/24 August 2000
This report is specially typed for Kyle Culpepper!
The Rock Says Layeth the Smacketh Down If Ya Smell What The Rock Is Cookin' U P N UPN Thursday!
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Highlight package from RAW include highlights of LAST SmackDown! and center mostly around the up-and-down relationship between Triple H and Kurt Angle, but also spotlight Stephanie's title loss to Lita
Opening Credits - Close Captions by the National Caption Institute
Pyro, crowd. Crowd, pyro. Via tape and en espanol donde sea disponible, this is the Unnamed Arena in New Orleans, LA 24.8.2K (taped 22.8) - THIS - iiiiiis SmackDown!
A distraught, beltless, possibly braless STEPHANIE ONO hits the ring to open the show. "All my life I've been a fighter. Everything I've ever accomplished in this world, I've done on my own. I've truly earned all that I have. Which makes it all the more tragic...how I was ROBBED of my WWF Women's Championship last Monday night on RAW. Mick Foley - the man my mother hired to be the fair and just commissioner in the World Wrestling Federation. What a joke! Mick, you had one simple assignment - to choose a fair-- ["Slut!"] to choose a fair, just, and impartial referee, and Mick, you couldn't even do that. Who did you choose? You picked the Rock! Oh, sure, cheer the Rock. Everybody loves Rocky! ["Rock E!"] Well, if it...["I said Rock E!"] If it wasn't for the Rock, I would still be YOUR WWF Women's Champion! I held the Women's Championship for four months, twenty-five days, twenty-two hours and forty-seven minutes, and I always carried the championship with dignity, honour and pride, and now - who is your Women's Champion? A - a tattooed lowlife, low-class BIMBO! And Mick Foley...I don't want an apology...I don't want your sympathy...I demand a rematch here tonight, and I'm not leaving until I get it!" But it's not Lita, it's not Foley, it's KING KURT ANGLE, obviously out here to show off his red warmup pants. "I just wanna say a couple things. Stephanie, as you know, I am an Olympic Gold medalist. I cherish these medals, these medals around my neck, I cherish them as if they were my own children (if in fact I had children). And Stephanie, I realise you felt the exact same way about the WWF Women's title. Am I not wrong?" "You're right. It's true!" "So - It's true!" "It's true." "So I have one thing to say. Shame on you, Mick Foley! Shame on you for what you did to my friend. And to the Rock, well, I'd expect something like that from a no-class character like the Rock, but you, Mick...oh, it's true. But you, Mick, you know better than that. You definitely know better than that. I mean, to pick the Rock as an impartial official is about as ridiculous as a vile, disgusting, filthy city like New Orleans calling its football team the Saints! It's true...it's DAMN true! ["Boo! Ass Hole!"] And Stephanie, you're absolutely right for blaming Mick Foley and the Rock...but there's one other person that deserves just as much, and if not more of the blame. And I hate to say it Steph, because I know he's your husband, but that man is Triple H. I mean, if Triple H wasn't such a hothead, I mean if Triple H wasn't so insecure and paranoid, and we know that, and to be honest Steph, if Triple H were a better husband, then he would have allowed me extra time to show you--" Damn, is THE NEW MAN trying to knock down a wall with his forehead or what? I haven't seen that kind of power walking since Jonathan Frakes on TNG (hey Scaia). H breaks into a full-on gallop, then hits the ring and actually shoves Angle through the ropes and out of the ring. Shirts are doffed (no - Steph's stays on) but before this can escalate further, it's time for one *more* entrance...COMMISSIONER McFOLEY. He's wearing his old homemade ref shirt over his Mankind T. "Hey, would you two knock it off? We got SummerSlam coming up - stop bickering among yourselves! This isn't about either of you - it is about Stephanie." "That's right, Mick. And you know when you booked the Rock as the referee that was supposed to be fair and just and impartial, you knew you were setting me up." "That's not true, Stephanie, that's not true. I didn't know-- ["Fo Ley"] I didn't know that I was setting you up, but in retrospect, after having a few days to think about my decision, I realise maybe the Rock wasn't a completely impartial referee. I was going through my closet just the other day - I came across this very special shirt. And I remembered the respect with which the referee's position should be held. Maybe you don't want an apology or my sympathy, but I'm going to give you both. Because as the person that your mother selected to be the commissioner of the WWF, I want your respect. And deep down, Stephanie, I also want you to like me. Which is why, when I was going through my closet, I found this shirt...I also found these." Foley reveals that he has two medals around his neck as well. "I decided that I would wear them because I know that you're attracted to men who wear gold medals around their neck. It's true, it's true. THIS one was for being best camper in the eighth grade, and this one was for winning a pie-eating contest two years ago. So with that being said, Stephanie, I'd like to say that I've heard your pleas for a rematch, and I feel inclined to grant that rematch, right here in New Orleans, Louisiana. Wait wait wait wait - but I also understand that there's nothing more than Kurt Angle and Triple H would like than to get a piece of the Rock tonight! So I'm going to book a mixed tag team match between Kurt Angle, Stephanie and Triple H against Lita and the Rock! Oh, wait, I'm sorry - no, that's three against two, and I think, Stephanie, that you would understand that that would be unsportsmanlike. It's going to have to be two against two, but because this night is, indeed, all about you, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, I'm not going to decide which wrestler (Triple H or Kurt Angle) sits this one out - I'm going to let YOU decide. So let your decision be a wise one, because whoever you pick will join you In That Very Ring to face Lita and the Rock! Have a nice day!"
So, if I rip out that cigarette ad, and I find out later that the rest of an article I REALLY wanted to read was on the other side, can I sue thetruth.com? No, because if I ACTUALLY ripped pages out of my magazines, I'd be AN IDIOT and I'd DESERVE to not get to finish the article
The Rock makes a special appearance at the Source Awards - and they air Tuesday on UPN! Afterwards, they'll not only be serving PUNCH, but TIME
Triple H tells Stephanie that this is the perfect scenario - he gets to kick the Rock's ass while she gets a piece of Lita. Time to talk strategy! Stephanie says that they need one more person around to talk strategy, and that's Angle. H proclaims how tired he is of all this, and Stephanie asks him to not be so hot-headed. She asks him if it wouldn't help if he had Angle on his side against the Rock, and he reluctantly admits that she's right. "All right - talk to him - all right?"
GOODFATHER (with Steven Richards & Wall Buchanan) v. RIKASHMONEY - Let Us Take You Back to RAW when Kane put a chair to Rikishi's skull, Too Cool's save was aborted by an RTC run-in, and a top-rope superfluous scissor legdrop by Buchanan on Rikishi. Richards is quite good with the facial expressions, wot? 'kishi's music stops at the top of the ramp because the big man has THE STICK: "Steven Richards...Right to Censor...do you actually think you can cover up Rikishi? Well, let me show you what you're going to face." He checks - yup, he's still a big'un. "And I mean...face...at SummerSlam." 'kishi does a 180 and lifts his robe to reveal...oy. Various reactions from the RTC folk are quite humourous. "And one more thing...you gonna thing I do this match alone? Oh no, not a chance. You see, I got two very personal friends of mine. And Goodfather, you know these two very well. You see, Rikishi's gonna do what every man wants to do in America...and that's save the..." Crowd: "Ho's!" "Save - the..." "Ho's!" The Godfather's music and Ovaltron video fire up and out walks VICTORIA & THE OTHER ONE. Goodfather - and it should be noted that he's no longer a fun-loving guy who loves to have fun - quickly runs up the ramp to meet (and beat) Rikishi. The ho's decide NOT to walk arm-in-arm with the sumo master, opting to hang back at the top of the ramp as the combatants make their way to the ring. Goodfather meets the STEEL steps in the first non-punch of this match. Rolled in and referee "Blind" Teddy Long calls for the opening bell. Rikishi with a clothesline. Into the ropes, another clothesline. Right, into the opposite corner, Goodfather busts out with a clothesline of his own. Tonight, Steve Blackman teams with Eddie Guerrero & Chyna against Stable Stratus! Also, Chris Jericho teams with the Hardy Boyz against Chris Benoit, Edge, and Christian. We don't see what's going on in the ring because we're busy watching Richards and Buchanan stalk the ladies at ringside. TOO COOL are out at this point, making the human wall between these four. The men in ties back off. Back to the ring, where Goodfather's quasi-superkick connects. Goodfather with a straight right, right, right, off the ropes...into a Samoan Drop. Rikishi warms it up - then hits the fat ass splash. Superkick by Rikishi. Climbing to the second rope - Cole might call it the Rikishi Squash, but Kevin Kelly and I call it the Banzai Drop! 1, 2, 3. (1:27) Buchanan tries to hit the ring, but Too Cool drag him back to the floor and they tussle - Goodfather joining in after rolling out. Meanwhile, Richards MAKES it to the ring, and climbs on Rikishi's back. Rikishi counters the sleeperhold by backing it up into a corner. Richards flumps down and I have a feeling ...no, Buchanan pulls him outside and saves him. Better save that spot for SummerSlam, when the RTC takes on Rikishi & Too Cool! Too Cool and the ho's hit the ring - shades all around. NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! Lawler sneaks in some Lugz plugz.
Backstage, Guerrero tells Chyna they're gonna kick some T&A tonight. Chyna might be looking ahead to Sunday, though - she wants some o' Trish. Reminding us that the winner of the fall ALSO gets the Intercontinental title, each person takes a turn telling the other that they'd really like THEM to win the title. So unselfish! So ... PHONY. Come ON. All this mushy shit'll KILLYA.
"It doesn't MATTER what else is on!" Rock wants you to watch the Source Awards - Tuesday on UPN!
Metacuts makes YOU the Game! (What game...tiddlywinks?)
I think what *I* want to know is how they're gonna drag the Source Awards out to two hours if all that fighting took place after only five awards. Maybe I heard it wrong, though. If I actually had some 'Net access at home, I could probably find out. Oh well. This hasn't been my week...a power outage on Monday and an SBC DSL line out on Thursday. Someone's trying to TELL me something...
And now, the Fastest Slam of the Week...hand-delivered to you via Western Union Money Transfer! From last Monday, Steve Blackman is GREVIOUSLY robbed of the hardcore title.
V & T & A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) and EDDIE GUERRERO & THAT SLUT CHYNA - Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Chyna interfered...then paid the price. Tonight after SmackDown!, turn to MTV to watch the "Countdown to SummerSlam" - if you missed it, don't worry. They'll replay it about fifty times between now and Sunday. Backstage, we notice that Shane is watching on a monitor - the Hardcore belt slung over his shoulder. Oops, shouldn't turn your backs to Stable Stratus - all three men jump their opponents from behind and it's on. Blackman into the ropes, ducking a double clothesline, then taking out BOTH Test and Albert with a dropkick! Blackman knocks down Venis - looks like they'll start. Head to the buckle - right, right, right, tag to Chyna. Open kick, elbow, elbow, into the ropes, Venis holds on, buries a knee in the gut, off the ropes, clothesline by Chyna. Tag to Guerrero. Double suplex on Venis. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp - referee "Blind" Jack Doan pulls him off. Errr, hasn't Guerrero ALREADY held gold? How quickly we forget! Venis runs into a Guerrero clothesline. Backstage, we see that Foley has met with Shane - he tells him that should he interfere in this match, he'll book the Hardcore return bout *tonight* instead of SummerSlam. Come to think of it, that'll stand if Shane interferes in ANY match tonight. Hey, you think they taped this bit long after the show was in the can to explain a Tuesday absence? Back to the ring where Venis has apparently turned it around - God forbid we miss some exciting acting backstage by watching in-ring action, eh? Into the ropes, back elbow, elbowdrop, cover...2. Venis picks him up - going for a backdrop, but Eddie flips backwards and lands on his feet, ducks a clothesline, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, duck, heads collide in the center and both men are down. Everybody reaches for a tag - Test and Blackman get them. Duck, thrust kick, dropkick for Venis, duck and spin kick for Albert, Venis connects with the clothesline. It's breaking down now as Chyna comes in as well - elbow for Venis, elbow - what, those are FOREARMS? Well, there's another one, whatever it is. Clothesline takes him outside. Meanwhile, Blackman eats an Albert charge, then a big boot from Test. 1, 2, Chyna saves. On the outside, Guerrero is beating up Venis, but Trish is over and it looks like she's got a pair o' 'chuks in her hand. Chyna outside and grabbing Stratus by the hair...but Albert is up behind HER and connecting with a big clubbing forearm to the back. Stomp. Venis puts Guerrero in the post. Albert stomps away on Guerrero. Looking back in the ring, Test and Blackman are trading punches, again, again, we look outside where Chyna is turning the tide on Albert as Doan watches on...because, behind HIS back, Venis has the weaponry and is coming in to use it. Unfortunately for him, his swing at Guerrero misses when he ducks - and he ends up cracking Test instead! Blackman delivers a superkick to Venis, hides the 'chuks and hooks Test's leg - 1, 2, 3! (3:24) Blackman's music plays while he stuffs them in his pants. Hey, is that a deadly weapon of the martial arts in your pants, or are you happy to see me?
To the dressing room we go, where Angle makes his case on why an Olympic Gold medalist would be a better partner than a hothead who needs some anger management. Stephanie promises to think about it.
Meanwhile, Tazz stands over a graffito'd car and begs the person in the passenger seat to get outta the car. A brief look at our confused pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER - at the commentary table - who's in the car? Maybe we'll find out in about five minutes!
But first...I MUST tell you that Rikishi & Too Cool eat Crunch 'n Munch
And there's a WWF RC Edge Maximum Power poster collection
And finally, the UPN 44 Discovery Guide contains information on how you can win tickets to the next WWF San Jose house show!
When we come back, Tazz is tagging the car with a "13." "You see...being from New York, I'm used to spraying stuff. Hey Lawler, this car look familiar?" Lawler now recognises it as his rental. "Maybe you oughta get in the ring and get a closer look. It's your rent-a-car? Is that what you said? Everything's funny, right King? Everything's a joke to the funny man!" Lawler says tagging his rental will upset Hertz, not him. "Well, I'll tell you what, Happy. ...let me ask you this. Is this funny?" The camera finally is allowed to pan over to a shot where we can ID the passenger - it's GOOD OL' JR. "Who the hell do you think you are?" "Is that funny? Is that funny, Lawler? It's good old JR! Are ya laughin' now, Lawler? Is it a joke now? Get out - I'll split your head open...like a watermelon!" Ross closes the car door and locks it. "You're lockin' the door, huh? Let me in this car - open the door! Open the damn door! Oh...you gonna lock yourself in! All right - hey, Lawler! Watch THIS!" And he smashes the window with a pipe. Yikes! Lawler, realising that Steve Austin isn't here to save Ross now, decides HE'D better run to the back.
Let Us Take You Back Twenty Seconds
Backstage, Lawler has caught up to Tony Garea and Jim Ross - Ross is doing the old "glass in the eye" selljob with bright red blood contrasting with his bright white WWF shirt. Tazz returns and punks out the distracted Lawler from behind. The refs and officials pull a laughing Tazz away.
Maybe it's just a coincidence, but that ad for the Source hip hop awards we keep seeing...with that "ET" interview of Coolio...well...you KNOW "ET" is a *Paramount* show, right? You get where I'm going with that?
Chyna shills Stacker 2 - and a frizzy hairdo
And THIS ad for "Highlander: Endgame" does NOT feature Edge
Moments Ago, Tazz breaks that window for a third time - then attacks Lawler for a second time. We've had about eight minutes of ads in the past ten, you know.
"During the Break," the EMT's try to attend to Ross' glass in the eye - you can almost hear Cole wonder aloud if maybe *he* could get that cushy PPV PBP assignment if Ross is blinded - what a greedy, greedy man. He's ALREADY got the prestigious Radio WWF hosting job
CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO has a few words to share with the crowd. "Chris Ben Oit. Over the last month, I have developed an intense hatred for you, and that's why I can't wait for the chance to settle our differences at SummerSlam in the two-out-of-three fall match. And you would think that you could grasp that simple concept - I mean, you think that a light bulb would have gone off in that toothless head of yours, and you would have said to yourself (monotone) 'Wow at SummerSlam I get to face Chris Jericho in a one on one match in the ring I'm so happy." But you haven't grasped that concept, because ever since that match was announced, you have interfered in every single one of my matches. But you see, Junior, I'm not a hard guy to find. I'm easy. I'll fight you anywhere you want, and that's why my friends in the truck and myself put together this little something to help you clearly understand the point. Like I said, Benoit, I'll fight you anywhere. I will fight Chris Benoit in the ring (picture of Benoit standing in the ring), and Chris Benoit in the back (picture of Benoit and Shane McMahon WALKING!). I will fight Chris Benoit on a boat (picture of a man rowing a boat with Benoit's head superimposed - Cole forces a chuckle to let us know it's funny) OR Chris Benoit with a goat (picture of Benoit's head superimposed on a cherub in overalls riding a goat)! Chris Benoit when the score is tied (picture of Benoit's head superimposed on a New York Yankee swinging a baseball bat) - or Chris Benoit as a blushing bride (picture of Benoit's head superimposed on Darva Conger's body - well, maybe not)...that one's my favourite too, I love that one. I will fight Chris Benoit while he is taking a quiz (picture of Benoit with a dunce hat added and "Y2J IS GREAT" repeatedly written as if on a chalkboard behind him), or Chris Benoit as the total JACKASS that he is (picture of Benoit's head on a horse's body - with rider). You see, Junior, I will fight you any day, because, baby, I am Y2J!" Here to offer a counterpoint is CHRIS BENOIT, fresh from his tour of the House of Sarcastic Clapping People. "Chris Jericho, I've got to hand it to you. YOU are a pret-ty funny guy. And I'm glad you're gettin' all your kicks out now, because at SummerSlam, your wit, your humour, and all the funny pictures in the world aren't gonna do a DAMN thing for you. You know, I consider myself to be a pretty funny guy, too, and when I heard you were putting together this, ah, little montage, well I decided to prepare a picture myself - and it is...a kuhlassic. I laugh every time I look at it, and I like to call this picture 'Y2J loses consciousness at the hands of the Crossface'. Heheheheheheheh. A picture says a thousand words, and THAT is the only picture that matters! Because at SummerSlam, and as you'll find out tonight in the six-man tag, *I* am the best damn technical wrestler in the WWF! And not you...or anyone else can do a thing about it. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong!" "Well, the only thing that you've proven to me is that you have a total lack of imagination, 'cause that picture wasn't funny, it was lame, it didn't even rhyme! But I do agree with you on one point, I can't WAIT for our match at SummerSlam, and I can't WAIT for our match right here tonight on SmackDown! So, remember this, Junior, the Walls of Jericho will cause you a lotta pain, and when I'm through with you, you will never....EEEEEVER...be the same...agayne!" God damn - why isn't Vince McMahon PUSHING these guys? Can ANYONE answer me this?!? (Preferably in a Delphi forum...)
Backstage, DX are WALKING! X-Pac is trying to apologise for his headbutt all the way through the table from Monday. Dogg's not receptive to another "I'm sorry," and he doesn't want to think about Sunday. Tonight, it's about the Undertaker. They shake hands...and then hear a rumble off in the distance. It's the Undertaker - and he's DRIVING! Both men manage to step back and avoid getting run over in the hallway...
It's a triple threat matchup for the WWF Championship! But is there more on the line than the title? SummerSlam is SUNDAY!
The Rock reminds you ...and me, I guess...that the Source hip hop awards are TUESDAY - ONLY ON UPN!
Here's an exterior shot of ...umm, they never DID tell me what the name of this building was. Don't write and tell me, I don't care.
Earlier Today, the Acolytes and Kaientai hit a karaoke bar. Taka knows all the words to "You Give Love a Bad Name" and Funaki knows some of them. Much of the crowd boos...until Bradshaw rises and tells them to shut up and sit down, 'cause those boys are great! Bradshaw actually works up a lather and ends up slobbering down his date's cleavage. Ewwww, gross! Faarooq: "You gotta admit, those guys are a lotta fun." Bradshaw: "They sound like Pavarotti! He's from Japan, isn't he?" "Man, no, Pavarotti is from Alabama."
Lawler rejoins Cole and tells us that Ross' eye is cut, and if it turns out that he has some eye problems, he's gonna pop BOTH Tazz' eyes right out his head.
TEN DAYS AGO: Kane filled the Big Show slot by turning on his brother...again. Didn't I see this package about fifteen times on Heat and two more on RAW? I think I GET THE PICTURE ALREADY
THE GHOST RIDER (hey hey hey hey - on his Beautiful Titan Bike) v. D & X (with "The Kings" [who?]) in a handicap match - I'll be DAMNED - those STEEL steps have magically stood up on their sides so Undertaker can ride around the ring. How *does* he do that? Let Us Take You Back to Monday where Dogg took a short ride from the apron through a table to the floor, thanks to an "accidental" headbutt. X-Pac decides to spit on the bike on his way by - somehow, I can't exactly think that's a good idea. Down you go, down YOU go, in you go, and the bell rings to open the match. What was that, like a half hour with no wrestling? Sheesh. In you go as well. Undertaker tries to come in and the two finally work the numbers in the favour as they stomp all over him. Here's a few punches - into the ropes, double clothesline by the Undertaker. Soupbone for you, soupbone for you, back to you with a soupbone, you thrown through the ropes, and if you need to know which man is which, you probably should have just watched the show and saved me the trouble. Still, you can work backwards if I tell you that Road Dogg, still in the ring, gets a surprise shot in and tries the whip. Of course, in the WWF, all whips are reversed, so it should come as no surprise that 'Taker hits the big boot. Elbowdrop gets 2. Into the corner, hard into the opposite corner, clothesline follows. Sidewalk slam. 1, 2, X-Pac finally back in to save. Right, right, trifecta kick combo in the corner - but all this has no effect. Undertaker reverses fields and almost tosses 'Pac over the top turnbuckle. Soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, whipped into Dogg, back to the original corner, clothesline. 'Taker turns around to give one to the Dogg, but runs into the boot instead. 'Taker staggers around and eats a spinning heel kick. Dogg covers - 2. X-Pac with a double sledge, Dogg with a double sledge, 'Pac with a right. Stomp, stomp, standing on the neck while Dogg chokes him. X-Pac with an elbow, elbow, in the corner, each man throwing rights. X-Pac with a kick. Into the ropes, two heads down. 'Taker puts 'Pac's head to the mat, then gives Dogg a clothesline. One for X-Pac - one for Road Dogg. Dogg tossed over the top rope to the floor. X-Pac gets a kick in, into the ropes is reversed, 'Pac ducks a clothesline - but gets caught in a choke. We look up the ramp to see Road Dogg...walking away! Chokeslam. Dogg looks back - and grins. Tombstone coming up - oh, wait, he doesn't do that anymore. Last Ride powerbomb, 1, 2, 3. (3:28) If you're wondering why X-Pac did the job, let me remind you this *wasn't* a singles match.
Backstage, Triple H asks Stephanie how her conversation with "our Olympic Wonder" went. She says he made a lot of sense. "Are you actually contemplating having him as your partner tonight?" "Well, I think it's at least worth some consideration." "Consideration my (beep)! I think I'm gonna go have a little talk with Kurt Angle."
Hey, THIS "Highlander: Endgame" ad DOES feature Edge
Oh yeah, the UPN bumper
And one more UPN 44 Discovery Guide (featuring Too Cool, Rikishi & Rock!) ad
Mick Foley's gonna vote - so why don't YOU? wwfvote.com
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: PERRY SATURN (with Nipples) v. AL SNOW (with Head and No Nipples) - Cole tells us that the WWF has registered 40,000 voters in three weeks. AND..maybe three or four thousand of THOSE people will actually cast a ballot in November! Wooah! Let Us Take You Back One Week Where Kat Convinced Rikishi To Stinkface Terri, and To Monday Where Terri Attacked Kat at WWF New York. Terri and Kat fight in a "thong stinkface match" Sunday, a match that was booked, I hear, because Jericho and Benoit aren't getting pushed enough to draw. Saturn ducks a Head shot, Snow ducks a belt shot, Snow with a superkick. Right, right, into the ropes, back elbow, Saturn is STILL holding the title in his right hand, Mexican armdrag, Japanese armdrag - or was that the other way round? - Snow with a right hand that puts Saturn down and also causes him to FINALLY drop the title belt. Lawler will be on Radio WWF to talk about charity softball and Michael Bolton - what BETTER way is there to spend Saturday night, I ask you? Snow putting the title belt around his waist...and, with it still on, blocks a right, right, right, right, into the ropes, head down, Saturn pulls his head backwards to the mat. Saturn relieves him of the title and hands it to Terri. Snow AGAIN hits "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, into the ropes is reversed and Saturn drives a knee into Snow's gut while holding on. Right to the back of the head. Snow slides out of a whip into the corner, Saturn ducks a clothesline, Snow with a gutshot, snap suplex, holding on for a second one. Snow tosses Saturn outside...then HE goes out the other side. Does he have designs on Terri? He's pointing. Terri decides to jiggle off in this direction, and Snow follows. We see that Saturn is perched on the top - and flies to the floor with a splash! Snow rolled back in - Snow with a kick, Saturn with a forearm. Northern Lights suplex. Right hand, head to the buckle, Irish whip into the opposite corner, Snow gets up a boot, flapjack onto the top turnbuckle, Snow climbing to the top - moonsault! Snow should cover...but he points to Head instead. Terri comes in, grabs Head and poises to strike. Snow turns around, ducks the swing, and runs Terri through the ropes to the floor! As he turns around, though, Snow finds himself on the wrong end of a drop toehold...and the Rings of Saturn. He quickly gives it up, and Saturn retains. (2:52) Saturn goes outside and checks on Terri.
Want a pair of Rock sunglasses? Send a copy of your cable bill to this address and get on the mailing list from hell!
Kaientai is now JOINED by the Acolytes on the karaoke tip - they're also drinking so much beer, they fail to notice that the ENTIRE bar crowd is booing them
The Rock's at the Source awards on Tuesday? REALLY - I hadn't heard that
Here's the Smash Hit of the Week, brought to you by P.O.D's "Rock the Party!" From RAW, Jeff Hardy's swantonbomb lands in an empty pool, the Dudleyz hit 3D, but Edge swings a chair. So....which one was the smash hit of the week?
As we take another look at the Nawlins skyline, it's time to learn that tonight's episode of SmackDown! is sponsored by Stacker 2, Adidas, and WWF Home Video's "Divas: Postcard from the Caribbean" - available NOW!
EDGE & CHRISTIAN and CHRIS BENOIT v. HARDY BOYZ and CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - "Greetings to all of our fans in New Orleans! Now we know you're all probably putting down your fried alligator legs, or whatever it is you silly people here in Louisiana like to eat, in anticipation of one of our five second poses...but I'm sorry to inform that there will be no pose until after SummerSlam!" "But fear not. Unlike Ricky Williams, we will NOT drop the ball! Because in the Tables, Ladders & Chairs ["Oh my"] match, we will climb that ladder rung by glorious rung, reclaim our tag team championships, and unveil a world-first, monumental, thirty-seven second pose!" Hey, here's a couple NEW ORLEANS SAINTS in the front row even as we speak - not worthy of actually being *named*, but there they is nontheless. Let Us Take You Back to Monday, where Benoit prevented Jericho from winning the European title again. Jeff Hardy and Christian start after all the entrances are complete. Hardy with a gutshot, right, right, right, right, right, Christian reverses positions in the corner, right, right, right, Hardy pops out and they switch AGAIN, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, reversal, Hardy pops out of the corner and flips out of the backdrop attempt, then dropkicks Christian. Tag to Matt. Tandem legdrop spot - cover, 2. Right by Hardy, off the ropes with a clothesline takedown - 1, 2, kickout. Right, into the ropes, head down, kick by Christian, Hardy tries a right but Christian ducks it, catches the arm, Slop Drop! Three quick rights and a tag to Benoit. Elbow, into the ropes, clothesline for 2. Tag to Edge, open kick, right, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline ducked, Edge going for a sidewalk slam but Hardy turns it into a swinging DDT instead. Tag to Jericho! Clothesline, off the ropes with a flying jalapeno, shot for Benoit, Christian ducks HIS shot and tries to clamp on a full nelson, but by the time Edge arrives, Jericho's already slipped out and Christian takes his brother full force, falling to the floor! Jericho with a schoolboy...but only for 2. Benoit in, gutshot, elbow, elbow, kick, kick, kick, well now we need Katie to bar that door because with everybody in there, it's a bona-fide Pier Six brawl. Crowd chants "Y2J" because Jericho isn't over enough. Christian gives a chair to Edge, but Jeff Hardy dropkicks the chair off a boost from an on-all-fours Matt, right to Edge's face. Benoit has Jericho's foot - but not the other one, enzuigiri! Benoit rolls out. Jericho hits the Lionsault on Edge and hooks the leg - referee "Blind" Mike Chioda with the count - 1, 2, 3!! (2:40) This match continues on the outside, however, and it looks like the furniture's coming out. Matt Hardy has found a ladder...but Christian is back in with a chair. Edge ducks the airplane spin of the ladder, and Christian WHACKS Hardy right in the...ladder. Well... Christian chokes out Matt with the edge of the chair while Edge stomps on Jeff. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ are out and before you know it, Christian is in the "wassup" spot. D-Von does the war dance, Buh-Buh Ray says those four little words, and a table finds its way into the ring...but the Dudley Boyz take too long setting it up, and the champions attack them from behind, ending up putting them out of the ring. Where did Benoit and Jericho go? Jeff off the top turnbuckle with a double clothesline for Christian and D-Von, Matt on top of a ladder in the ring...and diving onto Buh-Buh Ray and Edge with a plancha of his own! Ahh, THERE are the Chrisses - still fighting back and forth. Each man is on the opposite apron of a corner - both men on the second rope - both men on the TOP rope - and they BOTH go through the table in the ring! Jericho clutches his left elbow and rolls to the outside - Benoit ain't movin'.
Triple H FINALLY catches up with Angle in the locker room and asks wassup. "Understand this, all right? I am her partner...I am her partner tonight in that match, I am her partner for life. Get that through your thick head!" Angle says he just wants to do what's best for the match. H tells Angle if he keeps pushing the issue, their alliance is not going to make it to SummerSlam. "Yeah, but Hunter - I don't make the decisions; your wife is gonna--" "My wife doesn't make the decisions!" "Oh yes I do make the decisions!" Stephanie appears and tells them to stop fighting like children. Stephanie says she's gonna make that decision, and........ ........... .......she's gonna flip a coin.
Here's a look at WWF New York, where earlier today, the XFL held a press conference to announce the team names and colours for the league! It's the Los Angeles Xtreme, the San Jose Demons (from Hell - that logo looks suspiciously like the "OBEY GIANT" poster), Las Vegas Outlaws, Memphis Maniax, Chicago Enforcers, Orlando Rage, Birmingham Bolts, and New York + New Jersey Hitmen! Tune into the WWF television network this weekend for more XFL stuff, because when you think football...think WWF!
Moments Ago, Jericho and Benoit went through a table
Back to the karaoke bar, where Bradshaw, wearing his shirt like a headband, performs "Twist and Shout." Kaientai take offense at some booing patrons, and a brawl breaks out. Also...Faarooq makes a brand new friend.
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands in the presence of the Rock, who says "Finally...," tells Stephanie she IS the Big Easy, talks about boiling crawfish, pinching on the tail and sucking on the head, and tells Stephanie that she should pick the man she likes least as her partner, 'cause he's gonna whip his monkeyass all over the arena. Rock turns his head ever-so-slightly in the hopes that the crowd will chant his name. They do. Rock tells Angle and H to pinch Stephanie's tail, then suck on their own heads. Rock sneaks in one more "ugly hermaphrodite" comment Kelly's way before predicting that he'll emerge from SummerSlam the WWF Champion, if ya something what the something is something.
Meanwhile, Stephanie has managed to find a coin to flip. Heads, Triple H. Tails, Kurt Angle. Angle offers a gold medal to flip in lieu of a coin. "Would you shut up with those damn medals before I stick 'em up your..." "Hey!" Stephanie flips the coin...it's tails. H storms off...and a smiling Angle says it's time to talk game plan...
SummerSlam triple threat main event promo #2 SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
Hasn't that damn Pop the Lock game ENDED yet? What? Tomorrow? Praise the Lord.
So, on WrestleLine, you can say "oral" but you can't say "blowjob." Isn't that FASCINATING? That's probably why they keep taking out me saying "WrestleLine can BLOW ME"
That reminds me...all of you who emailed me the queer definition of "shrimping" need to keep your smut peddling to yourselves, if you know what I mean. Mick's happily married with children, fer cryin' out loud!
UPN bumper - it's almost over
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by LUGZ! From RAW, Angle accidentally waffles Triple H with the Women's title, eats a Rock Bottom, Stephanie eats a Rock Bottom AND a Lita moonsault...and gives up the Women's title.
LITA (with RAW "special time" announcement and Chef Boyardee presents SummerSlam!) and LA ROCA v. STEPHANIE ONO (with Triple H watching on the Magic Window backstage) and KING KURT ANGLE - Rock decides to attack Angle as his back is turned while he watches his pyro - Angle see him coming and tries to punch, but it's blocked, right, right, right, and taken out of the picture as we watch Lita punk out Stephanie from behind as well. Head to the ramp. Rock takes Angle's head to the commentary table as Lita takes Stephanie's head to the apron. Angle blocks a second shot, elbow to the gut, head to the commentary table. The opening bell finally sounds as Lita rolls into the ring after Stephanie. Angle with a right, right, and a knee. In the ring, Stephanie manages to kick Lita down. Stephanie with another (AWFUL) kick. Into the ropes, going for a ...well, let's say sidewalk slam, but Lita turns it into a flying headscissors instead. Cover, leg hooked, Angle makes the save. Angle grabs Lita by the hair and puts her in position for a jackknife, but Rock is in with a clothesline to break THAT up. Into the ropes, no, Rock holds on and pulls him back into an elbow. Angle runs into a Samoan Drop from the Rock. Cover - 1, 2, Angle gets a shoulder up. Angle with an uppercut. Right hand. Right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Angle holds on and tries a kick, but Rock catches it - dragon screw legwhip! And into the Sharpshooter! Stephanie comes in and gets in a pretty good slap. Rock shoots her a look - and she goes back to her corner. Rock advancing on her - Angle from behind with a clubbing forearm. Right, right, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, then Rock holds on, spinning him 180 degrees back into his OWN corner, where he collides with Stephanie - who drops down and smacks her head on the STEEL steps on her way down! She's out like a mackerel. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner leaves the ring to check on her as we see H leave his set as well. Angle, of course, turns to Stephanie to see if she's okay, but Rock is a heartless bastard, spins him back around, right, right, whip into the corner...Angle holds on and gets behind him for a death suplex. Angle stomps on Rock, stomp, but trying to keep one eye on Stephanie (who is now being attended by WWF officials). Stomp, THE NEW MAN is out and shoving away Garea and Slaughter. H tells them to call a paramedic as the Chef Boyardee Double Feature shows us once again how Stephanie fell off the apron after Kurt Angle collided with her. H grabs his wife and carries her off in his arms. Back to the action - Angle stomping. Right is blocked, Rock with a right, right, off the ropes, Angle with a back elbow. Stomp. Vertical suplex. Cover...2. Backstage, we see H scream for the EMT's. Stephanie manages to say "I'll be okay" without adding a "Kurt" to the end of it. H says he's going to go out there and take care of it. Stephanie says she should go out, but H is adamant - he'll go help Kurt. "You guys take care of her, or I'll beat your asses!" "Be careful!' Back to the ring where Rock is...punching. Right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT...well, Angle ducks it. But not the second time. Rock with a gutshot and DDT. Cover - 2. Angle rakes the face. Into the ropes, Rock holds on and hits a belly-to-belly - gosh, how do they manage to stay frozen in midair like that? Oh, I see - it's a tape glitch. Leg is hooked - but only 2. Angle rolls outside, holding his back. Rock rolls out after him. Elbow across the back. Angle tries a gutshot, but he can't stop walking with Rock around the ring and up the ramp. Rock with a right. Knee to the head. At the top of the ramp, Triple H reappears *again* and clocks the Rock. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, right. Rock rolled in - H AND Angle follow. H stomp, they both stomp, stomp, stomp, H decks Hebner for good measure. Hebner: "Hmm, I was GONNA allow this, but now..." (DQ 5:57) They each kick Rock in the corner. Lita seems content to just stand there on the apron and watch - good for her, I guess. Double whip into the ropes, Rock with a double clothesline. Right for Angle, right for H, ready to put Angle in Rock Bottom, but H pops him with a right. Right, into the ropes, reversed, head down, facebuster by H. Angle clotheslines him outside. H grabs Lita and brings her in over the top rope by the hair. H and Angle advance on her...she begs off long enough for the HARDY BOYZ to come out to make the save. All four men fight, now it's all Hardyz with punchez. Now H and Angle switch places with their respective Hardyz and THEY get to punchin'. Now, the Rock is back in the ring and on Angle - right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT - Angle goes outside over the top rope. H tries to punch him, Rock hits a gutshot and DDT. Matt Hardy with a right for Triple H, Jeff Hardy with a right, Matt with a right, Rock with a clothesline. The Hardyz, Rock and Lita all join in putting the boots to Triple H - Angle climbs up onto the apron, but before he goes through the ropes, his gaze meets the Rock's...and as Rock makes his "just bring it" hand motion, Angle decides maybe he should just back on up, up that aisle, and out of there. Back in the ring, the Hardyz are holding up Triple H - shoved into Rock for Rock Bottom! The Hardyz and Lita leaves as Rock circles Triple H...then delivers the People's Elbow.
Backstage, Angle catches up with Stephanie and sends away the EMT's. "Stephanie, you all right? Are you all right? I am so sorry, Steph, I didn't mean to do it, I SWEAR I didn't mean to do it. I really care about you, Steph. You don't realise how much I care...I am so sorry, I am so sorry, Steph. I really care about you Steph...I really care." Angle's hug - WHOA! - suddenly turns into a full-on pass and liplock...Stephanie fights it at first...then kinda gets into it. Angle backs away with a HUGE grin on his face as the credits come up...and Stephanie's face is more along the "what have I done?" lines. Whoops, that's all you get. We're faded to black.