If you're watching a Rock pastiche, it MUST be UPN Thursday!

One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

Opening Credits - TV-PG-DLV - WHOA they sneak the Undertaker in there quickly, don't they?

BOOM BOOM BOOM LET'S GO BACK TO MY ROOM PYRO En Espanol Donde Sea Disponible - did that sign REALLY say "No Goal?" C'mon, that's like saying that the 49ers fumbled the ball in the NFC Championship game - *I've* gotten over it. Anyway, we're in Buffalo, NY (oh) at the Four Letters I Didn't Hear Correctly Arena 8.6.2K (taped 6.6) and oh it's SmackDown!

KOR QUALIFYING MATCH: CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO v. TEST (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - "Tonight, I face Test in the opening round of the King of the Ring tournament, and even though you may not become the King of the Ring, in Y2J's book, you're already the Jerkle of the Squared Circle!" Hey, that was kinda week, Jerky. Cole says earlier today Jericho called Stratus "Trash" which might have been funny - if we'd heard it. Test rushes the ring and it's on - lockup, Test shoves him down, Test with a big right. Off the ropes, duck, Jericho chop, chop, chop, chop, off the ropes with a spinning heel kick. Test over to the apron, springboard dropkick by Jericho. Test manages a surprise right coming back in - but Jericho is back on him as he gets in the ring. Off the ropes is reversed - Jericho holds on but Test puts a big boot in his face. Head to the buckle, Test with about a hundred rights. Jericho battles back, but Test holds onto the whip attempt and hits Uncle Slam for 2. Into the ropes, back elbow by Test. Test straddles Jericho and chokes him on the second rope. Slugfest erupts, and Test takes control. Hard whip into the opposite corner - Jericho gets a shoulder up. "Y2J" chant starts as Jericho starts punching. To the opposite corner - can you believe Test gets lost on the way and kinda has to slowly back over to the correct spot? Crazy. Kick from Jericho, right, chop, into the ropes, head down so Test puts him in a waistlock and brings him over for a powerbomb - but only gets 2! Right hand by Test, sent into the opposite corner, foot up by Jericho, missile dropkick. Right, right, Test ducks, right, right, into the ropes, Jericho comes off with the flying jalapeno. I'm starting to think Test should avoid the whip into the ropes. 2 for Jericho. *Jericho* tries a whip into the ropes following a chop - reversed by Test (go figure), Jericho ducks and hits a back elbow. Jericho ready to try the Lionsault, but he makes the mistake of going off the ropes on Stratus' side, and gets a platform boot in the mush. Test covers....only 2! Test right, right, into the ropes, Jericho manages a rollup off the ropes, but referee "Blind" Jim Korderas is suddenly distracted by Stratus on the apron. Must be asking him if he's seen her other shoe. Gutshot by Test, setting him up for the pumphandle, but Jericho manages to follow through and land on his feet - shoving Test to the ropes, and somehow Korderas develops eyes in the back of his head, just moving aside so that Stratus takes the brunt! Jericho off the ropes, Test out of position to take the bulldog, so Jericho does a ninety degree thing and hits it anyway. Lionsault DOES hit this time - 1, 2, 3. (4:15) Kind of a woofer.

Wow! The Rock is WALKING! Mosh tries to greet him, but Rock gives him a "What the hell are you doing on this show?" look and keeps going.

Hey, Stone Cold Steve Austin on Dilbert this Tuesday! I'll probably still watch "Family Guy." Did you know Dilbert often finishes dead last in the ratings? Well, except for all those Pax shows nobody watches. What was my point? This is a long ad break? Show you right.

WWF Entertainment promo - hmm, is it the Super Bowl again?

APPROXIMATELY 89% OF THE MCMAHON-HELMSLEY FACTION hits the ring to fireworks, balloons and confetti - they must have gotten wind of the simultaneous goings on in Knoxville and they too are celebrating Ric Flair's retirement. And how appropriate - Triple H *is* Ric Flair and all. Kane watches this on a monitor in the back - and we watch him. "Does DX know how to celebrate or what? Now this is a party, right Kid? I'll tell you what...when something good happens to Triple H, I just want to share it with all of my famliyh, with all of my friends, with all of my associates, I just want to hold a big party, and tonight I wanna have that party right here in front of all of you! Now, don't worry, it's not what you're thinking - I still despise each and every one of you - I don't want to have to party WITH you so that you can share in the celebration; I want to have it in front of you so I can ram it down your stinkin' throats! You see, this celebration stems from last Monday night. You see, because at the beginning of that night, we had an unprecedented THREE #1 Contenders for MY World Wrestling Federation championship - and by the end of that night...we had NO #1 Contenders for my World Wrestling Federation championship. You see, because as the night went on, we got rid of Kane - we got rid of the Undertaker - and then, in the grand finale, right in the centre of this very ring, I defeated the Rock - 1, 2, 3! Proving once again to the world that I am That Damn Good, that I am The Game, and that I am THE UNdisputed World Wrestling Federation champion! But you know, this party is a celebration, and it's also a way for me to say 'thank you' to my family and to my friends. ["Rock E!"] If you'd shut up, I'm trying to celebrate! Pat, Gerry - champ, I'd like to thank the two of you, because as Stooges go, you two are the best. Let me tell you that - there are none better. 'Pac, Dogg, you guys are the best, man, and I just want to thank you. A guy couldn't ask for two better friends to travel up and down that road with, kickin' butts and takin' names than the two of you - ya always got my back, and for that I'm forever thankful, man. All right? Shane - my brother-in-law - Shane, straight from the heart, man...when it comes to brothers, you are without a doubt, the King of brothers, man. And you always got my back - you are indeed the Giant Killer. Tori...when you got two friends like these, somebody's gotta keep 'em in line, and you do one hell of a job of keepin' these guys straight and makin' them watch my back - thank you. And then...to my beautiful wife ["slut!"] You know they say that behind every great man, there's an even greater woman standing next to him. And as great as I am, you can only imagine what that makes her. You are the best! I tell you what...I just wanna hug all of you. Thank you! Pat, come on, get in here, gimme some lovin' Pat!" This is as good a cue as any for LA ROCA, so out he comes. You know he's serious because he's not wearing shades! I guess. Another respectful pause as the crowd chants his name. "Now the Rock hates to break up your little party, but the Rock figured he'd throw a party of his own, right here in Buffalo. (Crowd: "He said the name of our city!") But this party's gonna be a little different. The Rock isn't gonna serve up balloons and streamers and cake, and give hugs and all that crap. The Rock says he's gonna serve one thing and one thing only - payback. You see, Triple H, you can keep your WWF title tonight, because it's not about the Rock taking the WWF title from you, it's about the Rock giving you the asskicking of a lifetime! ["Rock E!"] And it just doesn't matter what type of match it is - it can be the Rock and Triple H in a no-DQ match - it can be the Rock and DX in a handicap match - it can be the Rock and Stephanie in a stick fifty balloons right up your (beep) match! Because the fact of the matter is this - is that the Rock is gonna get payback, and he's gonna get it...tonight." "Rock E!" "Listen up, Mr. Party Pooper. You wanna talk about payback? You gotta lotta anger inside you - the problem is, it's a little big misguided, because your problem is not with us - if you're lookin' for payback, you're starin' in the wrong direction. Now, you can come down here and you can take a beating...or, you can take a look at this footage I had prepared - yeah, I knew you were gonna come out here, Rock, you can't resist - why don't you take a look at this, and let's see who deserves your anger - who deserves your wrath. Judgment Day...the Undertaker chokeslams. You can see Shawn Michaels telling him not to do it. Blatant disregard, Rock - purposely costing you the World Wrestling Federation championship. Now Rock, lightning strikes twice in the same place, but it's the Undertaker chokeslamming you, Rock, costing you AGAIN the World Wrestling Federation championship. Now, Rock, you have to ask yourself - what are the odds of lightning striking twice in the exact same place?" Before Rock can ponder Undertaker costing him the title AGAIN on Monday, Kid Rock fires up and out drives THE GHOST RIDER on his Beautiful Titan Bike. He drives by Rock, down the ramp, and around the ring, scattering lots of confetti and balloons. Kane is still watching on a monitor. Undertaker stops at the bottom of the ramp and removes his coat, continuing to look at Rock. Now he's walking back up the ramp...no, he turns back and hits the ring! The Faction attacks Black Ninja style, and goes down, one by one. FINALLY Triple H gets in a shot and the numbers take command...Undertaker with another comeback. Rock decides he WILL hit the ring to help, and HE cleans house one at a time until Triple H and X-Pac get the better of him. Undertaker comes to, tossing Shane over the top rope and putting Road Dogg in a choke. Rock coming back with punches to Triple H and X-Pac. X-Pac grabs the chair left in the ring and rushes Undertaker, who puts up a boot and takes him out. Undertaker picks up the chair as X-Pac and Rock end up backing into each other in the centre of the ring - you know what happens next. Undertaker unleashes a mighty swing - and ends up hitting the Rock when X-Pac ducks. Undertaker DOES get a shot to Triple H's back before everybody scatters. Undertaker gets back on his back and chases everybody up the ramp - but Rock is left laying in the middle of the ring. I'd have less of a problem with this if they hadn't already chewed up a half an hour of show time...

Big Show eats some ravioli

SHAFT!

Mid ad-break standard UPN bumper

Just in case you nodded off during the past twenty minutes, here's the Rock hitting the ring, and Undertaker hitting the Rock (by mistake - heh heh heh) from Moments Ago

Rock is back up - and he's WALKING! Happening by the door with an "Undertaker" sign on it, he opens it up - we follow him into the room...but Kane is there. "Where is he?!" Kane puts his hands upon his hips - when he dips, he dips, you dip. "You gonna answer the Rock?" "If you're so anxious to get your brains scrambled again, you don't have to find the Undertaker - I'll do it for ya." Rock puts a hand in his face and now they're trading punches. They fight out towards the hall, where the timely intervention of referees and officials quashes this encounter. Good thing they were standing by - that could have gotten ugly!

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: TOO COOL v. THA GODFATHA & SMILIN' DEAN MALENKO (with fourteen - no....seven ho's) - champs enter first because they're the heels - no, wait, that's not right...anyway, the 21st Century B-Boys find themselves strangely distracted, so the challengers get a sneak attack to take control....until Scotty Too Hotty holds on from a whip, then ducks a followup attempt as Godfather takes himself over the top rope to the floor. Doubleteam on Malenko - dobule flapjack. Malenko goes outside as the champs take turns busting moves. Unfortunately, their backs are to Godfather, who is warming up his train - Hotty takes the Ho Train - but Grand Master Sexay hits a superkick. Doubel clothesline, double pose, double elbows MISS - Godfather with a double clothesline of his own - Sexay rolls out, big back body drop for Hotty. Tag to Malenko, off the ropes, Hotty ducks, hiptoss attempt blocked, gutshot, knee across the neck backflip, Malenko drops him with a clothesline. Oh well. Right, right, suplex, 1, 2, no. Into the ropes, followup knee. Tag to Godfather, into the ropes, double back elbow, shot for Sexay, Godfather drops an elbow, but Sexay is in and we get no count from referee "Blind" Dick Kroll (just kidding - it's Tim White). Godfather stomps on Hotty a bit, instead. Picking him up for a backdrop suplex - 1, 2, no. Tag to Malenko - open kick. Tonight, Guerrero vs. Matt Hardy in a KOR Qualifier, Benoit vs. Jeff Hardy for the title. Into the ropes, Sunset flip by Hotty after the head is put down - Malenko kicks out at 2 and puts him down again. Repeated knees to the face. Big kick. Another kick...in the corner, and whipped out to the opposite corner. Followup clothesline. Up for a suplex, but Hotty lands on his feet, then takes Malenko up and over from a Slop Drop into a gourdbuster (yow!) Will he make the hot tag? I'm thinking he just might. There we go. Sexay decides to dance a bit - clothesline, clothesline, right, off the ropes, big back body drop, out of the corner, but Malenko puts a boot up - then runs into a powerslam. 1, 2, Godfather saves it. All four men in now - Malenko whipped into the corner, Hotty off the ropes with a bulldog, funny face, W O R M, karate chop, Godfather FINALLY breaks up Sexay's choke and knocks Hotty outside the ring and into the women. Hotty seems kinda happy about that, but Godfather ain't standin' for the free sample business - outside, right, thrown back in. Meanwhile, Sexay reverses an Irish whip by Malenko, but Malenko dumps him over the top rope onto the apron off the charge. Hotty ducks a clothesline and suplexes Malenko as Sexay goes to the top and dons the goggles - Hip Hop Drop! 1, 2, 3. (4:58) Godfather asks his women if they've ever read "I, Tina." Wouldn't wanna be in THAT hotel tonight!

Back in the Faction' dressing room, Shane tells his friends (and the camera - and us) how happy he is that Undertaker, Kane and Rock are at each other's throats. H says it'd be a great night to pick those guys apart. Dogg says he and X-Pac could take out all three of them...X-Pac says maybe with Hunter, they could do it. Shane gets all "yeah yeah yeah" and books a six-man tag. Does Triple H seem less than enthralled with the current developement? Seems like it was HIS idear....

SmackDown! continues - after some more ads

WWF.com - it's like pushing a blind guy in the path of a bus

WWF SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, Midas, and Bally Total Fitness!

CHRIS BENOIT v. JEFF HARDY for the Intercontinental championship - Champion enters first because....hell, maybe he likes it. I dunno. Saturday's Phoenix onsale features a live appearance by Shawn Michaels! Get excited! Lockup, to the corner - semi-clean break as referee "Blind" Mike Sparks tries to set the tone, but Benoit is quickly back in and laying in the knife-edge chops. Kick, kick, kick, headbutt, kick, some unkind words and stare for the ref - hey, they're almost the same height! Right hand by Benoit, kick, into the opposite corner, but Hardy scales the corner - look ma, no hands - twisting moonsault! Hardy runs at Benoit, who dumps him over the top - Hardy pulls Benoit down by the hair, then bounces back in with a split-legged moonsault for 2. Axehandle, scoop slam, going to the top...firebird splash (!) misses - Hardy tries to land on his feet - or did he mean to try? Commentators play up Benoit's frequent title defenses and fightingestibility. Off the ropes, Benoit buries a knee into Hardy, who flips. Benoit stomping away. Into the ropes, another flip off the buried knee. Benoit stomps. Into the corner hard - Hardy flips up and falls down, catching himself in the Tree of Woe. Benoit unmerciless with the stomping. 4, 5, 6, Sparks finally steps in and tells him to stop stomping until Hardy can free himself - Hardy slumps down to the mat. Benoit dumps him onto the top rope - big right hand - kick takes him out to the floor. Benoit outside - and putting him back in. Hardy tries a gutshot, Benoit stomps on him in return. Whip int the corner, Hardy lands sternum first and falls back into a near fall. Benoit whips him into the ropes, Hardy surprises him coming out with a flying headscissors. Hardy advances, Benoit puts him in the corner hard, kick to the gut - powerbomb attempt coming up, but Hardy rolls through, over and turns it into an UGLY rollup - 1, 2, kickout. Women's battle royal tonight! Benoit with a chop. Into the ropes, Hardy slides under, then climbs back up on the apron. Benoit decides HE'LL run the ropes, but rolls down as Hardy tries to fly back in over the top. Benoit frees himself from the tangle in the ropes, but not quick enough as Hardy connects with an enzuigiri - now off the ropes and diving onto Benoit on the floor! Hardy is up first, stomp, back in the ring, Subway provides the tope con hilo Double Feature. Benoit in position - Hardy off the top with the swanton bomb! It's all over - 1, 2, foot on the rope!! Hardy argues with Sparks when he should be trying to capitalise on this...stomp for Benoit - whip is reversed as Benoit holds on, Hardy ducks the clothesline, waistlock, Benoit wraps his ankle around Hardy's to block, spinning around, armbar takedown IMMEDIATELY into the Crippler crossface! Hardy has no choice but to tap. (5:32) Wow, this must be like my REWARD for sitting through that twenty minute claptrap earlier in the show. Hey, Benoit offering the Hand of Friendship! Hardy takes it and you gotta enjoy the rare display of sportsmanship--oh, wait, Benoit WAFFLES him with the title belt. HA! Benoit with a sneering grin. Wow, that rules even harder now. I guess he isn't a face anymore....?

This report returns in a moment.

And now, Stacker 2 presents the WWF Burn of the Week! From RAW, the Dudley Boyz give Kurt Angle 3D through a table

KURT ANGLE & EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ in a Handicap match - "What I would like to talk to you tonight about is sportsmanship. When you lose, the right thing to do - the right thing to do is offer a congratulatory handshake to the victor, or vow to do better next time. What you DON'T do is put Olympic Heroes through tables - you don't - you don't. I mean, there are thousands of children distraught and will probably fail their finals this week after watching what the Dudley Boyz did to their Olympic Hero last Monday night on RAW. Not to mention...our former champions, mind you, lost their tag team titles after my good friend Christian was hit in the genitals with a hockey stick by a midget - I mean, enough's enough! What I'm trying to say here is it all boils down to this: this world is FULL of sore losers. It's true, it's true." "Now, speaking of sore losers, how fitting is it that we're in the capital city of sore losers...Buffalo, New York? Now I'm talkin' Super Bowls, Stanley Cup Finals....OJ...it SO doesn't get any more depressing than right here!" "Now, even though you are sore losers, tonight we will unveil a very special new pose. So, for the benefit of those with flash photography, we call this one 'Ifyouhaddahitthatfieldgoalyouwouldn'tbenationaljokesmayhaveactuallywonaSuperBow linsteadoflosingfourinarowbutyoudidn'tsotoobad' for five seconds only!" Angle puts on a blue jersey with "NORWOOD" on the back as Edge and Christian form uprights - Angle lines up and kicks...and everyone's head turns wide right. Angle makes a grief pose for five seconds. We check out some BUFFALO BILLS in the front row just before the opponents appear. You know, speaking of OJ, did you catch that FOX News Channel "surprise?" That dude's NUTS. Angle start in on D-Von with rights - into the ropes, big clothesline, tag to Edge, open shot, right, right, D-Von punches back, into the corner, boot up by Edge, D-Von catches him as he comes off with a clothesline. Both men tag - Buh-Buh Ray all over Christian, back body drop for Angle, Samoan Drop for Edge, got Angle for the "head butt to the graun" spot but Christian crotches D-Von before he can get into position. Edge dumps Buh-Buh Ray and he and Christian go to work on D-Von. Christian with a superplex off Edge's shoulders (!) and covers - but referee "Blind" Mike Chioda is busy trying to deal with Buh-Buh Ray and Angle on the outside. Edge over to try to help - Buh-Buh Ray brings HIM out - bad idea. Edge and Angle take turns pinballing Dudley between them. Dudley sidesteps Edge's spear, however, and Angle goes down. D-Von reverses a whip in the ring, and you can hear EVERYBODY in the building shout of "3D" as Buh-Buh Ray gets into position. 3D (Dudley Death Drop) on Christian - 1, 2, 3. (1:49) Here's a replay.

JONATHAN COACHMAN interviews Stephanie - tonight there's a women's battle royale, and she'll defend her title against the winner later that night. Stephanie takes the Coach into the women's locker room in the hopes that we'll learn who's in this match - just seems like an excuse to chance upon Kat, clad only in a towel - but at least it keeps us from continuing to listen to Stephanie speak...Coach gives us "embarrassment" and takes the camera back outside - what a killjoy.

Commentators shill "7 Days" as we take a look at the outside of the BEAUTIFUL HSBC Arena

Undertaker catches up with his brother. "I hear you've been sittin' back here watchin' TV all night - even while DX is out there stompin' a mudhole in me!" "Yeah - I watched you out there with DX - and I enjoyed it...but don't worry...I'll cover you in the six-man tag."

STEPHANIE ONO (with Tori & the TV-PG-DLV ratings box) are out - Tori wearing a zebra half shirt. Cole wonders aloud about the thirty-day rule for title defenses as Stephanie tells ring announcer TONY CHIMEL that Tori is the Special Guest Referee for the next match...

ERNEST MILLER v. NIPPLES v. IVORY (with her damn scarf) v. JACQUELINE v. LITA - Gotta like how Terri and Jackie still have the same PMS music. Well, I do, anyway. Kat and Terri tussle while Ivory and Jackie form an alliance on Lita. Double hiptoss - Ivory covers, Jackie pulls her off, Jackie covers, Ivory pulls HER off - now they're arguing and it'll come to blows, I'm sure. WOW! Terri with a bodyslam of the Kat! Terri tosses Kat through the ropes for the first elimination (:46) Lita tosses Terri in mid-celebration. (:52) Jackie puts Ivory down and forearms Lita. Into the ropes, duck, Lita takes down Ivory on the followthrough, but Jacqueline knocks Lita down when she turns around. No, Stephanie HASN'T said anything interesting on third headset. Picking up Lita, Jackie unleashes an elbow, another, tries to put her over the top to the floor, but she holds on and slides back in under the bottom rope. Big sledge to Jackie's back, in the corner, knee, knee, into the opposite corner is reversed, Lita comes out with a flying headscissors to counter the bodyslam attempt and Jackie slides out. (1:53) Ivory FINALLY comes to and puts a boot in the gut - pounding on the back - bodyslam - on the second rope - splash misses. Lita pounding on her back - snap suplex - put in position for Lita to try her moonsault - got it! 1, 2, 3! (2:44) Ivory flops out of the ring as Lita points to Stephanie and makes the "I want da belt" hand motion. Tori from behind with a double sledge to surprise her, though. Tori puts her in the powerbomb position, then flips her up and over her head into a gourdbuster! Hey, she stole that from Scotty Too Hotty! Anyway, Stephanie walks up into the ring, calls for the bell, covers Lita - 1, 2, 3. (:11) Well, at least she's smart.

WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on (U! P! N!) UPN

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - Lita's stomach looks kinda funky, don't it? Or is it just her pants bein' too low makes it look that way? Thong thong thong thong thong. Hey, Stephanie even hooked the leg, how 'bout that? Slow count! Slow count!

KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands by with Lita. How's she feel? "How do I feel? Kevin, that's a pretty stupid question. Did you watch out there? I've worked my whole life for this. I defeated everybody there to get my legitimate title shot...to get it taken away from behind? That's ridiculous! This is some big game to her, I know that, this little McMahon-Helmsley Regime, and this is far from over...This is not a game to me."

KOR QUALIFIER: EDDIE GUERRERO (with That Slut Chyna) v. MATT HARDY - Subway (the way a sandwich should be) brings you the King of the Ring two weeks from Sunday! Earlier Tonight, Benoit whacked Jeff with the intercontinental title - and smiled. Here we go. Feeling out process. Guerrero with a hammerlock, into a headlock, Hardy arm wringer, Guerrero flips up over and out, arm wringer takes Hardy to the mat, Hardy gets the boots up to put Guerrero down, legsweep by Guerrero, cover, 1, Hardy goes for a legsweep of his own but Guerrero jumps over it, gutshot, snapmare takeover by Hardy, hammerlock, and I take a breath. Guerrero reaches behind for the neck - jumping up and rolling into a headlock takeover, but Hardy holds onto the wrist! Guerrero manages to turn into it - but Hardy gets right back to the hold with a reversal. Guerrero reaching for anything - back elbow connects, another, off the ropes, knockdown, up and over, Mexican armdrag by Hardy (!), tilt-a-whirl slam. Waiting for him to get up - right, right, into the ropes, and a gutbuster on the way down. Hardy calls to the crowd, who wakes up. Twist of Fate attempt is countered with a lightning-quick backslide for 2. Guerrero puts him in the ropes after a gutshot, European uppercut, into the ropes is reversed, Eddie up on the shoulder, huracanrana! 1, 2, Guerrero gets the legs on the shoulders and turns it - 1, 2, Eddie slips through and sits back on Hardy - 1, Hardy pushes out and turns it again - 1, 2, Eddie rolls it over - 1, 2, Hardy rotates with a body scissors, 1, 2, kickout! Both men up - Eddie slips the clothesline and hits a neckbreaker. Day-yum! Guerrero outside and he's going to the top. Matt over with a right, right, right, HE is climbing up - both men on the top rope - SUPERPLEX by Hardy! Both men down - referee "Blind" Jack Doan puts on the count - up to 4...Hardy puts an arm on him - 1, 2, NO! Just at the last moment. Guerrero pulled up - waistlock, into a Northern Lights suplex. "That's it!" Guerrero climbs to the top - but ends up diving right over him! He tries to tumble through and turn around - but Hardy flips him up and he lands facefirst on the buckle. Hardy chages but meets a back elbow. Guerrero with a huracanrana and a DEEP cover with the leg hooked - 1, 2, 3! Awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome AWESOME match. (4:10) Compare this to, say, Jericho vs. Test, for instance. You really see the difference when you have two guys that can go in there.

Trish Stratus bitches about the stinkface she got on Monday - geez, she didn't seem too annoyed when she was out with Test earlier...anyway, she dumps some water on Val Venis, who stops his pushups and tells her that he'll take care of Rikishi, as long as she takes care of HER end of the bargain - and if you're not paying attention, that end being that she helps Venis get some gold around his waist.

And now, the WWF Rewind! Brought to you by tobacco - it's whacko! From RAW, Trish Stratus slaps Rikishi - then gets all up in there

BALD VENIS (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) v. RIKISHI - Why exactly did Venis need new music? Did anybody notice that Venis' name graphic doesn't come up even though we hear the sound effect? Just me? Yeah, thought so. Anyway, Venis gets the early jump on the big man and even knocks him off his feet with a clothesline - twice! 2 count only, though. Into the opposite corner is reveresed, big Samoan Drop, right hand knocks him down, again, into the corner, running clothesline from Rikishi - into the opposite corner, get that OUT of my line of sight - fat ass splash. Venis drops down - Rikishi AND the entire crowd perk right up at that sound, because it means it muts be time for...well, Stratus is in the ring and ready to try...well, what IS she trying? Ahh, the old *salt in the eyes* - a CLASSIC. Somehow, referee "Blind" Teddy Long catches this and calls for the bell (DQ 1:24) Venis charges and knocks him down AGAIN. Big right hand, right, right, Rikishi falls through the ropes to the floor - Venis follows and continues to lay on the rights - head to the STEEL steps. Venis moving the steps - RAMMING him with the top half! A couple more rights - Rikishi's busted wide open - WOW! Venis dumps *Long* into the front row! Right, back into the ring, right, right, opening up the forehead even more, right, duck, right, right, a few more referees are out but Venis is still on him - now he's outside to grab the ring bell - side of the bell to the head (complete with *ding* sound effect) - ANOTHER one! Venis puts a foot on his chest and raises his arms. I think we can FINALLY seal the deal on the heel turn. You feel? How about a meal? Before Zod you will kneel! I stole this bit from some schlemiel. Following the replay of the stairs shot, we see that Rikishi is still on his feet and asking Val to bring it on - Venis with a weird glaze in his eyes - and they're back at it! Rikishi knocking down VENIS this time - Venis crawling up the ramp as Rikishi slowly staggers after him. Venis knocked down again - now repeatedly bashed into the floor of the stage. Turning to Stratus, Rikishi puts her in a choke - Venis saves her, but Rikishi puts him down again. LEGDROP! Stratus apparently crawled uder the OvalTron to escape. Venis teeters - totters - looks like he needs a superkick - and he falls off the stage! Rikishi checks what he's done...oh no - he's not - yes he is! SUPERFLY SPLASH!!!!!!! Play his music!!

Don't be a bonehead, don't be a clown, don't try this at home. Unless you want to tape it.

Don't forget - Stone Cold Steve Austin on Dilbert - Tuesday at 8:30/7:30!

Trash Talking Stage ad - hmm, I must have missed one earlier, right? They NEVER play these only once...

During the Break, Venis got the stretcher treatment - and if you're wondering why, you didn't see this replay the first time it happened.

Your commentators are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. Did Venis deserve what he got? Discuss. Turning to the KOR qualifying, we take a look at Monday's matches - Chris Benoit took down Road Dogg, while Hardcore Holly advanced over Faarooq. Earlier tonight, Chris Jericho overcame a platform heel to the face to best Test, and Eddie Guerrero got the duke over Matt Hardy. Bet on a Guerrero/Chyna matchup sometime in the brackets. The qualifying continues Sunday on Heat! Perry Saturn meets D-Von Dudley, and Buh-Buh Ray Dudley will take on Big Boss Man!

Kevin Kelly catches up with Chris Benoit as he is WALKING! Benoit offers his hand - but Kelly's a chicken and won't shake it. "Why did I do what I did? Since when do I need to explain myself? I did what I did...because I wanted to."

Meanwhile, Undertaker is WALKING!

Meanwhile, Kane is WALKING!

Meanwhile, Rock is WALKING!

You know, I'm sensing a DEARTH of creativity here.

"The Rock: The People's Champ" video/DVD ad. Hey, does he speak Spanish on the DVD? That'd be funny

One more notice about more ads

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week - brought to you by the New Midas! (Now with ALL NEW ways to rip you off!) From RAW, Triple H takes a chair to the Undertaker - to Kane - and (after he gets the pin on Kane off a Rock Bottom) to Rock

D-GENERATION X (with Tori, Stephanie Ono, Big Skippy, Patterson & Brisco) v. KANE and THE GHOST RIDER (presented by Kid Rock's CD cover) and LA ROCA - As Lawler makes special note of the separate entrances, we start after the first, as DX attacks Kane one at a time so Kane can knock them all down. As a tripleteam begins to develop, Undertaker's entrance starts and he walks out, giving lip the whole way down. I don't know, he doesn't look any MORE fat than he was LAST year...here comes the Rock, who promptly knocks down Triple H, unleashes a series of rights, kisses a right, then goes outside to put H into the STEEL steps. Undertaker is content to watch this from the ring, while the rest of the Faction stays out of the way. Kane puts Dogg in the ring while Undertaker gives a back elbow to X-Pac. Undertaker with a soupbone for Dogg to chew on. Head to the buckle. Back elbow. Undertaker says "shut up!" just as I start to think it - eerie. Into the opposite corner, boot up from Dogg - Undertaker retaliates with a boot of his own. Undertaker puts him in the corner hard, right, left, right, left, right, elbow, rather rough tag to Kane. Uppercut for Dogg. Right hand. I would categorize these blows as "deliberate." Into the ropes, Dogg ducks, but gets in a choke - here comes X-Pac, choke for HIM. H figures "no more hands, I might as well come in" but eats a boot. X-Pac manages to kick the abs and break it up - D & X work a double suplex - nope - KANE with a double suplex to counter! Big press of X-Pac - and big ol' slam. Rock tags himself in and spinebusters Dogg, spinebuster for X-pac, right for H on the apron, gutshot for Dogg, DDT, 1, 2, no. Right, into the ropes is reversed, and Rock goes outside when Triple H lowers the bridge. Triple H and X-Pac doubleteaming on the outside as Road Dogg distracts referee "Blind" Earl Hebner in the ring. Rock meets the STEEL steps. Chop from X-Pac, thrown back in - Dogg covers for BARELY 2. "Rock E!" Dogg goes to the rear chinlock - that doesn't last. Right, right, off the ropes but Triple H puts a bit fist in the back of the head. Tag to Triple H. Right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, threatening move towards Hebner. Back to the Rock, but the right hand is blocked, Rock with a right, H fires back, Rock, H, Rock, H, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, into the ropes, H manages a facebuster - and a clothesline - for 2. Tag to X-Pac. Open kick. Kick, right, right, kick, arm wringer, Rock punches back, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, spinning heel kick by X-Pac - 1, 2, no. Tag to Road Dogg - breakdancin' open kick. Right hand, right, right, into the ropes, Rock ducks, but Dogg is ready to jab - left, left, left, juke, jive, block, Rock right, right, right, into the ropes, Dogg holds on, Rock pulls him back, belly-to-belly suplex! Now both men are down - crowd chants "Rock E!" and both men crawl to their corner - tag to Triple H - tag to Undertaker! Down you go, down you go agin, into the ropes, big boot, D & X both in, and both down. It's all breaking down now. Kane takes Dogg outside and follows. Undertaker with a fifteen storey back body drop for X-Pac. Scoops him up - ready to deliver the tombstone but Triple H is over with a gutshot. Pedigree setup, but Undertaker backdrops out of that.. X-Pac in a choke - chokeslam! Rock taking Triple H out in the meantime - Undertaker covers X-Pac - 1, 2, 3! (8:44) Kane gives Dogg one more shot into the STEEL steps on the outside. Undertaker giving a look to Rock - Rock and Kane on the ramp while, in the ring, Triple H comes to and attacks Undertaker from behind. Rock and Kane come BACK to get them some more - Katie, bar the door, would you? Shane decides it's time to get involved, and brings in a chair - Rock takes Shane out with one punch - naturally, he drops the chair so Rock can pick it up. And, as you might start to expect - Shane ducks Rock's chairshot and it ends up hitting an unintended target - *Kane*. Triple H puts Rock down with a forearm to the back, Undertaker knocks H out of the ring...Rock turns around to see who knocked him down and only sees the Undertaker in the ring - so he waffles HIM with the chair. The Rock's music plays as the Faction scatters up the ramp. Stephanie smiles when she shouldn't. Rock chases after them with the chair - but turns back at the top...to see Kane and Undertaker staring him down.