/31 August 2000
I GET LETTERS:
When I get lazy, I have to rely on loyal readers to act as
my eeeeeeagle eyes. Two gold stars to these two coming up:
From Eric Denton: CRZ,
Enjoy you recaps.
I don't know if you caught this but Kurt Angle was wearing his wedding ring during his promo with HHH.
So not only is he trying to steal HHH's "wife" he's cheating on his own. I'll give Angle the benefit of the doubt because you could tell he was still loopy from last night. But one of the stage mangers or officials should have caught that.
And from Draggon410: I am not one to write often but i just had to to tell ya how disappointed i am in you. Even though i usually see both Nitro and Raw every wek, i read your column for you sarcasm, and the fact that you usually pick up on the little things. I am sad to say you missed a pretty big little thing from the 8-28 edition of raw. If you have a tape play back the HHH/Eddy match. When they are both out cold and Chyna comes to check on them you need to keep a close eye on the right hand of HHH......as it is unzipping the front of Chynas pants!!!!!! I was lmao....can't believe ya missed it though!!
Hey, wanna have lots of fun at work? Just randomly bust out, as loud and melodious as you can, "IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLL" - do it often, completely at random, and at the most inopportune times. Listen to your coworkers LAUGH and LAUGH....get fired, of course, and you never heard this idear from ME. The reason I bring all this up is that once again, UPN is throwing that SAME TIRED old promo they open up EVERY UPN Thursday with. But let's not get worked up during the first ten seconds of a two hour block, shall we?
TV-PG-DLV - One World WWF SmackDown UPN Leader Attitude - WWF!
Highlights of RAW...along with clips and stills from SummerSlam - it's the Angle and Helmsley story...or is that that Angle, Helmsley, Chyna and Guerrero story?
Not only is this show close captioned, but it has opening credits
It's PYRO TIME at the ol' Time Tunnel - from the We Ain't Tellin' Arena in Parts Unknown 31.8.2K (taped 29.8), it's WWF SmackDown!
"My Time" plays and out walks...ho ho, it's STEPHANIE ONO, hopefully come out to tell us just where the heck she's been recently (and why she didn't stay there, too). She's still got that one look of hers on her puss, anyway. If we're REALLY lucky, she'll put her left hand on her hip - OH MAN! SHE DID IT! "Slut!" "I'd like to start off by letting you know that my husband Hunter is on his way. He will be here shortly, so there's no need to wonder about his whereabouts. And I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your concern about my whereabouts Monday night on RAW. I really appreciate the sentiment. But what I don't appreciate are all the dirty, nasty rumours I heard some of you say with regards to where I was Sunday night after SummerSlam and Monday. You know, those things you say - they hurt! And not that any of you deserve an explanation, but just for the record, for the sake of my reputation...I'll - I'll have you know that I spent the entire night by the bedside of my injured brother in the hospital! Oh, it's true! (catching herself from saying it again) And, and by the way, Shane is mending quite nicely. But! With regards to my marriage, I want you all to know that Hunter and I once again are - are experiencing wedded bliss. As a matter of fact--" KING KURT ANGLE makes his entrance at this juncture. "You know, Steph. I just want you to know how much I admire you, I mean, I really admire you. Kinda the way that people admire me for my Olympic Gold Medals - in that way. ["Ass hole!"] I mean, let's face it - you're a beautiful and delicate woman, and to put on that brave face like you're don' tonight, after your husband has manhandled you - that amazes me, it really does." "Kurt - what do you mean, manhandled?" "Well, Steph, Steph - I know you're a little woozy after your husband struck you at SummerSlam, so I'd like to show you and all the people here what I'm talkin' about, would you please show the footage. [SUPER slow motion] This is your husband - now watch this, he has a LOTTA time to pull back on this punch, but he chose not to! Instead, he struck his wife - you, Stephanie - he struck you. That is a man enraged! A man in anger!" "Kurt, Hunter and I have talked about everything, and - what are you trying to pull anyway? That footage is in slow motion. You know as well as I do that Hunter striking me was an accident." "Steph, I wanna believe that it's an accident - and maybe it was! But let me ask you something - was this? That is your husband...and an old flame, an old flame mind you, rekindling that old flame in the locker room, Steph!" The Hug is ALSO in super slo-mo. "This is what I'm talking about. Okay? That is a disgrace - that is a married man - YOUR man, YOUR husband." Reaction shot from Stephanie shows she apparently didn't watch TV on Monday night. "I'm sorry I'm the one to have to tell you that, Steph. I thought you knew, I thought your husband talked it over with you, so I just thought I'd tell you, and I'm sorry." "I - I don't believe it!" "Well, believe it, Steph, 'cause it's true...it's true." Behind door number three, THAT SLUT CHYNA...*not* with her bazooka, but WITH a mic. "For God's sake, Stephanie, you gonna listen to that crap from this idiot?" "Excuse me?" "Absolutely nothing happened between Hunter and myself on RAW and this idiot is obviously manipulating you." "Oh, spare me Chyna - if that's your real name. Last Monday night, I took a stand - sure, I hit Hunter with a chair and I hit Eddie with a chair. I hit Hunter to stand for you, I was takin' a stand for you, Stephanie, okay? I hit Eddie with a chair - well, we all know I had a concussion. So I was seein' double and I thought that Hunter got back up, so I swung again, thinkin' it was Hunter, and it was Eddie - my Latino friend, I would *never* do that to him. But, wait a minute, Chyna - speaking of Eddie, sure, I don't think you really know how he felt, since you were tending to someone else last Monday night...show the footage! Now, that's Eddie next to Hunter - who is Chyna tending to? Your husband - it's true." "She sure is!" "You are not kidding. So, that's what I'm talking about; I don't know what's going on there, but Chyna, I'm sure you're proud of yourself, aren'tcha?" "You know what Kurt, the only thing that I'm gonna be really proud of is shovin' your Olympic medals down your throat." "Wait a minute! Whoa! I'm not like Hunter - I don't strike women! Well - well, unless it's in self-defense, then I'll strike women, but that's the only reason. Chyna, don't come in here. Don't make me have to kick your butt. Not in front of everybody...do not come in here. I have a woman in here. We don't have to do this." Chyna continues down the ramp....and into the ring. Stephanie stands between them, though, and gives Chyna what for, complete with exaggerated pantomime. Chyna yuks it up a bit, then turns sourpuss, and finally *Angle* grabs her and flips her over in an Olympic Slam. Stayed around a bit too long after to put on the badmouth, though - EDDIE GUERRERO is out to take some revenge, eventually kicking Angle out of the ring - so why are they still playing *his* music? Stephanie's still got a pretty big grin from the words she gave Chyna, as well...she and Angle walk up the ramp while Eddie and Chyna stand in the ring...and we go to the first ad break.
Chyna sells some more Stacker 2
Moments Ago, shout, slam, rescue
Backstage, Triple H is WALKING!
Meanwhile, in their dressing room, Stephanie and Kurt do a post-mortem on the opening segment. Helmsley arrives - and wants to know what the hell's up with Angle and his wife in such close quarters. Stephanie prevents him from beating up Angle by slapping Triple H - then she breaks into tears. "Why didn't you TELL me about Chyna on Monday?" Triple H is adamant that it meant nothing. "If it mean nothing, then why didn't you mention it? Why'd you have to hide it?" H proclaims this "ridiculous" and then, after punting around a random piece of furniture, says he's gonna go cool off - "I'm gonna come back when you're thinking straight." Stephanie is left to emote on her own...
ROAD DOGG v. WALL BUCHANAN (with Steven Richards) - "Oh you didn't know? Your (beep) better call somebody!" Dogg is good enough to tell me that we're in Fayetteville, NC...as well as America. Dogg goes on a bit of a tirade about the RTC try to tell him what he can and can't watch - getting bleeped on "ass" once again in the process. Buchanan wishes a moment: "Tonight, I want all of you to come together with me, and I want you to close your eyes. And I want you to think - think about your children. Think about their little faces. Then I want you to open your eyes and take a look at my opponent - HE promotes vulgarity, HE promotes violence, and he promotes filth! And as sure as I stand here toniiiiiight...I will censor his actions, because I don't know about all o' you...but I do not want my babies watchin' this disgrace." Buchanan rushes the ring, and the brawl is on - Buchanan taking command - in the ropes, clothesline. Off the ropes with an elbowdrop, hooks the leg, 2. To the rear chinlock (yeah, it HAS been twenty seconds) - Dogg to his feet, elbow, elbow, off the ropes but into a big Buchanan boot. Buchanan no-hands it to the top rope and comes off with the clothesline. Tonight, a #1 Contender's match - Benoit vs. Undertaker! Pinfall or submissions only...hmmm... Buchanan covers - referee "Blind" Jim Korderas counts - 2. Buchanan working the body - whip into the opposite corner, Dogg lands hard. Buchanan with a big right. Into the opposite corner, followup splash MISSES. Dogg's knees are waggling, left, left, left, juke, jive, right, off the ropes with the...nope, Richards gets in a shot to the back instead. Buchanan tries the axe kick, but Dogg pulls his head back up and catches him in a sorta pumphandle slam on the way down instead. That'll do ya - 1, 2, 3. (1:42) Richards and GOODFATHER, who appeared outta *nowhere*, hit the ring but Dogg's already slid out, ready to enjoy a bit of gloating at their expense - they leave the ring and Dogg decides to go out through the crowd instead.
Chyna hits up the Commissioner for a match - Foley says he won't reward Angle for his behaviour. Guerrero says fine, HE'LL take a match with Angle. Foley says Triple H already asked for a match with Angle, and he just can't go around booking Triple Threat matches...no, wait, he CAN, so tonight it'll be a Triple Threat match - Guerrero vs. Angle vs. Triple H!
And now, the WWF Burn of the Week, brought to you by Stacker 2! From RAW, Edge & Christian do a major burn on their TLC opponents....with midgets
EDGE & CHRISTIAN & JACQUELINE v. NON-MIDGET HARDY BOYZ & LITA - I have it on good authority that Edge doesn't even know all the words to his theme song! Ask him about it next time you see him. "Greetings to all of our fans in Fayetteville! As we all witnessed at SummerSlam, and again Monday night on RAW, when comparing us and the Hardy Boyz, they always seem to come up...just a little short!" "That's because...we reek of awesomeness...and the Hardyz just don't measure up." Matt's actually got THE STICK - will the Hardyz speak? "Edge & Christian, you guys reek all right - but what you reek of is something I can't say on national TV!" "Oh, but I can - YOU GUYS REEK OF--" Matt pulls the mic away. "Easy, man, easy. You wanna come into our home state (Crowd: "Yeah North Carolina!") and humiliate us? Well,after tonight, I guarantee you you'll never wanna step foot in North Carolina again!" Crowd: "He said North Carolina! I wanna DO him!" Running to the ring and it's on - Christian and Matt start in the ring - punching away from Christian, off the ropes, Matt ducks, right, right, haymaker puts Christian down. Right, into the ropes, reversed, knee in the back by Edge - Hardy turns around and puts HIM down with a punch, then turns back...and eats a flying forearm smash from Christian. Stomp, stomp, stomp, Jackie tags herself in (to Christian's surprise) - top rope splash (!) gets 2 from referee "Blind" Tim White. Off the ropes, elbow misses. Tag to Lita - elbow, elbow, into the ropes, reversed, Jackie with a - geez! - sidewalk slam that almost turned into paralysis as Lita swung her head back to far just before correcting on the way down - that girl SCARES me. Jackie gets 2. Into the ropes, reversed, Jackie ducks the clothesline, floats over, but Lita counters the DDT attempt with a Northern Lights-esque suplex - and almost obscene cover for 2. Off the ropes, Jackie catches her in a flapjack...and tags in Edge? Edge tries a spear, but only finds a ringpost with his shoulder. Lita tags to Matt Hardy - running Edge's head into the turnbuckle, Hardy quicklky to the top rope - moonsault sorta hits for 2. Edge slips out and goes behind - hey, that was kinda Twist of Fate-ish, and following that neckbreaker, Edge tags out to Christian. Into the ropes, powerslam, leg is hooked...2. Right, right, head to the unfriendly turnbuckle, goading Jeff into the ring to distract White while Jackie and Edge work on the neck - Christian adds some stompin'. Matt tries to punch back, but Christian's got more punches in him. Into the corner, Matt puts up an elbow, clothesline running out, tag to Jeff. Right, right to Edge, right to Christian, Edge shoved over the top to the floor - Jacqueline with a top-rope dropkick to the back of Jeff's head, putting HIM down. Lita comes in and muscles Jackie down - White decides that NOW he'll try separating participants (wink wink). Meanwhile, Christian manages his inverted DDT on Jeff - 1, 2, Matt breaks it up with a legdrop to the back of the head. Edge over, Matt blocks, right, gutshot, setting him up for - Jackie over, Lita over with a gutshot for HER - there's a TRIPLE DDT! Double clothesline for Christian. Lita off the top with a wackyrana for Edge - Twist of Fate for Christian - swantonbomb - 1, 2, 3! Guess which two men were legal, too - MAN I love the WWF because they get the LITTLE things right - and I ain't talkin' 'bout midgets! (4:00) Hardyz still don't have the belts, but they DO have a pin on the champs. Hey, how 'bout a replay? Coming back, we see MR. HARDY in the front row - hey, that's nice. He ain't no Larry "the Axe," but still...
I don't know about you, but where *I* am, RAW is on at its regular time, so I don't see the need for this graphic saying "SPECIAL TIME!" Cole proclaims Monday's audience "a record breaking audience." I can only imagine that he is saying "ratings this year for the 11pm show were better than last year, and these are the only two times we've ever done it - oh and the dog show, right" - big whoop
Backstage, Stephanie is WALKING! In a rare moment, we actually watch someone walk from behind - this is so we DON'T see Kurt Angle sneak up on her from behind - he tries to put an arm around her, but she shudders and backs off. Angle says there's some kind of misunderstanding about the kiss from last week. "It was a kiss that a good friend would give to another good friend - nothing more than that." Stephanie says she needs some space - "big-time space." Angle reminds her he'll be there for her...
Hey, I just noticed - in this Crunch 'n Munch ad, Grand Master Sexay has that announcer dude in a *Sharpshooter* - that's GOTTA be some sorta CONTINUATION OF THE GIANT CONSPIRACY AGAINST BRET HART BY VINCE McMAHON AND THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION NOT TO MENTION THE XFL AND OH MY OH MY OH MY
Commentators hype "the Hughleys" - coming soon to UPN
WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: PERRY (with Terri) v. AL SNOW (with Head) - Champ enters first because that's how they do it in Europe. Tonight, SmackDown! is brought to you by RC Edge cola, Honda, and "Divas: Postcard from the Caribbean." Is this a blowoff match? Cool! Saturn pounds on Snow as he parts the ropes, and we're underway. Head to the buckle, right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, Saturn reverses it back to the first corner, press and slam. Front fact - vertical suplex. Saturn goes outside for a quick rendezvous with Terri - allowing the Snowman enough time to come over the top with a pescado onto Saturn! Snow stomping away on the outside - right, into the barricade (and almost into Jim Dotson) - scoop...and a slam, out on the floor. Going for the moonsault off the barricade, but Terri shoves off before he can do it. Snow walks back with a look for Terri - back over the barricade and towrads Terri....Saturn nails him with a kick from behind. Rammed shoulder first into the STEEL steps. Undertaker/Benoit is NEXT! Back in the ring, Saturn with a Northern Lights suplex onto the arm, wrenching that same arm, Snow punches back, but Saturn is still holding the left arm and he works it some more. Arm wringer, chicken wing takeover (well...maybe not), and holding the armbar. Snow isn't sure how to get out of this. Saturn kicks the elbow - then shoves the shoulder right into the corner. Snow with a kick, Saturn kicks back, Snow kicks, Saturn mauls him with a forearm. Still in the corner, but now Saturn takes him out - by golly, is that a chicken wing? Saturn threatens to break his arm. Maybe that's more of a half nelson...anyway, referee "Blind" Teddy Long asks Snow if he wants to give up, but Snow won't do it. Here's a look at Terri's nipples. Snow tries to elbow out with his "good" (right) elbow - there's three elbows, Saturn pulls the hair, but Snow ducks the clothesline. Snow with a right, right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow, left-handed clothesline but Snow clutches his hurt arm after the move. Snow with a scoop slam - STILL trying to shake off the pain in his left arm, climbing to the top...but Saturn slips in under him as he's on the second rope - powerbomb coming up...NO! Snow drops and slowly rolls it into a slo-mo 'rana, Saturn helpfully bopping his head on the way down - Snow hooking BOTH legs - 2! Saturn rolls it forward for 2. Snow kicks out and drives the shoulders down for 2, Saturn kicks out and puts the legs over the shoudlers for 2, Snow rolls forward for 1, Saturn seesaws back for 1 - they finally both get up and Saturn clotheslines Snow down HARD. Into the ropes, but Snow slides to a stop, gets up...and runs into a superkick attempt. BUT he shoves it aside and catches him in a uranage into a sitout powerbomb! Why cover? Snow says that's it and goes up for the moonsault - WOW! It hits. But Terri is up on the apron and holding onto Head. Snow gets up and walks over. He takes Head from Terri and grabs the back of HER head - is he gonna kiss her? No, he's gonna SHOVE HER OFF THE APRON TO THE FLOOR! Go, Snow! Long-distance thong shot, by the way. Anyway, Snow has Head and he's ready to use it. Cover, leg hooked - 1, 2...Long decides to stop counting and see Head in the ring instead. Oh MAN Teddy Long is one LAME ref. "What's this?" Umm, that's Head - you've never seen her before? Long asks if he used it. While they have a meeting of the minds, Saturn sneaks up from behind, hits a Tiger suplex and holds on for the bridge - 1, 2, NO!! Long tosses Head to the corner. Lawler: "A little Head never hurt anybody!" Terri throws Head BACK in, to Saturn, who swings and misses, Snow with a right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, drop toehold by Saturn, going for the Rings of Saturn but Snow throws back his left elbow to Saturn's face in an attempt to keep him from locking it on - Saturn DOES break the hold, and Snow moves into ...the Dragon sleeper! Tony Schiavone: "That's his move!" Saturn TAPS!!! Holy shit! Titles don't change hands on SmackDown! but nonetheless...ladies and gentlemen, we have a new European champion. (5:25) Snow remembers to keep Long from raising his hurt left arm. Snow just rocked our world, y'all.
Back in the dressing room, Triple H is back and he wants to explain. Stephanie's right; he should have told her. The hug was nothing, so he didn't think about it. Still, she was right. And he was wrong. Stephanie says it was only because of the past history of their relationship, and it hurt. "I'm sorry." Stephanie is ready to accept this, closes her eyes and sticks out her lips, but before H kisses her - he stops. "But, you know...I could say the same thing about you and Kurt." "?? Kurt and I are totally different." Stephanie explains how there's no history between her and Kurt, see? They're just friends. "Oh, so you and Kurt are just...'friends.' So you and - and Kurt Angle - you're just friends, the guy that - that kissed you. The guy that, every week, is constantly involved in our marriage, somehow trying to screw our marriage up, the guy that's constantly needling me, the guy that is constantly in my face, the guy that is constantly doing something, hugging you, kissing you..." H starts to break some furniture, almost wiping out the camera. Damn, he should lay off the Metacuts!
Outside the door, we see Joe cocking his ear to get a better listen. Somebody should tell that guy he could just watch a monitor instead! Hearing yelling and screaming, he takes off...
Meanwhile, Undertaker is WALKING! Now sitting on his bike, so he won't have to do any more of that walking. That's TIRING!
You're watching UPN!
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands by with Al Snow. What was he thinking as the referee raised his hand? "I wasn't. Why do you ask?" "Well, I just was..." "It doesn't matter, Kevin. This belt has been held down way too long! I plan on bringing honour, prestige and respect back to all the citizens of Europea! Thank you."
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by LUGZ! From RAW, Rock hits Rock Bottom on Kane - but Kane is a demon from hell, so he kicked out. Later, the Undertaker ran in to chokeslam him.
THE GHOST RIDER (on his Beautiful Titan Bike) v. CHRIS BENOIT in a #1 Contender's match - pinfall or submission only, please - HOW do those STEEL steps *magically* transport to the barricade and stand on their sides so 'Taker can ride around the ring? It's just so....*eerie*. It bears repeating - when you make the belt MEANINGFUL, sometimes the story can just write itself. Both of these men want a shot at the belt, because holding the belt is the prize they both seek. When you say shit like "the belt's just a prop," give it to David Arquette and threaten to give it to the writer after a War Games match named after said writer - well, it might be "sophisticated," but it doesn't exactly fly with the wrestling fans. But you KNOW how loathe I am to make comparisons between federations. If there's a common theme amongst tonight's matches, it's that they sure start quickly - these two men are right on each other as Benoit enters the ring - ducking a clothesline, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, elbow, kick, elbow, kick, elbow, into the ropes, Undertaker catches the clothesline, puts Benoit across his back, presses him over his head and drops him to the mat. Off the ropes with a clothesline. Off the ropes with an elbowdrop...for 2. Head to the buckle. Uppercut. Headbutt. Into the opposite corner reversed by Benoit, Benoit catches the clothesline as Undertaker comes out, to a crucifix, when THAT doesn't work Benoit drops down to try a sunset flip, THAT doesn't work either as Undertaker grabs him in a double choke - up above his head - and tossed to the corner. Running knee. Soupbone. Into the opposite corner, running knee misses, Benoit goes right to that knee, kicking away - draping it across the bottom rope - stomping all over it. Benoit with words for referee "Blind" Mike Chioda, who apparently isn't much of a fan of all that work in the ropes. Benoit back over to Undertaker, but he shoves him away with both boots. Undertaker back to his feet - Benoit dropkicks him in the back of the knee. Rather palpable "Benoit Sux" chant going here. Benoit covers - 1, 2, shoulder up. European elbow by Benoit, single leg trip, holding onto the left leg and driving the knee into the mat. Undertaker to his feet - Benoit kicks the back of the left knee again. 'Taker to his feet - Benoit kicks the knee, kick, got the left leg, back trip on the right leg - left leg across the bottom rope, buttdrop on the knee. Repeat. With his GOOD leg, Undertaker shoves Benoit over the top rope to the floor! Crazay! Both men are down - one in, one out. Undertaker to his feet. Benoit back in the ring - running into a big boot. Soupbone! Soupbone! Undertaker puts Benoit in the ropes, head down, got Benoit on his shoulder - MASSIVE spinebuster. 'Taker gimps to the corner and signals to the crowd...chokeslam coming up....but before he can hit it, WELL IT'S KANE. Interesting thing...that DQ (DQ 4:13) means we don't yet *have* a #1 Contender. Kane throws punches in bunches until Benoit spins him around and asks just what the heck he thinks he's doing. Now *Benoit and Kane* are going at it! Crowd chants (what?) "Rock E." All three men getting into it now - not it appears that Kane and Benoit are doubleteaming the Undertaker. LA ROCA comes out for no apparent reason, does his right, right, right, right, spit, right to Benoit as Undertaker gets the better of Kane and clotheslines him out to the floor. Rock and Undertaker are left in the ring as Undertaker is announced winner via disqualification. Kane pops back up onto the apron to try to get another shot at 'Taker, but Benoit pulls him down. THOSE two are fighting again. Some more REFS are out to try to keep all these men apart. Play Rock's music! IF YA SMELLLLLLLL Undertaker gives one more longing look to Rock...
Moments Ago - Kane ruins the match. Rock runs in. Cole tells us that all four men want the same thing - the WWF title. I gotcher "sophisticated storyline" right HERE, pal.
TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO - Hey, maybe *Tazz* should hook up with Kevin Kelly after he snaps, eh? God DAMN Steve Blackman is the man. A quick look at our commentators (a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER) before we go up to Tazz, who just MIGHT have something to say to at least one of them. "Hehehehe...you know, lately, Mr. Microphone 1 and Mr. Microphone 2 have been costing me some matches. Well, you know, I SEE Mr. Microphone 1 - but where's good ol' JR? Where's he hidin', King? Is he under the ring? Is he under the desk? Is he gonna come out here, take my eye out, blind me, and end my career? Or is he home - unfreezin' his frozen face? Ahahahaha! (Cole: "Hey, I've had this seat for a YEAR!") Well, King, tonight, you are gonna find out what thug life's about. Tonight, right now, you are gonna be just another victim." But before he can part the ropes and leave, the Y2J countdown starts...and out comes the old Washington Capital himself. "Tazz, would you please SHUT THE HELL UP? Ever since you came to the ring and started jabbering on, the mood HAS changed to one of complete and utter boredom - and just to let you know, since you've already challenged and pretty much been beaten senseless by both the King and JR, I just wanted to tell ya that now the ring announcers, the ring crew, the camera guys, the lighting guys, the bell ringer, the timekeeper, the merchandise salesman, and the popcorn salesman in the 17th row wanna piece o' you, too! (Sounds like all the guys Vampiro has jobbed to, wot?) And I know that you (Tazz imitation) considah yo'self to be a street...thug. And I consider ya to be nothin' moah than a schoolyard bully, and I'm gonna treat you like I treated all the schoolyard bullies when I was growing up. I'm gonna put ya in the Walls of Jericho, and I'm gonna keep ya in it, 'til you run home screaming and crying to yo mutha." Jericho hits the ring and, just like that, it's on. Jericho ducks a clothesline, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow, off the ropes, Tazz ducks, double leg by Jericho, going for the Walls - Tazz punches him a few times, then shoves him away with a foot. Boot up as Tazz charges - but Jericho follows it up by running into a head-and-arm Tazzplex. No cover - Tazz just rams Jericho's head repeatedly into the mat. Kick, stomp, stomp, blatant choke, right, right, right, right, right, right, head to the mat, stomp, Jericho tries to bust out the martial arts, right, Tazz to the eyes, in the corner, whip out into the opposite corner, Tazz catches the boot - AND the enzuigiri, only he catches THAT in the head. Jericho with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine." Right. Into the ropes, reversed, flying jalapeno by Jericho! Knife-edge chop, chop, into the corner, off the ropes for the bulldog, but Tazz has that scouted and catches him with a T-bone Tazzplex instead. Tazz goes outside and quickly delivers a right hand special delivery to Lawler. Referee "Blind" Jack Doan castigates Tazz as he has a good laugh. King's already thrown his headset aside - and now he flies in with a right, right, Tazz right, Jericho with a baseball slide dropkick to the back of Tazz' head. To the commentary table, and Jericho slides him back in under the bottom rope. Crowd: "Jerry!" Right by Jericho, into the ropes, Taz holds on, duck, Jericho ducks, Tazz puts on the Tazzmission - but Jericho breaks that when his trick knee acts up! Off the ropes with the bulldog! Lionsault! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! (2:38) Tazz thinks about getting some more of Lawler but the REFS keep him at bay. Lawler asks them to let him go.
Backstage, Just Joe tells Kurt Angle not to shoot the messenger, but he heard a lot of loud, violent noise coming from the McMahon-Helmsley locker room. Angle asks if he hit her again. He doesn't know, but "it was that kinda noise." Angle gets bleeped on his way out...
Chyna STILL wants you to buy some Stacker 2...even though big muscles aren't all she cares about.
The UPN 44 Discovery Guide not only has a big picure of Too Cool, Rikishi and the Rock on the cover, but inside is your chance to win tix to the 7 October San Jose house show! Pick one up at Blockbuster or from your next Domino's Pizza order
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Today as Kai En Tai give a little MST3K action to the TLC match, specifically to Buh-Buh Ray Dudley trying to scale the ladder - "Buh Buh-san - so srowry!" - but getting shoved down through four tables - "oh oh oh ohhhhhhh!! Hahaha!" Funaki: "Threedeeeeeeeeee!" Michinoku: "Wassuuuuup!" Funaki: "Wassuuuup!" They each make the "upside down OK's make glasses" face and start hopping around. They each turn back...to see that the Dudley Boyz have been watching them. They don't seem in too peachy a mood, if you catch my drift. Michinoku: "Ah herr - no tabre! No tabre!" They manage to run off...
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. KAI EN TAI - ...but STILL ended up booked in this match. RC Edge presents Unforgiven next month in Philadelphia! Before they hit the ring, the music changes - the ACOLYTES are out and they're putting on their bidness gloves. As the Dudleyz look at the Acolytes, Kai and Tai (that's what the PTC calls 'em) attack from behind. Double whip is reversed, and they collide in the centre. D-Von tosses Tai while Buh-Buh Ray death suplexes Kai. Buh-Buh Ray with a right hand to Kai, into the ropes, Kai manages a head scissors, but runs into a clothesline. Tag to D-Von. Right, into the ropes, jumping back elbow, tag to Buh-Buh Ray. Elbow to the head. Kai manages to shoves aside the arms and punch, right, right, right, into the ropes, Buh-Buh Ray holds on, whips Kai into the ropes, head down, kick by Kai, on the shoulders...Buh-Buh Ray powerbombs him down. Shot for Tai on the outside as well. While referee "Blind" Tim White pays attention to Tai, Buh-Buh Ray has Kai in position for Wassup. D-Von does the dance, Buh-Buh Ray asks him to get the table - but Tai comes in and pounds on D-Von before he can leave the ring. Into the ropes, reversed, 3D! (Dudley Death Drop!) But now Faarooq is up on the apron and White is over to chat with him about Friendly Tap pinball machine damage, while behind his back Bradshaw delivers the Clothesline from Keyes, and places Tai on top. White's back around - 1, 2, 3! (Strictly for the 2:09, Modesto) Looks like the APA were working for Kai and Tai, and Taka just got a pin on D-Von. Buh-Buh Ray looks perplexed, as if to say "what the heck is THEIR music playing for? Whaa? We JOBBED to these guys?" Oops, they spent too long celebrating in the ring...right for Kai. Buh-Buh Ray goes outside and finds the table - and puts it in the ring. Tai put on the table, both men pound on him - Kai put in position - Buh-Buh Ray superbombs Kai through Tai AND the table - and lands on his feet! Play their music! Here's a replay! We are left with the implication that the Dudleyz and Acolytez might tie it up soon as a result of what's happened...
WWF New York spot
Meet the teams of the XFL - I covered this last week, so it's all fast-forward to me now
Stephanie is stirring herself some coffee when Kurt Angle finds her again. "Stephanie, are you okay?" "I'm fine." Stephanie tells him that Hunter might be a lot of things, but he LOVES her - he'd never lay a hand on her. "Are you trying to protect him? Don't do it!" Stephanie tries to convince him again. "If I need you, I'll let you know." "I'm always here for you, Steph."
Yesterday at the National Press Club in Washington, DC, the WWF offered a (ha) serious (ha) invitation "to presidential contenders to reach the fastest growing segment of voters." Why don't they invite Harry Browne, hmm? He's MUCH more likely to show up. Anyway, they invited Bush and Gore to debate on SmackDown! with Jesse Ventura moderating. I doubt they'd REALLY give up a quarter hour that could be better put to use with a fifteen-minute interview...say, wait a minute....it's just a swap of performers! But that's BRILLIANT! It almost writes itself! Hey, Lita spoke at this thing? How 'bout that. Of COURSE we get Foley's line about Gore's "displays of public affection" - AND they play the kiss on this TV-PG rated show! Wau! This must be where Angle and Stephanie got motivation for THEIR kiss, right?
Backstage, Trish Stratus tries to get Val Venis' attention, but he's ignoring her. "Minor setback! I got you the gold..I can get it again." Venis tells her she gives herself too much credit. "You never helped me win the intercontinental championship - I did it on my own! But you sure as hell made me lose it!" Now, I'm pretty sure I remember Tazz playing a part in that, but... "Trish, I'm sick of your bleached blonde hair, your pushup bra and your cowboy hats - I don't need ya, I don't want ya, and I won't have ya - la-tah." Trish, after he leaves: "You'll be sorry..."
RIKISHI (with Mandy & Victoria and Let Us Take You Back to Fully Loaded) v. BALD VENIS - Venis seems in kind of a rage...maybe he should throw a party! Venis with the big finger point, Rikishi moves up, and here we go, Venis kick, right, right, right, right, Riksihi blocks, right, right, right, right, off the ropes, Venis ducks, hiptoss (ha) blocked, Rikishi clotheslines him down. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes, big drumstick drop. Right, right, right, Venis hold onto the whip attempt - gutshot, necbreaker. Stomp by Venis, right, right, right, right, right, head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, kick, stomp, standing on the neck. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton forces the break. Venis right, right, Rikishi ducks the next one and clotheslines him out of the ring - and follows. But it's Venis landing the blows - two rights - whip into the STEEL steps...is reversed! Venis hits hard. Rikishi puts him back in and follows. Samoan Drop. RC Edge provides a steps whip Double Feature. Rikishi warms it up - there's the fat ass splash - and there's one more. How 'bout a third? Damn, why won't that guy flump down already? STEVEN RICHARDS runs out at this point - Rikishi throws a right to put him on the floor. GOODFATHER up - Goodfather down. WALL BUCHANAN meets the same fate. And now TOO COOL is out to take care of Buchanan and Goodfather - they brawl up the aisle. Inside the ring, Venis HAS falled down and Rikishi's ready to give him the stinkface...but Richards is over to meet Rikishi, hitting him in the back of the head with the bell. Richards urges Venis to put an arm on Rikishi. Yup, somehow Patton missed ALL this talking to the ho's, but manages to turn around just in time to count the 1, 2, 3. (3:32) Richards gimps off - guess he got injured off his one bump - sheesh - but he STILL manages to strike a smile through his pain. Replay of the bell shot.
Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday where Chyna and Triple H had a chat. I wonder if Stephanie's watching this on the monitor now?
In the dressing room, Chyna tells Eddie that he doesn't have to worry - she'll be in his corner tonight. "Look, Mami, I know that you and Triple H are friends. So I hope it doesn't bother you when I go and pound his head in, okay?" "Eddie, what Hunter and I had - that was business. What you and I have, it's...special. It's important to me, it's real. So you do what you gotta do, I don't care. Just get that punk Kurt Angle and take him out!"
Hey! Chris Jericho eats Chef Boyardee Overstuff Beef Ravioli on a desert island!
Here's a look at the exterior of the building. Why can't they muster up ONE graphic that says "Fayetteville?" The world...may never know
Triple H, a bit calmer, apologises for losing his cool...but you have to understand where he's coming from. "You mean the world to me - I love you more than anything in the world...and when Kurt Angle sticks his nose in our business, I just wanna choke that little son of...I wanna wring his (beep) neck, and just......see, I have to control, that, okay? That's what I have to control. I'm sorry. I can't lose my cool when I'm around you. I have to be in control. You're right, okay. And I just want you to know - everything behind us, I'm sorry about all this, I will try my hardest to control that, to respect you...(swalloing) and if you're friends with Kurt Angle....it's not okay, but I'll try to control it. Okay? But I'm sorry." "I'm sorry to - I never mean to slap you. I get out of control too." They embrace. Immediately, there's a knock at the door... "If that's Kurt, I sw--" but it's two from the sheriff's office. "We've received a complaint of spousal abuse, you'll have to come on downtown with us." "You sic'd the cops on me?" "Hunter - of course I didn't!" There's two more waiting outside as they WALK away! Stephanie protests, but the cops won't let her talk them out of this - or come along. Foley meets them on the way and quickly gets apprised of the situation. Maybe Foley's priorities are a little messed up, though - he's more worried about what this does to the main event! Foley says it'll have to be Guerrero vs. Angle - but that's not fair...Guerrero has Chyna and Angle has nobody...but wait! If *Stephanie* stands in Kurt's corner... Stephanie is more inclined to follow that unmarked car to the local constabulary, but I bet when we come back from this break, she'll have been coerced into the main event...
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Maybe I've been lucky, but I've managed to COMPLETELY avoid that UPN bumper tonight....until now
One more reminder about RAW's special time on Monday. Cole says "record breaking audience" again.
EDDIE GUERRERO (with That Slut Chyna...and Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. KING KURT ANGLE (with Stephanie Ono) - Stephanie is reluctant...but out there nonetheless. Angle asks her to hold the medals. Angle hits the ring and turns his back to Stephanie again; Guerrero elbows him in the back of the head. Right, right, right, right, into the ropes, up and over, back elbow by Guerrero. Clothesline out of the ring. Chyna with a forearm. Angle gives Chyna a look - and takes a swing. She ducks, but Eddie is there on the spin to pop him one. Right, right, back into the ring. RC Edge Double Feature of Chyna's crappy forearm. Guerrero with a brainbuster (!) for 2. Right, right, right left right left right, right, referee "Blind" Earl Hebner tells Guerrero that here in the main event, we don't throw closed fists unless we follow it up with a People's Elbow! Guerrero puts Angle in the ropes, Angle goes behind, waistlock, German suplex release. Stomp by Angle. Angle manhandles Guerrero through the ropes to the floor. Angle goes outside as well. Got the chair - but Chyna is over to grab it from him. As they struggle over the chair, Eddie elbows him from behind. Chyna hands *Eddie* the chair...but Angle manages to shield himself with Chyna. Eddie halts his swing...and Chyna's trick knee acts up. The low-speed chase is on - Eddie swings - and misses, hitting the post instead. Apparently, on the ricochet, he caught his own ribs as well. Angle rolls in - Guerrero back in. Guerrero with European uppercuts in the corner. Sat on top - huracanrana! Cover...2. Another European uppercut. Running at Angle, who drops down and dumps him over the top rope onto the apron. Block, right...and Guerrero drops down, colliding with Stephanie on the floor! Stephanie takes offense and slaps him one. Angle with a baseball slide dropkick to the distracted Guerrero. Chyna coming over to meet Stephanie, but Hebner slides out to keep her from reaching her. Angle puts Guerrero back in the ring, and follows. Right, right, right, and Eddie goes down. Right by Guerrero, clubbing blow by Angle. Repeat this. Angle pulls Eddie up - suplex. 1, 2, nope. Who filed that complaint? Eddie with a right, right, whip is reversed, Angle pulls Guerrero into a belly-to-belly...for 2. Angle with a right, right, right, Eddie goes down again. Angle stomps. Angle with a right, Guerrero kicks back. Into the ropes, sleeper by Guerrero! Angle turns into it and hits the death suplex. Stephanie on the apron, *Chyna* on the apron - Hebner misses Angle hooking the leg. Angle and Guerrero exchange punches, but now the camera is watching Stephanie make her way around the ring, grab Chyna's ankle, fail to pull her off HOWEVER Angle shoves Guerrero off the ropes in JUST the right spot, and Chyna *does* fall off the apron. Angle with a right - got the intercontinental title - waffle! 1, 2, 3! (5:45) Stephanie and Angle have a bit of a chat...but Chyna is in - crappy elbow, crappy elbow, crappy elbow...and a clothesline to take Angle to the outside. She turns to Stephanie and points. Stephanie tries to beg off...but quickly turns into "who do you think you are?" typical McMahon mode. Satisfied, Stephanie starts to leave...but Chyna, after giving the "can you believe she just did that?" look, makes her way over, grabs her by the hair...to the centre of the ring, gutshot, DDT. Angle is back in - and drags her outside the ring, puts an arm over his shoulder and walks off. Eddie's music plays as they walk up the ramp - credits are up and Cole's gonna talk long after the fade--