/28 December 2000
KINGS UPDATE: Best in the league at 20-7! Can you say "Best in the league?" WHY THE HELL NOT?
THANKS TO: Dave Mitchell!
THANKS TO: Grinner!
YEAR'S END: I'll get back to ALL of you on Friday. I promise! I've been sick this week, the plumbing in my apartment backed up, I had to finish "Space Invaders..." I mean, I got a *million* excuses. That's pretty much the same excuse I've got for not answering my mail all week - I've been in BED!
Of course, now it's Friday as I write this...so...maybe just a BIT later
Hey, I caught that iGeneration Wrestling PPV on Tuesday night. Awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, stinky, awful, and awful. Simply dreadful. I'm not sure if it was better or worse than "Heroes of Wrestling," mostly because I'll NEVER be inclined to go back and watch HoW to check...
UPN - THURSDAY!
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Earlier Today, Stephanie paced while Jim Ross watched. "Well Ms.Helmsley...you've asked me here, so I'll just let you do the talking." "You're a smart man, JR. And as you know, this is the last SmackDown! of 2000, which is why I want you to be the one to witness my mission statement." "Why me?" "Because you gotta big mouth, JR, and I know that you will do your duty to spread my word to audiences all around the world. I want my name synonymous with greatness, like my father (Vince McMahon). And my husband (Triple H). By the end of tonight, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley will be a name emblazoned in people's minds. The superstars of the WWF? They're gonna start to treat my family and me with some respect - and I'm gonna start tonight with Chris Jericho. If Jericho thinks that he can call me all those nasty names, well he better think again because tonight I'm gonna put Jericho in a handicap match against the WWF tag team champions, Edge & Christian. And speaking of champions, I think I'm gonna put Kurt Angle in a WWF championship match against Buh Buh Ray Dudley. And, come to think of it, I'll make a second handicap match pitting the team of the Rock and the Undertaker against Rikishi." "Now I find THAT pretty interesting." "I don't care what you find interesting. Beacsuse it's not about you, JR. Tonight is about me (Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley). As a matter of fact, I think tonight I might make some new year's resolutions....but you don't really deserve to hear them. Tonight, JR, you better get ready, because you're gonna find out just why I am...Daddy's Little Girl." I'm thinking they need to surgically remove Stephanie's hand from her hip...
Hit the PYRO - once again, it's on. Coming to you from the Gaylord Entertainment Center in (Kevin) Nashville, TN and airing 28.12.2K (but taped way back on 23.12) on UPN, iiiiiiiiiit's SMACKDOWN!
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. EDGE & CHRISTIAN in a handicap match - Will this be the last Y2J countdown? Well...THIS year, for sure. Having forced us to sit through that....well, whatever that thing Stephanie just delivered, we go straight to ACTION. Well, scratch that - first some words from Jericho, who takes the mic from his former stooge HOWARD FINKEL, once again the ring announcer for the holidays. "Stephanie... McMahon...Helmsley...since I so obviously insulted you with the names that I called you last Monday night to the point of you booking me in a Handicap match against the World Wrestling Federation tag team champions, I have decided to make it my new year's resolution to never, EVEEER call you those things agayn. But, since it's not quite new year's yet...and since I'm already screwed in a handicap match, I might as well get my money's worth, so Stephanie, you are definitely THE most...filthy... dirty... disgusting... brutal... bottom-feeding, trashbag...and I believe it was Santa Claus who said it best when he said 'HO HO HO!'" Jericho pops Edge off the apron before he can enter - then drags Christian under the bottom rope and into the ring. Right hand, whip is reversed, but Jericho grabs a knee and rolls up for 2. Double leg, going to turn him into the Walls but Edge is in to break it up. Edge gets to stomping, then Christian gets away with the foot on the throat as referee "Blind" Jim Korderas tries to keep it one on one by putting Edge back to the corner. Big "Y2J" chant. Blatant choke by Christian. Tag. Open kick to the ribs. Right by Edge, by Christian, by Edge, and by Edge again. Choke on the second rope. Tag - open shot to the ribs. To the corner. Tag. Tonight, Matt Hardy gets an IC shot! Jericho into the corner - their version of Poetry in Motion MISSES. Jericho clotheslines Edge down. Right for Christian - Edge on Jericho's back. Into the ropes, ducks the double clothesline, then reverses the double spinebuster attempt into a double DDT! Bulldog for Edge...going for the Lionsault...and hits it! 1, 2, Christian in to break it up. Jericho with a springboard dropkick for Christian. Chop for Edge. Into the ropes, reversed, double leg takedown, going for the Walls once again....and got it on! Korderas trying to keep Christian away...and missing Edge tapping. STEPHANIE ONO is out...and into the ring. Jericho breaks the hold and points to her. Korderas over to get HER out of the ring - behind his back, and behind *Jericho's* back - Christian has Jericho - TOMOKAZE finds the mark. Edge hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3. (2:37) Christian gives him *another* Tomokaze for good measure. Doubleteam beatdown by the tag team champions...now holding him wide open for a SLAP by Stephanie! And hey, how 'bout one more? Jericho tries to lunge for her, but Edge and Christian stop him, and keep him down. Double sitout powerbomb! Play "My Time!" This show... is just getting started!
Jakks Pacific "Backstage Mayhem" playset ad...but...isn't Christmas over? (Maybe it'd make a good eighth night of Chanukah present) (Oh, COME ON)
Moments Ago, Christian took advantage of a distracted Jericho. Then Stephanie slapped him...twice in THIS replay, too
To her office, where congratulations are shared all around betwixt Stephanie and Edge & Christian. "It was an honour - it was a privlige..." "Trust us, it was a pleasure." Handshakes all around...
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS BENOIT (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. MATT HARDY - Champ enters first because Stephanie.....umm, because Stephanie....no, I can't make it work. Sorry. Benoit misses an elbow as Matt rushes the ring - right by Hardy, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Hardy with a clothesline. Benoit goes outside. Hardy to the top - big plancha to the floor! Both men wiped out. Hardy rolls Benoit back in - scoop....and a slam. Fistdrop. Leg is hooked....just 2. Right hand, into the opposite corner reversed, but Hardy gets an elbow up. Clothesline from the second rope...gets 2. Right, right, right, Benoit reverses it, chop, chop, chop, into the opposite corner is reversed - Benoit hits sternum first. Hardy with a chop. Chop, chop! Benoit reverses the suplex attempt by hanging him out on the top rope. Into the ropes, Benoit buries the knee. Jeff gets a hardcore shot tonight! Benoit with the snap suplex...for 2. Hardy with a right, Benoit with an elbow. Into the corner - kick, right, right. Benoit stomps. Hardy with a right, but Benoit puts him down again. Into the ropes, big back elbow. 1, 2, Hardy kicks out. Going for the suplex...but Hardy manages a small package! Only 2, and Benoit is quick with the chop. BIG death suplex. Snap elbowdrop. Leg is hooked....2! Benoit going for the backbreaker..and now telling us that that's it. To the top rope...swandive headbutt MISSES! Hardy struggling to his feet...referee "Blind" Tim White at three. Hardy blocks, right, right, gutshot, off the ropes with the tornado DDT - and only 2! Scoop...and a slam. And now it's Hardy going up...big legdrop from the second rope! 1, 2, ohhhhhhh foot on the rope! Signalling for the Twist of Fate...but Benoit grabs the arm and locks in the Crippler crossface! Hardy to the ropes, but Benoit pulls him back - White counts to four anyway, then forces the break. Benoit rips off a turnbuckle cover. Oooh! Gutshot for Hardy - attempting to whip him into the post, but Hardy holds fast and reverses - kick to the gut - *Benoit* shoved into the corner...he ducks the exposed turnbuckle but ends up going shoulder-first straight into the post! Hardy rolls him up...1, 2, NO!!! Hardy with a stomp. Trying to whip him into the exposed STEEL once again, but Benoit reverses and tries to grabs the arm...but Hardy punches out of it. Whip into the non-exposed cover is reversed - Hardy gets a boot up to halt Benoit's charge - going for a tornado DDT but Benoit catches the arm on the way down and doesn't let go - and Matt's forced to tap out to the crossface. (6:14) He'd like to get a bit more after the bell but White stops him. Benoit gives us that grin one more time...
Wow! Undertaker is WALKING! JONATHAN COACHMAN catches up with him and stooges off that Stephanie's booked him and Rock in a handicap match against Rikishi. After giving us a ptui, Taker responds: "Cool! Payback's gonna be a (beep)."
WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment (aka "several ads") here on UPN!
Here's a look at the exterior of the lovely Gaylord Entertainment Center
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER
Let Us Take You Back to RAW, where Chyna sat down with JR - she's gotta lotta hate
Our hosts relate that earlier today, they received a heinous piece of footage from Val Venis and Ivory...
And here it is. Val Venis plays Jim Ross - complete with red WWF shirt, black hat, and Canadian version of a Southern accent. Ivory, made up like Chyna down to the stray bang (and *also* wearing a collar) repeats everything Chyna said on Monday, almost word for word. "God forbid your career ends up like that - maybe one way of looking at it is...that you deserved it. I mean, your appearance in Playboy corrupted millions of young minds. You got a book coming out which details your disgraceful lifestyle. Then there was '3rd Rock from the Sun,' and I'm sure there'll be movies which, of course, after posing nude in Playboy, should be right up your vulgar alley. And if these RtC-induced injuries *are* career-ending, then maybe you shouldn't be here whining and crying like a child - maybe you should be grateful - grateful that now, millions of young fans will no longer be corrupt by your perverse presence here in the World Wrestling Federation." "All the obstacles I've overcome, all the steps I've taken in my life....they were all wrong. Thanks to the Right to Censor, now I can make a change, I can fight a good fight, I can do what's right, be a better person. I - I hated who I was. I hated...that I was a tramp, I hated that I posed nude in Playboy...(sobbing) and I really hated that it took just one simple piledriver to wake me up out of that - I hated who I was..." THIS WAS AWESOME
Our hosts react to what we've just seen - buncha wusses, if you ask me
In Stephanie's office, Kurt Angle replays over and over Eric's trip through the table from Monday (although, without TNN OR WWF logos). Angle vows to embarrass and humiliate Buh Buh Ray tonight...this is the only shot he'll EVER get at the WWF title. Ohh, so THAT'S why she booked this match.
Meanwhile, D-Von pumps up his half brother....then, Buh Buh Ray starts WALKING!
Royal Rumble promo - because when you think midgets and Amish, you GOTTA think Royal Rumble
"No Mercy" ad - is this thing still for sale? Huh
"No Mercy" ad #2 - hey, now you're just doing overkill here
WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on UPN! Hey, get Foley out of that set of clips!
Tonight's Monster Jam clue is "Grave Digger!" Enter NOW on upn44.tv to win MONSTER TRUCK TIX at the Oakland Arena
While you're surfing upn44.tv, why not enter to win two ringside tickets to Oakland's SmackDown! on the 9th AND two 50 yard line seats for the SF Demons' home opener 4 February?
Gary & Mike's special sneak preview will be 11 January after SmackDown! We could only hope that that means 90 minutes of SmackDown!, right? Har har
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: BUH BUH RAY DAMN DUDLEY (with Heat hype) v. KING KURT ANGLE - "WWF 2000 Exposed!" is the theme this Sunday on Heat - you be sure and watch! It'll be a lot like the "Best of Thunder" - only an hour shorter. Angle carries THE STICK: "You know something, Buh Buh? You may have risen to prominence by putting women through tables....but I rose to prominence by doing something that these people are too stupid to realise - and that is winning an Olympic Gold Medal, not to mention the WWF title. Like you people aren't, ahh. And Buh Buh, I hope you're satisfied...because you broke my number one rule. You do NOT put your hands on my family. And if you think I'm kidding, just try me, mister." Dudley, who has been letting loose with a barely audible stream of obscenities this whole time, gets first shot while Angle's on the apron - then goes outside to smack him with his own mic. Head to the apron. Rolled in. D-Von watches on the Magic Window. Angle with a right, right, right, right, Dudley with a right, Angle, Dudley, Angle, Angle, Angle, Angle, Dudley, Angle, Angle, Angle. Into the ropes, no, Dudley holds on, no, Angle goes behind with a German suplex! Seesaw, technical precision and...well. Stomp. "We want table." Big right hand by the champ. Elbow across the back of the head. Right. Kick to the gut. Right to the back of the head. Right, Dudley, Angle, Dudley, into the ropes, Dudley's head down...Angle with the deliberate neckbreaker. Again to the back of the head. Right hand. Right in the corner, right, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda warns him off. Angle back - block, Dudley with a slap! Block, slap again. Dudley with one more loud slap. Into the opposite corner, but Angle avoids the charge - then clotheslines him down. Stephanie also watches backstage, on a monitor from her office. Angle hits the Moonsault That Never Lands Lest Arms Be Broken...and, go figure, it misses. Chioda puts on the count...4...Angle up. Dudley up, block, right, block, right, left, right, left, slap, into the ropes, big clothesline, leg is hooked....but only 2. Into the ropes again, giant sidewalk slam...1, 2, NO! Elbow by Dudley, into the ropes, big back body drop, leg is hooked...and one more near fall for the challenger. Slap, into the ropes is reversed, Angle catches him....BIG belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Angle goes outside...and grabs the title belt. Chioda warns him...Angle knocks him aside, but Dudley has a boot at the ready - and there's a DDT. Dudley slowly puts his arm over Angle - 1, 2, NO!!!!!!! Crowd can't believe how close that was. Dudley comes up with a strange look on his face...grabs the title belt...but Chioda pulls it away from him, and in the moment that his back is turned...Angle hits him with a low blow and wraps him up with a small package - 1, 2, 3! (4:37) Dudley back up - forearm across the back - do si do whip reversal - Dudley with the full nelson atomic drop ("Buh Buh Bomb")...now punching away on Angle until EDGE & CHRISTIAN come out to make the save. Doubleteam ensues until D-VON DAMN DUDLEY arrives. He's a house on fire! Christian tossed over the top rope to the floor. Edge walks into a stun gun from Buh Buh Ray. Scoop....and a slam for Angle. Must be time for "Wazzup!" I expect that the testify dance will be next - and so. I wonder if Buh Buh Ray might ask D-Von to get something - ayup. D-Von *does* put a table into the ring, but Christian heads back up to the apron as it's set up - D-Von puts him back on the floor with one shot. Edge up - Buh Buh Ray works *him* over. But Angle's recovered and up behind him - Olympic Slam through the table!! Play his music again! He's the champion! He's MY champion! Replay shows the direct nutshot and small package for the pin - and here's a replay of the Olympic Table Slam.
Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley is WALKING! PLEASE, STEPHANIE...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO TAKE YOUR HAND OFF YOUR HIP, IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT
RAW is WAR airs on TNN - if you want to watch it, you've got to have it - if you don't have it, call your local cable company and tell them you need it! NOW! DEMAND IT
You're watching SmackDown! and just two weeks away from the premiere of Gary & Mike...on UPN!
The Rock's arrived - on foot - yes - he is WALKING
Here comes STEPHANIE ONO - if she doesn't take that hand off that hip, by God, I'm gonna....write somebody really nasty email or something. "I have changed my mind! I've decided to share my new year's resolution with all of you after all! You know, it's too bad that you don't want to hear it, because if affects the World Wrestling Federation and therefore affects ALL OF YOU. And my new year's resolution is to get what I deserve! And I deserve the respect of the WWF superstars. My father is Vince McMahon! My father owns this company. And not to mention my husband, the greatest WWF superstar of all-time, The Game...Triple H...and the greatest part about my resolution is that it's already started to come to life! I mean, Chris Jericho got what he deserved after calling me all those filthy names. Matt Hardy got what he deserved after challenging Chris Benoit to an intercontinental championship match. And Buh Buh Ray Dudley, as we all just saw, certainly got what HE deserved after putting Kurt's brother Eric through a table Monday night. But the night is just getting started!" I hear glass - STEP OFF DOT COM is out to - no doubt - pay his respects. After hitting all four corners, it's time to find out what he's got to say. "You know I think it's great that you come out here with all your little resolutions and all that...and I don't think there's one person here, including Stone Cold Steve Austin that gives a rat's ass about all your resolutions. You come out here sayin' 'bout what you deserve, what you want, there's only one thing Stone Cold Steve Austin wants, and that's a shot at the WWF title." "Is that a fact?" "You're damn right that's a fact. Now listen. I didn't come out here to raise hell or ruffle your little feathers - I'm just here to let you know right now that I ain't gonna come out here week after week playin' your stupid little games. Until you grant me a WWF title shot against Kurt Angle, hell I can find plenty o' ways to keep busy. I could show up at these arenas, and I can drink beer, and I can raise hell...and I can drink some more beer...and I can raise some more hell..." "Well Austin, you make a pretty convincing argument, but..." Crowd: "Slut!" "But quite frankly, nothin' personal, I just don't think you *deserve* one." "I don't think I heard you very well, you said what?" "I said you don't deserve a title shot. What's the matter, you can't hear me?" "If you think Stone Cold deserves a title shot, gimme a hell yeah - now I don't hear so well, but I just heard about eighteen thousand hell yeahs." "You can hear as many hell yeahs as you want, but the fact of the matter is that my opinion overrides eighteen thousand people, and MY opinion - my opinion hasn't changed. You do not deserve a title shot." "Well then I guess that's all you had to say and...since you ain't gonna give me a title shot I guess you probably don't mind if I drown my sorrows with a coupla beers." Three beers tossed his way. Why doesn't Austin just get his wife to book a title match? Austin pops a cold one, two - toasts and downs one. And there's another. Stephanie makes the appropriate facial expressions. "Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa - now hold it, hold it, hold it. I didn't come out here to be rude to ya, Steph, I mean just because your last name's McMahon, just because I hate your daddy's guts, I hate your husband's guts, and you don't think I deserve a shot at the title, that don't mean there ain't no reason you and me can't take a drink together." Another beer thrown his way. Austin pops it and offers it to her...she takes it. "Drink up, woman, here's to ya" - then he toasts her - HARD, spilling beer all over her dress. "I can't help but notice you ain't drinkin' your beer, don't you like beer?" "Yeah, I like beer!" "Well if you like beer and you ain't drinking one I guess you're trying to send me some kinda message." "I'm sending you a message all right, Austin." "Well the message I get that you're trying to send me is that it's okay to waste a perfectly good beer. No, now I'm with ya. Normally Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't like to waste a perfectly good beer, but I think in your case I can make an exception to the rule." And then he pours the beer over her head. BOTH of 'em, wooah! "I think you just got what you deserve...and that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so!" I'm sure this should get me hot, but....nope.
Hey, keep it under your hat...but you're watching UPN
Local slot holds an XFL ad - coming February to UPN 44!
Another look at Nashville, as we let you know that SmackDown! is brought to you by PlayStation 2, the WWF Shop Zone dot com, and Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli!
Moments Ago, Austin poured beer over Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley That's what I *thought* he did.
Backstage, Stephanie wails "I'm Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, dammit" to the makeup lady
WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER & IVORY (with Steven Richards and Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight....*and* Back to RAW) v. ACOLYTES & JACQUELINE in extra spicy intergender action - Pier Four Brawl amongst the men to start, until the WWF tag formula kicks in and Goodfather is tossed outside, allowing Faarooq to head for his corner. We focus on Buchanan and Bradshaw - Buchanan in control, into the ropes, reversal, big back elbow by Bradshaw. Head to the buckle, right, kick, into the opposite corner, but Buchanan pops out with a clothesline. Bradshaw sent into the ropes, head down, big forearm by Bradshaw, chop, right, chop, whip is reversed, but Bradshaw leaves his feet on the shoulderblock. Tag to Faarooq, open shot. Into the ropes, left-handed lariat gets 2. Right, into the opposite corner, Buchanan gets an elbow up. Big boot. Tag to Goodfather, into the ropes, double gutshot, double head to the mat. Goodfather covers for 2. Stomp by Goodfather. Head to the buckle. Into the ropes, head down, Faarooq manages to drive his head to the mat. Ivory tags herself in. Faarooq is ready to take her on, but Jacqueline is in behind him with the most blatantly illegal tag Long's probably ever seen...if only he had the good sense to disallow it. Of course, he doesn't, so Jacqueline races across the ring to spear Ivory. This brings all six folks into the ring - and Richards behind the commentators (ha!). BALD VENIS tries to sneak out in the meantime, but somehow Long actually sees him and keeps him from getting in the ring. Jacqueline stops wailing away on Ivory long enough to stomp on Venis' hand. This allows Ivory to come up from behind and roll up Jacqueline for the fall. (2:16) The Pier Six (Seven? Eight?) continues until THA 1 BILLY GUNN runs out to help the Acolytes clear the ring of folks in white shirts and black ties. They play "I Got it All," but it does not matter...the Right to Censor won again!
Backstage, Austin is leaving the arena - one beer finished, he whips out another. How he can drink while he's WALKING, I'll never know
WWF Home Video: "Break Down the Walls" & "Kurt Angle: It's True It's True" ad
"No Mercy" ad #3 - geez, did they have a lot of leftover spots to sell after Christmas? I guess you can only sell so many to "thetruth"
"No Mercy" ad #4 - YIKES
You're watching ads in the middle of WWF SmackDown!...on UPN!
You know what movie "Save the Last Dance" reminds me of? That's right - BREAKIN'
UPN 44 SmackDown!/Demons "Hot Seats" contest promo #2
When we come back, Test and Albert are having a spat. "I thought we were supposed to be friends - I cannot *believe* you sucking up to the boss' daughter last Monday. Man, Stephanie is poison - trust me, I know." "What I did last Monday night was for the benefit of us - our team. Do you like your job?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Heed Vince's advice - do not cross the boss. Making Stephanie angry is a bad idea." "Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa - it wasn't me who made Stephanie angry to begin with." "Then who was it?" "It was Trish." "Trish." "By the way, where is Trish?" "She's at home for the holidays relaxing -" "Home, huh?" "- something you need to do." "Yeah, I betcha I know what home *she's* at. I betcha Vince is REAL lonely up at the mansion with Linda in the hospital, huh?" "Are you kidding me? Will you just get this into your thick head, and don't cross the boss!" "C'mon, man...chill out..."
The Lugz Peace & Joy is Blackman's suplex and pin of Hardcore Holly from Monday on RAW....and Raven's ambush on Blackman post-match to win the title
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: RAVEN (with plundah) v. JEFF HARDY (with Heat hype) - Champ enters first, because it's a Hardy family tradition to enter second when challenging in title matches. Raven is announced as the NEW Hardcore champion because the confused fans in the arena haven't seen RAW yet. "Steve Blackman and Bob Holly were decimated on Monday night and lay convulsing in a heap, courtesy of what has come to be known as the Raven effect - but that is the only facet of my existence that you brain-dead WWF fans will ever come to know. And now, in my first hardcore title defense, they troll out a mere Hardy Boy as my opponent? Well, Jeff, 2001 will be known as the year of the Raven, and I will---" The music cuts him off. "WWF 2000 Exposed!" this Sunday on MTV! After a turnbuckle pose, Hardy spies Raven advancing with a garbage can - so he cuts loose with a missile dropkick to the can...to Raven. Stomp, stomp, Hardy sets up the can - pounding on Raven - forearm, head to a turnbuckle - Raven bounces around. Running bulldog into the trashcan - sorta. Cover...2. Stomp. Hardy grabs a mop - and puts the bristles in Raven's face - then swings the stick on his abdomen. Hair whip back to the mat. Hardy up top - riding the mop like a witch...but Raven's out of the way. Raven back to the garbage can...WHACK! Raven has a sign - and there's a whack. Through the ropes to the outside...and Raven follows. Side Russian legsweep into the barricade...cover out on the floor...2! Hardy rolled back in - Raven back through the ropes as well. Got ANOTHER trashcan - WHACK! Raven stands the can in the centre of the ring and puts a lid on top. Into the ropes, drop toehold onto the can - ow! 1, 2, NO! Raven argues the cadence of referee "Blind" Chad Patton. Back over to Hardy..but he didn't notice the mop between his legs - yow! Hardy bounces him on the mop several times for comedic effect. Double legdrop to the crotch. Hardy outside - he's found a ladder under the ring! Ladder to the gut - swung around to the ribs - to the face. Hardy puts the ladder over Raven's corpse...then hits a super double legdrop to the ladder! 1, 2, NO!!! 1-800-COL-LECT provides the Double Feature as Hardy sets up the ladder - he's up to the top and ready to fly...but Raven rolls outside the ring, preventing the spot...Hardy calmly walks over to the top rope and hits a clothesline to the floor. Raven rolled back in...Hardy stomping - right. Back up the ladder...but Raven's going for the fire extinguisher - got him right in the eyes as he's coming down. There's the Evenflow - and there's the pin. Raven retains. (4:41) "The Raven Effect...continues!" Raven goes over the barricade and out through the crowd.
KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands with Rikishi. "Armageddon should have ended my career...but it didn't. And you wanna speak about being famous? Well let me tell you exactly how Rikishi became famous - by running down that rattlesnake Stone Cold Steve Austin - that's how Rikishi became famous! By puttin' a sledgehammer to the Rock's chest - that's how Rikishi became famous! And Stephanie McMahon, tonight, wants to throw me into a handicap match with the Undertaker and the Rock? Well let me tell you this: whatever happens in that ring - whatever I do to the Rock or the Undertaker, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, it's not on my head...it's on your head. And you know what? Let's just find out tonight who becomes famous."
Backstage Mayhem ad #2
Here's a look at the outside of WWF New York!
TOO COOL (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. T&A - didn't I see this match on Monday? Why, surely - here's a replay to confirm it! Test and Albert waste no time taking it to the men opposite them...and referee "Blind" Jack Doan having trobule keeping order. In a slight breach of WWF tag team match protocol, Albert actually goes outside after Scotty 2 Hotty after throwing him out - but Hotty sidesteps a yaaaah splash to the ringpost and Albert hits hard. Meanwhile, Test has a foot on Sexay's throat. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed - Test gets the boots up but Sexay ducks under and heads outside - he and Hotty make a wish using Test's legs...and the ringpost. I think they got their wish...Sexay to the top - huge splash only gets 2. Tag to Hotty. Test meets him with a knee - tag. Open shot by Albert. Yaaah uppercut. Into the ropes, Hotty ducks the yah clothesline, Hotty with a kick...but Albert muscles him to the corner - yah shoulder to the gut - Hotty ducks the next one and gets four on the Ten Punch Count Along before Albert trades places, putting Hotty on the top turnbuckle. Right is blocked, left is blocked, right connects...and Hotty falls to the floor. Stomping on him as Sexay helps roll him back in. WOW Catapult, using the second rope to decapitate him. Tag out to Test. Lawler says "bitter divorce she had with Test" - uhhh no. Hotty manages to put a boot up as he comes in - another charge sidestepped, Hotty with a slap, or a right, who knows, here's another, into the ropes is reversed - Test with a tilt-a-whirl slam...Sexay breaks it up at 2. Test with a right, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, standing on the throat. Tag to Albert. Into the ropes, double back elbow. Albert with a yah uppercut, into the opposite corner, but Hotty manages a defensive elbow as Albert comes in to try the yaaaaah splash. Hotty going for the pre-worm bulldog, but Albert has that scouted and throws a big back elbow to halt that noise. Albert off the ropes, but the yaaah splash finds no water in the pool. Will he get that tag now? Tag to Sexay! Ducks the clothesline, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, Sexay slides under, kick is caught, and so's the enzuigiri, but in a different way. Test comes in to try to help - Sexay ducks *his* clothesline - Hotty over for a double death suplex! Double clothesline puts Test out on the floor. Albert over - they duck *his* double clothesline, Sexay with a gutshot, and Hotty with the bulldog - and I think you know what's next. Test pulls Sexay outside while Scotty is worming...then comes in to toss Hotty outside. Running at Sexay on the apron, but he lowers the bridge, taking Test outside - got the goggles...Hip Hop Drop! Got him covered, but unfortunately Doan is occupied with Hotty up on the apron...and also missing Test's Savage elbow onto the pile. Albert rolled on top - 1, 2, 3. (4:44) Scotty tries to get him some o' Test following the match...Test easily dispenses of him, but turns back to take...Albert's bicycle kick! Huh? Straight right after Albert demands he get up. Field goal kick. Chasing Doan out - and another field goal kick. Cut to Stephanie's dressing room, where we see Steph watching the monitor with a big smile... Albert continuing to kick away on Test...kick, kick, now standing on the throat....looks like some of those "internal injuries" as Test's mouth turns red. Yaaaaaaavalanche finishes him off. "I'm done carrying you! It's MY turn! I'm done carrying you! FINISHED with you!" And off he goes. Well that came outta nowhere. I wonder who gets to keep the music? I wonder who gets to keep the *manager*?
WOW! Kevin Kelly stands by! He'll be emasculated by the Rock, shortly
TONIGHT: Undertaker & The Rock vs. Rikishi - Handicap Match!
Jesse Ventura shills the XFL - once again
Backstage Mayhem ad #3
And now, a WWF Royal Rumble Replay! From 1999....possibly Vince Russo's finest hour as Mr. McMahon eliminates Steve Austin to win the Royal Rumble!
1-800-COL-LECT proudly sponsors the Royal Rumble - as well as this look at the outside of the arena
Another look at our hosts
Another Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, where beer was spilled
Kevin Kelly stands in the towering presence of the Rock. Crowd chants...something or other. "Finally, the Rock has come back to Nashville! You know, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, you come out and you run your mouth - the match is made, handicap match, the Rock and the Undertaker takin' on Riksihi. And you come out and you run your mouth about your new year's resolutions. Well, you are right about one thing, Stephanie...the new year is upon us. And just like you, the Rock has some new year's resolutions of his own. And seeing as this is the very last SmackDown! of the 2000, the very last of the Rock's show, SmackDown!, 2000...the Rock has some new year's resolutions of his own. Number one is that in 2001 to once again become WWF....Champion. And number two, to remain, with a shadow of a doubt, the greatest sports entertainer the world has ever seen. And number three, to finally raise enough money to get this hermaphrodite the sex change he's always wanted. (Kelly looks crestfallen - they take turns glancing at his crotch - Kelly openly weeps) And number four, the Rock plans on going back to his roots. You see, Rikishi, last Monday night, when you attacked the Rock when he was down, ya beat the Rock, kicked the Rock, what you're failing to realise is this: is that the Rock used to live right here in Nashville. And Rikishi, the Rock used to go to school right here in Nashville. But, Rikishi, the Rock's not here to once again go back to McGavick high school, no no no. The Rock is here, however, to go to school all right. The Rock is gonna go to school, find some erasers, sharpen some pencils, eat some tater tots, do some geography, and above all else, the Rock is here to go to school all over your big fat candyass!" Rock turns his head ever so slightly to catch a hint, a mere wisp of a chant from the assembled masses. "If ya smellllllllllllllllllllll what THE ROCK ...... is cookin'." And then he starts WALKING!
Meanwhile, Rikishi has caught onto the latest craze - he too is WALKING!
Meanwhile, the Undertaker, surprisingly, is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Viscera is WALKING! Oh wait, that's not him - it's actually an ad. The WWF Fanatic Series presentation for December is "3 Faces of Foley" - of course, December is OVER and this PPV won't be shown again, so perhaps they'd want to move to the January hype....eh
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by 1-800-COL-LECT! From RAW, Rikishi returns...and somehow...his pants stay on
ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' DOT COM (on his Beautiful Titan Bike, with Limp Bizkit CD cover) and IF YA SMELLLLLLLL DOT COM v. RIKASHMONEY in a handicap match - Golly, there's quite a bit of time left in this show if this is the main event? I mean, sure, we can cut two minutes with Taker's entrance, and maybe squeeze two more out of Rock's entrance, but....well, I dunno. Of course, I don't get why Stephanie would book THIS match, either, unless she thinks that teaming two guys who don't like each other will stir the pot and create some interesting fireworks? Looks like the belt on his robe says RIKIZHI to me...but before he gets to the bottom of the ramp, "My Time" plays one more time and out comes STEPHANIE ONO (with towel). A look is exchanged between Rikishi and Stephanie. "Now Rikishi, I heard what you said earlier, and you're right. What happens in this match *is* on my head - and if all of you liked what Stone Cold Steve Austin did to me earlier....then you're really gonna like this. Allow me to introduce you to Rikishi's *partner* - the WWF European Champion, WILLIAM REGAL!" Umm.....welll...well. "Ah, now wait - wait just a second. I said that this was gonna be a handicap match, and I certainly can't go back on my word, so allow me to introduce Rikishi and Regal's partner....KANE." This gets an "Oh my God" outta Cole. Ah....er......oh. Stephanie goes backstage as the triumverate reaches the ring - Kane and Regal taking their licks while Rikishi stays outside. Rock clotheslines Kane out while Taker works over Regal. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner dutifully puts Rock outside. Whip into the opposite corner, clothesline. Whip to the opposite corner...Regal walks into a sidewalk slam...for 2. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Regal - ducks a clothesline, European forearm (left), forearm, Taker put in the corner...four more forearms - make it five. Into the opposite corner is reversed, but Regal puts up the elbow. Tag to Kane - Taker ducks, soupbone, soupbone, tag to Rock, arm wringer, open shot by Rock, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes with a....oh no, he ate a clothesline from Kane instead. Head to the buckle. Kane with the back elbow. Overhand right, right, right, right is blocked, Rock with a right, right, right, Kane with a knee to the head, right, into the ropes, Rock flies off with a flying clothesline. Huh! Tag to Taker - open kick. Soupbone. Arm wringer, "old school!" Kane apparently does not have it scouted, as Taker jumps off the top rope and punishes the arm. Free shot for Regal as well...but he turns back to eat Kane's boot. Head to the buckle, tag to Rikishi. Rock tries to come in, drawing Hebner's attention and allowing Regal to punctuate Rikishi's kicks by adding lefts of his own. Rikishi dares Rock to come in again, allowing Kane to hit an uppercut out on the floor. Rikishi with a ... low knee. Tag to Regal, there's a knee, Euro forearm to the head, forearm in the corner, now to the Euro elbows - all lefts, of course. Wow, Regal busts out his "left knee, right knee, double knee" spot - it's been a while. Tag to Kane as Rikishi takes a free shot. Right by Kane. Kane pops Rock one, then goes back to Taker with a right. Rikishi with another cheap shot. Kane with another right. Head to the buckle. Taker fires back with a soupbone. Kane with a right. Soupbone, right, soupbone, right...soupbone.....soupbone...off the ropes and both men work the big boot, and now both men are down. Crowd chants "Rock E!" Tag to Regal...hot tag to Rock! Block, right, right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Into the opposite corner is reversed, but Rock holds on, then hits the belly-to-belly throw. Shot for Rikishi, shot for Kane...waiting on Regal....and there's the spinebuster! But Kane comes in with a clothesline before we can even think People's Elbow. This brings in Taker - soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone and Kane goes outside...landing on his feet. Meanwhile, Rikishi is back up the ramp - he's through for the night. Rock changes his mind by running up the ramp to clothesline him from behind. And here's a shot righ tin the nuts. Right. Back down the ramp and back into the ring...where Undertaker awaits. Rikishi tries to beg off - funny. Pinball time! Soupbone from Undertaker, right from Rock, soupbone, right....ready for the chokeslam...and hitting it! Regal back in on Rock, Kane from behind on the Undertaker. THEY back and forth it while Regal gets the upper hand on Rock with stomps and forearms. Rikishi has a STEEL chair - now Regal is holding Rock...I think we can all see where *this* is heading...sure enough, Rock ducks out at the last minute and Regal takes the chair in the noggin. Taker, having dumped Kane, is on Rikishi - soupbone, elbow, soupbone...Rock with a DDT on Regal - floating over - 1, 2, 3! (7:26) Wow, Rock actually wins with a non-finisher - give it up to Regal for selling the ol' noodle. It ain't over, though - Kane back in and Taker still punching away on him. Rock working over Rikishi...but Regal is up from behind...BIG neckbreaker by Regal. RIKISHIKICK for Undertaker! Then he stands over him - and THERE'S a fat ass splash. Kane stands at the ready...Rock staggering to his feet...and taking ahhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. The faces are laid out - and the heels have their arms raised, as Rikishi's music plays. Regal waves to the crowd with a smile, Rikishi has a triumphant look on his face...and Kane is enigmatic as usual.
We look back to Stephanie, who is trying to do a Ted DiBiase laugh impersonation - and failing.
See you next year!