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WWF Shotgun Saturday Night |
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| Guest columnist: Brandon Talbot | |
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In over 50 countries and over 12 (if anyone remembers the real number of languages let me know) languages there is a certain something called...Attitude. TV- 14 (Because it's Saturday and you should be in bed by now!) Show opens with a great Austin/McMahon montage. The cement being poured into the corvette is shown. The zamboni and Bang 3:16 are also featured. Mainly the entire Austin/McMahon feud in about 15 seconds. The so outdated it's not even worth updating before the name change Shotgun Intro. Still No Lyrics. Tonight...D'Lo Brown...Meat and the Meanie...Undertaker vs. Triple H are recap worthy. Sexual Peanut Butter (w/PMS) vs. the Blue Meanie (w/Dr. Evil pose and "Chick Magnet" under his name): Commentators for tonight's very special episode of Shotgun are Jim Ross and Vince "Man, just when you thought I couldn't suck anymore I go and open my stupid mouth" Russo. Ross says, "If this doesn't help you rise to the occasion..." and leaves it at that. Then Russo says, "If this doesn't keep you up all night long I don't know what will" and makes me hate him that much more. Terri acts slutty the entire way down to the ring but I'll let it go because Russo has me seething with rage. Didn't PMS dump Meat last week? Meat with rights and goes outside after Meanie takes advantage. Meat comes back in and gets a neckbreaker then continues with the right hands. Meat with a whip and off the ropes and hits a flying elbow. Meat with kicks to the Meanies big belly in the corner. Russo calls Stone Cold JR's boy. I thought that was Dr. Death. Meat gets a vertical suplex. Cover only gets two. Meat has lipstick on his cheek. Bodyslam by Meat and now he's going to the top rope. Meat misses the crossbody. Meanie gets a back bodydrop and then a modified bodyslam. Jackie then punches Meanie when he goes for the Meaniesault. Meat hits the Meatgrinder (which JR calls the Meatcleaver) and that's all she wrote. (Pin at 3:54...See what happens when I record it?) JR: "PMS make sure that the Blue Meanie didn't beat their Meat." Up next: D'Lo Brown...The Corporate Ministry...And Undertaker vs. Triple H Fully Loaded Promo...BLOOD!!! RAW is WAR is going to be at the Arrowhead Pond of Anaheim on September 13. I would have gotten my tickets by now but all the good seats are gone and I'm still bitter about that. I liked it better when Hayes did the promos for all the live events. Last Monday on RAW: McMahon threatens the Undertaker's career. Undertaker takes umbrage to that and proceeds to get uppity. He gets all up in McMahon's area so Triple H steps in to mediate. Undertaker said split your melon which makes me laugh. A match is set up to determine Austin's opponent at Fully Loaded. Austin comes out in a bloodmobile. I missed this whole segment on Monday. Recap still fails to show Austin falling on the hood and breaking the windshield. Undertaker and Austin fight. Rock and Triple H fight. Austin is thrown in the Bloodmobile and then Austin proceeds to beat up McMahon. McMahon's blade job was better than Austin's this week. Austin signs the contract and the End of an Era is guaranteed (or is it?). Taker comes back and grinds a beer can on Austin's head. Still to come...Kane and X-Pac....The Corporate Ministry...and the D'Lo Brown experience... The JVC Kaboom Box presents the Kaboom of the Week: Chyna hits the Rock's ass with a chair when he goes for the People's Elbow giving Mr. Ass a win over a former world champion. Mr. Ass shouldn't be winning anything. Shotgun Saturday Night is brought to you buy WWF: The Music Volume 3 (buy it at NRM...What's that?), Fram Extra Guard, and Snickers: Why wait? D'Lo Brown (w/the coolest damn entrance music EVER..."Head Bobbing Heavyweight" vs. The Unnamed Jobber (w/no graphic): Ross mentions that Mideon "won" the European title by seeing it in Shane McMahon's gym bag. Lock up...Whip into the corner and an elbow. Whip into the ropes and another elbow by D'Lo. Ross says the guys name is Doug Bashem. Knife edge chops in the corner. Whip to the farside and D'Lo eats a boot. Bashem BOTCHES a hurricanrana worse than Erik Watts did to Bam Bam Bigelow on Nitro a few months ago. Then Bashem celebrates. Bashem with a kick to the gut and dropkicks D'Lo in the face. Goes for the cover but D'Lo kicks out. D'Lo nails that cool heel kick. D'Lo legdrop! D'Lo puts Bashem on the top rope. HURRICANRANA!! D'Lo fucking rules. I love jabronies. Cover only gets D'Lo two. D'Lo sends Bashem off the ropes and Bashem goes for a sunset flip. D'Lo reverses into a Texas D'Loleaf! D'Lo fucking rules!!!! Bashem grabs the ropes. D'Lo just toying with Bashem now. Chops here and there and they all sound painful. Snapmare takeover by D'Lo. Bashem nails a huge elbow. D'Lo nails the Sky High. To the top and D'Lo hits the Lo'Down. (Pin at 4:43) Did I mention that D'Lo fucking rules? Still to come...The Corporate Ministry will be in action...and Kane & X-Pac will be reunited all on Shotgun! Countdown to the Millennium: 382:28:45 and some other odd seconds. The "Jericho" noise gets louder and louder with each passing second. RAW is WAR at the Arrowhead Pond. Goddamnit, I KNOW ALREADY!!! Starburst HARD Candy presents the Slam of the Week: Paul Wight does a big ass chokeslam on X-Pac. Wight tries to chokeslam Kane but gets the boots put on him by the Undertaker and then eventually Kane. Last week on RAW: Kane and X-Pac took on Da Big Show and the Big Shot. Undertaker came down and chokeslammed X-Pac because it's just so fun and easy. Undertaker then took the steel steps and proceeded to introduce them to Show and Shot. Holly took the steps right in the face...and man did it look painful. Kane then went back to check on X-Pac. Undertaker tries to get him to leave but then Kane saw the replay of the chokeslam. Kane gets a little peeved. He proceeds to chokeslam UT and then trashtalks. That was the best segment last Monday. Seeing Kane show some emotion and get noticeably pissed was incredibly cool. X-Pac then hugs Kane. Awww...How cute. Da Big Show vs. Kane with the Big Shot as the guest ref...This SUNDAY! Maximum Sweat toys are so sweaty you'll...Wait...Nevermind. Playtime's over! The Corporate Ministry (Mabel, Phineas I. Godwinn and the Big Bossman) vs. Dinsmore, Flanagan and Miller (Ready for Action): Ministry's little wiseacre label is "Dark Destroyers." Russo and Ross say that Dinsmore, Flanagan and Miller sounds like some cheap law firm. They then joke that Sable's lawyers could learn a thing or three from these guys. Well, not really. Ross wants us to try WWF.com if we don't get PPV in our area. If you don't get PPV I doubt you have any sort of internet access. Bossman starts out. Russo mentions that Bossman has a Hardcore title match with Al Snow at Fully Loaded and he'll be allowed to stick that nightstick wherever he pleases. Eww...Come on, I don't need another reason to hate Russo. Whips the red shorts guy into the ropes who slides under Bossman's legs. Bossman tries a bodyslam but the guy wriggles out and attempts a roll up but Bossman holds on to the ropes. Tag by the red shorts guy to another guy. Bossman tags Mideon who punches twice then tags Viscera. Mideon whips the guy off the ropes and does a drop toehold. Viscera follows it up with a legdrop. Tag to Bossman who jumps up and down on the guy's back. Commentators are talking about Da Big Show/Big Shot relationship. Mideon tagged in now and working over the guy from the other team. Tag to the Bossman. Attempt at a double back body drop fails as the guy makes the hot tag to the other guy. Dropkicks galore and the Corporate Ministry is sent flailing back. Flying forearm by Dinsmore. Suddenly all of the Ministry members hit their finishers at roughly the same time. (Pin at 4:23) Bossman handcuffs Dinsmore to the ropes and proceeds to show him how to use a nightstick. Could Al Snow be next on the Bossman's hit list? Fully Loaded is still this Sunday according to the promo. The Rock gets Chefy With It in a commercial that continues to suck. Chaz (w/the lovely Marianna) vs. Tracey Smothers (w/no graphic): GTV spot featuring Ben Stiller, Janeane Garafalo (HA!), Kel, and Pee-Wee is shown. You'd think actual actors could pull off something like that better. Smothers does a little dance for Marianna which gets Mosh to laugh. Smothers is called Freddy Joe Floyd by Ross and if it wasn't for CRZ I wouldn't get that reference. Japanese arm drags for both men and then Chaz does a little dance to mock Smothers but it isn't as funny as the one that Tracey did. Smothers misses a clothesline and Chaz catches him with a powerslam. Chaz clotheslines Smothers out of the ring and then does an odd dropkick outside of the ring and manages to hold on to the ropes. Smothers is back on the apron and Chaz springboards off the second rope and nails Smothers with a flying clothesline. Back inside and Chaz misses a crossbody. Marianna calls Smothers a loser. Sunset flip by Chaz only gets one. Smothers in control and hits a DDT. Ross mentions the other Freebirds in talking about the tag title match tomorrow night. Chaz hits a crossbody off the ropes. Reverses a neckbreaker into a backslide but only gets two on Smothers. Smothers going to the top rope but gets a fist in the midsection. Chaz hits a sidewalk slam and a drop kick. Marianna slugs Smothers. Chaz then rides the horsey on Smothers' back. Chaz then hits the Inverted DVD. (Pin at 4:43) Shotgun is brought to you by: Castrol GTX: Driver Harder, the JVC Kaboom Box, and Quake 2 for the N64. I only own two games for the 64 so I don't think I'll buy that one. Tomorrow night: Stone Cold vs. the Undertaker in an End of an Era (HA!) First Blood Match. Triple H vs. the Rock in a Fully Loaded Strap Match. Da Big Show vs. Kane with The Big Shot as the guest referee. The Rights to DX will be decided as Road Dogg and X-Pac take on Chyna and Mr, Ass (Wouldn't it be cool if everything since Wrestlemania has been a swerve by DX to get Triple H the title? Worth thinking about...). The Hardy Boyz and Michael PS Hayes vs. the Acolytes in an Acolytes Rules match. Edge takes on Jeff Jarrett for the IC Title. And on Heat: Stone Cold will be there and JR will have a "very special interview" with Triple H. I'm Brandon Talbot, good night and my Shotgun report is better! Brandon Talbot freelance Mail the Author Visit My Place of Monkeys |
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