KINGS UPDATE: 37-27, 5th place (15.5 GB)

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TV-PG-DLV One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

"Desperate Men Do Desperate Things" - desperate programmings fill desperate time with desperate clip montages - how can a mere paragraph replace the experience that comes from reading the RAW recap? It can't. Thus, a link to that report if you're so inclined, and if not...a fast forward.

Opening credits - hey, you know this show is close captioned?

SET IT OFF for another Thursday night en espanol donde sea disponible - WE ARE TAPED from the Nassau Colesium in Uniondale, NY 16.3.2K (taped 14.3) because once again it's another week ...and another episode of SmackDown!

WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW & SKIPPY walk down to have a fireside chat with you and I. Shane immediately brings up how on Monday night a father did lots of bad things to his son in the ring - in this case, the father being Vince and the son being himself. Crowd ignores all this, alternating their chant between "Ass Hole" and "Rock E." Shane rails about paternal abuse rubbing against the moral code of society, but aside from that criminal act, another was committed - a crime against nature. It is unnatural for the Big Show to not compete in the WrestleMania main event - so he will. Shane introduces a clip from Monday - Rock's stipulation. Shane said that while Rock said a win would put him in, he did NOT say that a loss by the Show would take him out. Therefore, Shane informs the world that the WWF title match at WrestleMania is now a Triple Threat match - booooooooooo! Show gets some stick time: "Let me assure you...that with Shane McMahon in my corner that I am very confident that I will emerge from WrestleMania...victorious!" "Ass Hole - Ass Hole - And So On" Some familiar music starts up and out walk old sourpusses TREBLE H & STEPHANIE ONO. I wonder if THEY knew about this turn of events beforehand? All the way down to ringside...and it's staredown time! "Hey Triple H - before I was so rudely interrupted - let me get one thing straight with you - I will ONCE AGAIN become the World Wrestling Federation champion!" "Who the hell do you think you are? (to Shane) You walk out here, you wanna talk about crimes against nature? There's no crime here, because, believe me Shane, if you're involved in this Big Show, it's a freak of nature! If I lost the World Wrestling Federation championship at WrestleMania to either him or the Rock, that would be a natural disaster...but Shane, I see this rat coming...I can smell it a mile away. You think you're pulling one here? No. You know that he cannot beat me. And you damn well that the Rock can't beat me. But therein, therein lies the screw, right Shane? Because in a Triple Threat match, nobody has to beat me to become World Wrestling Federation champion. The fact of the matter is, in a Triple Threat match, Big Show COULD beat the Rock and become the World Wrestling Federation champion...or the Rock could beat the Big Show (again) and he could become the World Wrestling Federation champion. But Shane, I'll tell you what...if it's a Triple Threat match that you want at WrestleMania, you got it. Because Big Show is not gonna win - the Rock is not gonna win - the winner at WrestleMania is gonna be The Game. Why? Because, like I said before, Shane - I AM - THAT - DAMN - GOOD!" Stephanie takes the mic and promises that if Shane will be in the Show's corner, then SHE'LL be in her husband's corner. "I've got just as much power as you do" seems to BEG for Vince to come out, but instead we go to Shane threatening to call Stephanie a slut again. "You wouldn't DARE call me that again." "You mean...cheap (beeeeeeeep)?" Crowd cheers and Show chuckles - Shane blocks the slap (booya!) and Show steps in front of Triple H's attempt to defend his wife...before it TOTALLY breaks down, "No Chance in Hell" starts up and out comes BILLIONAIRE VINCE at the top of the ramp. I guess I owe Vince a "welcome back" transcription: "Wow - Shane...and Stephanie. How PROUD you make me feel as a father. How PROUD, Shane and Stephanie, you make WWF fans, as relates to your actions as of late. Watching the two of you in the ring, jockeying for position and power each and every week is like watching a bad soap opera. Why don't the two of you just go ahead and book yourselves on the Jerry Springer show and get it over with? And what about - think about your accomplishments - your collective accomplishments in just several short months. The two of you have drive one of the greatest WWF Superstars in history out of the World Wrestling Federation. [Fo Ley! Fo Ley!] Gone but not forgotten - Long Island's own Mick Foley! [pop] THAT'S not good for business. Look what you almost did Monday night - you almost drove from the WWF...the People's Champion. THAT'S DAMN SURE not good for business. Your public display of bickering, (beep), moaning, kvetching, moaning groaning is not good for business either, and that's why I've elected to come back and take control - to seize - to seize the reins of power once again here in the World Wrestling Federation before you two screw it up for good. So therefore - Shane, since you insist on being in the Big Show's corner at WrestleMania; and Stephanie, since you are demanding to be in Triple H's corner at WrestleMania - then, why don't we make this a family affair? It's only right - I'M gonna be in the Rock's corner at WrestleMania. Now THAT'S good for business!" "Okay, POPS - I'll tell you what's good for business TONIGHT. Tonight, In This Very Ring, let's see the People's Champion in action!" Shane says tonight Rock will take on Kane tonight. Stephanie says that another thing that'd be good for business would be a match between Big Show and Rikishi. Vince says since we're talking about things good for business, how about a nontitle match between Triple H and "someone that Stephanie McMahon is very - comfortable with. Someone that Stephanie McMahon has something in common with. How about Triple H - one on one with...the Godfather." What's Stephanie got in common with the Godfather? "Hey, Stephanie! Who knows? You might even get lucky tonoight - I mean, let's face it - tonight, here on SmackDown! - Stephanie just may take a ride on ... THE HOOOOOOOO TRRRRRRAIIIIIN!!!" Awww, listen to the big lug growl. Who could POSSIBLY think he's capable of such a mean-spirited vendetta against Blaustein and Lions Gate?

The WWF Rewind is brought to you by "WWF Agression" - in stores on the 21st - from Monday, the Hardcore title changes hands twice in twenty seconds.

EDGE (you think you Sonny Onoo him) & CHRISTIAN v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ for the tag team titles - Later tonight, Crash defends the title at an amusement park! Let Us Take You Back to Monday and a bad night for Mae Young. *This* match is apparently the long-awaited title shot the #1 Contenders have been waiting for - huh? Here on SmackDown!? What a letdown! Quick brawl to start. Christian tossed outside while D-Von hits his Jumpin' Slop Drop on Edge. Buh-Buh Ray tagged in, right, off the ropes, back body drop, off the ropes with an elbowdrop. 1, 2, nope! Right, right for Christian, drawing him in and distracting referee "Blind" Tim White long enough for the "headbutt to the graun" spot. D-Von gets 2. Edge punches twice, but D-Von still in control - off the ropes with the back elbow. Scoop - and a slam. Off the ropes, but THIS elbowdrop MISSES! Both men slow to get up - right from Edge, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Edge ducks a clothesline and hits a heel kick - tag to Christian! Right, right, right for Buh-Buh Ray, charge sidestepped, tornado DDT - 1, 2, kickout! Edge meets Buh-Buh Ray in the center with a double clothesline, taking both of them out. Christian setting him up for the Tomokaze but D-Von shoves him into White - Christian pulls up, preventing a collision, but 'pon ducking a straight right from D-Von, White gets PASTED. Christian hits HIS Slop Drop, but there's no count and no consciousness from White. NIPPLES is out and sliding a chair in to Buh-Buh Ray (huh?) but as he turns to show off the chair, Christian dropkicks him in the back and he drops it! D-Von ducks a clothesline, though - and there's 3D! The Dudley Death Drop! 1, 2, 3! (3:02) The Dudleyz grab their belts and take off - Terri does some skipping and that devil horn thing we all find incredibly annoying - HEY! HARDY BOYZ are out and they've got a hold of Terri! Slid into the ring - Edge & Christian advance...Christian showing some righteous indignation but Edge calling him off. Disgusted, Christian leaves the ring, Edge right behind him. Behind THEIR backs, Terri does the horn thing again, BUT Edge spies it on the OvalTron (EDGE IS THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!), turns around and SPEARS her! Yow! Christian, back in...don't tell me he's gonna go soft....nope, he gives one of those smiling nods and rejoins his brother as they walk out through the crowd. Here's a replay and Edge looks funny doing the horn thing and hopping around.

The Helmsleys are WALKING! And just *happening* to walk by some ho's on the way...Stephanie slows...stares...and sneers...sorta

Live, from New York, it's THE ROCK! (on another network)

Mankind runs out of ravioli - stop the presses

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - hey, Terri got speared again! What were the odds of THAT happening?

THA GODFATHA (with eight - no, four women) v. TREBLE H (with Stephanie Ono) in a nontitle match - the ho's are in their TV-PG outfits tonight - hardly worth mentioning (except for the PTC folk taking notes). "It's time once again for everybody to sing along like they always do!" Seems weird to see Triple H wrestling at thirty-seven after eight, don't it? Of course, there's no wrestling competing with this show tonight...not that there's any on Monday, ba dum bum. "Hey, Stephanie McMahon! You know, there might just be a place for you on the Ho Train. But you know what, it would be in the caboose!" H waylays Godfather in response for his INCREDIBLY disrespectful, incredibly funny line. HIGH KNEE! Godfather finally comes back with a few clotheslines, a big boot, head to the buckle. Right hands. Even though this is nontitle, do ANY of us expect Godfather to win? Off the ropes, back elbow by Godfather. Into the ropes, baaaaack body drop. Give H some credit, he's making him look good. UPN44 wants to send me to see SmackDown!, plus a chance to meet a WWF Superstar! WOW! I'm gonna go enter on UPN44.com RIGHT NOW! Oh yeah, the match - Triple H sidesteps the Ho Train splash, right off the ropes, reversed, facecrusher by Triple H. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW & SKIPPY walk out for no apparent reason. Both Stephanie and Shane meet on the apron, drawing over referee "Blind" Earl Hebner. Show on the apron, Helmsley throws a right at him and he falls to the floor. Then he goes out to follow him! Right, right, right, Shane barrells over him from behind - Show scoops him up and runs his spine into the ringpost! Rolled back in...for the Godfather? - 1, 2, 3! HOLY SHIT! (2:51) I *almost* feel bad for half-assing this match description....well, no, not really. Shane and Show walk back up the ramp rather pleased, while Stephanie gives us "extreme unhappiness."

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Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - wow, Triple H laid down for the Godfather. He's SO much cooler than the Rock

Back to real time, where Triple H trashes his office - hey, that was a *perfectly* good vegetable tray!

ACOLYTES (with Mide-i-e-i-on) v. HEAD CHEESE (with Head & No Cheese) - Mideon has afforded enough masking tape to write "RULES" under "APA" this week. Backstage, Snow suggests "Snow/Blackman Outer Space Ninjas" and produces a Martian - a midget in kitchen gloves, Mini-Undertaker black and purple rope, green head, and saying "Riiiiiii" a lot. Blackman tells Snow it's a GREAT idea - then as he walks off, Blackman turns to the Martian, says "welcome to Earth," and gives him a big shot with a bashin' baton. The Martian makes...a pained sound. King of the Ring sold out in five minutes. Acolytes strike first - Faarooq and Blackman (who teamed for about ten minutes last year) go outside and play with the STEEL steps while Bradshaw and Snow dance in the ring. Snow getting the upperhand, defying all laws of nature. Whip is reversed, but Snow slides out of harm's way a second time - but runs into a big boot. Blackman tastes the commentary table, putting him out. Faarooq in - double whip, double shoulderblock. Snow goes outside and Bradshaw follows. Blackman back in to meet Faarooq while Snow reverses it and puts Bradshaw on the STEEL steps. Mideon trying to help - Bradshaw puts him in the path of the leaping Snow. Bradshaw puts Snow into the steps, then comes in to help out Faarooq, who whips him into a big elbow. Bodyslam by Faarooq, but when he tries to follow it up, Snow trips him up as he comes off the ropes. Snow in, stomp, stomp, Blackman joins him, stomp, stomp, stomp. Snow stomp. Into the ropes, clothesline, kneedrop, another knee dropped, tag to Blackman, double suplex coming up - yes! "I'm the Lethal Weapon!" Blackman stomping on him, martial arts-style. Right hand - tag to Snow, into the ropes, Faarooq with a double clothesline. Crawling to Bradshaw - tag! We see that Mideon has Head for some reason....Bradshaw's a house on fire! Back elbow off the rope sfor Snow, big boot off the ropes for Blackman. Snow's head to the buckle, Snow comes back with a face rake - Blackman on Faarooq - it's broken down as all four men are in the ring. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton NEVER had control of this one - Mideon (apparently) tossing Head in, but *Snow* catches it - Blackman down with a double shoulderblock - Snow WHACKS Mideon with Head, but turns back to eat the Clothesline from Hell. Bradshaw covers while Faarooq smothers Blackman. 1, 2, 3. (3:00) Replay of the Tejas Lariat.

Rikishi Phatu is WALKING! No - NO - DON'T TURN AROUND AND SHOW US YOUR ASS - awwww shit

Meanwhile, Shane and Show - ARE - WALKING!!

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And now, the WWF Boot of the Week - thanks to LUGZ!! From the War Zone, Vince McMahon returned, threw some rights, swung a chair, counted a pinfall and absolutely NO boots were involved. Oh well.

WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with Skippy) v. RIKISHI PHATU (with giant TV-PG-DLV ratings box but otherwise by his damn self) - One would THINK that Helmsley would go for some revenge here, but I haven't been doing to well with the predictions tonight. Shane, in the ring, goads Phatu, who locks a steely gaze on him - and misses the Show PASTING him from the side. Well it's another meaty paw, well it's a whip into the STEEL steps. Well it's a roll into the ring and the opening bell hits. Up in the corner - well it's a big open-handed slap, well it's a big kick, well it's a big elbow. BOB BACKLUND WRESTLES TONIGHT!! Referee "Blind" Teddy Long asks to please take it out of the corner - Show turns him around and well it's a big right cross. "How's that?" Well it's a big elbow. Well it's a big whip into the opposite corner - well it's a big splash. Well it's a big headbutt. Well it's a big foot on the throat. Well it's a big UPN 44 crawl. FINALLY Phatu gets a move in edgewise by reversing a whip, following with a clothesline - and hitting a superkick! Time for the stinkface - everyone's FAVOURITE move. Show charges - but ends up in a (almost) Samoan Drop! But Show pops up and well it's a big clothesline - Phatu spins for added emphasis. Well it's a big BELLY-to-BELLY suplex. Show motioning for it - but the HELMSLEYS are out - H blocks a punch from Shane and puts him down with one shot. Stephanie up on the apron to occupy Long with her incredible acting ability (not to mention feminine wiles) - Show lunges at Triple H but takes a knee to the Little Show - and a Pedigree! Phatu is only too happy to walk over, hit the Banzai Drop and score the pinfall. H putting Shane into the post for good measure. (3:05) TOO COOL come out to celebrate and if we're *really* lucky, NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! That's a pretty big "Rikishi" chant, though, ain't it? "American Males / American Males / American Males / American Males / American Males / American Males / American Males / American Males" Hey, how about a replay of the Pedigree, just in case you forgot it - and a very special "Butt-cam" view of the Banzai Drop..

Bob Backlund gives me chills talking to a friendly, grey-haired security guard most likely named "Pops:" "Mr. Angle - Young man, the crossface chickenwing is the most devastating submission hold in professional wrestling." "It's true, really it is. Mr. Backlund, I have a great idea. Why don't you procure your crossface chickenwing on this nice man?" Backlund promptly "snaps" and it's 1994 all over again. And I seriously COULDN'T be happier.

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where H ran out, took out Shane, and Pedigreed Big Show.

Backstage, Big Show does a little tantrum destruction of his own while Shane looks on.

KURT ANGLE & MR. BOB BACKLUND v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO (with That Slut Chyna) and TAZZZZZZZZZZ - Man, Backlund looks FANTASTIC for fifty - oops, gave away his age. Pretend you didn't hear that. "Now I realise that Long Island, New York is going through some very hard times. For example, the economy here has plummeted - but I'm doing my best as Intercontinental champion to help solve that problem (as I did for Europe). And two, Amy Fisher has been set free from jail. So I want all you men out there and your wives and girlfriends to watch out (if you know what I mean). And three, did I mention that your hockey team is in complete shambles...it's true, it's true, they are! But to shine some light on the matter, tonight, you not only have one hero to look up to, and to cheer for - you know have TWO heroes to look up to and to cheer for. YOUR Intercontinental champion and European Champion - and TWO-TIME World Wrestling Federation champion, Mr. Bob Backlund!" "Ladies and gentlemen, and I use that term loosely...I stopped wrestling four years ago because of the cavity - the voluminous vacavily [I think he meant to say "cavity" again] you have fallen into! And Mr. Ingells [I think he meant...yeah] is the man that's gonna bring you out of that cavity and put morality back into your lives...when he becomes--" The Y2J countdown cuts him off. "I just want to point out to all of the Jerichoholics here tonight (and watching at home) that this is a very special occasion - because standing in the middle of the ring together are the two biggest NURDS in all of America! I mean, especially you, Backlund, with those cheesy suspenders and that horrible Howdy Doody haircut - I just want to ram my fist up your backside and use you as a ventriloquist's dummy (funny voice) 'Hi! I'm Bob Backlund! I'm a complete loser! I wanna procure the chicken wing!' Well the only thing you're gonna procure tonight, jerky, is a rapacious incursion courtesy of Y - 2 - J." Tazz must contribute his two cents as well. "Kurt Angle - Bob Backlund - Kurt Angle - somebody's getting choked out tonight, and there's two things you can do about it...nothing, and like it." Ooooooooooooh! Cue the "ECW" chant as Angle and Tazz start out. To the corner we roll, kick, kick, Tazz whips him out, Angle holds on and hits a belly-to-belly suplex - Backlund tagged in and he's sneaking up behind for it ALREADY! YAAAA - oh, Tazz evaded the attempt and sweeps the leg. Angle tagged back in. Elbow to the back. Right, into the ropes, Tazz pulls up and T-bones him. Tag to Jericho, clothesline, shot for Backlund on the outside, chop, chop, chop for Angle, into the ropes, boot, (edit?), powerbomb, holding onto him for the double powerbomb! Lionsault coming up - got it! 1, Backlund breaks it up - Tazz in, Backlund out - over the barricade and running out through the crowd! Now THAT'S how you use a 50-year old performer! As Jericho and Angle run the ropes, we cut back to see THE TAZZMISSION on Backlund!! Angle ducks off the ropes, Sunset flip, Jericho rolls through, the Walls of Jericho are on! But here comes...CHRIS BENOIT? (DQ 2:00) You know, it STILL looks a little strange to see a "WWF Attitude" shirt on Benoit, doesn't it? Belly-to-back on Jericho! Chyna in the ring and laying in the boots on Benoit - but EDDIE GUERRERO attacks Chyna from behind - while Benoit hits a swandive headbutt on Angle! Wait a minute...I guess they weren't out to help anybody, 'cause everyone's left laying...

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JONATHON COACHMAN brings us up to date on the Crash Holly situation...or, rather, tries to...Kane ends up mugging him, trying to get the whereabouts of X-Pac - but he doesn't know.

Earlier Today, the "Fun Time USA" provided the location for a Hardcore title defense as the HEAD BANGERS dragged referee "BLIND" EARL HEBNER into the arcade to find CRASH HOLLY. We follow Mosh to the upper level where he scoop slams him on the floor - then decries the lack of a referee (except he told him to stay down there and wait for him - oops) Anyway, Crash goes down a slide (the cameraman follows - I get seasick) but Thrasher is at the bottom with a garbage can. Hebner counts - 1, 2, Mosh break it up. Doubleteam beatdown - dropped on a STEEL barricade - Mosh removes his belt and whips him while Thrasher uses the Hardcore title belt. Now slammed on the "Test of Strength" with appropriate sound effects - Mosh covers, Thrasher breaks it up after 2. Thrasher suggests putting him on the Test of Strength pad - but Holly manages to get the oversized hammer, drive it into the gut of Mosh, then climb into the giant playpen. Both Bangers try to follow - then they decide to send Earl in first. They plot to trap Holly in the pit of balls, but Holly manages a flying clothesline off the monkey bars - then swings on a rope into a 'rana! Holly manages to get out with a suitcase (and belt?) - the Bangers are left to complain to Earl.

Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. Let Us Take You Back Once Again to the Dudley Boyz powerbombing Mae Young through the table off the stage. This leads to a Special Video Look at Mae Young's tenure in the WWF - broncobusters, French kissing Edge, the infamous swimsuit competition, the relationship with Mark Henry, and the comments made by Moolah on Monday. How could Moolah ever condone the hell that the Dudleyz have put her through? Lawler tells us that Young is convalescing from her injuries - Cole tells us that Henry is unavaible ...and distraught.

Backstage, a strategy meeting betwixt Triple H, X-Pac, Tori and Stephanie is broken up when Kane strikes! Going for X-Pac, but Triple H manages to hit him from behind with a 2x4 - then they lock him in the WWF.com truck trailer.

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago...or...reprint the previous paragraph. Hey Kane, Download This!

LILIAN GARCIA interviews Vince McMahon - if Kane can't make his match tonight, then it should be *X-Pac* taking on Kane tonight.

SmackDown! is brought to you by SmackDown! (huh), phonefree.com, and "WWF Aggression (Rap is Crap)"

GRAND MASTER SEXAY (with Scotty Too Hotty) v. DEAN MALENKO (with Eddie Guerrero) for the WWF Light Heavyweight Championship - hey, remember when Brian Christopher was in the finals for this belt back in '97? No? What were you watching THEN, the NWO? You were? Oh. Malenko spies Sexay's back to him and strikes. Kick, kick, kick, right, into the opposite corner, reversed, big hiptoss by Sexay, dancin', clothesline, into the ropes is reversed, Malenko tries a waistlock but Sexay sidesteps it and the momentum carries Malenko to the floor. AND NOW THE SHIRT COMES OFF! Sexay with a baseball slide dropkick, taking out BOTH Malenko and Guerrero on the outside! Too Cool celebrating in the ring - Scotty bouncing on the bottom rope, then taking a pratfall and popping up like "I meant to do that." Malenko from behind - in postition for the suplex, Sexay reverses, wow wotta suplex. Bulldog - 1, 2, no. Later tonight, another #1 contenders' tag team match - Hardyz against Benoit & Saturn! Going for another bulldog, Malenko throws Sexay crotch-first into the turnbuckle hard. Right. Off the ropes, leapfrog turned into an atomic drop by Sexay. DDT-alike. Both men down - cue the American Males clpa. Sexay with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, off the ropes, dropping him on his face, right, into the corner hard, time for the Thriller, whip into the opposite corner, superkick - Guerrero on the apron and referee "Blind" Jack Doan misses his chance to count. Sexay over to complain, Malenko over to take him down with a hard clothesline. Into the corner, off the ropes with a clothesline to the back of the head. **Malenko making Scott Taylor's "I'm about to do the Wurm" face!!!!!** But Hotty grabs his ankle and trips him up. Malenko and Hotty ready to go at it but for the referee standing between them - on the outside, Guerrero punching away - but Sexay ducks - then crotches him on the post. Doan turns to this - and Hotty hits a hot shot on Malenko! Man, Jack misses EVERYTHING. Meanwhile, Sexay is ready to fly - you can tell because he's got the goggles - Guerrero makes it to the apron, however, and waffles him with his bad arm. "*That* didn't seem to bother his arm!" Cole's not watching, apparently. Malenko covers for the fall. (Formula 4:09) Post-match, Scotty Too Hotty sneaks up and flattens Malenko, then Guerrero, doubleteam on Malenko, dobule flapjack - whipping Guerrero into the ropes, but he holds on and escapes. As Guerrero points to his head - he ends up attacked from behind by THAT SLUT CHYNA. DDT! Did Cole just call that DDT a "3rd Rock" and will I have to shoot him? Chyna's music plays and she and Too Cool take turns touching two fingers. Oh oh, they're trying to get funky, quick, cut to

Rock hosts SNL this Saturday! Dammit, YOU *MUST* WATCH!!

The commentators shamelessly shill "The Beat," airing Tuesday on UPN. Undoubtedly, it'll do as well as that "I Dare You" show did - or maybe as well as "The Strip" - right?

Backstage, Tony Garea and Sergeant Slaughter attempt to free Kane - why don't they go find the guy who drives the truck? He's probably got a key

HARDY BOYZ v. CHRIS BENOIT & PERRY SATURN in a #1 Contenders match - The ring is duly rushed and it's the proverbial "on." Double catapult on Jeff takes him to the outside! Matt put in the corner, then knocked down from behind. Saturn to the outside and Benoit works over Matt - powerbomb reversed into a victory roll but Benoit sneaks out. Matt with a neckbreaker, second rope legdrop, 2 count. Going for the Twist of Fate, but Benoit shoves him into Saturn, who catches him in a hot shot. Benoit pulls the hair, then takes him down by kicking the back of his leg to sweep it. Into the corner, tag to Saturn. Double whip, double back elbow, DOUBLE DOUBLE OKIE BLOW! Saturn with the suplex, a shot for Jeff to bring him in and occupy referee "Blind" Tim White, but he tags in Benoit anyway - hey man, CHEAT if you're gonna do it behind the ref's back! Knoncking him down - tag to Saturn, and they do the Blackman/Snow backbreaker/super kneedrop combo. I'm with Lawler - that should have been three. Saturn puts Matt on the top turnbuckle, right, HE'S on top, but Hardy shoves him off - cross body block and both men are down. Matt crawling - tag to Jeff! He comes in with a moonsault that misses but he lands on his feet, then goes upstairs with a standing dropkick. Lariat for Saturn - Benoit in, Benoit into the bottom turnbuckle via a drop toehold. Hardy running at Saturn - who catapults him into Benoit, oops! Saturn runs at Hardy, who sidesteps it, causing him to run into Benoit again, oops times two! Saturn to his knees - Hardy uses him for the all fours side kick on Benoit! Saturn manages his version of the Tiger suplex, and Matt has to break it up. Both Hardys send Saturn into the ropes, double back elbow, simultanous fistdrop/senton combo - Matt covers, Benoit in to break it up. The Hardys grab Benoit and double suplex him, then Matt takes him to the outside while Jeff goes out to run the barricade and hit his flying clothesline! In the ring, Matt DOES hit the Twist of Fate on Saturn, and Jeff is ready for the wonton soup - 1, 2, Benoit pulls Jeff outside! Matt to the top - and diving onto Jeff and Benoit! Saturn wants some of this lucha action - and a twisting somersault plancha from Saturn is about as ugly as you can imagine it. White is counting regular and fast as we check some replays - in fact, he gets to ten (DCOR 4:54) before we're done with them. We come back to see all four men brawling on the outside - the refs come out to break it up...say, so who's the #1 Contender?

Back in the trashed office, X-Pac expresses unhappiness that he's got to fight the Rock tonight. "Hey, I didn't get you into this - VINCE got you into this - but...I'll get you OUT of this..."

The Rock is WALKING!

WWF Axxess spot

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WrestleMania is *3* Weeks away! (sorta)

X-PAC (with Tori) v. LA ROCA - the Rock is on the Today show Friday - smells like an SNL plug to me, Matt! X-Pac tries a dropkick through the ropes, but it misses. Rock lays in with the kicks and the punches and now we're over the barricade. Hey cameraman, the action's over there! Thanks. Back over the barricade we go - to the OTHER side of the floor, where X-Pac finally mounts a flurry of his own - and now we're over THAT barricade. Rock punching back, there's a clothesline. X-Pac dropped throat first on the barricade and back over we go again. Rock ducks a clothesline, picks up X-Pac and crotches him on the post. Now SKIPPY & WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW are walking out to ringside as Rock and X-Pac hit the ring and the opening bell FINALLY rings to start this match. Right by the Rock, elbow to the back, right, right, right, Rock taking a gander, whip is reversed, Shane grabs the ankle, X-Pac takes advantage of the subsequent distraction - off the ropes, duck, X-Pac with a clothesline. 1, 2, kickout. Blatant choke by X-Pac. Now the HELMSLEYS are walking down to join the party. Head to the buckle, right, right, kick, right, kick, right, Rock comes back with three rights, into the ropes is reveresed, X-Pac tosses Rock over the top to the floor. Show is over to lay some rights into him - now Triple H is over to give oan elbow to the Show so HE cna do some damage to the Rock. Rolled in - 2 count only. X-Pac lays him on the mat - lightning legdrop, cover, 2. Rock punches back, shove into the ropes, spinebuster. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner puts on a count - both men stir at 4. Rock with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine", again, right, right, off the ropes, Samoan drop, cover, 2! Right by Rock, into the corner, but X-Pac puts up the boot - running at the Rock, but he catches him in a bodyslam - wow, Rock knows the BODYSLAM! Tori's up on the apron, so Hebner doesn't see the cover...Rock gets up to glare, then turns back into a spinning heel kick. Set up in the corner, X-Pac standing on the neck - I smell bronco buster - but Rock pops up and hits Rock Bottom! 1, Show pulls Hebner away. Rock over with a right for the Show - behind Hebner's back, H waffles Rock with the title belt! 1, 2, no! Almost immediately, the music and explosion hits and THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE, who makes a beeline for X-Pac and gets in a couple uppercuts (DQ? Call 4:11) before X-Pac goes outside and they exit through the crowd. Meanwhile, IN the ring Rock is working over Triple H - HE KISSED THAT RIGHT! Show is in and Rock works HIM over - meeting of the minds - Rock's music hits as Show and H decide they each will get in more individual offense if they just work over each other and let the Rock walk away. Hebner takes HIS leave as well - no need to try to get in between these two guys, right? We look backstage to see Vince watching the proceedings on a monitor...and smiling...