KINGS UPDATE: 1-1, tied for second place, half a game behind....oy! The WARRIORS? Yup, Golden State is 1-0 on the basis of a thrilling finish in their opening game against the Suns. They're the only undefeated team in the Division...but don't expect it to last...

UPN! Thursday! Hey, did I just see Rikishi dancing with Too Cool? I better check that again later.

One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - WWF!

LAST MONDAY: Go read the report, I covered all this stuff there. I *promise*. Really, go read it...I'll be here when you get back. It's okay. By the way, in case you missed catching the vibe from me Tuesday...last Monday's RAW *smoked.* The ratings sucked, but I wouldn't be surprised if they went up THIS Monday as word got out about the overall smokedness of Monday's show. Hell, it just might be reflected in *tonight's* show. LET'S FIND OUT!

Opening Credits

PYRO! Crowd! Signs! And JUST THE TWO OF US - from the Unnamed Arena in Rochester, NY and transmitido en espanol SAP on some UPN stations - *this* is WWF SmackDown!, airing 2.11.2K (taped Halloween - what, no costumes? Remeber that one year Vince dressed up like a convict? That was HILARIOUS! They better do that next year...)

IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLL is probably gonna kick things off with something a certain webmaster likes to call "plausible deniability," and I don't know WHY I chose to say it THAT way. I wonder how Rock will start tonight! Oh, I'm wrong... "Stone Cold Steve Austin - you and the Rock, we're not friends, probably never will be friends. But although we're not friends, the Rock has always considered you a pretty sharp guy. The Rock would like to think that you would see through what Rikishi said last Monday night...but it seems that's not the case, Austin. You see, the Rock has tried calling ya - the Rock has tried voicemail, email, carrier pigeons, sent ya smoke signals, but obviously you didn't answer the Rock. So seeing as you didn't answer the Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, the Rock knows that you're in the building tonight...so the Rock says: come down. So we can do this, toe to toe, face to face, and man...to man." Crowd chants "Rock E" ... or is it "Austin?" "Stone Cold, maybe you didn't understand the Rock correctly - you see, the Rock isn't asking you to come down - the Rock is TELLING you to come down!" Ooh! Well NOW I hear glass and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is out, and looking rather Disturbed to boot. Will this encounter top the Rock/Jericho verbal joust of Monday? Austin to all four corners for a suck up to the crowd as the Rock politely waits...although his waiting is mixed with *just* a small amount of pacing. Austin has a mic as well...but it's still Rock with the floor. Are those dueling chants from the crowd? "You see, Stone Cold, regarding last November at Survivor Series, the Rock had nothing to do with that. Now why Rikishi came out last Monday night, said what he said, the Rock had no idea. Maybe it's because the Rock didn't have his back in the cage match you had. Maybe it's because Rikishi knew that he couldn't beat you. Or maybe it's because, quite frankly, Rikishi might be one crazy s(beep). But regardless of the fact, the bottom line is...the Rock didn't have a damn thing to do with running you ...over." "Let me get something straight right now. Stone Cold Steve Austin didn't come out here because you told me to. Stone Cold Steve Austin came out because he wanted to. There ain't a (beep) here that tells Stone Cold Steve Austin what to do...and that includes you. Ever since I've been here, Rock, I have lived by the words Don't Trust Anybody - I'm gonna live by those words, and I'm gonna die by those words. Maybe Rikishi is a liar. But how do I know that you ain't a bigger liar than Rikishi? How do I know that you and Rikishi ain't workin' together? How do I know that it wasn't you that dressed up in black last week on SmackDown! and hit me in the head with that steel wrench? Ya see, the real bottom line is this: everything I been through this whole last year...the only person Stone Cold Steve Austin trusts is that (beep) I look in the mirror every day...and his name happens to be Stone Cold Steve Austin." Did he used to refer to himself in the third person this much? Before we get any further, RIKASHMONEY enters our picture and takes position at the top of the ramp. I love Rikishi because he talks MUCH slower than I type. "Stone Cold...like the Rock, you and I have never been friends. But not until last November...we have never been enemies either. You see, one cold November 9th of last year, I received a phone call. And it was from...the Rock. And he said 'Rikishi...I need a favour. And it's a big one. I need you to take out Stone Cold Steve Austin.' He said that the WWF wasn't big enough for the both o' you. And he begged me...'Rikishi...please do me this favour.' You see, his merchandise sales were goin' down. And he was worried about that. The Rock - the Rock - after all I've done for you, you said you'd have my back and I watch your back. Well what happened? After I ran over Stone Cold at Survivor Series - after YOU hit him with the wrench on SmackDown! ... All I ask you was for a little help last Monday night in the steel cage match, and YOU, Rock, turned your back on ME! And you know what, Rock? I thought about that. And you know...I know now why you did that. Maybe because...you were scared. I was starting to become a big superstar...just like Stone Cold Steve Austin." "Well, Rikishi, the Rock didn't think that it was possible, but your story stinks more than your fat (beep). You see, Stone Cold Steve Austin, let's get something straight. The Rock KNOWS that you don't trust anybody. With everything you and the Rock have been through, you damn sure don't trust the Rock, but the fact of the matter is this: is that the Rock has always done everything face to face. The funeral incident, over a year ago, the Rock did it face to face. Throwing you over the bridge in Detroit city - the Rock did it face to face. And at WrestleMania, the Rock/Austni, biggest of all time...the Rock did it face to face. And the Rock hopes he makes himself perfectly clear...and one more thing the Rock wants to make perfectly clear tonight, is that Rock is gonna face the WWF Champion, Kurt Angle, and one more time become the WWF...Champion." Well, serves you right...here comes KING KURT ANGLE...maintaining respectful distance from Rikishi but also up on the stage. "Hold on a second! Rock, I know that you have your title shot set for here tonight, but there are several reasons why this match SHOULDN'T happen. First of all, my business advisor, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, is still very ill - so ill that she was unable to make it here tonight - not that I'd want her to come to Rochester, New York anyway, because we all know how easy it is to catch something contagious in this town...oh it's true...it's damn true...but more importantly, I have a problem with you, Rock. I mean, if what Rikishi says is true (and I don't doubt it), then I'm not only fearing losing my title, I'm fearin' for my life! See, Rock, you remind me of another great athlete slash movie star who had it all, did something very terrible, and then walked away scot free. Rock, to paraphrase Johnny Cochran, 'if taking out Austin is the plan you hatch, I see no other choice than to call off this match.' It's true. It's true." "Well, the Rock says this, Kurt Angle, why don't you go ahead and get Johnny Cochran to paraphrase this...why don't you, Kurt Angle, and you, Rikishi, bring your candy (beep) out here so the Rock can whip both your (beep) all over Rochester!" "He said Rochester!" Rikishi: "No no no, Rock. We're not gonna come in there to the ring tonight. You know, just from listening to you - just from looking at your eyes - just like Steve Austin said...we don't trust you either." Are Angle and Rikishi leaving together to Rikishi's music? Meanwhile, in the ring - hey Rock shouldn't have turned his back - KICK WHAM STUNNER #22! STEP OFF BECAUSE THE MAN SOMETHING SOMETHING YOU KNOW IT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING...

Not bad, for twenty minutes. I'm the LAST person who'd say this, but adding Austin to the mix - and taking Foley OUT - sure made the opening interview segment seem fresher.

Even the WWF stops for "the legend of Zelda." For some reason, the Hardyz seem PERFECT for this ad. They probably play "Magic," too

Chris Jericho eats ravioli...and is, like, the only guy wearing a shirt in this ad...well, except for the band...and that sea cap'n. Arrrrrr!

Debra is WALKING! She hits Foley's office and puts a "Lt. Commissioner" nameplate in front of the "Commissioner" one...rubs her hands...and grins...

Moments ago...KWS. Please don't go!

CRASH (Let Us Take You Back to Last Week...and Monday) v. T&A in a hardcore handicap match - I think what the Rick meant to say was that Crash was "the Leprechaun" Erin O'Grady back when he was competing in APW. I *think*. Maybe you better ask him. Crash has a big stick - but Albert takes it from him. He dares Crash to strike him - then offers him a lollipop. Ha! Test drops down and Albert shoves him backwards in an OLD SCHOOL schoolboy! A hearty laugh is shared at Crash's expense. Crash pops up and shoves Test. Backstage, we see that Steve Blackman is once again looking on, thanks to the Magic Window. Albert with a yaaaaaaaah press. Test holds on his arms as if to catch him...no, Test pulls away! They share another laugh...and then drop to their knees to give him a fighting chance. But Crash swings a garbage can lid and takes 'em both out with a shot each. Poised on the outside with a garbage can and laying in wait - shot for Test, but Albert gets a yaaaah kick from behind. A poundin' we will go, and now we're out alongside the ramp. Tonight, three big main events: Rock vs. Angle - Jericho vs. Rikishi - Triple H vs. Benoit! Backstage we go and we get another look at Blackman watching the Magic Window...then that camera walks over to find Test and Albert discuss bowling scores. "This one's mine!" Test takes Crash across the table of goodies. Ever closer to Blackman...and now right by him. Outside, past a garage door (where we get a good view of an XFL painted truck. They're ready to do that "arms and legs swing into the pool," only without the pool, but Blackman shows up and takes a kendo stick to both men. He rolls over Test and puts Crash on top. 1, 2, 3. Shouldn't Blackman have mentioned that it was party time? (2:34)

Lita congratulates Debra for her recent promotion. Ivory comes looking for Foley...but finds Debra in charge. "As a female in power I'm sure you're gonna want to start cleaning up this organisation - you know you could start with the Women's division. Why don't you give me a title shot so we could finally have a woman's champion that truly depicts the proper image of a woman? Yes, and second of all...why don't you clean up *your* image...I mean, the way that you push up your...puppies. You really shouldn't be.. encouraging adolescents to look at your breasts." At this point, Trish enters the picture to protest interference in hardcore matches (now THAT'S brain power!). Ivory: "Speaking of breasts...the only title you should have is something out of an adult magazine!" Then Jacqueline shows up and says that if Ivory gets a title shot, then "Ebony should get one too." Then she snaps like she was on a morning talk show. YOU GO, GIRL! Debra decides that a four corners match is in order. I don't know why that's doing it "Debra-style," but I'm SURE there's a good joke in there somewhere! Well, that was a tough choice, wasn't it? Debra *also* says that no members of T&A, Hardy Boyz, OR RtC will be allowed at ringside. Jacqueline, of course, HAS no friends...I suspect racism - hey, maybe Bobby Walker was RIGHT!

Yo. Yo. Yo.

Yo.

Patty Patty Buke Buke - HE'S no drunk driver

You're watching WWF SmackDown! - on UPN! Sure enough, there's Rikishi hanging with Too Cool....if only for a split second. May I repeat? If they had known Rikishi was the driver...they wouldn't have taped them together, knowing they'd be breaking up so soon thereafter. You buy that?

And now, the WWF Boot of the Week! From RAW last Monday, Steven Richards - with just a SMIDGEN of help from Eddie Guerrero - stripped Mr. (Beep) of his very name.

Speaking of which, STEVEN RICHARDS is out. "The Right to Censor has fought to help this program be raised from the sewers of filth and profanity. The truth stares each and every one of you right in the face - but, by no fault of your own, you have been conditioned to believe that lewd and disgusting behaviour is not only acceptible...but entertaining. And you have Hollywood and the WWF to thank for that; however, I am happy to say that those days will soon be over. Both Democrats and Republicans have realised that there is no 'biz' in show biz, and Hollywood has hidden behind our First Amendment rights too long. So, politicians and the Right to Censor now stand together and say NO MORE. And just think of all the changes the Right to Censor have already made in the World Wrestling Federation due to the strength of our conviction. Just imagine how many changes will be made when those convictions are conveyed to our politicians! So we ask for your support, we ask for your trust, and we ask for your vote - the vote for censorship...and it is for...your own good." BONG. Are you scared? He's here. HEY HEY HEY HEY I hope he's out to tell him he's talkin' funny! MY GOD! THE STEEL STEPS! How DO they DO that? 'taker is clad in blue jeans, blue bandana and "CRIME INC." T-shirt. He raises a fist...and everybody returns it. Richards continues. "Mr. Undertaker - I find this to be a great opportunity to ask you right here in front of all these people...to join us." Now THAT'D be cool and totally make no sense. The Reaper grabs the mic...and Richards' tie. "Did you say...join you? Hell, I can't even stand to look at you. As a matter of fact, I think you, the Right to Censor, and alllllll those politicians that back you...SUCK." Knee to the gut - wedgiebomb! Cole: "Now that's freedom of expression!" Umm....Richards has a right to HIS freedom of speech, too. Doesn't he? The American American drives up the ramp...almost running over GOODFATHER & WALL BUCHANAN & BALD VENIS in the process!

Earlier Today, ADAM SANDLER met all sorts of WWF Superstars. His favourite superstar is.....Earl Hebner? Gag me! "I was wondering if I could take you out for a beer, but you pay." That Sandler's A CARD, I tell ya! By the way, "Little Nicky" starts 10 November!

Look! It's Trish Stratus! And she's WALKING!

Hey! It's Ivory! And SHE is WALKING!

Look there! It's Jacqueline! Can you believe it? She's WALKING!

And here's the WWF Women's Champion - and you KNOW that Lita is WALKING!

"Can You Take the Heat? The WWF is Cooking!" ad. Nobody walks in it...as far as I saw

Hey, what's the deal with that Thunder Tanks annoucer guy's package in that ad there? It's...well, it's THERE. We don't need THAT to sell video games, do we?

You're watching WWF SmackDown on UPN! You didn't FORGET, did you?

They should call this Round Table ad "two gay guys talkin' 'bout pizza"

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by THQ's "Summoner" for the PS2! From Earlier Tonight...Rikishi said some tings, and I heard some tings. Also a Stunner!

Edge & Christian (and their kazoo) approach Debra (the "anti-Foley") and ask for her to waive the "sucktacular" rule about them not ever taking on the Hardyz again and granting them a tag team title shot. "You can totally do it, 'cause, like He-Man, YOOOOUUUUU HAVE THE POWAAHHHHHHHH!" Debra says she's not Mick Foley, but she's also not an idiot, and sweet talkin' her ain't gonna work. "As fare as you are concerned, I *am* Mick Foley - tag team title shot...(chirping) denied!" she squeaks. "She's not Foley - she's worse!"

Our hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. AL SNOW happens by to offer Lawler another bribe - a plate of delicious cold cuts. Lawler tries to give him a WWF cookbook in return. This week, Lawler is the guest host on Heat! Special performance by Godsmack!

WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: LITA (with SmackDown! is brought to you by THQ's "Summoner" for PS2, Slim Jim, and "The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask" from Nintendo!) v. JACQUELINE v. IVORY v. TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL in a four corners match - what's this, the second match? Jackie starts pounding on Lita - into the ropes, back elbow, elbowdrop...2. Right, into the ropes, side salto, leg is hooked, 2. Swinging backslide gets 1. Lita returns the favour with a clothesline and cover for 2. Into the ropes, Stratus makes a blind tag - arm drag takeover of Jackie by Lita, but Trish sneaks in the bulldog - alleged suplex - leg is hooked - Lita kicks out at 2. Lita with a kick in the gut, off the ropes, clothesline. Slightly better suplex from Lita. Off the ropes, but Ivory puts a knee in the back and comes in - stomp, stomp, to Trish - handful of hair, and a beal to a neutral corner. Ivory parts the ropes, then tags herself in. Apparently that was a clever way to get her to tag herself in. Poungind on Lita - arm wringer - NICE Northern Lights suplex for 2! Lita drops out of the suplex attempt and manages a Twist of Fate out of nowhere, so Jacqueline comes in to break it up at 2. Forearm for Lita - into the ropes, got her up but Lita takes Jackie down with a 'rana. Sort of - YIKES. Stratus in - gutshot by Lita, into the ropes is reversed - got HER up, but there's another scary 'rana. Man that's UGLY. All four in now...referee "Blind" Jim Korderas occupies himself with Jacqueline and Stratus, missing Lita get the upper hand, behind his back, with a scoop slam. Lita removes her shirt (!), then goes upstairs. Moonsault! But Korderas *still* misses it. He also misses the cover. He also misses EDGE & CHRISTIAN coming in...sidewalk slam/slop drop combo - they quickly take off and Ivory covers...1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Women's champion. I guess I was wrong about them being Jacqueline's friend....but I was close! RIGHT TO CENSOR (sans Richards) are out to celebrate with Ivory, who gives a Stevenesque look to the crowd.

JONATHAN COACHMAN asks Rikishi if he's prepared to take on Chris Jericho tonight. "You know, you're as stupid as you look. You question if I'm ready for Chris Jericho? There isn't nothing in this world that I'm not ready for! You see everyone knows the truth - I told the truth that the Rock was the one. The Rock knew it - I knew it - and now Stone Cold Steve Austin knows it. You know I don't blame Stone Cold, not one bit, for Stunning the Rock. But you know what? Words of warning, that the Rock did it once, and the Rock will do it again, and as far as Y2J, you're just another person for ME to run over." He was BEGGING to say "just another victim" there, I bet..

The Hardyz are mesmerised, yet again, by ........ the legend of Zelda. Did I mention a contest at wwfzelda.com? No? Eh.

Hey, you seen this "Flick Trix" ad? So the guy goes to open his parachute, righ? And he pulls his rip cord...and it just breaks, right? He's got no parachute...he's FREE FALLING. And he just *looks* at us and says "Over the Edge!" What the HELL is THAT about? Could you TRY to make a more unfortunate choice of words?

Obviously, I've really been missing out by fast-forwarding through these ads...

Backstage, Austin paces...he's on the cel phone...but who's on the other end?

RIKASHMONEY (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW is WAR) v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - you know what Rikishi's lighting treatment reminds me of? Vader...only with white light instead of red. Rikishi wants him to bring it...so he does. And he knocks him down. Another big right. Into the ropes, clothesline. Stomp, stomp, stomp, knee, Jericho rolls outside. Rikishi follows. Head to the STEEL steps - yowch. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long comes outside and asks him to please consider taking it back inside. Headbutt on the outside. Now he's rolled back in. Another hard shot. Into the opposite corner, back to the other corner. Rikishi warms it up...but Jericho gets the boots up before he can splash him. Jericho with kicks - whip is reversed easily, but Jericho gets up the heel kick off the ropes. Outside we go - Jericho with a forearm, head to the barricade, head to the ringpost, head to the next ringpost. You know, them island boys have the hard heads - Jericho keeps plugging away - about six rights there. Knife-edge chop as they come back inside, chop, gutshot, off the ropes but Rikishi shrugs it off and locks in a sleeper. Jericho fights it as we take a look at Rikishi's freshly-opened cut. Jericho elbows out...but Rikishi grabs him by the hair and puts him back in. Jericho goes behind - forearms - to the corner - schoolboy - 1, 2, shoulder up but he's still on him. Trying to roll him over for the Walls of Jericho? Long counts his shoulders down...as he lifts a shoulder, Jericho tries to finish rolling him over...but it ain't happening. Finally, Rikishi goes to the eyes and breaks it up. Jericho gets up an elbow. Bulldog! Jericho off the ropes, flying jalapeno, springboard dropkick takes him through the ropes to the floor! Ah, hell, it's apparently time for WELL IT'S KANE to make with the red lights and disqualificationery and the like. Jericho awaits him with a chair - WHACK - no effect on Big Red. ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. (DQ 3:59) Cole: "Is this all over that damned spilled coffee? Jericho apologised!" Kane's music plays as he leaves him laying in a pool of red light. And NOW, Rikishi is back in after Kane leaves...dragging him to the corner. Is he? WILL he? YES! BAN! ZAI! DRAWWWWWWWP! Play HIS music! (even though he lost)

Well, lookee here, it's Chyna and Billy Gunn...AND THEY'RE WALKING!

I heard Randy Savage's voice in that Slim Jim ad. Can I start a rumour?

Moments Ago, Kane screwed up another interesting match. I guess the kicker is the way the WWF loves to remind us that "it's all about spilled coffee..." like they're rubbing in our faces that they don't NEED but the flimsiest of reasons to build a feud.

During the Break, KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY caught up with Kane, and asked wassup. "You think this is about...coffee?" And he scares him off.

Oh. Well, I guess *I* sound like an idiot, now. Oh well.

BALD VENIS (with Earlier Tonight) and EDDIE GUERRERO v. (CENSORED) and THAT SLUT CHYNA - Venis is a replacement for Richards, who took the Last Ride in the first hour. As "Ass Man" plays, Venis expresses a tough of righteous indignation. "WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA cut the music! CUT THE MUSIC! Billy, you lost your name in a stipulation match to our cherished leader, Steven Richards, who just so happened to sacrifice himself here tonight for each and every one of you here...and at home. So I will not let you disgrace his efforts by continuing to use that disgusting music. So Billy, we censored your name, and now we will censor your music." Chyna's on "Mad TV" Saturday. Venis and that no-name guy start. Commentators are all confused as to what to call him. Umm, you *could* call him BILLY GUNN. Lawler suggests "Billygee," which is...well, pretty gay. Of course, lookit Billy. He looks ready to change gimmicks and hook back up with the Village People. Lockup, Guerrero from behind with a sneak attack. Doubleteam stompdown as referee "Blind" Tim White duly walks over to keep Chyna from coming in. Venis on him in the corner - whip into the opposite corner is reversed and Venis hits hard. Tag to Chyna, Venis put in the opposite corner, Chyna's crappy handspring elbow has been sprinkled on top with an assisted backflip from Gunn. Whip to the other corner and Chyna returns the favour by helping Gunn out with a cartwheel into an EQUALLY crappy back elbow. Yikes. Well, at least keeping these two together means only one awful match containing them instead of two. Double bulldog on Venis. Guerrero over, Gunn hiptosses him. They're both out, leaving Venis and Chyna as we watch the Warriors of Might and Magic Double Feature of the .....brrr...handspring elbow with superfluous assisted backflip. Crappy forearm back in real-time - into the ropes is reversed, Guerrero grabs the ankle. Chyna's head run into the corner, tag to Guerrero, doubleteam. Venis further shields the ref from what's going on in the corner behind him. Guerrero working the body, so to speak. Guerrero shadow boxing for no other reason than 'cause he's COOL. They draw Gunn into the ring, then doubleteam Chyna with stomps while White dutifully puts him back. Venis puts Chyna in the ropes, head down, kick by Chyna, kick, off the ropes, but Venis hits a back elbow. Laboured neckbreaker attempt is countered when Chyna's trick knee acts up. Both men - sorry, I didn't mean that - they're both down - White puts on the count...at 4, each man - PERSON - makes a tag - Gunn is a house on fire! Clothesline for Guerrero, big back body drop for Venis, who rolls outside. Gutshot and jackhammer on Guerrero gets 2. Venis in to break it up - Venis out...again, at the hands of a backdrop. Tag to Chyna - double neckbreaker. 1, 2, but Guerrero kicks out! Venis pulls Gunn outside the ring and they brawl as Chyna tries a press...but Guerrero wriggles free...and falls to the mat. Going for a slop drop, but Chyna backflips over, then hits the WORST "neckbreaker" in the world (she starts with a sleeper, then flings her legs backwards, dropping Eddie to the mat in the clothesline position - hell, YOU name it) for the fall. (3:58) Oh boy, Chyna just pinned the champ - we better give her a title shot at the next pay-per-view or something! Replay of the ... thing.

Austin's still talking on his phone...WHOA! A heavy metal crate falls EVER SO CLOSE to him from above, just missing him. Austin walks off, trying to find the person responsible...

You're watching...a show of some sort...on some network

Moments Ago, a big heavy crate didn't fal on Austin

Coming back live, the referees and officials take a look and try to figure out what just happened...

Meanwhile, Jonathan Coachman knocks on the Rock's door....but *he's not in his dressing room.* OOOOOOH

AL SNOW (with Head - and the lid from a head...and an ad for "Little Nicky") v. TAZZZZZZZZZZ (with Raven) - Snow carries a decorated toilet lid with "KING" written on it. Let's watch this ad! Ahh, it's for the King's "throne." Methinks it'd be a touch uncomfortable to sit on the jewels on that seat. Lawler again declines the opportunity to help out Snow. Raven takes third headest as Tazz surprises Snow, then puts him in the ring. "What about me? What about Raven? I just want to say I've been listening to you two - what a bunch of uninspiring, long-winded sanctimonious drivel you two are puttin' forth." Snow with a stomp, pound, in the corner, kick, kick, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Into the oppostie corner, reversal, Snow slides to a stop - Tazz ducks the clothesline and hits a head-and-arm Tazzplex. Lawler suggests he and Tazz team up - they can be the "Z team." Raven says he's out to make sure Lawler doesn't interfere in this match. See, Raven's ALL about fairness. Man, I miss Johnny Polo on colour commentary. Into the corner, Snow slides - side kick, spin kick, sitout powerbomb. 1, 2, Tazz gets a shoulder up. Tazz put in the corner - their heads collide as he tries to come back. And now, Raven says *he's* set to interfere, and does so...but before he can do anything, Lawler is up and pulling him down... Referee "Blind" Jack Doan keeps his eyes on Lawler as Raven walks around, ducks a Head shot, and holds him for Tazz...of course, Snow escapes, Raven takes the punch, and Snow rolls him up with a schoolboy for the 1, 2, 3. (1:23 Plaza Sesamo) But the flash pin didn't do much for Tazz' mood - in fact, I think you could say it's about to change, as he and Raven doubleteam Snow...until Lawler decides that he's a man that does the right thing, making the save and using the toilet seat as a weapon. He actually horsecollars Raven for a few moments, letting him wearing the seat around his neck. FLUSH YOU! Play Lawler's music!

LILIAN GARCIA stands with Triple H, who asks for some reaction to this clip from Monday. Let Us Take You Back as Triple H gives Angle a superbeating after Stephanie leaves the building. "See, what Kurt Angle doesn't realise here is I'm about to bury the hatchet - and this is how I did it: Pedigree through a table. This whole thing with Kurt Angle and I has been coming to a head for a long time, and now that his manager - my wife is out of the picture, I'm free to take it all out on Kurt Angle. And as far as the referee's decision, the referee wants to disqualify me, I don't care - my goal wasn't to - to pin Kurt Angle, my goal was to destroy Kurt Angle and I did - Edge and Christian - birthday present for Edge, Christian, little Pedigree, you guys wanna hang out with the game, you gotta know what it's like to play the game." What did Stephanie think of that vicious attack, and how did it affect their relationship? "My relationship with my wife, Lilian, is none of your business - it's none of anybody's business. My wife is home under a doctor's care right now trying to get rid of a virus. As far as Kurt Angle goes, I don't give a crap about Kurt Angle. I never have, and I never will. Monday night, I beat Kurt Angle's ass...because I can. Because I felt like it. If Kurt Angle, tonight, loses the World Wrestling Federation Championship to the Rock, it'll be because I softened him up Monday night on RAW. Now I'm on a little mission here...I'm finishing some unsettled business. Monday night I finished my business with Kurt Angle....tonight, I finish my business with Chris Benoit."

Jakks Pacific's "WWF Backstage Mayhem" ad - the only appearance of the Big Boss Man tonight, I'm guessing

CHRIS BENOIT (with Warriors of Might and Magic - who also present the Survivor Series!) v. THE NEW MAN - When you think "Survivor Series," do you think "radar screen?" Just curious. During H's entrance, Cole runs down the recent history betwixt yon two warriors. Benoit rushes him and it's on - trading blows - now just Benoit - kick, kick, kick, into the ropes, reversed, back elbow by H. Gutshot, immediately going for the Pedigree, Benoit reversing to try for the crossface, H pounding his back - armdrag takeover by Benoit. Still jockeying for position - rolling to the ropes - and under, to the floor! Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda tries in vain to get them in the ring - Benoit runs at him, H with a drop toehold into the STEEL steps. H drops Benoit onto the barricade. H back in the ring and Chioda counts - not even past 2 before H is over to bring him in the hard way - suplexing him into the ring! H in the corner - running Flair kneedrop gets 2. Right hand by the Game. Benoit put into the corner - no, it's reversed - sternum first for H - shot to the back by Benoit - BIG death suplex and both men are slow to get up. H pulling himself up in the corner, Benoit kick, kick, kick, into the opposite corner, boot up by Triple H (who is getting a CHANT?) - trying for the armbar, but H punches out - into the corner, kick to the gut, H going for the Pedigree AGAIN - Benoit with a double leg - punches by H - kicking him back...oh oh, into Chioda, knocking him out. Benoit with a right, right, into the ropes, head down, facebuster by Triple H. Gutshot, and this time the Pedigree DOES ...no! Because DEAN MALENKO is out - duck, right, right, clothesline to take *him* out - PERRY SATURN is out but H deals with HIM, reversing a whip, duck, dumping him outside with a backdrop. Gutshot to Benoit, and the Pedigree FINALLY lands on Benoit...leg is hooked...but Chioda is STILL out. EDDIE GUERRERO completes the quartet - IC belt shot to the back of the head - and putting Benoit on top. Saturn rousts Chioda. 1, 2, 3. (3:41) And the music that plays is an old, familiar favourite...that of the R4DICALZ. Brief four-way beatdown, and all four strike a pose in the middle of the ring. Of course, H can't lose his heat, so he brings in a chair and gets a WHACK on Saturn before everybody scatters. Even TERRI is out now, and they've tied up all the loose ends, indeed...but probably not the way H meant it when he was talking earlier. Play Triple H's music! You know, if Triple H doesn't watch it, I'm gonna have to launch into a lengthy diatribe about "showing ass" and BOY OH BOY THEN he'll be sorry!

TONIGHT: WWF Championship on the line as the Rock takes on Kurt Angle! Stephanie's in this graphic but don't count on seeing her!

One more Pat Buchanan ad. He's against immigrants, I've heard.

"WWF Backstage Mayhem" ad #2

Man, I haven't heard that Godsmack ad since....sniff...since ECW was still on TNN. Whatever happened to ECW anyway? Rumours that I'll be at WWF New York for Heat are just that - I'll probably be somewhere close to the WFMU vinyl fair, if you care.

Oh yeah, a big shot of WWF New York.

Moments Ago, Triple H had no problem against three of the R4dicalz...but fortunately for us, there's IV of them. Slow-mo shot of all four men standing in the centre with arms raised

Our commentators pump up the Radicals. There's strength in numbers...and it's scary to think about what these four men could do...together. "They could become the most powerful force we've EVER seen in the WWF!" Commentators turn to a wonder aloud of who was behind the big crate.

Earlier tonight, Steve Austin delivered that move we all know so well. Could it have provoked the falling anvil?

Earlier tonight, a few hundred pounds of metal made a big noise.

Hey, there's Rock! Kevin Kelly catches up to him and asks him to explain his whereabouts earlier in the show? "What are you, the Rock's mother? Where the Rock was earlier is the Rock's business, not yours! The only thing you have to concern yourself with is that tonight's the night the Rock is gonna go out there and, against Kurt Angle, become six-time WWF Champion. And just for the record, don't you ever concern yourself with the Rock's business again."

Kurt Angle walks (WALKING!) up and down the same set of stairs and talks to himself. He sure misses Stephanie, golly, he sure does.

New "RAW is WAR" on TNN ad - despite the script, which sounds like it was recycled from that Castrol (Castrol?) ad.

"Backstage Mayhem" ad #3

WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on (U! P! N!) UPN

Hell, THIS Round Table ad has a "MEAT CAM" - YOU tell ME those guys talking about pizza aren't gay

Meat Cam. HA HA HA

Smack Down your vote - TUESDAY! "I will vote because I believe in Harry Browne." Why don't they say THAT?

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLL v. KING KURT ANGLE - does the fact that the champion enters second cement the fact that Rock is being pushed in a different, non-face direction....or did they just *finally* get it right? Rock brings him in the hard way and it's on - right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT. Angle ducks a clothesline and hits a big German suplex. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Angle's been LEARNING. Choke on the second rope - referee "Blind" Earl Hebner forces the break. Right hand by Angle. Right. Rock fires back - right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow. Right, into the ropes, reversed, Angle with a powerslam. 1, 2, Rock gets the shoulder up. Stomp. "Angle sux" chant is rather muted. Right, right, right. Right, and Rock goes down...and out. Angle goes outside - commentary table shot is blocked - and Angle's head his it instead. Another head to the commentary table - that can't help his head, considering the Pedigree he took Monday! Whip into the barricade is reversed, however - powerslam on the floor! Angle stomps. Back in the ring and Angle goes to the headlock. "Rock E!" Arm falls once...Rock to his feet - elbow, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, duck, double clothesline and BOTH men go down. Hebner puts on the ten count..."Rock E!" a bit stronger. Here's the Warriors of Might and Magic Double Feature. Both men up at 6 - Rock ducks, clothesline, clothesline, clothesline, into the ropes, reversed, gutshot, floatover DDT, cover, 2! Right hand, into the ropes is reversed, head down, Rock kicks...but Angle catches him coming in - BIG belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Angle looks at Rock...and gives a "to hell with this" and leaves the ring, grabs his belt and takes off. Hebner threatens to count - and Angle DARES him to get to ten. 6, 7, 8, 9...Rock puts up the hand before Hebner says ten. Rock goes outside and runs up the ramp - forearm to the back of the head, at the top of the stage! Rock puts Angle's head under his elbow, and walks him all the way back to the ring. Rolled in. Angle to the face, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock with a belly-to-belly throw...leg is hooked...but only 2! Right, right, into the ropes, Samoan Drop, leg is hooked but Angle rolls the shoulder at 2. Rock with a right hand, Angle gets underneath the Rock's clothesline attempt and hits the Olympic Slam! Slowly he gets over to cover....1, 2, SHOULDER UP!! What's left for Angle to do? He runs at Rock...but he throws him over the top rope to the floor! Angle clutches his ankle and asks Hebner to stop the count. Hebner stops at four and goes outside to check on Angle. Warriors of Might and Magic Double Feature as the commentators wonder aloud about the severity of Angle's ankle injury. Didn't look THAT bad on the replay. Two more refs are out. Angle: "That's it, it's over." Did he just give up the title? Oh, I guess not. Rock goes outside and brings him back in! Rock catches the kick, dragon screw legwhip, sharpshooter! Will he tap out? Well, maybe RIKASHMONEY has something to say about all this. Rock lets go of the hold to punch Rikishi before he can get on the apron. Angle tries to sneak in from behind while Rock's back is turned, but he's back around - catching him in a SPINEBUSTER! But Rikishi made it in with a shot to the head. Damn. (DQ 7:46) Rikishi stomps away - now it's a *doubleteam* stompdown by Angle and Rikishi...suddenly, the glass breaks again and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN *sprints* out ... but who's he out FOR? Looks like Angle to me - at least right now. Right, right, KO right. To Rikishi now, right, right, right, right, right, through the ropes he falls. KICK WHAM STUNNER #23 for Angle. Tossing him outside, but Rock is back up and poised...ROCK BOTTOM for Austin! IF YA SMELLLLLLL Credits are up, as Rock stands over Austin with a look of vengeance in his eyes...but we're out. For now.

Wow, good show tonight - good show Monday - ohhhh, it's SWEEPS MONTH? Check.

I got a flight to New York to catch...we'll see you Monday, from the east coast!