/27 July 2000
You WILL smell it
TV-PG-DLV - UPN - WWF Smackdown - One World Leader Attitude - WWF - and so on
RAW highlight package highlights "Well it's a Big Swerve" - leading to a new stable - note the judicious editing out of Show slipping on the stage...and dropping Kane
Close captioned - Opening Credits
BOOM BOOM BOOM LET'S GO BACK TO MY ROOM - THIS is San Antonio and the Freeman Colesium where it's ALWAYS en espanol donde sea disponible, 27.7.2K (taped 25.7) is the date and the show is WWF SMACKDOWN!
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: X (with D) v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) - Let Us Take You Back to Monday and a Lethal Van Daminator which enabled the champ to retain against Road Dogg. Dogg takes the third headset and immediately starts complaining about it not working. Dogg says he was totally unaware it was a Hardcore match on Monday - I suppose I should insert a pot joke here, but that's really somebody else's shtick. X-Pac has a strap - and a finger to point. Crowd quickly lets us know that X-Pac is the heel in this matchup. Blackman tries a spin kick - X-Pac hops it. X-Pac tries another kick and Blackman evades - Blackman CHOPS HIM DOWN. Back to his feet - Blackman catches the first blow, but not the kick - and after doubling over, there's a big bullseye for X-Pac's strap.Kick, kick, whip, whip, whip, in the corner, whip on the chest - X-Pac really laying it in - another strap shot. Choking him out with it - referee "Blind" Teddy Long seems content to enjoy the show. Blackman manages to walk up the turnbuckles and flip over X-Pac's back, freeing himself. Clothesline ducked, and X-Pac runs right into a powerslam. Blackman with the strap - whip! Whip! Whip! Whip! Blackman dares him to get up...backhanded whip misses, roundhouse misses, X-Pac hits a spinning roundhouse kick of his own and Blackman goes down. Dogg threatens to smack the bleach out of Cole's hair for steppin' all over his verbiage. Git down. 'Pac outside and he's come up with three garbage can lids. Dogg keeps calling Blackman "Kung Fu Grip," which is relatively funny. Lid shot by X-Pac! Lid! Dogg says 'Pac is getting in touch with his "inner chi" right now. Blackman kicks the garbage can lind into X-Pac's face, getting him in touch with something else entirely. Blackman trying to shake it off - HE'S got a lid. Into the ropes, lid goes low - lid to the back. Blackman asking the crowd - and the crowd goes WILD for Steve Blackman! Blackman whips backwards and with a discus-like shot, lids X-Pac, right in *his* lid. Into the ropes, pressing him up - and then giving him the lid to the back of his head on the way down. The HARDCORE INNOVATOR, ladies and gentlemen. This man is the SHIT. Cover - only 2?!? Chef Boyardee presents our first Double Feature as Blackman goes outside to find his weapon bag underneath the ring. Oh, and a garbage can. Blackman with the 'chuks. X-Pac making motions about the disadvantage inherent in the situation. Blackman: "You really want this? Here you go," and he tosses them to X-Pac. X-Pac gives a quick demonstration of his own - and then Blackman brandishes his sticks. Blackman with an equally impressive demonstration, backing up X-Pac...he dares 'Pac to come at him, ducks, then unloads to the gut, back, back of the knees, and back of the head - about ten quick shots in all and X-Pac falls to the mat. Blackman puts one stick down, and uses the other in a very sensitive area as part of a backdrop suplex...with a little something extra in the crotchal area. 1, 2, kickout! You know, X-Pac never jobs in singles matches...X-Pac under the ring, and I think it's fire extinguisher time. Blackman over with a staff - but taking a faceful of CO2 - and one more. X-Pac on him with a right - head to the comentary table, backhand chop, chop, chop, put back in the ring where X-Pac takes the garbage can - can to the hid - uppercut can to the chin (yikes!), can across the back. Blackman slumps in the corner and X-Pac gets to trottin'...unfortunately, he left the garbage can in easy reach - and ends up crotching the can. Blackman grabs a kendo stick - right between the eyes. Cover - 1, 2, 3!!!!!! BLACKMAN GETS A SINGLES VICTORY OVER X-PAC!!! IS HE TRULY THE GREATEST WRESTLER ALIVE OR *WHAT?!?* (5:33) This guy oughta be Champion FOR LIFE. Damn - how can you NOT like this dude? Anyway, Dogg hits the ring post-match and puts the kendo stick on his back - then breaks the stick over his head. X-Pac joins the doubleteam. "The Kings" plays and Road Dogg and X-Pac are still friends...yup. Still to come, an update on the Undertaker's condition!
Backstage, Rock is demonstrably pantomiming to Mick Foley. Say, you think we'll find out what that's about...NEXT! ?
You're watching UPN!
And now, the WWF Burn of the Week, brought to you by Stacker 2! From Fully Loaded, Rikishi splashes Val Venis off the top of the cage. Holy shit!
COMMISSIONER FOLEY is out for about twenty minutes or so. "Some of you may have noticed that, in general, I like to smile quite a bit...hell, I think I've got a pretty nice smile. Unfortunately, tonight I don't feel a whole lot like smiling...because I'm not all that happy. I'm not happy with Shane McMahon...I'm not happy with the Big Show...I'm not happy with the events that took place last Monday on RAW...and I'm especially not happy about being made a fool out of! So let's talk for just a minute about the Big Show. Let's talk about how the Big Show, for the last two weeks, called me on the phone every night and said 'Mick, I'm ready to come back. Mick, my knee feels good. Mick, I want back in. Mick, I want Shane McMahon.' So on Monday, I gave the Big Show Shane McMahon...and he duped all of us. Let's talk a little bit about another person who's all that happy right now - maybe you saw us having a friendly conversation - I'm talking about the Rock. The Rock told me he wants Benoit! He wants the Big Show! He wants Kurt Angle! And he wants Shane McMahon! In any combination... but I'm not gonna give the Rock a combination - you see, I'm gonna level the playing field just a little bit, and I'm going to give the Rock a one-on-one contest In This Very Ring tonight! Where right here...in San Antonio, Texas...the Rock will go one on one with the Olympic champion, Kurt Angle. Now, there were some other co-conspirators on Monday night as well, and they will see special action in a mixed tag team contest...that will see Trish Stratus and Triple H take on Lita and Y2J Chris Jericho! But I'm not through yet, and yes, I am starting to feel just a little bit better, because we've got a six man tag team contest, where my little buddies Edge & Christian will team up with the Big Show...and those three gentlemen will be taking on the Dudley Boyz and Kane! And you know what? Because I'm feeling good, and because, after all, this is the birthplace of Dude Love, I've suddenly decided to exercise my commissionary powers and make this match...a table match!" WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW & (NO LONGER BIG) SKIPPY are out for the next part of our prologue. "Mick, since you seem to be so infatuated with tables, boy last Monday night, Shane-o Mac certainly turned the tables around on you, oho! You see, Mick, in this arena of mind games, Mick, all you can do is wish - because Shane-o Mac will always just be a couple steps ahead of the Commish. So Mick, consider last Monday night your first lesson in McMahon Master Manipulation. BUT! Without further ado, the star of the show - I give you the seven-foot-two, over five hundred pound, give it up for the Big Show!" "Thanks, (baby?), thanks. You know, when I was sent to the hospital...when I was going through all the physical therapy and the rehab for my knee, I had one thought in my mind - that was to put my big meaty hands around Shane McMahon's neck and snap it - I did, I did. You know as time passed, Mick, as time passed, I began to look in the mirror, and I began to see who was really responsible for my knee injury - who was really responsible for me being in the hospital. You know who it was? It was me! Yeah, it was me - I mean, sure, think about it - I had a great time making everyone laugh. But the truth of the matter was, I was a joke. Here we go-- ["Big Show sucks!"] Well, that's exactly why every one of you can kiss my (beep) right now! Because AS I was making you laugh, as I was making fun of myself - just like each and every one of you out there, I was a damn failure! See, I was blind because I couldn't see who was really trying to help me - it wasn't you - it was Shane! It was Kurt Angle! They were trying to keep me from BEING a moron! They wanted me to be all that I could be! And you know, ever since I came to the WWF, since I first walked down that aisle or came up through this ring, I've been trying to find out who I am! What am I about? Well I'm gonna tell you what I'm about, Commissioner Foley - I am the biggest, nastiest bastard to ever set foot in the WWF, and I am damn proud of it." The music fires up again. You know, I can't help but wonder who Show's *real* father is...
Stephanie and Hunter are WALKING! She asks him to please put some ice on that. He tells her to get off him today. They enter their dressing room...where a large bouquet of yellow roses sits on a table. Oh, the tension! Oh, the stress! Who's playing the mind games? Oops - they're from Hunter to his wife. WHAT A SWERVE! Anyway, they get to kissin' (wow, their lips are actually *touching!*) and we give them a moment of privacy. Damn, the crowd's REALLY unhappy about this...
That poor fat dude - he's NEVER gonna get that cupcake
First of many exciting UPN bumpers - oh wait...it's the SAME one...EVERY time. Hey, you think it's EASY coming up with new ways to complain about it every week?
And now, get ready for some Maximum Power - thanks to RC Edge Maximum Power cola! From RAW last Monday, Lita got in a good shot on Stephanie...but ultimately felt the strap...from Trish Stratus.
HARDY BOYZ (with Moments Ago - four paragraphs ago) v. LO DOWN - Now BOTH D'Lo & Chaz have lost their last names. Cole tells us the tale of two men who feel that they've been held back - yeah, the Head Bangers were tag team champions of the universe and D'Lo was the Greatest European champion of all time - *clearly* they have every RIGHT to be bitter. Right from the get go, the topless dudes strike - D'Lo with a spear on Jeff and Chaz with a general pounding on Matt. Doubleteam on Matt - into the ropes, double back elbow, Chaz off the ropes, D'Lo flapjacking him onto Matt. "What's up with that?" Well, I dunno, D'Lo, you tell me. Chaz staying on him - backdrop suplex. Five rights, and harsh words for referee "Blind" Jim Korderas - he NOT being a fan of the closed fist tactic. Matt punches back when Chaz returns...Chaz with a right. In the ropes, Matt ducks - and hits a nice spinning DDT. Tag to Jeff, squeal! D'Lo coming at him - and going down to a drop toehold to the second turnbuckle. Jeff with a shot to Chaz out on the apron, and then returning to D'Lo. Matt meets him there - into the ropes, double back elbow, trademark fistdrop/senton combo - Korderas puts Matt outside while Jeff pounds on D'Lo - head to the buckle. Into the opposite corner is reversed, Jeff puts the boots up, but as D'Lo suddenly occupies Korderas, Chaz pulls him down from behind, then makes a wish with the ringpost. D'Lo over to grab him by the hair - tag to Chaz. Double suplex coming up - and there we go. Chaz stomping on Jeff - shot for Matt to draw him in - blatant doubleteam while the ref isn't looking. D'Lo stays in and taunts Jeff while he tries to crawl to Matt. Straight right. "What's up with that, boy?" Poor D'Lo - he never knows what's up with that. Leaving him out on the ropes, D'Lo *again* occupies Korderas while Chaz drops the leg behind his back. D'Lo puts Jeff into the ropes, head down, Hardy fires back with a kick, right, right, right, whip, but D'Lo holds on and reverses - backdrop suplex. Tag to Chaz. Tonight - Grand Master Sexay vs. Tazz! Euro title match! Chaz off the second rope with a double axehandle - for 2. Chaz waits for him to get up - then clotheslines him down. Big kick when he gets back up again. Head to the buckle - head to the adjacent buckle, and tag. Open shot for D'Lo. Knee in the gut, pounding him down to the canvas. D'Lo climbing to the top - check that, springing onto the second turnbuckle and MISSING with the moonsault! Will Jeff make the tag? I have a funny feeling...he just might. Tag to Chaz, hot tag to Matt! Right for Chaz, right, ducks a D'Lo clothesline, gutshot and DDT, Chaz whipped into the corner, no reversed, but Matt puts up an elbow - then clotheslines him down from the second rope. All four men in the ring now - Matt down on all fours for Poetry in Motion to D'Lo - and now to Chaz. Matt on the second rope - big legdrop onto Chaz...1, 2, D'Lo breaks it up. D'Lo grabs Matt - but Jeff dropkicks him in the back - was that collision intentional? Well, either way everybody's down but Chaz. Chaz knees Matt, suplex attempt fails as Matt drops down behind him - meanwhile, Jeff flies with a pescado onto D'Lo. Matt with the Twist of Fate on Chaz - swanton bomb by Jeff - Matt covers - 1, 2, 3!! BOTH MEN WERE LEGAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (6:05) D'Lo is quickly back in, dumping Jeff over the top rope to the floor as he charges towards him...then dropkicking Matt. Matt raised high between them for a double bomb. Jeff on the top buckle, Chaz over to crotch him, punch away and superplex - D'Lo with the frog splash. D'Lo *still* wants to know what's up with that. Play their music! Are you EXCITED about this team yet? Me, I'm wishing for the return of Well Dunn before I see them compete again.
Back in the dressing room, Stephanie wants to know why Hunter isn't happy - well, Commissioner Foley's ruined his whole damn day teaming him up with that "albatross" Trish Stratus. "Trish Stratus should be in some bar somewhere doing wet T-shirt contests; she has no business in a wrestling ring. Y'know, she's out there trying to be a wrestler, I mean, she knows nothing about wrestling or technique - nothing. I mean, you, her, all these other women, it's the same thing, you nothing about--" Stephanie rises and takes umbrage. "Wrestling has been in my family--forget it." And she takes off in a huff - even leaving her title behind - gosh, she MUST be angry!
When we come back, a glum Triple H sits alone on his sofa. There's a knock at the door - it's Trish Stratus. She knows he's not thrilled about them teaming up - but it's Foley's faults. She asks him to show her some holds. "Maybe I could show you some holds, huh - you have no idea how much this bothers me. (sigh) Somebody's gotta do it - all right - you know anything?" Poor, POOR Triple H. We all KNOW how much he hates BLONDES!
GRAND MASTER SEXAY (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Lorillard Youth Smoking Prevention Program, Foot Locker, and 3DO's Army Men: Air Combat) v. TAZZZZZZZZZZZZ - Sexay hits a baseball slide dropkick between the ropes, catching the thug off guard. Dropkick off the apron! Right hand - right - right - suplex coming up - on the floor! Referee "Blind" Tim White tells him to get it in the ring, so they do - Sexay on top - double sledge misses as Tazz buries a right hand in the gut, causing Sexay to somersault on his way down! Running clothesline. Stomp, right, right, right, Tazz is...deliberate. Picking him up for the...right. Kick, kick, kick, into the ropes, Sexay slides under - BIG ol' backdrop suplex. Sexay picks up Tazz, gutshot, in position for the powerbomb, but Tazz picks him up as if to backdrop him - then whips him back down into a spinebuster. Cover - check that, it's a blatant choke. Chef Boyardee wants you to see Tazz land right on his head again in this Double Feature. Tazz pounding on his back - into the ropes, back elbow. Snapmares him over, ripping at the mouth. Right cross, overhand right, right, into the ropes, head down, Sexay comes back with a kick, another kick, side headlock...but Tazz hits a Nothern Lights suplex for 2. Tazz with a KO right. Another right. Sexay put in the corner, Tazz kicks twice, into the opposite corner, Sexay puts up a boot. Tazz runs at Sexay - and ends up in a powerslam. Sexay trying to shake it off - right, right, into the ropes, Tazz catches the boot - and an enzuigiri! 1, 2, shoulder up! Sexay charges, but comes up empty as Tazz vacates the corner just in time - and there's the Tazmission! SCOTTY 2 HOTTY is out and pounding on Tazz - well, that's just not right. (DQ 2:36) Tazz rolls outside long enough for Hotty to check on his partner - then he comes in and locks in the Tazmission on Hotty! Sexay manages to come back enough to break it up with punches. Hotty off the ropes with the bulldog - now holding him down for the Hip Hop Drop from Sexay. And how about a nice Worm with that? Yup. Play their music! Tazz seems pissed, for some reason.
Having taught her the headlock, H moves on to teaching Trish Stratus the hammerlock. Her asks her to try it - on his bad arm. What a dummy! H moves on to the science of counterholds - the counter to a hammerlock is to reach between her legs, grab HIS leg, and pull it forward. (Never mind we haven't seen that since DiBiase...) so they get to working on THIS, when of course Stephanie barges right in with "what the HELL is THIS?" Too bad she wasn't watching on the monitor, huh? Stephanie demolishes the flowers and throws the vase at Triple H - then takes off crying. "This is your damn fault!" H busts up the OTHER lamp and takes off...
UPN! Home of one bumper!
Moments Ago - "classic misunderstanding" - say, it DOES like he's doin' her in da butt!
During the Break, Triple H loads into his limo - Dogg says he'll talk to Stephanie, he can't just go - H says to hell with Foley, the match AND his wife. And they drive off.
EDGE & CHRISTIAN (with the TV-PG-DLV ratings box and oversized foam cowboy hats) and WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with Skippy) v. DUDLEY BOYZ and KANE in a tables match - "We just wanna say howdy to all our fans right here in San Antonio! As we all know, most people view Texans as big, smelly, pork rind chomping, tobacco spitting fatties!" "Moving right along, we've heard the old saying 'everything's bigger in Texas!' Well with that being said, feast your eyes on the severe massivity, ha ha, of our tag team partner! He's seven foot four, he's five hundred pounds, he's the TOTALLY Big Show!" Show does NOT come out with a giant cowboy hat on. Although it was set up in the ring, I guess Show's pyro didn't work - or they edited it out, 'cause we didn't see it. Edge & Christian try to swarm, but the Dudleyz make quick work of them - Kane is content to stand there and watch. Edge goes outside and Buh-Buh Ray stays in with Christian. Open-handed slap in the corner, elbow to the forehead, into the ropes, biiiig back body drop. Clothesline. Tag to D-Von, both men put him in the ropes, double knockdown. D-Von with a right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, clothesline ducked, big shoulderblock by D-Von. Shot for Edge as he comes in. D-Von watches Edge on the outside, though - as does referee "Blind" Mike Chioda - so EVERYBODY misses Christian coming up from behind and hitting an uppernut on D-Von. Inverted DDT. Christian crawls over and tags the Show - down you go, D-Von. In the corner, well it's three big kicks. Well it's a big beal. Well it's a big into the ropes, well it's a big powerslam. C'mon, you've MISSED this gimmick. Tag to Edge, who stomps away. Edge puts him on the top buckle, right hand, up for a superplex attempt - but D-Von fights it and throws him back into the ring. D-Von with a running clothesline. Wants a tag - Edge holds on, so HE gets a back elbow - now Christian is in without a tag, and there's a backdrop suplex. This pisses off Kane, who comes in and puts each man down with an uppercut, then catches Christian in a tilt-a-whirl slam. Clothesline takes Edge to the outside - Christian tossed over as well. He wants the Show - so the Show will come in. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, okay THAT'S the new record. Kane nearly backhands Chioda for attempting to break up his world record attempt, and he scatters. Shane was thinking about coming into the ring here, but Kane spies him and points - and he backs down off the apron. That was just enough to give the Show an opening, and - well it's a big clothesline. Well it's a big toss over the top rope to the floor. Well it's a big following him walking over the top rope and going to the floor. In the ring, Buh-Buh Ray backdrops Edge and it looks like it's time for the "Wassup" spot. D-Von does his war dance, and then Buh-Buh Ray says those four little words that the entire crowd has been waiting for: "D-Von...get the table!" They go out and find the table - meanwhile, Kane eats the STEEL steps - I'm gonna guess the Show had something to do with that. Edge & Christian try to baseball slide dropkick the table - but the Dudleyz are starting to *learn*...and raise the table so they only find air - then they run the table into both of them. Table in the ring now - D-Von has Edge by the hair, right, sorry TWO tables in the ring. Buh-Buh Ray setting up a table as D-Von puts Edge in the ring. Here's 3D! Dudley Death Drop! That's good enough to get them the victory - only had to put ONE guy through a table, I guess. (4:20 - hmm) Christian hits the ring and goes down to a right from D-Von. Buh-Buh Ray sets up the second table - hey, you think he'll...no, Christian hangs onto the ropes and pulls himself outside, avoiding it. Show is in - well it's a big right for Buh-Buh Ray, and well it's a big right for D-Von. *Kane* is in as Show resets the table - Kane's got him in a choke...but Shane is in to break it up with his best clubbing forearm...which isn't all that great, as Kane slowly turns to face Shane. *Shane* in the choke...but Show puts Kane in a choke and breaks that up - ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM *demolishes* the table. Play the Show's music! Dig that CRAZY replay!
Too Cool & Rikishi eat Crunch 'n Munch! Heeeey......is Grand Master Sexay putting the dude in a Sharpshooter? Damn, can't you guys LEAVE BRET ALONE
Moments Ago - two paragraphs ago - just in case you were watching some other show, I guess. "Welllll......." Here's another angle. "Welllll......."
STEVEN RICHARDS (with Wall Buchanan) is out. Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Buchanan pinned the Godfather to excise the ho's from theWorld Wrestling Federation. "Now, I can understand that you people cannot comprehend that we have, and have always had, your best interests in mind. But after our victory this past Monday night over indecency, we have received thousands upon thousands of letters in support of our actions! And whether you like it or not, right will always prevail over wrong! For example, scantily clad women are wrong! Lusting after scantily clad women is wrong! And pimpin' isn't easy - it's history! And so are the scantily clad women! Because Monday night on RAW, a battle was won - we fought the good fight for your own good, because quite frankly you do not know any better - and we won. Also, we have proven that our efforts are not in vain, because ladies and gentlemen...["ass hole"]...ladies and gentlemen, it is our honour to introduce to you...THE GOODFATHER. Out comes the former Godfather to Richards' music - wearing shirt, slacks, tie and glasses. Golly! "So I see, once the women are gone, so is the love, huh? Steven Richards was right - I'm spendin' way too much time trying to ruin what's good in he WWF - and you people cheer for it! I thought that I was fightin' for your rights, but all I was fightin' for was filth! Parading ho's around - excuse me - parading women around as sex objects - it isn't right. I tried to play off of your lust - I was pimpin' just for the cheer...when I should have been trying to set a better example. Love is not for sale! Love is a gift! Lovei s a privlige, not a commodity. So knowing that, I finally got one thing to say, and that is I'M SORRY! Don't you people realise what you're cheering for is wrong? Never again will I contribute to the moral demise of what this great country of ours stands for! My eyyyyyyyyes were shut SO tight that I could not even see all the trash in front of my eyes! I could not see that what I was doin' was WRONG! I did not see what you great people cannot see - and that is that STEVEN IS RIGHT! The WWF will be better off, believe me, if there's no pimps, no ho's, and selective censoring!" Steven offers the Hand of Friendship - and he TAKES it! Buchanan shakes his hand as well. Wow. Who would have thought that in these times, I'd take this situation and say... Ladies and gentlemen, we have a heel turn. That...and Charles Wright just got a lot more interesting...
In the commissioner's office, Trish requests a word. Since Triple H has left, it's not fair to have the match, is it? Foley turns the tables on Trish, accusing her of sexual harrassment...what with all of that sexuality she's forcing on him, harrassing him (if you will). Foley decides that she'll have a substitute partner - Chris Benoit. Foley says she can take the match tonight, or he can sue her for sexual harrassment. This would probably make more sense if I took the time to properly explain it - then again, maybe it wouldn't. On the other hand, I have to give Trish credit for making great strides in her nonexistent acting ability...but GOSH she's so SHINY
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: PERRY SATURN (with Nipples) v. CRASH (with Scale) - RAW hits the Georgia Dome Monday - good seats still available (or at least, bad seats). Saturn runs at Crash, who ducks and punches - into the ropes, Crash with a flying headscissors - off the ropes with a clothesline, dropkick as he's seated - 2. Saturn ducks a clothesline and superkicks Crash. Backdrop suplex. Press - and toss. Crash puts Saturn in the ropes, but he misgauges the looseness of the top rope and ends up whipping his head under it. Crash improvises by running to him and kicking away. Into the ropes, hiptoss blocked, swinging neckbreaker by Saturn - 1, 2, no. Saturn puts Crash in the ropes, HE blocks a hiptoss, and turns into a bodyscissors rollup for two. Saturn blocks a forearm, goes behind, got him up on his shoulders - turns him and powerbombs him down. Hooks the leg - 2. Oh oh, Cole called him "Crash Holly!" Tsk tsk tsk, Cole, he HAS no last name now! Crash put in the corner, boot up on the charge - Crash has him in a side headlock - sort of an acid drop there...1, 2, foot on the rope. Crash with an elbow, reversed, there's that ninety degree flapjackery I always forget the name of - Crash up first, though - elbow, into the ropes, back body drop - climbing to the top for a huracanrana - hooks the leg..only 2. Cole called him "Crash Holly" again - it's my duty to ding him for that, you know. Of course, they could just drop the silly one name bit, as well...but you KNOW they won't. Terri grabs the ankle as he comes off the ropes. Now referee "Blind" Jack Doan has some words for Terri about how we follow the RULES around here...behind his back, Saturn kicks him squaarn the nuts and cradles him up for the pin. (2:51) EDDIE GUERRERO hits the ring and jumps Saturn, and right behind him THAT SLUT CHYNA is barking out instructions. A few more refs come out to hold Eddie back - so *Chyna* clotheslines him out of the ring. Play Eddie's music! Terri fondles herself with the belt.
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. They chat a bit about the Big Show unleashed.
Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Shane broke a cinder block on Undertaker's knee. The update: severe knee damage, dislocated patella, and some ligament damage.
Chris Jericho and Lita are WALKING! Golly what a tiny, tight top! No, silly...on Lita - Jericho's topless
TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL and CHRIS BENOIT (with Skippy - and Chef Boyardee, presenting SummerSlam) v. LITA and CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO in an intergender tag - Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight as Shakespeare himself couldn't have written a greater tragedy. Later Earlier Tonight, H takes off. The men start. Lockup, knee by Benoit, knee by Jericho, they trade rights for a while, Jericho puts him in the ropes but Benoit knocks him down. Up and over, leapfrog by Jericho, chop ducked, Jericho's lands, chop, chop, into the corner, foot up by Benoit, clothesline ducked, foot caught, Jericho with an enzuigiri, oh my they're fast. Benoit goes outside. Stratus tries to come in with a sneak attack, but Lita hits the ring and clothesline *her* down. Stratus rolls out. Jericho whips Lita, who drops into a baseball slide dropkick to Stratus' back. Kick to Benoit, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, gutshot by Benoit - hanging him out to dry on the top rope - referee "Blind" Tim White with some words for Benoit - behind his back, Shane pulls him to the floor and adds some stomping. Jericho put back in the ring, where Benoit is waiting. Backbreaker. Benoit outside and on top - swandive headbutt to the back - cover - Lita pulls him off at 2, but Benoit's got her by the hair - tossing her through the ropes to the floor! Benoit turns into a spinning heel kick by Benoit. Both men slow to get up - both men landing simultaneous rights - and again - Jericho with a right while Benoit kicks, repeat, right by Benoit, Jericho bounces off the ropes with a forearm. Benoit put into the ropes, reversed, flying jalapeno by Jericho! Off the ropes with a bulldog - cover gets 2. Into the ropes - head down, kick by Benoit, shot for Lita, Jericho with a double leg - Walls of Jericho! Stratus comes in and pulls Jericho off by the hair - she winds up to slap him, but Jericho blocks it and grabs HER by the hair - and hnow he's going to put HER in the Walls of Jericho! Benoit over with a right to break that up - Benoit backs into a huracanrana from Lita! EVERY time Lita does something like that, I cringe. Lita with a nice pescado on Stratus, for an encore. Jericho reverses a whip into the ropes, back elbow, Lionsault! Jericho holds his ribs - then covers - 1, 2, 3!! (3:27) Lita holds her left elbow and forearm - did she hurt herself on the only move that didn't scare me? How ironic! Benoit makes the "curses" bottom rope kick as Jericho's music plays.
Here's a look at WWF New York - just for kicks.
Moments Ago - two paragraphs ago - commentators quickly build up Benoit despite his loss, blaming it on his inexperience in intergender matches, and his inexperienced partner
JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Kurt Angle, who has some words about his upcoming match. "Oh, God forbid 'the great one' get hit with a chair. You know, an Olympic gold medalist - a man who brought fame and honour to his country can get chased by a psycho on a motorcycle and by even his bigger psycho brother and nothin' happens, but the man with the eyebrow get hit with a chair, and it's time to call the National Guard! Well, Commissioner Foley might think he's punishing me by puttin' me in this match, but he's actually doing me a favour, because I can't wait to face the Rock, and it's only fitting that we're doing it here in Texas, because the Rock and Texas have a lot in common. They both think they're better than everyone else, as if they're special. Well, the Rock's not special. And Texas...as a representative of all fifty states, I only have one thing to say, and I don't say this often...the Lone Star state...Lone Star State, my ass. Huh? So Rock, I want you to come back down to earth, show some guts, and put that title on the line, 'cause you're about to be beaten by the real People's Champion, and THAT...is true."
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY interviews Jericho backstage. "Well, I think we all learned a couple things about Triple H tonight. Number one, according to his wife, maybe he's not That Damn Good. And number two, I think that he learned that if you're gonna stick a girl like Trish Stratus with a couple o' pointers, maybe it's best to wait until your wife has left the building, sunshine. And as far as Chris Benoit goes, he claims to be the greatest techincal wrestler in the WWF; well, since Y2J just beat him, I guess that makes him the second greatest technical wrestler - but then again, since the Rock beat him the other night, I guess that makes him the third tech-- matter of fact, Lita was bumping him around tongiht, I guess he's the fourth technical--" At this point, Benoit flies into the picture and DESTROYS Jericho, Shane helpfully providing a narration. "Who's the greatest technical wrestler now?" Benoit drops the garage door right on Jericho's injured ribs. But he's not done - he's got a chair...WHACK right to the head! Jericho spits up some New Blood for added effect.
MY question is...if he can't reach it NOW, how did that cupcake get there THEN?
Sole UPN bumper
Moments Ago - three paragraphs ago - even Shane is aghast at the bloody mess left behind
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: KING KURT ANGLE (with the WWF Rewind) v. LA ROCA - During the break, Rock apparently demanded to Foley that this be made a title defense - and Foley gave the okay! The WWF Rewind, brought to you by Lorillard's Whacko Tobacco, is Shane McMahon's gang beatin' up on the Rock at the end of Monday's RAW. UPN would like you to know that you're watching "WWF Smackdown." I have no doubt that there's no chance in hell that Angle come out of tonight's show with the title, no matter what Lawler says. Angle doesn't want to get in the ring, so Rock goes out to meet HIM, instead, right, right, right, in the ring, bell sounds to start the match, right, into the ropes, reversed, head down, kick by the Rock, Rock ducks a clothesline and hits a back elbow. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp, right, elbow, into the oppsite corner is reversed, Rock puts up an elbow, but runs into an Angle powerslam. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, right, whip into the opposite corner is reversed and Angle hits sternum first - Rock decides to clothesline him in the back as he backs out. Rock with a right. Into the ropes we go, reversed, back elbow by Angle. Rock tries a clothesline, but Angle ducks it and hits a back suplex. Stomp, stomp, stomp - CHRIS BENOIT & SKIPPY are walking down the aisle to get a better look. Angle continues to stomp on him. Angle choking Rock on the second rope - referee "Blind" Earl Hebner pulls him off and, as he's relating how rope chokes are a violation of the rules, Shane gives the Rock a second rope choke behind his back. Stomp by Angle. Right. Right. Right is blocked, right, right, right, off the ropes...but Angle sidesteps it and puts Rock over the top rope to the floor. Shane with a clothesline on the Rock! Angle outside to put him back in - can't win the title on a countout - cover - 1, 2, NO! Stomp by Angle. Right hand. Right. Into the ropes, Rock springs off with a flying clothesline. Right by the Rock, into the ropes is reversed, Angle hugs Hebner and turns him away from Benoit grabbing the ankles and tripping up the Rock. Benoit lands a right, scoops him up and crotches him on the barricade. Rock approaches selling!!!! Hebner counts - Angle goes outside and throws a right. Back in the ring - leg is hooked - NEW CHAMPION NEW CHAMPION NEW oh no it's only 2. Angle goes to the headlock. Rock is fading fast - why, his arm might drop twice! Crowd chants "Rock E" as - go figure - the arm doesn't fall a third time. Rock to his feet, right, right, right, breaks the hold so Angle immediately goes to the eyes, now HE'S throwing rights, there's a third, another, right, off the ropes but Rock catches him in a ... well, let's be generous and call it a belly-to-belly suplex. Both men are down and Hebner puts on the count. At 7, Angle pulls himself up by the ropes, off the ropes, Rock ducks, right hand puts Angle down. He bounces up, right puts him down. One more time with the bounce and the right. Rock spits in his hand - he's ready to KISS THAT RIGHT but Angle has the spit right scouted and DUCKS it! (Are people getting wise to the deadly power of the spit right?) Rock blocks a right from Angle, gutshot, DDT! Cover - 1, 2, Angle kicks out! Rock with a right, into the ropes, but Angle holds on - belly-to-belly overhead suplex! Angle struggles to make the cover - in fact, he doesn't....he's out. Angle again pulls himself up by the ropes - charging Rock but caught in a spinebuster. Rock ready to go for the Elbow, but he spies Shane on the apron out of the corner of his eye. Right hand for Shane! Angle tries for a gutshot, but Rock catches the foot and executs a DRAGON SCREW LEGWHIP - holy shit! Rock with...a SHARPSHOOTER?!? Did somebody have a bet with him or something? Benoit comes in and waffles him in the back of the head, breaking the hold. Hebner, of course, is discussing Kathie Lee's last show with Shane. Cole says Angle was tapping out - I must have missed it. Rock, angered, goes outside to get him some of Benoit. Right to the back of the head - Benoit put into the STEEL steps. Benoit rolled in - now Rock has a chair...back in the ring - WHACK! to Benoit's back. WHACK! to Angle - no, no, that won't fly, even with Hebner in there. Your winner via disqualification...Kurt Angle. (DQ 7:39) Rock mounts Angle and punches away - Shane gets in the ring - Rock turns to face him - and Shane runs away. The chase is on up the ramp, but Benoit catches up to him before he can catch up to Shane. Rock ducks a clothesline and delivers a spinebuster on the ramp. The ring announcer announces Angle the winner - Angle has the WWF title and goes into celebration mode - Rock gives us a pissed face, then runs back into the ring. Angle tries to waffle him with the WWF Championship belt, but Rock ducks, right puts Angle down - HE tries a belt shot, but Angle rolls out of the ring just in time. Play the Rock's music! On the stage, Shane, Benoit and Angle make faces and point - Rock returns the stare...credits are up...and we're out.