And Mariah Carey AND Luis Miguel sent them flowers? Oh, the intrigue!

AWARDS: I hate to say it, but a lot of you are IDIOTS who can't follow SIMPLE instructions.

If you want to send me a ballot, you *MUST* send it to rspw@kzim.com - got it? It's the rec.sport.pro-wrestling awards! Send it to rspw@kzim.com! That's "RSPW," not "chris!" RSPW! RSPW!

If you want to send me a ballot, you need to send it in Plaintext - that means NOT Word, NOT Wordpad, ESPECIALLY NOT HTML. Plaintext! That means TEXT! Like on rec.sport.pro-wrestling. The rec.sport.pro-wrestling awards!

If you want to send me a ballot and include comments, you put them AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BALLOT - NOT in the middle, NOT in parentheses after your votes - I don't care HOW clever you think you are...if your comments aren't where they're supposed to be, **they won't get included**.

The reason I am talking so slowly and loudly to you is that not only is Friday the LAST day you can send a ballot in (TO RSPW@KZIM.COM GOT IT YET) but if you make a mistake, you WON'T have time to get it right.

Thanks to The Rick once again attempting to poison my sample by asking a bunch of WWF rah-rahs to fill out ballots (and don't think I'm not ready to kill him, once again), we are on our way to a new record...I think. 1998 had something around 500 and we should be able to easily top that by the end of tomorrow (Friday). It'll be a stretch to see if I can get everything tallied in two weeks, but I *believe* I'm up to it....we shall see...

All right, I've REALLY stalled WAY too long on this - let's go!

You know, I haven't even gotten around to watching November to Remember yet...there's ANOTHER damn ECW pay-per-view Sunday? Are those guys still in business?

KINGS UPDATE: 10-4, tied with the Suns (10-4) and Lakers (11-5) for first! Tomorrow, they'll take on those Suns. Tuesday, catch the Kings/Spurs game on TBS!

UPN - Thursday ("not any more it isn't...")

TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

Earlier Tonight, Foley told Rikishi, Triple H, Undertaker, Rock AND Stone Cold Steve Austin that they each had a title shot. What's up with that? A gauntlet?

Opening/Close (Credits/Captioned)

PYRO! UPN's put a WWF logo in their "This is the show you are watching" graphic! Coming to you from the sold out Target Center in Minneapolis, MN 30.11.2K (taped 28.11) and broadcast on the United Paramount Network...THIS is WWF SmackDown! Also, THIS is transmitido en espanol SAP!

Back in the commissioner's office, Mick plays with himself....Connect Four, I mean. Kurt Angle shows up to ask how there can be five #1 contenders? Mick says he'll find out soon enough...

HARDY BOYZ & LITA (with Let Us Take You Back to Monday) v. PERRY SATURN & EDDIE GUERRERO & DEAN MALENKO (with Nipples) - The Radicalz did quite a punking on Lita and the Hardyz on Monday, yes they did, yes they did. The Hardyz decide to meet Saturn and Guerrero on the outside, while inside Malenko attempts to cool out Lita - she goes for a slap but he catches her arm and keeps it - another slap, another underhook. Saturn hits the ring and throws Lita to the ground - this umbrages Malenko a bit, and they look at each other long enough to fall to a double clothesline from Matt Hardy. We're back to one on one as Lita tags Jeff. Right, right, into the corner with Malenko, boots up, big right. Scoop and a slam, tag to Guerrero, trademark senton from the outside in off a silngshot by Malenko. "Eddie sux!" Tonight, the Rock and Undertaker take on Kurt Angle, Edge & Christian! Eddie all over Jeff in the corner, to the opposite corner, pose, but he gets dumped over Hardy's head on the charge. Flying head scissors, allegedly, as Guerrero does a heroic selljob as Hardy fails to get off the ground. Tag to Matt, double leg by Jeff, tandem legdrop gets 2 - Malenko breaks it up. Right for Malenko by Matt - right for Saturn as HE comes in. NOW Lita wants to give Malenko a hug...or a hot shot, depending on how much of a sucker he is. Two Hardyz, one double wheelbarrow suplex. Up for a double suplex, but waiting for Lita to come off the top turnbuckle with a crossbody. Saturn in, Matt right, right, right, right, right, right, right, Terri grabs his hair...Matt's ready to deck HER one, but Saturn gets in the clip before he can do it. Castrol Double Feature of the tripleteam on Guerrero earlier. Saturn sits on Matt's knee after draping his leg on the bottom rope. Manhandled to the corner, right, right, right, sat on top - climbing up - TOP ROPE SUPERPLEX but Matt shifts his weight and lands the crossbody block instead! Tag to Malenko - HOT TAG to Jeff! Duck, dropkick, right, right, right, into the ropes, big back body drop. Guerrero in with rights...but Hardy fights back! Gutshot, kick, kick, holding a knucklelock and running to the corner...stairstepping in the corner ... leaping off with an Essa Rios armdrag...only Guerrero forgot to move. (Oops) These two seem to be having communication problems. Malenko back over, right, right, forearm, head to the turnbuckle, to the opposite corner, but Jeff hops up top and hits The Move With The Gay Name. Who's legal? Jeff clocks Saturn, taking him to the floor. Tag to Lita...top rope pendulum headscissors on Malenko! Jeff with a right for Saturn - into the corner, dropping down for Poetry in Motion from Lita - Saturn catches her, so she turns it into a Frankensteiner instead. Matt, on one leg, manages a Twist of Fate on Malenko. Jeff with a barricade run...Saturn catches him...but Matt flies through the ropes with a tope that takes out the pile! Lita with a moonsault on Malenko...but referee "Blind" Jack Doan is tied up with Terri! Guerrero with a frog splash on Lita and putting Malenko's arm on top. 1, 2, 3. (5:05) Hey, you know what? They were both legal, too. YOU GOTTA LOVE IT. Malenko expresses some grave concern as Saturn and Guerrero help him out of the ring. Your replay shows the moonsault and frog splash. One more look at Malenko giving us "concern."

Back to Foley...he's ready to start WALKING! Come back to find out the solution to this conundrum!

WWF SmackDown! 2 ad - I *still* haven't tried out my copy of No Mercy...I should just mail it to The Cubs Fan and wish him a Merry Christmas. OR...maybe I should flush the sixty bucks down the toilet instead!

The WWF Rewind is brought to you by THQ's SmackDown! 2 - you might hear something about it tonight. Back on RAW, the Rock put Rikishi in the Sharpshooter...so Angle hit the ring....to get the Rock the DQ win....er....umm....does this have something to do with the lack of a single #1 Contender?

As COMMISSIONER McFOLEY walks to the ring, Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Undertaker and Kane were prevented a decisive finish thanks to Edge, Christian and Kurt Angle. Later on RAW, Austin hit that Stunner...but Triple H made his (ha) miraculous return just in time to cost him the title. "Now, after Monday night, my eyes are just a little bit wider opened to a couple things I should have seen clearer to begin with. Number one, I found out that our WWF Champion is a conniving, doubletalking, sinvelling liar. Number two...even though our WWF Champion is a conniving, doubletalking, snivelling liar.....he is right about the WWF. Now, let's face it - this year we HAVE seen a man drop forty feet in an automobile off a forklift...we have seen a multilayered hit and run automobile accident....and we've even seen our WWF Champion, Kurt Angle, chokeslammed off of a stage. Okay, maybe that one WAS pretty cool - but the fact is on Monday night we had ourselves a #1 Contender's match that ended on a disqualification. A disqualification! Now I said to myself, maybe I could book another #1 Contender's rematch....but then I thought, no, you see, that rematch will just end up in a screwjob, and the rematch of the rematch will just end up in a screwjob, so I said screw the screwjob, I'm gonna make us *five* #1 Contenders! The first of which is known as the People's Champ...he is THE ROCK!" And here he comes. Oh man, we're gonna have five entrances here, aren't we. Well, it'll be easy to transcribe. "Now, Rock, Rock...I saw Monday night how the #1 Contender's match ended up in a run-in - hell, I saw how three people ran in and cost you the WWF title to begin with at No Mercy!" Rock swipes the mic and lets the fans chant his name. "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Minneapolis! You see, Mick Foley, let the Rock get something straight with you. When the Rock woke up this morning, he was the #1 Contender...which means when the Rock goes to sleep tonight, he's the #1 Contender - you see, now the Rock has realised that you've named four other guys the #1 Contender, but you see, Mick, it doesn't matter to the Rock - whether it's four other guys, three French hens, two turtle doves, or one big fat monkey nipple sittin' in a pear tree!" Huh? Rock removes his shades for emphasis. Crowd chants "Rock E." "The only thing that matters is that the Rock has his title shot at Armageddon." "Rock, you are more than qualified to be the #1 Contender, but you see, there's more than one person in this equation, including a man who was screwed out of the WWF title when Kurt Angle dressed up his little lookalike brother to cause a distraction, and that man is THE UNDERTAKER." It was his bigger brother, but I don't think Mick was using the word "little" that way. Anyway, no bike for the Dead Man as we get our third of a probable six entrances. 'Taker swipes the mic. "Now, Foley...I have no idea what it is you're talkin' about. But if it involves me getting a shot at Angle...[shades removed for effect - he saw Rock do that]...now I'm all about that." "Well, that's good because I think you're gonna like what I have in mind but you see, the two of you were robbed of your title chances, but one of our other #1 Contenders was nearly robbed of his career, and that man is the Texas Rattlesnake STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN." Austin gives a nice stare to Undertaker. "Now, Steve...we've brought--" "If you want Mick Foley to bottom line this whole thing, gimme a hell ya!" Crowd: "Nah, take all night, we don't care." "Fine - RIKISHI - get out here!" Rikishi stays at the top of the ramp, and gets to pointing. "TRIPLE H - get out here!" And now we've finally got that last entrance - H has his own mic. He appears to have stayed nice and dry tonight. "This had better be real good, Foley." "Oh, Triple H, it is real...REAL good, you see, I look around at what's been going on - it seems like all you guys have had your lives intertwined for a very long time, I mean it's Triple H paying Rikishi to run over Stone Cold - it's Kurt Angle screwin' the Undertaker, Kurt Angle screwin' the Rock, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, and I'm getting a little bit sick of it!" Kurt Angle screws...whaa?? "You see, I needed a way to solve the WWF Championship puzzle - a way where there would be no interference, no run-ins, a way to guarantee this whole damn thing would come to an end, guaranteed! Now all of you have agreed that there is to be no physical altercations taking place tonight unless it is In This Very Ring in a match that I make! But it will come to an end in Armageddon because six men will fight for the WWF Championship...in a Hell in the Cell match!" Reaction shots from all five men. Cole busts out "OH MY GOD" "Take it from me, because I know, it's the must brutal match, but the most awesome match ever conceived in the WWF and that is FINAL!" Hey, why not one *more* entrance - KING KURT ANGLE is out with a stunned look - and a mic. "Mick Foley...you have FINALLY lost your mind. A Hell in the Cell? What is wrong with you? I've done nothing but defend this title with respect, honour and class - I am not a cheater! I am NOT the Minnesota Timberwolves of the WWF! This match is completel...barbaric! It's true!" "Yeah it is true, it is true, you're really on a roll. It is barbaric, Kurt Angle, no doubt about it, and it is brutal, but you, and in some ways all of these men have left me no other alternative. Make no mistake about it - at Armageddon, there will be Hell taking place inside that Cell until there is ONE WWF Champion, and one more time - one more time - if anybody gets physically involved here tonight, then that person loses their title shot, and Kurt Angle, if it's you who decides to act a little bit funny here tonight, then I will STRIP you of the WWF title....and I will strip you right here in Minneapolis, Minnesota!" Triple H: "Wow...sucks to be you, doesn't it. You know, Foley, it's a little bit ironic that you stand in that ring as the commissioner, making a Hell in the Cell match when...geez, wasn't it a Hell in the Cell match that was the reason that you are now the commissioner? I mean, let me refresh your memory...it was a Hell in the Cell match where I beat you half to death and retired your (beep)! So, Foley, all your little stipulations to your match are just fine with me...but before I go...let me introduce everybody to a very special person to me - I'd like to bring out here...my beautiful wife, STEPHANIE McMAHON-HELMSLEY." I think this is setting a record for most entrances in a segment. I missed Angle's reaction here - oh, there it is. "Slut!" says the crowd. "You see, Mick, you're not gonna have to worry about me like you usually do, coming to that ring and kicking everybody's (beep) in there, because today is a special day. Today, my beautiful wife and I celebrate our one-year wedding anniversary. And it will be one hell of a celebration - and hell, all of you guys are invited, and that goes double for you, Austin because I realise that last year during the wedding, you were out...in traction with a broken neck and all that, so...hey, you're more than welcome!" Stephanie: "And they said that we would NEVER last!" WOW! ON THE LIPS FOR REAL!! I'm trying to remember - did anybody on tOA have it this long in the pool?

Now that I think about it... Golly, I'm starting to think they're NOT gonna tell us how Triple H survived that fall!

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN! (Notice the old texty "WWF")

Wow, it sure looks COOOOOOOLD outside the Target Center. Are they playing "Sweet Home Alabama?" Castrol Motor Oily presents WWF Armageddon Sunday 10 December! Oh, I see, Armageddon is at the BJCC in...Alabama.

Stephanie tells Hunter how amazing he is for providing all the roses. Harvey Wippleman stands nearby...Hunter tells him he's expecting a very special surprise guest. He asks him to stand outside the door and inform him of any... "surprises." Then he puts Stephanie into a dip...

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: MOM II v. WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER (with Steven Richards & Ivory) - The RTC interrupt the rap (yay!), so Dogg and Kwik decide to punk THEM out as soon as they enter the ring. Buchanan tossed, so referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts Dogg in the corner to leave this one on one. Do they randomly decide which two corners to use? I only ask because they picked the two corners NOT used in the opening match. Kwik's head meets the corner, right, right, kick, into the adjacent corner - Kwik ducks, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, Kwik up and over, Goodfather hits the buckle - missile dropkick by Kwik for 1. Off the ropes, tripped up by Richards - Long actually sees it? Yep - he's outside...and tossing Richards! Unfortunately, he's failing to notice the nasty doubleteam taking place in the ring on K-Kwik. And now, just to confuse me, Dogg and Goodfather decide to switch neutral corners. Whip into the corner, but Kwik steps aside and it's Goodfather going sternum-first into the turnbuckle. Tag to Dogg, left, left, left, juke, jive, right for Goodfather, right for Buchanan, wiggly wobbly woogbly kneedrop on Buchanan but Goodfather breaks it up at 2. Buchanan with the "will-he-won't-he" springboard clothesline. Right, in the corner, right, right, into the opposite corner, boot up by Dogg, double clothesline as he comes out. Both men are down and who will make the tag - I'm thinking both...nope, just the HOT TAG to K-Kwik. Right, right, right, juke, break, right, right for Goodfather on the outside, into the ropes is reversed, clothesline ducked, flying jalapeno by K-Kwik, 1, 2, Goodfather breaks it up, Dogg in, Pier Four - clotheslined out by Dogg. Buchanan going for the Razor's Edge, but Dogg pulls Kwik down - gutshot, pumphandle slam as Ivory gets up on the apron. Long patiently telling Dogg he DOES know who's legal and it ain't him. Dogg over to bring Ivory in the hard way....and now over to tussle with Goodfather, who's out on the floor. Kwik up top - firebird splash on Buchanan - 1, 2, Ivory clocks him with the Women's championship! Somehow, Long completely missed it...or did he? Anyway, Buchanan's got an arm on him - 1, 2, 3. (3:39)

Angle meets the commissioner - he doesn't exactly know why Foley is famous for Hell in the Cell matches as every one he's been in, he's been physically decimated and he's lost....Angle suggests the five contenders in a Hell in the Cell match, with the winner to meet him in a "nice, clean title match." Foley says given the pain, agony and misery of Hell in the Cell AND Angle's complaining, whining, backstabbing and lying, he decided to multiply it by six. "Have a nice day, Kurt!" "But Mick, I--" "HAVE a nice day."

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!

Ch-ch-ch-Chia! La la la LA la!

Chris Jericho eats ravioli

The anniversary celebration continues with soft music, candlelight...and a present. Before we see what it is, the door opens - Triple H is a little jumpy, spilling his beverages...but it's only Wippleman with the champagne. Triple H reminds him that his sole purpose is to warn him of any...surprises.

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: WILLIAM REGAL v. ? - "I love being your goodwill ambassador! But the competition for my European title has become like most parts of this city...very dreary and highly unimpressive! And so, tonight, I issue a challenge to any of the chaps in the back to come forth and give me some exciting competition!" The challenge is met by... "Turn it up!" SCOTTY 2 HOTTY dances his way to ringside. Here we go. Lockup, side headlock by Regal, powered out, shoulderblock by Regal. Off the ropes, up and over, leapfrog by Hotty, hiplock onto his lid. To the ropes, Regal shoves him off but Hotty follows through with the backwards roll - then breakdances. Grand Master Sexay watches the Magic Window backstage. Duck, right, right, right, into the ropes, dropkick misses, Regal with a WOW CATAPULT and Hotty goes through the ropes to the outside. Regal follows, Hotty hits the ringpost. Hotty against the corner of the apron. Big forearm to the chest. Regal back in - forearm, Scott fires back, they trade blows, now it's all Hotty, winding up for a BIG right. Into the corner is reversed, but Hotty gets a boot up...bulldog...."I'm gonna do the Worm" face... W O R M Worm Worm Worm HOO HOO HOO HIIIII-YA! 1, 2, foot on the rope! Hotty tries a schoolboy and *again* gets 2. Into the ropes is reversed, big Euro elbow (left) by Regal - neckbreaker - 1, 2, 3! (2:07) Regal smiles and waves. Hello!

Back to the celebration - Stephanie gushes over her platinum tennis bracelet. There's a knock at the door - it's Harvey Wippleman. "There's a guy outside the door - he's really ticked off and angry and wantin' to come in here! I don't know what to do!" H grabs a glass and tells him to let him in...but he lets up when he sees it's only Chris Benoit. Benoit offers his services as an anniversary present. "I'm will to kick Austin's (beep) any time you're ready." He tells him he knows he can do it, but tonight he better worry about Jericho and Billy Gunn... "If I know Austin, we won't have to go to him...he'll come to us..."

Meanwhile, Austin's watching a monitor...is that a grin?

XFL ad

Your commentators are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. This Sunday on Heat, the guest host is the Rock and the musical guest will be....ohhhh

WELL IT'S KANE and CHRIS BENOIT (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. THA 1 BILLY GUNN and CHRIS THURSDDAY JERICHO - Notice who gets first and second entrances...for BOTH teams. Jericho also has a mic. "Wow - what a great tag team unit we have here - on one side, a big red machine, on the other side a gap-toothed robot. I mean, the two of you standing in the ring together look like R2-D2 and C-3PO! But the only difference is that C-3PO had the qualities of an android and Kane has the qualities of a hemorrhoid - you know, irritating, red and an overall giant pain in the (beep)!" Too bad his partner still isn't Mr. (Beep) or we could ask HIM about it, right? They rush the ring and here's a quick four-way until Benoit rolls outside off a Gunn right, leaving referee "Blind" Tim White to put Gunn in the corner (they pick the same two corners as earlier) while Jericho repeatedly goes down to Kane's right hand. Head to the buckle, right, right, right, short clothesline. Blatant choke. Into the opposite corner sternum-first - Jericho backs into a death suplex attempt, but backflips out of it...dropkick puts Kane on the turnbuckle, bulldog out - mounting him and throwing rights - head to the unfriendly buckle and a tag to the current Interchrisinental champoion - right, right, right, right, right, right, right, mouthing off to White...choke by Kane, put him in the corner, big right, forearm, tag to Benoit, forearm, kick by Benoit, kick, kick, kick, elbow, kick, elbow, into the opposite corner is reversed, Benoit staggers into a big press...and drop. Gunn with a stomp, into the ropes, knee in the gut, tag to Jericho. Clothesline, shot for Kane, chop for Benoit, chop, into the ropes, reversed, low bridge by Kane to take Jericho outside. Benoit punks out Gunn, ensuring that White will work hard to keep HIM from coming in while Kane drops Jericho on the announce table...and into the STEEL steps. Rolled back in for Benoit - cover - 1, 2, kickout. "Y2J" chant. Right hand by Benoit...into the opposite corner is reversed, elbow up by Benoit, running...into a spinning heel kick and both men are down. HOT TAG to Gunn! Clothesline, clothesline, into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl slam, 2. Into the ropes, Benoit holds on, gutshot by Gunn, cobra clutch slam, 1, 2, Kane saves him. Jericho with a missile dropkick for Kane...then clotheslining Kane AND himself outside! Kane up first, right for Jericho, on the apron, grabbing Gunn in a choke...but Jericho is back up and pulling Kane back down to the floor...Gunn moves back and drops RIGHT into the Crippler crossface! He decides to tap. (4:02) Benoit just got a submission from the intercontinental champion....and that'll put a smile on ANYBODY'S face. Kane and Jericho brawl alongside the aisle, to the back...

Stephanie enjoys the bubbly...but Kurt Angle barges in. Wippleman: "I tried to stop him, Stephanie, but he insisted on comin' in." "Hi, Kurt." "How are ya?" "Good. How are you?" "Good, good. Where's Triple H?" "He's in the bathroom." "Umm, you know, I didn't mean what I said last Monday night on RAW about not having you in my corner - I was just kidding." "I know you were kidding - don't worry about it." Angle tells her he could really use her in his corner at Armageddon. Stephanie tells him he's been doing just fine on his own...and right now she's got to take care of her husband. "I understand." They hug...Angle enjoying it a little TOO much...but making a break when he hears the toilet flush. Here comes H. "What the hell is this?" "Kurt was JUST saying goodbye." He shakes her hand. "I just wanted to wish you a happy anniversary." And off he goes. H gives his wife a look. "Happy Anniversary, huh?"

Next week, UPN digs up all their old WWF Superstar cameos! Tuesday, Chyna stars in "Alien Fury!" Wednesday, it's the Rock on "Star Trek: Voyager." And on Thursday, all your favourites star on WWF SmackDown!

Santa wears Lugz?!?

Jakks Pacific "WWF Backstage Mayhem" ad

And now, the Lugz Peace & Joy! From RAW, Steve Blackman demolishes Tiger Ali-Singh...then wears his turban!

In the Commissioner's office, Tiger Ali Singh and Lo Down talk it over. Lo Down are *also* wearing turbans now. "Man, we gotta do something about this damn Steve Blackman!" "You're right, he needs to PAY for what he did to you Monday night!" "He totally disrespected our heritage...and he desecrated my turban! I want him suspended." "Where the hell's Commissioner Foley at?" "I don't know...maybe she can help us out." The camera pans over to find a pair of legs - NOOO TOO CLOSE - then pans up to find Debra. "Hey you guys - can I help you with something?" "I doubt it very seriously.... Steve Blackman desecrated my turban. That's why I want Commissioner Foley to handle the situation properly, so...why don't be an obedient little woman that you are and go fetch Foley...now? Thank you." Debra says she can help them out. She'll give the three of them a match with Steve Blackman...and the Dudley Boyz....in a table match.

TAZZZZZ stands with Crash & Molly Holly, who promote their match with Val Venis & Ivory Sunday on Heat. Basically, he says they're goofy and they puff up and accuse him of not being very nice. Tazz: "I guess their life is just one big box of chocolates - hahahahahaha!"

Another look at our hosts, who hype Heat one more time.

Let Us Take You Back to the War Zone, where Austin delivered the KWS (Please Don't Go), only to have Triple H rise from the dead and take him out.

JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Austin. He proclaims H's recovery a "miracle," and declares him harder to kill than a Tejas cockroach. However, he's grateful for another chance to beat on his carcass. "...if you ain't in the World Wrestling Federation to be the champion, you got no business bein' here at all!" Him and five others in the cell with the title on the line... "In my opinion, Hell ain't a bad place to be!" As for Triple H's dare to come get physically involved in his anniversary celebration...nobody's gonna tell him what to do or when to do it. Then he makes Coachman say "yes, sir."

The Helmsleys watch this on the monitor. "There's our surprise guest...he'll be here soon...let's have dinner."

Okay, I got it...Helmsley wants Austin to lose his title shot. Gotcha. Sure, it takes me an hour but I EVENTUALLY Get It

Hmm, do I spy some new splices in that WWF SmackDown! UPN bumper?

La la la LA la!

TIGER ALI-SINGH & LO DOWN v. LET ME GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU ON THAT

That was a quick dinner! Stephanie tells Helmsley she has no idea how he'll top this next year... Trish Stratus shows up. "What the HELL are you doing here?" "Stephanie. I'm simply here to wish you and Triple H a happy anniversary." "Well, now that you've done it, you can leave." Test enters the picture, having managed to just get by Harvey Wippleman. "Trish, aren't YOU sweet wishing the couple a happy anniversary. You know Steph, it's hard to believe it's been a year since you did me the biggest favour of my life by not marrying me and becoming his puppet." "Andrew, please...don't be jealous. We're celebrating the anniversary of the best year of my life - I did MYSELF a favour!" Trish: "I'd be celebrating, too." H grins like a Cheshire cat. Test: "WHAT? I'll give you something to celebrate...come on." Stephanie backhands H's bicep. "What?"

TIGER ALI-SINGH & LO DOWN v. STEVE BLACKMAN and THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ in a table match - D'Lo Brown looks like the damn Sultan with that turban wrapped around his face. Ali-Singh stays outside the ring while Lo Down keep their turbans on. Blackman starts with Brown - kick by Brown, right, right by Blackman, back and forth we go, into the ropes by Brown, the end of the turban is ending up around his eyes (oops), Blackman ducks, back elbow by Brown. Tag to Ali-Singh as the crowd chants "table." Blackman recovers - kick, kick, kick, kick to the back of the leg, tripping him - thrust kick puts him down. Quick tag to Chaz, armdrag takeover...tag to D-Von. Right, scoop slam, elbowdrop off the ropes, cover...referee "Blind" Jim Korderas reminds him it's a table match and he ain't countin'. Tag to Buh Buh Ray. Open handed slap. Right, right, right, left, right, right, right right right, tomahawk chop, scoop and a slam (did I count all the rights? OH NO! What if I missed one?) On the top turnbuckle, but Brown is over...distracting him just enough for Chaz hit him in the groin, then beal him across the ring. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, tag to Brown, into the ropes, double press...and drop. Arm wringer by Brown, right, into the ropes, Dudley ducks, double clothesline puts both men down. Singh points to Chaz as Brown comes over. Meanwhile, Steve Blackman gets the HOT TAG! Standing side kick - into the ropes, missile shoulderblock, belly-to-belly for Brown. Tiger comes in - Blackman stands at the ready. "COME ON!" Tiger decides to play the coward...distracting him until Lo Down can attack from behind. The Dudleyz come in and it's all breaking down now. Lo Down tossed, and it's left with Tiger and Buh Buh Ray in the ring. Right, right, right, into the ropes, but Dudley reverses, knee in the gut, scoop and a slam, "wassup," Testify dance, D-Von, get the table, BIG BIG "table" chant, they go outside for Chaz, but Blackman has Brown in the ring. Singh up on the apron - Blackman over and Singh drops off...Blackman moves back to Brown...but falls in a Sky-Hi through the table! (3:54) Huge upset for the men with the Iron Shiek's music.

Back to the happy couple...Stephanie has a gift her Triple H! But before he can open it, Wippleman announces one of H's opponents is at the door. But...it's only Rikishi, who tells him that come Armageddon it's every man for himself. H says he respects that, but first they'll take out the other four...then it'll be him and him. Rikishi has line of the night when he says "Riiiiiiiiiiight" all smooth-like.

When we come back, Stone Cold Steve Austin is WALKING! away from us

LILIAN GARCIA stands with Kurt Angle, Edge & Christian. Edge calls Foley a "total toolshed," jealous that "Angle's the champion, and he's a retired nobody." Christian reminds us that Angle beat the Rock at No Mercy, and beat the Undertaker at Survivor Series. "You're a beat-er, not a beat-ee!" Tonight, they're gonna totally take out two of his Hell in the Cell opponents. "Maximum outage!"

Meanwhile, Hardcore Holly finds his locker full of stuff that isn't his - as he gets to tossing, Raven shows up and asks what the hell's he doin'. "What the hell's it look like I'm doin'? I'm movin' your crap outta my spot - and if you try to stop me, you greasy-haired little freak, I'll beat those stupid tattoos off your body!" "Oh really?" "Listen up, Crow Boy - you might have a history of being hardcore, but Hardcore just happens to be my name! So why don't you later on tonight meet me in that ring right there and we'll just see how well you like me - HA!" "That's fine by me."

Back to the party, where Triple H brandishes...something in lace. "Wow - this is great! But I don't think it's gonna fit me." TRIPLE H LIKES WEARING WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR! "Not for you--" Wippleman barges in and H quickly stashes the lingerie. "Hey, don't you knock?" "No - listen, the special important anniversary cake you ordered - it's here, it's on the way." "Anniversary cake? I didn't order a... (grabbing champagne bottle) the special cake is here, huh? Why don't you go outside and bring that special cake in here..."

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When we come back, H stands at the ready with his bottle. There's a knock at the door...no, it's just Harvey again. "The guy with the cake is here." "Bring him in..." Backing in is.....umm, some bald guy who isn't Austin - although he IS wearing an Austin camo cap (which MOST people would think would clash with a tux). Anyway, it's the top of their wedding cake - Stephanie had it flown in special!

Our commentators wonder just when Austin's gonna bust in already.

Golly! Foley already had a swank graphic made up for the WWF Championship match at Armageddon! (I guess)

KOOL MOE DEE v. RAVEN in a hardcore match - Holly doesn't even make if off the stage before Raven emerges from behind the OvalTron, punking him out with a mic. And now talking into it! "Holly - no one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned, and I'll be the bird of prey that feets on your rotting carcass. DAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The sound you hear is Raven reacting to Holly's uppernut. Lawler: "So much for Raven's raisins!" Holly right, right, right, right, neat visual of them fighting in front of the OvalTron. Raven goes downstairs and climbs into a shopping cart - Holly shoves him into a wall. Backstage they go - behind the curtain and into a janitor's closet, where Holly dunks him in a sink. "How ya like me now?" Funaki and Essa Rios are watching on with great amusement. Right by Holly. Raven tries to get some of Rios, but no. Into the bathroom where some guy is pretending to take a whiz. Double garbage can lid cymbal clap. Holly takes a lid to the other guy while he's there. Back outside the bathroom staggers Raven - Holly following - running him across a table into a coffee decanter. The Mean Street Posse is watching on at the end of THIS hall - Rodney holding Raven for him, but Holly's punch finds HIM instead. Pete "Gas" takes offense - Holly pops HIM one. Just Joe gets a right. Raven's finally got a shot in. Down a flight of stairs...and outside! Holly into a barricade - and into a garage door - and again - and one more time - another door shot. Raven with a stick - to the ribs - broken over his back. "What about me? What about Raven?" Into an SUV, which is apparently the King's rental. Raven with an extension cord from the car, choking him with it - across the street they go...Holly stopping him halfway across - right, Raven right, Holly right, Raven knee, forearm, run into a sign. Into an SUV stopped at the light. Holly whips him intto a bus stop. Holly rips a (planted) STOP sign off the pole ("How do you know it was planted?" "Umm, it was FACING THE WRONG WAY?") WHACK - and that'll do it. A very patient referee "Blind" Chad Patton makes the count - 1, 2, 3. (3:56) Rodney, Pete and Joe are aghast. "How ya like me now?"

Kurt Angle, Edge and Christian are WALKING!

Meanwhile, the Undertaker is WALKING! He pounds on the Rock's door. "Hey Rock - let's roll!"

The Rock guest stars on Voyager next Wednesday. It's a rerun from last season, you know. Anyway, look for the Vince McMahon-like character if you watch.

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"One great year down - many more to go." Another big toast. Wippleman barges in. "Hey, you know what? You know what? Now I know who you mean by a special guest, I know who you mean and you know what? Guess what? He's here! He's on his way - he'll be right here any minute now!" H calms him down and tells him to stand outside and let him know when he gets here. "To our special guest..." (clink)

KING KURT ANGLE & EDGE & CHRISTIAN (with SmackDown! is brought to you by THQ's SmackDown! 2: Know Your Role, Slim Jim, and SEGA!) v. HEY HEY HEY HEY (on his Beautiful Titan Bike) and IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLL - How come when they mention the Undertaker's brutal history of Hell in the Cell matches, they ALWAYS mention Shawn Michaels and Mankind but they NEVER mention the Big Boss Man? I mean, COME ON. Undertaker will start with Christian. Boot to the gut by 'Taker, head to the buckle, back elbow, soupbone, pointing at referee "Blind" Earl Hebner, to the opposite corner, up on the shoulder, boot for Edge as he comes in, then finishes the powerslam. Off the ropes with the elbowdrop...for 2. Arm wringer, "old school," tightrope walk, forearm across the back. If he's gonna say "old school" every time he does that now, shouldn't it be even EASIER to scout and shouldn't they just pull the man off the top rope? Arm wringer, tag to the Rock, right, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow. Right, into the ropes is reversed, clothesline ducked, but Christian hits the spinning heel kick. Tag to Angle. "Ang Gull Sux!" Right, right, stomp, mouthin' to 'Taker, right, into the ropes, reversed, belly-to-belly throw, cover....2. Rock staying on him...arm wringer, elbow to the elbow, 'Taker wants a tag and gets it...Angle quickly wrenches his arm away from the Rock and flies out the ring, tagging Edge on his way. Edge gives a look to Angle, then gives it the old college try, but only succeeds in making his contribution to 'Takers "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmysoupbone." Head to the buckle, into the opposite corner, follow lariat, back to the first corner, and another lariat. Got him in the choke...Christian in to save but HE ends up in a choke...Undertaker ends up turning his back to the corner, though, so Angle *is* able to come in and grab Undertaker - WOW! GERMAN SUPLEX! Undertaker rolls outside. As the Castrol Double Feature shows off the suplex again AND as Hebner tries to get one of Edge and Christian back in their corner, Angle puts Undertaker's head into the top of the announce desk. To the barricade, right, right, right, rolled back in for Edge. Edge with a forearm to the back...tag to Angle, right, kick, kick, right. 'Taker ends up in the wrong corner...Edge holds him for an open shot, right, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, Undertaker shoves him and heads for another corner. Angle back on him...right, no sell, right, no sell, soupbone misses, Angle ducks under and hits a death suplex...for 2. Angle shows some fear from the authority of the kickout, so he goes back to Edge. Right hand, right, right, right, tag to Christian, into the ropes, double back elbow, Christian covers...but Undertaker kicks out with just as much authority at 2. Christian back on him, forearm, right, right, right, kick, blatant choke. Hebner forces him off. Christian walks back...into a precarious situation. Put into the corner, soupbone, left, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, Edge over to pull 'Taker's hair...'Taker gives HIM an elbow and he falls to the floor. That was enough for Christian, though, as he kicks him back to the corner, right, climbing up for a Ten Punch Count Along...but after three punches, 'Taker gets underneath him and lifts him high, walks to the center...and lets him drop. Yow! Both men are down and both men need to make a tag. "Rock E!" That "ZED IS NOT HERE" sign probably has nothing to do with me, but I'll mention it anyway, just in case. Tag to Edge...who runs across the ring to knock Rock off the apron. 'Taker into the ropes...but he hits a DDT and now THEY'RE both down. Rock is back up and he's ancy. Tag to Christian...HOT TAG to Rock! Block, right, right, right, into the ropes, duck, gutshot, DDT, Edge gets a spinebuster, Angle gets a right hand. Poised for Rock Bottom...Christian slowly gets to his feet and turns around...ROCK BOTTOM! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, Angle breaks it up! 'Taker in...Angle runs out of the ring. But Undertaker follows, and he's got him in a choke! Unfortunately, before he can do anything, Edge WHACKS him with a chair. Hebner senses something's up and comes outside...leaving the ring free for Angle to sneak in with an Olympic Slam! Christian is put on top, and Angle goes outside to roust Hebner...and then the satellite transmission cuts out briefly as KBHK suddenly switches to Eastern time - when we come back, Rock is kicking out at 2! Looks like it took Hebner a long time to get back in there. Everybody back in their corners and Christian and Rock are down. Crowd chants "Rock E" - who will make the tag? Tag to Angle...HOT TAG TO UNDERTAKER! Angle begs off, and gets a soupbone. Soupbone! Into the ropes, duck, choke...CHOKESLAM! Signalling for the Power to the People...Angle in position...WEDGIEBOMB! 1, 2, 3! (8:18) The Undertaker just pinned the champ! Will he do the same in ten days? (My bet is...well, no.)

Triple H stands outside the door wielding the champagne bottle. He tells Stephanie this might get gruesome, so perhaps she should blow out the candles and hide in the bathroom while he turns out the lights. (Does this mean someone's in the bathroom?) "Come on, Austin." The door opens...and we hear lots stuff BREAKIN'.

Outside, Harvey Wippleman winces....then reacts with surprise to the meaty hand on his shoulder - the one wearing a skull ring. Austin listens in...and breaks into a big smile - and laughs! Slowly, he reaches for the doorknob.

"Let's turn a little light on the subject..." Austin steps into the room. "Happy Anniversary, jackass!" And with a big smile, Austin disappears.... "Austin?" Helmsley looks down to see who he's been a-pummelin'...and so does the camera...

It's Vince McMahon.