All right, let's pour another cup of tea (why can't they put caffeine AND ginseng in the same bag? Do you know how much I have to pee drinking TWICE as much tea?) and watch this show and then try to figure out when to go into work and get it online....

UPN Thursday! How long will it be before they sneak Austin into this montage?

TV-PG-DLV One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

Monday Montage - Angle, Triple H, Stephanie, Benoit, Foley, Austin

Opening Credits

BOOM! PYRO MAKE NOISE and once again, it's on. From the sold out Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, MD 5.10.2K (taped 3.10) and en espanol donde sea disponible, this..is WWF SmackDown! The Rock puts the gold on the line against Kane, and Foley makes an Austin decision...but for now, let's apologise for all the talking of Monday with....... a match...

HARDY BOYZ & LITA (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. LO DOWN & JACQUELINE in intergender action - Big highlight package of the impromptu Jacqueline/Lita to-do. That somehow segues into this match, as Jacqueline has found a team searching for respect...hey, still not getting it from me, guys! It's been...what, two months since we've seen Lo Down on this show? *I* don't miss 'em. Jeff and Chaz start - Chaz with a gutshot, right hand, into the corner, Hardy sidesteps, dumped onto the apron, pulling Chaz down to the mat and coming back in with a springboard split-legged moonsault for 2. Tag to Matt, into the corner, Poetry in Motion, D'Lo in - D'Lo down with the double elbow and tandem senton/fistdrop combo. Jackie tries a crossbody but Matt ducks it. Lita really wants the tag to get some of Jacqueline, but Matt forgot Chaz was legal. Chaz up from behind with a fireman's carry into an overhead slam. Putting the boots to him now - blatant choke and referee "Blind" Tim White calls for the break. Tag to D'Lo, open shot, doubleteam, into the ropes, back elbow from Brown. It's been all Matt so far - fighting back, right, right, Brown with a drop toehold through the ropes, where Chaz is waiting to take it to him behind White's back - even Jacqueline with an apron clothesline. Here comes Lita to get her hands on - nope, Chaz with a forearm to her back. Jeff over and everybody separates. Meanwhile, in the ring Brown gets a spinebuster for 2. Tag to Chaz. Open kick, right, forearm, some more doubleteaming. Chaz stands on the neck for 4. While he argues with White, Brown gets in another shot. Bottom rope on the throat off the slingshot. Into the corner, forearm, into the opposite corner, but Matt gets the foot up. Running clothesline - collision in the center of the ring. Who will tag? Tag to D'Lo, tag to Jeff, who flips over the top rope to come in - drop toehold onto the second rope, attacking the legs, standing rana, kick, kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, but Hardy climbs up the corner with no hands and lands a corkscrew moonsault. That may have hurt him as well, as both men are down again. Lita and Jacqueline each reaching for a tag as the other men are out of it - both men tag! Lita with a spear - fists of fire - vertical suplex. Setting her up for a powerbomb, but Chaz takes her out from behind. Now it's really breaking down - Katie, bar that door. Chaz put outside, Brown set up for the double...no, add Jacqueline for a TRIPLE DDT. Jeff leaps over the top rope, landing on Chaz! All four men brawling now on the outside - inside the ring, Lita lands the moonsault (allegedly) on Jacqueline - covering, but White is outside trying to break it up. Brown sneaks in and hits a TOWERING Sky Hi on Lita, then puts Jacqueline on top. White back in - 1, 2, 3!! (5:29) Post-match, Matt is in to beat up D'Lo - big suplex - Jeff on the top rope for the swantonbomb, but Chaz crotches him before he can take off. Jacqueline with an uppernut on Matt. Chaz to the top, superplex/Lo Down combo on Jeff. Play Lo Down's music again! NOW they'll get some respect! Har, har. Meanwhile, the women's champion just got pinned, lest we forget...I'm guessing there's a title shot in Jackie's future...

Backstage, Mick Foley is pacing around, waiting for Austin to arrive. He almost punks out a security guy, thinking it's Austin - only it's a guy with hair...and black. "Hey, Commish! How's it going?" "Yeah...have a nice day..."

By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Hardcore Holly* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.

OH BOY! ANOTHER MONTH OF ADAM SANDLER MOVIE ADS!!!

And now, the Lugz Boot of the Week! From last week's SmackDown!, Austin comes into the ring during a European title match and KICK WHAM STUNNER x 3

WILLIAM REGAL joins our commentators (MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER) for our next match - he's very excited to meet the man who embodies everything about Europe...

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: AL SNOW (with Head) v. X-PAC - Champion enters first because he's decked out in European costumery - this week, Snow is from Transylvania, decked out in Gangrel gear and cape, Head with fangs and a black pompadour (with widow's peak), tossing Count Chocula to the crowd (now THAT'S funny!!), and carrying a photo of Eddie Munster. "What does everybody want..." has been translated to Romanian as a "haunted house" tape plays in the background. Regal: "Do you not know...Transylvania isn't even a country - it's Romania! It's had thousands and thousands of years of history, and it's embodied by a man dressed as a fictitious ghoul with a box of breakfast cereal? He's a cheeky bloody swine is wot he is!" No run-ins tonight, right? Ha! You don't think X-Pac is gonna cleanly job, do ya? Lockup, armdrag from X-Pac, crotch chops aplenty. Lockup, hammerlock by Snow, reversal, hiplock by Snow, cover for 2. "X-Pac Sux!" chant. Gutshot from X-pac, forearm, side headlock, powered out, shoulderblock by X-Pac. Off the ropes, spinning heel kick from Snow is more like a spinning butt lariat. Right hand by Snow, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Snow slides to stop it, but runs into a spinning heel kick. Talking about his mission to each Americans how to live their lives in better ways, Regal says "I have 375 ways which I'll be teaching you over the next few weeks...number one, a please and a thank you cost nothing." Forearm by X-Pac, right, right, knife-edge chop. Snow with a slap, slap, slap, gutshot by X-Pac, kick, chop, into the opposite corner by Snow, nobody home on the followup. Kick trifecta by X-Pac - warming up for the broncobuster...but he may have taken too long, as Snow gets out of the way and X-Pac crotches himself. Snow with a right hand, another right, into the ropes, big clothesline. Scoop...and a slam. Snow up top for the moonsault - overshoots him, but the camera angle is friendly, so he gets 2. Not as bad as Lita's. Snow goes for Head...but X-Pac puts a forearm in Snow's back. Into the ropes, reversed, back body drop by Snow - X-Pac avoids the Head shot and throws Snow over the top rope to the floor. Snow runs into Regal, who helpfully puts him back in the ring. While referee "Blind" Jim Korderas reminds Regal he ISN'T a lumberjack anymore, MR. ASS sneaks out, gives X-Pac the Fame'Asser, then runs back up the aisle. Cover by Snow - 1, 2, 3. (2:53) "Al Snow has besmirched Europe - he has besmirched me by being a European - and I am outraged! This is not the last, believe me! Believe me!" So much for no outside interference, eh? Still...can you imagine a Snow/Regal match? GIVE IT THIRTY MINUTES!!

Outside, Foley meets an arriving limo...but Austin isn't in it. It's....Stephanie!

By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Edge* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.

In case you missed it, Let Us Once Again Take A Special Video Look At the WWF On Capitol Hill. "To the vice-president, Al Gore, and to George W. Bush, the Rock says his patience is running a little thin. In the event that you decide NOT to come to SmackDown! and turn your back on the youth of America, then the Rock says he'll in turn tell 14 million eligible voters that you simply don't care." Umm...and then what? He'll tell them not to vote? He'll tell them to vote for Harry Browne? WHAT? Besides, that "14 million" is what I would call "fuzzy math" - ask Phil Mushnick how many of those millions aren't voting age, and ask 1Bob Ryder how they're using their magic calculator to double and triple count viewers. They'll be HAPPY to tell you!

WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER & BALD VENIS (with Steven Richards) v. EDDIE GUERRERO (with That Slut Chyna) and THE ACOLYTES - Bradshaw and Venis start - Venis with punches, into the corner is reversed and Venis hits hard. Venis tries again with forearms to the face, but runs into a big boot off the ropes. Bradshaw with a clubbing forearm. Tag to Faarooq - open shot, into the ropes, double spinebuster. 1, 2, nope. Right hand by Faarooq, kick, right, right, into the opposite corner, but Venis puts up an elbow. Clothesline, tag. Goodfather stomp, stomp, right, into the opposite corner, Faarooq with a shoulderblock on his way out. Remember when these guys were friends? Tag to Guerrero, who comes in with a dropkick. Body blows in the unfriendly corner as Bradshaw holds onto him. Tag to Faarooq. Into the ropes, reversed, knee from Venis, clothesline by Goodfather. Tag to Buchanan. "King, what is Bull Buchanan wearin' on his head?" "A 'do rag! I think...I don't know." "Right to Censor's into 'do rags?" "Maybe that's a..RTC yamulke...or something, I don't know!" Buchanan working the body in the corner, punches in bunches, stomping away, head to Goodfather's boot, tag to Venis. Into the ropes, double back elbow. Venis covers...but Bradshaw makes the save - then gets in a few extra stomps for good measure. Right hand by Venis on Faarooq. Head to the buckle. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, referee "Blind" Teddy Long issuing a warning. Faarooq manages to recover - right, right, right, Venis rakes the eyes. Into the ropes, big back elbow, elbowdrop, cover...2. Scoop...and a slam by Venis. Tag to Goodfather. Stomp, stomp, stomp, elbowdrop, 1, 2, shoulder up. Tag to Venis. Repeated elbows - but Faarooq manages a spinebuster, and both men are down. Tag to Venis...HOT TAG to Guerrero! He's a house on fire! Into the ropes is reversed, nobody home for Goodfather. Guerrero on top - big missile dropkick...Venis breaks it up. Now it's ALL broken up as all six man get into it. The four non-legal men spill outside as Guerrero goes up top one more time...but Goodfather catches the splash attempt and puts ALL the momentum into a powerslam! 1, 2, 3!! (4:21) Chyna cuts off Richards as he tries to enter the fray, and clotheslines him out. Goodfather tries to get some of Chyna, but the Acolytes put HIM out. Play the Acolytes music 'cause they LOST! Chyna checks on Guerrero.

In the dressing room, Stephanie is met by Triple H. "What are you doing here? I thought I told you to stay at the hotel." "Well, you told me MAYBE I should stay at the hotel - and besides, Hunter, since when do you tell me what to do?" After catching himself trying to contradict THAT statement, Helmsley instead turns to the subject of Stephanie being a target when she's out at ringside. Monday, she cost him the #1 Contendership. Stephanie, starting to tear up, says it was Benoit who cost him, not her. H says this isn't personal, it's business. He wants them separate - it's a business decision, and she's a liability. He can't sit back and watch her get hurt. "I'm a liability? Maybe I just shouldn't be here at all then." And she walks out ready to burst into tears.

Meanwhile, Mick Foley sits in his office (he's found a jail cell?) and ponders Austin's fate...

Whoa, "Seven!" on Tuesday! I guess the FOX rights ran out? That's some awesome movie, I must tell ya.

By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Scotty 2 Hotty* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.

UPN "WWF Smackdown!" bumper

Hey, that "7 Days" is a pretty good show, too. I mean, if you're gonna watch Star Trek anyway, you might as well tune in an hour early.

Hey, lookit me! I'm a big walking UPN advert!

What the...did I just see an ad for meth?

WWF Sunday Night Heat on MTV ad

TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ and RAVEN v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ - "Well, Michael, my mood is startin' to change, right now." "*clearing throat longer then necessary* I will reserve my comments for my show, Sunday Night Heat, LIVE on MTV! Now, heeeeeeeeere's Raven!" Raven has an OvalTron video now, but we don't get to see too much of it. Two weeks ago on RAW, Raven gave Buh-Buh Ray Dudley a DDT, helping Tazz win a match. "First of all, I'd like to protest the shameless attempt by this horrid piece of urban blight called the city of Baltimore, for....for attempting to ride on my coattails by naming their third-rate football team after me, the Ravens. WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT RAVEN?" Amazingly, this is NOT a six-man match. Tazz and D-Von start. Gutshot by Dudley, into the ropes, jumping back elbow. Into the ropes, reversed, low bridge by Raven. Raven with a side Russian legsweep INTO the barricade - yowch. Crowd wants table, go figure. Back in the ring, Tazz stomping away. Repeated rights. Tag to Raven - doubleteam in the corner, brought out, back into the same turnbuckle, there MUST have been an edit here because I can't figure out how they magically transport to a different corner so they can whip him into THAT opposite corner, then drive his head to the mat. Right by Tazz. D-Von fires back, right, duck, Tazzmission! Arm falls once, arm falls twice, Buh-Buh Ray comes in and drops an elbow. Tazz to the top - going for a somersault senton (!) but there's no water in that pool. Buh-Buh Ray leads the cheers - there's the hot tag! Raven in as well, Dudley clothesline, clothesline, sidewalk slam, shot for Tazz on the apron - scoop and a slam for Raven, "wassup" spot (naturally, referee "Blind" Chad Patton is dealing with Tazz on the apron) - D-Von, get the table. Tazz punks out D-Von on the outside, while Buh-Buh Ray grabs the bell in response. Patton, seeing this, wrests it away from him - Tazz with a shot to the back. Tazz takes the bell and hits the ring - then puts it in position for Raven's drop toehold of D-Von! Buh-Buh Ray back in - double clothesline - HE'S got the bell - bell shot for Tazz - bell shot for Raven - Patton actually sees THAT one and calls for the bell...of course, with no bell...well, it's still a disqualification. (DQ 3:03 Acid) Tazz' music is cut short as Buh-Buh Ray brings the table into the ring anyway. Raven gets the superbomb through the table. Play their music! Testify! Still, it's Raven and Tazz with the push - I mean, win

Hey, look! It's Stone Cold Steve Austin arrived at the arena! And he's WALKING!

Meanwhile, we look back at Foley - who upends his card table full of toys in angry fashion. Now he, too, is WALKING!

By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Rikishi* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.

You're watching UPN!

WWF SmackDown returns in a moment on UPN!

Chris Jericho eats Check Boyardee Overstuffed Beef Ravioli - did they already give up on the Italian Sausage Ravioli? It DID kinda suck

Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley is WALKING! Wow, it must have been a LOOOOOONG way from the Helmsley locker room to her limousine. But she looks back...is she really leaving or not?

COMMISSIONER McFOLEY comes out...with EIGHT COPS AND/OR MCW WORKERS. "I guess everybody can see, by the looks of things, I've got something important to say here tonight, and I have a feeling that not many of you are going to like it....least of all, me. But I want you to understand that Stone Cold Steve Austin--" I hear glass, here comes STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. The cops are positioned around the ring, but it's only Foley meeting Austin *in* the ring. "I got one question, I just wanna know if you've found the coward that ran me over at Survivor Series." "Let me explain something, first--" "Noo, it's a yes or no question." "Well, Steve I'm trying to explain--" "IIIIIt's a yes or no question. Did you find the man or not?" "No, Steve Austin, I did not--" "Okay, let me tell you...if you didn't find the man that ran me over, I can tell by the mealy-mouth jack(beep) you got surroundin' the ring, you got something really important to say, so why don't you just go ahead and spit it out." "I agreed to take this job under two conditions - one, I was going to have fun doing it, and number two, as a retired wrestler, nobody was going to take their aggressions out on me by putting their hands on me. Now to be damn honest with you, Steve, I had a good time until you showed up. Now, not only is my job not fun, my job sucks. Second, since you got here, you saw fit to put your hands on me - hell, Steve, you didn't just put your hands on me, you embarrassed me; you beat the hell out of me on national television. So whether you want to believe it or not, maybe you don't trust anybody, but the fact is, I have been on your side, I have given you chances, I have been patient, and you have not been cooperative! So you really leave me no choice." "Let me tell you something about fun, Mick - you want to talk about fun? Fun for Stone Cold Steve Austin was to come back to This Very Ring. Fun for Stone Cold Steve Austin is finding the man that ran me down, and torture him like the dog that he is! And you talk about being a commissioner, and gettin' beat up, (Beep) (Beep), Mick, you're the toughest man I've ever been in the ring with, you got a Stone Cold Stunner because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that's as close to an apology as you're gonna get from me! You know before I got hurt, Mick, I ate, slept, drank the World Wrestling Federation. Since I got taken out, I eat, sleep and drink revenge! You try walkin' to your mailbox for a solid year when you ain't workin' - them paychecks stop comin' but they'll send all the bills every single day of the week - a man's gotta eat, Mick! I don't think you really understand what I'm saying, so...if you can understand the fact Stone Cold Steve Austin wants his revenge, gimme a hell yeah!" "Hell yeah!" "And if you can understand a man's gotta eat, gimme a hell yeah!" "Hell yeah!" Crowd's just happy he's talkin' to 'em. "There's a little brain in this head, Mick - I ain't sayin' it's necessarily 100% but this is the way I think, and this is the way I am, and I ain't gonna change for you or nobody, and there ain't nothin' you can do about it." "When I headed down to the ring on Monday night, you know what I'm thinkin'? I'm thinkin' if there's anybody else interfering in matches, they'd be gone and out of the WWF. And I'm also thinking about 1991 and 1992, Steve Austin and Mick Foley splitting a $20 room to save a few bucks, riding in a little crapbox car to save a few bucks. So I'm thinking, maybe I'll just try to save face with the boys, maybe I'll give Steve Austin a little fine, a little slap on the wrist, thinking by this point in your life, you've save enough money that no amount of fine I give you is gonna mean a damn anyway. But then, what you did, Steve, you went and put your hands on me. And all of a sudden, my decision changed, because you left me no other alternative, but starting now, until we find out who ran you over, to suspend you indefinitely." "Well then I'm gonna ask you one time, Stone Cold Steve Austin to Mick Foley, to reconsider." "When I said that you left me no alternative, that was my answer - the answer is no." "And when you said no, you left Stone Cold Steve Austin no alternative--" KICK WHAM STUNNER #17 (thanks nTo) The cops follow Austin back up the ramp as Foley gives us a reaction shot.

By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Mr. Perfect* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Moments Ago, three or four sentences ago. Here's another angle. Another look at the cops and Austin. Apparently, Austin was told to get in his truck and leave - and that's just what he did.

Our commentators mull over what we've just seen - and how a neck injury couldn't keep Austin down...but the comissioner just did.

KING KURT ANGLE (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Activision's Spiderman - hey, remember Parker Brother's Spiderman for the Atari 2600?, Burger King, and the WWF Shop Zone (dotcom) and EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. RIKISHI & TOO COOL (with Victoria & Mandy) as Six Man Madness continues - "You know, Your Olympic Hero is on a roll! A bit of a streak if you will. I beat the Rock last week. I beat Triple H last Monday night. I'm sure that I will beat my opponents tonight. And at No Mercy, I will beat whoever holds the title at the time and become your next WWF Champion. And it's only fitting that I'm on this streak here in Baltimore, Maryland, home of the legenday Cal Ripken. Because unlike Cal Ripken, my streak will actually MEAN something! Because, unlike Cal Ripken, I will end this streak on top - not some washed up, over the hill has been who's playing with a bunch of losers! It's true - oh, it's true! Now I don't like to talk about losers - I like to talk about winners. So let me introduce you to my tag team partners - two-time and soon to be three-time WWF tag team champions - my pals, Edge and Christian." Wow, this is almost like CONTINUITY or something, huh? Angle and Edge & Christian being friends, I mean. Edge and Sexay lock up...side headlock by Sexay, into the ropes, shoulderblock by Sexay, dancing, off the ropes, leapfrog by Edge, catching the foot, but unprepared for the enzuigiri. Side headlock, tag to Hotty, Edge powers out but Sexay slides through - a doubleteam upend doesn't work as Edge flips out - his double clothesline misses, and there's a double atomic drop. Owww. Edge holds his crotch and hops up and down - Too Cool decide that that should be a new, hot dance move and THEY start doing it. Head to the mat - Christian in, gutshot and slam from Sexay. Hotty tags Rikshi for a double drumstick drop to BOTH Edge and Christian. Angle tries a sunset flip on Rikishi - no. Big butt drop. Tag to Hotty - Edge sent in - Hotty dropkick off the ropes. Into the ropes is reversed, Christian puts up a boot but Christian turns around and gives him a shot - AND a shot for Angle - but Edge is ready with a spinning heel kick when he turns back. Tag to Christian, stomp, stomp, stomp. Hotty with a right, right, right, off the ropes, Christian with a gutshot, suplex, holding on for a second, holding on AGAIN for the reverse neckbreaker - but only gets 2 after all that, when Sexay breaks it up. As referee "Blind" Mike Chioda puts Sexay back in his corner, Hotty is tripleteamed in the unfriendly corner. Tag to Angle. Kick, kick, kick. Slap in the corner, Hotty turns it around and throws five (count 'em) rights. Into the ropes, reversed, duck, gutshot and DDT by Hotty. He really should tag out, you know. Crowd starts the "American Males" clap as both partners reach - Rikishi gets it. Right, right, into the ropes, Angle ducks, but Rikishi hits a Samoan Drop. Down goes Christian, down goes Edge. Double clothesline for those two. Christian sent into Angle in the corner, Edge added to the stack. Tag to Sexay - Rikishi pats his ass and sends him in - and now Rikishi runs into the pile with a fat ass splash. Hotty bulldogs Christian - and now it's time for that W O R M HOO HOO HOO HI-YA. Meanwhile, Angle has flumped down in the corner - so howz about a nice stinkface? Edge gets a superkick from Sexay and I DARE you to remember who's legal. Angle runs at Hotty with a clothesline - that's ducked - and there's a superkick from Hotty! Rikshi and Edge fighting on the outside as Hotty sets up Angle on the inside - Sexay's goggles are going on - but out bounces STEPHANIE ONO - shove for Sexay and he flips to the mat hard. Olympic Slam! 1, 2, 3! (4:41) That's right - BOTH MEN WERE LEGAL. Angle duly celebrates his victory and we're out to the break.

By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Bobby "the Brain" Heenan* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.

WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on UPN!

Moments Ago, Stephanie just helped Angle win the match

In the dressing room, we see that Triple H has been watching the monitor - hey, Hunter, why the long face? Stephanie comes in as H starts to ask her why she just helped Angle. "You know what, Hunter? Maybe you're forgetting just how helpful I can be to you in the ring. Maybe - maybe you are - maybe you're forgetting how we got together in the first place. Because of who I am - I'm a McMahon! I grew up in this business. I've been around it all my life, and I know quite a bit about it - dare I say, maybe more than you. I can be extremely valuable and helpful, and I am an excellent business partner. So why did I help Kurt? To show you that." H says all she showed him is that she could have been hurt...again. "The only thing that's hurting me....is you. I'll see you at the hotel."

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) v. ALBERT (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) - Champ enters first because "this is MY house!" Blackman ducks the first punch and strikes - now back and forth - neither man giving ground - Albert tries the double choke, but Blackman strikes with a karate chop to the temple to avoid the bomb. Gutshot, into the ropes is reversed, Blackman slides under, Albert avoids a roundhouse kick, yah gutshot, into the ropes, yaaaah collision. Stratus goes under the ring and gives some signs to Albert, who delivers another kick to keep Blackman down. Albert runs at Blackman swinging a sign, but Blackman takes him over with an armdrag! Heart punch, but Albert smacks him with a sign. Meanwhile, Stratus has put the bag o' tricks in the ring, but Blackman is there first - and he's got the sticks. "Ohhhh - IT'S PARTY TIME!" Blackman gives a stick demonstration while Albert looks at his signs... and suddenly feels inferior. Albert runs at him - and misses - Blackman hits an arm and the sign's let go. Albert tries again - another miss, another hit, and another sign dropped on the canvas. Albert runs at him with NO signs - that doesn't work any better. Blackman hits him 169 times in three seconds! Ready for the stick-in-the-crotch drop, but Albert manages to yaah elbow out of the situation. Yah gutshot, yaaah double underhook half hour suplex. Only 2! Overhand forearm to the back. Albert motions to Stratus - then drapes Blackman across the bottom rope. Stratus swings a garbage can lid - WHACK. A second lid is tossed to Albert. Blackman into the ropes, but he does a front flip and avoids the swing! Blackman picks up a lid - Albert runs at him but gets caught at the knees! Whack in the back. "We're having FUN now!" Discus lid to the back. Blackman outside - he's got the fire extinguisher and the kendo stick. Stratus climbs up on the apron and removes her hat - and her jacket. Blackman regards Stratus - then gives her a spray with the CO2 to cool her off a bit. Albert got just enough recovery time as he puts down Blackman from behind. Albert checks on Stratus...and eats a kick in the ribs. Fire extinguisher shot for Albert. Blackman up top with the kendo stick...RIGHT across the head - 1, 2, 3. (3:30)

Stephanie is WALKING! to her limousine. Angle catches up to her...to thank her. "Listen, Steph...I know what Hunter said to you - and I think he's the crazy one! You don't have to prove anything to me - I know what a tremendous asset you can be to anyone in the ring - I mean, you proved it back there, Steph. Your father is Vince McMahon - he created the World Wrestling Federation - nobody knows more than you do. And this has nothing to do with my personal feelings, with my feelings towards you. This is strictly a business request, Steph, but it would be my honour if you would accompany me to the ring...on a permanent basis. Whaddaya say?" "I'll think about it - but Kurt...thank you. Thanks for appreciating what I do." "Oh, you're welcome, Steph. Any time - hey, let me get that for you. Thanks Steph." And the limo drives off. Hey, I wonder if Triple H was watching the monitor THEN. Somebody needs to tell Angle it was Vince's *grandfather* who actually built the company, but...well, it WAS the W*W*WF at the time, I guess...eh.

By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Owen Hart* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.

In case you missed it Monday, Let Us Take A Special Video Look at Chyna's Media Sweep. Somehow, I've completely managed to avoid seeing her spread - I mean, her nekkid pictures.

Here's a look at WWF New York

CHRIS BENOIT has a few words to share. "So tonight, it's KANE versus THE ROCK....for the WWF title. Commissioner Foley screws over Chris Benoit once again. So what. So Kane - the big red freak - gets his shot at the title. So what. So the Rock walks away one more night without facing the man that cannot be proved wrong. So what? I don't care if it's the People's Joke, Kane the big red freak, or the almighty Foley himself...one way or another--" The Y2J countdown interferes at this point - looks like CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO has a counterpoint. "Benoit, instead of whining and griping, here's an idea - would you please SHUT THE HELL UP. *I* also know what it feels like to have the World Wrestling Federation championship around my waist, only to have it stripped away moments later - but you don't see me coming out here and crying and moaning about it! Besides, there's so many other things that you can complain about. I mean, you can complain that you have a midget head on a normal-sized body...or you can complain about the fact that Benoit in French means 'gap-toothed jackass' - or here's one, you can complain about the fact that in front of all these Jerichoholics, Y2J is gonna challenge you to a match, right here on SmackDown!, tonight. So complain about that, jerky!" Jericho drops the mic and meets Benoit at the bottom of the ramp - punches are traded, now it's Benoit kicking, Jericho comes back, double leg, trading punches again. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner comes out and separates them. Jericho runs for Benoit, who drops and puts Jericho shoulder-firsts into the STEEL ringpost. Throwing Jericho into the ring, Benoit follows and Hebner asks for the opening bell...

CHRIS BENOIT v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - Benoit stays on him with a right, elbow, kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, words for Hebner. Into the opposite corner is reversed, back elbow to the back of the head by Jericho. Big knife-edge chop, chop, Benoit reverses a whip, holds on and drops into the Crippler crossface - Jericho fights it, elbowing, tumbling forward, and breaking free - double leg takedown and now HE'S going for the Walls of Jericho! Benoit punches him in the face to try to break *that* hold - and a kick in the face seals the deal. Forearm by Jericho. Benoit fires back - sending Jericho into the post. Right hand by Benoit. Knife-edge chop. Chop. Into the opposite corner is reversed, but Benoit gets the foot up - but runs into a heel kick by Jericho! Jericho right, right, chop, into the ropes is reversal, flying jalapeno. Jericho off the ropes with the bulldog - cover - only 2! Jericho picks him up - chop, into the ropes, reversal, holding on, Jericho gutshot, going for a piledriver, Benoit falls backwards and HE'S got him in position - but piledrivers are punishable by fines and suspensions, so Benoit only hits a shoulderbreaker instead. That's it, says Benoit - he's going up top for the swandive headbutt. But Jericho makes it over to take his feet out from under him. Jericho climbing up - superplex? No, MID-AIR HURACANRANA! (He learned that one from his brother, David Jericho - it looks *just* as frightening when Chris does it.) Aw shit, here's THE NEW MAN out to spear Benoit. (DQ 2:47) H works over Benoit until the rest of the REFS & OFFICIALS come out to break them up. Benoit goes outside...then comes back in with a chair - WHACK! He starts stomping on H since God *knows* eight refs and two officials can't manage to keep him away. H tries to fight back - somehow, they manage to pull them apart - but it's only temporary as Benoit flies back over to a bleeding Triple H. Again they're separated. For some reason, they play Triple H's music...I guess, 'cause he's the face. What? Maybe they told him "if you bleed, we'll play your music!"

By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Johnny Grunge* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Moments Ago, we were denied a free Benoit/Jericho match, thanks to Triple H, chairshot, blood.

Our commentators talk about Triple H's bad night. He's been taken to the hospital. Ready for the punchline? He apparently wasn't booked to do anything tonight, and he should have just stayed home!!

LILIAN GARCIA stands with Orator Kane. "The Rock. The People's Champion. The WWF Champion. The man who has everything. Well, tonight, I'm gonna take the thing that is most important to him - the WWF title. Rock, you say 'just bring it,' well I'll bring it like no one else has, because you see, Rock, tonight it's just you and me, and NOBODY can save you and NOTHING can stop me from walking out as WWF Champion. Not the Rock Bottom, not the People's Elbow, and especially not the People."

WWF weekend television on TNN ad - LiveWire and Superstars - 10am Saturday and Sunday!

By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Brian Knobbs* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.

WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on UPN!

Commentators shill "Freedom," debuting 27 October ... ONLY on UPN!

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: WELL IT'S KANE (with Presto presents No Mercy LIVE on the 22nd) v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLL - Lawler spends just *a bit more* than enough time bringing up Kane's sudden gift of gab, "transformation," and "I wonder who's influencing Kane" to make me wonder if a possible storyline is in the pipeline...maybe one involving Paul Bearer? Your referee is Tim White. Staredown in the middle of the ring as the crowd chants "Rock E." Rock blocks the first right from Kane, right, right, right, right is blocked, uppercut by Kane, uppercut, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, back elbow by Rock. Kane tries to pick him up - but Rock falls back to his feet and hits a side Russian legsweep for 1. Rock Bottom attempt is elbowed away. Kane uppercuts Rock out of the ring...and follows. Kane takes Rock's head to the barricade. Right. Head to the commentary table. Rock over to the timekeeper's table - Kane tries to put his head in the bell, but only manages to hit the table. Kane chases off White...then comes back to eat a bellshot from the Rock! Kane's head meets the commentary table. Right hand. Into the barricade is stopped and Kane puts a knee into Rock's abdomen. Kane drops Rock on the barricade - then backs up into the cameraman, oops. Rock struggling to his feet - Kane with a right hand. Right. Rolled back in the ring, Kane positions Rock for an elbow to the heart. Another big right from the floor to Rock on the apron. Kane back in - Rock back on him - right, right, off the ropes - Kane with a big boot. 1, 2, Rock rolls the shoulder up. Kane throttles the Rock for 4. Vertical suplex. 1, 2, shoulder up. Head to the buckle. Kane with a right. Right. Rock pulls him into the corner, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, reversal, Rock puts up a back elbow. Rock runs in...into a huge sidewalk slam. 1, 2, shoulder up. Kane stomps as the crowd comes alive. Kane whips Rock into a kick in the gut. Right hand, right, into the ropes, head down, Rock with a kick. Kane tries a clothesline, but it's ducked - Kane off the ropes, into a Samoan Drop! But he pops right back up. Rock right, into the ropes, Kane holds on, Rock ducks, gutshot and DDT by the Rock. Hooks the leg - only 2. Kane blocks a right and lets one loose of his own. Into the ropes is reversed - Rock with a spinebuster! He's not going to try the People's Elbow - well, he is, but he's gonna be caught in a choke...Rock kicks out of the choke, but is scooped up onto Kane's shoulder the next time he comes in - big powerslam. Kane going up top...let's see if his feet hit before the clothesline does. Well, that spoilsport the Rock just leaned against the ropes and crotched Kane, so now we'll NEVER know. Right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Kane falls off the top turnbuckle to the floor. Rock out after him - get out of the way, cameraman - Kane into the barricade. Rock ready to whip Kane across the floor, but Kane turns back and whips Rock back to the barricade - and into White! Kane with a clothesline. Kane stomping away on the Rock as KING KURT ANGLE comes out with a chair - WHACK for Kane! WHACK for the Rock! WHACK for Kane, one more time! Angle backs up the ramp, mouthing some unkind words. We look back - White is out, Rock is out, Kane is out. Nobody's moving...now White is back in the ring and putting on a ten count from his belly. 3....4....5.....6...zombie situp! 7....8.....Rock put back in the ring and Kane follows. Kane poised for the chokeslam....Rock staggers to his feet. CHOKESLAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!!!! Kane hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, White is finally over.... 1........2......... NO!!!!!!!!! Kane pounds the mat in frustration and makes several gestures to the referee. He waits for Rock to get up, then decks him with an uppercut - another uppercut - Rock hasn't left his feet - ready for the third - ROCK BOTTOM! And now...the hell? RIKASHMONEY is out, and going *right* for Kane. White glimpses this, and calls for the bell. AhhhhBULLSHIT*cough* (DQ 9:12) Kane leaves the ring as his music plays. He's announced the winner. The rest of the REFS come out to make sure Kane doesn't come back. In the ring, Rock gets to his feet...and has some questions for Rikishi. Rikishi taps his heart and gives Rock two fingers. Rock is all "yeah, yeah, I feel you, but what the heck is up with the..." Kane's back in the ring with a clothesline for the Rock - and now he and Rikishi are going at it - CHOKESLAM for Rikishi! But now Rock is back over - right, right, right, EXTRA LONG spit right to take Kane outside the ring. Play the Rock's music! Send 'em home happy, Vince! Kane points a finger and backs up the ramp...credits are up and I'm out.

I GET LETTERS: Renard Adams has an on-site: Hey CRZ

Your reports are the funniest on the web. I attended the Smack!Down tapings in Baltimore last night. Sorry, I can't give you a detailed report, I was too busy drinking beers and marking out. : ) Just wanted to tell you about two funny signs that were in the crowd. I don't know if they made TV, but I hope so. First Sign: American Flag that reads: Kurt Angle, Olympic Pimp. Second sign ( on the side of the entrance way closest to the ovaltron): I care about Raven. Funny stuff

HHH was waaay over during the entire show, especially during the Heat tapings.

Overall the show was great and the pyro was unreal. Television does not do the explosions any justice. Kane's pyro is by far the loudest, followed by Tazz (which surprised me), The Dudleyz, Jericho and Kurt Angle.

Assuming I get better this weekend, I'll try to go out, by a modem (and Mac cable) and be back on schedule Monday. I'll make it up to you, though, with bonus "Women of Wrestling" coverage! SEE YA!