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/wrestling /saturday night /13 May 2000 |
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/wrestling /saturday night /13 May 2000 |
| WCW Saturday Night by E.C. Ostermeyer | 13.5.0 |
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This is the WCW Saturday Night recap for Saturday, 13 May 2000, and I'm your recapper, E.C. Ostermeyer. Slamboree is history. Unlike the fiasco that was Superbrawl 2000, Slamboree was THE first PPV of the Bischoff/Russo era. By all accounts, it succeeded, modestly. Like all PPV's, it influenced the events of the week that followed. These events are the topic of our recap for this week. We open with the WCW Saturday Night logo writhing in pain from the "Bandsaw Concerto in A minor" background music, while thousands of unfeeling teenage sadists cheer lustily. Photo montage, (Sweet Petunia Pig, not again!) of the highlights from Slamboree. Best pics involve Bischoff's neck in Hulk Hogan's fist, David Arquette with the "El Kabong" guitar shot on Diamond Dallas Page, and that "Awesome" dive that Kanyon took off the Triple Cage. Your hosts for tonight are that great family man, father of two, and soul of tact, Terry Taylor, along with wrestling's "Only Living Legend", Larry Zbyszko. Taylor looks like an ad for "Turning Leaf Chardonnay.' LarryZ's got that great "Budweiser" aura about him. he wore his "WCW golf shirt, too, I see. Taylor says that Slamboree could have been that one defining moment in the career of Diamond Dallas Page. At long last, DDP had the opportunity to put right all the things that Eric Bischoff, Jeff Jarrett, and Kimberly had done to him. But it was not to be, and the person who caused it all to fall down was David Arquette. LarryZ: " David Arquette is this skinny dweeb who wound up with the championship, obviously a scared individual, petrified. I mean, put yourself in his shoes; here he was in the ring with these gigantic, tough guys. He was an easy victim for someone like Bischoff to manipulate. A very sweet note in the life of Diamond Dallas Page went sour, and it was motivated by a very scared David Arquette." Footage shows DDP at the hospital bedside of Kris "Champagne" Kanyon, and "having a moment." Whoops, Kanyon's got some visitors, Messrs. Bischoff, Jarrett, Awesome, and what looks like Scott Steiner. Awesome's got an FTD "Happiness Balloon Bouquet" in his paw. Next scene shows why you shouldn't allow any of these guys out without their medication, as everybody decides to whomp on DDP, wrecking the hospital room in the process. Bischoff's got the stick and says that he did it for "one reason only, Page; to screw you royally, AND I DID!" David Arquette, wearing an outfit purchased from a Goodwill Store run by pimps, says that DDP "should never trust ANYBODY from HOL-L-LYWOOD!" Jeff Jarrett, looking like the "Wheelbarrow Guy" from "Porky's", hollers about how "Once agin, ah ayum thuh Chozen Wun!" Hey, slapnuts, your fakey, flannel mouth "Suthren ak-sey-unt" ain't makin' it any more! Try taking a public speaking course, Jethro. Page arrives backstage, and walks with purpose to the ring. We next see DDP throwing Mike Awesome through the ropes, then turning on David Arquette, who is suddenly very lucky he's wearing those yellow pants. Diamond Cutter for Arquette, as Jeff Jarrett looks on, but does nothing. Wooo, spooky, moody black & white footage of the Awesome/DDP "Stretcher" match, showing an Awesome Bomb of DDP through a table. Bischoff and Awesome then "help" the unconscious DDP to "sign" Kimberly's divorce papers. Kimberly is ecstatic, and does some jumping up and down to show her appreciation. The crowd cheers, showing THEIR appreciation of Kimberly! Taylor says he's sickened by the treatment that DDP received at the hands of Bischoff and the New Blood. "How can Eric Bischoff, who had taken away Page's Heavyweight Title, in good conscience then turn right around and take his wife?" LarryZ: "Well, you've touched on an important word there, Terry; conscience. You have one, but Bischoff doesn't! He's playing a very evil, dangerous game. He's getting between a husband and his wife, with all the completely uncontrollable, emotional illogic that goes with that. It's a fire that's going to bite Bischoff right in his brain. You know, I knew a guy that wouldn't kiss his wife for TEN YEARS! Finally, he SHOT somebody because he did. Taylor: "You didn't kiss her for..." LarryZ: "I haven't shot anybody since, either!" Taylor (nervously) "Heh, heh...! Next up, one of the most incredible, disturbing things we've ever seen. Mile Awesome tosses someone off the Steel Cage onto the ramp way. Will Kanyon ever be the same?" LarryZ: " I'm surprised he's still living! It's a despicable tragedy that, because of the giant carrots that people like Bischoff are dangling in front of these young wrestlers, it's turning WCW into a slaughterhouse." Commercials. Vampiro T-shirt. Twenty six bucks. Mad dash through the cemetery optional at extra cost. Miss Symphony optional at EXTRA extra cost. Unlike your woman, your car thinks a "little gas" is a good thing. Arm & Hammer SuperScoop Kitty Litter. For those of you who like having a box of CRAP in your house... WCW Nitro promo. For those of you who... no, no, it's too easy... Western Union: "Sarge, that's my Mom!" "I...AM YOUR MOMMY NOW!" "Well, uh, 'Mom', does this look infected to you?" Starburst "Match the Fruit/Win the Loot" contest. Y'know, I could do a really tasteless gay-bashing joke right about here... ...But that would be WRONG! We're back and the "Two Icons" take as Topic # 2: Russo's Big Mouth. Taylor: "Russo's mouth issues challenges to Kevin Nash, but Russo's got the Filthy Animals to fight his battles for him." LarryZ: "Well, you are right, Russo is a MOUTH, with the motivations of a coward. Russo will call out Nash, who he doesn't have a hope of beating. Heck, Russo couldn't beat up David Arquette! The man's a coward, he's out of his league, and, tell the truth, I don't know what Russo is doing in the wrestling business in the first place. Taylor (gives LarryZ a look): "That the ribbon on the square?" LarryZ: "Hey, I just call it like it is." Taylor (Still giving LarryZ a look); "The other factor was Eric Bischoff scheduling Hulk Hogan's career for termination." Footage from Nitro of Kevin Nash on the stick, telling Russo that, "since you didn't kill me, you gotta face me tonight!" Next, Billy Kidman (with the delectable Torrie Wilson) telling Nash that "...it's time you learned YOUR place in the pecking order around here", and that "bigger, isn't always better!" The brawl that ensued is shown, with Nash clobbering Kidman and Konnan, before Rey Mysterio Jr. wallops him in the knee with the baseball bat. This brings out Hulk Hogan to save Nash, and all the Filthy Animals bail out of the ring. Nash has the stick and hollers that "it'll take more than you punks to finish US off! But if that's what you want, how about me and the big man here, in a street fight, St. Louis style?" Well, here's the "St. Louis Street Fight" joined in progress, with Mike Awesome helping the "Filthy Animals" out. Juventud Guerrera arrives late, and nails Nash with a missile dropkick, just as Hogan is pursuing the battered remnants of the "Filthy Animals" up the ramp. Hogan turns around with the best-looking "Oops!" look on his face, then keeps hoofing it to the back in (a sort of) hot pursuit. Whoops, Hogan gets ambushed backstage, dumped in a car trunk, (Mark Madden: "ROAD TRIP!"), and the "Filthy Animals" all pile in and take off. Only to get stopped by the appearance of the "Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse", or whoever's driving the "Goldberg" monster truck. Taylor and LarryZ discuss the sad story of poor Horace Hogan, forced to fight for his career because he interfered and caused Kidman to lose to Hogan at Slamboree,. Also discussed was how, on Nitro, Bischoff changed the rules to the Horace/Kidman match five times to make sure Horace lost and got fired. LarryZ: "I've never seen a match with so many stipulations. I mean here's a sport where its supposed to be man against man, one tough guy against another, the best, roughest guy wins the match and lives happily ever after. But when you get guys who are insecure like Bischoff and Russo, with all these stupid stipulations, and all because this guy Horace cost Billy Kidman a match against an icon like Hulk Hogan. I mean, sooner or later, they're all going to self-destruct. Footage from Thunder shows Bischoff declaring that, "if Hulk Hogan steps one of his big feet into this ring, while the match is in progress, Horace will be fired no matter what!" Then, we get a film montage depicting the on-the-fly rules changes made during the Horace/Kidman match: "No DQ", "Falls Count Anywhere", "Handicap match", "Texas Death Match", and finally, an "I Quit" match. Horace loses, naturally enough, which brings out "Unka Hulky" with blood in his eye, and looking to beat some heads in. "Unka Hulky" is shown tending to the fallen Horace, just a Bischoff wallops him across the back with a steel chair. Which Hogan no-sells (like you're surprised?) nash is then shown clearing the ring of the "Filthy Animals", getting jawed at by Russo, and having sense enough to move slightly and thus avoid getting knocked to the canvas when the "Icky Red Stuff" gets dropped on him. Bischoff and Russo flee the building, and dive into their limousine. Unfortunately, Bobby the Driver has gone for a smoke, so Bischoff and Russo are trapped in the limo when Nash and Hogan arrive and start busting the windows out of it with baseball bats. WCW Security Cam inside the limo shows you all the glass shrapnel flying around inside the car, and Bischoff being used as a human shield by Russo. Nash takes a couple more lackadaisical swats at the glass, and we go to Commercials. Again. Terry and LarryZ discuss the on-going Sting/Vampiro feud, and LarryZ calls Vampiro a "gruesome individual, a man who thrives on pain. The smartest thing for Sting to do is to get out of Vampiro's life!" Footage from Nitro shows the end of the Sting/Jarrett match where Vampiro bursts through the ring floor and, enveloped in a huge cloud of CO2, drags Sting back down under the ring. The crowd is chanting "Bull-Shit! Bull-Shit!" (good old St. Louis fans!), and somebody in the front row held up a sign that the WCW censors blotted out. (The infamous "I'd Rather BE Watching RAW!" - sign, perhaps?") And of course, Sting reappears covered in "Icky Red Stuff!" Vampiro drags Sting into the ring, and drapes Jarrett across him for the win. Next, from Thunder, we see the disturbing interview Mike Tenay had with Vampiro and Sting's lil' buddy, "Crow." Vampiro said that, in honor of Ozzy Osborne, he, Vampiro, would bite the head off of "Crow" right there on national TV. Tenay freaks, and tries to bail out of the interview, but Sting interrupts with another beat-down of Vampiro, and an admonishment to "get some light in your life!" Next, it's the "Ambulance Match" between Sting and Mike Awesome, where Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop to the top of the ambulance on Mike Awesome. Sting goes to open the doors of the ambulance and gets "Icky Red Stuff" spat in his eyes by Vampiro, who's been hiding in the back all this time, the scamp! Vampiro tosses Sting into the back of the ambulance and drives away, with Mike Awesome still unconscious, and still on the roof. WCW Upcoming Events schedule: 5/15 Biloxi, MS (Nitro) 5/16 Lafayette, LA (Thunder taping) 5/17 Alexandria, LA 5/18 Jackson, MS 5/19 Tupelo, MS Commercials. Nothing more to see here. Move along, please. Terry and LarryZ discuss the Scott Steiner angle, and it's origins in the Russo/Nash feud. LarryZ: "Well, you know, I'm not a mind-reader, but..." (does a gesture, which Taylor mimics, and turns into LarryZ's "signature salute," which gets LarryZ tickled.) "...this is a very neurotic Vince Russo, a man who's treading water, who's gotten in way over his head. Out of desperation, he goes to Scott Steiner, who's about as stable as nitroglycerin, who turns his back on Russo, and a very unbelievable event took place." Footage from Nitro shows Russo pleading with Steiner to bail him out, and Steiner's angry refusal. Next, Russo's got the ear of Tank Abbott, who proceeds to wreck Steiner's in-ring interview (which might not be a bad thing, in retrospect.) Next, it's an enraged Steiner that calls out Tank Abbott, who arrives with Goldberg's entrance music, pyrotechnics, and also the boys from "R&B Security" as escorts. Abbott and Steiner brawl in a wild, near shoot-fight quality match. Rick Steiner arrives and waffles his brother, allowing Abbott to wallop Big Poppa Pump with the "One-Punch" for the win. Commercials. We come back for Messrs. Taylor and Zbyszko to discuss the Luger/Liz/Russo triangle. LarryZ: "Well, they say that 'too many coks spoil the broth', here's a guy Chuck Palumbo, young guy, good looking guy, lots of potential, but he's been thrown into the lion's den. Like in the days of ancient Rome, Russo and Bischoff are no different from the Caesars, watching these young guys get thrown to the lions, giving the 'thumbs up', or the 'thumbs down', I think Palumbo's just another pawn on the chessboard of life." Taylor: "There are so many things to tell you about this story, Package, Liz, Rhonda Singh, who's your personal favorite, Legend..." LarryZ: "Who?" Taylor: "Rhonda Singh, you know...!" LarryZ (makes a face): "Don't rib the people!" Taylor (makes goo-goo eyes at LarryZ): "Y'love her!" LarryZ: "Took a while getting over her, anyway..." Man, that's one image that I, for SURE, didn't want in my head! Here's footage from Nitro showing the introduction of Chuck Palumbo. You long-time "WCW SN" readers know this guy as a very talented WCW Power Plant grad, and I for one, think that it's great to see him get a big push like this. Palumbo, though still shaky on the stick, has a good routine, stealing from Luger's pose-down, and getting some sly digs in on Luger's microphone skills, as well. Well, Luger's not going to stand for this foolishness, and we next see him beating the stuffing out of Chuck Palumbo. Tony Schaivone's hollering how "Luger's going to teach Chuck Palumbo a severe lesson..." and we cut to the fight between Luger and R&B Security, who are out to "retrieve Mr. Russo's property", i.e. Miss Elizabeth. Palumbo, recovering, wallops Luger with the pec-stretcher exercise thingie, and Security collects Liz. Backstage, Russo says that he's "trying to help you, Liz, but every step of the way, you are fighting me and I am getting tired of it. That's why I am gonna make you live up to this contract, Liz. (Waves contract in her face.) This lucrative contract that we have paid you for the last two years, , and you are gonna get out in that ring, and you are gonna wrestle the first wrestling match in your entire life against..." Footage of the match shows Liz against Daffney, whom Liz "paintbrush slaps" the hell out of to get things started. Madusa arrives post-haste, in her new role as "Russo's Backup Plan for the Match." Before she can go to work, it's Mona with the run-in, and SHE starts kicking the stuffing out of Madusa. Best move of the match is Mona's Handspring Elbow to Madusa's jaw. Tempo change, and Madusa is walloping on Mona, when Liz whacks her with a steel chair, (Scott Hudson: "She paid attention when she was with the "Macho Man"), That's for sure, and that's all for Madusa. Unfortunately, that's not all for Liz, who gets collected again by R&B Security. Footage from Thunder in Springfield, Il, shows the Liz/Rhonda Singh match, and Lex Luger's interference in same. Singh is angrily waving Luger away, while Luger's just standing there grinning. Rhonda starts a charge-in, which Luger easily side-steps, but her momentum carries her right into a double front kick from Liz, staggering the hefty Ms. Singh. Time for Luger to get the Torture Rack out of mothballs and he slaps it on big ol' Rhonda... ...who's not about to help Luger complete the move, so he has to do it himself. Luger let's out a bellow lifting Rhonda up across his shoulders, and you can almost see the signs of rupture starting to appear. I believe the words we are looking for here are "strangulated" and "hernia." Next, Chuck Palumbo's out for some batting practice, and he wallops a grounder off of the back of Liz, and clears the bases with a whack or three on ol' Lex Luger. Russo looks on approvingly from the stage. Palumbo then retrieves the fallen Miss Elizabeth, and carries her backstage. Later, we see Lex Luger interrupt the Chuck Palumbo/Terry Funk hardcore match, turning it into a wild free-for-all at the back of the arena. Between them, Funk and Luger clobber Palumbo, with Funk getting the pin in a dumpster. Luger then takes over, demanding that Palumbo tell him where Russo took Liz. Bobby Heenan says that Palumbo is showing him that "he's got Bischoff behind him and he's got Russo behind him; this kid is gonna go far!" The brawl ends with "R&B "Security macing Luger in the eyes, and swarming him to the ground. Commercials. Taylor and LarryZ get ready to wrap things up for this week, with a recounting of Ric Flair apparently "done with the business", after what Vince Russo had done to poison Flair's son, David, against his father. Taylor: "To drive a wedge between Ric and his son, David, it's just too upsetting." LarryZ: "Well, it's unfortunate that David Flair is not old enough to realize what Vince Russo is doing. We all make mistakes in our past lives. Except that, when we are young, we don't realize it's our past, because, at that time, it's our present. David Flair, obviously caught up in a rampage of hormonal flows, but has no brains and no wisdoms. My advice to you, David Flair, is to listen to your father." Footage from Nitro, where Ric Flair says "My son made the biggest mistake of his young life." Russo counters with "I spit in the face of tradition! And I spit square in your eye! And now, your son is standing next to the father he never had." Big hugs for David from Vince Russo. (Hey, what's Daffney doing lurking around in the back with that baseball bat?) Ric pleads with David, saying that whatever he's done as a father to hurt David, he's sorry, but it's time to go home, "so come on over here, and let's go." "I'm mad at you, Dad!" "Son, I'm not gonna discuss it here, we'll talk about it when we get home." Russo sticks his oar into troubled waters, and says that he sees "The Great American Bash" PPV, in Baltimore, your backyard, with Ric Flair against David Flair, in a "Father vs. Son" match. Twenty one years, he's waited for this opportunity, Ric! Whattaya say?" Ric Flair, ignoring Russo, still wants David to come home with him, but now Ric's getting agitated. "You're my son, and you are not gonna wrestle me, especially at the Great American Bash. You are gonna climb the ladder of success from the bottom up just like I did. You are gonna bleed, and sweat, and pay the price. You are gonna be what we raised you to be, and that's a man, and not a punk stooge for him. Now, walk over here to me, son." David: " I told you, I was mad at you!" Ric Flair goes for the cellular phone. Boy, he's really cookin' now: "I can call Vince McMahon right now! I can make you a superstar in the WWF, because I didn't burn ALL my bridges when I left, like HE (points at Russo) did. Come on over here!" Which David does, and it's hugs all around. Flair turns and says, "Now, Russo..." (shucks off his coat) "family's over..." he yanks his Rolex from around Russo's neck and puts it back on his own wrist. Flair backs Russo into the corner, rares back to paste Russo one... ...and David Flair clobbers Ric Flair on the back of the head with the plaster "Statue of Liberty" figurine. Ric's down for the count, as Russo retrieves his "trophy Rolex" from the wrist of Ric Flair. "We will see you at The Great American Bash, baby!" sneers Russo to the unconscious Ric Flair. Next, Ric's leaving the building, pursued by Lex Luger and Liz. Luger's hollering for Ric to "snap out of it; we've got things to do here tonight!" "Naw, I'm done. I've had it!" "What do you mean, you've had it?" "I'm finished with it. I'm finished with this business." "WHAT?!" "I'm going home! I'm finished. I'M DONE!" Flair slams the limo door, and drives away, leaving Luger, Liz, and the rest of the planet standing there with our collective mouths hanging open. Footage from Thunder, where Arn Anderson tries to talk some sense into David Flair, to make him see reason. "After what you've done, all you can come up with for an explanation is "I'm mad at you, Dad"??! And this is your answer to your father? Let me tell you something about your surrogate father. He's a groupie! He's a groupie with power, and that's a dangerous combination. The reason he deals with guys like you, and guys in the New Blood is because he can control them. He can't control me, your father, Luger, Sting, he can't control us; we're too smart. No, he gets in your mind, and he's got a million ways to tell you how he's going to make you, David Flair, eclipse your own father." Russo: "You come out here with a tale of woe that David doesn't want to hear. So let me make it real simple. I've always heard that Arn has one good fight left in him. Well, that one good fight is gonna take pace tonight! You will have your punk-ass in that corner, and David Flair will be in THAT corner, and then, baby, we are gonna be done with you, as well!" Footage of the match shows interference by Crowbar and Daffney. Arn powerbombs Crowbar, almost wallops Daffney, but spots David Flair sneaking behind him, and wallops him instead. Oops, Arn shouldn't have turned his back, because Daffney takes the opportunity to golotta Arn Anderson right in the jimmies, and David Flair nails him with another "Statue of Liberty" figurine. Figure Four leglock on Arn, as Crowbar tosses the referee through the ropes. Crowbar does the three count for the win, and The Badlanders celebrate David's victory. Back to the studio, where Terry Taylor ponders the fickleness of sons toward their fathers, and, more importantly, what Ric Flair's being "done with the business" mean? Seeing as how he's got a shot at the WCW World Heavyweight Title, that he won in the Battle Royal on Thunder two weeks ago. "Ric Flair vs. the Chosen One: will that happen, legend?" LarryZ said that "...the Ric Flair I saw was emotionally distraught. He said "That's it, I'm done, I'm finished", and then he climbed into his limo and drove off... I don't know what to think." Terry Taylor wonders if the Ric Flair/David Flair story will be continued on this coming Monday's Nitro... ...so y'all better tune in to see if it does! Meantime, I'm out of here. See y'all next week. E.C. Ostermeyer WrestleLine [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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