UPN - Thursday!

One World Leader TV-PG-DLV Attitude - WWF!

Clips from Monday - Rikishi and Austin

Opening Credits

PYRO! Transmitido en espanol SAP! From the Gund Arena in Cleveland, OH 19.10.2K (taped 17.10) and broadcast on the UPN, this is WWF SmackDown! TONIGHT: Jim Ross sits down with Stone Cold Steve Austin! Women's title on the line as Lita takes on Trish Stratus! Toinght's main event is a four corners match - Rock, Triple H, Kurt Angle, and Chris Benoit! But let's start with a lot of folks in the ring, and one more on his way...

COMMISSIONER McFOLEY walks down and joins the six tag teams already in the ring. "Thank you very much. I guess probably everyone here is wondering why we have all these great tag teams assembled inside this ring, and I'm gonna get to that in just a minute. You also probably all know the last couple weeks have been difficult on me as the commissioner - a lot of guys in the back kind of lost faith. There is one wrestler I'd like to point out who has been a true friend throughout all of this, and he is Jerry 'the King' Lawler, so, King, thank you very much. (Lawler seems taken aback.) But, now that it is all behind me, I am more than ready to put on one heck of a show...right here in Cleveland, Ohio! We are going to start out tonight's edition of SmackDown! with none other than a tag team battle royal. The winner of the tag team battle royal will go on to face the Hardy Boyz at No Mercy. This is how the game is played...when one member of a tag team is thrown over the top rope so that both feet touch the floor, both members of that tag team hit the road. The last tag team left will take on the Hardyz at No Mercy; now, boys, those are the rules, have a nice, and let's ring the bell and get it on!

TAG TEAM BATTLE ROYAL for a title shot - There's *seven* teams - sorry. The most over man in this match is....the table. We are told that Edge & Christian weren't allowed in this match due to Foley's previous ruling barring them from tag team title shots. First elimination is Test, at the hands of Bradshaw (1:24) T&A pull Faarooq out under the bottom rope and get to doubleteaming him for some revenge. Bradshaw spots THIS and goes over the top rope to save his partner...and apparently eliminating his team in the process. Doofus. (1:46) All four men continue to brawl on the outside until the refs get them separated. D'Lo Brown tosses Scotty 2 Hotty, but the Acolytes catch him and put him back in the ring. Goodfather and Bull Buchanan get dumped by Too Cool (2:23). Holy cats, TIGER ALI SINGH is in the front row! I know *one* guy that'll be happy to see him...the rest of us will ust be confused. Grand Master Sexay hits a crossbody on Chaz, but unfortunately eliminates himself as well. (3:07) Scotty 2 Hotty goes ahead and hits the bulldog and W O R M on D'Lo Brown despite the fat that they've both been eliminated. Whoops, Conquistador 1 tosses Hotty before the karate chop can land. It's the men in gold and the Dudley Boyz left in the ring as Too Cool and Lo Down fight on the outside. Crowd chants for the table again. Buh-Buh Ray tosses Conquistador 1...but the refs are still occupied on the other side of the ring and don't see it. "Wassup" spot on 2. D-Von, get the table. Unfortunately, Buh-Buh Ray gets dumped from behind while watching D-Von get the table (getting his arm caught in the ropes in the process - ouch) and the Merengueros get the shot. (5:03)

We look backstage to see if Austin's arrived...nope. But here's a black limousine pulling up. Coming out are...Triple H...AND Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley! H gallantly offers to carry Stephanie's luggage. We are told they are not yet aware of the four corners match...let's come back after these short words and see how they react!

When we come back, the Helmsleys are berating Earl Hebner for the main event. Earl tells them not to shoot Just Joe, and then points them in Foley's direction.

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago, where the Dudleyz were "screwed."

KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands with the Conquistadors, but before they say a word, (a breathless?) Edge & Christian enter the picture and offer their heartiest congratulations...as well as a request for the first title shot after they win on Sunday... hmm....

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: TAZZZZZZZZZ v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) - We need Stevie Ray as colour commentator on this show so he can say "HIS house!" a few hundred times...forget Skipper, *Blackman's* where it's at! Tazz dares him to come at him, so Blackman tries a Lethal Kick on the ramp - it's ducked, and here we go. Tazz with a clothesline. Stomp, right, right, garbage can lid. Into the barricade is reversed. Blackman crotches him on the barricade - discus garbage can lid to the back of the head. Into the crowd we go...I wonder if they'll get near Singh? Out to the tech area - head to a crate. Now back behind the curtain...and backstage we go, where FUNAKI appears and tries a cover - Tazz throws him off, right, right, into a metal door. JUST JOE walks by, laughs at Funaki, and Tazz throws *him* at Blackman after a right. Kick by Blackman, right, Tazz back on Blackman. Trading punches...and back in front of the curtain. Walking back towards the stage - Tazz' head hits another heavy box. Right by Blackman. Aside the ramp - and now back on the ramp. Tazz with a right. Blackman mauled to the floor. Rolled into the ring. Tazz finds a chair and gets back in. Right, into the ropes, reversed and Blackman hits a drop toehold onto the chair. Blackman outside for the sticks. "IT'S PARTY TIME!" Blackman with the Hundred Sticks. Stick-in-the-crotch-plex gets...2. Into the ropes, no, Tazz holds on for a Northern Lights suplex...for 2. Or, if you're Cole, a "fisherman's suplex." Yikes, he CAN'T be doing that on purpose...can he? Tazz should leave the ring right now and scream "NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX" in Cole's face. Instead, following a clothesline, he goes out to the weapons cache under the ring. Coming back in with a kendo stick, suh-WING and a miss, Blackman's roundhouse kick is ducked - Tazzmission with the kendo stick!! Blackman finds the garbage can lid and two shots to the head breaks the hold. Tazz with a waistlock - Blackman's trick knee acts up. Kendo stick from the top rope - 1, 2, 3! (4:17)

Backstage, Triple H and Stephanie - and then Kurt Angle - hit the commissioner's office to complain about having a four corners match so close to No Mercy. Foley says Rock and Benoit aren't happy about it either...but he doesn't care about THEIR happiness, so long as the FANS are happy...

Meanwhile, outside...nope, Austin hasn't arrived yet

Have you heard that TNN is the new home of the WWF's Weekend programming that nobody watches? LiveWire Saturdays at 10, Superstars Sundays at 10!

Yikes! ANOTHER Buchanan ad! Go Pat Go! Keep them furnerz outta my country! REFORM! REFORM!

You're watching WWF Smackdown on UPN! Actually, you're watching an ad break - don't be fooled

EDDIE GUERRERO is out on one crutch - did he REALLY injure his hamstring, or is he faking? Since his limp is making his entrance take much longer than normal, let's shill "Freedom" - from the producers of the Matrix! - while we're waiting. Crowd is quite happy to boo Guerrero, even tho' he's hurt. "Now Chyna, mami, heh, I know you're back there tonight. And I know that you're probably whimpering to all your friends 'oh, how I miss Eddie.' And I know that you're probably crying 'oh, how I miss my Latino Heat.' And I know that you're wishing how much you want me back, but you know what, that's not gonna happen tonight. All those tears you can save for your newfound lover Mr. Goldilocks Billy Gunn. He's gonna need all your pity - see, I don't get it. How many times do I have to go and kick his (beep) before you realise that blondes have no fun, baby? They're just STOOPID! So Billy Gunn, Blondie, Goldilocks, whatever you wanna call yourself, ese, I mean, come on down, man, you got the advantage - I got one leg, man! Let's get it on, vato, 'cause frankly I can't wait until No Mercy to kick your (beep)!" But it isn't Mr. (Beep) out - rather, it's THAT SLUT CHYNA. Don't treat her like a cueball, don't treat her like a van. Eddie seems kinda deflated as she walks to the ring and stares him down. "Are you surprised to see me, Eddie? Well, I'm here tonight, although contrary to what you may think, I have NOT been crying my eyes out in the back. Instead, I've been thinking about all the things I would love to say to you. About how you made me feel, how you treated me, but then again Eddie, I think I'd rather show you." Slap! Chyna dares him to bring it on...but before Eddie responds, the klaxons klax and out comes the full membership RIGHT TO CENSOR. "Cut our music...Chyna, we feel that you never fully understood the severity of your actions when you exposed yourself to the entire world in Playboy magazine. Allow us to offer you a lesson, Chyna. Every action has a reaction. Action, reaction. And since you didn't take to heart our warnings or our efforts to censor your magazine in reaction to your complete and total disregard for morality and decency, then you have forced us to TAKE action, not only against your publication, but YOU. And it is for your own good." Chyna manages a crappy forearm to Venis, but falls to the Stevenkick. Here comes MR. ASS, who gets some shots in but ultimatley goes down to the numbers...and a Censorbomb from Venis. Guerrero chokes Chyna down with his crutch in the meantime. Play the RTC music! Gunn covers Chyna and shows us his roots. Guerrero walks off separately...he still looks really hurt.

Hey! It's the Stone Cold truck! And there's Stone Cold Steve Austin! AND HE'S WALKING!!!

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!

Clips from the Los Angeles XFL cheerleader tryouts - and a dirty old man

Las Vegas tryouts are Saturday - so look for another set of clips next week

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP - WILLIAM REGAL v. PERRY (with Terri) v. AL SNOW (with Head) - Let Us Take You Back to RAW when Regal defeated Snow for the title. Snow is back to "normal." Snow pulls Regal outside and brawls with him until Saturn springs off with an Asai moonsault onto Snow, trying VERY hard to land directly on his head in the process. Regal with forearms when Saturn comes back in - off the ropes, duck, head down, kick by Regal, Snow grabs the ankle as he tries to come off the ropes again, distracting him JUST enough to fall into a Northern Lights suplex (AGAIN miscalled by Cole) for 2, Snow breaks it up. Austin is NEXT! Presto Double Feature of Saturn's moonsault. Snow punches Saturn out of the ring - then eats some European forearms and repeated knees to the head from Regal. Snow counters a waistlock - Regal's superkick starts a Snow German suplex and bridge...for 2 - Saturn sweeps the legs to break it up. Right, right, Snow ducks the next one, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, into the corner is reversed, Snow slides to a stop, Saturn ducks Snow's clothesline and Regal manages to clothesline BOTH men running the opposite direction. European forearm takes Snow outside. Saturn with a knockdown on Regal. Right, right, Regal reverses, European forearm, wrapping Saturn up with his own arm and dropping him to the mat in a neckbreaker - Snow breaks it at 2. Snow takes Regal's head to the buckle, again, Regal catches the kick...then eats an enzuigiri. Snow with a short powerbomb - Saturn breaks it up. Springboard legdrop miss Snow but hits Regal - so Saturn covers Regal - 1, 2, Snow breaks it up (thanks to clever editing). Snow with a moonsault on Regal - Saturn pulls him off at 2 - cover - Snow pulls HIM off - cover - Saturn pulls him off. Saturn punches Snow, Snow shoves back. Regal tries to clock them BOTH but they duck - double back body drop. Quick alliance formed, double clothesline on Regal. Snow stomps away - but Saturn is up from behind with a tiger suplex...Snow kicks out at 2! Big kick for Regal, superkick for Snow - into the ropes, Snow ducks the clothesline - and they collide. Snow crawls to Head - and clocks Saturn. 1, 2, Regal pulls him off - REGAL STRETCH! Without Saturn available to save him, Snow has no choice but to tap out. Good stuff. (3:23) Regal makes a great face...followed by another great face after he gets his belt back.

Backstage, Austin paces while Ross frets. They're NEXT!

Here's a look at the Cleveland skyline - and the BEAUTIFUL Gund Arena

Missed the opening montage? Don't worry, they've aired it again!

In the locker room, LARRY KING sucks up to Austin. Austin says there's no legitimate excuse for running him down like a dog.

This tender moment is interrupted with a backstage look at Rikishi, who takes a sledgehammer to the headlights and drivers' side window of the Stone Cold Pickup Truck. Removing the cooler from the truck, Rikishi pops open a cold one...and pours it to the ground

The interview continues

Meanwhile, Rikishi is pounding on the roof and windshield of the truck - and now the hood and fender

The interview continues - Ross tries to convey his concern, his loving CARE of Austin. Before Austin can answer THAT, JONATHAN COACHMAN breaks in to tell Ross and Austin that Rikishi is doing a little body work.

Rikishi finds another window to break, and some more panels to dent. He takes a few extra shots at the skull on the side. Hey, if he hits the gas tank, will it blow?

Austin and Ross are WALKING! Ross does a lot of muttering for ambiance.

We look back - Rikishi is gone. Austin says "son of a (beep)" a lot. The car behind the truck speeds away. Ross: "Wait'll Sunday, Rikishi! Steve, he's torn up your damn truck! He's ruined your - hey, what are ya doing? Don't DO this! It could be a trap! Steve - Steve, it could be a trap! Damn, he's hard headed. Is it a trap?" The camera pulls back as Ross turns around...and sees Rikishi. Whoa! "Good God. Now wait a minute...you gotta think about this." "Open your mouth now. Where's your buddy Stone Cold at now? Huh JR?" Rikishi shoves him into a nearby car. "That's right. Stone Cold, huh? Stone Cold - that's your buddy huh? Huh? That's your buddy, huh? I'll show you what I think of you and your buddy..." Rikishi stands over Ross' prone form and slowly raises his sledgehammer... Ah, hell, Foley shows up just in time to tell him not to do it. "If you want some of Stone Cold Sunday, then you need to put the sledgehammer down now, just do it. Don't make a mistake and live to regret - PLEASE, put the sledgehammer down." "Remember. No holds barred. No holds barred. This Sunday." He puts down the sledgehammer and walks away. "Rikishi, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. ... Are you okay?"

Damn, Rikishi just became the COOLEST WRESTLER EVER

You're watching UPN!

Moments Ago, a lotta bad stuff went down - you know what the REAL question is? Who - I say, WHO drove away that decoy? Hmmmmm? Ponder THAT one, mah frenz

EL PERRO DEL CAMINO v. RAVEN - Dogg's spiel is excised to protect our delicate TV-PG ears. Tied up, side headlock by Dogg, powered out, shoulderblock by the Dogg. He's dancin' already. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Raven, kick by Dogg. Off the ropes, reversed butt to the back. Off the ropes, wiggly wobbly woobly kneedrop. Raven puts Dogg through the ropes and follows. Side Russian legsweep into the barricade! Put back in the ring and Raven follows. Into the opposite corner, follow clothesline, bulldog. Into the ropes, gutshot, off the ropes, discus right. Raven with a pretzel on the legs, then bridging back for the chinlock. "What about me? What about Raven?" Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda calls it a choke and forces a break. Into the corner, head to the gut. Into the opposite corner, Raven off the ropes with a clothesline. Into the ropes, head down, Road Dogg trying the sunset flip, but Raven keeping his balance - from his back, Dogg throws a right, another right, holding the arm and getting up, holding it into the pumphandle - and a slam. 1, 2, 3! (2:56) It is Raven's job to job.

In the dressing room, Angle tells Stephanie that as much as he wants her at ringside, he's concerned about her welfare tonight. Rock and Benoit have no integrity - besides that, he's worried that she'd have to make a decision between himself and her husband tonight. Stephanie says not to worry - she's made a professional decision to be in his corner, "and if it comes down to some kind of choice between you and Triple H...don't worry, I'll do the right thing." "I knew you'd say that...why was I even worrying?" Then he thinks about it...and the smile quickly fades into confusion...

Rikishi - Stone Cold Steve Austin - No Mercy - 3 days away!

Moments Ago, Rikishi scored a one-fall victory against Austin's truck. Commentators make a big deal of the fact that Rikishi outsmarted Austin. Cole wonders aloud, for the first time, who the accomplice was. Rikishi beat up Jim Ross for an encore. Lawler reminds us that at No Mercy, sledgehammers are legal.

LILIAN GARCIA stands with Edge, Christian and X-Pac. Edge yuks it up at the expense of the Stone Cold Pickup Truck and Jim Ross. "Dudes - if ever there was a time for flash photography." "Oh, totally! I mean, JR should stand for Jolly Rancher because he so totally sucked. Rikishi gets a golden seal of awesomeness - Bra - vo." X-Pac: "Hey, what about Austin? You know, I haven't seen a redneck drive that fast since they took 'Dukes of Hazzard' off the air!" Edge says tonight's match is dedicated to JR - and they'll donate the money they earn "towards the cleaning of JR's drawers! Too classic!"

HARDY BOYZ (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Honda, Slim Jim, and Subway) and CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO v. EDGE & CHRISTIAN & X-PAC - What are they gonna do with the whole "Y2J" concept in another 72 days or so, anyway? In a rare show of solidatiry, the heel team enters together. Before the match begins, we look to the parking lot, where Austin has return. He's apparently *so* perturbed that he doesn't even notice he just ran over the rest of his beer! X-Pac gets a cheap shot on Jericho, causing him to go after HIM and let *Edge* beat on him a bit. "X Pac Sux" chant. Jericho comes back with a flying jalapeno. Chop, chop, into the opposite corner, off the ropes, Edge ducks the bulldog, Jericho catches the kick, ducks the enzuigiri, and DOES hit the bulldog...for 2. Tag to Matt Hardy - scoop slam, second rope legdrop. Cover - 2. Knee by Edge, clubbing forearm. Tag to Christian. Right, right, gutshot, right, into the ropes, Hardy ducks the clothesline, right, right, discus right, into the corner, elbow up by Hardy, clothesline, tag to Jeff. Into the corner, Poetry in Motion - Jericho with a boosted clothesline as well! X-Pac comes in and uppernuts Jeff while referee "Blind" Tim White tries to clear the ring. Don't forget, Andrew Golota vs. Mike Tyson on Friday! Christian tags Edge - open shot. Head to the buckle, elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, standing dropkick, tag to X-Pac. X-Pac with a few forearms, but Hardy fires back with elbows, right, left, off the ropes, RIGHT into a spinning heel kick...for 2. Putting Jef in the bad neighbourhood...kick trifecta...and broncobuster. Tag to Edge. Scoop...and a slam. Edge going to the second rope - mocking "guns" pose...but Hardy gets the boots up and connects, right in the mush. Jeff can't tag, but Edge does. Christian mocks the corner, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, choke. Daring Matt and Jericho to come in, and when they try, Christian puts Jeff in the corner for the illegal tripleteam. Tag to X-Pac. Right, kick, right, kick, right, tag to Edge. Hardy fires back with two rights, but Edge goes to the eyes. Into the corner, but Hardy pops up and off the top rope with a twisting somersault clothesline (or, if you're Cole, "a knockdown")! Both men are down. Tag to X-Pac - quickly on Jeff with a forearm. Taunting the corner...but Jeff elbows X-Pac and falls forward into a tag for Jericho! Clothesline! Clothesline! Double noggin knocker for Edge & Christian! Into the ropes is reversed, ducked, spinning heel kick by Jericho! Christian in - and he eats a right. X-Pac tries to take advantage of the distraction - into the ropes, Jericho catches him and powerbombs him down - DOUBLE POWERBOMB! Lionsault - but he hits the knees! Edge has a chair - Hardyz in - now it's all broken, down - ah, hell I hear glass. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN comes in and chairs all six men. (No contest? 5:42 or so) Right hand for White - KICK WHAM STUNNER #18 for Sergeant Slaughter. Austin chases Mike Chioda away, then returns to the ring to survey his carnage. Two more stomps for Slaughter. Dammit, I was kinda digging that match. I'm rooting for *Rikishi* now! THAT'LL show 'im!

Moments Ago, Austin returned

About six minutes later, Austin ruined a perfectly good six-man with six chairshots

Kevin Kelly stands in the awesome presence of the Rock. "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Cleveland! You see, over the past two weeks, the Rock has had a lot on his mind. The Rock recently found out that it was Rikishi who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin. The Rock's been angry, the Rock's been confused, but there's been one man to help the Rock (snap) snap out of it. And that man is Kurt Angle. So Kurt Angle, thank you for helping the Rock. After all your trash talking for the past two weeks, after attacking the Rock from behind, the Rock is now not thinking about Rikishi, he's thinking about you - the Rock is thinking about you, Kurt Angle - thinking about beating the Olympic mucus from out of your smug, smiling face! And you see, Kurt Angle, over the past two months, the Rock has gone through a lot of opponents, one of which is Kane - all seven feet, 350 pounds, who comes out and says 'I am the big - red - MONster!' Another man, by the name of Chris Benoit who comes down and says 'Just prove me wrong!' And now the Rock faces a man who comes out and says... (brightly) 'Drinking milk has calcium and it's good for your bones! And drinking milk is also very good for your healthy body - oh it's true, it's true.'" His smile fades into a scowl. "You see, Kurt Angle, this Sunday night at No Mercy, let the Rock explain to you exactly what he's gonna do and only in language that you can understand. (brightly) You see, Kurt Angle, you and the Rock, we're gonna have a WWF title match, in which many moves are gonna be executed - an arm bar, a wrist lock, and many other moves. But, you see, the Rock has a very special move he's gonna execute just for you, Kurt. You see, the Rock is gonna take his boot! And then the Rock is gonna turn it horizontal, or sideways, just the way you like it, or so the Rock has heard. And then, Kurt, in one swift motion, the Rock (back to normal voice) is gonna take his boot, and stick it straight up your candyass! You see, Kurt Angle, you think you're special just because you've got your three I's, do you you think you're really special because you cashed in on the services of one Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley - a two dollar - no - fifty cent - no - buy two get one free, does anybody have change for a nickel, rented (excised)? You see, Kurt Angle, this is not the Olympics. You're not facing the Romanians, you're not facing the Bulgarians, you're facing the Rock - the Brahma Bull - a man who has no quit, a man who has no fear. So Kurt Angle, bring your gold medals - Stephanie, bring your dirty panties - but above all else...but above all else, just like tonight, at No Mercy this Sunday, just..bring it. If ya smelllllllllllllllllllllll what the Rock is cookin'!" Whoa - Rock knows a *wristlock*?

Hey, look! Trish Stratus knows how to read? And she's WALKING!

Meanwhile, Lits has caught the fever - the latest craze - it is WALKING!

Clips from Heat - this Sunday's special guests are Kurt Angle and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley! Then, somehow, they'll get from Manhattan to Albany!

There ain't but ONE face on the WWF New York marquee ad for No Mercy - guess whose - hint: Rikishi outsmarted him. Cole tells us Disturbed will be performing at WWF New York right after the show. Whoa, is it too late to get over there? It is? Oh.

WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL (with dictionary - and WWF.com logo) v. LITA - challenger enters first - about time. Lawler uses the "she can read?" joke and now I feel...well, older. Oh, man...you and I are in for a TREAT - Trish Stratus is gonna SPEAK! Maybe she'll tell us where her tits and ass are if we're lucky. "Champion. One who shows marked superiority. One who fights for dignity and honour. Winner of first price or first place! And finally, champion. A militant advocate or defender. All qualities that *I* possess - me, Trish Stratus. And now, Lita. (flips pages) Lita. One who shows disgusting tattoos on her body. One who wears her pants - heh - way too low. And most importantly, Lita: a low class, cheap bimbo. In other words, no one's beat you like I have before, and now I'm gonna do it for the title, baby." Lita in with a double leg takedown and lots of illegal punches. Referee "Blind" Jack Doan tells her to keep it clean already. Big clothesline. Into the ropes, sick sidewalk slam. Moonsault coming up. And why not? It's almost been thirty whole seconds! Sure enough, T&A run out and, while Test talks to Doan, Albert shoves Lita off the ropes - Stratus covers - 1, 2, no! Even Doan's trademark fast count can't beat the kickout. Stratus whips her into the ropes, but Lita manages a huracanrana. Albert in the ring - yaaaaaah splash misses. Test grabs Lita's arms and pulls them back...but Lita's trick knee acts up, putting Test down. "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" for Stratus, up to the top rope to...I dunno, rana Test? But he catches her in a powerbomb instead. NOW Doan calls for the bell - baffling. (DQ 1:30) T&A hold up Lita for some slaps and elbows. The rescue is made by the ACOLYTES who still have some bad blood for T&A. Play their music! Trish skips up the aisle...umm, but you still don't have that title, do you?

In the dressing room, Triple H tells his wife he doesn't want her at ringside. Stephanie reiterates that she's made a business decision and she WILL be in Kurt Angle's corner tonight. "Just remember one thing - remember who you're going home with tonight?" "Hunter, listen, don't worry, okay? If it comes to making some kind of choice between you and Kurt, just like I told Kurt, I'll do the right thing." H smiles...but looks back, confused. Geez, are all men idiots or something?

Rikishi - Austin - 3 days away - Presto! Hey, now that Heat is on MTV, couldn't they arrange to have it air at 4pm on the west coast feed so I could actually *watch* it on a pay-per-view night? WORK WITH ME HERE

Chyna shills Stacker 2

And now, the Boot of the Week, brought to you by LUGZ! From RAW, Angle hits Rock Bottom, Stephanie grabs Rock, preventing the pin, Stephanie takes a tire iron to Jeff Hardy, and Angle gets the pin following the Olympic Slam.

KING KURT ANGLE (with Stephanie Ono and Heat ad graphic) v. CHRIS BENOIT (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. THE NEW MAN (with Presto presents No Mercy - Sunday!) v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLL in a nontitle four corners match - In case you're interested, these four entrances and their associated advertising moments eat up JUST short of five minutes. Amazingly, referee "Blind" Earl Hebner manages to keep Benoit and Angle away from Triple H during his posing routine. I'm surprised we didn't get an ad break between entrances, there's a LOT of time left... Cole says there was a coin toss to determine first two men in the ring and it was Rock and Benoit winning. Rock blocks, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, forearm by Benoit. Death suplex. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, Benoit tells Hebner he'll kick him as much as he wants. Right hand. Angle calls out for a tag - Benoit gives him a look and goes back to the kick. Kick. Into the opposite corner is reversed, gutshot and DDT by the Rock. Rock drags Benoit over to Angle and dares Angle to tag him now. Angle decides to express discretion instead. H asks for a tag - so Rock tags him instead. Right for Benoit. Right, right, head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, standing on the neck. Into the ropes, duck, high knee. Right, pretend I typed "right" eight more times just now. Suplex. H off the ropes with a kneedrop. Cover, leg is hooked - 2. Right hand. Benoit manages to dump H's neck on the top rope. Angle climbs onto the bottom rope, reaches WAY over, and tags Benoit in the back - clothesline for H, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Right, right, "Angle sux" chant. H reverses it in the corner, right, right, right, right, right, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, H ducks the clothesline and hits the hangman's neckbreaker. Rock asks for a return of favour, and H obliges, tagging him in. Rock on Angle - right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! He's in Benoit's corner but Benoit wants nothing to do with *this*. Samoan Drop - 1, 2, shoulder up. Right, right, into the ropes, Angle holds on and reverses into a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle over to slap Triple H - apparently that's a tag. H comes in, reluctantly. See, him and Rock are real good freinds now, or something. Angle with another right to the Rock - who stumbles into a Pedigree attempt - but Angle clotheslines Triple H before he can do it. Rock going for Rock Bottom! - but Angle breaks THAT up as well. Angle finally steps through the ropes and cheers on a healthy exchange between the Rock and Triple H. They look at each other - then both of them bring Angle in the hard way. It's pinball time! Right by the Rock, right by H, spit right by Rock - Benoit in, and both H and Rock throw HIM a right. And now it's spilled outside - H and Benoit and Rock with Angle. Each man takes turns putting his opponent's face into the STEEL steps - can you top this? Well, look at this. Finally, Rock puts Angle in the ring while Benoit and H stay outside. Rock Bottom on Angle! 1, 2...Triple H makes the save! Of course, Rock and H are legal, but Hebner proved Monday he couldn't be bothered to remember silly details like that. H and Benoit in the ring - Pedigree! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, *Rock* breaks it up! And now there's a staredown in the ring - looks like they WILL hook it up. Shove by Triple H - shove by Rock. H with a shove, Rock with a right, and now they're trading rights - and now it's H - and now it's Rock. Into the ropes, Rock's head down, facebuster by Triple H. Clothesline takes Rock out. Benoit with an uppernut on Triple H while his back was turned. Benoit stomping away on Triple H now. Chop, chop, chop, chop, right, right, into an Olympic Slam from Angle! Benoit throws Angle over the top rope in mid-celebration, then climbs the corner for the SWANDIVE HEADBUTT!! Slowly crawling over - 1, 2, Rock pulls Benoit outside and puts him into the ringpost! Rock inside - looks at Triple H laying in the middle of the ring - "hey, I could do a People's Elbow here" - and so he does. Leg is hooked...1, 2, *Stephanie* pulls Rock out! Rock goes out after her...and gets clocked with a blind clothesline by Benoit on the outside. Meanwhle, Angle sneaks in and hooks the leg. Stephanie on the apron...but she's not gonna save him THIS time. 1, 2, 3. (9:04) Post-match, Benoit is in to put the Crippler crossface on Triple H - H quickly taps out but, surprisingly, that doesn't help. I think Stephanie was set to ask Angle to help out her husband, but Rock is over to chase HER before she can make the request! Angle behind the Rock, spinning him around, Rock right, right, into the ring, Angle tries a kick, but Rock catches it - dragon screw legwhip into the Sharpshooter! Angle does some tapping as well. With Angle AND Triple H both tapping the mat, Stephanie comes in...but who does she save? She just shrugs instead. The REFS & OFFICIALS are out - Benoit lets go of the Crossface, then clocks Rock and puts HIM in the crossface! Stephanie checks on her husband. The refs *finally* get the hold broken. Benoit chases the refs out of the ring. Play his music! Benoit backs up the ramp, all smiles - he's the last man standing tonight. Credits are up and we're out.

AFTER THE FACT: Jason Hoagland provides an on-site view: Chris...

I was at Smackdown! and here's a couple of interesting notes... First, Road Dogg's an idiot. They cut his idiocy out however in editting. He welcomed Detroit Rock City to the Dogg House in his intro. They also cut out the first couple minutes of the match when the crowd was chanting "You're in Cleveland"... I assume that's why Lawler and Cole kept referring to their present location (cleveland) during the course of the match, and also why we booed him at the end other than the usual reason, being that he sucks.

Triple H certainly seems to enjoy being a face. After the end Rocky enlightened him on how to give the people's elbow. Those two seemd to work well together as faces.

I don't think Edge and Christian were the Conquistadors tonight. No idea who they might have been though, maybe the two guys who did dark matches beforehand.

Finally, the crowd reaction to both the Stone Cold segment and the Rocky promo were incredible. I'm sick of Rocky like you but I thoroughly enjoyed his promo. He's put a ton more effort into it since Stone Colds back. It may want to be noted that Rocky's pops were bigger than Stone Cold's.

See ya on the report...

See YOU at the pay-per-view!