KINGS UPDATE: 38-18, 1.5 GB Portland (but with the same number of losses) - I *think* we can manage to beat the Clippers tomorrow

UPN - Thursday!

One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

Close captioned are the opening credits of the show with the

I LIKE PYRO - coming to you 1.3.1 from the Tucson Convention Center in Tucson, AZ (taped 27.2) and airing on the United Paramount Network (y transmitido en espanol SAP), THIS is WWF SmackDown! Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & LARRY KING - huh? Lawler was WHAT? Let's waste no time...

The cavalcade of kings continues in Lawler's memory as KING KURT ANGLE (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) makes his way to the ring - no fireworks for the former champ, which may mean we'll see him again later tonight in action. Sign in crowd: OLYMPIC CHUP - what the hell is a chup? "Ang Gull Sux!" chant. "People, I'm not asking you to be quiet - I'm DEMANDING it! Olympic Gold, King of the Ring, European Championship, Intercontinental Championship and the WWF Championship - there hasn't been a single goal in my life that I have not accomplished, and that's why it makes me very upset that I walked out of RAW last Monday night not achieving my goal for the evening: snapping the Rock's ankle in two. Now I know that close doesn't count in this world, but look how close I actually came to making that happen. Roll the footage. So you people don't like that. So what you're saying is that you prefer the Great One as WWF Champion. Well that's fine with me, actually - I mean, I'm a people person. So why don't we give the People what they want and show their beloved champion one more time in all his glory - this time in slow motion? Just a few more precious seconds, and the People's Ankle...would have been shattered in two. Now the Rock is walking on his own power today simply because of one man...the man who saw fit to come to his good buddy's rescue. I'm talking about the Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Now Stone Cold, you may have thought that you were saving the Rock last Monday night, but you did something far worse...lookit that. Stone Cold, you did something far worse - you made me angry. And you do NOT wanna make me angry! (He's Kwee-Wee!) And Stone Cold, I'm not the only one that you made angry. Look how your pal, the Rock, responded after you came to his rescue. As clear as day. Now there's gratitude for ya - the Rock, going for the Rock Bottom on his good friend the Rattlesnake. Now Rock, Austin, you can tear each other apart for all I care...just not tonight. Tonight, that job belongs to me. So Rock, Austin, I'm issuing a challenge to either one of you... ["Ass hole!"] The first one to walk in...gets the honour of bein' carried out. It's true. It's *damn* true." First music that hits is "Step Up (or Off)" and THE STONE COLD CHALLENGE ANSWERER strides to the ring...right by Angle...and right to the corner for the first of four poses. And now he's got a mic of his own. "You know, Kurt...I'm in the back icing down a cooler of beers...and I hear you out here flappin' your gums about how many titles you won, how many awards you won, and it don't impress me one single bit. And you go on to say how angry you are. I don't give a damn how mad you are, Kurt. Then you go on to mention two names - you mention Stone Cold Steve Austin and you mention the Rock - so I figure, hey, Kurt Angle's got something important to say, finally. I was wrong. What you went on to say and I'll paraphrase it was you're either gonna whip my (beep) or you're gonna whip the Rock's (beep) and then whoever's (beep) you whip, they're gonna be carried out by a stretcher, that's what you said. As far as the Rock goes, Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Rock ain't pals, we ain't drinkin' buddies, it ain't nothin' like that. What the Rock is is the World Wrestling Federation champion, so I got - I said - I said I got a vested interest in his health. But you know what? Since you ain't the WWF champion, I could give a rat's (beep) about your health. So if you want me to whip this city slicker's (beep) gimme a hell yeah." But before the crowd can finish their response, the second song hits and IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLL walks to the ring carrying the belt alongside him in his right hand. Austin's gaze never leaves the Rock as he hits two of the four corners for posing, then HE gets a mic of his own. Crowd chants "Rock E." "Kurt Angle, you actually have the nerve, the audacity to come out here running your mouth, and try and stir things up between the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin. You see, the Rock says that's fine, because the Rock and Stone Cold have something you don't have - something you possibly couldn't fathom - the Rock and Stone Cold - WWF title match at WrestleMania, and quite frankly put, the Rock and Stone Cold have a date.........with destiny. Stone Cold, with all due respect, you may have a vested interest in the WWF Championship, but let the Rock make one thing perfectly clear - crystal clear - the Rock doesn't...want your help, and the Rock doesn't...NEED your HELP." "Wait a minute, now apparently I see it differently. I--" "It doesn't matter how you see it! Because the fact of the matter is this: is the Rock came out here for one reason and one reason only, and if there's anybody gonna be whoopin' your candy (beep), it's gonna be the Rock!" Austin continues to stare at Rock...Rock returns the favour...and on cue, "No Chance in Hell" plays and BILLIONAIRE VINCE comes out...with WILLIAM REGAL! "I certainly hope everyone appreciates the gravity of this situation. Quite frankly, I'm impressed - I'm impressed - I'm certainly not impressed with these rude individuals here in Arizona...but I am impressed with Kurt Angle...when you consider the size of the grapefruits that it takes to come out here and challenge, in one night, either Stone Cold or the Rock - that's impressive. And of course, we do have a problem that you've created, Kurt. Which one of these two inidividuals will face you here tonight? Well, being the problem solver in life that I am, I think I can handle this one. You see, Rock, before I knew Kurt Angle was coming out here, before I knew you were coming out here, despite the fact that you competed at No Way Out, despite the fact you almost had your ankle broken this Monday night, here In This Very Ring tonight...you will be defending the World Wrestling Federation championship...and you will be defending that title against a most deserving individual...William Regal. Which of course means, Stone Cold, as far as you're concerned, you versus Kurt Angle." Austin lights up the world with his smile. "Well, if it's gonna be me and Kurt Angle, hell, there ain't no use to waitin' 'til then--" and he pops Angle while Rock gets in a few on Regal. Angle and Rock end up on the outside - Austin follows and shoves Angle's medals in his face while saying something or other. Rock is content to mug at Rock from the inside.

Despite his newfound intensity, Kurt Angle *still* shills SmackDown! 2

And now, Greyhound and that creepy dog in the jacket bring you the Overdrive of the Week! From RAW, Trish Stratus and Stephanie...umm...yeah, with the mop. Noticably absent is any commentary from Jerry Lawler.

Q: Is Jerry Lawler's firing a work or a shoot? A: Have you seen ANY evidence of Jerry Lawler on this show tonight? If you haven't seen it on TV, it must not be a work...

Let Us Take You Back Two Weeks where Matt Hardy and Lita shared a Greco-Roman liplock.

Backstage, LILIAN GARCIA stands with JEFF HARDY. How's he feel about this budding romance? "Yeah, I've always considered Lita the sister that we've never had, you know, and uh, I guess Matt felt a little different. Um, his emotions took over. Ahh, there was some romantic camoflauge that was covering them, like, invisibly. And he took it off. And hey, you know, I might not get to see 'im as much as I used to, but it's great. If he's happy, I'm happy."

MATT HARDY & LITA (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, Whacko Tobacco, and Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli) v. CRASH & MOLLY HOLLY in clammy, defrosted intergender action (with the Rock on Byte This! tomorrow! ad) - Men start. Lockup, gobehind by Crash, standing switch, scoop by Hardy...and a slam. Cover - 2. Gutshot, scoop..and a slam. Elbowdrop MISSES - dropkick by Crash swatted away. Arm wringer by Hardy, reversed by Crash, Hardy pulls off - and shoves Crash. Crash punches back - head to the buckle, kick, kick, right - Hardy back with four rights. Jeff Hardy watches on the Magic Window. Right, into the ropes, blind tag by Molly to Crash's back - Crash up and over off the ring, double single leg trip by the cousins, double superfluous forward somersault, double suplex gets two for Molly. Hardy pops up rather unhappy. "Are you insane? What are you doing?" Hardy decides to tag out rather than continue against Molly. Lokcup, armdrag takedown by Holly to an arm bar - to a snap arm wringer, another, trying a suplex but Lita blocks into a small package for 2. Setting up for the Twist of Fate - spent a bit too long screaming, Holly counters into a Northern Lights and bridges for 2. Chop by Holly, chop, into the ropes, picking her up but Lita headscissors her down. Holly ducks a clothesline and hits a death suplex. They both tag - Hardy ducks, right, right, discus right, HAAA, clothesline off the ropes gets 2. Crash put in the corner, Hardy down on all fours for a boosted clothesline by Lita - this brings in Molly, who grabs Lita by the hair and helicopters her into the ropes and outside - head to the apron is blocked, Lita hits one instead. Back inside the ring, Crash improvises a powerslam for 2. Hardy put in the corner, reversed, boot up by Crash, but Lita grabs his ankles and makes a wish. Molly up in the adjacent corner - somersault Thesz press!! 1, 2, Lita dropkicks her off. Crash tosses HER out, but Hardy is quickly behind with a forearm - in the corner, right, Crash punches back, exchanging punches, Hardy ducks one and dumps him with a dangerous looking backdrop. Lita up top - pendulum 'rana for Crash! And a shot for Molly to keep her away as Matt hits the Twist of Fate - 1, 2, 3. (4:09) And now it's time for a little public display of affection - ooh yeah - give it to me - ooh - ooooooh - oh. Excuse me, I need some time to myself for a moment.

Back in the locker room, Christian catches up to Angle and tells him he saw what happened - and Austin's attack on him "totally reeked!" Angle says he's ready to take out that damn cheapshot artist. This leads Christian to talk about the Dudleyz - when Edge's back is better, total revenge! Angle tells Christian he shouldn't wait for Edge to be better - hell, *he* lost the WWF title but Monday, he almost put the Rock in a wheelchair! He urges Christian to take some initiative and make a statement - just like he's gonna do later, when he breaks Austin's leg. Crowd: "ooh!" "Make a statement - that's good advice, Kurt..."

XFL on UPN hype

Speaking of the XFL, their cheerleaders appear in this ad for Stacker 2

Speaking of the XFL, in the local slot, the EXACT same XFL ad plays, but with an added graphic for information on Demon tickets. (Cheap!)

Here's a look at Tucson, where it's probably about 90 degrees, even this time of year, this time of night...

Wow! ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS take up the front row!

In a locker room, Malenko and Saturn ask Guerrero if he's talked to Benoit. Guerrero plays dumb. Let Us Take You Back to Monday and show you what happened. When we come back, Benoit enters the picture. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "Look, Chris - I know Monday night, you don't think I was there for you, but I promise you man, I'll be there for you tonight." "Look, I'm gonna say this one time and one time only, so listen very carefully. Look at me when I'm talking to you!" "I'm right here...my brother." "Look, I just don't trust you right now, so tonight, you stay the hell outta my business. You come near me, you come down to the ring, you come on the stage, if I even hear that you're watching my match on a monitor, you and I are gonna have it out...and I will end you." Malenko: "Come on, Chris - Chris, he hears you! Eddie hears you! He'll be back here with us tonight." "You know, I don't understand you...I mean, I really don't understand you. Have I EVER let you down before? I have been there for you every step of the way - I have even BLED for you, and you come to me and talk to me this way, man? What gives you - WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO COME AND TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, ESE? HUH? I WAS *HURT!*" Saturn: "C'mon, c'mon...let's get through tonight, you guys work this out tomorrow." "Work it out?" "Yeah, work it out later on--" "Work it out? Do you wanna try me? Do you wanna TRY me? You bring your Latino Heat anywhere near that ring tonight...and prove me wrong." Guerrero walks off, spitting out something out in Spanish.

Moments Ago, Christian took a chair to Buh Buh Ray Dudley's back - kick, and chair to the head. "I'll tell Edge you said WASSUP."

Lita and the Hardyz take it to the extreme with RAVIOLI - so Lita only appears on SmackDown!?

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!

Wanna win ten luxury seats for the Demons' next game at Pac Bell Park? Get yourself a UPN 44 Discovery Guide!

Our commentators shill tomorrow's two hour block of God-awful claymation on UPN

Backstage, Ivory, Goodfather and Buchanan are gathered outside a door. Apparently, Steven Richards is still "interrogating" Val Venis. "I hope the rumours aren't true..." "Steven will find out the truth." "He better - for all that's right and all that's just, he better..."

CHRIS BENOIT (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) v. X-PAC NEVER (2-0-1) JOBS IN SINGLES MATCHES (with Justin Credible chopping HIS crotch?) - later tonight, Kane and Undertaker team with D-Von Dudley against Rikishi, Haku and Christian! Before *this* match begins, "Latino Heat" plays and EDDIE GUERRERO rather defiantly walks down the aisle to ringside....and takes third headset. X-Pac tries to sneak one in, but Benoit chops him down. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kiick, kick ,kick, kick, kick. (That was eleven.) Big forearm. Did he just call Cole "Miguel?" Backbreaker across the knee for 2 as we see DEAN MALENKO & PERRY & TERRI come out. Guerrero explains that he's a team player, he's a Radical, and he'd *never* do *anything* to hurt Benoit. Head to the buckle by Benoit. Kick, kick, kick - Benoit decides to go out and approach Guerrero - "I'm on your side, ese - I'm on your side." Malenko holds him back - back to the ring where X-Pac is waiting with a we didn't see it. Right, kick, kick, chop, chop, right, kick, arm wringer, Benoit fires back - right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, X-Pac with a sleeper...Benoit dropping... Guerrero says Ross might be better served asking Chris if he's on the Benoit team, or the Radical team. Ross asks, hypothetically, if he's better than Benoit. "Well is there a question in your mind if I am or if I'm not, JR? (quietly) Well maybe that's something we oughta we found out." Benoit fighting out of the sleeper - right, right, right to break it, off the ropes and X-Pac hits the heel kick...for 2. Benoit off the ropes - X-Pac tries the sleeper again, but Benoit hits the death suplex. He's going up top...and hits the swandive headbutt!! Guerrero makes a *great* "approval" face off this. Both men are down - referee "Blind" Tim White puts on the count. At five, both men are up - Benoit knocks him down, into the ropes, another knockdown, into the corner, German suplex out - holding on for two - breaking the waistlock to lunge at Credible, who was on the apron. White turns to Credible, and Benoit returns to the waistlock, only to fall when X-Pac's trick knee acts up. Guerrero gets off headset and hits the ring as X-Pac kicks Benoit. Saturn puts Terri up on the apron to make sure White misses what goes on behind him - Guerrero forearms X-Pac, who staggers into the crossface - and he taps! X-Pac jobs (after screwy interference)!! (3:39) Credible hits the ring and punches on Benoit, but Saturn and Malenko hit the ring and take HIM out. Nice Northern Lights by Saturn...then he chases White out. Benoit fixes a steely gaze on Guerrero...who leaves the ring and backs up the ramp. The rest of the Radicalz slowly follow behind...where's the Hand of Friendship? We find out not as we cut to

Hey lookee here - it's William Regal! And he's WALKING!

What's all the rage these days? Check out the Rock and you'll know it's WALKING!

And now, a classic WrestleMania moment - WrestleMania: the showcase of the immortals! From WrestleMania III in 1987, Mean Gene Okerlund announces an indoor attendance record: 93,173 - and Aretha Franklin sings two words.

Richards appears from behind his door to address his troops. "Be patient - I fear the worst may have happened. Be prepared...to take action." The door closes and we hear Richards *screaming* at Venis.

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: WILLIAM REGAL v. IF YA SMELLLLLLLL DOT COM - "Now I know a lot of you, my friends, think that I only have this title shot because of my association with Mr. McMahon, but you couldn't be further from the truth. I have this title shot because I have earned it through my superior wrestling ability. Now, I know that there isn't a lot happening here in Tucson, but tonight you are going to get to see your goodwill ambassador become the World Wrestling Federation champion, and I.....and I will be defending my title against Stone Cold Steve Austin at WrestleMania! Thank you!" Regal stomps Rock on his way in - left, left, left, left, left, kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Left, Rock with a right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock with a flyling clothesline. Stomp, stomp, stomp, Regal to his feet, reversing a whip into a side Russian legsweep. Cover - 2. Regal covers again - 1. "Regal sux!" Knee, knee, Euro uppercut, stomp, Regal outside and dropping Rock's head against the apron. Forearm across the chest. Stomp, stomp, Austin is watching a monitor in his dressing room. Rock blocks the left, right, right, gutshot, DDT. Hooks the leg - 2. Regal ducks a swing and hits a death suplex for 2. Regal tries again - 1. Austin watches intently. Regal pops him - stomp. Regal with a ... hmmm. Straitjacket knucklelock? Now to something I can call more easily - a headlock. Rock to his feet - right, right, right, block, right, block, right, right, Regal reverses the whip attempt, Rock reverses the whip, then hits the belly-to-belly throw - right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT - no, Regal ducks, Euro foream - going for the snap cobra clutch slam, but Rock evades it, pulls him into the spinebuster, and clamps on the Sharpshooter! But here's KING KURT ANGLE running to ringside - Rock relents on the hold to give Angle a (wait for it) right hand - Angle back in and forearming Rock down (DQ 3:16 - hmmm) Angle tries the anklelock on Rock but Rock pulls himself underneath the ropes and outside...then grabs a STEEL chair and runs back in - Angle decides to take off. He promises to get him later. Meanwhile, Regal has the misfortune to stagger up behind Rock - WHACK! Play his music!

Let the Rock tell you a little story about pie. And share his custom Internet browser!

Triple H makes his only appearance of the night...in this Weider Dynamic Muscle Builder ad (Hey, he was in that WWF: The Music ad just a minute ago!) Oh, well, yeah.

Moments Ago, it was tough to be the Rock

In the office, Regal tells McMahon he hopes that he isn't too disappointed in him because he lost. "Well, look - in my book, William, you're a winner, all right? And quite frankly, what you don't understand is, I'm not disappointed at all - you see, this is part of a plan - this is part of a much, much bigger plan."

Our commentators wonder what McMahon means. Somehow, Jim Ross turns this into a segue to

Let's Take a Special Video Look at the burgeoning feud between Jesse Ventura and Rusty Tillman. Remember, if you watch NBC on Saturday night, you're telling them that it's *okay* to "book" the XFL this way. (I'll probably tape it, though - hell, why not)

Back to the RTC saga - Richards & Venis emerge from behind the door. "Mr. Venis has confessed. You know what to do." "How could you be so weak?" and Goodfather throws a right. "How could you? (Right)." "Everything that we fough for. (right) Everything we believed in! (right)" Ivory: "I am SO disappointed in you - (slap)." Richards: "This is for your own good. Gentlemen!"

WrestleMania X-Seven Magazine ad - featuring an award-winning photo of Jimmy Korderas

WWF: The Music [Volume 5] ad

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN! (Looks like they aren't showing that one with the Road Dogg in it anymore - hee hee)

XFL ad in the local slot, too. For Demons tickets, repeatedly bang your head into the nearest wall

"Don't Try This At Home" PSA

Here's a Look at WWF New York - Heat will be live this Sunday! (Well, on that other coast)

Moments Ago, Val Venis was ... ah, hell, I forgot, it was so long ago. I must mention at this point that the Kat hasn't been mentioned ONCE....but maybe we'll finally hear it now?

The RIGHT TO CENSOR drag Val Venis out to the ring as we take pause to learn that Chyna's "If They Only Knew" is up to #2 on the New York Times Hype & Marketing List. Richards will speak first. "The temptations of the world are sometimes too much for even the strong to avoid. But the Right to Censor understands the evils of the world and how it corrupts the most innocent of souls. We fight the good fight, and it is difficult. We are not perfect - but we strive for morality and decency." He hands the mic to Venis. "I stand...before all of you as a man who could once look himself in the mirror...but now, that image disgusts me. For years, I led my life as a man who knew no better, and that was my excuse, but tonight I stand before each and every one of you as a man with no excuse. As a man who fell off that straight and narrow path, as a man...who chose lust above all else. Because I wasn't strong enough, because I wasn't man enough to turn away from temptation...I let that vixen wrap her perversion around me...and I took pleasure in its emptiness!" Venis falls to his knees and cries. "Steven...Bull...Goodfather, Ivory...I don't deserve your pity, and I certainly do not deserve your forgiveness, but I am so very, very sorry... I never meant to hurt any of you, I never meant to let any of you down. And I certainly never meant to make the biggest mistake of my life... I can't change the past, I can't, but I can promise you this: with the help of the Right to Censor, I can once again become clean of the immorality which I let creep into my heart. Guys...I am sorry!" and he sobs again. Richards: "I would like everybody here, and sitting at home, to forgive this man who has lost his way! Forgive him! Forgive him, just as the Right to Censor has." Richards cups Venis' chin and helps him up...then offers a hug. Group hug time! But no sooner have they hit the group salute than the music fires up...and the ACOLYTES hurry out. The ring is quickly cleared of all but Richards - who gets a very special Hades lariat and powerbomb from Bradshaw. Play their music again! Don't *ever* expect to hear the name "Kat" ever spoken again in the WWF, by the way. She's gone, baby - gone.

Hey hey! It's the Undertaker and Kane! They! Are! WALKING!!

XFL hype - it's all starting to run together, you know - when's this season OVER?

Stacker 2 - cheerleaders - moving on

Q: Why would anybody on this *planet* pay $44.95 to see Holyfield/Ruiz 2? A: Don King is fleecing Latinos by playing up Ruiz' ethnicity (where's Phil Mushnick on THIS one?)

And now, the Burn of the Week, brought to you by Stacker 2! From RAW, Undertaker and Kane beat up Haku, Rikishi AND the Dudley Boyz

CHRISTIAN (with Edge's music...and Earlier Tonight) and HAKUSHI (thanks again, Morbius) v. D-VON DAMN DUDLEY (with Heat hype - K-Kwik guest hosts this Sunday!) and KANE (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) and ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' (on his Beautiful Titan Bike) - Rikishi and Taker start - right, soupbone, right, soupbone, right, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone...and a soupbone to put him down. Into the corner, running clothesline. Off the ropes, but falls into a Samoan Drop. Kishi off the ropes - DRUMSTICK DROP! Right hand from the Samoan - into the ropes, Taker ducks, flying clothesline takes the big man off his feet. Arm wringer - "old school!" PULL ON HIM KISHI - nope, Taker lands the vintage whatever. Free shot for the partners, then a tag to Kane - right, right, right, right, Kishi fires back. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Kane - triple spin clothesline! Kane going up...flying clothesline finds the mark. Tag to Dudley. Sunset flip attempt - that probably wasn't the wisest of moves...but Dudley avoids the squash. Off the ropes with a neckbreaker. Right, right, right, pulls him out, reversal, fat ass splash by Kishi, big clothesline, and he's FINALLY turned it around. Tag to Christian - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, Slop Drop/backbreaker combo across the knee (nice), stomp, stomp, right, right, right, right, crowd shot, choke, right, leg is hooked, 2. Tag to Haku - but Dudley getes a boot up - head to the buckle - no effect as Haku gives HIMSELF three more for effect - Dudley with a right, right, whip into the opposite corner is reveresed, dancin' HEADBUTT - off the ropes with the elbowdrop! Stomp by Haku, stomp, off the ropes, but the froggy headbutt MISSES. Tag to Christian, tag to Kane! Christian pauses - but ducks the clothesline - but not the big boot. Kane with a huge press - two reps - and a drop. Haku in - clothesline for him. Tilt-a-whirl slam for Christian - Undertaker in to knock out Rikishi. Haku gets the choke from Kane - and the chokeslam! D-Von Dudley climbs the top rope instinctively - Kane gives the cockeyed curious face...then goes ahead and spreads the legs for an unusual WAZZUP! Undertaker is all "damn, that boy's *embarrasin'* me." D-Von breaks into the Testify Dance, but before Kane can ask him to get something, Rikishi is in with the brutal RIKISHIKICK to Dudley! Everybody outside - Undertaker in with Christian - soupbone, into the ropes, kick by Christian...but Undertaker is ready with the choke...and chokeslam! Taker is motioning for the Last Ride...and there's the wedgiebomb. Leg is hooked, count to a hundred. Was either man legal? Hmm. (5:48) Replay of Wassup - and Taker's reaction...Dudley's dance...aand Taker's powerbomb. Coming back - "Wazzup?" Taker has a laugh at his brother's expense now. They still give some power to the people at the top of the ramp, though.

NEXT... we're gonna get another replay from RAW, but this one is SO special, it gets its own "coming up next" bumper!

This month's WWF Fanatic Series presentation is "TLC: Tables, Ladders & Chairs!"

Kurt Angle - "SmackDown! 2: Know Your Role" - you know the rest

Here's a snippet of "Pie" - by the way, "WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" debuts at #2 with a bullet on the Top 200 Albums chart (behind Shaggy - and about 100,000 copies behind at that - thanks, super top secret inside source!) Commentators shill the CD. "JR likes pie." JR refers to himself in the third person?

Here's a Very Special Video Look at the Wacky McMacky fam'ly, or as I like to call it, FUHFUHWID. Anyway, it culminated in the "dumpage" fun with Trish this most recent Monday - go read THAT report, though I'm not sure I say a whole lot more there either. Or go read the Jakked/Metal report - this'll probably clog up a segment over *there* this weekend as well. (Hey, shouldn't you notice that at least we hear Jerry Lawler's commentary in *this* segment?) Well.....yes, I guess so. But you're hurting my FUHFUHWID gag with all this extraneous commentary and analysis! (Do you think I *care*?) All right, you're through - out of the apartment for the rest of this show! (But it's RAINING outside!) I don't care - stay under the roof. There's a big stack of newspapers for you to read.

WOW! Kurt Angle! And he's WALKING!

WOW! Stone Cold Steve Austin! And he's (hey man, it's COLD out there) damn you, GET OUT OF MY REPORT

WrestleMania - it's what the world is watching

WWF: The Music [Volume 5] ad - I think they'll be GRAVELY disappointed if it doesn't hit #1, but didn't Volume 4 only peak at #4? By the way, with a whole bunch of new releases THIS week, don't be expecting that #1 for the WWF. My money's on "Cydonia" by The Orb! Well...maybe not, but you should buy it anyway.

And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From Earlier Tonight, McMahon books an Austin/Angle match - then Austin puts his Boots to him. (I guess.)

IF YA SMELLLLLLL is out to break him off a chunk of this segment...as third commentator.

KING KURT ANGLE (with pyrotechnics, finally) v. THE STONE COLD MAIN EVENTER - Angle runs out to meet him on the ramp and let the punching begin! Block by Austin, right, right, right, right, right, right, rolled into the ring, Angle gets one, Austin with three...and a clothesline. Austin rolls out after him - head to the commentary table - again - words for the Rock - and again. Angle taken around the ring...and back in. Stomp by Austin. Stomp on the head, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, wow grapevining a leg and putting on a crossface! Angle grabs the rope. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. I think I got 'em all. Abdominal stretch! I wonder if Austin will grab the rope for leverage - OHH YEAH! Angle cries out in pain but referee "Blind" Earl Hebner never thinks to check - oh wait, he DID finally catch him. Angle put in the ropes, head down, Angle with a kick, right, right, whip into the ropes is reversed, Angle ducks the clothesline, sunset flip attempt, but Austin just drops down and hits another thirteen rights. Whip into the ropes, Austin helps Angle over the top rope to the floor...and follows with a smile for the Rock. Head to the commentary table. Rolled back in. Vertical suplex coming up - there you go. Cover by Austin - only 2. 1, 2, no. 1, 2, kickout. Austin stomps. Into the ropes, KICK - but Austin grabs it before wham and stunner and drops down with the anklelock! It takes Austin some effort, but he *does* grab the rope. Angle refuses to let go - Hebner puts on the count but Angle waits for 4. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Angle gives Rock a look - and Austin a stomp. Austin outside - Angle out and putting his head to the apron. Austin with a kick, kick, kick, head to the commentary table - is blocked, and Angle gets one in on Austin! Angle with ANOTHER ram into the commentary table. Rolled back in - belly-to-belly release suplex. Belly-to-belly OVERHEAD suplex. 1, 2, Austin kicks out. Leg is hooked - 2. 1, 2, no! Angle with a stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, around to the headlock. Austin down...but coming back up - gutshot, right, right, right, hold is broken - Austin with a death suplex and both men stay down! Austin back up - but Angle lands a knee in the mush. Front face - down to the mat. Austin pushes him forward towards to the ropes - so Angle puts his boots on the bottom rope for leverage. Now on the MIDDLE rope - ow that hurts Austin enough to repeatedly kick the mat. Austin manages to get to his feet, however - right to the gut, right, right, right, right right right right right right - Angle releases and Austin hits a suplex! Austin pulling himself up - Angle over - gutshot by Austin - right by Angle - another kick by Austin, another right by Angle, kick by Austin, right by Angle, right by Austin, right by Angle, right by Austin, right, into the ropes, reversed, Austin ducks, ducks again, Thesz press! Piston-like rights (nine) and off the ropes with the Austin elbowdrop. Angle draped on the second rope - Boss Man straddle! In the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, into the ropes, KICK - caught *again* and Angle hits a belly-to-belly overhead suplex! But now WILLIAM REGAL is out as Angle stomps away on Austin - right for the Rock, who gets up and strikes first - six rights from the Rock, rolled into the ring, and Austin decides to start stomping on HIM instead of Angle! Angle up from behind to knock Austin down - stomp, stomp, stomp, Regal joining in the stomping....Hebner calls for the bell. (DQ 9:19) Rock is content to watch the doubleteam on Austin...Regal pulls up Austin, but he kicks both men in the nuts - double noggin knocker - KICK WHAM STUNNER on Regal - turning to Angle - right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, meanwhile, Rock is in the ring and AGAIN looks like he's poised to give Austin Rock Bottom - Austin still on Angle...stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, Austin turns around and - flinches! Now *there's* a look on Austin's face. I think Rock just told him he could have done it - an uneasy staredown...the credits are up and that's our final shot.