homicide" from earlier tonight, Helmsley suggests that this is the second time in two weeks Vince has done that very thing. Helmsley also points to the "aggravated assault" with the baseball bat. H reveals that HE is the one pressing charges. "D-Generation X and Triple H stand for law and order in the World Wrestling Federation. I mean, it was my CIVIC duty as a responsible citizen to put that man away! And it's - it's really ironic that Vince was out here just a short time ago, talking about DX being in jail, and how we would fear. Well, Vince, I - I would have to imagine that tonight you'll get a lesson as to what DOGG-E-STYLE is all about. And you know, Vince, something to think about - I never received my answer to the challenge for Armageddon. You and me, Vince, one on one, no repercussions, we finish this once and for all...so maybe tonight, while you're ass up, face down in your cell, and your cellmate is leaning over ya, and he's whisperin' sweet nothings in your ear...maybe that can be running through your mind, to take off the violation..." "No Chance in Hell" plays - but it's SKIPPY. "Hey, Triple H. One thing that you don't do - is everybody knows - is you don't cross the boss. I don't envy your position. Vince had one phone call - he had the right to make one phone call. And who did he call? He called me to send you a very special message, Triple H, and that message is that he can not wait to get his hands on you and rip you limb from limb at Armageddon, so Triple H - you're on! Vince - Triple H - Armageddon! Oh and there's just one last thing, Triple H, Vince also told me to inform you that he's ordering you tonight, *in that very ring*, to take on - in handicap action - not one, but BOTH members of the Acolytes. Have a wonderful time, Triple H!" "Shane, you know, you talk real tough, but typical McMahon style, you talk tough from far away - so why don't you front my ass and get in this ring, and let's see if you can walk the walk...or if you're just some bitch running his mouth - come on, tough guy!" Did Shane just mouth along with Triple H? But as Shane walks to the ring - behind him appear the other three members of DX. Shane rushes Triple H to at least get a few shots before the four-on-one. But now here's TEST, PATTERSON & BRISCO - now here's the HARDYS, who have a score to settle with the Outlaws - and NOW the ACOLYTES are out - well, that's eight on four and DX knows that when the numbers are against you, you take off. Gunn is noticably limping here...hmmm...

"Tobacco is whacko?" Puh-leeze.

Backstage, during the break, the omnipresent EMT's check out Gunn's knee. Why yes, it IS an angle!

WrestleMania 2000 for the N64 ad #2

BALD VENIS & BRITISH BULLDOG v. TOO COOL - "Hellllllo, skanks!" Venis is annoyed that Bulldog's music starts up before he can say more. Ross lays into the "right-wing" PTC (specifically, L. Brent Bozell III) taking on WWF advertisers by reading a prepared statement. I could transcribe it for you, but you can go read the same thing on wwf.com if you're that bored. Suffice it to say that Ross sees a blatant assault on our liberties, whereas I see a harmless expression of free speech that we should tolerate, but take care to see that it doesn't server to limit our OWN free speech later. So there. Hey, don't blame me, I waste my vote every year. Ross asks us to write the US Army - I'll take a pass.

Shane tells Test not to worry... "I got it under control..."

Meanwhile, Vince is put in a cell, after his coat and belt are confiscated.

Here's another local drop-in for SmackDown! on UPN 44 in my neck of the woods

And now, the WWF Rewind, presented by MechWarrior 3! From SmackDown! 11 days ago, Ah-nold has some fun with Triple H. Also, our only appearance of Austin tonight.

Ross announces the attendance at over fifteen thousand, then leads us into a Special Video Look at the Premiere of "End of Days" - Marissa Mazzola gets all the cushy assignments, but in return, she's gotta sleep with Shane, so... Is it just me or does Maria Shriver look REALLY REALLY bored? We get a nice look at Mick & Al in their formal attire. Tom Arnold says Arnold is tougher than any wrestler. Schwarzenegger says "girly man" for our benefit.

ROAD DOGG v. TEST - With Ass out of the picture, I guess this isn't a tag team title match anymore - or is it? "No Chance in Hell," predictably, plays...oh, no, it's just SKIPPY come out in the zebra shirt and relieving Jim Korderas. Test quickly on him to start - whip is reversed, duck, full nelson (Uncle) slam from Test. Dogg ducks the big boot and Test crotches himself on the top rope - there's a dropkick to take Test outside. Dogg follows. They're not out, long, though. Back in - off the ropes, head down, gut wrench, powerbomb, both men slow to get up. Test with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine." Off the ropes is reversed, swinging neckbreaker by Test to counter. Clothesline, but the next one is ducked. Dogg with his patented left, left, left, juke, jive, Shane tries to block the right, Dogg takes HIM out. Test with a gut shot - pump handle - some of that gay stuff - slam - Shane with a normal count, 1, 2, 3. (1:30)

Another look at Vince in his cell. At this point in the show, I'd usually make an unnecessary remark about interpid cameramen, but who knows - maybe he brought the cops a big box of donuts to get that kind of access...

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week - brought to you by THQ's WrestleMania 2000! The Bossman's sidewalk slam and pin of the Rock to become #1 Contender from last week on RAW - followed by the Rock's ballisticness on him and Albert.

BIG BOSSMAN & PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN v. LA ROCA y ? - "I am the World Wrestling Federation Hardcore champion - and now that I have kicked Rock's ass to hell and back, I am the #1 Contender..." Rock's music cuts him off. Apparently, Rock is going to go it alone in a Handicap match - or ring announcer Lilian Garcia is pretty dim. "Finally, the Rock has come back to Buffalo! Now the entire world wants to know who the Rock's partner is. Well the Rock says this - there ain't but one partner, now and forever, who the Rock will ever trust, and his partner tonight...is ...the People. And because they are the People and the Rock is the People's Champ, the Rock says they WILL see the Rock Bottom, and they WILL see the most electrifying move in Sports Entertainment, the People's Elbow, if ya smelllllllllllllalaloooow...what the Rock...is cookin'." Rock starts out a house afire on Bossman, but there's an eyepoke. Prince Albert tagged in - into a Samoan drop from the Rock. 1, 2, nope. Punch, off the ropes, spinebuster, floatover into a cover for 2. Bossman in, Bossman down, blatant hit to the jimmy. Albert whipped, reersed, big boot ducked, but Albert manages to take him over the top rope to the floor. Backstage, we see Snow & Mankind watching on a monitor. Back to the action, Albert working over Rock in the corner, tag to Bossman, off the ropes, Big Bossman big boot - near fall. Textbook piledriver - but Rock kicks out! MANKIND, sans tie and mask, walks to the ring and climbs up into the corner. Rock is working over Albert - off the ropes, DDT and both men are down. Mankind reaching - compare this to the last time we saw these two in action. Rock is up - there's a tag! Rights to Albert, rights to Bossman, double noggin knocker, Albert whipped into Bossman. Gutshot, double arm DDT. Going for the Sock - there it is on Albert - now on Bossman. Rock is in to take care of Albert. There's the Rock Bottom. People's Elbow. Mankind covers...1, 2, 3. (3:53) Garcia announces the winners as "the Rock & Sock Connection." Yep, looks like we're coming back HERE again.

Patterson and Brisco knock on Triple H's door - time for his ass-whuppin'! They're in quite the jovial mood, ain't they? Acolytes vs. Triple H - NEXT!

Vince paces in his cell. Here's the cops - his bail has been posted and he's being released. The cops tell McMahon not to go back to the arena...I'm guessing that McMahon won't be following that bit of advice.

WrestleMania 2000 ad #4

Keshia KNOWS what's goin' on!

MechWarrior 3 presents WWF Armageddon 12 December!

TREBLE H v. ACOLYTES in a Handicap match - it's been announced for about a half hour, though I haven't bothered to get to it until now, that if any of DX interferes in this matchup, they'll be suspended for thirty days. Triple H has a new entrance video which features the word "GAME" - yep. Oh and Chyna isn't in it. Acolytes have still more new music which is a bit better than the last version. Maybe they shouldn't have bequeathed their original tune to Mideon and Viscera, but what's done is done. This is also apparently a "No DQ" match as well. H tries to leave the ring, Acolytes follow him out. H back in as they go out, now striking Bradshaw before he can get in, but Faarooq is the man, so hit your knees and start praying. Bradshaw in, doubleteam is on - off the ropes, double shoulderblock