"...there's no doubt in my mind we're going to win Friday night's game. I don't think we lost three games straight [this season]. Well, then, what's the problem?" - Ron Harper

For an encore, Harper asked Laker "fans" to leave their cel phones at home on Friday.

I hear that Phil Jackson has compared Kings fans to "rednecks" - but at least they're more civilised than Puerto Rico fans. Damn, who knew he was such a racist?

It's Thursday UPN! You know what that means - CONSTANT REMINDERS

One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

LAST MONDAY: A clip here, a clip there - Rock and Shane in a cage, fifteen different screwy situations, and so forth - three minutes or so - I think there was a TV-PG-DLV ratings box in here, too

Opening (close captioned logo) Credits

Hit the pyro and start the show - it's 4.5.2K (taped 2.5) - it's en espanol donde sea disponible - it's the Richmond Colesium - it's Richmond, VA - it's WWF SmackDown! Only on...I forget

"Richmond's own" EARL HEBNER gets his own introduction

CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO v. CHRIS BENOIT for the intercontinental championship - and the rights to the first name "Chris" - We start with a match, as recent history seems to demand. Challenger enters first but gets no mic time. Let Us Take You Back to Sunday, where we had this same match, but with a screwy ending...and presumably, a lot longer than it could be tonight. We are told that Benoit broke his nose Sunday landing on the title. Staredown in the middle of the ring - nose to nose - many words exchanged here. Jericho shoves, Benoit slaps, Jericho slaps, Benoit with a double leg takedown and a pummelin'. Now they're rolling a bit - and to the outside before you can say "catfight!" Both men quick back INTO the ring and Benoit takes down Jericho with a clothesline. Right, kick, into the ropes, flying forearm by Jericho, mounting him and punching away. Benoit ducks a clothesline, and now they're trading chops - like gunshots. Jericho to the face, whip into the ropes, reversed, pounding on the back, Jericho with a powerbomb! Running for the Lionsault, but Benoit is quickly over before he can get off the ropes - waistlock - into a German suplex! And now holding on for a second...the third is coming up - got it! Bridging - 1, 2, NO! Benoit picks up Jericho in a fireman's carry - over the head and dropped into a gutbuster. Kick to the head by Benoit, in the corner, kick, chop, repeated kicks - Hebner pulling him off and now they're having words. Another chop. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but Benoit puts up a boot. Benoit charges but runs into a spinning heel kick! 1, 2, no! Chop from Benoit takes Jericho to the mat. Benoit's nose is bleeding again. Benoit stomping on Jericho. Head to the buckle. Chop. Chop. "Y2J" chant. Chop. Into the opposite corner, but Jericho puts up an elbow - second rope missile dropkick! Both men slow to get up - now they are trading punches - now Jericho is taking command - repeated knees. Off the ropes with the bulldog - cover - 2. Right hand, against the ropes, Jericho chops - three times. Benoit reverses - fireman's carry - another gutbuster attempt but Jericho rolls through into a small package - for 2! Benoit the first man to strike when they get back to their feet - after the elbow, there's a backdrop suplex. Benoit's going up top...but Jericho is up and against the ropes, crotching him. Jericho climbing up the corner and punching and chopping away. On the second rope...Benoit headbutts him several times and Jericho falls back into the ring - Benoit flies off the top into a Sunset flip (!), but Jericho rolls through and grabs the legs! But before he can turn it into the Walls of Jericho, Benoit punches, then kicks him in the face. Benoit trying to lock in the Crippler crossface - Jericho fighting it...both men to their feet - Benoit has him in the backdrop position - and dropping him over the top rope to the floor! Hebner putting on the count - Benoit ready to go outside but Hebner stops him. Some words are exchanged, escalating into shoving - Benoit shoves Hebner outside! Jericho comes in and waffles him with the title belt, then Lionsaults onto Benoit - Hebner staggers in and counts...1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Intercontinental champion. (6:31) Replay of Jericho cheating - and Hebner's count.

Outside, two limos arrive - DX in one, and the McMahons and Stooges in the other. Now they're all WALKING! Vince tells no one in particular that tonight's gonna be a fun night...

Triple H lifts some weights and shills Metacuts by Metaform. "Metacuts makes YOU ... the Game!" Is this like ICOPRO (you gotta want it)?

You're watching UPN, yup

Tomorrow, "Bad Boys" airs on Blockbuster Shockwave Cinema - Tea Leoni's a real stick, ain't she? Hey, is Martin Lawrence still in that coma or what?

If it's Segment Two, it must be time for a few words from the McMAHON-HELMSLEY REGIME, more specifically, Vince. "How nice it is to be here in Richmond, Virginia! Richmond Virginia is a town of great historical significance. Indeed, Richmond historically is known as the capital of the Confederacy. Richmond is the home of Jefferson Davis! Here in Richmond, this is the location in which Patrick Henry gave his impassioned speech: 'Give me Liberty or give me death!' Richmond is the capital of the great state of Virginia. ["Rock-E!"] I don't think Patrick Henry had these problems - you're interrupting my speech. However, more recently, Richmond has been known more for it's corrupt city council. And, as of late, Richmond is known as 'the home of referee Earl Hebner?' Now this would be - this would be the same Earl Hebner who was reinstated as a referee by my wife (Linda) - the same Earl Hebner who counted Triple H's shoulders down for 1, 2, 3 - the same Earl Hebner who raised the hand of the Rock as the new WWF Champion!" Sign in crowd: "Earl Hepner Fan Club" Yeah, you're a REAL fan if you spell his NAME wrong, right? "Then, it's only right, then, that Earl Hebner returns back to that ring tonight...here in his home town. Only this time, Earl Hebner will not be returning as a referee - no, tonight In That Very Ring Earl Hebner will have his very first wrestling match." Aww, geez, didn't I go to a lot of trouble to NOT type out that I thought this would happen on Monday? Now look what they go and do! "And Earl Hebner, if you disobey my orders, that means you've breached your contract, and that means, not only will you be fired again, but by God, you'll stay fired! However, it would be right for Earl Hebner to have to face singles competition in his first wrestling match in his hometown - that wouldn't be fair. So therefore tonight, Earl... ["ass hole"] - naww, don't refer to Earl Hebner like that! Tonight, Earl will have a tag team partner, that's right, tag team action, and Earl will be happy with this and so will you. Because tonight, Earl's tag team partner will be...the Rock!" Crowd: "He said the Rock's name! Rock E! Rock E! Rock E!" "So therefore, we've got Earl Hebner teaming with the Rock to face the opposition of...X-Pac - X-Pac's tag team partner, the Road Doggy Doggy Doggy - oh, and THEIR tag team partner - the next World Wrestling Federation champion, Triple H! You see, it's two versus three - you might call this a Handicap match. However, oh I almost forgot. This match will be for the World Wrestling Federation championship! Now then, if the Rock's shoulders are pinned to the mat, the Rock loses the WWF Championship. And, if the Rock's tag team partner, in his very first match in his hometown, Earl Hebner - if Earl Hebner's shoulders are pinned to the match, 1, 2, 3...the Rock loses the WWF Championship! So tonight, here in Richmond, we will crown a NEW World Wrestling Federation champion and once again, HISTORY will be made in Richmond, Virginia!"

Judgment Day is coming - and its promo is...eerie

WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on ... UPN!

Earlier Today, Christian and Edge get some deep pore cleansing from Janet, the makeup lady. Edge reminds Janet that he needs "every inch of ass off of my face!" Christian tells Edge (and us) that Rikishi is gonna "SO pay for inventing that stinky, disgusting, vile move!" Edge: "I can't believe we lost the cover of Tiger Beat because of this!"

EDDIE GUERRERO & THAT SLUT CHYNA v. ESSA RIOS & LITA - Let Us Take You Back to Backlash where Lita relieved Chyna of her prom dress, and Lawler said "bra and panties" but failed to have his head explode. Lita seems unwilling to get into this match, but Rios kinda drags her down the ramp. Let Us Take You back to Monday, where Chyna took a measure of revenge by relieving *Lita* of the stolen prom dress. Chyna looks like she's licking her chops at a chance for Lita. Rios steals the roses from Chyna and presents them to Lita. She rolls under the bottom rope while Chyna advances - but it's Eddie taking control of things as we start the match. There's his version of the backdrop suplex. Chyna tagged in - double brainbuster - into the ropes, drop toehold by Chyna, dropkick to the face by Guerreo. Chyna kicking away on Rios - scoop slam, tag, Eddie into the ring with his rolling senton over the top rope. Kick, Rios comes back with a couple punches, Guerrero catches the leg, ducks the enzuigiri, Rios backflips, slips, but covers by elbowing Guerrero on his way down. Dropkick for Chyna, who wasn't paying attention, and she falls to the floor. Lita over with a few tentative stomps as we take a break from watching the ring - when we turn back, Rios hits a powerslam for 2. Lita deciding to take a stroll away from the advancing Chyna - referee "Blind" Tim White leaves the ring to prevent her from continuing towards that corner. In the ring, Guerrero whipped, reverse, Rios lands on his feet out of the backdrop, armdrag by Rios, Guerrero in the wrong neighborhood - Lita chokes him on the second rope and slaps him one. Rios to the back, again, into the ropes, reverse, drops down, big back elbow by Guerrero. Tag to Chyna. Guerrero has him in a backbreaker, Chyna off the ropes with an elbow to the heart. Stomp, picking him up, into the ropes, back elbow, off the ropes, duck, double clothesline and they're both down. Rios telling him to cover - no, she wants the tag? And she's got it. Lita climbs to the top - but Chyna hits the ropes and she ends up sitting on the top turnbuckle. Chyna's got her on her shoulders - BIG powerbomb! Guerrero goes outside and takes Rios to the barricade. Chyna puts LIta in the ropes - press - and drop. Chyna puts a foot on Lita - 1, 2, 3. (4:01) Replay of the powerbomb and press slam.

"Gladiator" ad

Last Monday, KURT ANGLE, along with contest winners JOSH OLSON & PETE LICATA spent the night at the big premiere in Hollywood. Angle's excited to be a part of it!

LILIAN GARCIA stands backstage with Kurt Angle - he thought "Gladiator" was an incredible movie. "You have movies in Madrid, right? Anyway, it was the best movie I have ever seen." "So, Kurt, what are you saying - do you like gladiator movies?" "Like 'em? I LOVE gladiator movies! I could watch 'em all night long, I can't get enough of 'em! As a matter of fact, my friends and I are thinking about having a gladiator movie party, and you're invited! Bring a friend! See ya later!" As he walks off, Garcia give us an "I wonder if he knows what he just said" face.

Trash Talkin' Stage ad

WWF Smackdown returns in a moment - but first, more ads!

KURT ANGLE v. HARDCORE HOLLY - "You know...you know I have a little problem with my opponent tonight, Hardcore Holly. You see, when I think of the word hardcore I think of hardcore pornography. What is wrong with you people? There are CHILDREN here tonight! But then again, we're in a state where the motto is 'Virginia is for lovers.' Not to be a critic, but as I look around the crowd tonight, I realise that motto should be extended a little bit further. Maybe something like this... 'Virginia is for lovers - provided those lovers are not from the same family.' And that, my friends, is true." Not to be outdone, Holly also brings a mic in hand. "Kurt...just two things. One: I don't give a rat's ass about your philosophy, and neither do these people. And two: Virginia might be for lovers, but it sure as hell isn't a place for a thirty-year-old virgin who's about to get his ass kicked!" Holly rushes the ring, ducks a lariat, and takes command. Kick, pound, pound, whip, reverse, knockdown, back and forth, leapfrog, gutshot, powerbomb for 2. Head to the buckle, into the opposite corner, clothesline, into the ropes, head down, Angle tosses him and follows him outside. Elbow to the back, head to the barricade, head to the apron, whip into the STEEL steps is reversed and Angle goes down hard. Holly ready to whip him again but Angle reverses THAT, and Holly hits the post. Back into the ring we go. Belly-to-belly gets Angle 2. Right, whip into the ropes, head down, Holly pounds on him and there's a suplex. Into the ropes we go, Angle with a leapfrog, but he lands wrong and clutches his knee. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton tries to keep Holly off of him, but Holly decides to continue on him. Working the injured knee with kicks, until Patton moves him away. Now Holly and THIS ref are shoving - Holly falling into a German suplex and bridge - 1, 2, 3! (2:51) Angle WAS just faking it - I think Patton owes him an apology! Holly hits the Best Dropkick in the Business post-match, then goes outside for a chair. Hollycaust on the chair! Play his music!

There's a shot of Rikishi's ass that I JUST didn't need

"The Rock: The People's Champ" video/DVD ad

The UPN Fan Cam LOVES that one guy who does the Wurm

Here's a look at a statue outside the Richmond Colesium

EDGE (you stinkface no him) & CHRISTIAN v. RIKISHI PHATU (with TV-PG-DLV ratings box and Judgment Day is brought to you by Army Men: World War) in a Handicap match - Christian lets all the fans know that their faces are now 100% ass-free. Edge tells Riksihi he'll rue the day he ever decided to wear a thong to the ring and deface the faces that the people love - namely, theirs. Phatu tells them to kiss it - champs rush the ring and fall to a double clothesline. And there's anotherone. Right for Edge, right for Christian, Edge whipped into the corner, Christian whipped into Edge, fat ass splash on the pile. Edge slumps in the corner - and he gets another stinkface. Christian runs at him, but gets caught - setting up for the Rikishi Driver, but Christian slips free - Phatu turns around and gets speared by Edge. Punches and kicks are the order for the day, Christian showing Phatu his own ass by way of mocking him. Double headbutt - Christian's cover only gets 2 before he's powered out. Double dropkick and Phatu goes outside. Baseball slide by Edge. Holding him for Christian's springboard into a clothesline. Christian on all fours - but when Edge goes for the assisted splash, he ends up splashing the ringpost. Phatu knocks down Christian and gets back in the ring - JUST as referee "Blind" Jim Korderas gets to 10. Phatu steals one from the champions. (COR 2:04) Post-match, Christian attacks from behind, ANOTHER spear from Edge - and now they're bringing in the bell once again. Christian has Phatu in a full nelson and Edge is ready to waffle him - but TOO COOL come out to save the day! Sexay superkicks the bell into Edge (complete with "ding") and Christian is sent into the corner, bulldogged by Hotty, and I have a feeling he just MIGHT do the Wurm here. Go figure! Play their music! As the champs walk off, disgusted, Rikishi is ready to go out after them...but Hotty's got a pair of sunglasses and the crowd must not be denied. NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! This dancing is SO special that they set off pyro on the four turnbuckles.

Backstage, Stephanie and Tori play "hide the money in Tori's cleavage" - the Dudleys appear just to say "excuse us" - this launches Stephanie into a diatribe against the way they treat women. "These are two girls that you don't mess with." It's pathetic the way they have to beat up on women to feel like real me. Buh Buh Ray is ready to take a swipe at them as they walk off, but D-Von holds him back. "Do you know what the repercussion is puttin' that girl through a table?" Buh Buh Ray twists his face into a sick grin...

Hey, what network is this? I forgot

And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! Where they at? From Backlash, Trish Stratus gave the ol' Greco-Roman liplock to Buh-Buh Ray Dudley - but still ended up going through a table

HARDY BOYZ (with SmackDown! is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT, Metaform Weider products, and "The Rock: The People's Champ") v. T&A (by their damn selves) - Matt and Albert start. Lockup, Albert powers him to the corner, but Matt ducks a right, drop toehold, side headlock, Albert tries to pick him up, but he holds on - powered into the rope, and knocked down. Right by Hardy, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, duck, Matt slides under, Albert follows and the chase is on - back in, tag to Jeff, Albert isn't looking that way and Jeff get a surprise attack. Into the opposite corner, Matt on all fours, Jeff leaping off with the leg - 1, 2, kickout with authority. Jeff off the ropes, Albert with the press, but when he goes for the powerbomb, Jeff rolls it onto his feet and dropkicks Albert in the face. Army Men: World War provides the Double Feature of the flying leg as, in real time, Albert tries to turn it around - right, into the corner, but Hardy hits a flying fist to Test in THAT corner. Ten Punch Count Along is halted at three - Albert's going to try to powerbomb him again, I think...well, instead of dropping him, he pulls him back up - ahh, countering a 'rana attempt, got it - Hardy still punching away - put Albert pushes him away from his body and THERE'S a powerbomb. Give that a Double Feature as Matt breaks the pinfall count. Test in behind the back of referee "Blind" Teddy Long as he tries to put Matt out - into the ropes - tilt-a-whirl flapjack (I guess) - Test with the Uncle Slam - for 2. Somehow Earl Hebner's name has been worked into the commentary of EVERY match. Head to the buckle, tag to Albert. Five kicks, five uppercuts, Long asserts HIS authority - into the opposite corner, back to the FIRST corner, but Jeff leaps onto the turnbuckle, climbs up top, and flies off with a kick! Both men are down as we check the Double Feature - tag to Test, hot tag to Matt! Duck, head to the mat, another hairpull, gutshot, neckbreaker, Albert back in, and HE goes down to a standing tornado DDT. Twist of Fate for Test - 1, 2, Albert saves. All four men brawling now - Jeff thrown outside - Test puts Matt in the corner, Matt ducks the clothesline but not the uppercut from Albert. Pumphandle by Test - Jeff pulls on Matt's leg, but can't free him - Albert is over with a shot for Jeff, slam by Test. But as he covers, Long is busy with Albert and doesn't see Jeff come in from the top - with the Swanton bomb! Jeff over with a shot for Albert - as he punches away, Long turns around and sees the cover - 1, 2, 3. (5:11) Lawler proclaims Long "Hebnerized," and Albert wants some revenge. Jeff is tossed outside, and Matt is stomped. Holding him up for an open shot from Test - several of them, in fact. Now Test holding him for Albert to punch away. Albert hits his Argentinian neckbreaker, then Test flies off the top with a Savage elbow. One more kick for Jeff as he tries to get back in. Play T&A's music!

Backstage, JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Earl Hebner. "Imagine how I'm feeling - how in the hell would YOU be feeling if you had to go out there and do something that you don't do? I'm a referee, I'm not a rassler - and they are forcing me - do you hear me - FORCING me to go out there and get my ass kicked...or lose my job!" The Coach asks him how he'll feel if he costs the Rock his title. "I'm gonna feel awful, but what kind of condition am I gonna be in to make a living for my family - tell me! Tell me!" Coach wishes him luck - he storms off. What, didn't Hebner EVER put any money away?

WWF Smackdown can't come back until you watch some more ads

The Fastest Slam of the Week is brought to you by Western Union Money Transfer - from RAW last Monday, lotsa neat cage stuff happened, but the Rock held onto his title

SHONAN THE BARBARIAN v. BULL BUCHANAN - "Making his World Wrestling Federation debut, from Parts Unknown, weight unknown (bet ya haven't heard that in a long time) - Shonan the Barbarian!" It's the Big Show (of course) in Berzerker/Perro Aguayo fuzzy boots, carrying a sword and wearing Hagar the Horrible horns - and coming out to Papa Shango's old music. How about a few words? "I will crush my enemies beneath my feet - I will show now mercy - for I am Shonan the Barbarian." Buchanan produces a telescopin' baton and takes it to him before the bell - referee "Blind" Mike Sparks just kinda watches all this. Buchanan spits in his face - that might have been a mistake. Show removes the wig, rushes him, into the corner, kick, kick, over the top rope to the floor, following...dropped on the barricade. Back into the ring we go - signalling for it - ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - hey, how 'bout another one? Picking him up by the choke - ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - Big Show's "Aggression" track plays - hey, was there even a match here? (No contest)

In the back, Vince meets with Hebner - Vince says he hopes there aren't any hard feelings - he's just gotta do what he's gotta do. Vince REALLY hopes he doesn't get hurt, and loses the Rock's championship, but even if he does, everyone will know he tried his best. Vince wishes him luck - hey, I'm getting the feeling that he just MIGHT not be sincere!!

Big Show eats Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and "jumbo" meatballs

So like, that's the Jack in the Box boy band with Urkel there, right? That's kinda weird...

It's STILL UPN!!

"Nash Bridges" will once again see Stone Cold Steve Austin in a starring role - tomorrow, on "some other network"

Backstage, Crash Holly is ready to go home as he has no official defense tonight...but he walks by some inflatable fun stuff and can't resist....what's that stuff doing back there, anyway? Maybe it's all a terribly involved plan to trap him...and as Dean Malenko appears with referee "Blind" Jack Doan in tow, you can't help but wonder. 1, 2, no! They're on the big air bag! Drop toehold by Malenko, dropkick by Holly, splash misses, they're bouncing all over the place. Elbow misses, Holly manages a jawbreaker - Cole invents "chinbuster" on the spot to commemorate the occasion - and Holly exits the big house of air and walks off - Malenko following.

CRASH HOLLY v. DEAN MALENKO for the Hardcore championship - they're out into the crowd - kickout at 2. Schoolboy by Holly for 2. Now they're over the barricade - whip into the STEEL steps. Malenko searches for plunder as the Hardcore championship graphic makes an appearance. He's got a garbage can in the corner - Holly whipped, reversal, Malenko stops himself, dumps a charging Crash over the top rope, block, right by Crash, right by Malenko, Malenko has the garbage can but Holly punches him again - Holly climbing the corner and sticking a foot out to halt the advances of the garbage can. Malenko with a right, and HE'S climbing up int the corner - superplex! PERRY SATURN appears and pulls off Malenko at 2. Brainbuster by Saturn - 1, 2, Malenko pulls HIM off - words are exchanged - what, are these guys the Mean Street Posse or something? Holly from behind with the trashcan - Malenko collides with Saturn, who goes outside as Holly covers - 1, 2, 3. (2:40?) Holly makes a run for it, leaving Saturn and Malenko to exchange punches. "Earl Hebner's cult" comes out to separate them. With Tazz injured, looks like we needed a quick issue for Saturn - this'll do.

Backstage, Show asks Shane what he thinks of his latest escapades - Showkishi, Shonan the Barbarian - Shane makes a face.

Weider Metacuts ad #2

U! P! N!

"During the Break," Shane turned back. "You know, Show, I'll tell you what I think. I think you let me down at WrestleMania. See, I wanted - I wanted to make you somebody - I gave you the opportunity to become someone, to become the World Wrestling Federation champion, and what happened?" Well, what happened was he was the first man eliminated - that really embarrassed Shane. Then he told him he wanted to go out on his own and entertain the public - but instead, he's just acting like a fool. "I think that you are...pathetic, pea-brained, waste of perfectly good oxygen, an unmotivated SLOB. And no one - none of those people will ever care about anything that you do out there, Show - your performance, nothing. Andy why? Because you don't deserve it." Show is fighting back tears - man, NEITHER of these guys can hold a CANDLE to Vince in the acting department...

Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. They discuss what we've just seen.

KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands with Earl Hebner and the Rock. Rock pauses so they can chant his name. "Once again the deck is stacked against the Rock - once again all odds against the Rock! If the Rock gets beat tonight, he loses the WWF title. If Earl Hebner gets beat tonight, the Rock loses the WWF title. Well the Rock says this, Vince McMahon, what you're failing to realise is the Rock isn't gonna lose the WWF title. And you come out on the Rock's show, you come out on SmackDown! and you run your mouth - you run your mouth about Patrick Henry. Yes he did, Vince, say 'give me liberty or give me death.' Well the Rock has a little saying of his own and it goes like this: give the Rock X-Pac, give him Road Dogg, give him Triple H - roll 'em all up in a ball and shove 'em straight up your candyass! ... (do you hear something? Let's pause) ... If ya smell...what the Rock...is cookin'."

Lookit all them people WALKING!

Judgment day promo #2

Oh boy! Monsters of Rap ad! Let's see...already got that, got that, don't have that one, got that one, got that one, got that, nope, yeah, no, yeah, HELL no, yeah, yeah, nope, got that one, nope, nope, yeah, yeah, plus many more! Got that one, got that one - but the Chill Rob D version, not the crappy Snap! one...and I don't think I have that one. Well, I guess I can save my $26.99 and make my own tape....well, maybe tomorrow

Hey, I can't get enough of that bumper! More ads to come!

Time now for the Smack of the Night, presented by milk! Got milk? Gulp it down! The Smack of the Night is....highlights of Vince's interview? WEAK!

D-GENERATION X (with Stephanie Ono, Tori, Skippy, and the Three Musketeers - whew!) v. LA ROCA y EARL HEBNER in a Handicap match with the WWF Championship on the line - geez, there's now enough folks in the McMahon-Helmsley Regime to fill up Hollywood Squares. These entrances better take a while - we got like twenty minutes left in this show! Hebner wears his ref pants (with belt) and a Rock T-shirt and puts on his "deer in the headlights" look. They're ACTUALLY making the ref wrestle. So how can they stop X-Pac or Road Dogg from making off with the belt, anyway? I hope they worked that out beforehand! Road Dogg and Hebner start - just kidding, the Rock starts. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, Dogg puts up an elbow, but Rock clotheslines Dogg as he charges him. Elbow to the back of the head, elbow, kick, elbow, Dogg to the eyes, pounding on him, tag to X-pac, doubleteam kicks, right, right, right, kick, kick, I think Hebner's actually asking referee Mike Chioda if he's blind. Dogg over to taunt Hebner but he doesn't go in the ring. X-Pac with a chop, chop, hey today's Rock's birthday! Rock comes back with a right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, duck, tilt-a-whirl slam - 1, 2, Dogg in, but Rock moves away and Dogg drops the elbow on his own partner! H in with a clothesline (with the arm not in a sling) and that's the end of THAT flurry. Dogg tags in Triple H, then holds Rock for an open shot. Head to the buckle, kick to the gut, kick, kick, right, right, right, Rock calmly switches places with him, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Rock holding his arms back - for an open shot from Hebner! Right by Rock. He's removing the slin! And stomping all over the left elbow. Arm wringer on the bad arm - what's this psychology? Rock elbows the left elbow, again, again, into the ropes is reversed, and X-Pac kicks him in the head from behind. Rock calmly turns around and punches X-Pac, who falls to the floor - a right for Dogg as well, but H ducks the clothesline and hits a neckbreaker. X-Pac tagged in. Stomp, kick, kick, elbow, kick, elbow, kick, elbow, elboc, elbow, Earl Hebner actually comes in at this point, Chioda promptly walks over to put him back in his corner - while Triple H and X-Pac work a doubleteam choke on the rope, right hand by Triple H. X-Pac with a choke - Chioda finally over to count and stop it. Again Hebner walks into the ring - you think after all those years of officiating he'd have learned a thing or two about snookering the ref, but again Chioda spies this and puts him back in his corner. While THEY argue, Vince is over to choke Rock on the bottom rope while X-Pac lays in with kicks and elbows. Tag to Triple H - open kick. Right hand and the Rock is down. Another right. Crowd chants - Dogg tagged in - open kick, right, scoop - and a slam - wiggly wobbly woogly kneedrop - cover - 2. Tag to X-Pac - block, right by the Rock, block, right, right, off the ropes...but into a spinning heel kick - clotheslined out of the ring. Triple H is over and cutting loose with rights while holding his head in his left arm - which seems to have miraculously healed? Rock put into the post. This is like the second time this match Cole has told Lawler to shut up - what insolence! H sends Dogg into the ring, and he and X-Pac dare Hebner to get into the ring - Hebner sees two men, counts himself once, and decides this isn't a good idea. He drops off the apron and backs up - but Triple H has moved into place behind him. Hebner does one of those slow, dramatic turnarounds to spy H, double take, H puts him in the ring. Hebner begging off - Rock, meanwhile, has had JUST enough seconds to completely shake off all the previous attacks, and pulls H off the apron - clothesline. Back in the ring, right for Dogg, right for X-Pac, right for Dogg, KISS the right for X-Pac, gutshot for Dogg, DDT - Shane in, spinebuster for HIM - Patterson on the apron, have a right - Brisco, have a right. Just as Triple H is ready to reenter the ring, CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO appears and starts punching away on HIM. Rock standing on Dodg's neck in the corner, Vince over to deck Jericho (!), X-Pac in the ring with a chair - but Hebner from behind with a Golota! Rock Bottom on X-Pac! 1, 2, 3! (7:30) But - we've still got eight minutes of show left! The celebration is cut short as Triple H takes down the Rock from behind. Hebner decides he better try to take off - but Vince and Shane grab HIM. Shane takes out Chioda with one HAND OF STONE! while, in the ring, Dogg & X-Pac hold up Rock for a belt shot. And there's a Pedigree. Vince tells him that's gonna be him. Vince and Shane rolls Hebner in the ring - he tries to crawl very quickly, but H stops him. Crowd chants "Rock E" so Dogg comes over to stomp on him, just to make sure he doesn't come back just yet. KO blow for Hebner by Triple H. X-Pac stomps on Rock, then kicks Jericho back to the floor. Another right hand for Hebner. Hebner's been chomping on some red stuff and drools it out for our benefit. And now they've got the chair - Hebner is proudly displayed for the crowd...and I think Helmsley's gonna Pedigree him on the chair - no, just another right hand. Dogg punches away on the Rock - now we ARE gonna get a Pedigree on the chair...that looks like it hurts H's knees more than his head...ah well. Knee to the groin for the Rock, for good measure. RIKISHI PHATU lumbers out as fast as he can (not very) to get him some - Dogg goes down, X-Pac goes down, Triple H goes down, *Shane* goes down, but now the numbers take over. WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW coming out with headbutts for everybody. Shane tries to get on his back and bring him down with a choke - X-Pac boots him in the head as well. Rock decides he's completely recovered and strats to punch away on X-Pac and Road Dogg - Triple H promptly Golotas him. I think he's found a weakness! Golota for Big Show as well. Triple H DDT's Show. Vince ready to get into the ring and celebrate - but THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ come out with a table, and THEY clean house. Stephanie and Tori take off, so no table for them tonight. The ring is cleared of Corporate - I mean, Regime folks - and six men (and Hebner) stand in the ring. Can a twelve-man tag be far behind? Or at least Monday's slate of matches? Looks like Patterson and Brisco were dawdling about at ringside - they'll make pretty nice sacrifices, thinks Rikishi, who gimps out and puts them in the ring following a double noggin knocker. Show headbutts Patterson, Rock punches Brisco, crowd chants "Tay Bull" and Patterson gets the stinkface (make joke here). The table IS set up...looks like Gerry Brisco is your sacrifice tonight. Cole keeps saying Brisco deserves it - ummm, why? Buh-Buh Ray makes his face - is he bisexual now? The EMT's come out to collect Hebner. Rock helps them roll the stretcher up the ramp. Here's a replay of Hebner's Pedigree. Ahh, a solemn moment - as we slowly walk up the ramp... this is far, far from over!