/10 August 2000
UPN - smells like Thursday
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
"Last Monday: Angle / Jericho / Triple H" oh and Stephanie got the Rock Bottom
Close captioned is the show belonged these opening credits
Here's the PYRO! We are on tape 10.8.2K from the Continental Airlines Arena in the city they dare not mention (East Rutherford, NJ) and this show is en espanol donde sea disponible - and ONLY ON UPN!!
COMMISSIONER McFOLEY is immediately out to not wrestle. Tonight, Jericho and Guerrero team to take on Venis and Benoit, Edge and Christian put the titles on the line against the Dudley Boyz, Tazz will make noise (much to Lawler's chagrin), and so much more! "Hey, thank you very much. You know, since Monday night I've been getting asked the same question over and over, and no, it's not when is my book coming out in papaerback (which, by the way, will be in October). No, I'm talking about the question of who will be the #1 Contender for SummerSlam? Will it be Olympic Champion Kurt Angle? [Boo] Or will it be the Game, Triple H? [Boo] And I guess the most important thing to consider before making a final ruling is the integrity of the commissionership position. And so, with that in mind, I have come to the--" Wait, I THOUGHT he said "integrity" - here comes KING KURT ANGLE & SKIPPY, HIS FRIEND. "Hold on a second, Mick. Now you saw what happened Monday night. *I* was the one who suplexed Chris Jericho from the top rope and covered him 1, 2, 3. Therefore, *I* will be the one to face the Rock at SummerSlam for the WWF Championship. Now, the only thing that I was upset about from Monday night is that my friend, oh yeah, my friend Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, who happens to be my friend Shane McMahon's siter, was Rock Bottomed by the Rock. Now this is a prime example of what will NOT happen when *I* become WWF Champion. Because, I will not BE the New Jersey of champions, oh no. I will have class, and I will have some pride...it's true, Mick, it's true. So when I become champion, I will raise the standard of what it means to be WWF Champion. With these gold medals, Mick, and you've seen them many times, and the integrity of Olympic competition, I will bring the standard of excellence to the WWF Championship that hasn't been experienced since the days of Bruno Sammartino, and that's true." "I'm sure Bruno would appreciate the mention, but I think, Kurt, you have to--" Interrupting at *this* point is THE NEW MAN & STEPHANIE ONO, she slowly limping, gimping, holding her side and giving us a general impression of "pain" - well, as best an actress of her calibre can, of course. Nose to nose - and H takes the mic away before helping his wife in the ring as the "Slut!" chant is loud and strong. "Now, Mick - I know you're not the smartest commissioner we've ever had here in the World Wrestling Federation...but I know that even - there's no way, Mick, you are gonna listen to this little jerk right here. Yeah, you're a jerk - it's true, it's true! Now, Mick, you know that he does not deserve to be #1 Contender - he is not in that league - now nor will he ever be worthy of being deemed #1 Contender. I pinned Chris Jericho Monday night on RAW. I did what I needed to do, and I should be celebrating my victory, and I should be celebrating the fact that I am a few weeks away from SummerSlam, and getting back MY World Wrestling Federation championship from the Rock. Now, the only thing that I take exception to is the fact... ["Rock E!"] All right? I changed my mind. That, I take exception to...and you, I take exception to. I take exception to the fact that you have any concern over the well-being of my wife. Now, listen. I have told you before, and I am telling you for the last time...stay away from my wife." H punctuates these last words with the ol' finger in the chest - both Mick and Shane stand between them and Shane takes the mic. "Check it out, chill out, chill out. Wait. Just hold on a sec, just chill out. Chill out, chill out. Chill out. Okay? We all share the same sentiment for Stephanie - we all share that same sentiment. Hey, chill out - let's chill out for a sec." Man, I hope he says "chill out" again! "The pain that my baby sister Stephanie is in is a direct result of the Rock Bottom, but the one thing that we are all united in is that we all vow vengeance on the Rock. We're going to get payback on the Rock. We're going to take the Rock out." Steph: "Thank you, Shane. Thank you, Hunter. And thank you, Kurt. And thank all of you who have been sharing my pain. But - but I don't want you to worry too much, because even the Rock Bottom won't prevent me - the World Wrestling Federation Women's Champion - from defending my title...as - as soon as I am physically able." "Stephanie, let me, let me interrupt for just a second... " "No, wait wait. Thank you for your sympathy. "You know, it's not very often that we all stand united in the same feeling, but I too was concerned when the Rock laid you flat on your back with the Rock Bottom. I think all of us shared a concern for your welfare on Monday night [boo] so, as WWF Commissioner, and a representative of the people, I'd like to be the one to ask you how your back is feeling... IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW YOUR BACK IS FEELING! Yeah! Woohoo!" Who saw that coming? Tho'...it's STILL funny. "Foley" chant. "Wait...what *does* matter is who is the #1 Contender for the WWF title - now on Monday night, I gave my word as the Commissioner that whoever ended that match with their arm raised in a token of victory would be that #1 Contender. Kurt Angle, your arm was raised. Triple H, your arm was raised. So at SummerSlam it will be Kurt Angle...vs. Triple H...vs. The Rock in a Triple Threat match for the WWF title! That's the good news, hey that's the good news, that's the good news, guys. The bad news is, the two of you are going to have to get together, because In This Very Ring...in New Jersey (thumbs up)...the team of Kurt Angle and Triple H will see tag team action against their opponents...the Undertaker...and...the Rock! Have a great match, and...and have a nice day!"
Val Venis and Trish are WALKING! They happen upon Chyna in the makeup chair. "Hey Val, you here for your makeup?" "Shut the hell up..." "Shouldn't you have taken enough time with the makeup lady?" "Oh, sorry Trish, Jan didn't bring the sandblaster to take away all your wrinkles today." Oooh, CATTY! Val: "Sit your (beep) down--" *This* leads to Eddie Guerrero flying in and attacking Venis. Pull 'em apart - they got business coming up - Guerrero and Jericho team to take on Venis and Benoit - NEXT!
NOOOOOOOOOO - the JCPenney POP the LOCK ad has followed me over to THIS channel. And they STILL misspell "Penney!"
Triple H tells us that Metacuts makes you the Orange. Save 70%? Damn, that's some sorta markup!
Edge gets a piece of this "Highlander: Endgame" ad - it begins 1 September
Coincidentally, we happen upon Edge and Christian backstage. "Hey, you're wearing crazy-ass sunglasses - crazy-ass sunglasses are MY deal!" "Normally, I'd totally agree with you, but tonight is someting special. Remember that movie I shot a few months back, Highlander: Endgame, the one where I totally stole the movie in the most important scene? Well, anyway, the cast are huge fans and tonight they wana come hang with us." "Cool!" "Yeah, baby, I'm a star." "Star power RULES!" Here are three stars of "Highlander: Endgame," Christopher Lambert, Adrian Paul and Lisa Barbuscia. "I *love* your crazy-ass sunglasses..." and in the background we see Christian make a "rats" pantomime. "So, when we gonna see the Rock?" "In due time, my friend, in due time, but first...did I ever tell you about the time that Christian and I won the tag team championships in a table ladders match at WrestleMania 2000?" "Only about five hundred times." "Seven." "Eight? Nine?" "Well, you haven't heard it from Christian's perspective!" "Yeah, it's SO totally the coolest story. It was a balmy April afternoon in Anaheim...yeah...and Clinton was president...and Britney Spears...she was teaching the nation how to sing..." The stars decide they need to go get some water...
CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) and EDDIE GUERRERO (with That Slut Chyna) v. BALD VENIS (with Trish Stratus - the Fitness Model and Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago) and CHRIS BENOIT (with Skippy, his friend) - Did the WWF buy up all the old Washington Capitals hockey jerseys and turn them into "Y2J" jerseys? Hey, why ARE these guys teaming up, anyway? I thought they had issues. Benoit hits the ring and he and Jericho immediately go at it - Jericho with a Thesz press and a maelstrom of punching, while Guerrero and Venis share a moment on the outside of the ring. It's all Guerrero - and it's all Jericho. In the ring, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, Venis drops Guerrero on the barricade on the outside, back in the ring to see a reversal off the whip, but Jericho hits the flying jalapeno and Benoit goes down. Right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, ducks the clothesline, Jericho with a back elbow, going for the Lionsault, but he picked the set of ropes nearest Shane and gets conked in the head by Shane. Venis in the ring, putting the boots to Jericho - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Benoit puts him in the corner and they BOTH give the boots some mileage - meanwhile, referee "Blind" Jim Korderas is trying really hard to get Eddie into his corner. Benoit puts Jericho into the ropes, and there's a back elbow. Snap suplex. Shot for Guerrero as well. Stomp, stomp, tag. Open field goal kick from the front face. Korderas AGAIN occupies himself with Guerrero. Jericho right, right, Venis right, Jericho right, Irish whip into the corner is reversed, Venis with a clothesline in the corner, Blue Thunder powerbomb, mounting him for around nine punches. Tag out to Benoit. Venis with one more stomp, and Guerrero might be wise to stop trying to get into the ring - just an idea, there. Knife-edge chop - chop - right hand to the back of the head. Stomp, stomp, bringing him to the centre - whip is reversed, Benoit ducks the clothesline and tries to hook the arm for a backslide, but Jericho turns it around. Benoit catches the kick attempt - and then catches an enzuigiri to the head. Both men are down - tag to Guerrero! Right, right, right, clothesline, clothesline for Venis, stomp, right, right, right, Benoit from behind. Jericho over to Benoit and THEY tumble to the outside. It's broken down again. In the ring, off the ropes, Venis tries the back body drop but Guerrero strikes with the 'rana. Benoit reverses a whip and Jericho collides with the STEEL steps. Frog splash! But - SHOCK OF SHOCKS - Korderas *remembers* that Venis isn't the legal man and refuses to count a pin! Benoit, meanwhile, sneaks in with the swandive headbutt to the exposed back of Guerrero. Benoit covers - 1, 2, 3. (3:37) Jericho comes in and attacks Benoit from behind - then locks in the Walls of Jericho. Benoit taps (as if that'll help) - Venis climbs to the top to break this up, but Chyna is in and over...and bealing him into the ring! Chyna puts the boots to Venis as Shane flies in to break up the Walls of Jericho. Jericho gives HIM a right...and puts HIM in the Walls! Shane taps...funny, it doesn't help HIM, either. ALBERT is out - Guerrero with a pescado attempt, and he's caught (sorta). Albert runs him back first into the post. Venis tosses Chyna outside the ring, while inside, Benoit breaks up the Walls and immediately slaps on the Crippler crossface on Jericho. Is Jericho dumb enough to try to tap out? Well, we focus on Benoit making interesting noises instead of watching Jericho's hands. Play Benoit's music! After the refs break them up, Benoit goes ahead and does it again (ha!). Jericho is left laying.
Hey, wanna win two tickets to see the WWF live at the San Jose Arena on 7 October? Check out the UPN 44 Discovery Guide, available at Silicon Valley Blockbuster Video stores as well as Domino's Pizza! Hmm...that's a...Saturday?
Moments Ago - ribbit - headbutt - cover - pin. Here's another angle of the Crossface, highlighting Benoit's viciousness in clamping it on.
X-PAC NEVER JOBS IN SINGLES MATCHES (EXCEPT IN RETURN MATCHES) v. RIKASHMONEY in a return match - X-Pac has told Road Dogg to stay backstage, no matter what, tonight. Let Us Take You Back to RAW where this match was first contested. X-Pac meets him out on the ramp - and promptly bounces off the floor by eating rights. Into the STEEL steps. Rikishi right, right, head to the commentary table, head to the STEEL steps, and rolled in the ring. X-Pac asks for time..then tries a right. It's blocked, and Rikishi hits a right of his own. Into the ropes, head down, kick by X-Pac, spinning heel kick. Cover - 2. X-Pac right, right, block, right by Rikishi, right, into the corner, X-Pac off with a sleeper - I have a sneaky feeling this won't work...although he DOES go to one knee. Lawler intimates that there's just a BIT more to this "friendly" rivalry these days. But don't try to make a big deal out of it. Rikishi back up, powering out, clothesline is ducked, X-Pac off with a clothesline (and somersault for effect) that takes him off his feet. In the corner, missing a kick out of his patented trifecta of kicks, standing on the neck, and isn't his pre-broncobuster gallop starting to look like one of the old stereotypical "Native American" war dances? Anyway, Rikishi pops up with a clothesline before he can try the 'buster. Big right hand. Into the corner, X-Pac bounces out - into the opposite corner - he's warming it up - fat ass splash. X-Pac falls to the mat, and Rikishi perks right up. Hey I can shove my ass into his face, oh yeah - but X-Pac has it scouted and uppernuts him. X-Pac with a crossbody out of the corner - 1, 2, Rikishi kicks him out - right on top of referee "Blind" Teddy Long. X-Pac right, right, reversal into the corner, X-Pac tries to leap out with the Sunset flip - no, no, not to this guy. Buttdrop. And hey, since we're here, how about the ol' Banzai Drop? First, Rikishi signals to the back...but since Road Dogg does NOT come out, he pats his ass, climbs to the second rope - and squashes him. 1, 2, 3. Somebody must have held X-Pac's stash hostage. "You want this weed back? You go out there and job in a singles match!" And it's all good - Rikishi with the duke. (3:50)
Hey! It's the Rock! And he's WALKING!
Meanwhile, Christian is still telling the story of how they won the tag team titles, much to the chagrin of the bored movie stars. They ask again when they'll get to see the Rock. "But wait - he's TOTALLY getting to the best part!" Gangrel happens by and all three stars perk right up. They're huge fans, you see, being all Highlanderish and all. "You just wanna skip out on the story - you know NOTHING about Gangrel!" "Oh, we know nothing. You're talking of the superstar whose name derives from the ancient sect of vampires..." "...whose wolflike qualities of smell and quickness allow him to stalk his prey with ..how do they put it...'echoes of...' what is it?" "'Treachery.'" "'Treachery.'" "Guess what? I have...THE BOOK," and she produces a copy of "The Gangrel Story." --the hell? Gangrel: "I like frisbee, too." --THE HELL? Anyway, these three movie stars, who apparently hang out ALL the time, play frisbee every Saturday! Gangrel takes off with the movie stars. On the way out, Paul tells Edge one more time how he loves the glasses - and Christian again makes a "drat" pantomime. That was INCREDIBLY odd.
"Highlander: Endgame" ad #2
Crunch 'n Munch ad features Too Cool 'n Rikishi
And now, the WWF Burn of the Week, brought to you by Stacker 2! From RAW - last Monday, Shane swings from the scaffolding and Show gets put through a table.
WWF New York shill
AL SNOW & ERNEST MILLER (with Head & SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, 3DO's "Army Men: Air Combat," and Bally Total Fitness) v. PERRY & TERRI in a mixed tag - Snow and the Kat are teaming up, because - well, because Al Snow and the Kat are...they...well, shoot, I have NO IDEA why they're teaming up. I guess they didn't have anything better to do with 'em tonight. Hey, I was at Walgreen's the other night and saw the Masterlock in special WCW Saturn blister pak. You forget how SCARY Saturn looked when he had them white contacts in. He should consider going back to that look. Then he could punk out Lawler every time he says "puppies" in the five octaves high voice. Then he could turn on Terri and break her fingers so she never does that "horny little she-devil" thing again. Kat wants at Terri, but Snow holds her back - HE'LL start the match. Kat relents - but it was all a ruse, and she takes off after Terri. The chase is on outside the ring...Terri, Kat, referee "Blind" Jack Doan. Kat grabs Terri's ankle as she tries to get in the ring, and Doan has a nice waistlock on Kat at the same time. Finally, the women are separated just as Saturn lays into a distracted Snow with a forearm to the back. Elbow to the small of the back, nice leg sweep. Head to the buckle. Right, right, into the opposite corner, Snow springs out with a clothesline that gets ducked, *Saturn's* clothesline is ducked, Snow's clothesline hits. Right hand by Snow. Right. Into the ropes, back body drop. Stomp. Right. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Saturn, superkick, exploder. Saturn climbing the ropes - Snow over with a beal. Snow with a superkick of his own. Snow busts out a ...what's that, a Northern Lights hammerlock suplex? Golly! Cover - 1, 2, no. Snow with a knee, forearm, off the ropes, Saturn ducks, kick, off the ropes, duck, they collide in the middle of the ring. Snow asks Kat to toss him Head, but she throws a rainbow and it ends up in Saturn's hands. Snow ducks the Head shot, right, right, hey isn't that the Franchiser? Snow's just bustin' out all SORTS of neat stuff tonight. Anyway, Saturn drops head after the impact of the jawbreaker, and it rolls over to Terri. Kat tries to get in the ring and Doan is over to stop her, while behind his back Snow is demanding that Terri let go of Head. Instead, she waffles him with it. Terri crawls between Saturn's legs to escape, as Saturn hits a Northern Lights suplex proper and cradles - 1, 2, 3. (2:47) Kat finally gets her hands on Terri post-match, but Saturn ends the catfight by giving Kat the Super Wedgie. Snow over with a clothesline. Play Kat's music! Cole tells us that, like it or not, the issue between Kat and Terri is far from over....
The Undertaker pulls up on his Beautiful Titan Bike - and now...I can't believe it!! He's WALKING!
Meanwhile, Edge & Christian are wearing crazy-ass sunglasses - and they're WALKING!
Meanwhile, the Dudley Boyz are WALKING!
I guess I'm the *only* one that gets sick of seeing all this WALKING! because they're obviously no longer working to find any creativity to give us anything different...
And now, get ready for some Maximum Power, delivered by RC Edge Maxiumum Power cola! From Earlier Tonight, Foley announces the SummerSlam main event will be a triple threat match. WOW! Surely hearing such words again carries some sort of MAXIMUM POWER!
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ - the champs pause to say hello to THEM HIGHLANDER STARS, who appear to have refound their fandom of our champions. Planted sign right behind them says "HIGHLANDER ROCKS." Let Us Take You Back Two Weeks to RAW where Jeff Hardy ate a chair sandwich - and it didn't taste good. Too bad that the chairshot noise coincides EXACTLY with some fan screaming, because every time they replay the shot with sound you hear this "aaahhh" at the SAME time - very disconcerting and all. Our heroes have THE STICK: "Greetings to all of our fans in the Tri-state area! Although we have serious doubts that there's anybody in Jersey that can actually count to five...well, being the non-heinous individuals that we are, we're gonna go ahead and give you a very special five second pose anyway." "Seeing as MY movie, Highlander: Endgame comes out next month...it will make me a star of HUGE magnitutions. So, for the benefit of those with flash photography, we thought we'd give you our interpretation of the Oscars 2001." "In the category of an actor reeking of the most awesomeness, the envelope please. Ladies and gentlemen...the Oscar goes to...EDGE!" Edge's anxiousness gives way to surprise, and then tears of joy - and they strike the pose. As the Dudley Boyz enter, Real-time Cole says "over 17,891" (now THERE'S a round estimate) are in attendance before post-production Cole ticks off some upcoming dates, then laying out for real-time Cole to come back in. Christian and Buh-Buh Ray start - side headlock by Dudley, powered out, shoulderblock by Dudley. Up and over, off the ropes, hiptoss blocked, clothesline ducked, Christian with rights, into the ropes is reversed, avalanch by Dudley - into the opposite corner, Christian tries a clothesline but Dudley catches the arm, to a full nelson, to the atomic drop (or, if you're Cole, a "sitout powerbomb" - eych). Right to the head. Tag to D-Von, into the ropes, they press Christian up - and let him drop. D-Von covers for 2. Off the ropes where Edge sneaks in a tag, reversed, Christian drops down and D-Von flies over him AND clotheslines Edge! Right hand puts down Christian. Right for Edge, right puts HIM down. "Who's the man?" Well, *Vader's* the man, thanks for asking. Edge ducks a right hand, leaps over D-Von's head down, but eats the jumpin' back elbow. Lateral press - 2. Movie stars cheer for the champs. Right by D-Von, ready to run the ropes but Christian pulls the top rope and D-Von falls outside. Buh-Buh Ray tries to come in, but referee "Blind" Mike Chioda ain't having none of that. Edge goads him into further distracting the ref while Christian puts D-Von into the STEEL steps. Edge to the outside and putting the boots to Dudley. Chef Boyardee sponsors the low bridge Double Feature. Jeff Hardy will be back in action this Sunday on Heat - PRAISE BE TO GOD. Edge with a stomp and a tag. Christian with the boot to the open side. Scoop...and a slam. Tag to Edge. Stereo headbutts to opposite shoulders - Edge covers...for 2. Edge puts D-Von on the top turnbuckle, climbing up after him, right, Dudley shoves him away - shoulderblock from the top! Both men are down. Crowd spurs on the HOT TAG as both sides exchange. Buh-Buh Ray clotheslines Christian, and again, dropping Edge on the top rope, halted powerslam for Christian and hooks the leg...for 2. Buh-Buh Ray puts Christian on his shoulders for the Dudley Device, as D-Von comes off the top with a clothesline. THIS gets 2 - Edge saves it. Right for Christian, Edge put in the ropes, powerslam, "wassup" spot. Movie stars still rooting for the champs. "D-Von - get the table!" Edge has had enough of this - Christian having supplied him with a chair, Edge WHACKS Buh-Buh Ray in the back to draw the (DQ 4:28). The champs grab their belts and take off - stopping to pose on the ramp...allowing just enough time for the HARDY BOYZ to appear from the back, surprise them, and put them in the ring. Dudleys double neckbreaker Christian while Edge gets the Twist of Fate. And now THESE four men are having a staredown...the Dudleyz go outside for the table, while, on the opposite side, the Hardyz produce two ladders. Edge gets sandwiched by two Hardyz running with ladders - hey, that's dangerous! ("No, that's running with SCISSORS." "Oh. Sorry.") Each Hardy climbs a ladder on either side of Edge - there's a two storey splash/legdrop combo by the Hardyz on Edge. Meanwhile, Christian is being put into position for the table superbomb - boom. Play their music again! Movie stars boo. They don't seem to be in the majority tonight. Upside is they DO still have the titles. Here's a replay of the table bomb.
SummerSlam promo. Say...that's not Terri at all! That's Trish Stratus! How come NONE of you wrote me to tell me I'd misidentified the woman on the left? Anyway, the continuity point (which WAS the point) still stands - how can Trish and Chyna (instead of Terri and Kat) act so chummy when we KNOW they have such burning issues between them?
Moments Ago - chair - ladders - table
TAZZZZZZZZZ v. CRASH - Lawler: "Ahh...gimme a break." Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Tazz asked Ross where his God was now, then Lawler unleashed his potent right hand. Tazz decides to skip the ring and go directly over to the commentary table where a pair of kings sit - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. Tazz doesn't have a mic, but he talks loudly enough for Lawler's headset to pick it up. "Let me tell you something - you sucker punched the wrong guy! You just entered a world you know nothing about - a world you can't deal with. So, you wanna play hero. You wanna rescue old Frozen Face JR! Well...you, my man, will pay a heavy, heavy price!" "Is that right?" "Yeah, that's right!" Lawler stands up - and Tazz brains him with a metal water pitcher. Lawler actually *blades* from the shot! Ring flowerpot Lilian Garcia says the forbidden name "Holly" when introducing Crash. Lawler, having come to, hits the ring and starts punching Tazz - Tazz fires back. The referee corps tries to seperate them - Lawler takes off after him again and knocks him out of the ring. Crash is content to play lumberjack, rolling Tazz back in for Lawler to beat up some more. The referees and officials aren't exactly getting it done here - finally, after Lawler puts Tazz over the barricade, they manage to get them separated. Let's take a break.
Oh yeah.... (no contest)
That UPN 44 Discovery Guide has Too Cool and Rikishi on the cover - and the Rock just behind them. It's scary who is over where, isn't it?
Moments Ago - what, you weren't watching? Well, you don't DESERVE this replay. Well, here it is anyway. Lawler walked off under his own power. Cole will fly solo this segment.
RIGHT TO CENSOR (with Steven Richards) v. TOO COOL - Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Goodfather did that table thing with that fine lookin' ho. Ahh, Richards joins Cole for colour. A coworker of mine was so in shock that savethehos.com was available that he immediately signed up for it - no website yet, but I hear you can get an email address pretty cheap. Richards says that as much as it pained him to do what they did, it was what they had to do, and the end result is one less person picketing the cause of morality in the WWF. Buchanan and Sexay start - knee, right by Buchanan. Right. Right. Right, left, right, left, into the opposite corner, running into the superkick. Second rope dropkick. Cole tries to play Mike Wallace. Richards says that he and the Right to Censor are willing to do anything - ANYTHING - for their cause. I guess it's an "ends justify the means" bit. Double gutshot, dancin', taking him to the mat, patty cake patty cake, double elbowdrop. Buchanan manages an uppercut on Hotty, and makes the tag to the Goodfather. Doubleteam. Into the ropes, shoulderblock. "Mr. Cole, you have a family. You have a wife - you have children. Think about them. Think about what we are trying to do for them. We are not your enemies. We are your friends." Off the ropes, Hotty slides under, ducks the clothesline, Sexay in without a tag, double dropkick. Buchanan dumped to the outside, but he holds on. Cole gives righteous indignation. He'll be responsible for what his children watch, not them. "Mr. Cole, America is on the brink of moral destruction. We are not here to further that - we are here to save this country." Buchanan, ready to skin the cat, takes Sexay over the top rope with a headscissors, then skins the cat proper. ON the outside, Goodfather drops Sexay on the barricade throat first. Cole asks who died and made him boss. "We are taking our moral responsibility as Americans - as human beings! Maybe a couple rights here and there may be taken away, but it is for the good of the higher cause. And that, my friend, is part of being a part of the Right to Censor. And we are but three men, we are not saying we are doing it alone. We need your help - people like you, Michael Cole. People like the people here in America." Goodfather and Sexay staying in - I guess I missed those tags. Goodfather pounding away on him in the corner. Tag to Buchanan. Into the ropes, double big boot. Cover - 2. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes with an elbwdrop. Cole brings up their preaching of nonviolence while putting people through tables. "I don't get it - I don't get it. I really don't get it." "Maybe if you opened your eyes - maybe if you look objectively at what we are trying to do, you will realise that we are only trying to help you." Back to the ring, Buchanan into the ropes by both members of Too Cool - double atomic drop. All four men are in the ring and don't ask me who's legal - we've been watching Richards too long. Sexay with a crossbody on Buchanan that takes both of them to the outside. Goodfather punching Hotty in the ring - into the corner. Cole asks how he turned the Godfather into the Goodfather. "Mr. Goodfather is a man with a good heart and a good soul - and it was just hidden under all that filth." Meanwhile, Hotty sidesteps the (not) Ho Train splash, then comes off the ropes with a bulldog. As he makes the "I'm gonna do the Worm" face, Buchanan comes in and tries to stop him - Hotty ducks the clothelsine, and Sexay gives him a gutshot, head to the turnbuckle, kicking him as Hotty goes into the windup. "How can you not enjoy this? This is entertainment!" "I am not and never will be a big fan of the Worm, Mr. Cole." The Worm hits. "Disgusting." Into the ropes, Godfather kicks Hotty and clothesline Sexay. Buchanan, from the top rope, hits a super (sorta) axe kick to the back of Hotty's head. Cover - 1, 2, 3. (4:02) "Very acceptible - very, very acceptible. You cannot tell me, Mr. Cole, that that Worm is not pornographic and sexual in nature, and if I have anything to say about it, it will also be censored here in the World Wrestling Federation!" Man, it would have been funny for Cole to start going "yeah...you know, that makes sense," and by the end of the segment, he'd have been brainwashed. Of course, that would mean that Cole would have to display PERSONALITY, and we all know how they love to let him do THAT. I guess it'll be left to Howard Finkel to take that job, right?
Joe visits Kurt Angle - the boys are talking again. They're saying that in tonight's tag team match, Angle doesn't have to worry about Undertaker OR the Rock - when he least expects it, Triple H is gonna take HIM apart. Angle thanks him...and ponders this.
Lawler, all bandaged up, makes his return. "What? I'm fine, it's gonna take more than a street thug like Tazz to get me off my show, I'll tell you that right now, and if he wants to come back out here and get some more, bring him on. ... Well, and the guy's an idiot, okay? You know what, I'm out here - my job is to talk, I say whatever I want to about anybody I want to - his job is to be in that ring out there fightin' somebody, but he even wants to fight the talker, that's fine. I can talk a good fight, and I can fight a good fight."
Here's an exterior shot of the Meadowlands Sports Complex - and the Continental Airlines Arena. Hey, look over there - that's the Meadowlands Stadium, and it will host the New York XFLs starting in February!
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: ALBERT (with XFL ticket information and Trish Stratus - the fitness) v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) - Test is out with a sprained ankle, we are told. Albert with a kick, forearm, right, into the ropes, Blackman ducks, kick, kick, right, right, right, off the ropes but into a sidewalk slam from Albert. Albert with a bicycle kick...and going outside to find some international objects. Garbage can in the ring, lid, Blackman's black bag, chair, fire extinguisher...coming up later: we talk to the ho and get an update on her injury status. Oh boy! If Russo were writing this, this piece would be a setup for her to join the RTC in a SHOCKING swerve. Blackman takes a lid to the head. And again. Albert with the can - but misses. Blackman puts Albert's head to the can. Kicking the can into Albert's ... shin? HARDCORE INNOVATION! Eh. Blackman lifts the can into an uppercut on Albert's chin - yikes. Blackman takes the chair and sets it up - right hand, right, Albert holds onto the whip attempt, gutshot, DDT *on the chair.* 1, 2, KICKOUT!! Albert grabs the kendo stick...but misses, hitting the top rope instead. Blackman produces his batons and starts swinging. Albert: "Whoaaaaaa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. You put it down, I'll put it down. You put it down and I'll put mine down." Blackman lowers his sticks - Albert tries to run at him. Big mistake. Blackman ducks the swing and rapidly puts the sticks to Albert's body, culminating in a stick between the shoulderblades. Going for the stick between the legs slam, but Albert had that one scouted, and takes the garbage can lid to Blackman's head. And there's another lid shot. Albert going for the fire extinguisher - the shot misses when Blackman unleashes some kicks. Blackman gets the extinguisher and sprays Albert. He's getting intense! Blackman with the kendo stick - on the apron - and to the floor, RIGHT between the eyes. Cover on the floor - 1, 2, 3. (3:18) BALD VENIS surprises Blackman with a kendo stick to the back. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, right, right. Right. Right. Into Albert, who hits the Albert bomb (double choke bomb). Play T&A's music!
Joe meets up with Triple H - he wants to let him know what the boys are saying. H speculates that maybe they're saying that he doesn't have to worry about the Undertaker or the Rock, he should be worried about Angle. (Wow, was he watching the monitor?) Joe says this doesn't have anything to do with Kurt - it's got to do with Shane. Shane's obsessed with controlling the WWF championship, and "the boys are starting to say that he'd sell his own sister down the river just to control it. Shane is where your problem is."
Meanwhile, Jericho knocks on the garage door marked "COMMISSIONER" - it rises up to reveal Foley playing with a shovel. "Down goes Race - down goes - hey! Just thinking about my turn back in '93" Jericho takes the shovel to various items in the - what is this, the bed of a semi? - by way of punctuating his demands for a match with Benoit. Foley says he can't give him Benoit tonight, because he knows he's gonna tear him apart. He's got to save that match for SummerSlam. Jericho says he'll try not to snap until SummerSlam and storms off. "See ya, Chris!"
The Whack of the Night, brought to you by Whacko Tobacco, is Goodfather's table bomb of a ho - from last Monday on RAW.
Our commentators have some words about that poor young lady.
JONATHAN COACHMAN catches up with VICTORIA, who suffered some severe back trauma - but will be released tomorrow. Was her protesting in vain? "You know, what we're fighting for is what we believe in, and how we dress is how we express our individuality, and what Steven Richards is doing - it's wrong! And for him to preach to the world that he's trying to get a better place - and on the other hand by attacking us for what we believe in - he's wrong, and I'll make sure that I appeal to Commissioner Foley and make sure he's punished for what he did. I'm gonna sue the b(beep)d!" Yeah - the answer to most of life's problems *is* litigation, you know. Coachman asks for their views on censorship. The other (as yet unnamed) ho answers: "You know, I thought the Constitution provided us with certain rights and liberties - but, if Steven Richards gets away with this, then maybe I was wrong!" If you're not imaging this being said with a valley girl accent, then it's not as unintentionally funny as it COULD be - try again. Golly, those hookers have hearts of gold, don't they?
Stephanie and Triple H are met by Shane and Kurt Angle. "Gee, isn't this nice, my PARTNERS are here." Shane: "Partner." "Whatever. I bet you guys are here to STRATEGIZE." "I don't need to strategize, all right? I'm the one with the gold medals. I'll do my share of the bargain, you just better hold up yours." "Gold medals, whoop de doo. And I BET you've got a plan. I'm sure you've got a plan, but don't you worry about it, all right? 'cause I've got this all under control, and HE'S my problem right here." Angle slaps away his pointing finger, and Shane says "chill out" another thousand times. No, actually, he doesn't. Anyway, Shane says that he won't be out with them, because he won't let this get in the way of his relationship with his sister, "and Steph...I suggest you do the same." And he leaves. "You know what - Hunter - Shane's right. I mean, the two of you - I've tried to calm you guys down, and I can't do anything, so I'm gonna let you two work this out on your own." And SHE takes off. "You see what you've done?" "I didn't do anything-- you're raising your voice." "You're damn right I'm raising my voice!"
Meanwhile, KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands in the presence of the Rock. Is he at all concerned about the prospect of having to face both Kurt Angle AND Triple H at SummerSlam? "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to New Jersey! Kevin Kelly, let the Rock answer your question with a question of his own. Do you have two sets of equally working genitals?" "I beg your pardon?" "You know, Kevin, do you have both male AND female genitalia?" "Rock, that's a ridiculous question--" "JUST AS RIDICULOUS as you implying that the Rock is concerned with who he faces at SummerSlam, whether it's Kurt Angle, whether it's Triple H, or whether it's this hermaphrodite himself, Kevin Kelly, it doesn't make a damn bit of difference--" "Rock! I beg your pardon! I want to let you know I have one perfectly functioning set of genital--" "Keep your mouth shut, Hermy! You have one set of absolutely nothing. Because the Rock's not thinking about SummerSlam - the Rock is thinking about tonight. Triple H, Kurt Angle, the American Badass, the Brahma Bull. And trust the Rock on this one: the Rock could care less about your marital problems. Stephanie, whether or not you trust Triple H. Triple H, whether or not you trust Kurt Angle. What you can trust is this: you can trust that the Rock, the Brahma Bull and the American Badass, the Undertaker are gonna layeth the smacketh down on allllllllllllll your candyasses! (Oh hell yeah? Crowd chants "Rock E") If ya smellllllllllllalalalowww what the Rock is cookin'."
Shane tells Kurt Angle to focus on his match. Angle tells Shane he understands his position - "if anybody understands family values, it's me." Shane takes off.
Let Us Take You Back to Monday where two men got the pin on one - then the Rock came in and did a bunch of stuff, not the least of which was put Stephanie in Rock Bottom.
KING KURT ANGLE and THE NEW MAN (with Chef Boyardee - he brings you SummerSlam 27 August!) v. THE GHOST RIDER (WALKING?!? - with Let Us Take You Back To RAW) and LA ROCA - we are told that nobody knows when the Big Show will be back. Entrances eat up about four minutes. Tim White is your referee - perhaps Earl Hebner got the night off to be with his brother? Angle and H both stand on the apron, having a disagreement about who will start - Undertaker and Rock both run over and pull them into the ring by the head over he top rope. Undertaker beats up on Angle while Rock shows off his staggering variety of punches on Triple H, culminating in H flying over the top rope to the floor. Angle eats a big soupbone. Head to the buckle. Irish whip into the opposite corner, followup clothesline. Into the ropes, big boot. Off the ropes with an elbowdrop - cover gets 2. Undertaker just did a lot of different consecutive moves, isn't that CRAZY? Off the ropes, clothesline. Sidewalk slam. MR. MOVESET! 1, 2, H breaks it up. Undertaker shoots H a look - then turns back around into a prolonged face rake by Angle. Angle with a right, right, right, tag to Triple H, point to H, then running right into a double choke. Put in the corner, tag to Rock. Simultaneous rights/soupbones. Six or seven. Angle comes in - but they both have eyes in the back of their head, turn, and put HIM down with a tandem punch. Rock turns back to take a shot from Triple H. Into the ropes, reversed, Rock with a ... let's call it a hiptoss and just assume it looks weird. Gutshot, DDT. Rock covers - 1, 2, no. I guess Rock's all "hey Undertaker, you're not gonna show ME up with all your fancy VARIETY - lookit THIS!" Into the ropes, head down, H with a facebuster. Running clothesline. Tag to Angle. Some more words between the partners. Rock pops up with a clothesline for Angle, a shot for H, Angle ducks the next one and hits a death suplex. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, head to the buckle, right, right, right, right, H gets the tag as we see STEPHANIE ONO walk down the aisle to ringside. H puts Rock's head in the corner, kick, stomp, standing on the neck for 4. Going for the right, but I think he saw his wife and was distracted - Rock blocks, right, right, right, right, whip into the ropes is reversed, Stephanie holds the ankle - Rock turns around and grabs Stephanie's hair - Angle is over to try to help Stephanie as H gets in a lick from behind. Again rock Blocks the punch - right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, duck, high knee from H hits. 1, 2, no. Tag to Angle. Open kick. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, vertical suplex, 1, 2, kickout. Angle chokes away. H keeps calling to Kurt for some reason - Angle's ignoring him. Block, right, right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THE - no, Angle ducks it. Maybe Rock should stop spitting in his hand, it's starting to NEVER land. Angle switches places with him in the corner and HE punches. Right. Rock holds onto the whip attempt out of the corner, turns it around, Rock Bottom attempt, Angle elbows out of it. Angle with a belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Staying on him - tag to H - open kick. Kick, Rock punches back, punch to Angle, right to H, right, H ducks the clothesline and reaches back for the neckbreaker. Into the ropes, head down, Rock with a swinging neckbreaker - 1, 2, Angle in, Rock off, Angle lands on H. H gets up - and shoves Angle down. H gives a "to hell with you" and walks off up the ramp. Meanwhile, Rock makes a HIDDEN HOT TAG to Undertaker, who comes in and clocks Angle with a soupbone - and another soupbone! Into the ropes, clothesline. Into the ropes, big back body drop. Stephanie is begging her husband to go back and help - but he ain't movin'. Soupbone takes Angle to the outside. H is outta here...but Stephanie decides to come back to try to at least give some moral support to Angle. Rock meets her at the bottom of the ramp. Turning around to Angle, rock punches him and serves him up to the 'taker - it's time to take the Last Ride. Or, as I like to call it, the Last Wedgie. 1, 2, 3. (7:32) Stephanie comes into the ring to check on Angle - that's probably a bad idea. Undertaker has her by the hair. H is back out as Undertaker shoves Stephanie into a Rock Bottom attempt - but H is just in time to throw an elbow and break THAT up. Stephanie is put outside the ring - and H ends up on the wrong end of a chokeslam. For an encore, Rock busts out the People's Elbow on Triple H. Play his music! Ten hours of "Homicide" on Sunday if you don't feel like the pay-per-view - at least catch the movie. I'll see ya NEXT week!