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I GET LETTERS: Dartmouth Dan Doomsday defines irony thusly: From my US News and World Report:

"A bichon frise became the first of its breed named top dog at the Westminster Kennel Club show. *J.R.*, who posed in the trophy bowl, likes to chew belts and wallets in his spare time."

Looks like USA still has "J.R." for at least *one* Monday night out of the year, huh?

A burning issue bubbles up! Chris Kehoe: Why do the lyrics to Steve Austin's entrance music sound like "My pancakes are living inside ya, your pancakes are on the fire?"

Thanks to Michael Pettit, I actually have the answer. Grabbed off an unofficial Disturbed site whose URL I won't mention here so nobody thinks about suing them (But what if they sue SportsLine?) don't worry, SportsLine doesn't have any money...HERE are those lyrics you've been looking for...ONCE AND FOR ALL

*Glass Shatters*

Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside you, don't run away, bring it on straight to me!
Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside don't run away, bring it on straight to me!
Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
Step up! Cause you're the next one in line for the kill. You don't believe me but I'm betting that you will.
Step up! I'll let you live a little bit with the pain that I bring. You know it's only the beginning.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside you, something and someone to hide you.
I'm breaking the living inside, don't run away, bring it on straight to me!

Hmm, that's about three times as long as it needs to be. Oh well, we're nothing if not thorough! The Rick ain't got NOTHIN' on me!

FLASHBACK OF THE WEEK: Suggested by Laurent Castellucci, from the 4 January SmackDown! recap:

And now STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT emerges in the Time Tunnel...then stops and looks back. She goes out to the bottom of the aisle and keeps looking around. Apparently, Austin stopped by the table and told them to cue his music because it starts up - and STEP OFF is out....approaching Stephanie - removes his hat - grabs the back of her head and rolls her into the ring. God, Stephanie is PAINFUL to watch. "I warned your stupid (beep) last Monday night...I told ya straight to your face that I was not gonna play your stupid little games. Tonight, you will learn to listen to Stone Cold Steve Aust---" But "No Chance in Hell" interrupts him...and BILLIONAIRE VINCE makes his way out. He ain't smilin'. This'll either get much, MUCH better...or TEN TIMES WORSE. Vince and Austin have a staredown...Vince makes his way over to his daughter...and shields her from Austin. "Who the hell do you think you are? I'll tell you who you are. I'll tell you who you've become. You've become a certifiable, rant-raving LUNATIC - lookit yourself! And why? Why, because of your unadulterated OBSESSION of becoming the WWF Champion! And lemme get this straight - just because my daughter Stephanie got a little carried away Monday night - just because she thwarted your effort in once again becoming WWF Champion - just because of THAT, you want to do bodily harm to my daughter?" Austin nods. "Because of THAT, you want to do bodily harm to Daddy's Little Girl? Like hell you will, Austin. You won't touch her, you won't - you won't harm a hair on her head. And I'll tell ya why. Because I can give you what you want. I can give you what you want, Austin, right here...tonight. I can erase the record book, Austin - that loss to Regal Monday night *never happened.* See, Regal was disqualified, okay? Which means Stone Cold advanced. Which means that, if we come to terms, Austin, right here In This Very Ring tonight...then there will be a Triple Threat match in which you, Kane and Undertaker will in fact compete. You'll take poor William Regal's place, Austin. Now let me remind you: if you're victorious tonight in the triple threat, that means on Monday night, live on RAW, it's Austin for the WWF Championship in the match you want. That's what I can do for you, Stone Cold. Now then, this is what you can do for me. You see, all I'm asking is, if you accept this proposal, don't touch my daughter. You don't harm my daughter in any capacity whatsoever. Now as you're pondering this, Austin, let me just say this: you're back in the race for the WWF title if you accept. If you don't accept, Austin, I swear to you...the hell I put you through before will seem like kindergarten compared to the hell I'll put you through now. You better damn well remember who I am, Austin." "I know exactly who you are - you are a 100% pure jackass! You're forcin' Stone Cold Steve Austin to make one hell of a decision right here tonight - a shot at the WWF title...or revenge with the witch. Well then I made up my mind...I will............I will compete here tonight. And I won't harm Daddy's Little Girl...but you know what, Vince? You didn't say a damn thing about Daddy..." KICK WHAM STUNNER #50

Wonder what Vince thanks of that Stunner on Stephanie on Monday...or the writers, for that matter.

KINGS UPDATE: 35-17, 1.5 behind Portland - no trades for the Kings

Are you as relieved as I am that this is the last Thursday in UPN's Extreme February?

Speaking of UPN Thursday, this *is*

One TV-PG-DLV World Leader Attitude - WWF!

Close captioned logo/Opening Credits

Epileptics avert your eyes during the PYRO - it's the last big show before the big pay-per-view - it's 22.2.1 on UPN and tonight's show comes to you from the sold out Kemper Arena in Kansas City, MO (taped 20.2) and transmitido en espanol's *gotta* be WWF SMACKDOWN!

TONIGHT: Team ECK reunites to challenge Team KRU when Kurt Angle, Christian and Edge take on Kane, the Rock, and the Undertaker!

TONIGHT: Jim Ross presides over a very special interview segment when *both* Stone Cold Steve Austin and Triple H share the same ring!

But first...

KING KURT ANGLE comes to the ring (WITH his pyro) to share a few words with us. "I would like to take a page from my good friends Edge & Christian - and take a moment to pose with my WWF title. Now I know what you're thinking... ["Angle sux!"] ...that's not what you're thinking. Now I know what you're thinking...'duh, grab your camera, honey - that there picture is gonna be worth sumthin'! The last time Kurt Angle stands in the ring on SmackDown! the WWF Champeen. That's gonna be a genuine collector's item.' Well sorry to disappoint you, but I think not. You people are gonna have to make your money some other way. Delivering newspapers, mowing lawns, selling blood...or however way you people earn your income. Now I said this once and I'll say it again - Rock, this Sunday at No Way Out, I'm beating the so-called odds and I'm keeping my WWF title. Now, Rock, you seem to think differently. According to you, the countdown is on. Well thank you, Casey Kasem, but I think not. Tick tock...tick tock...well I don't say this very often, but tick tock...tick tock my (beep). ["Rock E!"] And speaking of Casey Kasem, guess what hit the music stores this week. WWF: the Music [Volume 5] - and surprise, surprise: look whose gigantic mug is on the cover. The Rock. Now the Rock has a new song on this album. A song called..."Pie." Let's take a listen, shall we?" Can they air this on a TV-PG show? Well, yeah - 'cause God only knows what they're talking about... We watch about a minute of excerpts on the OvalTron. "What the f....reakin' heck was that?! So what you're saying here was, actually people who actually enjoy that? So what you're saying is...that is the man that you'd like to see your next WWF Champion. Well of course, that's what people in this town would want - I mean, this is the very town that worships George Brett...a well known cheater and hemmorhoid sufferer!" WHOA! "Now that song, as well as the man who sung it, is a disgrace. I mean, you know what he was talking about when he was singing about pie, don'cha? Well he obviously wasn't talking about a baking pan and flour - I can assure you of that! Now you people wanna see, maybe you wanna hear a real song? A song - a song that you can actually play at weddings, parties and bar mitzvahs - MY song - a song that I consider to be one of my greatest hits." Angle's song plays as lots of clips of Angle taking it to the Rock plays behind it. Surprisingly, there are *no* shots of Del Wilkes, the Patriot. Crowd chants "Rock E." "Now Rock...what it comes down to is - you know, I'm sorry. That was too good, can we play it again?" Cole: "Stop the pain!" Crowd chants "You suck" where Christian & Edge normally sing "Angle." Very creative. "DAMN that was good music. Now Rock...what it comes down to is this. You say you're takin' my WWF title...I say I'm KEEPIN' my WWF title. Obviously, we're at an impasse. (Look it up, people.) Now Rock...time for talk is over. From here on in, I'm letting my actions speak the words, and can sing about pie all you want to, because after tonight...and especially after this Sunday night at No Way Out, you'll be singing another tune: the 'I Just Got My Brahma Bull Butt Beat By the Better Man Blues.' And that, Great One, is true." He starts to leave...but returns to the centre of the ring. "IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLALALALALALALALALA....what the cookin'." Crowd returns to singing "You Suck" to Angle's music - this could RUIN him.

WOW! Stone Cold Steve Austin is WALKING!

The XFL cheerleaders shill Stacker 2...I think

When we come back, the unblinking eye of the WWF camera has caught an arriving limousine...but this isn't the Kemper Arena - at least, there aren't any horses backstage as far as our commentators know...perhaps we'll find out later...

Meanwhile, Stone Cold Steve Austin...WOW! MAKES COFFEE!

Let Us Take You Back to Monday where ol' Stone Cold Steve Austin thought he'd come out here and give Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley a little present from the bottom of his heart

To the Helmsley's dressing room for a reaction from Our Favourite Couple. Triple H promises that Austin will pay for what he did to Stephanie on Monday. Stephanie tries to get him to promise not to lay a hand on Austin - Helmsley says he doesn't know what he'll do, but if he *does* suffer a six month suspension, he'll be sure that *this* time he'll take out Austin with him...not for a year...but forever.

JEFF HARDY (with Lita...and Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. RIKASHMONEY (with a WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) - After watching the RAW clips on the OvalTron, Lita gives a "isn't Matt a sexy devil" look. That six-man main event's no DQ. By the way. Let's get to this one already. Lockup, 'kishi powers Hardy to the corner, but Hardy punches out - right, right, right, right, right, 'kishi shoves him down - throat shot - overhand right, stomp, stomp. Kat challenges Ivory for the strap tonight. Into the ropes, Hardy ducks, sunset flip attempt - oh no - SQUASH *misses* when Hardy ducks out. Leapfrog, seated dropkick off the ropes by Hardy - off the ropes with a stylin' somersault legdrop...but only gets 2. THE SHIRT'S OFF SQUEEEEEAL - Hardy up top...but Rikishi catches him in a waistlock as he flies off. Hardy peppers him with rights but Rikishi wrenches in the bearhug...then punctuates it with a BELLY-to-belly suplex. Hardy pulls himself up but 'kishi is still on him - right, right, right, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, referee "Blind" Jack Doan gets him out of the corner. Pulling him to his feet - into the opposite corner, Hardy ducks the clothesline, right, right, right, right, off the ropes into a KO right from the Big Bad Man. 'kishi pulling him back up by the hair...big headbutt! Into the corner - and laying in the smack talk. And ANOTHER headbutt! Into the opposite corner - Hardy no-hands it up the ropes...but 'kishi makes sure he isn't around when he tries the corkscrew moonsault. Samoan Drop! 'kishi warms it up...and hits the FAT ASS SPLASH on Hardy. RIKISHIKICK! DRUMSTICK DROP! Dragging him to the corner...I think he's got one big power move left in him. BAN - ZAI - DRAWWWWWWWP. You can count to a hundred, but three will suffice. The Bad Man gets the duke. (3:50) Lita is in to check on Hardy, and Rikishi must have eyes in the back of his head. He's almost through the ropes when a sinister smile creeps over his face...and he turns back. He's not gonna do it again!? Lita climbs the opposite turnbuckle to ready a defense. Man, does Rikishi have a tingling spider sense? (Maybe he saw it on the OvalTron.) My God, he's the SMARTEST WRESTLER ALIVE! Anyway, the reason I *say* all this, because from his own perch he yanks on the top rope, sending vibrations all the way across the entire ring, causing Lita to crotch herself...then fall into the corner. 'kishi is quickly over for the OHHHHHHH STINKFACE. MATT HARDY is out but a bit too late...Rikishi gets punched out of the ring, but the damage is done. Replay of everything we've seen. Matt and Lita are *finally* checking on Jeff.

Another look at the limo - the location has been identified as an annex, which happens to be hosting a farm show. But WHO? WHO is in the limousine? Maybe *next* half hour we'll find out.

By the way, you're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!

Our commentators promote "Shocking Police Videos," airing tomorrow on UPN.

In the hallway, William Regal is complimenting Trish Stratus' outfit, and she's...nonplussed about it. Kurt Angle arrives and tells Trish Stratus that, while it's been great having her in his corner, he doesn't want to have any excuses for the Rock after he defeats him Sunday, so....he's letting her go. Instead of Stratus reacting, Regal pipes up and says how splendid it is that now she can accompany *him* on a permanent basis! Stratus, again, seems less than thrilled at the prospect. "And you can start this evening by accompanying me to the ring in my match against that miscreant Test." "Well, aboot that, I um...I have another commitment, so...excuse me." Angle: "Wow, she really likes you." Regal: "I know."

Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. The graphic don't lie: the tag team titles are on the line in a Triple Threat tag match pitting Edge & Christian and Undertaker & Kane against the Champion Dudley Boyz!

Let Us Take You Back to Monday, where Edge & Christian's Plan B was executed without flaw

KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY stands with the Dudley Boyz. Buh Buh Ray: "Last week, Vince McMahon announced a triple threat match for the tag team titles at No Way Out, and now earlier tonight he decided to make that a tag team table match. Let me say that just a little bit slower: tag team table match. Edge, Christian, Undertaker, Kane, what did you do to make Vince McMahon so mad that he would put you in a table match against the Dudley Boyz? Oh, sure, Edge & Christian, the five time former tag team champions, and so TOTALLY awesome chair swingin' freaks - let's face it, it ain't the first time that these boys have tasted wood. Undertaker, Kane, the seven foot monsters, the epitome of the word destruction. Undertaker, there have been many a times when you've stood out in that ring and said that that is your yard. Well I got news for you: the Dudley Boyz have just moved in. So in Las Vegas, all four of you need to bring all your chips to the table, because we're playing one hand! And one hand only. And at No Way Out, it'll be the Dudley Boyz that take all." "Enough said...testify."

JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Jim Ross - it's not his idea to moderate an Austin/Triple H interview. He wants it known that this is a Vince McMahon brainstorm. He feels the main event will be in serious jeopardy once Austin and Triple H look each other in the eye...

To the limousine, where Trish Stratus has appeared alongside and shown off her cleavage for our well as whoever's waiting in the limo. "Well hello, mister - it's not nice to keep me waiting, sweetie, you know I've been waiting for this all night...and speaking of all night, move over." The door closes...

"Please leave the danger to us" PSA

The Hardyz and Lita eat Chef Boyardee - and the Chef LIKES it

Kurt Angle shills "SmackDown! 2"

Triple H shills Weider Dynamic Muscle Builder

I'm not sure how you could forget during *this* ad break, but you're watching "WWF SmackDown!" on UPN - say, in this bumper...who's that guy next to X-Pac that looks just like the Road Dogg?

When we return, it appears that the limousine windows are all fogged up. Apparently, there are some sounds coming from the limo...or were? Perhaps they were TV-PG'd for our benefit

RAVEN (with WWF SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, WWF: The Music [Volume 5 - buy it at Best Buy] and Chef Boyardee Overstuff Ravioli) takes third headset to scope out the next match...

HARDCORE CHAOS: CRASH v. PERRY (with Terri) starts - first pinfall, we are told, determines a #1 Contender to take on Raven at No Way Out. Three seconds after the first swing of a sign, MR. PARTY TIME is next. Back to the ring where Saturn hits a - whoa - swinging fishermanbuster and bridge? Awesome - 1, 2, Crash kicks out. Blackman starts trading blows with Saturn as K-KWIK comes out. Trashcan lid to the head by Blackman - discus swing - K-Kwik brawling with Crash. KOOL MOE DEE is next - quickly followed by WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - isn't his match with Raven still going on? Hardcore Holly with an electric chair on Saturn. Crash dives off the top to the floor - but Show catches him...then drops him throat first on the barricade. Holly with a trashcan lid - Blackman with a trashcan - Show pulls them both out by an ankle and double clotheslines them. He's in the ring now - Saturn shoved away. Kwik has a trashcan - Show punches the can to take Kwik down. Blackman has the nunchaku and Holly has his pinwheel trashcan lids...Show taken down to one knee - Blackman with the sign of the chokeslam! But Holly turns on HIM and levels him with a lid swing. "That'll teach you to be FUNNY in one of MY matches!" Show back up - Holly clotheslined down. Catching a lid from Saturn - right hand puts him down. Thrust kick for Blackman. Big press...and toss outside for Saturn. Only Kwik is left in the ring...trashcan lid to the back - no sale. ahhhhhhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA(some day - wow he's hold him up there forEVER)AAAAAAAAAM. 1, 2, kicking away Crash's attempt to save, 3. Show is being HELD BACK IN THE HARDCORE DIVISION. (2:53) Raven in the ring with a stop sign - NO SALE. Kick puts Raven down. Into the ropes, scooped up, put down...and there's the FINAL CUT on the stop sign! Well play his music one more time! (Why can't he pin him now?) You know....I have no idea!

Jim Ross is WALKING! By God, they'll show ANYBODY in a hallway these days.

Stephanie once again pleads for Triple H to keep his hands off Austin. "Steph, when it comes to Austin, I can't promise you anything." And off he goes...

And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by "SmackDown! 2: Know Your Role." From Monday, Austin delivers a Stunner to Stephanie....

LARRY KING comes out to Oklahoma's theme - no, wait... The graphic reminds us that it'll be two out of three falls - catch as catch can, street fight, and (if necessary, wink wink) steel cage. I DOUBLE DARE them to give it to somebody in two straight falls....then bring down the cage anyway. "Just wanna say before we get started here, on a personal note, that it's great to be back in Kansas City here tonight. Well ladies and gentlemen, I've had the privlige of coming before you for a lotta years, longer than I'd like to remember sometimes. But I can't ever remember a night that I've looked forward to a main event as we are going to have this Sunday on pay-per-view at No Way Out. It's gonna be two out of three falls between, in my view, the two greatest competitors in the business today...Triple H...and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Now Triple H has said that the first fall will be straight wrestling - he's gonna break Austin's spirit. The second fall will be anything goes - it's gonna be a street fight. And the Game has said he's gonna break the Rattlesnake's bones. And if it gets to the third fall, that will be held inside a solid steel cage on Sunday, once and for all, to settle this issue. Now in just a moment, I have the unenviable task of attempting to interview Triple H and Stone Cold, but before I do, I would like to turn your attention to the 'tron, and show you some of the events that have led up to this collision at No Way Out."

Let Us Take You Back...going all the way back to Austin being run down, to the infamous forklift spot, to Triple H ruining Austin's title shot in San Jose, to Austin ruining H's shot at Royal Rumble, to Austin winning the Royal Rumble to get the WrestleMania title shot, to the contract signing for *this* match and the hijinks that Monday's "present" for Stephanie.

"Well ladies and gentlemen, let's...uh...let's do this. First of all, I'd like to introduce the Texas Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve--" But that's the music of the Game and sure enough THE NEW MAN is out to make sure Ross feels *no* comfort. It's 8:55 - I bet we see Austin in just about five minutes. H removes the mic from Ross' hand. "You see, as JR so eloquently put it, you will, this Sunday, see an epic battle...between two men with more hatred than any two men have ever had. This Sunday at No Way Out will be two out of three falls...and Stone Cold Steve Austin will learn to respect me...and Stone Cold Steve Austin...will FEAR me, because I will demand it. As you said, JR... ["Austin!"] you've said, JR, in the first fall, I will break his spirit. In the second fall, I will break his bones. Now if ya like that I'm gonna come out here tonight, and I'm gonna ruin my shot, that I'm gonna come out here and I'm gonna lose control, and when Austin gets in this ring, face to face with the Game, that I'm gonna beat his (beep) in the centre of this ring and get suspended for six months...then you are WRONG. I will not lose my cool...I will wait until Sunday to kick Austin's (beep). Because as JR likes to say I am the Cerebral Assassin, right? I am the thinking man's wrestler...and I am smarter than that. As much as I hate Stone Cold Steve Austin, I guess Monday night, he figured he needed to up the Austin put his hands on my wife. Austin gave Steph the Stone Cold Stunner. And while I was (beep)ed off to start with, and that *did* continue to throw gas on the's not gonna make me lose my control, it's not gonna make me get suspended for six months, but it is...gonna make me have an answer--" KICK WHAM PEDIGREE ON JR!!!! H's music plays as THE STONE COLD WIFEBEATER hits the ring...but he can't touch Triple H. Well I dare say at least Jim Ross will remember what happened in THIS segment...

No Way Out promo highlights the Austin/Triple H match (hmm)

Here's a look at WWF New York

Here's a look at what you and I just saw Moments Ago

Our hosts hype the big match one more time. Also at No Way Out and just announced: a Fatal 4-Way for the IC title! Jericho takes on X-Pac, Guerrero *and* Benoit! Speaking of that match, it's got a bit to do with *this* match...

CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO and X-PAC v. CHRIS BENOIT & EDDIE GUERRERO (with "WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" CD cover) - X-Pac has a smile and a hearty wave for Jericho...he's in a chipper mood because he knows that, by not competing in a singles match tonight, I won't be harping on him about not jobbing. Jericho and X-Pac share a discussion about who'll start - but it's Jericho against Benoit - lockup, knee by Benoit, Euro forearm, another, into the ropes is reversed, shoulderblock by Jericho. Kick, kick, into the corner, chopping him as he backs out, chop, chop, Benoit reverses in the corner, chop, chop, chop, into the opposite corner, running at Jericho but he drop toeholds him into the bottom turnbuckle. Jericho with a knee to the face, scoop.....and a slam, offers the tag to X-Pac...but he doesn't want it. So Jericho grabs his hair and brings him in the hard way. Jericho pops him Benoit's way - right by Benoit - kick, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Short clothesline is ducked, and X-Pac hits the spinning heel kick. Crotch chop for Guerrero, drawing him in and distracting referee "Blind" Tim White - X-Pac repeatedly drops the forearm behind his back, stomp, axe handle, in the corner with a chop, into the opposite corner...but Benoit avoids the leap and 'Pac crotches himself on the second turnbuckle. Guerrero gets the tag and jumps on him - dropkick, right, right, right, right, right, into the corner, running at 'Pac who drops and dumps him onto the top turnbuckle. Kick trifecta...warming up for the broncobuster but Jericho tags him out in mid-gallop! Kick, kick, into the ropes, press...and drop. Double underhook...into a backbreaker (nice) for 2. Guerrero against the ropes - chop. Whip is reversed, and Benoit grabs his ankle to trip him up. Guerrero hits a nice dropkick and Jericho goes out. Benoit rams him into the barricade, then rolls him back in for Eddie - chop. Jericho tries to fight out of the side headlock - is X-Pac leading cheers? Methinks he's utilising *sarcasm*...sure enough, as Jericho nears the corner, 'Pac jumps off the apron. After Guerrero shoves Jericho to a neutral corner, X-Pac gets in the ring, drawing over White and allowing Benoit to come in illegally for a big time doubleteam stompdown. After White turns around, Guerrero sits Jericho on top and climbs up as well...Frankensteiner! Oops, Jericho didn't go with him, opting to hold on. There's a second rope dropkick, but Guerrero lands in his corner and tags out. Benoit quickly drops an elbow. Jericho put in the ropes, but he flies off with the flying jalapeno! Jericho and Benoit trading rights - in the ropes, clothesline by Jericho, free shot for Guerrero, clothesline for Benoit, free shot for X-Pac (!), Benoit put in the ropes, hiptoss, off the ropes with the bulldog...setting up for the Lionsault - DON'T GO THAT WAY - ahh hell, you just *knew* X-Pac was gonna kick him in the face. Benoit clamps on the crossface...and Jericho taps. (5:05) X-Pac and Guerrero join Benoit...check that, X-Pac and Guerrero start trading blows instead! But JUSTIN CREDIBLE hits the ring and uppernuts Guerrero - this is enough to catch Guerrero in the X Factor. Benoit quits the crossface and gets up to help his mate - only to eat a double superkick from Credible and X-Pac! Play his music and chop your crotch!

Hey, look! It's Ivory! And she's WALKING!

Meanwhile, Kat is....STRIPPING! (And WALKING!)

"RAW is WAR on TNN" ad

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN! Hey look there's Road Dogg AGAIN!

Wanna win luxury seats for ten for the Demons? Check out the new UPN 44 Discovery Guide!

Edge & Christian express umbrage that they're facing Undertaker & Kane for the 475th consecutive time. Not to mention the table match at No Way Out! Angle asks them what happened to the cocky, young five-time champions he knew and loved? After a brief pep talk, he convinces them that when all three have gold after the pay-per-view...Team ECK will rule this company once again.

WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: ERNEST MILLER DOT COM v. IVORY - Well, maybe it'll be short. Kat tackles her down, rams her head into the mat a few times, vertical suplex (!), field goal kick...monkey flips her out...hmm, she has more moves than the Rock! Going for a second monkey flip, but Ivory holds on and Kat takes the ride by herself. Ivory pounces - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, hairpulling her up - hairpull spin takedown. Stomp. "Come on nudity!" Scoops her she *spanking* her?....and a slam. Pulling her up by the hair again...across the back...into a falcon arrow! "She will change her ways, Lawler..." Still putting on the badmouth...and allowing Kat to sneak up from behind...and pull off her shirt. Ivory's choice in bra is...flesh coloured? At this point the RtC "music" hits again and out come GOODFATHER & WALL BUCHANAN & BALD VENIS - meanwhile, Kat is distracted long enough for Ivory to choke her with her shirt. Lawler, sensing a four on one, rises from his seat and takes his chair with him...only to fall to a Stevenkick from STEVEN RICHARDS, disguised as security! Lawler put in the ring - four on one amongst the men - Censor Train by Goodfather, Censor Scissors Kick by Buchanan, Censor Shot by Venis - that should do it. Richards punctuates it with a DDT on the chair. Ivory makes sure Kat gets a good look at her hero. Let's call it (No contest 3:08) as the REFS & OFFICIALS come out to attempt to restore order. Richards yells "No Way Out" a few times.

WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD ad - It's NOT the Rock's solo recording debut if Slick Rick is in the same room with him, by the way.

Moments Ago, I was typing up a paragraph about Kat stripping Ivory...then I typed a bit about some other stuff that happened thereafter. Not with this camera angle, though, I'll grant you that at least.

During the Break, the King was helped backstage.

TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ is probably out to pounce on the vacancy at the second headset. Sure enough, Tazz tells us he's "seizing the opportunity."

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: WILLIAM REGAL (with the WWF Overdrive of the Week - Test winning the Euro title last month on RAW) v. TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST (with Byte This ad - Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley guests Friday at 4PM Eastern) in a return match - I guess Regal is over his injury - does this mean we'll get that belt back around his waist? Regal from behind with a European forearm and we're on - forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm. Into the ropes, but Test reverses into a short clothesline. Right, right, into the corner, back body drop out. Big boot to the gut, Blue Thunder powerbomb (!) gets Test 2. Right, right, kick, kick, kick, whip into the opposite corner, but Regal sidesteps it and Test hits the post. Regal quickly on him - left left left left left left left left left, left, left, left, left, hmm he seems angry. Left puts Test down - 1, 2, no. AL SNOW is out to campaign, tossing buttons to the crowd just in case they're bored by this title match. Regal goes outside and takes Test's chest across the corner of the mat. Big slap across the chest. Regal back in the ring...and showing annoyance at Snow's presence. Nice suplex. Cover - 2. Cover - 1. Cover - 1. Regal goes to a facelock and body scissors - I think...we watch Snow fling buttons instead. When we next look back in the ring, Regal puts Test in the ropes, back elbow. Wave to the crowd. Euro forearm, again, Test punches back, forearm, right, right, right, and one more right puts Regal down. Clothesline. Clothesline. Regal put in the corner, but he gets the elbow up to stop him...then he walks into a sidewalk slam by Test...for 2. Regal sidesteps the big boot and Test crotches himself. Left by Regal, tying him in the ropes and punching away - referee "Blind" Teddy Long pulls him off and gets to freeing Test. Behind his back, Regal goes for Snow, who pulls Head out of his sack of buttons and clocks him. Regal staggers backwards into the big boot - 1, 2, 3. (3:42) Here's a replay of our finish.

Back to a look at the (rocking?) limo - Stephanie reacts to the monitor, then says she'll go tell Trish who daddy's little girl is. Oh boy!

XFL ad - Xtreme vs. Maniaxx on UPN Sunday night!

Kurt Angle plays "SmackDown! 2" one more time

Triple H takes "Weider Dynamic Muscle Builder" one more time

WWF Shop Zone dot com ad

I'll bet you were starting to worry that we wouldn't get an exterior shot of Kansas City tonight - well, fear not, dear it is!

TONIGHT: Kane, the Rock, Undertaker, Christian, Kurt Angle, Edge, no DQ, this is one loaded graphic

Here come THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ, carrying a table to the ring. Buh Buh Ray has the spray paint..."NO...WAY....OUT" Tazz proclaims the table a punk card.

Meanwhile, Stephanie tries to get in the limo, but the doors are locked. Unfortunately for her, she's so preoccupied with trying to get into the limousine that she doesn't notice Trish Stratus punking her out from behind and driving her to the cement! "I set your ass up! Who's the bimbo now, huh? Who's the bimbo now?" And she throws her in...HAY! (What?) No, it's hay. Then she rubs her face in some...well, we call 'em "road apples." For an encore, she dumps a bucket of...well, it's liquid and it's brown, whatever it was...on her head. Maybe it was ol' Hank Godwinn's slop buckit.

Hey! Team ECK is WALKING!

Meanwhile, the Fun Brothers are WALKING!

Meanwhile, the Rock is WALKING!

Meanwhile, the No Way Out ad is WALKING!

Meanwhile, the XFL cheerleaders shilling Stacker 2 are WALKING!

Meanwhile, Kurt Angle shills SmackDown! 2 while he's WALKING!

Moments Ago, somebody was WALKING! while Trish Stratus took it to Stephanie


Anyway, the graphic don't lie - it's Trish Stratus vs. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley at No Way Out. I like to call it the "making the frozen pizza" match

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week presented by Weider Sports Nutrition! From last week's SmackDown!, Kurt Angle puts an anklelock on the Rock...will we see that Sunday?

THE ACE v. FUN BROTHERS (with Weider Sports Nutrition presents No Way Out in only three days!) and IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLL DOT COM with no disqualifications - Amazingly, Angle gets a SECOND shot of pyro - crowd is getting into singing "You suck," by the way. The Dudleyz' table has been left leaning against the ring and Edge & Christian make sure to acknowledge its presence. Poor Taker has to walk because his bike was trashed on Monday - I *never* thought he only had *ONE* bike. I wonder if Tazz will call the pay-per-view? I better start a petition!!!! By the way, the NEXT guy to forward me a petition gets SMOKED. I'm *so tired* of getting them - they're worse than spam, for crying out loud. Undertaker starts for his team...and once Edge notices *this*, he leaves the ring, making sure to tap Christian on his way out. Christian seems a little unhappy about it, but gets it the ring...then tags Angle and hops out. Ha! Taker says "heck with THIS" and throws Angle a soupbone, bringing him in. Soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, into the ropes, head down, kick by Angle, no sale! Angle goes off the ropes again...but falls into a sidewalk slam...for 2. Who wants the tag? Rock wants it...and he wants it BAD. Taker reaches for the tag...but before he does it, Angle rocks Taker with a right. Another right - Taker blocks the next one, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, into the opposite corner, follow lariat. Back to the first corner...scooping up Angle on his shoulder...Angle back to his feet as Christian comes in - and eats a big boot. Big boot for Angle, but the elbowdrop MISSES. Angle tags Edge, who is climbing to the top...but Taker catches his double axehandle attempt and drops him with a double chokebomb. Old school coming up...and Edge didn't have it scouted, I guess. Tag to Kane - open kick. Right, into the ropes, big Red boot, going up for the flying clothesline...and landing it. Free shot for Angle on the apron, but Christian hot shots him to turn it around. Tag to Chritstian, double suplex is countered...and Kane suplexes them both instead! Gutshot for Christian - military press - three reps - and drop. Rock finally gets a tag - open shot, right, right, right, into the ropes, belly-to-belly toss, free shot for Edge, and "just bring it" hand motion for Angle. Angle parts the ropes...and stalls long enough for Christian to come in - Rock is ready for him, though, and attempts Rock Bottom...but Angle is in to break it up with a forearm in the back. Big death suplex! Angle wiggles his hands for Rock...then demands the tag from Christian, who is stomping away on Rock. Crowd chants "Rock E" but it's all Angle...right, stomp, stomp, mount, right, right, right, right, right, right right right right right. Wooo! Front face...tag to Edge, open kick. Forearm to the back - cover - 2. Rock fires back - right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock ducks the clothesline, but not the spinning heel kick - Edge covers and gets 2. Tag to Christian. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Rock with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, right, Angle from behind to stop his offense. Christian back up...reverse Slop Drop gets 2 as Taker makes the save. Tag to Edge - holding him for the open shot. Edge giving some bad mouth to Rock - probably not a good idea - Rock with a right, right, right, Edge with a knee, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed into a Samoan Drop by the Rock! Both men are down! Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner puts on the count while the crowd fires up another "Rock E" chant. Angle gets the tag! Over to the Rock..."Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Free shot for Christian, turning back to duck Angle's charge, gutshot, DDT! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, Christian breaks it up. Taker in - Christian gets a chokeslam! Edge in - right from Kane, and tossed over the top rope. It's all breaking down now as Rock and Angle brawl on the outside, Edge pinballing between Undertaker and Kane, and Christian lying like a slug in the ring. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ are back out...and they've got the table! Christian gets a scoop slam from Buh Buh Ray - and here's the dreaded "What are you doing?" Testify dance. D-Von, it's right there, baby. The table is duly set up. Christian put in the ropes...but Undertaker pulls him out before he can bounce into 3D (Dudley Death Drop). Taker gives Christian a soupbone, then takes on both Dudleyz at once. Edge joins the fray...and so does Kane. It's left to Angle and Rock in the ring...and it's Angle. Kick, right, right, right, right, right, right. "Just bring it" hand motion right to Rock's face! Pulling him into the ropes, but Rock reverses - and there's the spinebuster! Right into the sharpshooter - Angle taps (!) but Hebner is elsewhere. Edge in to save Angle with a forearm to Rock's back - Rock turns around and gives us shock. Edge gives us "oh shit." "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" once again, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Edge goes over the top to the floor - but Angle is behind Rock - OLYMPIC SLAM THROUGH THE TABLE! 1, 2, 3!!!! KURT ANGLE HAS PINNED THE ROCK! (9:20) As if that wasn't enough, Angle removes the table pieces and puts the anklelock on the Rock - and Rock *taps!* Hebner tries to get the hold broken but Angle remains fast. The credits are up...looks like we're outta here. See ya at the pay-per-view!

[slash] wrestling

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