|Steel Domain Wrestling||
STEEL DOMAIN WRESTLING 10.26.02
Aw, cripes, I accidentally taped over my only copy of "Black Mask"!
This edition of SDW is brought to you by Luigi's Real Italian Ice, Maruchan Roast Beef-flavored Ramen Noodles, Cub Foods 2% Milk, Camel Exotics Mandalay Lime cigarettes(try to find THESE where you live, snack-ass!) and my Sunday morning and night. Enjoy!
Whoa, no Opening Montage for you today, and I almost miss hitting Record as we go straight to the backstage, where Mick Karch stands with an irritated-looking Mitch Paradise to bring you a Special Look At What Happened Last Week After The Cameras Went Off The Air. Last week, Adrian Lynch and Tracey Smothers beat the everloving shit out of Mitch Paradise, hating him so much that they didn't even have the common courtesy to hit a spike-piledriver on him correctly! Smothers has the mic and calls himself and Lynch the Mason-Dixon Connection, and proclaim themselves future SDW Heavyweight Champ, TV Champ, Tag Champs, and just about every sort of champion that two sweaty American men could ever hope to be. Poignant. He then goes on to repeat what his Worst t-shirt design ever said, and punctuates it with a mic shot to Paradise's face. He punches him a few more times for good measure, does a Hacksaw Jim Duggan impression, offers to box a fat fan, joins Lynch in a stompdown of Paradise, does his old FBI Taunt(!!!), hears his discoesque theme music AND HE'S DANCIN'! LYNCH IS DOING THE CABBAGE PATCH! All is right in my SDW world for now as we fade out...
....And back in, where Karch wants to know Mitch Paradise's thoughts on the matter-MP: "*swipes the mic* Tracey Smothers! YOU NO GOOD S.O.B.!!-" and that's all you're getting, as Paradise's promo is too brutal for me to finish, but HERE's the Opening Montage, a good 2:00 later than I'm normally used to seeing it. It gets a longer-than-usual runtime, but we waste no time getting to the...
1st (re)Match: ODB(champion) vs. Miss Natural(challenger), for the SDW Women's Title ODB has her Rhyno face going as she charges the ring and dumps her belt. Miss Natural, crossing a few wires in the match-scripting, launches
Hell-Oween IS TONIGHT! Whoa, they actually spent some
Arente Photographie brings you perhaps the worst commercial on the air.
More local spots, the only one of note being a tribute to Senator Paul Wellstone, who will be missed. Moving on...
....ODB out of the corner with a front chancery, hooks the arm, vertical suplex, 2 count. ODB with a Rube Goldbergian facebuster, 1 count, and she pulls up! Miss Natural runs the ropes, ducks a few clotheslines, and gets a sunset flip for 2. An angry ODB mauls her with lariats, stomps and a slam. ODB with the straddle n' punch action, chokes her for a 4 count, and trips over Miss Natch and falls down. Oops. Rope choke and more punches, and ODB has some great punches, very HHH-ish, so I guess she'll be using them a lot. ODB with an Irish whip, head down and she takes a swinging neckbreaker. Miss Natural is fired up and ODB does the Flair Beg-Off(!), but she ends up getting booted anyway. Miss Natural with a slam and some stiff elbowdrops, but only gets a 2. Running lariats keep ODB down, but the third misses and she capitalizes with a full nelson slam! More pounding on the ground, and ODB lays Miss Natural out all spread-eagle and stuff, and goes up for a diving headbutt? Sounds good to me, but noone's home and she splats on the mat. The casino-goers are just happy that she tried, so I guess that's enough. Miss natural crawls over for a 2-count, but ODB takes advantage of her in the corner and puts her down with a neckbreaker for 2. ODB paintbrushes her, but Miss Natural rolls a slam attempt into a small package, 1, 2, 3(6:12 shown)! ODB had her foot out underneath the bottom rope and there's some controversy over the pinfall, but it stands and the lovely Miss Natural(that must be a two-fold joke, as she dyes it black, not that I'm complaining) is your new SDW Women's Champion. ODB is
Feel like your catering bill isn't already expensive enough at whatever special functions you happen to host? Well, Chester, just let the drum-stomached steroid-jockeys of SDW lighten that wallet just a little bit more, as Steel Domain Wrestling is NOW accepting bookings! Woooooohoooooo, wrestlers ahoy! Call 1-800-383-5672 or write to PO Box 1255 Lakeville, MN 55044 for details, baybee!
Buy Smoke Away, brought to you by the Council on Natural Health! You know, I tend to be bitter about most of this non- or anti-smoking crap(just a
....was I going anywhere with that? No. I probably just need a cigarette. Yee!
And now, a Steel Domain Wrestling Special Report, brought to you by AJ Fontanna(who I know absolutely nothing about)! Apparently it has something to do with a heel turn or something by "Kamikaze" Ken Anderson, perpetrated upon Lenny Lane during Lane's latest title defense, which must have been a dark match, I guess. Anyway, here's some action for ya, joined in progress: Anderson kicks out of a pin attempt and escapes a slam, blocks a right and puts Lane into a fireman's carry, forward roll slam! Ken goes up top and the crowd goes...tepid. Turgid, perhaps? Kenton bomb
Follow that bad boy up with another Hell-Oween spot, a Treasure Island spot, a 1-800-BAR-NONE ad featuring that Pets.com dog(!), a Fort45ive Hockey spot, and that'll do ya.
2nd Match(sort of): Adrian Lynch vs. Matt Burns Lynch makes with his typical stallnacularity to start with, and Burns encourages the fans to clap along. They exchange heat spots to establish the face/heel roles, and lock up at one minute elapsed. Lynch goes into the corner and
The folks at Steel Domain Wrestling have some free time on their hands. BOOK 'EM!
Video Professor. I'd buy it, but my computer's CD-ROM don't work no mo'. Rats.
Well, that was brief. Sorta. 3rd Match(sorta): Lenny Lane(champ) vs. "Old School" Derryck St. Holmes(without the "Derryck" in his graphic), for the SDW Heavyweight Championship of the wooooooorld Lane gladhands the ringside fatties and flexes the pecs, still giving off that "Poor man's Jericho" vibe, while St. Holmes seems to be channeling the spirits of both Lenny
Back to the action, and Lane is in the figure-four until the ref can break it up, and Holmes gets the finger from a flabby fan with a Pete Yorn haircut. Who's the bigger loser? FEEL THE TENSION! St. Holmes goes all Marquis of Queensbury on Lane's ass with rights, and grabs a spinning toehold, which Lane rolls up for a 2 count. Lane gets up, and goes down quickly from a Holmes clip. More legwork and a European Uppercut put Lane down, and an elbow and butterfly suplex keep him that way long enough for a forearm-in-the-face pin for 2! Make it a double. Ooh, Holmes does a wicked deathlock/anklelock combo, and just
....yup, there they are...
....and here's Tracey Smothers to cut a last-minute promo about how much of Mitch Paradise's ass he's gonna kick tonight, see, because he's rough, tough, and hard to bluff, not to mention the fact that he's guaranteed not to rust, bust, collect dust, bend, break or splinter. Fine qualities for a Television Champeen, which is what he promises to become.
....Well, at least he wasn't wearing that shirt again. Thanks for reading!
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