/23 March 2000
I GET LETTERS:
Kristen Daimler was the first to take me to task for not
spotting this important fact about last week's show: Hey Chris: Just
wanted to point out one detail you missed. When the Big Show came down
for his match against Rikishi, he was in his shorts, but when he did he
fireworks thing, he was in his leather pants. Then he suddenly switched
back to shorts again! What were they afraid he couldn't count to three
twice in one night?? Just thought I'd point it out.
KINGS UPDATE: 39-28, 17 GB and in fifth place (1/2 game behind Seattle) - hey, welcome back, KJ!
Before the show, UPN 44 sneaks in yet another chance to hype their "win a chance to meet a WWF Superstar at a *catered* Pre-SmackDown! party!" contest. Are you excited? UPN44.com!
THEN we get the "7-Up vending machine on the freeway ad" which RULES.
Here's the UPN logo I always make fun of - I bet we see it in about an hour, too
TV-PG-DLV One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
LAST MONDAY: Here's some clips in "compressed-fake-letterbox-and-fun-video-effects-o-vision." Can anybody tell me why Vince booked the WrestleMania main event on RAW thirteen days earlier? I mean, really? Is there some logic in there that I just don't grasp? Did Linda tell him "Hey, I think I'll do this, so why not book this match on RAW in Chicago?" in bed one night? Hey, does H pinning Show here mean that's equivalent to his return match? Yow, with this whole orange patina treatment to the picture, they sure make Linda look old and weird lookin', don't they? Fatal four way at WrestleMania? Jim Ross can't believe it!
Opening Credits - wakka wakka woom waaa wakka wakka wooom wa
PY - RO! WE ARE ON TAPE 23.2.2K (taped 21.2) from the Bradley Center in Milwaukee, WI - a city I will ALWAYS associate with Alice Cooper - en espanol donde sea disponible and the crowd brought signs!
Tonight's opening arguments will be presented by STEPHANIE ONO & TREBLE H. Ewwww, Hunter's got *headlights!* Why do I think of Ken Shamrock when Helmsley climbs the turnbuckles and hits that pose? Triple H is apparently the Game - what game, hopscotch? "You know Monday night, Vince McMahon told the world that he had an announcement...["slut, repeat"] ...that he had an announcement that would rock the World Wrestling Federation from its very foundation. Well, tonight, my oh so beautiful wide will make an announcement that will not just rock the World Wrestling Federation, but WILL knock it from its very foundation. But in the meantime, I've got a question that I need answered. You see, Monday night Vince McMahon came out here and he made a Triple Threat match. He gave the world the main event from WrestleMania. It was The Game against the Big Show...and the Rock. That match was made under the premise that it would never take place again - if we had the match, it would not go on to WrestleMania - it was a one-time deal. The promise was made. We had the match, and I did what I always do. I proved to the world that I am The Game - that I am *that damn good* - because not only did I beat not only the Big Show, but I beat the Rock! And as I walked out of that ring with my hand held in the air, and the World Wrestling Federation championship STILL in my possession, I was met at the top of the ramp by yet ANOTHER McMahon waiting to screw me [ewwwww!] Linda McMahon comes out here and wants to make matches. She wants to make the WrestleMania match - she wants to make a Fatal Four-way elimination match with the very men I just beat! She wants it to be me, she wants it to be the Big Show, she wants it to be the People's...Chump, the Rock - and she wants it to be the man that I *destroyed* at the Royal Rumble. She wants it to be the man that I singlehandedly retired from the World Wrestling Federation at No Way Out - she wants that fourth man...yeah, she wants that fourth man to be *Mick Foley.* Well, herein lies my question. Linda McMahon - WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE to come out here and demand anything of me; to come out here and tell me what *I* am going to do! Linda McMahon, I want you to come out here right now, and I want you to tell me just who it is you think you are. Now, Linda - now, MOM - don't make this difficult - GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE - NOW!!" And so LINDA McMAHON *does* come out, to - holy crap, that's "(Whoa-oh-oh) WrestleMania" from the old "Slam Jam" album! "Triple H...let me tell you who I am. I'm Linda McMahon, and I've got just as much stroke around here as anybody does. And because of that, and because Mick Foley is a deserving individual whose lifelong dream was to be in the main event at WrestleMania - yes, I made that match. I made the Fatal Four-way elimination match. And, since it seems that a McMahon has aligned himself with each of the participants (Shane will be in the corner of Big Show, Vince has resolved to be with the Rock, and I would assume that your wife, Stephanie will continue to remain in your corner), and I - I will be in the corner of Mick Foley. So there you have it - a McMahon in every corner. But let me be clear about one thing. Mick Foley is coming back for one night, and for one night only." "You know, I'm just not buyin' that, Linda. That Mick Foley's back for one night - I know that you think he can do it, so let's just go on the premise that maybe he stands a slight chance - that maybe he could win that match. What then? Mick Foley is retired." "Triple H, let me give you this bit of information - I think that in all likelihood, Mick Foley WILL win the match at WrestleMania. And he, then, would go out on top - the way he should go out - retire as the World Wrestling Federation champion. However, that night the title would be declared vacant, and the very next night a tournament would begin that would last for the next few weeks, all the way to Backlash in Washington, DC, where a new World Wrestling Federation champion WILL be crowned." "Well, Linda, obviously you've put a lot of thought into this - a lot of planning. Well I'm sorry you wasted your time, because let me tell you how WrestleMania is gonna go - WrestleMania is gonna go like this. Four-way elimination match: first thing I'm gonna do - and I'm sure you'll love this - first thing I'm gonna do is I'm gonna beat the Rock - pretty much just because I hate him the most. Then I'm gonna beat the Big Show. And I'm gonna save the best for last, because then I'm gonna go after Mick Foley, and I'm gonna wait for him until last...for you, Linda. Because I'm sure this is your idea to bring Mick Foley back, but understand this - what I do to Mick Foley at WrestleMania - when I beat him worse than he's ever been beaten in his life - when after that match, he can't remember where he lives - when after that match, he can't remember who his kids are - when after that match, he can't walk and he's confined to a wheelchair - it's not on my head, Linda. I will sleep easy at night. It won't be on my conscience, *it will be on yours.* Linda, you'll be in Mick Foley's corner that night, and I hope you'll remain there after, because when the match is done, Mick Foley will have nobody else behind him - not these idiots, not his family - nobody...but YOU. You can be the one that pushes Mick Foley's wheelchair. You can be the one that plugs his little food into the tube that runs into his mouth and feeds his lame ass. And even though Mick Foley can't talk...Linda, know this - that inside his head, the thoughts still lurk, and the thoughts will go like this: 'why, Linda - why did you do this? Why did you call my house and ask me to be in WrestleMania? Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone? Leave me retired - WHY did you ask me to get in the ring with Triple H one more time?' And eventually, Linda, the answer will come to Mick Foley - one day it will hit him like a bolt of lightning. It will dawn on Mick Foley, Linda, that you did it - because you are a cold heartless (bleep)." Linda, not used to rhyming with "witch," gives us "well I never" and huffs off. Play the Game's music!
Backstage, Ivory gives Crash Holly a rubdown - or tries to - Holly seems rather stressed about things. Finally he relaxes a bit as she works the spine - then she secretly beckons to Teddy Long, who stealthily tiptoes into the picture (ha!) - Ivory grabs a jar and breaks it over his head, then covers - Holly kicks out at two, grabs his belt and runs off clad only in a towel. Hope Long didn't get any glass shards in his hand!
And now the WWF Rewind, brought to you by "WWF Aggression!" Chris Benoit puts his hands on Kurt Angle's belt - most unfortunate as Angle takes him out with the belt. No favoritism, however - later he takes out Chris Jericho in the same way. From RAW.
OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, CELEBRATED REAL ATHLETE, AMERICAN HERO, OSCAR NOMINEE, PRESENTER, SINGER OF ALL FIVE NOMINATED SONGS, AND SPECIAL GUEST ON BARBARA WALTERS' POST-CEREMONY INTERVIEW SPECIAL KURT ANGLE v. CHRIS BENOIT in a nontitle bout - "Now I realise that I made a bid to put up a title in a Triple Threat match against Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho at WrestleMania but THIS is ridiculous! Your Olympic Hero has just been informed earlier today that I not only have to put up ONE title, but I now have to put up BOTH of my titles. Hold on! Now the match is called a "Two Fall Triple Threat Match" which means one fall for each title. Now, you don't have to be a genius - well actually, you could be one of the several dairy-farm inbreds from Milwaukee, Wisconsin - to figure out that this is a CONSPIRACY! It's true! It's true. So tonight, I'm gonna give Mr. Benoit a little taste of what he can expect at WrestleMania, and that's a little touch of intensity, a little touch of integrity, and a little touch of something that he does not have much of - and that's intelligence. And it's true." Just after Benoit gets in the ring, the Y2J countdown peels off and out comes CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - is he going to join this match and make the WrestleMania confrontation meaningless? Perhaps he has some used "CONSPIRACY VICTIM" signs sell Angle for half-price? Nope, looks like he's going to join our commentators (a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER) as Benoit attacks a distracted Angle from behind to kickstart this match. Big forearm, elbow, scoop - and a slam. Off the ropes, dropkick and Angle rolls outside. Benoit goes outside as Jericho calls him "Mr. Roboto" and compares his monotone delivery to Kane's. Angle rolled back in and Benoit's back in. Gutshot, into the corner sternum first, Angle backs up into a waistlock, Angle elbows out, off the ropes, overhead belly-to-belly release suplex. Wow! Angle stomping away. Benoit put in the corner, Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, standing on the neck, referee "Blind" Jack Doan forces the break. Nice snap suplex and floatover for 2. Backstage, we see Mr. Bob Backlund enjoying the proceedings on the special oval monitor. Clothesline gets another 2 for Angle. "Angle sux" chant flusters Angle. Pound, pound, cover, 2. Jericho putting over both guys as great wrestlers, but non-charismatic jackasses - Jericho's a MONSTER on commentary. Angle sends him into the corner, Benoit puts up the boots. Clothesline ducked, Benoit puts him in a German suplex, holds on for two - there's three - 1, 2, Angle manages a foot on the rope! Knife-edge chop by Benoit, another big chop. A third gunshot chop. Benoit kicks, ready to whip him out but Angle holds on, putting him in place for the Olympic Slam, but Benoit scoots free and shoves Angle into the corner - he backs up and conks Benoit right in the head, knocking him to the mat. Angle goes outside for the IC title and brings it back in - Jericho says he's off to do some troubleshooting - "see you, Mitchell." Jericho grabs the EURO title and gets in the ring - hope Angle likes WAFFLES! (DQ 3:18) For an encore, Jericho gives a belt shot to Benoit as well. Walls of Jericho for Angle! Angle taps as if it'll help. Some more zebras hit the ring as crowd chants "Y-2-J!" Jericho FINALLY lets go of the hold as Tony Garea lays down a little verbal law - now he grabs *Benoit* and puts HIM in the Walls of Jericho! Jericho does a wildman arm flail and crowd digs him the most. He's banging his head! Push him to the moon!
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands backstage with BILLIONAIRE VINCE. Does he have speculation as to Stephanie's big announcement for later in the show? "I do have some idea, actually - I think that Stephanie is going to announce that she's pregnant - and then from there, I think she's going to announce that in some nine months that she's going to deliver an eight pound baby anteater." McMahon makes the "big schnozz" pantomime in case we don't Get It. Kelly mentions that we're on the road to WrestleMania. "No question about it, I'm very anxious to be in the Rock's corner at WrestleMania; and speaking of WrestleMania, when we left RAW on Monday night, a lot of people were asking me today, what about the tag team division? Because we had no clear-cut #1 Contenders as far as, uhh RAW was concerned on Monday night, we should have had, thanks to the Dudleyz, we didn't, so therefore, I think that as far as the Dudleyz are concerned, we should take their tag team championship and hang it some twenty feet above the ring, and the Dudleyz, then, should compete in a special triangle ladder match against Edge & Christian, and the Hardys - that's what I think about the Dudleyz - and speaking of the Dudleys...do you remember when the Dudleyz DROVE the Rock through a table? Well, Rock remembers as well, and that's why tonight - here in Milwaukee [crowd: "He said Milwaukee!"] - Buh-Buh Ray Dudley goes one on one with the Rock."
"WWF Aggression" ad - get it at Musicland and Sam Goody's - goodygotit!
Earlier Today, Al Snow took Steve Blackman to "get him in touch with his cheese roots." He suggests getting a "handful of teat" - just like Farmer Ken! We zoom in on Blackman trying to milk a cow - and see him get sprayed from an impossible angle (well, we'll let that go) - Blackman, milk dripping down his face, slowly walks over to where Snow and Ken are talking - and grabs his trusty nunchuku. "Steve - no...no, Steve - look at that truck over there, Kenny!" Off camera, we hear a swoop followed by a pained "moo." Blackman walks back into the picture. "Cow's sick." And he walks away. Snow thanks Farmer Ken and walks off. Cole is quick to steal the only good line that can come out of this: "That's udderly ridiculous!"
THA GODFATHA (edited entrance) v. BULL "NO RELATION" BUCHANAN - Let Us Take You Back to Monday where Bossman and Buchanan made mincemeat out of the fun lovin' guy who loves to have fun. We are told that Godfather demanded this match with no one at ringside named "Bossman." About three times in the span of thirty seconds we are told that Buchanan has a "storied past," whatever the hell THAT means. Cole also hypes Stephanie's big announcement. Godfather has his way for the first minute, but the tide turns when Godfather whips Buchanan into the corner, he leaps to the top rope with no hands and springs off with a flying clothesline. AXE KICK! 1, 2, nope. Buchanan with a right of his own, right, left, right, left, blatant choke, referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts on the count and it's broken at 4. Godfather dumps him over the top rope, but he holds on and skins the cat to get back in. Side suplex. Buchanan to the top - guillotine legdrop MISSES! Godfather coming back - whip into the ropes is reversed but he hits the clothesline, another, scoop - and a slam. Off the ropes, boot to the head. Head to the buckle, put into the opposite corne, and it's time once again for - BIG BOSSMAN to hit the ring and break it up (DQ 2:44) Bossman works him over with the nightstick while Buchanan's weapon of choice is the telescoping baton. Now play their music!
Backstage, Crash Holly worries aloud about somebody trying to interrupt the Hollys' tag match like on Monday. Hardcore tells him to relax - he's taken care of it. There'll be no interference tonight. "If you can't trust me, who can you trust?"
"WWF SmackDown!" for the PlayStation ad - hey! I just figured out the locale in this ad is the Smackdown Hotel! Damn - you know, this is a GOOD commercial because it's been on HOW many weeks and I'm still just figuring out stuff about it? Yeah!
HOLLYS (with Scale Holly) v. HEAD CHEESE (with Head & Cheese - for a minute) - Earlier Tonight, if you missed Ivory and Crash sports-entertaining it up, we can only wonder what show you were watching instead of SmackDown! Tell me this: why doesn't Crash just rescind the 24/7 challenge if it's causing him so much grief? Blackman manages to get the giant cheese on Blackman for a few seconds, but he quickly removes it and leaves it on the ramp. Big ol' "Head Cheese" chant from the crowd - is it okay for me to like Blackman when everybody else does, too? Snow brandishes one of the many "Head Cheese" signs, much to Blackman's dismay. Lockup, Blackman and Hardcore, off the ropes, knockdown by Blackman, up and over, leapfrog by Holly, kick to the midsection, off the ropes, hey it's been a while since we saw that Best Dropkick in the Business, isn't it? Hardcore tags his cousin and holds Blackman up for the Super Heart Punch! A couple of European forearms while the crowd chants "Ellllllroy" - into the ropes, Blackman reverses, Snow hits him AND Blackman hits a thrust kick. Stomp, stomp (karater style, of course), stomp, backbreaker, THUNDEROUS "Let's go Head Cheese" chant. Tag to Snow - they make a wish. Scoop - Crash tied to the Tree of Woe but as Snow tries a baseball slide dropkick, Crash pulls himself up And Snow goes outside. Holly frees himself, tumbles over to his corner and tags in Hardcore. Gutshot, right, right, into the opposite corne, Snow slides to stop himself, but his running clothesline in the opposite direction meets with referee "Blind" Jim Korderas, with only a slight bit of help from Hardcore to set it up. Holly gets a lariat on Snow and tags in Crash. As referee "Blind" Mike Sparks hits the scene, Hardcore turns back around, hits *Crash* with a big boot to the face and covers HIM! 1, 2, kickout! Crash gets out of the ring and hightails it out through the crowd. Sparks follows as the Hollys brawl out to the tech area. Cover - 1, kickout. Crash runs off as the bell rings - apparently Korderas came to and counted to 10. (COR 2:20) Blackman tells everybody he's the Lethal Weapon, but nobody listens. Now T&A are out with a sneak attack for Snow & Blackman. Test drops his Savage elbow on Blackman while Albert hits his double choke Tigerbomb. Some new music plays and TRISH STRATUS (THE FITNESS MODEL) appears at the top of the ramp. "You see, WE give you what you WANT - to see. T (for Test) and A (for Albert) - [she removes her coat] - T and A." Wow! We almost saw her ass tonight!
Backstage, Shane McMahon finds the Mean Street Posse - he wants to let bygones be bygones - he has an offer for the Posse - for one day, wouldn't Pete Gas want to be Triple H? Wouldn't Joey Abs like to be Mick Foley? Wouldn't Rodney want to be the Rock? For one day? The Posse thinks it's a great idea...I guess they're not thinking ahead like I am, but...
Hey! It's the Rock! And he's WALKING!
YES! WE'RE STILL WATCHING UPN!!
It's the WWF Free For All of the Week, brought to you by phonefreedotcom! The Rock was put through a table courtesy the Dudley Boyz and 3D - the Deadly Death Drop - two weeks ago On This Very Show. It is left as an exercise to the view why exactly this constitutes a "free for all."
LA ROCA v. BUH-BUH RAY DAMN DUDLEY (with D-Von Damn Dudley & almost normal lookin' TV-PG-DLV ratings box) - Rock comes to the ring to his track from the "WWF Aggression" CD (complete with special CD graphic replacing the WWF logo in the corner of the screen for a bit) with rap by Method Man. It sounds quite agreeable - oops, Cole just said "I'm diggin' the Method Man," so screw THAT. I'm guessing Rock came out first - nope, NO mic time for the Rock - huh! Maybe after the match? Both Dudleyz paces outside the ring - D-Von on the apron, Buh-Buh Ray on the apron. Both men taking it easy as Rock tries to keep both men in sight. Buh-Buh Ray through the ropes now and the bell rings. He tries running at him but man, this is the ROCK. Blokc, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Into the ropes, back elbow. Right, right, right, head to the buckle, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, D-Von trips him up and pulls him to the outside as referee "Blind" Earl Hebner suddenly becomes VERY interestsed in talking to Buh-Buh Ray. Rock blocks, right, right, whip, held on for the short clothesline - Buh-Buh Ray is outside and HE hits a clothesline on the Rock. Head to the commentary table. Dudley appropriates a headset, which isn't working - oh, he's working a Rock parody groove here. "If ya smelllll lalalala - la la" - Rock over with the bell - DING! Rock takes the headset and tells that sum(beep) that this is the Rock's show. I think he says "poontang pie" when he gets bleeped there, but I'm not sure. Rock breaks the bell (and unleashes another DEADLY sound effect) on D-Von. Right for Buh-Buh Ray - head to the STEEL steps is blocked and ROCK'S head hits 'em. Buh-Buh Ray dumps him over the barricade and looks for D-Von. Rock recovers and clotheslines him back to the ring side. Right, head to the commentary desk, Hebner suggests please taking it back to the ring. Dudley's head AGAIN to the table, now he's crawling over the table trying to escape - Rock pulls him back, right, then pushes him backwards and he tumbles onto the commentators' chairs. Rock pulls him back - and NOW back in the ring. Kick, right, right, "Rock E" chant - Buh-Buh Ray manages a big belly-to-back suplex (or if you're Cole, "sidewalk slam") for 2. Buh-Buh Ray going to the chops - Rock reverses it in the corner, right, right, right, right, whip is reversed, but Rock hits a clothesline. Right, into the ropes, Dudley ducks, gutshot, snap suplex, LOOGIE! Dudley drops his elbow. Into the ropes, reversed, Samoan drop for 2. Gutshot, DDT, D-Von on the apron and Rock's cover goes unnoticed - Rock over with a right. Buh-Buh Ray ducks and hits ANOTHER backdrop suplex. D-Von produces a table outside the ring as Buh-Buh Ray prepares him - oops, not ready enough - Rock comes to and hits the good ol' Greco-Roman Golota. Right, right, right, into the ropes, D-Von on the apron, Buh-Buh Ray whipped into D-Von who falls into the table, breaking it! Right for Buh-Buh Ray, whip, holding on, spinebuster, and it's time now for THE most so and so - the People's Elbow! 1, 2, 3! (5:30) Rock smells it. We follow him up the aisle, then get a VERY friendly camera angle of D-Von breaking the table - I almost think his feet hit the floor before he falls through the table...is Buh-Buh Ray bleeding here? Ewwww.
And now, the Fastest Slam of the Week - brought to you by Western Union Money Transfer - the fastest way to lose money! From RAW last Monday, Linda McMahon presents Mick Foley by way of announcing the WrestleMania title match.
LARRY KING stands in the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen, indeed, he is going to WrestleMania - please welcome to Milwaukee, MICK FOLEY!" Mankind's music plays and out comes Foley. Dare I suggest this interview will either change a lot of minds - or set them in stone? "Well Mick, I think I can speak for all the fans in the World Wrestling Federation by saying even though it's for one night only, it's gonna be great to see you in the main event - the Fatal Four-way elimination match for the World Wrestling Federation championship - but I gotta ask ya - everybody's wondering...how did this all come about?" "Well, first off JR, I'd like to address the fact that a few weeks ago I stood out here and said I was not going to be like all those other people who put their career on the line and came back six weeks later; no, I showed I was a man of my word - I came back in four." Cole yuks it up here - oh, it's gonna be like that, is it. "But it is for one night only at WrestleMania, and then I will never wrestle again, but you see in those four weeks, besides getting my first real haircut in sixteen years...I did relatively little until I heard the phone ringing and Linda McMahon said hello. And Linda asked me how would I like to be a part of WrestleMania - the biggest show in the company's history. And I told Linda that sure, I was looking forward to being part of the fan Axxess weekend - I was looking forward to seeing the fans and signing my name at the Chef Boyardee booth. She said, 'ah, Mick, I'm not sure you understand. I want you to be part of the main event at WrestleMania. The one thing in your career that you've never done.' And I spent the next twenty minutes trying to tell Linda McMahon all the reasons why I should not be a part of the main event at WrestleMania. And I suddenly stopped, and I literally said 'Am I REALLY trying to talk you out of putting me in the main event at WrestleMania?' 'cause JR, you know, I know and the fans know, as wrestlers...you just don't walk out on WrestleMania! So I said okay, but I'll be honest. I had never been more nervous than when I showed up and was waiting behind the curtain in Chicago, Illinois, because I really did not know how the fans would react to me. And the reaction literally blew me away. ["Fo ley"] But it seems, JR, that most everybody's happy to have Mick Foley back for one night, and for those people for whom it may take them a little while to forgive me, I can guarantee it won't take it as long to forgive me as it would take me to forgive myself f- if I missed up on this opportunity, and I intend to make the most of it at WrestleMania." "But, but Mick, let's talk about that main event. The - the Fatal Four-way elimination match - WWF title on the line - your thoughts on that match." "Well, you got four of the best competitors ever to step foot in the World Wrestling Federation. You got the Big Show - seven foot two, five hundred pounds, possibly coming off the greatest match of his life on Monday night - a freak of nature, the strongest man this business' ever seen, but I got news for ya Big Show - it's not your night! Then we've got - the Rock. The most electrifying man in sports entertainment today - the best damn tag team partner I ever had - a fellow #1 Author - hell, JR, I've got the original Mr. Rocko pinned up on my wall at home - I *like* the Rock but as much as I do, I just don't think it's going to be his night, because you see, JR, I think that destiny is smiling on Mick Foley, so I've got to eliminate the Rock, and Triple H, you DAMN well better believe it's gonna come down to you and me! And up until about an hour ago, I had no idea what I was going to do in that match until you verbally attacked Linda McMahon - the woman who convinced me to take part at WrestleMania - the woman who convinced me that the people wanted to see Mick Foley when I wasn't so sure - and you went out and you called this woman a (beep)? So Triple H - I'm not going to threaten you with barbed-wire bats because I've already done that - I'm not going to threaten you with thumbtacks because I've already done that - and I'm not going to pretend that I'm not proud when I see your face and a bunch of stitches that I've put there because I am! But I now fully understand how to truly hurt you and that is - in my last match in the WWF - I'm going to take YOUR belt - and the next morning when you wake up you will realise there will not be a damned thing you can do about it because I will be retired and you will be a FORMER WWF Champion! And I'm gonna walk up that aisle, Triple H, and I'm gonna look back at you - and I'm gonna look in your eyes and you're going to know that MY LAST ACT as an active wrestler was kicking your ass! As great a match as No Way Out was, it will not end the same way with me looking back - blood on my face and tears in my eyes and a sad little smile on my face NO! WrestleMania will end a whole lot different! With blood on my face, a tear in my eye and YOUR WWF CHAMPIONSHIP IN MY HAND!"
GTV brings us another look at Terri and the Kat - Kat returns a skirt of Terri's she borrowed - she figured she'd return it since Terri was seeing SO MUCH MORE TV TIME and all...she leaves and Terri unfolds the skirt to see all kindsa stains on it. "You little piece o' trash..."
Here's an exterior shot of the Bradley Center! Hey, it's MARCH!! Why do they STILL have Christmas lights on the trees? Sheesh! That's just like trying to continue to get away with having a "Micasa 99" logo! Oh, wait...
Courtesy: NBC a slightly different highlight reel from the Rock's appearance on SNL. THIS time, the NBC watermark is carefully airbrushed out so as not to compete with the UPN watermark. (USA don't care about that noise). AGAIN we miss the best line of the night from the Rock: "You don't TALK to Nicotrel that way!"
JACQUELINE v. LITA for the Women's Championship - Mmm, they're all greased up and everything! Lockup, armbar by Lita, takedown, floatover, back up, snap suplex by Lita. Kick, one-legged monkey flip, Lita poses, Jackie clips her from behind with a reverse drop toehold. Hairpull, right, side headlock, Lita to the midsection, into the ropes, knockdown by Jacqueline - off the ropes, again, dueling hiptoss attempts and Jackie's wins. In the corner, martial arts kicks, into the opposite corner, armdrag takeover, again, Lita rolls outside. JACQUELINE CAN WRESTLE! Now she's out after her, Lita back in, Jacqueline back in - well now it's just breaking down to a catfight. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton tries to break it up and finds himself involved in a rollaround with Lita (!) - Jacqueline a bit confused by this, and Lita gets a chance to sneak in a blow to the abdomen, another, into the ropes, reversed, Jacqueline tries for a sidewalk slam but Lita swings her legs up into a 'rana! Dropkick. Into the ropes, head down, sunset flip attempt by the champ, Lita sits down on it - 1, 2, Jacqueline pins her arms and swings it her way, 1, 2, 3! (2:19) Well, that wasn't bad for being so damn short. Lita's a sort loser - gutshot, snap suplex (on the belt? Maybe they wanted to, but they didn't), in position as she climbs the ropes - top rope moonsault! I'll ignore the fact that she completely missed her entirely (on all fours over her knees, maybe) 'cause it looked kinda cool. Lita walks off, lost the battle, but won the war? Hmmm, but Jacqueline's still got the belt...eh, we'll worry about it later.
Here's Another Special Video Look at Run-D.M.C. doing a DX thing. Just for Chris Jones, I must repeat: "The King of Rock (Who?) / The King of Rock (What?) / The King of Rock (Who?) / The King of Rock (What?) / The King of Rock (Who?) / The King of Rock (What?) / The King of Rock (Who?) / The King of Rock (What?) / The King of Rock (Who?) / The King of Rock (What?) / The King of Rock (Who?) / The King of Rock (What?) / The King of Rock (Who?) / The King of Rock (What?) / The King of Rock (Who?) / The King of Rock (What?)" Well, you get the idea, yeah. Been to Aggressiondotcom yet? Me neither. I'll get around to it eventually. I keep meaning to enter that UPN 44 contest, too, but I'm so LAZY sometimes. I've neglected to mention KBHK running the crawl once an hour by way of hyping this contest - they must REALLY be hard up for direct marketing mailing list names or something!
Your commentators shamelessly plug "The Beat," UPN's next Tuesday timeslot victim.
The MEAN STREET POSSE's music plays and SKIPPY leads out ... well, looks like the three have had a makeover - sure enough, Pete "Gas" is Triple H (complete with fake belt, shnozz, hair and beret), Joey Abs is Mankind (complete with plenty of padding, hair, taped fist, scars and book), and Rodney is the Rock (complete with hair, shirt and drawn-in eyebrow). Shane takes THE STICK: "Ladies and gentlemen, standing before you In This Very Ring is some of the greatest talent ever assembled here in the World Wrestling Federation - and all will be competing in the special Fatal Four-way elimination matchup at WrestleMania to determine who will be the World Wrestling Federation champion. They will be competing in the Fatal Four-way elimination matchup. First, to my left: from Greenwich, Connecticut. Weiging in at over 262 pounds, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for The Game, the current World Wrestling Federation champion, give it up for Triple H!" Pete spits up some water and raises his arms. "And to my right - from Long Island, New York - he is known as the King of Hardcore - ladies and gentlemen, best selling author - give a warm Milwaukee welcome to Mick Foley!" Abs, who had been looking confused, wondering who Shane was talking about, raises his right arm and lurches around, showing off his Rikishi-sized padding. "And last but not least, we are in the presence of greatness, and I can smell what he's cooking. Ladies and gentlemen, from Miami, Florida, give it up for the Great One himself - give it up for The Rock!" Rodney climbs the rope and does a quite passable imitation of the Rock. "Now there's just one thing missing - the fourth participant in the Fatal Four-way elimination matchup at WrestleMania - ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to...the *future* World Wrestling Federation champion - give it up for THE BIG SHOW!" Cole: "Who's he gonna get to play the Big Show?" Duh. Show strides out - he'll be on Conan later tonight - oh yeah, Rock will be on Leno tomorrow, got it? I forgot to mention that earlier. Posse applauds, obviously not quite yet figuring out that they're simply fodder for this dude. "Now since we have all four participants here in the Fatal Four-way matchup at WrestleMania, why don't we have a special PREVIEW to that matchup - right about - now." Shane takes off as Show dumps Rodney over the top rope to the floor. Abs and Pete try a double team, but it fails as Show hits a big double clothesline off the send into the ropes. Shane takes third headset and provides his classic brand of commentary. "Oh ho ho - MAN I don't know - check this out - the Big Show - manhandling Mick Foley so far - Mick Foley shot into the ropes - OHHHHH the Show takes down Foley!!!" Show powerslams Rodney. Pete brought back in the ring. Abs pulls out Mr. Socko - Show catches him in a choke - the presses him - WOW! Big press slam. Show making the sign - Rodney from behind - no effect. Show lies down and commands Rodney to do the elbow. "DO THE ELBOW!!!" Rodney kicks an arm to one side - then looks around - and smiles. Elbowpad is thrown! Off the ropes, off the ropes, Show up and he's got him in the choke. Abs over - got HIM there. ahhhhhhTHEDOUBLECHOKESLAAAAAAM! Pete tries a few shots - nope - ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAAM! Show covers all three men. Referee "Blind" Jack Doan puts on the count - 1, 2, 3. (2:14) "And your winner - and NEW World Wrestling Federation champion at WrestleMania - you are looking at - the Big Show!" Lawler says that Shane is providing Show with something he's always needed - motivation!
JESUS GET THAT ASS OUT OF MY FACE - Rikishi is WALKING! Not fast enough - away from my TV screen...aie. I think Too Cool was with him but DAMN.
One more "WWF SmackDown!" for the PlayStation ad
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SmackDown! is brought to you tonight by "WWF Aggression" (buy it at Musicland), "WWF SmackDown!" for PlayStation, and WWF phonefree.com!
TOO COOL & RIKISHI PHATU v. PERRY SATURN & EDDIE GUERRERO & DEAN MALENKO - Too Cool & Chyna team up to take on these three (ugh) Radicalz at WrestleMania - Rikishi Phatu and Kane team up to take on Road Dogg & X-Pac. Is Guerrero gonna wrestle tonight? Malenko and Sexay start. Gutshot, head to the buckle, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, foot up, running into a powerslam. Sexay busts one, off the ropes, clothesline ducked, but not this one. Tag to Hotty, into the ropes, double gutshot, double takedown, double poser elbow. Crowd pretends the American Males are in the ring as Hotty hits a vertical suplex, then moonwalks, ducks a Saturn clothesline on the apron, but not the second one. Saturn in without a tag as Malenko goes out. Whip, back into the original corner, clothesline. Saturn puts him on his shoulders and ties him to the Tree of Woe. Climbing to the second turnbuckle and Saturn hits a SUPER-SIZED SUPERPLEX. Tag to Guerrero. Kick, kick, stomp, into the ropes, drops down, leg lariat, facelock, wanting to tag but Hotty keeps him from his corner. Now they're trading punches, face rake by Guerrero, Hotty holds onto the whip attempt, gutshot, HOT shot, and Guerrero sells it like hot death. Crowd claps - Phatu tagged in - Guerrero tries to hide behind Malenko, but he's not interested in it either. Saturn tries to run at him and goes down to a right. Another right takes him down - now rights for Malenko and Guerrero, superkick for Malenko, right for Malenko, right for Guerrero, double clothesline. Now everybody's in. Sexay with a superkick that takes Malenko out of the ring. Hotty warms up his rump Rikishi-style and runs at Guerrero with a reverse splash. Sexay ALSO warms up his derriere for the same thing. And now Riksihi just waddles over and gives Guerrero the stinkface. Hotty off the ropes with the bulldog - and now he's making the "Oops I just crapped my pants" face! Must be time for the Wurm. Hoo-hoo-hoo! Sexay manages a dropkick as Malenko tries to get onto the apron, but Saturn manages to get in and dump Hotty with a big forearm. But Phatu is over - looks like the Rikishi Driver! 1, 2, 3! (3:53) Man, I hope these other guys win SOMEtime soon. Of course, it can't be against these guys - because NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! We WOULD DIE if we didn't get this dancin' bit - but whoa! ROAD DOGG & X-PAC are in from behind with weapons! All five men team up on the three and ...well, the lights go out and now KANE & PAUL BEARER appear. Saturn goes down, Guerrero, chokeslam for Malenko, chokeslam for Saturn, meanwhile X-Pac has picked up a chair - Dogg takes his baton to Kane's leg, saving Guerrero from a chokeslam - X-Pac swings the chair to the back - then to the head. Phatu comes back on X-Pac but Dogg chairs HIM. The DX theme plays and DX stand over Too Cool, Phatu AND Kane.
Stephanie McMahon is WALKING! Well, it's more of a saunter, really, but she's not really pulling it off, either....eh.
WrestleMania, sayeth the graphic, is a mere 10 DAYS AWAY!! And that means the Friday BEFORE WrestleMania is only EIGHT days away! (You know, don't you? I know you know. Yeah. You know. Heh.)
STEPHANIE ONO comes out with VISIBLE HEADLIGHTS! WAHOOOOO oh sorry. But at least if I focus on her NIPPLES, I don't have to be annoyed by her FACE - which just DOESN'T really do "smug" in a good way. Is this the main event? Does that mean that last six-man was the main event? Hey, how about that? I'll bet none of you (or me) had ANY of those guys pegged to main event a WWF television show a year ago - hell, six months ago! Oh, the crowd's almost done chanting "slut" - let's listen to the slut: "I have an announcement to make. And I'd like to invite my mother to come down to the ring so she can feel firsthand the impact of what I'm about to say." "WrestleMania" plays one more time - ahh, nostalgia - and out comes LINDA McMAHON. When Cole refers to it as a "sly grin," I'm thinking "no, more like a STUPID grin." Stephanie parts the ropes for her mother. "Well, Steph, here I am. What did you want to say to me?" "I wish I could say I was surprised to see ya, Mom. I wish I could say I was surprised to see you on Monday night. But then again, I knew it was just a matter of time before you meddled in my business." "What do you mean?" "Well it's certainly not unheard of for a mother to feel jealous or threatened by her daughter. After I was born, I took away the very little bit of affection that Daddy DID show you. And as a result, instead of showing me love and affection - you tried to control me. When I was a little girl, you made me make my own bed! Instead of letting the maid do it! When I was in junior high school, you restricted my funds to a hundred dollars a week! And when I turned 16, you wouldn't buy me the turbo model sports car, I had to drive the regular brand." "All for your own good, Stephanie." "And when I went to college, you would only give me enough money for a one bedroom apartment. So I had to *convince* our CFO to-ahhh, SLIP me a little extra cash. Even at 19, I knew how ta - use my ASSets to get what I wanted." Lawler: (only dogs and I can hear him say) "Use her assets?" Cole: "I'm not even believin' this." Me: "Over here with me, Cole." "That's a trick YOU taught me, Mom...the power of persuasion. Especially as it pertains to the opposite sex - that's what this game is all about, isn't it Mom?" [chant is muted out here - what is this, Thunder?] "Game?" "Control equals power? There's only room for ONE dominant female in the McMahon family and that's ME! But I have to give you credit - I certainly didn't think you had the GUTS to change the main event at WrestleMania - to stack the decks against Triple H - or to reinstate Mick Foley (if only for one night)." "It was the right thing to do." "I bet you think it's the right thing to do - I bet you think you're pretty smart too - but you're not. Triple H was right - you're simply...a conniving (beep)." Linda's eyes widen...then Stephanie SLAPS her one! Linda falls like a ton of bricks - Stephanie makes another annoying face - Triple H's theme starts up and she walks off. Here's a replay! "You're simply a conniving...(beep)." SLAP! Hey, didn't I read somewhere that that was supposed to be *Vince's* line? As TREBLE H meets his wife at the top of the Time Tunnel, Linda's working on tears in the ring - oops, too late. We're out.