31-15, two games behind the Blazers - not a good week, losing
to the Lakers and then getting two more road losses to limp into the
All-Star Break. Look for Webber to win the MVP and erase the last
Sacramento memories of Mitch Richmond (the REAL Rock).
In case you forgot, it's EXTREME FEBRUARY! On UPN!
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Close captioned logo - Opening Credits
PYRO AWAY! Coming to you from the SOLD-OUT Colesium in Charleston, SC 8.2.1 (taped 6.2) and airing on UPN and the Score, THIS is WWF SMACKDOWN!
BILLIONAIRE VINCE wants to get a quick makeup for not having too much talkin' on LAST week's show, so out he comes. There's a Royal Rumble tumbler in the ring. "Well! I haven't said anything and you're booing! Is this Southern hospitality? If you know anything at all about me, you know I'm about one thing, and that's fairness. Fairness in life...fairness in business...fairness here in the World Wrestling Federation. However, last Monday night, there was an incident that was anything but fair - that incident involved the Big Show and the Rock. Let's take a look. Now the Rock was involved in a tag team match and out of nowhere, the Big Show came down and cleaned the Rock's clock. Now that wasn't fair...was it? Now considering all that the Rock has been through as of late, there are many of you who think that the Rock should be the #1 Contender. (Hey! Kurt Angle has a posse!) Maybe the Rock should be facing Kurt Angle for the WWF Championship at No Way Out - then again, maybe not. Maybe it should be the Big Show going for the title. Well, tonight, right here in South Carolina - tonight, right here In This Very Ring - the seven foot, five hundred pound monster, the Big Show, goes one on one with the Rock! And the winner of that match will face Kurt Angle for the WWF Championship at No Way Out. However, last Monday night there was yet another incident in that very same match - an incident that could have ended in double career suicide. Let's take a look and take you back to last Monday night. Again, look at this - Austin, ready to blow a gasket - but watch Triple H! Triple H! Triple H takes a swing at Austin! And it's a good thing Triple H missed - you all know the conditions on the contract for the match between Austin and Triple H at No Way Out. And I would like to remind you, as well as the two principals, had Triple H connected with that right hand, both individuals would be penalized. Triple H would have been suspended for six months, and Austin would have lost his main event shot at WrestleMania. So perhaps it was my fault, I'll accept some blame, perhaps it was my fault for bringing 'em too close together in a tag team combination anyhow. Yet there's no doubt that both principals are very much looking forward to FINALLY settling the score - Austin versus Triple H at No Way Out. Both individuals have suggested certain stipulations to finally settle the score...and quite frankly, I think we've come up with a...sorta novel way of finding out whose stipulations will be placed on the match at No Way Out. Tonight, here In This Very Ring...on the outside of that corner will stand Stone Cold Steve Austin....on the outside of this corner will stand Triple H....and they will have representatives competing for themselves, here In This Very Ring. If Triple H's representative defeats Austin's representative, then Triple H gets to select the condition, the stipulation for their match at No Way Out. And likewise, for Stone Cold Steve Austin's representative, Austin gets to choose the stipulation. Now then, we have here in this tumble, we have the names of many many WWF superstars. The name of Austin's representative will be chosen from this tumbler - the name of Triple H's representative will be chosen from this tumbler as well - and I would like to have a volunteer come forward...someone who objectively would chose the representatives of the factions. May I have a volunteer please?" I think EVERYBODY in the crowd wants to volunteer, but instead the music rises and out comes WILLIAM REGAL...with TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL on his arm. I think we just got us some volunteers. A warm handshake between McMahon and Stratus... "So good of you, William, to uh assist." "Mr. McMahon, being an ambassador of goodwill, I am more than happy to help you with this tremendous undertaking here. Now I hope you don't mind, but I've brought along my little crumpet here, you know, this spritely young (mint?) and I'm sure you don't mind, but...I'm more than happy to help, but I'm sorry if I look a little tired, because I haven't been getting much sleep lately, if you know what I mean..." "Ass hole!" "All right...nonetheless I greatly appreciate your participation, and...your little crumpet as well, so let's just stir things up a little bit. Uhh, Trish, perhaps you would ah wanna reach in." Trish rolls up her sleeves, roots around, removes two balls and holds them breastward. "Trish, I must say those orbs look very...very nice in your hands. So...so...William would you hold the microphone..." Vince cracks open the first one. "Representing Stone Cold Steve Austin will be the One Billy Gunn!" Oh, irony. Regal's making some choice faces here. "Representing Triple H here tonight will be the intercontinental champion Chris Jericho! There you have it, obviously that will not be a championship match - both individuals representing their respective parties, William thank you very much for your participation, and Trish...thank you as always." Regal sneaks in a quick kiss...both Stratus and McMahon show a brief glimmer of surprise, but quickly recover. "Thank you very much!" Stratus seems just a touch reluctant to give her arm to Regal for the walk back up the ramp...
Meanwhile, the Helmsleys react to what they've just seen. Triple H is worried that since he hates him, Jericho is sure to screw him - Stephanie, on the other hand, is busy expressing disbelief about Regal and Stratus.
And now, the WWF Burn of the Week, brought to you by Stacker 2! From RAW, Eddie Guerrero returned to join Saturn & Malenko to burn Chris Jericho!
HARDY BOYZ (with Lita...and SmackDown! is brought to you by "Saving Silverman," Chef Boyardee overstuffed ravioli, and SegaNet!) v. CHRIS BENOIT & PERRY SATURN (with Nipples) - half the Radicalz split at ringside, each man taking a separate path around the ring - the Hardyz look surrounded with only two opponents. As they slide under the bottom rope to enter the ring, Dean Malenko's music hits - naturally, the Hardyz look to the entrance...so Saturn and Benoit punk 'em out. Pier Four Brawl - Matt taken outside - hey, DEAN MALENKO actually *is* walking out. Two-on-one - into the ropes, double back elbow - DOUBLE OKIE BLOW on Jeff! Jeff manages a jawbreaker on Saturn, blocks a punch, right, slap, into the ropes is reversed, ducked, blind tag, Jeff slides under the foot, Matt with his soon-to-be patented sitout clothesline, five quick rights, swinging neckbreaker off the ropes, 1, 2, nope. Right hand, right, into the corner is reversed, boot up by Hardy to stop Saturn, second rope "guns" legdrop - Benoit steps over referee "Blind" Jack Doan and saves. Hardy with some threatening moves towards Benoit - hey, forgot the guy behind ya - EXPLODAH! Saturn tag to Benoit...Benoit falls into a hiptoss takeover (what, that suplex didn't HURT?), Hardy brings him up, Benoit with a knee, into the corner is reversed, gutshot by Hardy, Northern Lights suplex! Off the ropes...but Hardy picked the wrong ropes as Terri grabs the ankle. Saturn tries an apron clothesline but Hardy ducks...but he eats a big forearm from Benoit. Benoit with a snap suplex...for 2. Head to the buckle, tag to Saturn - Benoit holding him across his knee after the backbreaker - Saturn with a top-rope knee - OUCH. Leg is hooked...and Jeff has to break it up. Weider presents the Double Feature. Saturn has Matt on his shoulder - upside down into the turnbuckle. A quick look at Lita - and a quick look at Malenko. Hardy sent into the ropes, ducks the clothesline...but not the superkick. Tag to Benoit. Euro forearm, into the ropes, inverted atomic drop. Scoop...and a slam. Benoit quickly scales the ropes and drops the top-rope headbutt! Euro elbow - tag to Saturn - holding him for the open shot. Headbutt. Knee in the gut. Sat up on top...Saturn behind him but Matt elbows him back to the ring - on top - wicked MOONSAULT! Both men are down and nobody's moving - wait, there's a tag to Benoit and he stops his crawl with a running elbowdrop. Hardy with a big back elbow as Benoit picks him up - HOT TAG! Jeff dropkicks Benoit, headlock/clothesline/whatever takedown, ducks a clothesline from Saturn, flying headscissors for Saturn, spinning heel kick for Benoit, double leg takdown for Saturn, double legdrop between the legs - Benoit up from behind to stop the charge - kicks in the corner, into the opposite corner - Hardy climbs to the top - corkscrew moonsault for Benoit! Matt's back up - both Hardyz with the double flapjack on Saturn! Benoit whipped into Saturn...Poetry in Motion only hits Saturn when Benoit ducks - Matt with a gutshot and Twist of Fate on Benoit, then clotheslines Saturn (and himself) out of the ring. Jeff with the swantonbomb on Benoit! But Terri is trying to get into the ring and Doan misses the action to tend to her. This brings *Lita* over to mess up Terri...until Malenko applies a Very Special waistlock to get *her* off of Terri...Matt from behind with a forearm to Malenko - Saturn from behind on MATT - and into the barricade! There's Jeff with a barricade run clothesline to Saturn! Confused yet? Malenko runs Jeff into the ringpost...then deposits him in the ring for Benoit's Crippler crossface. Jeff has no choice but to submit. (6:20) They play Benoit's music again...guess that R4dicalz music wasn't available this week. Replays of the shenanigans
The Helmsleys are WALKING! But wait...their paths are DIVERGING!
XFL hype - 54 million watched last week....well, that's a pretty creative way to put it. Anyway, with three national games next week (NBC, UPN, TNN), look for some more creative math to come...
The Hardy Boyz eat ravioli
Kurt Angle works the PlayStation
Chyna inhales some Stacker 2 - and it goes straight to her chest
I wonder if we can get nothing but WWF-related ads in a row...
Hmm, UPN blew it by failing to mention the WWF (Doesn't "When Chefs Attack" count?) No, it doesn't.
By the way, you're watching this SmackDown! ad break on UPN!
What? Palm trees in South Carolina? Why, sure...outside the North Charleston Colesium!
Back in a dressing room, Trish Stratus tells William Regal not to EVER kiss her in public again - Stephanie barges in and Regal plays human shield. "Dear, excuse yourself, please - I think you better run along now." "I'll run along then." "There's no excuse for her, William." "Ta ta, Steph." "Listen, Regal - I don't know who you think you're fooling - you can wipe that ugly smile off of your face. You covering for my father's relationship is completely bogus. Everybody sees through it...especially me." "I cannot believe that you would accuse me of being a charlatan. I mean, I'm a gentleman. The passion and the love that I have for that buxom wench is beyond anything that I've ever felt before in my life - I mean, let's face facts, she fancies me, I fancy her, and what we do in our private lives is our own business, thank you very much." "Sounds pretty thin, William. I want you to consider one thing - you might want my father for an ally, but you certainly don't want me as your enemy. Consider yourself on notice." "Listen, please Stephanie - Mrs., Mrs. Helmsley - let's sit down and - we have a few things to discuss, please - please." "It's McMahon-Helmsley." "I'm sorry - please." "This better be good."
Meanwhile, Vince is WALKING! And it looks like he's picked the wrong path, as he bumps into Al Snow. He thanks him for the match Monday (rubbing his shoulder for effect) but it seems that their conversation about Mick Foley was interrupted. Vince says he has no intention of EVER discussing Mick Foley - besides, why isn't he heading to the ring for his match? Snow seems unaware he was booked in a match, but Vince shoos him off, saying his opponent is already making his way to the ring. We follow Vince to his dressing room - where Stephanie is simultaneously exiting as he enters. "Oh! Hi Dad...excuse me." Vince gives his daughter a look...then enters his dressing room.
Meanwhile, Billy Gunn is dressing for his match in the locker room...where, coincidentally, Triple H is just happening by. Gunn denies H's Hand of Friendship. H tries to butter him up - "you know, we were a hell of a team once - it wasn't all bad." H asks him for a small favour - all he needs him to do is lay down for Jericho and help him get his stipulations. "First of all, I'm not layin' down for anybody, and what was in the past IS in the past. See, I know how it works around here - you're out for yourself. So tonight, and starting tonight, I'm out for my own self." H says him he can't blame him for asking, right? With a pat on the back, H wishes him luck and takes off...or does he? Right after Gunn gives a "pfffft" for our benefit, H is back in from behind with a big fire extinguisher shot to the head that puts Gunn down. "You know how it works, huh? Well then you should know how it works...it's better to be with me than against me."
"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" ad
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!
Moments Ago - three paragraphs ago
Coming back to real time, Gunn holds his head - it hurts, it hurts
AL SNOW (with Head, already in the ring) v. ? - Well, McMahon must have been funnin' him about his opponent having already headed to the ring, because it's a confused Al Snow all alone on the inside (well, *and* referee "Blind" Chad Patton) when we return to the ring. Of course, maybe he *wasn't* kidding - maybe it just took extra long for RIKASHMONEY (with Themonsterhaku) to waddle out to ringside. Remember how nifty that Benoit/Snow match was on Monday? Well, this match was...different. Rikishi managed to sneak in most of his power moves (BELLY-to-belly, drumstick drop, RIKISHIKICK, and big butt drop) on the way to serving up a big ol' heapin' helpin' o' SQUASH. (1:25) Post-match, Haku debuts the Tongan Death Goozle (but commentators have no idea what it is - Cole: "Is that some kinda choke?") on Snow...until 'kishi pulls him off. Commentators beg Snow not to say "Mick Foley" around Mr. McMahon anymore.
JONATHAN COACHMAN stands in Mr. McMahon's office. Before we get to the questions. "Before you ask me the question, really too bad with what happened there with Al Snow, huh? Mick Foley's friend...Rikishi squashed him like a grape. What's your question?" Coach asks him if what happens next with Billy Gunn apparently taken out of the representatives match. Vince says he's not sure what he'll do, but he is the chairman of the company, and he doesn't appreciate being disrespected, even if it's by his son-in-law...then decides that Triple H himself will take on Chris Jericho tonight.
Edge & Christian are WALKING!
Meanwhile, the Dudley Boyz are WALKING!
Chyna's "If They Only Knew" ad
And now, Weider's Dynamic Gullibility Checker presents the WWF Slam of the Week! Edge & Christian snuck in with some chairs, and tho' the intended moves didn't work, the ultimate result was in line with expectations, as Undertaker & Kane were screwj'ed out of the tag team championships.
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ - the champs lay the belts on the apron and dare the challengers to cross the line - and here we go with the slugfest to open. Into the ropes, both Dudleyz knock 'em down - Edge & Christian depart. D-Von heads for the corner as Buh Buh Ray brings Christian in the hard way. Right cross. Into the ropes, biiiiig back body drop. "Tay bull!" Another right by Buh Buh Ray Dudley. Hairpull lift...and drop. 1, 2, Christian gets a shoulder up. Holding him for the open shot off the tag. Into the ropes, clothesline, press - 1, 2, no. Edge manages a blind tag before D-Von can put him in the ropes again, but Dudley ducks the crossbody and Edge ends up taking the hit from his partner! D-Von with a double clothesline, and Christian rolls out. Crowd wants...something or other. Right by Dudley, into the corner, follow lariat. Christian in - HE eats a clothesline. Up to the second rope for a Ten Punch Count Along...but after three, Christian pulls him off with a hot shot - Edge hits a high heel kick as well - both men are down. Edge up first - stomp, right, picks him up, right, standing dropkick (nice) for 2. Edge covers again...and gets 2 again. Edge tries one more press...and gets 2. Well, can't fault him for TRYING. Head to the buckle, tag to Christian. Dudley put into the ropes, buries the gutshot, side Russian legsweep, hooks the leg, Buh Buh Ray breaks it up at 2. Illegal switch as Edge pounces on him - that clap in the air will probably suffice for referee "Blind" Mike Chioda, though. Straight right, D-Von tries to fire back, Edge with a knee, put in the corner, Dudley gets a boot up. Edge ducks a clothesline and unleashes another heel kick. Tag to Christian. In the corner, Christian sits him up top, right hand, tag to Edge, is it the stackplex? D-Von tries to punch Christian off of him...and now he *is* staggered, and on Edge's shoulders that's probably a bad idea - D-Von with a top rope clothesline on the stack!! Three men down...D-Von crawling...and he makes the tag! Block, right, left, right, into the ropes, sidewalk slam - Christian gets a huge hiptoss - Edge gets a stungun - Buh Buh Bomb for Christian, taking him outside...scoop slam for Edge - "What are you doing?" spot. Testify dance, D-Von...Christian runs at them and falls in a double flapjack. Christian tries to pull himself up in a corner - D-Von whips Buh Buh Ray into a running splash Christian - but Buh Buh Ray turns around to take an Edge spear! D-Von with the neckrbeaker on Edge...Christian tries a clothesline, but D-Von ducks it - but on the way back, it's a double clothesline and ALL four men are down. Cole reminds us Edge and Buh Buh Ray are legal, oddly enough. Edge trying to scale the ropes..Buh Buh Ray meets him with a right, now HE is climbing the ropes - SUPERPLEX!! Christian is back up - and surprising Buh Buh Ray with the Tomokaze! D-Von clotheslines Christian (AND himself) over the top rope to the floor - aw, shit, the FUN BROTHERS are out to Kane's pyro and music to muck up this match. Aren't *I* the sucker for calling this match. Edge with a cover - 1, 2, Taker pulls him off. Chioda calls for the bell (DQ 7:03) as Taker chokeslams Edge. D-Von is back in and he ain't too happy. "What the hell are you doing?" Now BOTH Dudleyz are putting fingers in Taker's face. Taker regards his situation...then spits some chaw juice on D-Von. They both go at him - Kane in the ring and it's a Pier Four brawl. Buh Buh Ray gets a chokeslam from the Taker...and D-Von takes one from Kane. Limp Bizkit plays, and Kane sets the turnbuckles alight. I wonder what this does to the tag team picture? WHOA Kane makes the "I want da belt" hand motion!
"Austin vs. McMahon" is this month's presentation on the WWF Fanatic Series - break out the spare change!
You're watching UPN!
When we come back, Edge & Christian have gone whining to McMahon. "I saw it - I gotta tell you - you know, this may be a little disconcerting for ya, but that 'wassup' spot with the Dudleyz really cracks me up." No, no, about the outside interference. McMahon says he'll make it right - what if they co-host the entire Heat hour this Sunday? Then, on Monday, they can compete against Undertaker & Kane. "Aw, come on..." But McMahon says the winner will get a tag team title shot at No Way Out. Edge & Christian break into smiles - they're happy with that. Shockingly, McMahon does not find an opportunity to drop a quick "intheinterestsoffairness" into his speech.
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: RAVEN (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. KOOL MOE DEE (with Molly Holly) - we can only ponder the significance of the stuffed Frankenstein's monster that always seems to be riding in Raven's shopping cart o' plundah. Sounds like they're going to call her "The Ninja" until they unmask her. Raven starts with the fire extinguisher before Hardcore Holly can even hit the ring - Raven swings the chair, but ends up bouncing off the top rope and taking HIMSELF out - Holly covers - but only gets 2. Into the ropes, clothesline gets 2. Weider Double Feature of Raven chairing himself. Best Crotchkick in the Business. Raven picks up a garbage can - Holly dropkicks the can, drops an elbow, and gets 2. Raven counters with a garbage can lid swing. WHACK. Raven has an...ironing board across the back. Choking him with a...toy brontosaurus? Chair in position - into the ropes, drop toehole into the chair. The champ's in charge...but now he's crawling towards Molly and making...a pass? He should look behind him - a trashcan lid in each hand, Holly windmills away. THE NINJA is stalking at ringside, but Molly sees her and leaps off the steps with a clothesline. Holly with the Hollycaust (sorta) - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new hardcore champion. (2:27) Molly is trying to demask the Ninja, but Raven rolls out and pulls her off. Hardcore with a baseball slide to break Raven's grip - put back in the ring...Molly watching, and missing the Ninja swinging the garbage can lid to the back of her head. Hardcore punching away on Raven in the ring - the Ninja up from behind with her breakaway 2x4 - WHACK - Raven covers and referee "Blind" Jim Korderas dutifully counts - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we just hit the reset button. (0:45) Sure looks like Tori with lifts....The Ninja is ready to break ANOTHER board on Molly but Raven grabs her in a waistlock and shuffles her backstage. Replay of the stick shot...and the second pin.
In the APA offices, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Jacqueline and the Kat are playing cards - strip poker, looks like. Kat says their match is up and they gotta go....Faarooq says just a couple hands - Bradshaw says he'd like to get a couple hands...and that's cut off when Kat says "Show me wha'cha got." Bradshaw starts to pull off his pants. Jacqueline: "The cards." "Pair o' threes - GIT NEKKID!" Kat has two pair. Faarooq holds out hope that Jackie lost - but nope. "Ha! Looks like I gotta LOSE my pants." "Just the shirt!" "PLEASE - just the shirt." Bradshaw wants to play another hand, but it's time to go. Kat: "We can PLAY later!"
Triple H shills Weider Dynamic Spot Advertisement
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!
Let Us Take You Back to RAW where the Right to Nudity was denied their right to freely express herself by the Right to Censor...but at least she got a big ol' liplock on Steven Richards out of it. Not that that'd be much of a consolation for the Kat...
Earlier Tonight, KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY tried to pin down Steven Richards. "Steven, last Monday on RAW: vulgarity? Committing an act of sexuality with a scantily-clad woman?" "Who are you to stand there and twist the truth and accuse me of *anything?* I am a man just like you, and I make mistakes, but I have the strength never to make those mistakes again. But when the Kat thrust her slimy, disgusting tongue down my throat, she *violated* me! She is sending the most vile and perverse message that the Right to Censor has ever come across! Your body's a temple, not a brothel - and yes, we come into this world naked, but we also, more importantly, come into this world innocent, and how can we maintain the innocence of the world when people like the Kat are running around trying to take their clothes off? The Right to Censor will make sure the Right to Nudity never comes to pass. There is a side to us you have never seen - our convictions run deep, and nothing will stop us from protecting the innocence of the world from the evils of the WWF, or its demon spawn, the XFL."
RIGHT TO CENSOR (already in the ring) v. ACOLYTES & JACQUELINE & ERNEST MILLER (already in the ring) - Kat is blowing Richards kisses prior to the match - looks like Val Venis has the night off. Buchanan and Faarooq start - Faaroq ducks, kick, right, right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, foot up by Buchanan, clothesline puts him down. Tag to Goodfather, into the ropes, gutshot by Buchanan, kick off the ropes by Goodfather. Head to the buckle, into the opposite corner, elbow up by Faarooq, gutshot, tag to Bradshaw, open shot, right, into the ropes, double shoulderblock, Bradshaw drops the elbow for 2. Putting him in position for the gutwrench - Richards tries to come in and hit a Stevenkick, but Bradshaw brushes it away and goes for Richards...who slides outside - Bradshaw turns back to eat a lariat from the Goodfather. Right hand. Right, into the opposite corner, reversed by Bradshaw, follow lariat, death suplex. Right hand by Bradshaw, Ivory sneaks in a blind tag - shoulderblock by Goodfather - Bradshaw pops back up and they trade blows until referee "Blind" Teddy Long gets them separated and tells Bradshaw that Ivory is the legal man now...so to speak. Ivory, of course, wants the Kat. Bradshaw motions to Kat - crowd digs it - so he tags...Jacqueline. Ivory makes a face of worry - Jackie with a right, right, into the ropes, reversal, Richards grabs the ankle to trip her up. Ivory gets to stomping, into the corner, feet up by Jackie, though. Armdrag takeover, hiplock takeover, suplex, 2. Jackie has her in position for a piledriver (!) - this brings in Richards - Jacqueline ducks the attempt and Richards runs past - into the Hades clothesline from Bradshaw. Now the corners empty and it's a Pier Six Brawl - Kat is content to hop up and down and show off her ass on the apron. Buchanan takes a big back elbow from Bradshaw, but he manages to turn it around, dumping Bradshaw on the floor. Now he's out after her - the ring is clear of all but the ladies. Jackie tags in the Kat, who hits a DDT! Sort of. Ivory put in the corner...looks like it's time for the broncobuster - the really, really slow broncobuster. Long reluctantly tells her that there's an illegal move and she needs to step off...and Ivory hits a double leg, puts both feet up on the second rope in the corner, and gets the fall. Right to Censor *always* win! (4:01)
Triple H and his wife - are - WALKING!
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho is - you guessed it
Here's a look at WWF New York
Here's a look at the cover of Sports Illustrated, which features the XFL
Let's Take a Special Video Look at the XFL - or as I like to call it, FUHFUHWID
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. They drop the "54 million" number once again. This weekend, Lawler will work with Matt Vasgersian...and Jim Ross will work with Jesse Ventura. Lawler says they couldn't warm up to each other if they were cremated together, so that'll be something to watch.
CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO v. THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Can't Act & Weider presents No Way Out!) in (I'm assuming it's still) a nontitle match - "Hunter, Hunter, Hunter...I am so disappointed in you that you didn't have the confidence in me to represent you in this match tonight. But, instead of being your personal representative, I guess I'll just have to settle for being your personal ass-kicker. And it's only apropos that this match came about as the result of a lottery, because there's a lot of similarities between a lottery and your wife, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. I mean, they've both almost been played by everyone, they both only cost a dollar to try...and while, with the lottery, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, with Stephanie you ALWAYS get lucky!" H tries to get the jump on Jericho, but they're trading blows instead - now H with the knee, knee, into the ropes, Jericho ducks, and hits the flying jalapeno. Right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, into the opposite corner, H gets the boot up - runs at Jericho, double leg by Jericho, going for the Walls...but H punches him and kicks him away. Gutshot, going for the Pedigree, but Jericho dumps him over the top to the floor! Jericho with a springboard shoulderblock - now they're BOTH on the floor. Right by Jericho, whip into the steps is reversed, but Jericho leaps on top of the steps - then flies off with the forearm smash! Right, into the ring, Jericho climbing up top...missile dropkick is swatted away by Triple H! H with a running clothesline. Jericho put in the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, choke for 4. Another choke for 4 - referee "Blind" Tim White pulling Helmsley off of him. Vertical suplex gets 2. Choke on the second rope. Stephanie sneaks in a choke of her own...but Jericho catches the slap, pulls her up by the hair (!), but before he can do anything, H forearms him in the back. Jericho drops Stephanie, who tumbles to the floor. H checks on his wife - then whips Jericho into the ropes, head down, kick by Jericho, right, right, H into the ropes, but he hits the facebuster. Jericho into the ropes, H with the high knee. Weider Double Feature of Stephanie's fall as H gets 2. H mounting him and punching away. Pulling Jericho up - and punching him down. Crowd chants "Y2J." H on the second rope - Jericho dropkicks up to him, then climbs up to hit a Frankensteiner! Jericho with a right, right, into the ropes, reversal, Jericho ducks, spinning heel kick, off the ropes with a clothesline, another clothesline, chop, into the ropes, H reverses, but Jericho spears into a rollup - for 2! Kick in the gut, whip into the corner is reversed, Jericho puts up an elbow - Jericho on top - flying elbow from the top - leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO!! Jericho argues the count with White, then runs at H - who ducks, then hits the hangman's neckbreaker. Both men are down. Whip into the corner is reversed - Jericho going for the bulldog, H tries the clothesline, neither man hits - Jericho *does* hit the bulldog on the next pass off the ropes. EDDIE GUERRERO attempting to sneak out, but Jericho knocks him off the apron - going for the Lionsault, BUT landing on the knees. Gutshot by Triple H - Pedigree! 1, 2, 3. (6:18) Guerrero in the ring now...and standing over Jericho with a finger in the face and the mouth running....but *now* the glass breaks, the music hits and STEP OFF walks to the ring with a beer in each hand. Austin looks like he's gonna offer him a beer! Huh? Guerrero says *he'll* take the beer. Austin ignores this, gives him a hand to talk to and turns back to Triple H. Guerrero puts a hand on Austin - he wants something for nothing, dammit! Austin starts to offer him the beer, but you know the rest. KICK WHAM STUNNER hit the music! H starts to leave, but Austin hooks his arm and pulls him back. He *really* wants him to have the beer, apparently. Now Jericho is back in - double leg on Triple H, Walls of Jericho! Austin drops down and adds a little insult to injury. But he leaves the beer behind. Did I see Triple H tap out? White gets Jericho to break the hold - Austin is back, positioning the beer can...then stepping on it, squirting him with beer. Then, Austin pours the other beer on H and chucks the can at him. That doesn't count? Oh well. Austin gets two more beers...and pours THEM on Triple H. Hey, throw me some more beer, I ain't drunk none yet!
XFL hype - again - HE HATE ADS
Kurt Angle shills "SmackDown! 2: Know Your Role" again
Our hosts shill tomorrow's episode of "Gary & Mike"
Vince talks to some XFL guy on the phone, or something, talking time away from the call to tell Jonathan Coachman he's made a decision about how to get the stipulations decided. There'll be ANOTHER representative match attempted Monday on RAW, and he'll hand pick the reps himself. Representing Austin will be Rikishi, and representing Triple H will be the Rock.
Meanwhile in the locker room, Kurt Angle has misplaced....something. Essa Rios happens by - Angle asks him if he's seen his brand new "You Lack Intensity" T-shirt. Rios says something in Spanish? "Is that alcohol I smell on your breath. Oh my God, did you steal my T-shirt and sell it to buy tequila? Easy, easy, listen - I know it's in your blood, I know it's what you do, you're a thirsty man, whatever. I'll tell you what - could you go to the T-shirt stand - T-SHIRT STAND - and buy me a new 'You Lack Intensity' T-shirt. And I'll tell you what, if you're back in five minutes, I'll let ya keep the change to buy some tacos, you like tacos, right?" Rios slaps the money out of his hand and says some more Spanish - I hit the SAP button to see if he'd speak English on that channel, but no. "What are you talking about?" "I want YOU in the ring!" And off he stalks. "You want *me* in the ring? Now I KNOW you've been drining."
Meanwhile, Kevin Kelly stands in the towering presence of the Rock. His reaction to Mr. McMahon's decision? "You know Big Show, ever since you've come back to the WWF, you've changed. You've become a focused, unrelenting, unstoppable monster. But the one thing that hasn't hanged, but the one thing that will never WILL NEVER change, is you don't mess with the Rock! And yeah, Big Show, you attacked the Rock last Monday on RAW, you took the Rock out, and as a result of that, you got some good news, and you got some bad news. And the good news is that you've got your shot tonight to go one on one with the Great One - go on to No Way Out, face Kurt Angle for the WWF title, but the bad news, Big Show - is that just ain't gonna *happen*. 'Cause you see, Big Show, tonight, it's about No Way Out, and there is no way that the Rock isn't gonna walk outta North Charleston, still going on to face Kurt Angle, there's no way that the Rock isn't gonna walk out of this place tonight, going on to face Kurt Angle at No Way Out, and there is no way that the Rock isn't gonna face Kurt Angle at No Way Out, beat Kurt Angle, become WWF Champion, and go ON to WrestleMania! .... But, Big Show, more importantly than that, for you tonight, there is no way that you're gonna stop the Rock from whippin' your big candyass all night long! IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLALALALALALALALAOOOOOOOOW - what THE ROCK - is cookin'!"
Meanwhile, the Big Show is WALKING! What the heck did he do with his facial hair?
Chyna shills Stacker 2 - again
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN! Hey, get Foley OUTTA that bumper
KING KURT ANGLE is out - I guess he'll be providing guest commentary for our main event. This Sunday on Heat - Kurt Angle vs. Essa Rios! You heard me right - Essa Rios! It'll be nontitle, though - fear not.
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLLL DOT COM - Show makes sure we all see his new shoulder tattoo - it's a big pussycat! If you're interested, Rock will be on the Tonight show *tomorrow,* then at the LA Colesium Saturday for the Xtreme/Enforcers game to provide an XFL ratings boost. Rock and Angle share a glare. Show decides to get him some stare action as well. Too bad Rock's stopped looking and has a focus within the ring- right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock ducks the clothesline, right, right, right, off the ropes...Show catches him in a powerslam. Show off the ropes...big elbowdrop misses. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, Show outside...Rock follows. Head to the STEEL steps. Right, right, into the barricade is reversed and Rock hits hard. Angle dismisses Rock's warning that he'll take his title and reminds us that HE was the one who won the title off of Rock in the first place. Show drops Rock on the barricade. Everybody's back in, now. Well it's a big bearhug. Rock fights it...but Show shows resolve. Rock is fading fast...referee "Blind" Earl Hebner checks the arm - arm falls once, arm falls twice - I have a sneaky suspicion it won't fall the third time - whoa, I'm PSYCHIC. Right hand by the Rock, breaking the bearhug, right, right, right, Show fires back with a right of his own. There's the Final Cut! 1, 2, foot on the rope! Angle almost appears relieved that Rock managed to save himself. Show and Hebner have a discussion, but nothing's decided. Show puts Rock into the corner...hard. Open-handed slap by Show. Into the opposite corner once again. Show is winding up...but Rock avoids the elbow in the corner - lookit Rock go! Right, right, right, right! Off the ropes with a clothesline - still on his feet - a second clothesline - no - Rock leaves his feet on the next clothesline and Show DOES go down. Rock's laying in wait...Show slowly staggers to his feet - Rock going for the Rock Bottom...Show's all "uh uh" and shoves him over the top rope to the floor. Show is out after him as Weider presents the Double Feature. Rock meets the STEEL steps - looks like the steps won that exchange. "I know what's next now!" Show takes the tabletop off. "What the heck are you doing?" Apparently, Angle doesn't think Show has integrity. He called him a big pile of "bowel crap!" Show can't handle THAT kind of language, pulls Angle out - gutshot, forearm, forearm, forearm, and over the barricade into the crowd. Rock comes back - right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT, Show still on his feet. Rock says "didn't you see me spit in my hand?" and does it again. Show STILL up - Rock's all "dammit, I SPIT IN MY FIST - GO DOWN ALREADY" - and the *third* spit punch *does* indeed put Show off his feet...and through the commentary table. But Rock is down as well - that took a lot (of saliva) out of him. Weider Double Feature of the deadly third spit punch. I would give Earl Hebner a hundred dollars to get his ass back in the ring and count out both men....but that's just me. Amazingly, Rock is up first...but Show has him in the choke! Show walks him around the ring - scooped up - and pressed over the top rope back into the ring. Show raises both arms in triumph - then Diesels his way back into the ring. Show grabs him...but Rock uppernuts him. God only knows what Hebner was checking out at the time, but it definitely wasn't in the ring. Rock with a gutshot...and DDT! Is Rock gonna hit the most electrifying move in sports entertainment? People's Elbow HITS! 1, 2, SHOW KICKS OUT!!! Cole: "No one has *ever* kicked out of the People's Elbow!" Has Cole ever considered writing a book about wrestling? Show is up first! Motioning for it! Will he? Rock is in the choke - ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM! Only one problem...while Rock was going up, his leg clipped Hebner, thereby knocking him out for a million years. Thus, there's no count as Show hooks the leg. Show tries to wake Hebner - meanwhile, *Angle* is back in...and he's got a chair - WHACK - WHACK! Show to his knees. He tries to drop Rock for good measure, but Rock ducks the chairshot and hits (wait for it) a right. Poised for the Show to turn around...Rock Bottom on the chair! Leg is hooked - Hebner slowly, slowly over...1...2....3! (9:22) Replay of Angle's massive chairshot on the Show - miss on the Rock - Rock's uranage onto a STEEL chair - and coming back to real time, it appears that the Show is a sore lose - ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM on Angle - ahhhhhhTHESECONDCHOKESLAAAAAAM on the Rock! Play *his* music! Well he's the Big Show! And he's a BAD MAN! (No, that's Rikishi.) Aw, dammit...