UPN!

One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - W - W - F!

Highlights from RAW show Austin's spider sense...tingling...and Benoit and Rock brawling backstage with HILARIOUS results. WHO WILL SURVIVE?

Opening Credits

SET IT OFF 'cause Survivor Series won't be waiting - 72 hours from the pay-per-view extravaganza but we'll chop off two tonight - from the Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, IN and airing 16.11.2K (taped 14.11) on the UPN, not to mention transmitido en espanol (SAP), THIS is WWF SMACKDOWN! Tonight, Steve Austin meets Eddie Guerrero one on one, and Chris Jericho and Undertaker team to take on Kane and Kurt Angle!

RIKASHMONEY lumbers out with his sledgehammer. Sign in crowd: "BACK THAT ASS OFF A CLIFF" Crowd manages to get around the multisyllabic "Rikishi sux" - or is that just "Rock E?" "You can chant all you want...but the Rock ain't here. You idiots throughout the world just don't Get It. So let me help you recognise. You see, the Rock comes out here, night after night, after night runnin' his mouth about what he's gonna do to me. Then he comes out here talkin' about at Survivor Series he's got a special gift for me. Well I tell you what the Rock would do if he was here...not a damn thing. Because if he was here, all the Rock would do is walk down the People's Ramp...walk up the People's Steps...and walk into the People's Ring, just so I could slap his (beep) right back down. Of course, while the Rock is down, all you people would do is just cheer and chant his name. (cue chant) Ya see, like the Rock, this Survivor Series, like the Rock, Rikishi is a very giving man. I like to give, and give, and give, until you can't take it anymore. Hell, I just gave Rock a gift, and if you don't know, the gift I gave the Rock was a sledgehammer straight through his chest - roll the footage. Now there you go, right there. There you go, right there, there you go. Now see, Rock is very ungrateful - after all the trouble me and Triple H went through giving him that gift, he's a very ungrateful man, and of course thanks to the Radicalz...speaking of them I'd like to take this time right now just to say thank you to the Radicalz..."

We look back to the dressing room, where Benoit says the pleasure was all theirs. Guerrero asks his mates to stick around and watch him kick Austin's teeth down his throat. Saturn says after that's done, it'll be "one down, one to go..."

Back to the ring. "You see, Rock, the difference between me and you is that I will stop at nothing. I will take you out, Rock, this Sunday, until there is no more People's Champ. I will take you out, Rock, until there is no more Rock - unlike Stone Cold Steve Austin, Rock - that was just business. But between me and you...this is personal, man. So what I'm sayin' to you - come Sunday, Survivor Series, if you think that this sledgehammer was painful to your chest - you ain't felt nothing yet...until I beat yo (beep) at Survivor Series." COMMISSIONER McFOLEY is out to offer another viewpoint. "Rikishi, do you think running the Rock down, putting him down with a sledgehammer makes you tough? You think it makes you feared? It doesn't make you tough OR feared, it simply makes you a gutless coward! So after what you've done to Stone Cold, after what you've done to the Rock, I got to thinking, maybe I need to take some action as WWF Commissioner. Maybe I need to fine you. Maybe I need to suspend you. Hell, maybe I need to fire you from the WWF! Oh no no no, you see, I'm not going to do any of those things...because I'm going to leave your punishment completely up to the Rock, because I guarantee no punishment I could come up with would compare to what the Rock will do to you at Survivor Series! And because of you it's doubtful, it's questionable that the Rock won't even be here tonight. So the way I see it - if the Rock might not be here, then I definitely don't want you here, because you make me, and you make all the people right here in Indianapolis...just a little bit sick to our stomachs. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to invite some gentlemen over here...come on, guys...they're gonna have themselves a little walk to the ring..." FIVE COPS come out. "They're going to be nice enough to escort you right the hell out of the building, and I don't wanna see your face until you and the Rock are standing toe to toe at Survivor Series! Now get him the hell outta the ring - get him out now! Rikishi...have a nice day." Rikishi doesn't want any trouble, so he walks up the ramp...the cops flanking him all the way...

Triple H sits in the WWF Studios in Stamford, CT - what's he got to say? We'll find out later!

The Hardy Boyz are all into Zelda. Visit wwfzelda.com and ... something

You're watching UPN! Did you forget?

During the Break, Foley told Rikishi to get into his car and leave. And...he did! "Hey, Mick...you know I like to drive!" HAAAAAAhahahahaha that's a good one.

T&A (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model) v. CRASH (with Molly Holly) and KOOL MOE DEE - Meet Shawn Michaels at the Frank Erwin Center Box Office in Austin, Tejas! Say "hi" to Palacios while you're there. Hardcore wants to start, and he's there with Albert - lockup, powered into the corner, right, yaaah right, yaaaaah right, yaaaah right, yaaah kick, yaaaah into the opposite corner, yaaaah Hardcore got the boots up, but ran into a yaaaaaaah press - 1, 2, reps, but Holly frees himself - single leg takedown and peppering him with punches. Big right hand. Right. Tag to Crash, kick, doubleteam kicking. Crash with an elbow. Another elbow. Ducking a right, Crash with two more elbows. Albert manages to lift him over into the corner, but Crash ducks AGAIN and goes back to the European elbow - four quick ones - off the ropes, duck, yaaaaaaaah sidewalk slam is gonna stop that. Tag to Test. Right hand. Into the opposite corner, but Crash gets up the elbow. Got the boot up THIS time. BIG DDT by Crash and both men are down. Hardcore gets the tag! Clothesline! Clothesline! Into the ropes, reveresed, duck, Best Dropkick in the Business, but Albert breaks it up. Crash comes in....and quickly goes out, thanks to Albert. In the ring, Hardcore puts Test on the ropes, lifts his legs and kicks him in the nuts - we may need to name that if he keeps doing it. Stratus on the apron - just enough distraction for Test to hit a full nelson slam for 2. Into the ropes, Holly goes behind, rollup - 1, 2, 3! (3:09) Albert with the yaaaaaaahbomb post-match. Crash back in - pumphandle Meltdown by Test. Test and Albert move to get on either side of Molly...who backs into the ring - where Stratus is ready with a surprise bulldog. Boot is removed - BOOT TO THE HEAD! T&A's theme plays as they take off - Stratus all smiles.

Back in the Radicalz dressing room, the meat is served by a bald guy in chef's hat - Malenko: "Hey, Stone Cold, how about a couple beers with this?" Terri: "What kinda meat *is* that?" Guerrero: "It's just like Stone Cold....DEAD meat."

Triple H stews in his chair at the WWF Studios - coming up next, we'll hear from him!

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN - or rather, an ad break during SmackDown!

WOW! TWO GAY GUYS TALKIN' 'BOUT ROUND TABLE PIZZA! Strangely enough, though, during this ad when he says "it's a solid wall of meat..." well, he *ain't* talkin' 'bout pizza

How about a shot of the statuesque Conseco Fieldhouse?

Ring announcer TONY CHIMEL directs our attention to the OvalTron, where "live from our WWF Studios in Stamford, Connecticut, a special message from TRIPLE H!"

THE NEW MAN sits in the Prime Time Studios - does that make this an OLD SCHOOL promo? Crowd boos. "Austin... Monday night at RAW, you had a feeling. You couldn't explain what it was - you just knew that, deep down inside you, something was wrong. Let me tell you what that feeling was, Austin: it was me. Because I was there, and deep down inside you knew it - you could feel my presence in that building. You could feel me around you - you KNEW something was wrong. And why you had that feeling - it's a little thing called fear. Fear, Austin. Fear of me - and you should be afraid. You should be VERY afraid. Austin, I know you've had that feeling before. It all started about a year ago, didn't it - that feeling. Just about this time, one year ago, Survivor Series - that's where the fear all began. (Survivor Series Clip) You were doing a little interview - you and Kevin Kelly - when suddenly you're attacked. You see it's me - and what am I doing Austin, why would I attack you for no apparent reason, in the middle of an interview? Because it's a setup. You see, and the chase is on - you wanna chase me down a hall - why would I wanna run from you, Austin? Because it's a plan. Because I wanted to set you up. I wanted to take you to a place that you would never, ever forget, Austin. (sinister music and red tint) Joe Louis Arena. Parking garage. It was a cold night, Austin - about to get colder. You see, you had that feeling again. But before you could think to see what it was, WHAM - run down like a dog in the street...and Rikishi makes a clean getaway. You see, I didn't do it all by myself, Austin - not one man can do it all...I had to have an accomplice, (black and white replays) and Riksihi - he's one hell of a driver. And what happened from there? You see, Rikishi went on to dance his way into everybody's hearts - I opened the door for him. That was Rikishi's payment. And as far as me - I went on to reign supreme as the World Wrestling Federation champion. In your absence, Austin, NO ONE - no one could touch me. Hell, I even married the boss' daughter. The McMahon-Helmsley Era reigned supreme, and it went on...and on. And when somebody got in my way - I took them out. Mick Foley - yeah, Mick Foley was a legend. But I retired his ass - I put him on the shelf to get him outta my face. And it was smooth sailing, Austin, from there on out...until you decided to show back up. (Backlash clip of Austin chairing Triple H) Austin, you just couldn't stay away, could ya - you had to come back, you had to get involved...you had to cost me the World Wrestling Federation championship, didn'tcha. And all because you had to know. You came back because you had to find out who ran you over - you had to know who ran you down like a dog, who tried to end your career. Austin, you can't believe the feeling of power I had when you looked me in my eye and you asked me the question."

(RAW is WAR 2 months ago: "So I want you to look me in the eyes and give me your story." "I'm the kinda guy that would look you dead in your eye just like I am right now...and I'd do the job like a man...in your face, but I did not run you over with that car, and I do not know who did." "Well, you're either a liar, a crazy son of a (beep)...or maybe...just maybe you *are* telling the truth.")

"You know, you're right Austin - maybe I am a little bit crazy. But, you gotta admit, with the things that are going on around here lately...hell, that's just pure genius. (SmackDown! last month) I mean, Austin, the parking lot incident - come on, that's pure genius. Rikishi lures you out there, and I pull out in the car. You take off in hot pursuit, but let's face it, Austin, the whole thing was just to send a little message to your good buddy, JR. (SmackDown! 3 weeks ago) And then Rikishi called you to the ring, Austin...and you just COULDN'T wait. And neither could I. (dramatic slo-mo's of the black gloved hand with wrench hitting Austin - last one in super slo mo, zoomed in, and in black and white - sinister background music too) (SmackDown! 2 weeks ago when the crate fell) Austin, you just can't look straight ahead when I'm around. You gotta look up, you gotta look down, you gotta look everywhere. And when you look to see where I am, I won't be there anymore. (RAW 10 days ago) But I was there, Austin, standing right next to you - maybe just a foot away in Houston, Texas, and I gave you some advice:"

"Like you always say...DTA, Austin - Don't Trust Anybody."

"But you did trust me, Austin...and look what happened."

Clips of the sledgehammer attack and the black glove punches. "Austin...you're search, it's over. It's all - it's all over. Now ya know, ya dumb son of a (beep)."

"Yeah, now ya know....or do you? Do you really know, Austin? All you know is...the feeling. All you know is that feeling of fear...just like you did Monday night:"

(RAW is WAR 3 days ago) Cole: "Stone Cold, you are moments away from your huge tag team matchup tonight, taking on the Radicalz, your teammates Chyna, Billy Gunn and of course the Rock." "Well I know that Stone Cold and the Rock, then all hell's gonna break loose....but I got a funny feeling in my gut...something ain't right...."

Clips of the Rock's attack.

"Austin, the rules have changed. This is a new Game...and it's one you cannot win. This is a Game played with fear...and it's a feelin that you know pretty well. The man that said we have nothing to fear but fear itself....never...met....me."

Hey, look! Stone Cold Steve Austin is WALKING! Well, he's not looking over his shoulders all *that* much....

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!

YIKES! My first Christmas themed commercial! DAMN YOU OSH!

And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, presented by Lugz! From RAW, miscommunication between Raven and Tazz leads to a loss. Then Tazz puts Raven through a table.

TOO COOL (already in the ring) v. TAZZ & RAVEN - 50,790 tickets were sold over the weekend to WrestleMania - only a few thousand remain! And this thing ain't until APRIL! Earlier Today, Raven forgave Tazz for putting him through a table. They shook on it, but Tazz had a warning: "you do your end...I'll do mine." There's a joke about Raven and ends in there, but *I* ain't touching it. When we come back, there may have been a cut to make this match shorter, but we see Tazz and Sexay in there - Tazz is the one doing the punching. Into the ropes, Sexay ducks, slides under, kick caught, enziguiri not. Hotty in - forward roll dropkick (!) gets 2. Tazz puts Hotty in the corner, kicks, and tags. Raven with shoulderdrives. Hotty gets a boot up, though - and fights his way out with elbows for Tazz and punches for Raven. More rights for Raven - but he ducks one, gutshot. Into the opposite corner is reversed, Hotty going for the Bulldog, but Tazz pulls him outside by the ankles before he can come off the ropes. Sexay over on the outside to work on Tazz, who rolls Hotty in, then tells referee "Blind" Tim White that that guy shouldn't be all the way over here. Raven and Hotty on the outside - side Russian legsweep into the barricade. Rolled back into the ring for Tazz (wait - he's not legal?) who covers (oh well) for 2. Overhead forearm by Tazz - into the ropes, clothesline. Stomp. Head to the buckle and tag. Raven puts Hotty in the corner - boot up by Hotty. Raven tries a sleeper - Hotty backs him into the corner, hard. Hotty stumbling for the tag - but Raven locks on the sleeper again. Hotty manages a jawbreaker. Tag to Tazz, HOT TAG to Sexay! Clothesline! Off the ropes with a clothesline! Raven climbing up top and Sexay is over to beal - no, check that, crotch him - and Raven falls all the way to the floor from that (ouch). Tazz with a clothesline on Sexay - Hotty in and putting Tazz through the ropes to the floor. Raven back in - Hotty gets a forearm in the back. Whip into the corner is reversed, Hotty tries for the bulldog AGAIN but eats a fist instead. Sexay gives Raven a superkick into a bulldog that FINALLY lands, and now Hotty's going to get to give him the Worm. Tazz pulls Sexay's ankles and brings a chair in the ring - Hotty and Tazz fight over it, but Tazz gets it...but White pulls it away before he can swing it. Right for Sexay by Tazz. Hotty with a shoulder into Raven, and a hot shot for Tazz...he stumbles backwards into a DDT from Raven! One Hip Hop Drop later, Sexay pins Tazz. (3:22) Raven almost seems happy about his mistake??

Back in the dressing room, Saturn tells the chef to go get them some meatballs. Guerrero says it's time to go beat up Austin. Benoit: "As soon as we get our meatballs and Austin's in the ring....the trap will snap shut." Me: "Hey, Benoit, IS IT POSSIBLE Austin's watching you say that on a monitor?"

Either my eyes deceive me, or this is the first "No Mercy" for the N64 ad I've seen tonight.

Moments Ago, Raven gave Tazz a free DDT

During the Break, Raven gave Tazz some free punches...AND a DDT from the apron to a chair on the floor!

EDDIE GUERRERO is already in the ring when we get back. "Heeeeeey! MISTER Austin! Mister 3:16! Where are you? Come on, esse, I'm waiting for you, vato, what's taking so long? Huh? Do you think I'm scared, esse? Do you think I'm scared of a little Rattlesnake...or is the Rattlesnake afraid of my Latino Heat? I don't know, man - if you keep taking so long, maybe I'll start drinking some of your beer. Of course, it's not as good as Tequila, but...it'll do. I tell you what, Austin, ha, I'll even make it easier for you, okay?" He lays down. "I'll give you the first shot, okay? Come on, I'm waiting! Where are you? Austin? Hello! Come on, Austin - huh? What's going on?"

We look back to the dressing room where the other Radicalz are watching in rapt attention. The catering cart pulls up - but the man in the chef's hat is Steve Austin! "You guys want some meatballs?" Malenko: "Hey I know that voice - UHHH!" Cookie sheet to all the Radicalz! Champagne bottle for Malenko. Punches in bunches for Benoit. We look back to the ring to see Guerrero's expression change. Austin upends the fruit and vegetable trays AND the catering cart, pretty much trashing the place. Going outside, he backs up a forklift against the door. Now, I'd guess there's another door but let's not spoil the story, huh? We look back at Guerrero who is expressing fear. Ha! He's trying to get the crowd to please shhhhh...

EDDIE GUERRERO v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - Austin seems rather...determined. I didn't hear an opening bell but referee "Blind" Jim Korderas did gesticulate wildly. Right left right left right, right, right, head to the buckle, into the ropes, Thesz press, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes with a forearm, another forearm drop, vertical suplex, got him by the mullet, and through the ropes to the outside. Head to the STEEL steps. Right hand, Guerrero tries to fight back with a right, Austin right, Guerrero right, Korderas trying to stop these closed fisticuffs and get it back in the ring, but Austin shoves him across the floor and out of the picture. Guerrero gets a chair in the meantime - WHACK on the left knee - another WHACK. Austin rolled back in the ring...Guerrero wraps the left knee around the post. Another post wrap for the left knee. "Eddie sux!" Austin fires back - right, right, right, Guerrero rakes the face. Rolled back in the ring and Guerrero follows. Right, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp - every stomp on the injured knee. Going for a dropkick to the knee, but Austin steps aside and Guerrero ends up crotching himself by a baseball slide to the post. Austin stomps. Austin outside and HE'S got the legs - crotching him on the post. Guerrero: "OH MY GOD!" Austin up to do it again. Austin rolls back in - is he praying over the body? "Oh no no no." Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Picking him up by the mullet again - birdy - KICK WHAM STUNNER. 1, 2, 3. (3:16 - I DON'T BELIEVE IT BILL) I shit you NOT on that count - somebody is doing some CAREFUL editing and this chronicler will take a moment to appreciate it. Replay of the KWS (please don't go!) - Austin makes the "drinky drinky" hand motion - I think he even got a non-light beer tonight! And by God, he EARNED it!

A limousine arrives...it's the Rock! He's WALKING! Albeit gingerly...you know, his stomach and ribs and insides are all injured...

You're watching UPN!

Moments Ago...Stone Cold Stunner, 1, 2, 3.

Backstage, Guerrero walks by somebody pulling away from the door in the forklift.

Inside we go. "Ahh! Great plan, guys! Real good! Thanks a lot!" Commissioner Foley comes in and lifts a fork. "Hey, forklift!" He announces that Saturn & Malenko have a match with Road Dogg & K-Kwik, and Benoit's going to have a one-on-one matchup with the Rock, per Rock's request, so have a nice day. "No! You just MADE my day. And I'll be more than happy to finish what Rikishi started...and finalise the Rock." Was that the word he was looking for?

Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER - and they are joined by EDGE & CHRISTIAN, who want a closer look at their Survivor Series opponents....

DUDLEY and HARDY BOYZ (with Lita and SmackDown! is brought to you by THQ's "WWF No Mercy," Honda, and Sega!) v. RIGHT TO CENSOR (with Ivory) - RtC are announced at a combined weight of 1089 pounds, which is a very mathematically significant number...look it up. All FIVE members of hit the ring and a Pier Nine breaks out. Goodfather and Matt Hardy stay in the ring as it empties out onto the floor. When Cole brings up their obsession with the Hardyz, Christian busts out "frosty-haired reekazoid" in response. Sidewalk slam gets 2. Head to the buckle, right, right, into the opposite corner, Censor Train is cut off by a spear from D-Von Dudley. Matt hits the second rope legdrop - Ivory breaks up the pin at 2. So *Lita* comes in to take HER down. Matt watches this, and Goodfather hits a surprise death suplex...then turns to Lita. She manages to make it to the outside, and the Dudleyz are in behind her. 3D (Dudley Death Drop) - Jeff with a swantonbomb, then a tope through the ropes onto Venis as Matt covers Goodfather for the pin. I GUESS both men were legal, since nobody ever really stayed in the ring. Hey, I have a riddle for you. When is an eight man NOT an eight man? (1:44) Post-match, Richards is brought into the ring (did he roll his ankle AGAIN?) Bodyslam by Buh Buh Ray Dudley - "wassup." Play their music! D-Von does his dance, and all THREE partners ask him to get the table. Before he can, Edge and Christian strike - it all breaks down AGAIN. Stereo death suplexes on the Hardys by Buchanan and Venis. Richards takes the belts into the ring and they get used - "hey Buh Buh, catch this belt - AWWWWW STEVENKICK." Sure enough, Richards is limping again. Belt shot for each Hardy. Lita is in...Ivory clocks her with HER belt. Richards can't put any weight on his superkickin' foot." Right to Censor celebrate in the middle of the ring...then wave to Edge & Christian on the aisle....do they seem just a touch more...uneasy?

Backstage, Kurt Angle catches up with Kane, and says that although neither of them is too keen on teaming with the other, Angle thinks that Kane's better than Jericho...and Undertaker! Kane says "Good - meet me in the ring," and walks off.

Heeeeeey! It's Chris Jericho! And he's WALKING!

Hoooooo! It's Undertaker! And he's WALKING!

OH MY GOD I MAY HAVE TO BUY A VERY SPECIAL PIKACHU N64 JUST SO I CAN PLAY "HEY YOU PIKACHU"

Jakks Pacific's "WWF Backstage Mayhem" playset ad

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN! Hey, who's that one woman? She reminds me of Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley...whatever happened to her, anyway?

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by 3DO's "Warriors of Might and Magic!" From RAW, Kane performs an emergency defenestration on Jericho

CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO and HEY HEY HEY HEY (on his Beautiful Titan Bike) v. KING KURT ANGLE and WELL IT'S KANE in a "no DQ" match - Jericho has a few spots of tape but very few scars of his attack - ohh, I see, the trainer spent AN HOUR with him on Monday - nice try, Cole. I just DON'T KNOW how the STEEL steps manage to stand on edge and somehow drift away from the Undertaker's lap around the ring. Amazingly, Cole remarks that Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley is conspicuous by her absence. Is this the night of no opening bells? Everybody brawls on the outside of the ring - the brothers pair up, and now Angle and Jericho go inside, where the opening bell DOES sound. (Oh, sorry.) Right by Angle, right, right, kick, stomp, right, into the ropes, reversed, Jericho chop, chop, into the ropes, reversed, spinning heel kick by Jericho. Flying clothesline gets 2. Tag to Undertaker - Angle says it's go time...but backs up to tag Kane. Gutshot by Kane, uppercut, soupbone by Undertaker, right by Kane, soupbone, right, soupbone blocked, right, right, into the ropes, head down, DDT by Undertaker. Elbowdrop - 1, 2, kickout. Into the ropes, reversed, big boot and 'Taker goes outside. Kane follows. Head to the STEEL steps (still standing against the barricade!) - again. Inside the ring, Angle and Jericho are going at it again. Kane moves the steps and tries to whip 'Taker into them - but it's reversed and HE collides with them! Back in as Angle and Jericho go back to their corners. Whip is reversed, powerslam by Kane. Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, and Angle wants the tag now. And gets it. Right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, scooped up...big powerslam. 1, 2, Kane breaks it up - Jericho flies over with a clothesline that takes BOTH of them over the top rope to the floor. And now they brawl on the outside - boot up by Jericho, elbow by Kane. Kane removes the commentary table top, and the monitors...got Jericho in the choke - right by Jericho, right, kick in the nuts, bulldog onto the STEEL steps...Walls of Jericho on the floor! Angle comes over with a BIG clothesline to the back of the head. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, 'Taker is over - soupbone, soupbone, whipped into Jericho - who flapjacks him onto the barricade. Jericho grabbing the bell and trying to use it on Kane, but a big boot stops him. Kane on the STEPS - ahhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAAM through the commentary table! Inside the ring, Angle into the ropes, big boot by the Undertaker. Kane comes back in to stop the powerbomb - turning it into a Thesz press-alike for Angle! Angle rolls outside while Kane decides to get him another piece. Big right hand. Into the ropes, 'Taker ducks it, choke - chokeslam! Angle with a chair to the back at 2. Angle runs at Undertaker...but he puts up the boot, running the chair into Angle's skull. Clothesline puts him down. *Kane* has the chair - WHACK! Angle sees a fallen Reaper and immediately runs over to hook a leg - referee "Blind" Earl Hebner in position - 1, 2, 3!! (5:49) Undertaker is none too pleased that the man doing the celebratingn at the top of the ramp is doing so at his expense. 'Taker's thumb crosses his throat and Angle's expression quickly changes to one of trepidation...

Moments Ago, Jericho took a chokeslam through the commentary table. Also, Kane saved Angle from the Last Ride, and delivered the chairshot that made the pin possible. Then Undertaker got mad. You know, Undertaker probably would have won if he'd still been able to use that tombstone.

LILIAN GARCIA runs up to Stone Cold Steve Austin and tries to get some words about his match with Triple H upcoming at Survivor Series. "You know, Triple H keeps talking about fear. Well, let me ask you a question: how scared do I look?"

ROAD DOGG & K-KWIK GETTIN' ROWDY v. PERRY SATURN & DEAN MALENKO (with Terri) - K-Kwik has a nice no-hands tope. That's the only good thing I'll say about this complete lameness. They do the bump before the double back elbow? That's GAY. And I mean that in the "men loving men" way! Backstage, Chyna (whoa! No makeup not good!) and Billy Gunn attempt to make us care about this new team by sharing their feelings...and hoping that they become ours. "That K-Kwik's pretty good!" "Yeah! Him and the Dogg make a pretty good team!" The irony is that Kwik does gymnastics better than Chyna. Kwik with a twisting flying jalapeno. Terri kicks him in the nuts to turn the tide. God, seeing Road Dogg out there with an orange shirt and "hip" overalls just.....waaaaaaaaa. Saturn busts out a dragon suplex (well, a full nelson into an over-the shoulder uranage) - TOTAL ELIMINATION!! But it only gets 2 because referee "Blind" Jack Doan is out of position. Saturn with a headbutt and a pile o' punches. Tag to Malenko - put into the corner - do si do whip is ducked, Memphis sidekick for Malekno, but Saturn clotheslines him. Dogg comes in to take Saturn out. Now Kwik and Malenko are left reaching - and the HOT TAG is in effect. I think years of playing face in peril have hurt Dogg's ability to be a house on fire, because he seems to have forgotten the moves - right, into the ropes (or, if you're Cole: "big right hand - and there's another one!"), big back body drop. Right for Saturn. Into the ropes is reversed, but Dogg holds on - Malenko ducks, but Dogg hits a death suplex - wiggly wobbly wooaly kneedrop. Gutshot, going for the pumphandle but Saturn is in - forearm for HIM - *Malenko* with a right to the head. Into the ropes, blind tag, Malenko gives him a shot, the turns around to eat the triple left jab from the Dogg - Saturn comes in to try the superkick, but Dogg ducks and Malenko eats it! Dogg puts Saturn outside while Kwik hits a turnaround splash from the top rope - 1, 2, 3! (4:27) Maybe if they lose the crappy rapping...wait, better yet, Kwik could just lose Road Dogg and turn into "New Jack with Talent." Yes, I think THAT'S the way to go. (Then again, this MAY be why I'm writing about television shows and not handling talent.)

Kevin Kelly - WOW! - stands in front of an EXCITING door!

"No Mercy" for the N64 ad #2

During the Break, JONATHAN COACHMAN was on hand to catch Mick Foley and Debra announcing another match for Survivor Series. TIGER ALI SINGH: "I would assume that this new match at Survivor Series involves LO DOWN?" Foley does a semi-classic spit take. No. Chyna & Gunn & Kwik & Dogg v. R4dicalz in an elimination match

KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands in the awesome presence of the Rock!! "Chris Benoit! You come out and you run your mouth - and you say that you're gonna finish the job that Rikishi started. Well the Rock is begging, the Rock is PLEADING, come and finish the Rock - Chris Benoit, PLEASE finish the Rock. You know, Rikishi, ever since you had Chris Benoit lure the Rock out and you hit the Rock in the chest with a sledgehammer, well the Rock hasn't been able to sleep a wink, been spittin' up blood, all he's been able to think about is this Sunday, Survivor Series. Rikishi, you run your mouth about how it's personal - well, you damn right...it's personal. Rikishi, you come out and you run your mouth about a couple of things how the Rock IS gonna walk down the People's Ramp, well you're right, the Rock IS gonna walk down the People's Ramp, IS gonna walk up the People's Stairs, IS gonna walk in the People's Ring! But a couple of things you're misinformed about, Rikishi, is that one thing you damn sure ain't gonna do is beat the Rock down. Nononononono - no. What's gonna happen this Sunday, Rikishi, at Survivor Series, quite simply put, is you are gonna get, literally, the single biggest ass kicking of a lifetime. If ya smell what the Rock ........................................is cookin'.

NEXT! Why are we showing you a picture of Jesse Ventura?

Survivor Series is SUNDAY!

"Backstage Mayhem" ad #2

WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on UPN!

Yes sir, Governor Jesse Ventura will be part of the commentary team on NBC's Saturday Night XFL telecasts. Here's a big long press conference clip to take the place of all the little tiny edits we made earlier tonight.

CHRIS BENOIT (with Warriors of Might and Magic present WWF Survivor Series - this Sunday!) v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL - THESE guys are gonna start out in the aisle - Rock rolling him in, ring the bell, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, hard knockdown by Benoit, stomp, drops the leg, sternum first into the corner, knife-edge chop. Notice Benoit's already working on the chest. Bringing him up - and kicking him in the chest. Kick, kick, block, Rock right, right, right, off the ropes, but Benoit buries a knee in the gut - Rock actually FLIPS! 'kishi must have taught him that. Benoit drops an elbow. Sternum first into the post - Euro elbow puts him down. Stomp on the chest. Stomp. Rock firest back - right, right, right, right, Benoit with a right, clothesline, into the ropes, reversed, Rock takes Benoit over the top to the outside...then holds his booby. Rock goes outside, anyway, and puts Benoit's head into the steps - head to the timekeeper's table. Rock with a chair - but referee "Blind" Earl Hebner takes it away from him. Rock is distracted long enough for Benoit to put a boot right into the chest. Benoit and Hebner have a chat. Right hand. Choking him with an electrical cable - Hebner finally forces him off. Rock slumps across the barricade - Benoit puts a forearm to the back - then drops him chest-first onto the barricade. Rolled back in...elbow from Benoit. Knife-edge chop! Chop! Chop! Rock somehow sucks it up (ha) and reverses positions - right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT - oops, Benoit got the boots up to the chest. HA! 1, 2, shoulder up. Benoit stomps on the back of the neck. Kick to the chest. Elbow, kick, kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, Benoit ducks the clothesline, German suplex, holding on for two - Rock elbows out of the third attempt and busts a Samoan Drop, but both men are down. Hebner's up to 5...no movement. 6, 7, arms start moving - Rock on his stomach - I guess the count's stopped. Both men slooooowly up. "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right, Benoit right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Rock with his belly-to-belly throw, hooks the leg....and gets 2. Benoit slumps in the corner - Rock with a big right. Whip out, no, back to the first corner, gutshot out, DDT! Rock floats over...but only gets 2. Both men slow to get up, once again. But Benoit grabs the arm and locks in the crossface!! Will he give up? No, he's too close to that rope. Benoit stomps on him. Benoit grabbing the arm to do it again...but before he can, Rock grabs *Benoit's* arm and drops down with a crossface of his own!! Benoit quickly grabs a bottom rope and the hold is broken. Rock catches the kick, dragon screw legwhip, Sharpshooter!! Benoit grabs the rope. Benoit with a big clothesline - off the ropes and dropping down with the headbutt. Stomp to the head. Benoit still trying to shake off the headbutt effects... Off the ropes, but caught in a spinebuster! Benoit ain't moving...Rock's gonna go ahead and drop that People's Elbow, no matter HOW much it hurts him. And it looks like, indeed, it hurt him quite a bit. Both men down and Hebner at 5. Both men up simultaneously - Benoit ducks a clothesline and hits a BIG death suplex. BENOIT UP TOP - FLYING HEADBUTT!! Both men down and AGAIN Hebner goes to the count. We look to the crowd to see RIKASHMONEY slowly making his way to the barricade...and over. He's wearing a pair of black gloves, too... Rock goes outside to meet him! Forearm, right, right, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, right, right, right, Benoit from behind. Into the barricade. Back in the ring, German suplex - ANOTHER German suplex - THE THIRD ONE LANDS!! Hebner warning him- why? Who can say. All *I* know is Benoit is NOW trying real hard to obscure his view as Rikishi hits the ring and unleashes quite a pummeling on the affected area. FAT ASS SPLASH! Right hand. Apparently, Hebner DOES see it, but Benoit's keeping him at bay - BAN ZAI DRAWWWWWWWWWP. Benoit raises a finger high to the ceiling - and Rikishi raises his arms as well. Rikishi's music plays as Rock spits up some blood. Hmmm, I wonder how it officially ended. (DQ? call it 12:16) Rikishi lays some verbal smack down, daring him to rise and face him...but he's too hurt. Can he POSSIBLY recover in time for Sunday? Credits are up...I'll tell you then.