WWF. Even God is watching.

Long-time SOMETHING Lars Hoel weighs in again: CRZ,

If you're going to transcribe Mr. William Regal's commentary (WWF RAW 10/9/00), you're going to have to get hip to some Britspeak. Looking at Trish Stratus, Regal did not say "She's a buxom wench, isn't she? Nice bristles!" as you have it in your current report. He actually said "nice bristols," which is Cockney rhyming slang for breasts. Ted Duckworth's Web site (http://www.peevish.co.uk/slang/) explains:

bristols Noun. Breasts. From the rhyming slang Bristol City - titty.

By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Mamie Van Doren* that ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Hey, Lars - don't correct me and then follow it with a GREVIOUS error - okay?

Kick me when I'm down - Linus Ingoldby also offers: Hi CRZ I know you feel this deeply and that accuracy is your watchword, so I'd just like to tell you that when Steve Regal was referring to 'Nice Bristols' on Trish Stratus, it's rhyming slang. Bristol City=titty, what cards the English are. I really like reading your recaps, keep up the good work.

Big Nate fills in a gap from Monday: The detective that they made fun of in "Murder By Death," I believe is Hercule Poirot (pronounced Poo-wa-ro), a detective used in novels by Agatha Christie like Murder on the Orient Express and Death on the Nile. He's a Belgian who everyone he meets (stupid British people) think he's French. Anyhoo, Foley followed Poirot's usual formula...eliminating each suspect by interviewing them one by one. Then provided the answer at the end with something only he saw. Funny thing, my dad made the comment that he's doing "Poirot."

See, if my mom had been watching, she would have said the same thing. It must be generational - 'cause I NEVER got through a Christie novel, and I KNOW she's read like ALL of them. Thanks Nate.

Maddog2o1 asks: i would like to become a wwf westler how do i do it

Maddog, you must twain, say your pwayers and take your vitamins...and always beweive in yoursewf.

And finally, Gav Duenas does what all the kids are doing: Chris

Just wanted to be a smart-ass and correct your English!!..... Regal was not referring to Trish Stratus' "bristles", what he actually said was "bristols". It's cockney rhyming slang for tits/breasts/whatever: Bristol Cities = titties. (Bristol City is my local football, not soccer, team. and they are rubbish). Does this make any sense? Does RIKISHI RUNNING DOWN STONE COLD make any sense? should've been Robert Fuller, he has motives. or bobby eaton, still pissed off that a rookie Austin went over him in 1991. or lee majors, he's got blond hair these days, and he must HATE Austin.

Hey, the CLOSED CAPTIONING guy said "bristles" as well, so I took a guess. Thank GOD we got it corrected, though, RIGHT??

Quite a few of you have had a problem with me bringing up Yokozuna. "Yokozuna? He's JAPANESE! JAPANESE!" you cry. Now I KNOW that Mr. Fuji walked around with him, and I KNOW he waved a Japanese flag, but you can't let that blind you! Or should I say deafen you, because the deal is: *EVERY* time you actually LISTENED to a WWF television program which had Yokozuna wrestling, he was always *always* ALWAYS *ALWAYS* announced as "hailing from the Polynesian islands." If you actually LISTENED, you knew he wasn't Japanese - he was merely a tool of Mr. Fuji to get Japan over. I mean, you didn't think he was *American* when he carried around that *USA* flag, DID YOU? So stop writing me with "Yokozuna was JAPANESE!" because *I* have the tapes and *I* pay attention and *you* need to be more like *me* and I don't want to have to talk down to you like this EVER AGAIN, okay? Okay!

Oh, and somebody keeps mailing me SWEARING that the WWF is going to buy WCW and we'll hear about it by the end of the month. If I were into rumours, I'd spread this one, but we all know I'm not that kind of writer. Heh heh heh.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "By the way, if you ask me, I think it was probably *Rikishi Phatu* who ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin." - ME! from last week's SmackDown! report, proving that I'm a FREAKING CLAIRVOYANT (as long as you ignore all the other names I listed)

If you ARE wondering when they decided Rikishi was the driver, you might want to take into consideration that they taped him dancing with Too Cool in this UPN bumper...or you might not.

TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

Opening Credits - Close Captioned - Rikishi's "you are there" buttdrop is still in it

PYRO! SIGNS! From the sold out Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA and Transmitido En Espanol SAP Columbus Day (the REAL Columbus Day) 2K (taped 10.10), this is WWF SmackDown!

Outside the arena, a Stone Cold Ford pickup is parked - and in the driver's seat, Stone Cold Steve Austin seems none too happy about things. We are told he's been there since early in the morning - and he's waiting for Rikishi.

TONIGHT: Triple H & Road Dogg take on Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn! And Kane and Kurt Angle go at it once again!

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. LO DOWN (already in the ring) in a table match - Lo Down try to get a jump on those bearing the table, but they raise the table and they slide out under it to the floor - then they bowl them over with the table. Punchfest ensues, but now some music starts and out come...well, let's call 'em DOUBLE GOLD, who join the commentary team as everybody gets back in the ring and the opening bell sounds. Pier Four brawl continues. "Mira! Mira!" "Who are you guys?" "Uno." "Dos." "Uno." "Dos." They *are* identified as the Conquistadors. Every question is answered with "Si, Senor." Cole identifies their language as Latin and not Spanish. "Wassup!" for each man. "Arriba!" "D-Von, get the tables!" Why's that guy in the front row have a chicken with him? Lawler says they need Hugo and Carlos out with them to translate. Suplex through the table ends up not through the table as Chaz moves it out of the way. D-Von tossed, Chaz whipped in by Buh-Buh Ray but he puts an elbow up. Tornado DDT. "Chimichanga!" "Burrito burrito!" Table to Buh-Buh Ray's gut. Dropkick to the...lower abdomen. "Do you have a favourite in this match?" "Si senor!" Chaz with a rana off the second rope - but D-Von moves the table just in time. "Mil Mascaras!" "Essa Rios!" It's finally a one-on-one as Brown punches Buh-Buh Ray - but he comes back with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine." Atomic drop from the full nelson. "Dos." "Uno." Each man tags - down goes Chaz! Down goes Chaz! Another right! Into the ropes, jumping DDT. Brown in, Brown out. Dudley Device on Chaz. Table set up AGAIN, but Brown is in and Buh-Buh Ray is tossed. Sky high (not through a table) on D-Von. Isn't that that Sliders dude in the front row? D-Von put on a table - Brown going up - Buh-Buh Ray crotches him just in time, though. Crowd knows it's coming...3D! Dudley Death Drop! (6:10) "Si senor!" "Si senor!" "Si senor!" You know what we need? Stevie Ray popping in and saying "HIS HOUSE!"

Let Us Take a Special Video Look at Eddie Guerrero & Chyna...and GTV...and Mr. Ass.

Our commentators are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. Is it just me or is that Michael Clarke Duncan doing a lot of mugging directly behind them?

TONIGHT: Chris Jericho & Billy Gunn vs. X-Pac & Eddie Guerrero!

UP NEXT: Rock sits down for a chat with Jim Ross

Austin's still in his truck. Did he have to pee today? What'd he do THEN?

Wow, that was a hell of an opening segment compared to the talkfests we've had to endure. Three matches were announced, we HAD a match, stuff to come...yeah! Do THIS instead of twenty minutes of yakkin'! YEAH!

This Sunday on "WWF Superstars," you'll meet Moongoose McQueen, the leader of Fozzy, and learn his feelings towards Chris Jericho - Sunday at 10am on TNN!

Here's a picture of Rikishi

And Here's a Special Video Look at the Mystery of Who Ran Over Stone Cold Steve Austin - starting with a flashback to Survivor Series, moving to Shawn Michaels, through the whole show as Mick Foley talked to lots of other folks, and finally to Rikishi 'fessing up. During the snippets of 'kishi's speech they show pictures of Rogers, Sammartino, Backlund, Hogan and Austin, and also Maivia, Snuka, Afa and Sika, Samu, and the Tonga Kid (but not Haku). Quite an editing job.

Rock, thanks for joining us. Now that some time has passed since RAW, and the fact that Rikishi has confessed to running down Stone Cold Steve Austin like a damned dog, what are your thoughts on this whole heinous matter?

I really don't know what to think about that, JR, I don't know what's more confusing - whether it's the fact that he said that he ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin, or whether it's the fact that we actually know he DID run over Stone Cold, or it's the fact that he said he did it for me.

What about that? What about the fact that Rikishi says "I did this in the name of the Rock. I did this all for the Rock." How does that make you feel? What are your thoughts on that?

How do you think it makes me feel? It makes me sick to my stomach. To think that, you know, with everything I've accomplished here in the WWF, and before Survivor Series, before Steve got ran over, I was already multi-time WWF Champion, as you know. So, you know, for him to say that he did it for me, for him to say that he did it for me so I could rise to the top of the WWF, almost, you know, insinuating, or actually telling me and telling the fans out there - negating everything that the Rock has already done like I couldn't have done it on my own is, is sickening to my stomach. It...it, uh...I don't know what to think when I hear something like that, and, you know, and then, for him to say that he did it for me, and for me to be in the same ring with him, and I looked this man in the eyes, now here's a guy who I knew my whole life, or I thought I knew my whole life, for that matter. And I looked him in the eyes, and he's telling me he did it for me, and I sincerely *believe* that he actually believes he did the right thing...which scares me. Scares the hell out of me.

What do you think about the fact that Rikishi said that the WWF is all about the Great White Hope?

That's a bunch of (beep) to me, JR. For him to sit there and say something like that, for him to bring up all these other guys, all these great champions in the WWF, Bob Backlund, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bruno Sammartino, and to say that our people have been held back...y'know, I mean, I was given the same opportunities everybody else in my family was, from my grandfather, my dad, and we all took advantage of it, as far as I'm concerned. You know, for him to - to throw the race card in there is ...is ridiculous, and for anybody that knows me, knows that that's my biggest - that's my biggest turnoffs, my biggest pet peeve, for somebody to say something like that. But, you know, again, I go back to the fact, JR, that I was in the ring with him - we were all in the same arena that night but I was in the ring with Riksihi, I was in there, Mick Foley was in there, and I looked at him, and he - he honestly believes he did the right thing by running over Steve. He honestly believes that he did the right thing - for uh, for me, for that matter. And what (beep) me off is, is the simple fact that he says, the he casts a doubt in some people's minds out there that... "Well maybe the Rock *couldn't* have got it," well the fact of the matter is he didn't cast a doubt in my mind. You know, I could have done everything I've done here in the WWF with Steve Austin standing right by my side, or right in front of my face for that matter. Either way.

Stone Cold is expected here tonight. What are you gonna say to him when you see him?

I've already talked to Steve. I talked to him Monday night; we were on the phone for an hour. I talked to him this afternoon. I've been talking to him throughout his whole, rehab, so - you know, I hate like hell that it even happened to him, and I was happy as hell for the fact that he came back. You know, I talked to him already, and he knows that I didn't have anything to do with it...and he's, and he's cool with that, but what he's not cool with, obviously, is Rikishi.

And do you have a problem with that as far as Stone Cold having this intense rage at Rikishi?

*laughs* Why would I have a problem with that? Why would I have a problem with Stone Cold wanting to beat the living (beep) out of Rikishi tonight? Quite frankly, sure - and I'm torn, I'm torn between kind of emotions because I've known Rikishi my whole life, and I've never known him to do anything like that, but seeing as he did do it, well he deserves what's coming to him, so no, I have no problem. I have no problem with how Stone Cold feels.

Rock, given the kind of temperament that Austin has today, what kind of advice would you give him?

Well, I'm not here to give Stone Cold advice; that's just not the Rock's way - the Rock doesn't give Stone Cold advice, Stone Cold doesn't give the Rock advice, but I will say this: you know, you and I both know Stone Cold very very well, and I just hope that Steve Austin doesn't do anything to Rikishi that, that Austin's gonna regret for the rest of his life.

Commentators reflect on what we've just heard. They don't want Stone Cold to end up in jail. Lawler points to the part where Rock said he'd be doing just as well WITH Austin in the picture...and says there's only room for one at the top. What WOULD really have happened?

UP NEXT: Gunn (can't call him Ass on UPN!) and Jericho vs. X-Pac & Guerrero!

Look! It's X-Pac - he's WALKING!

And here's Mr. Ass - getting attacked from behind by Eddie Guerrero! Run into the metal garage door! Tire iron! Tire iron!

Was that the old "he wasn't really cleared to compete so we'll trick you with this angle instead" deal?

Hey, this UPN only has WOMEN in it - oh, except for those Hardy Boyz

During the Break, Mr. Ass was loaded up on a stretcher. Commissioner Foley watched - and heard from the EMT's. Guerrero shows up as they take him off to lay in the badmouth. "That's what happens when you mess with Mamacita!" Foley shows some righteous anger and says that his match has just been rebooked as a triple threat IC title match - and it's coming up NOW!

WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO v. X-PAC v. EDDIE GUERRERO in a triple threat match - probably need to get him some new music, huh? Several people have "LATINO CHEAT" signs. Here we go - all three giving each other cagey looks - X-Pac going for Jericho, duck, right by Jericho, right, right, into the ropes, knockdown, 1, 2, Guerrero save, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, shoulderblock by Guerrero.l Up and over, leapfrog by Jericho, monkey flip, right for X-Pac, spinning heel kick for Guerrero, springboard dropkick puts him outside! X-Pac runs for him and HE is thrown to the floor! LiveWire airs Saturday morning on TNN - just look at that graphic! Jericho goes outside with a baseball slide dropkick to Guerrero - but eats a spinning heel kick from X-Pac. Fistdrop. Holding him for Guerrero's rights. All three men back in the ring - X-Pac stomps on Jericho, right, doubleteam stomping - Jericho trying to fight back but it's not working. X-Pac into the gallop - there's the broncobuster, Guerrero egging him on. Kick, right, Jericho fires back on both men, and starts to turn the tide - Guerrero into the ropes, back elbow. Right for X-pac. Hardy Boyz put 'em on the line against Tazz & Raven later! Guerrero into the ropes, reversed, duck, going for the Walls of Jericho but X-Pac breaks that up. Knife-edge chop by 'Pac - chop, calling over Guerrero - double into the ropes, double clothesline. Guerrero pops X-Pac one lest he get too comfortable. Into the corner with Jericho - but Jericho dumps him onto the turnbuckle when he charges in! Clothesline for X-pac, right for Guerrero, right for X-Pac, off the ropes, reversed, flying jalapeno! Guerrero over - into the corner is reversed, Jericho off the ropes with the bulldog - clothesline to put X-Pac outside the ring. Guerrero into the ropes, standing powerbomb - Lionsault! X-Pac with an uppernut before he can capitalise, though - and there's the X Factor! Cover - Guerrero dropkicks him out of the ring - hooks the leg - and retains the title. Wow, X-Pac didn't job? WOTTA SHOCK!! (3:50) X-Pac quickly gets back in to take it to Jericho, but he turns it around - back and forth we go - Tim White calls out the rest of the REFS and they try to get these guys separated.

Outside, we see the glare of police beacons reflected in the Stone Cold headlights. "Hello, Mr. Austin...I hope you don't do what everybody's thinking you're gonna do. Vehicular manslaughter is not what the case is here - it's premediated murder, which is a capital offense, punishable by 25 years to life. Mr. Austin, would you rethink..." but Austin rolls up his power windows and stops listening. The cops decide to drive off.

Golly, I wonder what the PTC thinks about Pat Buchanan buying ad time on SmackDown! I wonder if the WWF will give them any FREE time like they CLAIM they want to do for the Republicans and the Democrats. HAR HAR HAR

UPN bumper - hey! Undertaker! Whatever happened to that guy?

Cypress Hill performs this Sunday on MTV's Heat!

Speaking of Cypress Hill, check out B-REAL in the front row.

Here's a look at Times Square - and WWF New York. This week's guest host on Heat is Mick Foley!

Right to Censor practices their lines in a hall. Kurt Angle shows up and shines 'em on, then suggests that some WWF championship gold would really help them be taken seriously. If they could win the title tonight, we could go into No Mercy with a good, clean, hard-fought, athletic contest, but they'd have a guarantee that a good upstanding member of society that we could all look up to as Champion. "I mean, I get goosebumps just thinking about it! Well, you can't see them, but they're there, trust me." Richards: "Mr. Angle, I like the way you think." "You're welcome - and good luck."

WILLIAM REGAL joins our commentary team. What ARE those chickens doing in the crowd?

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: AL SNOW v. ALBERT (with Trish Stratus, the fitness model) - Snow is representing Hong Kong tonight, dressed in early 20th century Chinese stereotype garb, tossing fortune cookies to the crowd and carrying a photo of Hong Kong Fooey (or, if you're working the close captioning - "Ha Ha Foo" - or "Hacka Fu") Lawler speculates that Snow still thinks Hong Kong belongs to the British, explaining his costumery. Regal on Trish: "Lovely bristols, and a fine bottom as well." Snow with a headlock, powered out into the ropes, big shoulderblock by Albert. Snow ducks the clothesline, superkick, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, knee takes Snow outside. Albert follows - clubbing blow, right, into the barricade. "Where is the sportsmanship?" Right, into the barricade is reversed and Albert hits hard. Kick, kick, forearm, forearm, back into the ring. Snow with a glare for Stratus. Albert with an uppercut when Snow returns - uppercut - uppercut. Now they're trading blows. Now it's all Snow. Albert goes to the eyes. Into the opposite corner, Snow slides to a stop, but runs into a yaaaah clothesline. Catapult into the second rope. Into the ropes, duck, Snow dropkicks the knee. Kick to the back of the knee, another takes Albert down. Big clothesline. Head to the buckle. Right. Right. Into the opposite corner is reversed - yaaaah splash misses. Snow drops out and crotches him on the post - fortunately, referee "Blind" Teddy Long is occupied with Trish and doesn't notice. Snow had Head - Albert ducks. Snow points to Stratus - misses HER as well. Albert has him up with the double underhook - and over with the slam. 1, 2, NO! Set up for a yaaaah powerbomb - Snow tries to drop down with a headscissors, but Albert halts him. Albert yaaaah pulls him back up - Snow peppers him with rights and DOES take him over with the head scissors - and stays on him for the 3! (3:24) Post-match, Albert has Head - Snow tries to kick, but it's caught - enzuigiri lands, however. Snow picks up Head and waffles Albert. Now *Regal* is in - and working over Snow, culminating in a toss over the top rope. Regal strikes a SEXY pose as his music plays.

Outisde, Jim Ross tries to get Austin's attention - his gaze doesn't change, but he DOES roll down his power window. Ross asks him to listen to reason - Austin looks right at him. "All right, easy..."

Road Dogg & Triple H are WALKING!!

And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by THQ's MTV Sports: Pure Ride! From RAW, Chris Benoit manages a pinfall over Triple H thanks to an untimely crotching at the hands of X-Pac.

CHRIS BENOIT (with Presto presents No Mercy...22 October!) and PERRY (with Terri) v. EL PERRO DEL CAMINO and THE MAN - During the break, Foley booked a WWF title match - Rock vs. Val Venis! Will his emotional state come into play tonight? Stay tuned! Pier Four brawl starts us off - Dogg with Saturn and H stomping a mudhole into Benoit. Right hand, Dogg joins him, into the ropes, double spinning back elbow. H mounts him and opens up with rights. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner getting on his case about the closed fists. Benoit manages to recover enough to fire back - kick, kick, kick, H with a right, Benoit kick, chop, kick, kick, kick, elbow, elbow, elbow, into the ropes is reversed, duck, high knee. Tag to Dogg - holding him on tohe second rope for a reverse Boss Man straddle - off the ropes with the wiggly wobbly woogly kneedrop...for 2. Hard sternum-first whip into the corner, big boot puts him down, cover, 2. Benoit manages a gutshot, another, and a death suplex. Saturn gets the tag. Poised and waiting for him to stand - big clothseline. Stomp, stomp, into the ropes, head down, kick by Dogg, off the ropes with a forearm smash that flips Saturn. Into the ropes, but Saturn holds on and drives a knee in the gut. EXPLODAH! Tag to Benoit. Dogg put into the ropes, big knockdown - 1, 2, shoulder up. Backbreaker gets 2. Benoit argues the cadence. Benoit going to an armbar I haven't EVER seen in the WWF. Dogg reaching for the tag - but he's just too far away. Benoit with an elbow, then one for Triple H. Crippler crossface! H is up to make the save, and there's a DDT for Benoit. Saturn wants in but Hebner won't let him. H desperate to get Dogg over to make the tag...but the crowd is erupting in a scattered chant of "Triple H!" Saturn gets the tag - and Dogg gets an elbowdrop in the back, keeping HIM from doing the same. Scoop...and a slam. Saturn to the top rope - moonsault!! Misses. Oh. Dogg pulls himself over to the corner - and makes the HOT TAG! Clothesline for Saturn, one for Benoit, one for Saturn, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, clothesline ducked, H with the hangman's neckbreaker. Right, into the ropes, reversed, head down, facebuster. 1, 2, Benoit breaks it up. Dogg is in and Benoit is out. Into the ropes, double clothesline ducked, Dogg with the left jab while H hits a right in sync. Dogg starts the juke and jive but H won't go along - Dogg shrugs and they both throw a right. Benoit dumped over the top rope and Dogg follows him. H sets up Saturn for the Pedigree...but Terri comes in to try to break it up. H turns to her - and she quickly takes off. Saturn with a forearm in the back, since it's turned...outside the ring, Benoit waffles Dogg with a chair. Elbow by Saturn, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, into a collision with Benoit, and into a Pedigree! 1, 2, 3! Triple H is OVER!! (5:48) Benoit quickly in with the Crippler crossface - H does some screaming for our benefit. Hebner tries to get the hold broken but fails - the rest of the REFS & OFFICIALS are out - Benoit relents for a moment, but then clamps the hold back on - Dogg has recovered and Benoit takes off up the ramp...and smiles...and actually breaks out into laughter!

Mick Foley is WALKING!

Meanwhile, Austin still sits in the truck

WWF Fanatix ad - "The Rock: The People's Champ" airs throughout October!

Moments Ago, H got the pin on Saturn...but it was *Benoit* showing NO MERCY - can you hear the shoulder rippin' and tearin'?

Back in the dressing room, Stephanie tells her husband that that would NEVER have happened if only he'd let HER out at ringside! "I'm a necessary component!" She repeats her request for a reconsideration. "Stephanie, what part of no don't you understand?" "I understand completely..." and she walks off. H tries to rotate his shoulder, and feels pain...

COMMISSIONER McFOLEY is out for the "70 minutes in" talking segment, which is probably just a clever disguise for the "standard opening" talking segment. But first, another plug for Heat - Foley guest hosts! "Well I guess I followed through on Monday night, and I delivered the man who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin. And logic would say I should be feeling pretty good about it - instead, to tell you the truth, I feel a little bit sick...because I have a feeling this whole thing isn't over - instead, I have a feeling it's just beginning. Now I guess it goes without saying but, hell, I'm going to say it anyway - Stone Cold Steve Austin is no longer suspended from the WWF. But I also know that Stone Cold is out in our parking garage with some pretty bad intentions running through that mind. What I want to say to him, to please come out of that garage...and come down to this ring, because, Stone Cold, I am the man who can deliver Rikishi to you. Now, Steve, I have got all night, if need be I will sit in this ring until you come down. But until then, I will be waiting, so if somebody could give me their chair, I'm gonna go on a little Austin strike here. We're all gonna wait for Stone Cold to come on down. And this WILL be your episode of SmackDown! - 'Mick Foley Sitting in the Middle of the Ring' - unless Stone Cold Steve Austin decides to make his presence know, but Steve, if you're there..."

We go outside where Ross is *again* trying to talk sense into Austin. "Dammit - you OWE it to yourself to get outta that truck and get in the ring and listen to what he's got to say..give him the benefit of the doubt, dammit!" Austin gets out of the truck...and now he's WALKING! Lucky Ross, right past him...

I hear glass - STEP OFF for STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. "Stone Cold, I wanna thank you for coming down to this ring. I wanna say one thing, I know you're sitting out there all night in your parking lot, and you've got some damn bad intentions in your mind. I made the mistake a couple weeks ago of trying to tell you what to do...and I've now learned that nobody tells Steve Austin what to do. So I'm no longer telling you, Steve, I am asking you - if you are thinking about running down Rikishi like he did to you, DON'T DO IT. First off, Steve, I don't think the guy's dumb enough to show up tonight knowing you're looking for him. And second, you run down Rikishi, then it's no longer a wrestling matter, it's a police matter and you WILL go to jail. So as commissioner of the WWF, I'm asking you...please don't do it. As somebody who's known you for ten years, I'm asking you, please don't do it. And I'm asking you please to wait 'til No Mercy and then I will guarantee that I will deliver Rikishi to you In This Very Ring. Wait wait wait--" "No, you talkin' about deliverin' Rikishi - why would I wanna wait for you to deliver Rikishi, when I can go right now, sit in that truck, put it in 4-wheel drive, and when that sum(beep) shows up, run over him AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and again, like some big fat-ass speed bump!" "Because if you do it, Steve, then you go to jail! Means, as WWF Commissioner, I don't get what I want. It means the fans right here in Los Angeles, California...they don't get what they want, because you will go to jail for a very, very long time. So I'm saying, lookin' you in the eye, if you can wait 'til No Mercy, then I can guarantee you a match with Rikishi--" "Oh, you wanna give me a match - some (beep) run over me like a dog in the street - ten months out of my life - and you wanna offer me a MATCH." "It's not a match! It's not just any match, Stone Cold. It's No Holds Barred. It's anything goes! It means you can do any damn thing you want to Rikishi, and it's all LEGAL!" "It's all...legal." "Nobody goes to jail." "Nobody goes to jail." Is this the Jedi mind trick? "Everything goes...it's your match and you can do whatever you want." "Well then, officially, I accept your match. Ten months of sittin' on my ass watchin' all these WWF superstars, you can call it a match, but there ain't gonna be no armdrags, no dropkicks, it's gonna be one solid flat-out Stone Cold ass-whippin'! This match is gonna take brutality to a whole 'nother level, so I got just one question for ya: what did you say the name of that pay-per-view was?" "No Mercy." "Damn right."

UPN bumper shows Rikishi hanging with Too Cool - oops

Sunday at 9am, there will be XFL cheerleader tryouts at the Spectrum Club in Manhattan Beach! Jerry Lawler will be there trying to get arrested!

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: HARDY BOYZ (with Lita & SmackDown! is brought to you by Acitivision's Spider Man, Crunch 'n Munch, and the WWF Shop Zone Dot Com!) v. TAZZ & RAVEN - Matt and Raven start. Slap by Raven. Slap by Matt! Slap by Raven. Matt spears him and wails away. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Raven - discus right off the ropes. Into the corner, right, right, Tazz pulling the hair at the same time. Matt plays pinball with his fist to Raven and his elbow to Tazz, right to Raven, right, discus right, shot for Tazz as well, ducks a Raven punch, grabbing his neck and pulling him down - Tazz breaks it up at 2, bringing in Jeff - Jeff puts Raven out, then dropkicks him through the ropes - Tazz dumped outside, Matt on all fours for Poetry in Motion to the floor! Tazz put back in, Matt covers - 2. Presto Double Feature of Air Jeff. Into the corner, down on all fours, Tazz ducks Poetry in Motion but Jeff lands on the top turnbuckle instead. Backflip back into the ring, but Tazz catches him in a belly-to-belly overhead Tazzplex instead. Stomp, stomp, Raven in for the doubleteam as referee "Blind" Jim Korderas is busy with Matt. Jeff rammed into the turnbuckle three times. Into the corner is reversed, boot up by Raven, Jeff manages a leapfrog when Raven charges in and he ends up in the corner, schoolboy gets 2. Raven with an arm wringer, Jeff reverses and shoves Raven into the corner. Raven has the leg, but Jeff turns over and connects with a mule kick with the free leg. Tag to Tazz, tag to Matt! Right hand puts Tazz down - scoop...and a slam, into the corner is reversed, boot up by Hardy - second rope clothesline, ducks Raven's charge and Raven runs into Jeff's boot. Jeff with a double leg on Tazz - tandem legdrops. Raven stomps on Jeff while Matt tries to set up Tazz for the Twist of Fate - Raven breaks it up, going over the top, Matt hits the Twist of Fate anyway as Jeff attempts to take Raven over the top rope to the floor. At this point, LOS CONQUISTADORS come out - as one distracts Korderas, the other gives Matt a slop drop. Tazz drapes an arm on him - 1, 2, NO! Raven puts Jeff into the STEEL steps, then distracts the referee. Tazzmission! Jeff manages to climb up the steps, up the ropes, and swantonbomb Tazz, rolling over the pile - Matt's on top as Korderas turns back - 1, 2, 3! Maybe Tazz should have let go of that hold. Maybe Raven should have gone back to his corner. Maybe...eh. (4:17)

The Rock paces...

Meanwhile, Kane is WALKING!

And now, the Lugz Boot of the Week! From RAW last Monday, Kane beats up his tag team partner, Kurt Angle, prior to their match - then chokeslams him later that night.

STEPHANIE ONO walks to the ring with no music. "And now, allow me to introduce you to the man whose corner I will permanently be in! He is the next World Wrestling Federation champion...he is Kurt Angle!"

KING KURT ANGLE v. WELL IT'S KANE - again - Angle goes for a hug, but settles for a handshake. No mic time for Our Olympic Hero. With Stephanie in his corner, will Angle FINALLY get a victory against this guy? Angle tries to hightail it, but Kane follows outside the ring. Kane with rights after catching up - head to the STEEL steps. Stephanie runs up the aisle when Kane looks at her. Angle over the barricade and into the crowd...Kane follows. Kane with a right. Got him in a headlock...on his shoulder...and back over the barricade onto the floor. Scoops him up - and a press that just barely cleared the top rope! Double choke - lift - drop. Angle put in the corner - but he gets an elbow up. Kane put into the corner - German suplex out (!). Sliding dropkick puts Kane out on the floor - Angle follows. Kane's shoulder rammed into the STEEL steps. As referee "Blind" Chad Patton lectures Angle on the questionable legality of his tactics, Stephanie tosses a cup of water onto Kane. Angle has him by the hair...but Kane drops down and hits a hot shot on Angle! Into the ropes, Angle ducks, waistlock, block, Angle with two clubbing forearms, Kane turns around - but ends up in a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle celebrates...as Kane starts to no-sell. Right, no. Right, no. Right, no. Right, no. Angle expresses frustration and possibly says "Oh my God, he's a monster!" Well, Cole *said* he said it, anyway. Kane with an uppercut, another, another, into the ropes, big boot, into the ropes again, head down, kick by Angle, off the ropes but scooped onto the shoulder. Kane with the powerslam. Kane outside - he's gonna fly - and that's the clothesline. Kane motions for it...Stephanie up on the apron - Kane still chokeslams Angle anyway. Kane going after Stephanie - and got her by the hair! But Angle is up from behind with a schoolboy - holding the bottom rope as well - Patton misses all this to count the 1, 2, 3. (4:25) Kane takes umbrage and promptly chokeslams Patton, even as Jim Korderas comes out to tell him not to do it. Korderas gets a chokeslam as well. Play HIS music! Angle and Stephanie raise arms at the top of the ramp, nonetheless.

Hey! Stone Cold Steve Austin is still WALKING! Spotting Funaki chillin' in the hall, he asks where Too Cool are. Funaki points the way 'cause he's a stooge

Man, ANOTHER Reform party ad! Hey, I heard a nasty rumour that "buchananfoster2000.com" was a porn site - anybody else hear that one?

Special Highlight Package from Heat to help promote the upcoming Heat

Here's a Beautiful View of Los Angeles - and an exterior shot of the Staples Center

Hey, that *is* JERRY O'CONNELL in the front row! They mention him not as the star of "Sliders" (or even "Joe's Apartment") but "Jerry Maguire," instead.

In Too Cool's locker room, Austin asks 'em to tell him where Rikishi is. Hotty says he hasn't seen him since Monday. He never once mentioned in ten months that he ran over somebody with the car. Turning to Grand Master Sexay, who says "Naw, G. He didn't holler at me once about it. Rikishi doin' his own thing, brotha. I stay outta his game...and he stays outta mine." "Oh, is that right...G." Big right hand puts Sexay down.

The Rock is still pacing!

Meanwhile, Val Venis is doing pushups...but he has visitors. Stephanie: "Hey Val! Val, tonight is your night. In order to have the people listen to you, you've got to defeat the People's Champion (Angle: Oh, it's true) and the Rock has never been more vulnerable than he is right now. But you know, Val, you've got something on your side that the Rock has never have - you've got right on your side - and RIGHT will always defeat wrong." "And THAT is true."

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: BALD VENIS (with Steven Richards) v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLLL - before the match starts, Rock's posing is interrupted by KING KURT ANGLE & STEPHANIE ONO. Hey, Angle DOES get mic time! "Steph and I were just talking...and we find it very interesting that last Monday night, Rikishi declared that the Rock had nothing to do with running down Stone Cold Steve Austin. How convenient, Rock! But I guess if they can find OJ innocent out here in LA - oh, it's true, it's true, then maybe you can find some Los Angelenos gullible enough to believe that the Rock had nothing to do with it, too. And that is true." Rock is ready to go out after Angle...but Venis meets him up the ramp - but fails to land as Rock turns it around and punches away. Back down the ramp to the floor. Whip into the barricade is reversed into a Richards clothesline. Venis stomps and throws him in, where the bell rings. Right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, standing on the neck. Richards with a choke when Venis turns referee "Blind" Mike Chioda around to have a chat. Rock *still* manages to pop up and out with a clothesline for Venis. Waistlock - death suplex - 1, 2, Venis kicks out. Elbow to the back of the head by the Rock, stomp, stomp, elbow to the back of the head, into the ropes is reversed, Richards grabs the ankle - Rock grabs Richards - his eyes in the back of his head alert him to Venis up from behind, so he steps aside, allowing Venis to clothesline *Richards* - right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Richards lowers the bridge and Rock falls to the floor. Stephanie whispering in Angle's ear - strategy for the PPV? Richards with a clothesline that takes Rock over the barricade and into the crowd. Venis goes out to meet him but eats several rights...and another one, taking him back over. Rock puts Venis's head ot the commentary table, but he blocks it and puts *Rock* there instead. Knife-edge chop. Rock thrown back in the ring, Venis follows, vertical suplex. 1, 2, shoulder up. Venis to a headlock. "Rock E!" Venis really wrenching it in now. Rock to his feet - gutshot, gutshot, right, right, off the ropes, Venis with a back elbow, elbowdrop, kneedrop off the ropes - 1, 2, no. Venis back to the headlock. Arm falls once...arm falls twice...if you think the arm's falling thrice, you're very special. Rock tries to grab the hair, but there's nothing there, yuk yuk. Rock to his feet - gutshot, gutshot, right, Venis to the eyes, off the ropes and Rock catches him in a Samoan drop. Right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Gutshot, DDT. 1, 2, Venis gets a shoulder up! Right, into the ropes is reversed, clothesline ducked, double clothesline and both men are down. Chioda puts on a count...Rock stirs at 6 as Richards brings the belt into the ring and distracts Chioda. Rock avoids the belt shot while giving Venis Rock Bottom! Chioda STILL looking the wrong way - *finally* looking back and ready to count - 1, 2, SHOULDER UP!! Richards motions to Rock - Rock runs for Richards but he slips to the floor and avoids it - Venis with a belt shot! Venis is gonna cover - 1, 2, ah hell, Rock's shoulder is up. Venis decides to go for it - slowly climbing to the top...Rock getting to HIS feet...Venis perched - crossbody hits, but Rock uses the momentum to roll it over! 1, 2, KICKOUT! *Richards* is in - Rock catches him with Rock Bottom - Venis runs at him and gets a spinebuster - it's time now for the People's Elbow - 1, 2, 3! (7:03) Angle immediately comes down to the ring and clotheslines Rock - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, Rock right, right, right, right, Stephanie charges - caught, but before he can give her Rock Bottom, Angle saves her with an uppernut..and the Olympic Slam! Stephanie directs him to give him ANOTHER Olympic Slam. Stomping away - now holding him for a SLAP from Stephanie! Another slap! Angle with an elbow in the groin. Play his music again! Stephanie and Angle do a bit of celebrating and that'll be our last picture this week. SEE YA!